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No sleep.

I can't... it's... I...

Is this...?

No sleep, yet somehow I dream.

Adrian is dead.

He's alive, but...

I can see it. I can feel it.

I play through the scenario dozens of different ways in my mind.

I open his bedroom door.

There he is.

And he's dead.

Or maybe he's dying and I'm too late to save him.

If I had arrived just ten minutes earlier...

Every time I find myself back in reality I have to look at his sleeping body silhouetted in darkness, or run a paw through his fur, to remind myself that he's still there, still breathing.

There's no way I'll get any sleep like this. I resign myself to the inevitable.

Eventually the horrific alternate realities subside and I'm left staring at Adrian, my paw resting on his shoulder, wordless, sleepless.

I don't know quite how long I stay in this position until my alarm blares and I'm forced into movement, I only know it's a long time. Adrian is still snoring softly as the screeching sound scrapes my ears.

I'm red-eyed and wired exclusively on bottled emotion and sleeplessness, but It's time to get up and do things whether I want to or not.

I stroke down the fox's side and after watching him breathe for a little while longer I rouse him into the waking world.

I ask if he's planning to go to work today. The no is unsurprising, he has a sick note lined up after all. I get him to call into work then leave him while I get ready for the day.

I get clean, get dressed, get coffee.

I say goodbye to Adrian and tell him he's welcome to stay as long as he likes.

I don't tell him I haven't slept and can barely think straight.

He thanks me profusely, says he'll stay at least one more night. He tells me he'll go collect some bits from his apartment soon to set him up for a longer stay. Then he reminds me that he's meeting with Eve later and adds that I should go to our usual meeting spot after work, that he'll be there on time and hopefully bring Eve with him.

The thought makes me smile. I head out in a decent mood despite the night I've had, glad to think that things might return to some semblance of normality so soon.

Still, my exhaustion makes travel to work a total blur, nothing about my world solidifies until I arrive and quickly get called to the manager's office. Dom wants to know what the hell happened yesterday. I can't really blame him.

Even so, I don't want to give a precise reason for Adrian's absence. It's his story to tell or avoid telling as he so chooses. I tell Dom that after the call yesterday I suspected Adrian to be in physical danger so I rushed out of work to his apartment and, finding him injured, helped get him to hospital. It's detail-light, but not a lie.

Processing my story he gives me a stern look.

"And Adrian will confirm this when he returns to work?"

"Yes."

"And what exactly was the danger? Why didn't he call in yesterday?"

My mind is made sluggish by lack of sleep. I can't think. I stammer, muzzle flapping in the open air.

"It's for him to tell, really."

"Is that right?"

"Yes."

"But you're the one who ran out halfway through the workday. If you can't prove that you had an urgent and serious reason there will be repercussions."

He looks up from a stack of evidently unrelated paperwork he's holding and taps the stack against the table in a sad attempt to add some sense of drama to his words. It irritates me. I stiffen and even my tail settles into complete stillness.

"Adrian is the one who's absent and my actions were a result of that. Surely you have no business asking me about personal events relating to another member of staff. He is the responsible party, and as I'm sure he's told you by now he will have an official doctor's note on return accounting for the dates of his absence. What exactly is the problem here?"

His eyes grow dark in a way I'm not used to. I become nervous, but alongside the nerves is anger.

"If you think you can get a half-day off free, just like that, you will be sorely disappointed. This isn't about Adrian, this is about you, Kaleb."

Nobody calls me that, my full first name. I hate it. Kaleb. I don't know quite what it is about the name that I hate so much, but I hate it. I grow angrier.

"I went to help Adrian because he was in physical danger. That's all I'm going to say, Dominic."

My sarcastic flair is probably not helping my case.

"If there is something important about Adrian's situation that the workplace doesn't know, we should be informed."

His persistence grates me. Surely company policy is not so invasive? It's as though he has a personal agenda. It's not hard for me to imagine what that might be.

"He's fine."

"So fine that you ran out of the workplace without an explanation?"

