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A couple of months passed by since that Sunday. And as usual, we always got together on a Saturday and went out to clubs or pubs or whatever it was we had in mind to spend the evening. Except this Saturday, Terry went to some party with a lot of his own friends, and Ceylan didn't really seem to be thrilled to be there as the only girl. I, on the other hand, had the flu and a terrible headache, so I stayed home. Ceylan said she was gonna keep me company at my place while Terry went to that party.

I was in my nightie when she came over. I've been spending most of the day in bed, reading a book and feeling like shit. I drank so much cups of tea that I pissed orange coloured wee whenever I used the bathroom. And it even smelled like Earl Grey tea too. Alright, that might have been a bit too much information, and it's probably something you wouldn't want to know either. Anyway, the point is that I was dressed in my nightie and looked like absolute crap when she came over. The moment I opened the door, I saw her smile turning into a serious face...'Oh... You weren't kidding when you said you looked like shit.'

'Yeah...'

'Just get down on the couch.'

'Thanks...'

'Can I get you some tea as well?'

'For the love of everything that is holy, please... No more tea...'

'Alright. You've taken any aspirin yet?'

'Yeah, just one. I'm a bit dizzy...'

Not long after that, she gets back with a glass of water and an aspirin pill. So I took it and chugged the glass of water after it. I was so sick of feeling so shitty, and I really wanted to get better... 'It's not working....'

'You gotta give it some time to work, silly.'

'Hm...'

'I got something that might help. I got some stuff with me from home.'

She got this jar of pills out of her plastic bag she was carrying. I didn't know what they were. I looked at the jar and it said something I couldn't really make much sense of. Strange letters and symbols and everything with a picture of some tree and some chubby tigress woman with an expression on her face as if she got fifty of those jars shoved up her ass... 'Oh God, no more pills...'

'No, these aren't pills. These are eucalyptus tablets.'

'What am I gonna do with it?'

'You should take a hot bath and drop one of these pills in the water.'

'Is it like a bath-bomb or something?'

'Yeah, sort of.'

'Worth trying I guess.'

So I got up to take a bath, but I felt so dizzy, I could hardly move forward. Then Ceylan picked me up and carried me to the bathroom. She opens the water tap and let the bathtub fill up with hot water. And in the mean time, she took off my nightie and panties, and I sat there, completely butt naked on my toilette seat. Then she looked at me and smiled... She got the jar of tablets and opened it up in front of my nose. 'You smell it?'

'Oh whoa. That's really strong...'

'It gets much stronger once you're in the damp.'

After the bath was filled up with hot water, she closed the tap and poked her finger in the water. 'The water is just right. Come on, in you go...'

She picked me up and gently placed me in the bathtub. The water was really nice, and I felt relaxed, even though I realized I was butt naked in front of her and that she could see me naked... I felt like a baby for being pampered like that, but she did it with good intentions. Ceylan dropped a tablet in the water and not long after that, the smell of eucalyptus filled the entire bathroom. 'You need to breathe through you're nose. It clears you're airways.'

'This is very nice...'

'Yeah, you're right ... It's very nice...'

I closed my eyes for a short moment and I felt so completely relaxed... I couldn't care anymore if Ceylan could see me naked. Every now and then, I peeked to see what she was doing. And every time I opened my eyes, I saw she was smiling at me. But whenever I closed my eyes again, I could feel she was looking at the rest of my body. The thought that she was watching me started to creep me out... When I opened my eyes again, I noticed her head was very close to mine. And I stared directly in her beautiful eyes. 'C-Ceylan...? Wh-What are you doing...?'

'Nothing... Just... Close your eyes, dushi...'

