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I knew my senior prom was going to be a disaster when the most popular girl in the school asked me to it.

Courtney Vincent was a fox. Silver fur, tail with black tips, eyes that said 'you kiss these lips and you'd better be brave.' She wasn't a cheerleader. She hated cheerleaders but pretended not to because they all wanted to be her. She was a gymnast, and beautiful even when she wasn't balancing or swinging on something, or bending herself into backflips and splits like her bones were made from elastic. I was transfixed by watching her.

I did not want her as my prom date. It wasn't just because everyone else did.

'Todd,' she said, her hands on my shoulders in the corridor by our lockers. 'Let's just keep this simple. You're going with me because you're never going to ask anyone else, because you're a coward, and that's exactly why I like you. You're not going to try anything with me. You're going to hold my hand all night and we're going to have a nice time, and I'm not going to have to put up with any of the other jocks.' She was running her hand up my tail, and when she got to the tip she kept hold of it. It was making me shiver. 'Also, you're just about my league. You're smart, you're fit, you're a nice guy. So you'll do.' She sniffed. 'Oh yeah, and you shower. For a raccoon you're clean as a bedsheet.'

The one thing worse than saying no to the most popular girl in school would be calling her any of the words that were on the tip of my tongue. 'People are going to hate me for this.'

Still holding my tail, she pulled it round me and pushed it against my stomach, backing me up against my locker. 'People are going to hate you more if you say no to me, because let's face it, that doesn't happen. Ever. So just say yes and I'll pretend you were the one who asked me. Yes?'

'Yes,' I said. She was right, I wasn't going to ask anyone else. I wasn't even going to go. 'And by the way, I really like being called a coward. You know how to boost a guy's self esteem. It's no wonder they all want you as a prom date.'

'You're sweet, Todd,' she said, and stood with her face close to mine, a smile on it and her wet tongue poking slightly out. 'They want to fuck me. Being a prom date's only a stepping stone. You're going to be a good boy and do nothing except hold my hand and make people jealous, and that's exactly what I want. And just in case you go to sleep with ideas in your pretty head, this is not_foreplay, I do _not want you, there is no double meaning. I just want this arrangement. It suits both of us.'

'Why?' I said as she walked down the corridor, swishing her satchel over her shoulder.

She turned and kept walking. 'You don't have to be a coward, Todd.'

I didn't have to ask what she meant either. It was okay though. Nobody else would have known. But Courtney Vincent did, because she was just that smart. The looks, the brains, the girls secretly hated her. Probably because they envied her ability to do what she'd done to me - reach in to tear out the heart but then at the last minute crush it instead and just leave it there crippled instead.

Wasn't graduating from 12th grade supposed to be the best time of my life? I'd had my eighteenth birthday two weeks ago. That didn't live up to much either. I hadn't even got drunk; I didn't like drinking. I liked sports. I'd had a basketball game that day and buried the winning 3-pointer on the final buzzer, for a game we weren't supposed to win. The team had all sprayed me with shaving foam and soda cans in the changing room. I still had bruises from twelve noogies in twelve different places, like each was a birthday present. I'd felt cool right then. Then they'd come to my party and pretended to like that I picked a metal bar and that they liked the death metal karaoke and weren't just secretly laughing at me doing it.

I wasn't a coward. I was one of the best athletes in the school and I didn't even make much of a song about it. I just got up and sang songs where I got to scream, because I liked it, and I didn't care what anyone else thought. Hard to care about much when you're winning and then screaming and somewhere behind it all you remember that you're an adult now. Even if you are still technically in school.

I certainly wanted to scream now. Courtney Vincent knew the truth. If I'd said no to her, everyone else would have too. She hadn't had to say it. That look, her playing with my tail, invading my space, she wanted me to know that was nothing compared with what she could do to me.

Murdering your prom date would make a great death metal song.

* * *

I wished it would rain all the way home, but no. It was June and summer was in full swing. The streets were empty. Everything smelt like orange trees, mesquite and the metal from hot cars. I hated my life. So much that I didn't even care about making it worse.