Maybe I should just tell him everything, maybe it's not a big deal. I'm worried how it might affect Adrian, but you can't fire somebody because they're depressed. Then again that doesn't mean telling the truth wouldn't affect him at all. They could probably fabricate some other reason to let him go if they saw him as unstable.

If I'm truly honest only part of it is that I don't want to put his job in danger, more than that I don't feel like it's my place to tell his truth or Dom's place to ask after it.

Fuck, I wish I'd slept, this is more difficult than I'd hoped.

It's barely been an hour and I'm missing the fox already. My chest flutters with irrational worry. Is he doing okay? Maybe he woke up, felt the same darkness he felt yesterday and downed all the pills in the house. Maybe he's already dead.

"Do you want to know because you're personally concerned about Adrian? Or is this company policy?"

"The company and I want what's best for our staff."

"Really? And you have no stake in this at all?"

His eyes and ears twitch. He looks away. He fidgets with his fat fingers.

"Of course. I enjoy what Adrian brings to the company."

"So this is about his professional skills, that's why you want to know so badly? You're looking out for a staff member that you value highly."

Adrian is a great fox, but not really more than an average worker. We both know that.

"I value Adrian's presence of course but, uh, this is also about clearing up your case of truancy."

"So what exactly do you want me to tell you?"

"Tell me why exactly you had to see Adrian so urgently. What happened to him? What are his injuries like? What caused them?"

My ears flick. All he cares about is whether Adrian will continue being his sexy eye candy.

Maybe I'm being cynical, maybe my tiredness is affecting my judgment, but the way he talks about Adrian, his nervousness, those hungry looks he'd often shoot towards the fox, they all lead me to assume the worst

I shouldn't say it - even so exhausted I know I shouldn't say it - but out of anger and disgust I can't help myself.

"So you want to know what's happened to him. You can't even wait a while longer to hear it from the fox himself. I bet it's got nothing whatsoever to do with that cute butt he likes to show off in those tight fitting clothes?"

There's a pause.

"Excuse me?"

"I was wondering if your concern for my closest friend, Adrian, maybe has more to do with his butt than his physical or mental health."

His grits his teeth. His paws become fists then straighten out again. He shoots me a fierce glare.

"What, exactly, are you suggesting, Kaleb?"

He takes a moment to lay his paws flat on the desk between us, fingers splayed out, making sure his wedding ring is in full view. He glances, perhaps subconsciously, at a photo frame in front of him, no doubt a picture of his family.

"I'm not suggesting anything. I'm saying you sure do like staring at my friend's ass." He looks straight at me, silent, unflinching. "Everybody knows it. You call him into your office for anything just so you can watch him leave. Though I'm sure you enjoy watching him approach too. He does so like to leave his shirts half unbuttoned, doesn't he? Don't play coy Dom. I've seen where your eyes wander. I've seen you lower whatever paperwork you're holding in front of your crotch when you're around him. I can connect dots, you know?"

"How dare you." His words are low and spoken slow, drawn out. Dangerous.

It seems that somewhere along the line I stopped giving a fuck.

"He's single you know. If you're so into him why don't you just ask him out?"

"I'm married!" He half-yells, half-growls. "To a woman!"

As though that somehow makes him superior.

I shrug, nonchalant. I'm content to go along for the ride at this point, my future is certain so I may as well have fun. It feels good to let my feelings loose and not care about the consequences.

"You aren't exactly the first middle aged queer in a loveless marriage lusting after younger ass."

Silence settles in the room, and for an instant I watch from above and understand that I really have said all those things and that Dom is, in fact, my boss.

I really should have slept.

"Kale," Dom speaks between gritted teeth.

"Yes?"

Needless to say, I'm fired.

It isn't quite as clean and simple as that, but soon enough I've emptied my desk and walked out the building without saying a word to anyone.

The only person I really care about who works there is Adrian.

I curse myself. I've probably just made Adrian's work-life harder, not easier. I'm a fucking moron. I may just be the most idiotic wolf in the world.

Redundant, deflated and, once again, out of office early, I have to find something to do.