I hesitated to close my eyes and to enjoy my bath again. But I closed them nonetheless. I already knew what was coming. I should have prevented it. But I didn't. Maybe I just didn't want to prevent it... So the inevitable happened... I felt how she gently pressed her lips against mine. The oh so sweet taste of her lips... I thought I would never experience it. For a short moment, my mind drifted off as I was being carried away by the feelings of it. And it was a wonderful feeling... But as soon as I got back to reality and opened my eyes, I realized all too well that it was a wrong thing to do. And I was so startled by that, that I didn't know what to do... And I kept looking at her in disbelieve. And as I was looking at Ceylan, her hand went through my hair while she had a weak little smile on her face. As if she was planning this all along... But not long after that... Her smile disappeared... 'What's wrong...?'

'Y-You didn't just... D-Did you...?'

'You didn't like it...?'

'I-I eh...'

I had no idea what to say... Just what the hell is going on here...? She's Terry's girlfriend... And... "Gaaah...!! Why the hell did she had to do this...?!"

'Yes... Y-Yes, I-I did like it b-bu-but...'

'But what?'

'It's wrong! Y-You're Terry's girlfriend! A-And i-it's a wrong thing to do that t-towards Terry!'

She looked me in the eyes for a moment while she stopped caressing my hair... Her eyes widened and... Just looked at me in disbelieve... And than all of a sudden, she wasn't facing me anymore... She closed her eyes and let out a sigh while she bit her upper lip... I think she felt ashamed for what she did. Maybe she just didn't know what she was doing... 'D-Don't you love Terry...?'

She looked at me for a very short moment, but then turned her ahead away again as she was still biting her upper lip... And after it stayed silent for a short moment, she started to talk... 'I love Terry very much... I really do... But... I uh... I-I also feel attracted to you...'

'Wha-W-Wait... Just... What t-the hell are you doing...?'

Again, she let out a sigh and it stayed silent for a moment... I think she was trying to find the right words. She never owed me an explanation but nevertheless, she talked... 'Well... When I first met Terry... It wasn't really that serious at first but... It got serious over the months... And he needs to know that I'm bi-sexual. But... I'm afraid to tell him. And... I wanna be with you as well... I know you for half a year now and well... I really like you... I know that Terry loves me... And I know he'll do anything for me... But despite all that, something is missing... Not even Terry treats me the way you do... And that's what I like about you... You're always there for me and... I never really had that... I don't want to hurt Terry with this... I just don't... Want to choose between you or him... I love you just as much as I love Terry...'

'You do...?'

'Yeah... I always saw you looking at me... In the hallways... Then I found out you were a friend of Terry... So-'

'You used Terry just to get to me...? How could you do that to him...?'

'N-No, really, it's not like that... Like I said, I love him, I really do... But... I had a feeling that... Something was missing. And... Over the months I realized that... It's you that's been missing...'

The things she said came quite as a shock to me. It was something I never expected from her, and for a long time. I couldn't say anything to her. I was still baffled by everything and the fact she just kissed me... I didn't know what to do or to say. And still being naked in the bathtub in front of her didn't really help at all. I started to feel more uncomfortable by the minute. And all I did was to stare in blank space while I wasn't facing Ceylan... 'Say something, Nic... Anything... Please...?'

'The water is turning cold... I-I think it's best if I get out.'

'Want me to help you...?'

'No, I'm fine... Thanks...'

The truth was that I was still dizzy. My headache was gone though. She drained the bath and I got up from the bathtub with a lot of effort and tried to get out, but I slipped. Luckily, she catches me in time. As I looked up, I looked her in the eyes again. If she wasn't there, I'd be having a nasty cut on my face by now... She handed me a towel and helped me drying off. She even got me clean panties from my drawer... And then she helped me getting my nightie back on while everything happened in silence... And all I did was thinking. I think she wasn't talking to me because she felt too ashamed after what she did. And I wasn't talking to her because I just didn't know what to say. I could see that Ceylan was feeling more miserable as the minutes passed by. And after I got dressed again, she supported me to the living room. I got down on the couch again while I heard she let out a sigh in desperation... 'Why aren't you talking to me...?' All I could do was to shrug my shoulders. That was the only thing I could do, seeing as I had no idea what to say to her. Ceylan looked down for a short moment and closed her eyes. As soon as she looked at me again, I noticed her eyes were getting soggy.

