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Mona was living up to her name, being even more vocal than usual in her enthusiastic coupling. A well-made golden-furred Labrador of early-middle years, she was rarely stingy in how she used her voice during lovemaking, but today was one for the books. Tommy had always been good, but for some reason, he was really giving it his all today. Instead of the usual (and much appreciated) rhythmic pistoning of his hips, he had varied his tempo, moved himself in all directions rather than just in-and-out, and_damn_this panther felt even more huge than usual, had he taken something to make himself--

"ArrrOOOOOF!" she articulated cleverly as her thinking mind made the idle threat to leave her again, not as if she gave a damn; the sensory overload was being dutifully recorded for both current and future appreciation. She could feel him becoming more erratic, growling more deeply, and she knew The Moment was upon him for the second time that mid-afternoon. She reached up to grab his head, pulling him down to her breast for his sharp teeth to attend to one last duty before he pulled away, threw his head high, arched his back, snarling and spitting in his release as she too howled in one last explosive, consciousness-robbing climax.

She recovered from_le petit morte_ some seconds after, feeling Tommy collapse atop her, his breath no less labored and quick than her own, huffing like a labored freight train into the ruff of her neck. She summoned some strange reservoir of strength and brought a forepaw up to caress his head as he purred uncontrollably, the sound vibrating against her body like the toys she used to have to rely upon until she had found him. It had taken some long time, but find him, she did, and the only thing that could have made this even the slightest bit better would be to have taken him in the back yard, the summer sun high and bright, the breeze carrying the scent of their assignation to every house on the block, the seething heat of his black fur, the cool grass on her knees and forepaws as he--

The fantasy accelerated swiftly in her mind, and she shivered once through, rousing the solidly-muscled panther from his doze. He looked up at her, his eyes heavy-lidded and sleepy, the smile on his muzzle reflecting a delicious contentment that began to express itself in a particularly sweet kiss that lingered longer than usual. She cupped his face in her forepaws and drew back gently from his lips.

"I don't want to sound like a throwback to disco days, lover, but you never done it like that."

The deep, throaty laugh continued as he kissed her palms, giving them a teasing lick with his thick, nimble tongue. "I just want to make sure you want to keep me around. I'm still able to learn a few new tricks, at least. Unlike certain old dogs."

Mona rolled her eyes. "Please, leave Eddie out of this. What is it that makes accountants so_dull?_ They keep their pencils sharper than their wits."

"And pencils aren't made for pleasure, except on a crossword puzzle."

"Sausage, however..." She performed a kagel, making him grunt, then laugh softly, licking her cheeks and muzzle with affection that they had created for one another over the past many months. It had begun in desperation, but it had developed into something that neither of them wished to stray from. Her junior by a dozen years, he had proven to be a remarkably reliable and faithful lover, and no fool either. Instead of being possessed of youthful insistence that Mona dump her accountant husband and run off somewhere to pursue some blissfully perfect haven of living on constant copulation and ramen noodles, Tommy was glad to keep things pretty much as they were, enjoying time while Eddie was out totting up numbers and bringing home the metaphorical (sometimes literal) bacon. On Eddie's extremely rare weekend adventures (only two, since the panther and Lab had been enjoying each other's delights), they took the chance to enjoy each other briefly, a dangerous activity only in that the number-cruncher had no fixed agenda for such outings and might pop home at an unfortunate moment. During the weekdays, the lovers shared as much of the house as they wished, always happily certain of the older dog's schedule.

Mona elicited a noise most often described as "the grunt of pullout," and Tommy rolled to one side of her, still catching his breath a little. Say what you wish about evolved felines retaining some semblance of their ancestor's barbs... they certainly added a bit of spice, even when slipping back out. Whoever had thought of that "French Tickler" condom had never enjoyed the tickling of a proper cat.

"Hey," the panther offered, wrapping an arm around her. "I finished that kitchen remodeling gig yesterday. I've got five crisp hundreds in my wallet, and I'm up on my rent and bills enough that we could drop 'em any way we want. How about a drive upcountry a bit? Maybe one of those small tourist towns where no one would know us."

"Tommy, your housemate has to drop you off here every time we want to get together."

"That's because it would make the neighbors antsy to see a stranger's car parked here so often. Miguel is a good friend, and he can keep a secret. He says it's because he remembers his own 'randy younger days.' Personally, I think he's got his own playmate that he wants to visit with while I'm out of the house. Look, I've got a nice comfy old coupe that I bought for a song last year, and it runs great. We could spend the day doing something silly and romantic, poking around shops, having a great lunch, maybe even a B&B if you could steal the whole night away."