Really I should start updating my resume, but my mind is consumed with other things.

I return home, primarily to get my office possessions out of my paws, but also to check on Adrian.

I call his name when I get in. He doesn't respond and he isn't there when I check the bedroom. My heart starts racing. I call his name again.

No response.

I can't make sense of it. I'm sleep deprived, stressed and confused. I'm aware that my thinking isn't entirely rational but I feel powerless to change that. For fuck's sake, why did I have to leave my phone at Ryan and Marty's?

Focus. What happened to Adrian? Where is he? Am I going totally crazy? Did any of yesterday even happen?

I find strands of his fur in my bed and start to calm. Through my exhaustion I remembered what he told me this morning. He was going to head over to his flat to pick up some clothes and supplies. I must simply have walked in while he's out doing that. There's nothing to worry about.

Adrian was here yesterday, and this morning. He's alive. He's okay. I need to think logically.

Leaving, my instinct is to follow Adrian's footsteps: to walk to his apartment and help him pick out clothes or bump into him on the way there. I want to see him again more than anything. I want to make sure he's okay, to make sure things happened how I remember them, to be certain that my fox made it through yesterday intact.

But that's a dumb idea. I know it's stupid even as it pecks and heckles at my subconscious.

Instead I make my way towards my phone. I need it back.

I take a bus, tired of the constant walking, wishing for once that I owned a car, not that the added bills would help my current situation.

I'm pressing the buzzer for Ryan and Marty's apartment by the time I realize I haven't smoked all day or, somehow, even thought about smoking until now. The urge hits me hard but I do my best to suppress it, though more out of a faint desire to ignore the discomfort than any attempt at self-betterment.

"Hello?"

The otter's voice comes through clear. I wasn't entirely sure anyone would be in, but I had no idea what else to do. Thankfully I got lucky.

"Marty, hi, it's Kale."

"Kale? Hey! I guess you're here for your phone?"

"Yeah, that's right, and to say hello, you know?"

"Great, come on up."

At his door he lets me in with a strange, apologetic half-smile.

"I put your phone in that draw," he says, pointing. "But it's vanished. I can only guess Ryan took it."

"Why would he do that?"

"I guess he wanted to give it to you himself." He looked to the side, at nothing in particular and frowned. "He was probably trying to impress you."

I pause and attempt to take in the information. Failing, I instead change the subject. I tell him the start of my week didn't go as planned, that I haven't made a decision on the two of them and that I have some personal things I need to sort through before I can move anything forward on that front.

Part of me never wants to deal with them, though I don't admit it do him. For god's sake the last two days have left me redundant and shaken, I'm not sure they'd even want me anymore.

Despite my selfish declarations he tells me he understands completely and hugs me tight against him.

It's a nice a gesture, one that tells me he's here for me, that he empathizes with such personal struggles and that he doesn't hold anything against me.

I ask him where Ryan might be. He shrugs and says he has no idea. He tries to call the husky, but it goes through to voicemail. His second attempt is no more successful. He stares at me with a grimace.

"We've been arguing." He says flatly. I can tell it's all the explanation I'm going to get. Really, it's all the explanation he needs to give. "If you don't bump into him come again tomorrow after work and I'll make sure your phone's here." He pauses and clicks his fingers, realizing something. "Wait, shouldn't you be at work right now? Coming out here and heading back must take longer than your break lasts." My mouth parts involuntarily, I close my eyes, I exhale slowly. I'm about to speak but my motions say it all. "Fired?"

I nod.

"It's sort of related to that personal trouble I was mentioning. Don't worry about it though, I'll be fine."

I'm not entirely sure whether I believe my own words or if my tiredness is giving me some false sense of security.

He hugs me again and I reciprocate. He leans in to kiss and I pull away.

"Sorry," he says sheepishly, letting go of me. "We're not on a date any more, you might not even be interested in me. I shouldn't have assum- ugh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"No, it's not- it's, it's... I've had a strange couple of days."

