Hopeless Liberation chapter 11
Chapter 11
Gwen
The three guards on duty were sitting around the table just outside my cell, where they discussed their antics at a brothel from the night before. At first, I listened, since there was nothing else to do, but, after hearing how one of them "came all over the bitch's face," I began to ignore the knights.
I turned my thoughts to the previous night and how I had stayed awake for about an hour or two after I began to feel sleepy. Orin said he would have visited me again, but he never returned. I told myself, when I finally turned in the night before, that some dire situation probably came up that he had to deal with. He was a captain, so it was likely there was something of great importance that demanded his attention at the last minute. There may have been some Talth starting trouble somewhere in the City. A riot could have even taken place for all I knew. Or maybe he just said he'd come back to be polite.
_ _ The door down the hall opened, its hinges screaming with pain.
All three of the knights sitting at the table became silent and turned their helmets to glance down the hall.
I suspected that maybe it was time for the guards to be relieved of their duties, but I realized I was wrong when one knight, who sat with his back facing me, said, "Good morning, sir,"
The door at the end of the hall boomed shut and slow pawsteps began to approach. "Good morning," a chirpy voice replied.
Moments later, Orin stepped in front of my cell and stopped, turning his head to face me. "How has she been?"
"She's been quiet all morning, sir," the knight on the right side of the table said, the back of his chair pressed against the wall.
"Good," Orin said, still staring at me.
"Is something wrong, captain?" the knight whose back faced me asked, just before laughing. "Did Silvio finally kill someone for eyeing Lucy?"
"No," Orin said, smiling at the joke as he looked at his men. "I'm here to interrogate the prisoner,"
"Need any help?" the knight on the left side of the table asked. "We could rough her up a bit for you,"
Orin's smile vanished. "No need. But, in the meantime, I ask that you all wait outside,"
"You sure, captain?" the knight on the left asked as he and his comrades rose from their chairs. "She might try to use her looks on you like she did with Winston,"
As if I have anything between my legs that could interest him.
_ _ "I'll be fine," Orin told his knights. "I had trouble sleeping last night, so I doubt I have the energy to even get it up,"
The knights all laughed and passed Orin, disappearing from my view and eventually leaving with a bang of the door at the end of the hall.
"Get it up?" I said, smiling. "I thought you were a proper captain, not some idiot who thinks with his dick,"
"I'm not," Orin replied, pulling up a chair to the front of my cell bars. "But sometimes it helps to pretend that I am,"
"Oh," I said, watching as Orin buried his face into his hands. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," he groaned, as the metal fingers rubbed against his closed eyelids and skull. "I just drank too much last night,"
"Really? You don't seem like someone who drinks too much,"
"I usually don't drink at all," he said, lowering his hands to reveal exhausted eyes that seemed to stare through me like I was nothing more than a layer of fog. "But I heard that Aaron was-"
Orin's eyes grew wide and he quickly stopped talking, freezing completely in place.
"Now it makes sense," I said, laughing at his embarrassment. "You wanted to impress a guy,"
Orin tightly clasped his hands together and continued to silently sit in his chair, looking down at his lap with shame as his ears folded back.
"I'm not judging you, Orin," I said, trying to soothe him. "You aren't the first person to act stupid while trying to impress somebody hot. Even I've done that,"
The coyote's ears perked up a little, standing halfway upwards, and he looked at me with surprise. "Really?"
"Of course," I said, smiling as the memory came back to me. "There was this boy in my town when I was younger. We were only a few years apart from each other. He was sixteen and I was only a few days over fourteen. I'd been interested in him for some time. He was probably the handsomest boy in the whole town, since he was a blacksmith's apprentice and had muscles like a grown man,"
"What was his name?" Orin asked, his ears now standing tall with interest.
"Willard," I said, pausing for a moment as I realized just how long it had been since I thought about Willard, or even said his name. "He wasn't all muscle, like some of your men are. Willard could also be very funny. At least, that's what I thought. I was fourteen and had a crush on him. I probably thought everything he said was funny.
"Anyways, I was out for a walk one morning and saw Willard skipping rocks in a river that ran by our town. Being the horny fourteen year old that I was, I walked over to him and struck up a conversation. He talked to me, but still kept skipping rocks over the water. So, to try to impress him, I bet Willard that I could have skipped a rock further than he could. You can probably already guess how that went.
"Willard sent his rock almost halfway across the river. But I, who had never even tried skipping rocks before, threw my rock and watched it sink straight down into the water,"
Orin chuckled and all the unease that had been inside of him before was gone, since his eyes began to lose their weariness and now sparkled with amusement. "What happened after that?"