I sat quiet at the table while my mum asked everyone what they'd done with their day and Dad humoured her with his silence. Always the same. Curious, she hardly ever asked him. My younger brothers and sisters were mostly still in the life being fun and exciting state. Drusilla and Lucy were thirteen and fourteen, and still hadn't figured out that 'Muum, really, this again?' wasn't enough to outsmart her. It wouldn't matter tonight. She got to me, and I told the family about Courtney.

Everybody in this town knew who Courtney was. Everyone knew her family. Even the kids who couldn't understand popularity much knew she was popular. My brothers all stared at me. My sisters, even the younger ones, knew what Mum was going to say.

'She asked you? Isn't it supposed to be the other way around? When I was your age a girl never asked a boy. She must really think you're special, young man. I hope you said yes.'

'She's a fox, Mum. Wouldn't you rather I had someone from, y'know, our own species?'

'What have I told you?' She said. 'In this house we celebrate diversity. Please tell me you didn't turn that girl down.'

'No I didn't turn her down. Everyone's going to hate me a prom now. Even the team. And they're all going to expect me to...' I looked around the table awkwardly. 'Well, you know. And if I don't I'm going to get ripped. By everyone.'

'Don't be so silly,' my mother said. 'It's only a prom and it doesn't end in that for most people. If your friends say it does, they're probably lying.'

'Are you guys talking about sex?' Felix, my nine year old brother, said.

My mother gave him one of her stern looks. 'Not at the dinner table. And Todd is far more sensible than that anyway.'

Rocco, my older brother by one year, sniggered.

'Something funny, young man?' My mother said. 'Todd learned the right lessons from what happened to Alfie the same way you did.'

Looking at Rocco meant Mum didn't see how Dad rolled his eyes. 'I'll clear the plates,' he said.

The eldest raccoon of the family, Alfie, got his prom date pregnant two years before. Every time it came up my mother reminded everyone how much she loved her grandson Freddy and then ran off a whole great list of 'buts.' But Alife's got no money and lives in a crap apartment. But Alfie isn't happy. But Alfie won't get married because he knows it will end in divorce because that prom date he was once in love with is as much of a handful as he is. But Alfie's lucky he doesn't have more kids with a whole den's worth of women the way he carried on. But good well behaved Todd, he wasn't going to do that. He was Mum's little saint.

I died inside every time we had a dinner like that. This time though, I was a flatliner before I even sat down at the table. I simply didn't care.

Mum went out to get the dessert. Great, it was going to be peaches and ice-cream. Yet again.

'Courtney_Vincent,_' Rocco said, looking at the ceiling and poking his finger through the circle he'd made with his other hand. 'You go, bro. You won't make Alfie's mistake. All he forgot to do was put a raincoat on the dog before it had its dip in the river.'

'Don't be disgusting, Rocco.' Lucy said.

'I'll give you two more years before you want a boy to get plenty 'disgusting' with you,' Rocco said.

'Todd could ask someone better,' Lucy said. 'Why don't you?'

'Because...' Oh man, was I seriously about to open my mouth? 'Because what's the point? I'm not even bothered about prom. It's a waste of money I don't have. I spent all my weekend job money on sports kit and music.'

'I'll lend you money,' Rocco said. He was working, apprentice mechanic at Joe's Garage and truck shop. 'Hell, you bagged Courtney f'kin Vincent.' He always bit back swearing in front of our younger siblings just in case Mum heard. 'I'll give you your prom money as your graduation present.'

Courtney was right. I didn't have to be a coward. I was going to start changing that right now. 'You know what? Good idea. Let's go talk about my present then. Let's go for a walk.' Mum came back in. 'Mum, can we be excused? We've gotta go for a walk.'

'Do we?' Rocco said, perplexed.

'Yes we do,' I said. 'I need your advice. It's a brothers thing.'

'Don't you want desert?' Mum said.

'I weighed myself this morning,' I said, pretending I had. 'I put on two pounds. Gonna get kicked off the team if I'm not careful. Rocco could do with dropping a couple of pounds too. Come on, we're going out.' I didn't wait for Mum's permission this time.