I lean in and kiss his nose. His bright expression returns almost immediately and at once I feel sorry for him. My life has become complicated but, despite his wealth and name, Marty's life isn't close to perfect either. For starters he's having trouble with his closest friend - I know how that feels - and, because of me, his love life is in stasis too.

"I'm not trying to buy your affection Kale, but if you end up struggling to find a job know that I can help out, I have contacts. And... if you're short on rent, talk to me before something drastic happens."

I hold up a paw.

"Thank you Marty, really, but I'll be okay. I'll be on the job hunt very soon, I'll find something, and I have some savings to get me by until then."

Marty listens, nods along and shrugs.

"Okay Kale, but I'll leave the offer open. I don't want to see the people I care about suffering if I can help it."

He asks about my plans for the day, of which I have very little other than meeting Adrian and Eve, then he offers me a smoke or something stronger.

His ease of speech around the subject makes me wonder whether he's a more regular user than he lets on, but I'm in a bad spot and he's trying to keep my mind off things. He's just being kind in his own way.

Fighting past my craving to smoke, I decline. I don't think weed would do anything to help my already-poor clarity of mind at the moment.

"Honestly, I just need some fresh air right now."

He nods slowly.

"If you ever want to talk about whatever it is you're going through Kale, please know I'll always be here to listen."

I stop and stutter and struggle as flashbacks of Adrian threaten to overwhelm me. I manage to pull myself together enough to answer him, doing my best to sound impartial and distant.

"I'll talk about it all with you at some point, but not yet."

He nods once again, his whole demeanor giving the general impression that he's genuinely worried for me. I half want to break down right here and cry into his arms and tell him everything. He's handsome and kind and thoughtful and I could so easily just...

But, no.

I'm just about aware enough to know I shouldn't decide anything important at the moment. Whenever I try and concentrate my thoughts all coalesce to focus on one thing: Adrian.

Thinking about this week's troubles I can't help but do it again.

Is he okay? Where is he now? What is he doing? Has everything gone wrong all over again? Is he lying in a pool of his own blood? Did the sadness and grief overwhelm him? Did he end his own life?

I'm jumpy, I'm paranoid and I know it. Yet for all my knowing I can't help it.

"That's fine Kale, whenever you want to talk about it works for me. And, hey, no matter what you decide about me and Ryan - hell, about anything! - we should keep spending time together."

His words are warmth incarnate. They hold me afloat a moment longer, keeping the paranoia at bay.

"Definitely," I say. "I would like that."

We exchange a few more pleasantries before I make to leave. At the door I stick out a paw as if to shake his. He stares at it for a moment with an odd expression, then takes it and shakes. I pull him in sharply and he sort of tumbles into my arms. I squeeze him tight and this time when he nudges his muzzle towards mine, ever so slightly, I lean into it.

Our muzzles part and lock together. His tongue twists around mine with a sense of effortless elegance and passion. He's as perfect as ever at this: a true master. Tender, yet firm. Submissive and assertive at the same time. A whole world of glorious paradoxes contained within a kiss.

I miss his taste before our mouths have even parted.

"I meant what I said last week, after we went for drinks, when we got a little high."

I remember: he said he thought he loved me.

"I still need to figure out what love is." Still dazed from the kiss, perhaps, I admit it frankly.

He laughs a gentle laugh.

"You'll get there."

"I hope so."

Our eyes linger on one another for a second too long for it not to mean anything, then I turn to leave.

His paw pulls at my wrist and I swivel once more.

"If you bump into Ryan, just..."

He can't seem to get the words out.

"Just what?"

"Remember... we've been arguing."

*

My exhaustion strikes me hard all over again on the bus ride home. It's only getting worse.

Adrian still isn't in when I get back, but I manage to stop myself panicking this time. He's at Eve's no doubt. Part of me wants to follow him there, but I decide better of it.

I try to update my resume but, after staring at the document on my computer screen for ten full minutes and not making a single change, I realize I'm not remotely capable of making any real progress in my current state. I'm far too tired and anxious to focus.

I settle on the less strenuous task of looking for potential new jobs and bookmarking web pages for later application.