"Oh," I said, rolling my eyes in shame. "I made an even bigger ass of myself, believe it or not.
"My rock sank into the river and Willard laughed. He even started to tease me a little. I got pretty flustered and playfully kicked him in the back of the knee. But I kicked him a little harder than I meant to and he fell down, landing face-first in the water. I bent down to try and help, but he got up, smiling, and pushed me into the river, too.
"It kinda got out of hand after that. We started running up and down the river, trying to push each other down into the water. Pretty much your basic kid stuff.
"But one time I ran at him, thinking I'd knock him into the water, only he lost his balance and we both fell down to the ground.
"We lay there, me on top and him on the bottom, and started to laugh at how silly we had acted.
"But then, I felt something poke against me. I looked down at saw that he had a boner. He started to apologize but, since I didn't think I'd get a better chance, I kissed him,"
Orin continued to smile and his eyes were glazed with delight. "That's a nice story. Did you two start seeing each other after that?"
"Actually," I said, grinning as I gave the captain a look, "after I kissed him, we took off our wet clothes and had sex,"
"Oh," Orin said, his ears twitching, clearly surprised.
"Like I said, I was fourteen and horny,"
The captain sat silently in his chair, his fingers curled into fists. He's still kind of tense. I wonder why.
_ _ "Something troubling you?" I asked, wondering if he had somehow learned about Tess and sent men to search for her.
Orin blinked and flattened his hands against his armored legs. "I..."
He paused and sighed, his body sagging like a cheap doll while he looked down at his lap again. "More happened after I got drunk,"
"Really?" I said, relieved that Tess was still safe. "Did you accidently tell Aaron you liked him?"
Orin nodded as he slid his hands over his knees and sighed. "I told him and...more,"
I couldn't help but smile. "More?"
Orin nodded, his ears flattening again.
"Then what's the problem? Was he drunk?"
"No," Orin said.
"Well, that's good! It means he likes men too and wasn't just willing to sleep with anybody. And he probably won't go around telling people about the two of you, since it wasn't a drunken mistake,"
The captain released another deep sigh. "That's not what I'm worried about,"
"What's to worry about? Sure, it may have been a one time thing, but at least you can say you knew what it was like to be with someone,"
"But that's exactly what I'm afraid of," Orin said, sitting upright and giving me a look of desperation, as if he were hanging off a cliff and begging me to pull him up. "That was the first time I ever slept with someone, or had any kind of connection. What if...? What if that's all I get? A one night stand. Well, not really a one night stand. He said he'd come to my quarters every night. But still. That's just sex. What if I never find someone who accepts me for who I am or someone who I can love? Is sex all I'll ever have? Because I don't want it to be,"
Orin then sighed once more and glumly stared down at his lap. "That's the worst part; the uncertainty, not knowing whether I'll ever be with someone or die as an old man that nobody truly knew.
"I'm alone, even in a room full of people that are laughing, talking and eating with me. It's always like that, me, a stranger, surrounded by people that don't know a damn thing about me. It's the most depressing feeling in the entire world,"
"Can't say I know how that feels," I said, pity rising in my chest for the captain.
"I actually can't decide what's worse," Orin continued. "Not having someone to love or being alone with people that can never know who I actually am,"
I didn't really know how to respond to Orin's worries. I had never been afraid of dying alone. Then again, I had always wondered what it would have been like to have a man that I loved, but I never felt lonely like Orin did, since I had Tess, who had stayed by my side for all of my life and never betrayed my trust. If I ever needed someone to talk to, she had always been there. But Orin didn't even have one person to confide in. He was in charge of Sleeping Sun's knights, so he couldn't just go around telling people that he was gay. I imagined him going home alone at the end of every day, being greeted by an empty dwelling that only had books and furniture to offer him, rather than reassuring words and calming hugs. If something happened to Tess, would I be able to live like that? The thought of being truly alone terrified me now that I considered it and I felt like the world had become an abyss of despair.
"Tell me more about this Aaron guy," I said, hoping to possibly make Orin feel a little better.
Orin cleared his throat and crossed his arms. "He's a new recruit. You've actually seen him. He was there when you tried to escape,"
"He was?" I said, trying to remember the men I had seen, most of whom had been wearing full suits of armor. "The wolf you were checking out?"
Orin nodded.