'Woah little bro, am I at least allowed a pair of shoes for this walk?'

'Yeah, hurry up.'

'Think you might want some too?'

'Mum,' I heard Felix say. 'What's putting a raincoat on a dog before it takes a dip in the river?'

Rocco dived out and slammed the door behind him, forgetting about shoes.

'Barefoot's the latest trend,' I said. 'Don't worry.'

'It's summer, this is burning my pads.'

'You'll get used to it after a minute or two.'

'What the hell's up with you? Where are we going? And I wanted my desert.'

'We're going to the prom field,' I said.

'The_prom field?_ That's four miles away!'

'It'll get your pads used to the heat.'

'Bro, you've really gotta learn to drive.' Rocco fished in his pocket for his keys. 'Until then, get in the goddamn truck.'

* * *

My school didn't do prom in the hall or the gym, or even in the school itself. We used a grass park with a stage permanently set up for bands. Next door was a farm with a straw barn. When we got to the park, I still made Rocco go for a walk to the barn.

'This is where Alfie did it,' I said. 'He told me. This is where it always happens. I'm supposed to bring Courtney Vincent out here and hope I don't get caught by one of the ranchers.' I sat down on one of the bails. 'Rocco, I don't want to go with her. I know I can't get out of it now, it's probably all over the internet already. But...how do I get out of this?'

'Bro, what's up? Most guys would give their balls for this. Okay, I get it, you don't think she's for you and it's awkward because she backed you into a corner. So let's talk about it then. Who do you want to ask?'

I couldn't talk. That feeling where I was ready not to be a coward was long gone. Just as well I was sitting down, my legs felt like they weren't there despite that. I took a deep breath. 'It doesn't matter. I'm going with her. Let's just go home.'

'Bro, if we go home right now you're going to spend the whole night not sleeping and keeping me awake because I can hear you raiding the fridge every half an hour. You didn't even wait for Mum to say we could go and right now she's probably trying to stop Felix getting onto the internet. So we're in the shit. Let's make it worth it. What's really bugging you about this?'

'Like you haven't guessed. Courtney knew. She wanted me to know she knew.'

'Well she might be a mind reader, but that's because she's Courtney Vincent. I'm Rocco and I'm too dumb to go to college. But I'm too smart to just pump gas. So come on. Try me.'

I couldn't look at him. I just stared at the floor and sat on my hands, trying to pretend I wasn't trembling. 'You ever met Courtney's twin brother?'

'Colton? Yeah, I know who he is. The skater. The hotshot who thinks he's too cool for school. Always gels his fur up thinking he's a movie star already. Teacher's pet during the week and in trouble with the cops every weekend. What are you worried about him for? You think he'll make your life hell if you don't do right by his sister? Bro, he's full of - '

'I want to go with him.' That shut him up. Now I made myself look at him, my ears flat against my head the way they always were when I felt like I was dying of embarrassment. This time it was worse. But at least I could look my brother in the eye. Courtney was right. 'I think I'm gay, Rocco.'

I certainly knew he wasn't a mind-reader now. He really hadn't known. 'Whoa, Todd-o. Seriously?'

'Yeah.'

'Because you've got a crush on Colton Vincent?'

'Quit judging me already, I didn't ask for this. You think I want to be like this? If anyone finds out about this I'm dead. Look at all the idiots I have to play ball with. The swimming team, just think about what if they knew this.' My heart was thudding like I was in the race of my life. 'They all dream about cheerleaders. I dream about being Colton's friend. Because I know I think he's cool but it's a different kind of cool. The kind where I wish he was on the team. Any of them. So I could watch him take a shower. And don't you dare laugh. I'll kill you.'

Rocco shook his head. 'Bro, this is the coolest thing you've ever told me.'

I felt like electricity had gone right through my heart. 'What?'

'You know why? Because I'd never have had the balls to be you right now.'

I stared at him.

'Okay, maybe that wasn't such a good choice of words, but I mean it. I could never have told Alfie something like that. Or anyone else. Respect, bro.' He put his fist in the air, waiting for me to punch mine lightly against it. I did, but this time it was like I was punching a power cable and hoping I was faster than the current.