'You got all the right to be mad at me for what I did... But... Please... Say something... Anything...'

'I'm not mad at you... I just don't know what to say....'

'Oh... Well... Maybe... Maybe it's best for me to go then... And... I hope that this doesn't get in the way of our friendship... I don't wanna loose you... I really don't... I'm sorry, Nikki... I really am...'

I watched her as she was getting her things. But she wasn't looking at me anymore... I know she felt ashamed that evening. Something I felt numerous times about myself. I always got told that falling in love with someone of the same gender was wrong. And I told myself many times that it's not. But now that I know she really likes me for who I am, and that she wants to be with me, came quite as a shock. I fantasized about the day it would happen, that someone declared her love for me, but this wasn't like anything I imagined. It wasn't going as I wanted it to be. To be honest, I don't know anymore. It felt awkward and the fact that it was Ceylan didn't make things easier...

'Bye...'

I was carried away in thoughts that I didn't hear her leave. All these things kept circling around in my head for some reason. I realized I was a total cunt if I let Ceylan walk out the door just like that. I realized our friendship would change, for better or worse. Probably for the worst, just like how it happened with my friendship with Meagan. I knew how I felt when I got rejected by her. And look where it got me now. And I know Ceylan would feel the exact same thing I felt the night I got rejected...

Truth be told, I really loved her as well from the bottom of my heart. But I loved her as a friend. Maybe there always were feelings for her ever since I first saw her, but it just needed to be sparked by something. Maybe it just had to be sparked by her friendship. But she was already being loved by someone else. So I knew I could only love her as a friend. Maybe that's the reason why I blocked my feelings for her all this time... It's a wrong thing to do, and I'd be hurting Terry's feelings if I did. But that night, I realized that love has so many different meanings and doesn't actually need a reason to make it happen. All you have to do is to let it happen...

I got snapped out of it as I heard my front door closing. And I realized she left. I stumbled towards the door and opened it, and I saw her turning the corner to enter the staircase in the hallway...

As expected, I haven't seen or talked to her for a couple of days. I tried to call her but she wouldn't pick up. I asked Terry of how she was doing and he told me that she was feeling depressed for some reason. But she didn't tell Terry what was wrong. He didn't know what was going on. I felt like a cunt and could see everything happening again. And I didn't know what to do. Why is everything so complicated? Is it because we make it complicated while there isn't a problem in the first place? It might be, but the answer wasn't in sight...

Then about a week later, on a Friday evening, I was watching a movie by myself. I still didn't feel so good, but I felt a lot better than the day Ceylan was here. It was raining outside and wasn't in the mood to go out. So I was watching some horror movie by myself and this guy's head just exploded when my phone went. I scared the hell out of myself, but picked it up after I recovered. 'Nicole...'

'Hey, Nic, it's me, Terry.'

'Hey, wassup? How you doing?'

'I eh...'

'Is something wrong? You sound kinda glum.'

'Yeah. I eh... I talked to Ceylan.'

'How's she doing?'

'She wanted to tell me something but I couldn't really make much sense of it. All she did was crying.'

'Where is she now?'

'I don't know, Nikki. She took off, told me she couldn't do it, and that she was sorry for what she did.'

'Oh...'

'Do you know what's wrong with her...?'

'N-N-No...'

'Oh... Well, if you know anything, please, let me know, okay?'

'I-I will. I'll try her mobile.'

'Okay, because she's not picking it up when I call.'

'I-I've tried to call her before, but she didn't pick it up either.'

'I'm worried sick about her, Nic. She just randomly goes off to wherever the hell she's going.'

'Yeah... Alright, I'll give her a ring again, see if that helps.'

'Alright, thanks, Nic. I'll try as well.'

'Take care.'

'Bye.'

And after that, I hung up. I grabbed my own mobile phone and looked through my contacts for her name. I dialled her number. It didn't get answered. It kept on ringing. And just when I was about to hang up, I heard the doorbell. So I opened up, and there she was, soaked, looking all depressed as she looked at me for a moment with soggy eyes. 'Hi...'