"I'd have no excuse to stay out all night."

"What about your elderly aunt who sprained her ankle and needs you to help out for a night?"

"I don't have an elderly aunt."

"Maybe we could rent one."

Mona laughed as Tommy nuzzled her breasts teasingly, the way a good lover would do. He kept learning, kept finding things that Mona really enjoyed, things that would make her tail wag furiously unless he were keeping tight hold of it for leverage. That thing he did, sitting in the kitchen chair, while she sat with her tail free to express itself with great enthusiasm... yeah, that was memorable, original, definitely a first for the female, and an impressive confirmation of what the furniture salesfur had insisted was the safest, strongest, and most stable kitchen dining set ever made. Mona had sometimes wondered if the manufacturer tested for that type and level of use, in which case she'd not have minded applying to their Quality Control department for a regular job.

"So how about it?" the panther asked. "I've heard about a terrific little wine bar in the valley. I'm told they stock a terrific brie."

"You do make it sound amazingly tempting. I'm worried about schedules."

"Mona, admit it -- his schedule never changes. I could actually walk up to the door at 7:27am, knowing that Eddie's already left for work two minutes prior; I could drop you off at 5:22pm and still have three spare minutes before he even turns the corner at Tolbert Road. And we could play it safer, make it eight-to-five, and we'd still have a wonderful day together. Whadda ya say?"

"How am I supposed to cook dinner after having drunk wine?"

"Never bothered Julia Child, did it?"

Canine and feline enjoyed the kind of healthy laugh that always felt like a proper part of a good afterglow. They cuddled and nuzzled and kissed and licked lovingly at each other's muzzles--

--freezing at the sound of the front doorknob trying to turn...?

"What the fuck!" Tommy exhaled harshly, sitting bolt upright. "Did you lock it?"

"Of course, but that can't be--"

"Mona, sweetie?" called a voice from the far side of the house.

The lean panther exploded from the bed, trying desperately to locate his clothing.

"No time!" the canine hissed. "Hide!" She grabbed at her lover as he headed toward the walk-in closet. "NO! No telling what he's here for, out the back door, hide in the shed!"

"The hell--!"

"We're trying to sell it, it's empty, no reason for him to go there, GET IN IT NOW!"

The sound of keys scraping in the lock decided the issue once and for all. Tommy sprinted out the sliding glass doors at the back of the bedroom, leaving them open with a fresh breeze billowing the curtains inward. Mona could hear the sound of the shed door latching as she moved at a speed heretofore unknown by any other member of her breed, gathering up the sweaty sheets before dashing into the master bathroom.

"Mona, honey?" called the voice, now having entered the house. "It's okay, it's just me!"

"Bathroom," she sing-songed from behind a mostly-closed door. Dumping the bedclothes onto the tiles, she covered herself in a robe and yanked the laundry hamper from its place, tossing the sheets onto the pile and hauling the whole bundle up from the floor just as her husband gently pushed the door open.

Eddie Robbins smiled at his wife with a loving benevolence that was almost enough to make her feel guilty ("almost" being the operative word). He looked exactly like what he was: An average, middle-aged beagle of passable build, dressed for adequacy in a reasonably respectable off-the-rack suit, button-down shirt of a single muted shade of a devoutly inoffensive color, an utterly neutral tie, and that most ancient of anachronisms, a plastic pocket-protector sporting a pair of pens and a mechanical pencil, none of which had left the protector since they were first installed several years ago. He was solid, reliable, dependable, responsible, and until he had padded into the house a few moments ago, eminently predictable.

"Everything okay, hon?" he asked solicitously.

"Just fine, dear." Her smile felt as forced and frozen as her dialog. "I'd finished my exercises and was going to take a shower, when I realized that the clothes I wanted to wear needed to be washed. Thought I'd do the bedclothes while I was at it."

"Here, let me take that," the beagle offered, taking the laundry basket gently from her. "I'm so very glad that you've taken to locking up the front door behind me each morning, dear. It makes me proud and happy to know you're safe here at home, and that no one can come in to hurt you. You take such good care of me and all our things, including my most precious thing of all -- you." He turned to see the drapes billowing at the open sliding glass door, then looked back to her, still smiling. "And airing out the bedroom as well! Great choice for a softly windy day. You're so thoughtful, Mona, thank you!" Sniffing gently, he added, "I guess someone else has been working out, maybe in their back yard... That breeze certainly carries scent, doesn't it?"