I recalled the wolf, particularly his chest, which, while very scarred, seemed to be as solid as stone. "Not bad. He's quite a looker. Did you ask him to take off his tunic yesterday?"
"No," Orin answered, laughing at my joke. "That was just a happy accident,"
"What's this handsome wolf like?" I asked, actually finding myself wondering whether there were any brains inside that muscular body, which reminded me of Willard's heaving chest and firm arms.
"Well," Orin said, "he's certainly smarter than most of my men. He has a good vocabulary,"
"Huh. He probably likes to read,"
Orin's ears stood up and his eyes slightly glanced to the right as he contemplated the idea. "Maybe. He's walked around Alpis, so he's had plenty of free time,"
"What did he do before? Did he have a job?"
"He was the son of a smith,"
"That explains all his muscles,"
"He wasn't with his father for very long," Orin continued. "Some Talth killed him years ago and Aaron's been traveling on the road ever since. He knows how to fight, though, which is really all that matters,"
"Time on the road is a great way to learn how to defend yourself," I said. "Especially if he's lived this long,"
Orin nodded, silently.
"So we know he can fight and that he's intelligent," I said. "What else? Is he kind? Funny? Good in bed?"
Orin blinked and looked back at me, slightly smiling as his ears flattened a little. "He's all those things,"
"Then I say just go for it. If he's open minded, nice and good at sex like you say, ask him if he wants an actual relationship. He might be interested,"
Orin's ears twitched a little. "You think so?"
"In my opinion," I said, "you've got more to gain than lose. If you approach him again, you'll either get a funny, sexy guy who'll treat you nicely or get a polite 'no,'"
"He might..." Orin began, the words becoming stuck inside his throat as his ears began to flatten again. "He might laugh at me,"
"Why would he do that?"
Orin shrugged. "He might be the kind of guy who sleeps around and never thinks twice about it. Plenty of men are like that. If that's the case, he'll laugh because it didn't really mean anything to him,"
"Then fuck him," I told the coyote. "Would you really want to be in a relationship like that, with someone who just laughs in your face when you tell them your feelings?"
Orin shook his head and weakly said, "No,"
"Exactly. It's better to be alone than with someone who treats you like shit,"
The coyote thought for a moment and grinned at me. "Thanks for the advice,"
"You're welcome,"
"You really know a lot about relationships for someone that's lived in the woods for... How long?"
I better watch what I say. If I use "we" or "us," Tess might be locked up, too. "I've lived in the woods for a little over sixty years,"
Orin practically fell out of his chair. "Sixty years?"
"Yep,"
"But you only look twenty!" he said, his ears standing at full height.
I laughed at his shock and even found myself a little flattered by it. "Sorry to break it to you, but you're a little more than fifty years off,"
Orin became quiet and stared at me with surprise while his lips slightly parted.
"It's because I'm a witch," I explained.
"How?" Orin asked. "Is there some kind of potion you make or something?"
"No," I said, smiling at Orin's ignorance. "There are a couple of theories I've read about. The most popular one that's mentioned in a lot of books about magic says that, because we can interact with the world around us in a way that no one else can, we absorb its energy every time we use magic. But, like I said, that's just one of several theories,"
"Why hasn't anybody found the answer?" Orin said, sounding actually interested in the subject.
"Most of the witches and warlocks died during the Scouring. Since then, there haven't been any new books or discoveries with magic,"
Orin's ears flattened back and his voice dripped with guilt. "Oh, I didn't mean... I mean... I forgot about that,"
"It's fine," I said, showing that I wasn't offended.
"So," Orin continued, his ears raised again, "how powerful is magic? I've only heard stories and I don't know how many of them are true,"
"Well," I said, actually still surprised that Orin was interested in talking about the subject, "since there are so many lies and theories about magic, I'll just give you the basics.
"Magic lets you alter the world around you. For instance, I could set a piece of wood on fire or snap it in half. I could even change it into water, but that takes a lot more energy. It's impossible for anybody to pull something out of nothing or teleport like in all the famous stories about magic,"
Orin's ears twitched and his forehead wrinkled, but he remained silent.
"What's wrong?" I asked, wondering if I hadn't been clear.
"I'm sorry," he apologized, as if he called me some rude name. "It's too personal to ask,"
"More personal than my sex story?" I laughed.
That seemed to make Orin want to open up a little. "Well, you've been on your own and... I was just wondering... How do you manage? I mean, I'm surrounded by an entire City and have my job to focus on. But you were living in the woods. How do you go so long without seeing or talking to anybody?"