Rocco laughed. 'That sucked, Todd. Do it again.'

I did it too hard this time, and had us both waving our hands about and sucking air through our teeth, our knuckles killing. 'That's more like it. Now listen up. You want Colton? We're going to get you Colton. Because you're the one in our family who deserves something better than what everyone else got. I don't know why I'm even surprised.'

'What do you mean?'

'We're raccoons, Todd-o. We're not jocks. We don't play ball, we don't run, we don't swim even though we're supposed to be good at it. We're lazy and pudgy and we grow up to get desk jobs.' He held up a finger, obviously thinking of himself. 'Or spend all day covered in grease and engine oil. Look at you. How many people said you couldn't become what you are? How many of our kind look like you? So you're gay. Or you think you might be. That only means there are probably several boys who already like you and they're just waiting for a chance.'

'Oh man, quit it already. You're worse than Mum.'

Rocco waved it off. 'I'll let you in on a secret. Courtney Vincent asked you because she wanted to stop at least half a dozen other girls from getting there first.'

I sighed. 'Thanks for kissing my ass, Rocco, but I know this isn't how it works. I'm not special. I'm just different. Too different. And if I don't score with Courtney everyone will know. Nobody straight gets this wrong. What am I supposed to do, lie about it? I can't lie, that's shit. And I don't know how. And Colton would beat the shit out of me if I even told him about this, let alone if I tried anything.'

'How do you know?'

'Because I know. Look at the people he hangs out with. I do not need them laughing at me. Or the team. Or anyone. You're right. I worked for what I've got. I don't need something like this fucking it all up.'

'Okay. So here's what you do.' Rocco scootched up closer to me. 'You take Courtney to the prom. You have a nice time. You might even score her and like it. But most likely you won't, and if people think that means something, let them think it. What matters is Colton will know. Then you can see what he does.'

'Avoid me like I've got fleas and they're carrying the black death.'

'Bro, how do you know that's who he is underneath? Have you even talked to him?'

'He doesn't know I exist.'

'So you've just landed the perfect way to make him notice. All that stuff I said about his style, you already noticed it, and him, and more. You already know how to make him look at you. You know how to tell him without telling him. And if you're right and he tries to beat on you, tell him me and Alfie will cut his head off and rip his lungs out through his throat and tell him "Skate on that." Then find somebody better.'

'You're living in a bigger dreamworld than I do.'

'Bro, listen to me. A year ago, I was doing all this. Remember me taking Crystal to this?'

I remembered. I was still certain he thought I didn't know the story. 'Her dad was in prison for robbing a gas station but everyone believed the rumour that he was a drug dealer. So everyone nickname for her was Meth, saying he named her after it. You got drunk on tequila and accidentally called her it to her face, and everyone laughed and she realised they'd all been calling her that too. So she kicked you in the balls. Then she went on the stage and stopped the band and told everyone you once peed in your sleeping bag in summer camp when you were fifteen.' I couldn't help but snigger. 'Did the pee thing actually happen?'

Rocco shrugged. 'Yep. But you know what I did after she told everyone? I laid her best friend after the sympathy routine got me there. I wasn't even trying. And she wasn't good looking but I enjoyed it. And I learned looks don't matter when your balls have been crushed and someone's stroking your ears. Then maybe looks don't matter at all. Bottom line? When this is all over, most of the things you get hung up about right now just won't matter. And by the way, newsflash, loads of jocks are inside a massive closet. You really never noticed anyone checking you out? Not even the swimming team?'

'So not going there.'

'Just keep your eyes open. Because no offence, but you could do better than Colton. But you know, I really want to see what happens if you ever bring him home to Mum and you two are holding hands. I can see her fainting right now and there are lights and bells and big board that says 'Payback!' while the audience cheers.' He waved his hand like he was some big Broadway star on a stage talking about New York City.

'You just want this to work to freak Mum out?'

'I want it for you,' Rocco said. 'Remember that money I promised you? You're going to need it. You wanna get noticed and not noticed all at once? There's some stuff you're going to need. Start naming it.'