He turned and headed back toward the laundry room. Having little choice, Mona padded out of the bathroom, glancing quickly at the floor around the bed to see where Tommy had flung his clothes. (She cast up a quick note of thanks To Whom It May Concern that the panther always went commando when he visited -- only a shirt and a pair of shorts to keep track of.) She was surprised to see that they had landed near the sliding glass doors that led out to the patio and the yard and shed beyond. She remembered then why she'd had the fantasy about making love in the back yard: He'd teased her about it, standing right there at the glass. She'd gotten so hot that she stripped him on the spot. The clothing, left in a small pile, must have been concealed from view by the billowing curtains. Making sure that Eddie had left the room, she grabbed them up, wadded them together into a ball, and threw them in the general direction of the shed. If Tommy was watching through the crack between the door and shed wall, he could see them, put them on, high-tail it over the back fence, and run like hell. Only after she'd tossed the bundle did she worry about keys, change, wallet, and cell phone in the pockets. The package landed with a faintly tinkling thunk. With luck, the phone had insurance.

"Any delicates in here I should be aware of, punkin?" called the voice from the utility room.

"No, it's all washables." Mona arrived in time to see her husband measuring soap and additives to the already-filling washer, making sure all would be dissolved into the water before adding the clothes. He had shown her this method of doing laundry in their early days of marriage, but unlike some of those terrifying movies she'd heard about, he'd never done something insane like force her at knife-point to do it this way or else. Eddie was far too bland for such drama. He may have been sorta OCD, but he'd never been a tyrant about it. He wasn't about control; for him, it was just about efficiency. "Is everything okay?" she asked. "You're never home so early."

"Just an amazing bit of luck is all." The beagle loaded the washer with an economy of motion foreign even to most seasoned housekeepers. "I finally found a buyer for the shed."

Mona felt her face refreeze into its guilty rictus. "Oh really?"

As if it were somehow important that his wife know all of the details of the transaction, Eddie launched into what could have been a prepared speech for just about anything that Mona hadn't the slightest interest in. She caught a few phrases and bits of a story involving several strange machinations of office personnel, friends of friends of Muzzlebook companions of local linkage, the sum of three hundred dollars, the costs of having the shed moved properly, a conversation at a local watering hole during lunch, an interest in examining the shed, and would it be all right with her if the buyer came to look at the small construct later this evening, while there was still light for it to be seen properly?

Realizing that it was, at long last, her turn to speak, Mona finally managed something sufficiently articulate to be agreement. If it were possible to have one's hindpaws bored enough for them to want to run away, with or without one's body attached, Eddie had found the way to make it happen. "Yes, of course," she said numbly.

"I think it's a good deal, don't you?"

"Yes, of course."

"And the buyer is willing to pay half the cost of transporting it, isn't that wonderful?"

"Yes, of course."

"An amazing deal, and it just fell into our laps!"

"Yes, of course."

"I'd better make sure that it's cleaned out."

"Yes, of course."

Several seconds later, Mona's brain actually processed Eddie's last sentence along with the fact that her husband was no longer within her sight. Stifling a cry, she ran back into the master bedroom suite in time to see that her husband had already padded outside and was just about to open the shed door. In that sense of slow motion which unthinkable situations bring about, the Lab saw the pile of clothes still outside of the shed and opened her maw to make only the tiniest of squeaks before Eddie's forepaw grasped the shed door and threw it open wide.

"Oh my," came Eddie's soft appraisal of what he saw there.

"Good afternoon, good fur." Mona knew Tommy's voice when she heard it; she just couldn't believe how calm it was. "Might I assume that you are Mr. Robbins?"

"Why, yes, I am." The beagle turned his gently confused gaze to his wife. "Mona, why is there a naked male panther in our shed?"

"If I may explain," Tommy continued smoothly. "I realize that this must look to be a particularly compromising situation, and I hope to avoid any misunderstandings."

Where, Mona found herself wondering, did he learn to talk like that?

"Mrs. Robbins had let certain of her friends know that you had this shed for sale, and through them, I asked her to call me -- with her number blocked, of course, for proprieties' sake."

"Very considerate of you, young fur."

"A married female's reputation should never be brought into question for any reason. I had suggested that perhaps I should wait for the weekend to examine the shed, so that you might be here to assure that all is as it should be. Being both cautious and clever, your wife suggested that, as long as I didn't enter the house, there should be no reason for tongues to wag."

"Isn't she splendid?" Eddie gushed a bit, favoring the Lab with another appreciative smile. "She even keeps the doors locked when I'm not home, just to be safe."

"And I insisted that she speak to me through the closed door, just in case. I did bring along a recommendation from her Aunt Tina who, I'm honored to say, holds me in high regard."