I'm hungry but there's very little left to eat in the apartment. I'm not at all in the mood to get groceries so I use my last two slices of bread and some butter as a substitute for lunch.

I want to nap, badly, but I could so easily overlay and miss my meeting with Adrian and there's no way I'm going to take that risk.

Instead I make myself a coffee and check social media. I have a few messages from Adrian on FurBook asking me to call him. They were mostly from Sunday night, with one from Monday morning. Staring at them I feel a numbness creeping into my conscious. I close the chat log.

I remind myself again that Adrian is fine.

Still feeling uneasy with some lingering shreds of paranoia I check for proof of Adrian's continued existence in the apartment and, sure enough, I find a few sets of his clothes in a spare draw in my bedroom. He's been here recently; the fact comforts me immensely.

I make myself another coffee.

With nothing else to do I cry.

I can't say exactly why.

The fox, the job, the blood, the stress, the everything.

I don't know.

Maybe it helps. Maybe not.

Afterward I take a seat and almost drift to sleep against my will. The caffeine was evidently not enough.

I go for a walk, mindlessly pacing blocks as a way to force my brain to stay online. I have to keep myself awake and alert.

I buy a sugary treat at random from a nearby bakery and eat the whole thing in seconds, hoping the sugar might help where the caffeine fell short. It doesn't seem to.

I want my phone. Apparently Ryan is wandering around trying to give it to me.

A memory flashes in front of my eyes: I saw him yesterday, when I was running over to Adrian's. He was pretty close to my workplace, maybe he had the phone even then and was hoping to catch me as I finished work.

I walk back to my now-ex work building and patrol the nearby streets for any sign of the husky. I find none and quickly grow disappointed. After waiting around a while longer I head towards the post-work meeting spot with a sense of dull sadness, my unemployment means this might be the last time we meet here. Maybe I should have just told Dom... but, no. Well, I'm not enough in my right mind to judge. My morning self will have to deal with that.

Going now I'll likely get there a while before Adrian and Eve arrive, but I'm sick of walking so the idea of sitting down alone with a drink has become quite appealing. Hopefully the city bustle will prevent me from falling asleep.

The events of the day and my exhaustion have left me in a foul mood, so when I get to there and see Ryan I'm not as pleased to see him as I should be. I am, however, relieved and a little confused as to why he knew I'd be here, until I remember I mentioned this spot to him on our date. On one paw I want my phone back but, on the other, my brain is not at all ready for a conversation with Ryan, especially after what Marty has said and implied.

The husky notices me before I say a word.

"Kale, hey! I didn't think you'd be here this early."

I continue to approach him, running on autopilot.

"Hey Ryan. Can I have my phone?" I ask, wearily rubbing my eyes.

He flinches and adorns a confused expression momentarily.

"Uh, sure, of course," He takes it out from one of his jean pockets and hands it to me. "How did you know I'd-"

"It's been a long fucking day," I say in such a manner that he shuts up instantly. I turn my phone on; as the screen brightens and shows me the brand logo I tuck it away. "Sorry, I didn't sleep last night and I've had a hell of a time since I last did."

He softens a little at my words and points to one of the tables, it's the table Adrian and I usually sit at.

"I'm sorry to hear that. If you have some time I'd love to sit and chat."

I consider the offer suspiciously, though 'consider' may be too strong a word for it. I don't have the power of reasoning necessary at this moment in time to really 'consider' anything.

Today has been a complete shambles already and the idea of relaying the events of the last two days to Ryan does not appeal to me in the slightest, but I know that letting my tiredness heavily affect my attitude toward the husky is probably not a good idea.

I partially relent.

"Sure, we can talk a little, but I'm meeting Adrian here soon so can we make it quick?" I hear the impatience and apathy in my voice and I feel a pang of shame, but given my situation it's as cordial a tone as I can manage.

I catch him off balance with my blunt manner and plain words. A certain sense of uncertainty is clear on his face as we take our seats and order drinks.