Does he suspect that I didn't live alone? Shit. No. Maybe's he's just actually curious. He did say he's lonely a lot, so he probably just wants to know how to cope.
_ _ "At first, it was hard," I said, actually finding the answer very easily. After all, there were times when I missed my parents and Willard, especially during the first couple of days when Tess and I were on our own. "You feel like just pretending to be something you're not would be easier, like you would make more friends that way. But, once time passes, you start to appreciate that nobody is around to judge you, or hurt you. Sure, you get lonely once in a while, or wish you could go meet someone new and exciting, but, for the most part, you remember that you can finally be who you really are. And that's what keeps you going, the fact that you never have to put on a mask or act happy just for someone else. Your life is finally your own and you can be free,"
It wasn't until the end of my long-winded speech that I realized Orin's eyes were red, nearly tearing up. The captain's ears hung back and his lips quivered as he rose from his chair. I thought he was going to make a run for the door, to keep me from seeing him cry, but he approached the bars of my cell and wrapped his fingers around them instead.
"I wish," he said in a weak voice that I could barely hear, "that I could free you, but I... The queen would execute me for treason. And, if I ran, she'd send men after me,"
"I understand," I told him. "Don't worry about me, Orin. I'm sure everything will be all right,"
"But you're going to die!" he said, his voice shaking and his grasp on the bars tightening. "When Queen Talis comes back from the Fanged Peaks, she'll execute you. Aren't you even a little worried?"
"Who knows what will happen?" I said, trying to come up with a reason for my confidence that didn't involve Tess. "Queen Talis might just hand me over to some apothecaries to be studied, like some new species. Not that I'd like that, but it'd be better than dying. She could also keep me here, locked up forever like some kind of pet she'd show off whenever some king or queen visits. But, until she returns and gives you an order, who can say what she'll do?"
Orin slowly slid his hands down the bars and let go, staring at me with pity. He and I both know Talis will execute me, but I know Tess will try to save me before then. "Gwen. I won't lie to you...since you've been nice to me... You'll be killed. I don't know if it'll be beheading or hanging, but I can tell you now that you'll be given a death sentence,"
"Then there's really nothing you can do," I said, hoping that I hadn't caused the coyote to feel guilty for my situation.
Orin sighed and hung his head low. "If only I wasn't such a coward,"
"You're not a coward, Orin," I said, fearing that Orin actually blamed himself for me being locked up. "Life is finally going your way and you don't want to ruin it. Not only are you a captain, but you have a chance of getting a good boyfriend. If I were you, I wouldn't want to give all that up, either,"
Orin looked up at me and his eyes were filled with even more pity than before. "If things were different, Gwen, I'd... If you weren't a prisoner, I would have liked to be your friend,"
That caught me off guard. Did Orin really like the idea of being friends with me? We had hardly known each other. But he's never opened up to anyone this much, so it makes sense that he feels this way.
_ _ "I would have liked that, too," I said, discovering that I admired Orin and shared his feelings. "I don't have many friends, as you can probably guess,"
The coyote smiled at that and took a small step back from the bars of my cell, wiping away the tears from his eyes with his metal fingers. "I'll visit you again sometime tomorrow, probably in the evening,"
"So late?" I asked with a smile to show that I was joking. "Did I bore you that much?"
"No," he said with a chuckle. "I just have a few things to do,"
"All right. Until then,"
"Have a good day, Gwen," Orin said. "And, if you need anything, jut ask the guards on duty. If they don't get you what you want, I'll make sure that they do next time,"
"Okay," I said. "I will,"
"Goodbye,"
"Goodbye, Orin,"
The captain then turned and walked down the hallway. A few moments later, the door screeched open and he said, "I'm done. Return to your posts,"
The clanking of armor began to echo down the hall, which was followed by the roar of the door slamming shut. The three knights on duty then arrived back into my view and sat at their table, resuming their conversation in their original seats.
"So, what was weird about Tabitha?" the knight on the far left of the table asked, facing the middle one. "I fucked her last week and she seemed okay to me,"
"She's not... It wasn't how she was acting," the middle knight said, searching for the right words. "It's something she did,"
The knight on the right butted in and asked, "She try to spank you? I hear foxes are really into that,"
"No," the center knight said with a heavy sigh. "She... When I was on top of her and we were fucking, she stuck her finger up my ass,"
And, on that note, I think I'll take a nap.
_ _ As the center knight began asking if it was "gay" to like a girl's finger inside of him, I lay down and closed my eyes, begging for sleep to quickly find me