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Chapter 5

“I'm fine. Well, I'm not fine - I'm here." ? Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story

Tony stared at the rifle in his hand and gently stroked the gun with his fingers. The rifle appeared old, as the numbers dated the gun a few years before he was frozen. The rifle was a point 30 special that was heavily modified to help compensate for the kickback. Tony's eyes focused on the scope for a few minutes before he spoke. “Doc, remind me again why I'm here?"

Doctor Smit laughed lightly before answering, “Therapy is a lot of trail and error. We throw things at the wall and hope they stick. Think of this as a way for me to have you open up in an environment you have complete control in." Tony's eyes were fixed on the rifle as he set the rifle against his shoulder and looked down the scope. He sighed to expel his stress and concentrated his focus. His breathing could only be heard inside his head as the headset he wore muted all sounds except for what the microphone would allow. “So," Smit continued, “want to tell me about what happened last week?"

Tony slowly squeezed the trigger and felt the rifle buck against his shoulder. A hole appeared in the center red circle of the target. Tony took his left hand and balled it up underneath the part of the rifle that was against his shoulder. “What part?"

Smit spoke again through his headset, “How about after you picked up Kleio?"

Tony squeezed another round and watched as it tore another hole next to the first one. “You mean after I freaked out from the huge spider?"

“Yes, and I am sorry about that." Smit apologized again as Tony squeezed out another shot. “I asked them to not have him work that day, but a lot of problems occurred which made it unavoidable."

Tony fixed his gaze down the scope with everything he had as he pictured the giant spider-like thing on the target. He squeezed the trigger several times until he didn't feel it kick again. He closed his eyes and stood up to grab another magazine. “It's okay Doc, nothing in life is controllable except what we think." He pulled the empty magazine from the rifle and put a new magazine in. He chambered another round before he sat back down and concentrated down the scope again.

Tony looked over his shoulder as he saw the patient rat anthropoid watch him to continue. Tony took a deep breath when he looked down the scope again and slowly let it out. “Okay doc, I get what you want but it's going to take more than an hour."

“It's okay," Smit responded with a smile on his face, “Today is just for you so we've got time. Besides, I'm from what used to be called Germany. We love long stories." Tony laughed then squeezed a round off before he started to tell Smit everything he remembered from last night.

Tony felt the eyes on the back of his head as he stared at the sign. He thought hard as to about if he should go in or just walk away. It would have been easier for him to walk away and just go to bed, but he knew that people would expect him to be there. He straightened himself to a full posture and walked in. He heard the door bells ring as he opened it to see Ren and Kim talking to Kumbukani. A look of shock on Ren and Kim's faces startled Tony for a second as he walked towards Kumbukani. Tony plastered the best smile he could manage across his face as he walked towards them. “Hi guys, what's up?" Ren and Kim looked at each other before leaving to take care of other customers. “Something wrong with those two?"

“No, it's just that we were having a private conversation." The leoptaur shook her head no as she spoke before looking past Tony. “I'm sorry, we haven't been introduced." Her hand shot outward towards the jackaless anthropoid behind the human.

“Pleasure to meet you, my name is Kleio. Tony had some problems so I'm here to help solve them." Kleio shook the leoptaur's hand gently until she let go of the jackaless' hand.

“What sort of problems?" Kumbukani shrank back from Kleio when she heard 'problems'.

The jackaless smiled slightly, “I can't really say. I want Tony to explain if he wants to." She placed a hand on his shoulder as she spoke. She felt him almost recoil from her touch before he straightened himself upright again.

“So why did you do that?" The voice was clear in Tony's headset which stopped him from firing.

“I'm sorry, say that again?" Tony asked.

“Why did you recoil from her touch?" Smit asked again.

Tony squeezed off another round before he answered him. “You remember what it's like to be in a warm blanket when the world outside is snowy and cold?" Tony continued without waiting for a response. “It's kind of like that except touches are a promise for a hug." Tony stopped firing the rifle as he picked up his head to look towards the target without the use of the scope. “Hugs to me are like the warm blanket. Letting me know everything will be okay and that the scary world would remain outside. It's like someone could tell me anything and I would believe them." Tony's eyes were losing focus as his attention went inward to his past. The focus returned to where he was when Smit spoke.

“So then someone could easily manipulate you with just a touch?"

Tony shook his head yes slowly as he responded, “In a manner. That's kind of why I don't like to be touched."

Smit continued for him, “because you don't want that happening again." Tony didn't respond for a while as shots were fired down range. “Go on, please."