"Sounds like you've had a rough start to your week," he begins, quickly ebbing into silence in some fruitless belief that I might carry the conversation and make this all easier for him. Instead I simply nod. He offers a weak smile. He's kind and cute and he hasn't done anything to wrong me personally, but none of that can help how much I'm not in the mood - or the right state of mind - for this conversation right now. He plucks up the courage for a more direct approach. "Is it, uh, anything you'd like to talk about?"

"Not really, no. Not yet, anyway. How come you went out of your way two days in a row to try and give me my phone back?" The question asks itself, my conscious mind lagging behind my words by several seconds. "I mean, I'm guessing that's how I ended up bumping into you yesterday."

He frowns and the waiter delivers our drinks. He grips his a little too hard as he picks it up to take a sip. His ears dip.

"How come you knew I had the phone anyway?"

"I went to your place to pick it up today and ended up having a chat with Marty. He couldn't find it and said you were out, that you were probably trying to give it to me."

A darkness overtakes his features, but it soon passes.

"Don't trust everything he says." Ryan mutters, staring blankly into the street.

"Marty said the same thing about you. I'm going to be honest, I don't have the mental energy for all this right now Ryan."

He snaps back to attention, looking me straight in the eyes.

"He did?"

"Yeah, said you two had been arguing."

He takes a moment, sips his drink, responds.

"I have to-" He cuts himself short, reassesses, takes another sip, continues. "I'm guessing whatever personal stuff is going on with you has put your, uh, decision over me and Marty on standby."

"Yeah, I wish that wasn't the case but... I know this is awkward for you two, but-"

"No, I get it, it's just... fuck, I don't know. What am I even doing here?" He breaks eye contact once more. His whole tone and demeanor changes as though something has snagged within him. For the first time since I set my eyes on him today my mind comes into focus. There's something going on here. "I'm sorry Kale, you've got shit going on in your life, I should respect that. Could you just give me a call when things get better for you, if you manage to find some time? Even if you don't want to keep dating." His whole posture seems to collapse, he slumps, his voice dips in volume and conviction. "It's just... I would really, really appreciate that."

His ears are low and his paws somehow clutch even harder to his beverage as he goes to drink.

His changed state worries me. This isn't at all like the brash, confident Ryan I was getting to know. In fact none of it has been from the moment I started talking to him today. Something is obviously wrong with him. How didn't I see that until now?

"I will Ryan, definitely. But, I can tell something is bothering you. Sorry I've been so brusque with you today, I'm not in my right mind, but tell me what's wrong. I'll listen."

He takes a deep breath, sighs, sips his drink. I start to think he isn't going to answer. In the silence I retreat inside my tired mind, thinking about Adrian and Eve, wondering whether they'll arrive soon.

"Kale... I, well, you said you don't have much time. I... really, I shouldn't. It might take a while, it's..." He struggles to form meaningful sentences. His ears flick in self-directed annoyance and he grunts in frustration. He picks up his drink and unceremoniously downs the last of it. He takes another second then stands up. "Thanks Kale, for, well, everything. And sorry about this... about- Fuck, just, don't worry about it. I, uh, look forward to hearing from you later. I mean, if you decide to call, that is. No pressure, seriously, just... I should shut up now. Have a nice time with Adrian."

I could wish him goodbye and let him go - I have enough going on in my life already - but some part of me won't let things be so easy. I stand and grab his arm as he's turning to leave.

"Ryan."

"Kale?"

He looks confused.

"Maybe you're right. Maybe now isn't a good time, but I'm done with being the kind of guy who ignores the signs that somebody is in need. I'll call you, we can talk it all through, whatever it is. Tonight, or tomorrow at the latest. If you need me sooner, you can call me. I'll be there for you, I mean it."

He smiles faintly and thinks.

"You're too kind," he says eventually. "I really don't deserve all that."

"Sure you do," I say, then I falter for a moment, unsure of my own position. Marty's words echo in my head and an unwanted sense of suspicion creeps in. One moment I want to help him, to be there for him, the next I'm not even sure I should trust him. This is all fucked.