"I'd no idea she had an Aunt Tina," the beagle frowned.

"Oh, not blood family," the panther laughed easily. "An affectionate name, it would seem. I work as a carpenter's mate, and my boss and I were installing some new cabinets for her. When Miss Tina was showing her next-door neighbor the work, the conversation about construction, tools, storage places... eventually, you see, it came around to my looking for a shed just about this size, and Tina remembered your good wife's comments."

Mona ached to see Tommy directly, to have a look at just how well all this was coming across to Eddie. However, it was already established that the panther was starkers, so there was no way that she could sneak a peek without bringing this whole story down off its props.

"I came around the house to the back here, to examine the shed, while Mrs. Robbins stayed inside. She waved to me through the glass doors just beyond -- I'm guessing they lead to the master bedroom, since they don't seem attached to a living room exit...?"

"Precisely so. Lovely design, especially on warm summer evenings."

"I could only guess, good fur. At any rate," the panther continued, seeming to get into the story, "I got a good look at the outside of this fine structure, and I noticed that the door was not latched, so I began to inspect the interior."

"Does it suit you?"

"More than I could say. You see, I want it for storage and use of my free weights, as well as for general exercise. It's a passion of mine."

"I daresay," Eddie offered politely. "You do seem quite fit."

"Oh, thank you, thank you. And thank you also for your patience, because I'm finally about to explain just how I came to be in this embarrassing condition. You see, part of what I was looking for was a good, solid structure that would also have what might be called optional venting. I find it beneficial to work out in a closed space, so that I can work up a good sweat and not be in danger of having my muscles cool down too quickly from cross-ventilation."

"Yes, I see! You were wanting to see whether or not the shed would retain heat."

"You're most perceptive, good fur, and here is where I am entirely at fault for this terrible situation. I began performing some simple exercises at first, warm-up exercises, when I realized that I didn't want to get my clothes sweaty." Tommy's voice sounded chagrined. "Exercise is its own drug, I fear. My only thought was to continue exercising, and I set my shirt and pants outside of the shed, just outside the door there, and I kept on with my routine. I hope that your nose isn't offended by my workout..."

"No, not at all. A good, healthy sweat. I should do more for myself." Eddie patted his slightly-rounded belly, a jocular chuckle escaping his lips. "How, then, did you...?"

"When I had finally finished, I opened the door to the shed just a crack, and I couldn't see my clothing anywhere. I realized that the wind must have tossed them just outside my view. Well, you can see my conundrum! A young male, parading naked in your back yard? Unthinkable! Responsible neighbors might well have called the police, and even if they had accepted my story, what an embarrassment to you and your good wife."

"You are a most honorable young male, good fur." Eddie nodded firmly.

"I did notice, after a bit, that Mrs. Robbins had opened up the glass doors, perhaps thinking that I had simply left the premises. Calling out for her help would have alerted the neighbors as well, so my only thought was to wait either for your return this evening, so that the male of the household would be present to set things right, or at the worst to wait for cover of darkness and hope that I could make an escape without being mistaken for a burglar."

"Oh, good heavens!" Eddie's face became a completely sympathetic frown. "How terrible! You have done much to save my and my wife's good name, young fur! I hope you've not suffered long!"

"Better my brief suffering than the slightest stain upon your reputation."

Mona couldn't be sure, but she had the sense that Tommy had bowed after this last chivalric statement. Her own heart still had not managed to slow down much, as she had no idea just how long this line of crap could continue.

"Well first," Eddie said looking about, "let me gather your clothes." He padded a few pawsteps away and gathered up the shirt and shorts. "How strange that the clothes seem to have traveled in a direction opposite of the way the wind is blowing."

The briefest pause. "My, aren't the breezes capricious today?"

"Oh, without doubt."

"Perhaps I should just don those quickly and--"

"I wouldn't dream of it!" the beagle insisted. "You've had a terrible time of it, fretting over an equally terrible situation, and I couldn't possibly let you get your clothes sweaty after all this. Mona," he asked the Lab sweetly, "would you be so kind as to bring a towel from the bathroom, and set out another while you're there?" Eddie practically beamed. "I insist that you come inside and have a proper shower. I'll be sure to turn off the washer for a bit, so that you don't have a sudden burst of hot water; you've been through quite enough today, and I would not be so churlish as to treat you as anything less than an honored guest."

Mona went to get the towel, if only to keep herself from fainting.

* * * * * * * * * *

"You gotta be shitting me."

"I wouldn't shit you; you're my favorite turd."