Tony plopped himself down in the chair that was left for him across from Kumbukani. He stared across the table at her until their eyes met.

“I want to talk to you about something Tony, but I don't think it's a good time right now. I can't be sure what I say will be kept private." Tony's eyes fixated on Kumbukani while she spoke. She started to shrink away from his puzzled face before Kleio spoke up.

“It's okay, I think I know what you want to talk to him about." Kleio continued as she sat down next to Tony. “I'm here as an extension of someone, but I have a code that I follow. I won't give away unnecessary information unless I get your strict permission." The table became silent as facial conversation between Kleio and Kumbukani took place. Tony drummed his fingers against the table as he waited. He picked up his hand to slam against the table before the leoptaur continued.

“I used to be a man." The information out of Kumbukani's mouth came out as if it was a an explosion. Tony stayed perfectly still as the information was processed inside his mind. She continued as the silence was deafening. “I used to work as a breeder which meant that I was on call to mate with any woman that was in the mood." She paused a bit before she continued. “Which is who the guy was on the bus. Sometimes you had to be aggressive in order to fulfill certain women's needs."

Tony's head shook a little before he locked his eyes with the leoptaur's. “So you are a man in a woman's body that used to be a gigolo?" Tony almost stood up until he felt a large hand gently guide him back down. He broke eye contact with her as he looked at where the hand was coming from. He stared into the jackaless' eyes then noticed a finger covering her lips.

“It's okay to be upset but please try to stay calm. Some people are ashamed of being a breeder because the job isn't exactly looked upon as a stable one. So take a couple of deep breaths and think before you respond further."

Tony stayed seated as he felt the hand move to his back to slowly rub it. “But that's not the part that really puzzles me." Tony was startled when Kumbukani spoke up.

“What is the thing that puzzles you?" The leoptaur asked.

“Why did you become a woman? I figured you were happy with what you are when I watched you." Tony's face became a little flushed as he responded to her.

Kumbukani's eyes began to show tears when she answered him. “I became a breeder because I hated being a man and myself. I kept going because I knew I could bring someone some happiness. Five years passed before I looked into becoming a woman." Kumbukani's face was stricken with tears as she continued. “I became a woman when everything I knew and did reflected that of a woman's perspective. I always felt like I was a woman. I was good at my job because I knew what women wanted. It was the same thing I wanted which solidified my reason to become a woman." She wiped away her tears and paused for a few seconds. “I became a woman six months later and felt like I was complete. That's when I decided to become an office worker so that I could help solve problems like mine and make others whole."

Tony's mouth opened and close several times without a sound coming out before he let out a hollowed deep breath. “So then are you completely woman?"

The leoptaur chuckled lightly before she answered him, “Yes. I wasn't a taur before I became a woman. This is a brand new body that my mind was transferred to." She chuckled again as she wiped away her tears. “You really are a strange man, aren't you?"

Tony felt his body tense up a little, “Yes. I am..." He stopped when he felt a soft, large hand touch his arm. He looked down at the hand before looking up to the gaze of Kleio who softly shook her head. He closed his eyes and breathed out before he continued. “I am a strange man in a strange land." He opened his eyes to see a confused look on the leopardtaur's face.

Tony handed the rifle to the doctor who cradled it. Tony's gaze fixated on the rifle as Smit spoke. “So how did the evening end?"

“The rest of the evening was pretty quiet." Tony's gaze now fixed on the target down range as he searched for the correct words. “I had a lot to think about and why Kleio is there. I kind of understand why but..." He took a deep breath, “I just don't understand anything anymore. It feels like everyone is lying to me, to themselves, or to each other."

“That would be true," Smit spoke after some silence from Tony, “if she didn't have a sex change. Our society now doesn't just give anyone a sex change that has money, especially since money doesn't exist anymore and it's just a matter of necessity. We have the person go through several tests including a psychological test. We don't expect them to pass the test perfectly, or even remotely, but they need to pass one thing: the need, the have to, and the closure. If someone actually fits those qualifications for a sex change then we go through with it. The process can be done with a few DNA re-sequences and adding the right organs or even a brand new body." Smit paused for a while to see if Tony had questions and to absorb the information.

“So essentially, if the person wanted it, they couldn't have it. Only if they need it to survive or stay sane." Tony thought to himself out loud but jumped when he heard Smit laugh.

“Not exactly but somewhat close. Sanity is what we perceive and what agrees with everyone. It's a lot more complex than that, but it's why it works. We take every case on a person-by-person basis and we don't flat out say no."