"If you say so Kale. Thank you. We'll talk soon then." His smile strengthens as he makes to leave once more. This time I let him go.

Unfortunately there's no way any part of today could be so simple.

"Hey! Kale! Ryan!"

I follow the sound of the voice and find Adrian approaching alongside Eve. He's waving his good arm through the air and beaming at us. Today he's chosen especially spectacular earrings. There's a large gold hoop and a sparkling gem stud in each ear. Those alongside his deliberately chosen, bright, color-pop clothing means he radiates out from the crowd in an explosion of camp, joyous glory. It's mind-bending for me to think somebody who dresses and acts like he does can feel such sadness, such self-loathing that they would almost kill themselves.

Despite the memories and his poor timing, seeing him cheers me instantly. I feel happy, relieved even, and so damn glad that he's here right now, alive and cheery. It lifts my spirits and for a few seconds I forget about Ryan completely.

Eve looks happy and well too, the two of them must have had a good time together. She stares at Ryan now, transfixed, taking in every feature of the husky she had only heard talk of until now.

"Hey Adrian! Eve! Come grab a seat."

Ryan gave his greetings in a suddenly upbeat manner as the two of them approach. I see him eyeing up Adrian's bandaged arm but he doesn't ask after it and none of us volunteer an explanation. He's quickly introduced to Eve and they shake paws, but as the rest of us sit he stays standing.

"I was just about to head off actually, it was lovely bumping into you both though, and it's great to finally meet you Eve."

"You don't need to leave on our account," she says. "I'd like to know more about the husky who left such an incredible impression on our wolf."

"I really should get going, but for sure we should sit and chat at some point."

"He just came here to give me my phone back," I add. "Thanks again for that Ryan."

He shoots me look of thanks and nods, his tail wagging a little.

We say our brief goodbyes and I reaffirm that I'll call soon, that seems to please him, but despite his good-natured facade it's clear something's still bothering him.

When he's gone, Adrian and Eve make their orders and settle in.

With each new passing moment the initial burst of happiness I got from their arrival ebbs away, leaving only anxiety to replace it. I'm dreading telling them about my job situation. I really fucked up.

"Did you two have a good time today?" I ask, attempting to convey an appearance of calm through layers of sleepless stress.

"Yeah, we had a really nice catch-up actually." Adrian smiles, looking at Eve as he speaks. They seem close in an entirely new way today. "It was helpful, for me at least."

"For both of us." Eve confirms.

"For both of us." Adrian agrees, nodding.

It all seems very cryptic to me. Exactly who was helping who with what? I blame the poor comprehension on my tired mind and just nod along enthusiastically.

"That's great to hear, really," I say. Dead air lingers a moment as I struggle to find something else to say. We're all sat here pretending things are normal, that we're all just friends out for a chat, but it's not that simple. As much as I'd like to, I can't forget or ignore the trauma yesterday brought, but it hurts to even talk or think about. I doubt any of us want to dredge that up again quite yet. Instead I focus on Eve. "So Eve, have you got any update for us about your new boyfriend?"

Adrian's ears perk immediately.

"Eve's got a boyfriend?" He asks in an excited high pitch.

"You didn't tell him?"

Eve smiles and averts her gaze, embarrassed to be the center of attention all of a sudden.

"Oh, yeah, well, sort of. We haven't even been on our first official date yet. That'll be tomorrow night. I don't have any updates yet, we've just been talking a little, texting, that's about it."

"Texting? You must be serious about him to take such a huge leap," I tease, voice heavy with sarcasm.

"Wait, wait, bring me up to speed. What's his name? Is he a ferret? When did you meet him? Where are you going for your date?" Adrian is so excited he doesn't even pause for breath.

"He's called Jay. He's a wolf. I met him on Saturday and we're gonna get dinner then go see a movie." She lists off the information to Adrian in a monotone, a wry smile on her face.

"This is the most exciting thing that's ever happened to me."

"That doesn't even begin to make sense Adrian," Eve rolls her eyes pointedly.