The Mexican wolf fell back against the padded seat of the booth and gave forth a full-bellied laugh that didn't stop for half a minute. Had he and the beagle not been at the back of the bar, they might have drawn a crowd, just to see what was so funny. When he finally regained himself, the wolf managed through his grin, "He actually came up with all that folderol on his own hook?"

"I know. Far more intelligent than I gave him credit for."

"Not that you've had a chance to get to know him or anything." The wolf sipped his beer. "So tell me the rest. You didn't offer to scrub his back, did you?"

"Tempting, if only to have seen the look on his face. No, I left him to his shower, taking Mona into the kitchen, talking to her about her 'Aunt Tina' and what the panther had said about his interest in the shed. She managed to keep her wits about her, making up a story almost as good as the young feline's. When I asked her how much he'd considered offering for the shed, she said five hundred dollars without thinking about it. The young fur joined us shortly after, sparkling clean and dressed again in his clothes. I told him what Mona had told me, and that I accepted his offer of five hundred dollars. His ears went back a bit, and his tail twitched once through, but he caught himself and gave me five hundred-dollar bills from his wallet, right there on the spot. I of course told him that such a generous offer merited my paying for the delivery costs. I said I'd arrange to have the shed moved first thing tomorrow morning. I hope he's got a good space for it."

"I imagine there'd be room in his back yard," the wolf chuckled. "Your wife's a bright one, Eddie. Not too faithful, but bright."

The beagle shrugged gently. "She's had three affairs in our entire married life, and I don't really count the first two as they were more or less one-off indiscretions that she quickly withdrew from. This affair has gone on for many months now, and it's better all around for her to stick with one male. More chance to create a good set of excuses for nosy neighbors, less chance of anything truly dangerous happening to her, or to the house for that matter. And now that I've actually met him, I can say that she seems to have chosen well."

The wolf considered his companion for a moment. "It really doesn't bother you?"

"No, not really." Eddie smiled. "I never could be what she really wanted as a lover. I did try. I love her enough to have tried, and I love her enough to let her be happy."

"I still don't really understand how you came to marry her."

"She may not have an Aunt Tina, but she does have the metaphorical Rich Uncle Pennybags. You know how difficult it is for anyone to move up the ladder in any profession, but accounting is even worse than law or politics. Basic number-crunching can eat up a lifetime, all-too-modestly paid even with cost-of-living raises. The cliché is the son-in-law who is 'kept' by the boss. I'm good at what I do, and even Mona's uncle realizes that, but Mona was my foot in the door. Without that, I might never have gotten the recognition, the office, the salary, all of it. And as we've noted, Mona's bright. Keeps a good house. We're not too compatible in bed, but the rest is good."

The wolf leaned forward. "Why not just tell her? Be honest about it? Give her the chance to get to know the kit for himself? From the way you talk about him, you might even befriend him yourself."

Eddie shook his head, a touch of sorrow in his eyes. "For one thing, I think she likes the intrigue. For another, her uncle isn't nearly forward-thinking enough to allow such a thing to exist. Very traditional, that old dog. Mona would be forced into divorce, and I'd be the wronged spouse, so she'd get nothing. I don't want that for her, or even for the young panther. He's not ready to take on a wife yet, which is why his affair with Mona suits him so well. No, this all has to stay secret. Maybe sometime in the future, it could change. If I peeled off and started my own small firm, or semi-retired, I could come out of the closet as a wittol and not feel the slightest shame or compunction to 'correct' the matter."

A snort from the wolf. "Not the only closet you'd need to come out of."

"True enough," the beagle grinned. "I've wondered how Mona would feel about having a_ménage a trois._ Maybe young Tommy could be convinced that I'm not the stuffy old accountant that I make myself out to be."

"You're hardly stuffy when you're with me... unless it's me that's in the mood to be stuffed." The wolf reached out to the beagle. "Eddie, I'm happy having you with me whenever I can."

"It helps that you know when Tommy's out of your house for a while." Eddie reached for the wolf's forepaw and squeezed gently. "I don't think Mona's expecting me back for a few hours. Think Tommy's home yet?"

"He came back, smelling of strange fur shampoo and moping about having 'lost his wallet.' I loaned him some money for dinner and a movie, so he won't be back for a little while. Wanna go to my place and fool around?"

"It's never fooling with you, Miguel." The beagle grinned widely. "Let's go."

"You aren't gonna want to do something kinky, like sniff his used shorts or something, are you?"

"He doesn't wear shorts."

"You noticed!"

"Difficult not to. C'mon, you." Eddie rose from the booth and turned to his lover. "I can claim I'm helping you figure out where to put the shed."

"Upwind."

"Of course."