'Hey...'

'You... Y-You wanna come in...?'

She quickly nodded so I made room for her to get in. I handed her a towel to dry her face. She got out of her jacket and I hanged it to dry. When I got back, she was still standing in the hallway, so I told her to go to the living-room so that we could talk. She seemed really, really upset... 'Can I get you anything...? A drink or... Something else...?'

'No... I'm fine... Thanks... I just need to talk to you...'

'Of course...'

She kept looking at me for a moment. There was definitely something that was really upsetting her... 'What's wrong, Ceylan...? Are you really that upset about what happened...?'

'Yeah... S-Sort of... B-But...... That's not the only thing...'

'Oh...?'

'Yeah...'

'What's wrong...?'

'I told my parents about it...'

'About what...?'

I could see in her eyes that she had a lot of difficulty to speak up her mind to whatever it was that was bothering her that evening... She tried to, but she couldn't... And I know exactly how it feels... She finally said it, after it stayed silent for a while... 'Th-That I'm in love with you... I-I told them myself... On my own...'

'Oh... What happened...?'

Again, another long pause... She kept scraping her throat, so I got her a glass of water. Ceylan took the glass and stared at the water... Her eyes became red and soggy, and when she closed her eyes, I could see a tear going down her face... She bit her upper lip... It pierced my heart to see her like that... And all I could think off was to cuddle her as she tried to express her feelings in words. 'I took my dad apart and told him about it... He took it very well... He was a bit surprised but... He didn't really make that much of a big deal out of it... He told me that he had his hunches, and it didn't really surprise him and he wants me to be happy with whoever it is I'm sharing my life with... Either with a guy or... A girl... But...'

'But...?'

'I did a lot in the past that ticked my mom off... And... I guess that this was the last straw... When I took her apart and... Told her about it, she kept shaking her head and... Asked herself of what she was doing wrong... And well... After I told her...'

'Go on...'

Then all of a sudden, she started crying her eyes out... And I just didn't know what to do to comfort her. I was actually very startled when she broke out in tears... 'She got so angry all of a sudden, and told me I wasn't her daughter anymore! She kicked me out of the house, and when my dad wanted to reason with her, they got into a serious fight!'

'Oh... I-I'm sorry...'

'I don't want Terry to react like that!'

'I'm sure he'll understand...'

'But I'm scared, Nic! I don't want everything to fall apart here! Everything is falling apart right in front of me!

'It's gonna be alright... Trust me... Your mom will come around...'

It stayed silent for a long time as I was wiping her tears away while I was cuddling her... It was so sad to see and... I really felt sorry for her... I had no idea what to say, really... All I could do was to hold her... And after a while, she seemed to calm down while I was just looking at her. I got her another glass of water and wiped the tears out of her face. Than at some point, she looked at me... 'D-Do you realize... D-Do you realize what I sacrificed for you?'

'I know...'

'Nikki... If you... If you have any feelings for me... Please... Just be honest. Because... I-I couldn't have been more honest just now...'

This was so awkward... I don't really know if I have feelings for her... I had my doubts... And I didn't want to give her false hope and lie to her that evening... I couldn't stand the thought to do so... I had to tell her the truth. But the question was... What was the truth...? Do I have feelings for her...? Maybe... Maybe I blocked my feelings for her because I didn't want things to end up like it happened with Meagan. But again... Ceylan isn't Meagan. So why would I hesitate to reveal what I really felt for her...? She wanted the truth... And maybe that was something I wanted too. I wanted to know for sure... But I didn't want to get hurt again, like it happened with Meagan... I never want to experience that feeling again. I didn't want Ceylan to leave... And with the way it was going right now, I was loosing her, either one way or the other, for not telling the truth... But how do you find the right words to say without hurting her feelings...? 'I do have feelings for you, Ceylan... I really do... Except... I don't really know how to deal with it. Things just... Look so complicated while it doesn't have to be. And... I know it's not easy and I know you don't want Terry to know about it but... It just feels wrong to be with you because of your relationship with Terry, you know...?'