"I honestly hope it goes well. You deserve some good loving," I say.

She grins and looks down, taking a sip from her drink.

"Thanks wolf boy."

"You definitely do" Adrian adds, nodding emphatically as he speaks. "Some long and hard loving."

She almost spits her drink up, but ends up dealing with an involuntary cough instead.

"I would be mad at you two for being so vulgar, but we always talk about your sex lives, so I guess I should've expected you to bring mine up."

"Exactly," Adrian says, beaming.

"Talking of your sex life, I heard about what you two got up to last night Kale," Eve remarks pointedly. Now it's Adrian's turn to look embarrassed.

"It just came up while we were talking," he argues defensively.

I'm not quite sure what to say, so I flick my focus back and forth between them dramatically. Eve laughs.

"Don't worry about it, I'm not accusing you of anything bad. I'm sure you both had a good time," she says. Neither of us respond. She raises her eyebrows then changes the subject. "Anyway, Kale, how has your day been?"

Terrible.

I guess this means it's time for the truth.

"Oh, well, not great to be honest." Their attention instantly hones in on me and suddenly I feel as though I'm on display, being watched and judged. If I got some sleep maybe things would have gone better, or at least different. "I, uh, I got fired."

Shocked gasps. Comforting sounds and words of encouragement. What happened?

"Fuck, Kale, was it my fault?" Adrian asks, wincing. "Oh hell, that would be awful."

I walk them through my earlier conversation, assuring Adrian that it's not his fault at all.

"Dom is a power-wielding dick and that was the last straw for me, I know I totally flipped out at him but he deserved it. I just hope he isn't gonna take my comments out on you when you get back to work. I'd be so fucking pissed off at myself if that happens."

"Fuck that, we both know you're right about him." Adrian's tone is one of self-assured righteousness. He's on alert, his ears at attention and his back straight. "He was a total perv. He was out of line, not you. And there's no way I want to keep working there after he fired you like that. I'll take my time off and hand in my resignation notice as soon as I get back. I'll search for a new job with you. We might not end up at the same place again, but the idea of working there without you, and with Dom, it's just... ugh, no."

His words leave me conflicted. For the most part I'm encouraged by his support, but some part of me worries about the fox too. He doesn't need to leave because of me. I don't want him to fuck up his career, his life, because of something stupid I've done. But he seems adamant, and I'm sure later I can talk him down to at least staying there until he has another job lined up. I need to learn to trust him. He can handle himself, this will be fine.

Our conversation moves to the mundanities of job searching. It's exactly what I need: straightforward, dull, practical discussion. It helps to ground me in reality and maintain my focus. Eve mentions there are some jobs going at her workplace that we might be good fits for. The three of us working in the same building? That would suit me perfectly.

The presence and encouragement of my two best friends makes all my stress and worry slip away into nothing. A brief glowing warmth courses through me and sustains me like a shot of caffeine straight to the heart. Hell it's better than caffeine, coffee hasn't me helped so much today.

By the time we're leaving I've almost managed to push all the drama and the pain out of my mind. I almost feel normal.

Out of work and with no real schedule I arrange to visit Eve tomorrow afternoon at her request. She offers us a lift home and upon remembering Adrian is staying over at mine again tonight I gratefully accept.

Through our conversation, as we get up, go and ride home we seem to ignore the events of yesterday and all the horror and darkness those memories bring with them, but maybe that's a good thing. Maybe we need to live on, to keep moving, to not dwell.

Still, a part of me doubts that.

Whatever the case, it seems to be our plan for now.

Eve drops us off at mine and we say our goodbyes, the mood a drastic contrast to yesterday.

It's amazing how quickly we can rebound and rebuild. In spite of what's happened we're carrying on and doing our best to make things work.

It feels good to have friends like these.

At the back of my mind: tiredness, doubt, fear, anxiety.

But I find myself smiling; happy despite everything.

I hope it lasts.

A voice inside me assures me it won't.

When I look at Adrian I see all that blood...

Then he stares into my eyes and he's wearing this goofy grin and nothing else matters.