'Yeah... I know...'

'I don't know what to say...'

'If you do have feelings for me... Why don't you just give in...? When do you stop thinking about everyone else and start thinking about yourself for once...?'

'B-But what about Terry...? Are you ever gonna tell him...?'

'Yeah... But... I can't do it on my own. I need you. I'm gonna tell him. But I need you... Things are just... So fucked up right now, you know... I don't know what to do... A-And... I just need you the most now...'

I didn't had a reply to that. The fact she told her parents and that her mother kicked her out showed just how far she would go for me. I think it was that night she made me realize to say that I shouldn't give a shit anymore. She was right. She opened my eyes. I don't need others to say what makes me happy. I just had to give in to my own feelings and what my heart says. And my heart said I'd be a total cunt if I let a girl like Ceylan go...

'Please, Nikki... I need you...'

I looked at her for a moment. I wasn't feeling nervous, I wasn't feeling insecure. I just did what I've always wanted to do. There wasn't a single thought going through my mind when I did. And if you're asking what I did... Well... I got on top of her by sitting on her stomach. I placed my hands on her cheeks and caressed the fluff on her muzzle with my thumbs. She looks startled, to say the least... Her mouth didn't say anything, but her eyes told me she wanted it to happen. So I slowly moved my head towards hers. I bumped my forehead against hers... And my nose touched her nose. At that point... I didn't really know what to do next. I never did this before... But apparently, she did... She gently pressed her lips against mine... And I still didn't really know what to do. So... I puckered up and noticed that she had a weak smile on her face... 'What...? N-No good...?'

'Almost...'

'I, eh... N-Never really kissed s-someone before...'

'You didn't...?'

'No... But... I think you already figured that out. Heh...'

'That's alright... First time for everything, right...? Are you nervous....?'

'Y-Yeah... I-I am...'

'It's ok... You just... Gotta... Tilt your head a bit.'

And so I did... I tilted my head. She gently pressed her lips against mine again as I felt she opened her mouth a bit. Her tongue touched my lips. My mouth opened almost instantly as soon as she did that. It almost went automatically. She placed her paw on my cheek as she was gently shoving her tongue in my mouth. And I got so aroused by that... I really did... It was something I never felt before. I felt how I drifted away for a short moment. But than, I gently moved her head away. Ceylan looked me in the eyes and was caressing my cheek... 'What's wrong...?'

'You are gonna tell him, right...?'

'Yeah...'

'Because... I'm not very comfortable with the idea.'

'He'll find out. He'll find out when the time is right...'

It stayed silent for a while as I was nervously scratching my chest fluff. I wasn't realizing it at the time, but I had no idea how she did it. How was she able to "persuade" me...? Was it pure desperation or the fear of being lonely that compelled me to do this...? Now that Meagan wasn't here anymore... I guess I was afraid to be alone... Maybe it was Ceylan's eyes that manipulated me into doing something like this. To betray my best friend by claiming something he loved the most... It was a selfish thing to do... But I wasn't realizing it that night... That night, everything was fine... And the moment she kissed me again, the uncomfortable feeling went away quickly... And I wasn't thinking of Terry's feelings anymore... 'You know, Ceylan...'

'Hm...?'

'You... You can stay here for a couple of days if you like. Until everything is sorted out with your parents...'

'I'd like that...'

'I still got a spare toothbrush somewhere. So you can use that and well... About nighties and stuff... You can take one from Meagan. She hardly ever comes by these days so I don't think she would mind if you take one.'

'Heh... Thank you...'

'So... Does this mean we have a relationship now...?'

She looked at me for a short moment while I was still on top of her and felt how she gently pressed her lips against mine again. I guess that means "yes". Hehe. For the rest of the evening, the only thing we did was making out with each other. But that quickly changed once we were getting ready to go to bed...