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"Stagnated"

by K.M. Hirosaki (kmhirosaki@hotmail.com)

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story was originally published in "Heat" vol. 8 (by Sofawolf Press). Copyright © 2011 K.M. Hirosaki.

Waking up to my boyfriend sucking my dick was nice, but it would have been a bit less awkward if I hadn't just been in the middle of dreaming I was fucking somebody else.

As I let out a little groan of pleasure, I could feel his tail thump the mattress. He was proud of himself, and even though my eyes weren't even open yet, I could still clearly see the smirk he had on his lips, wrapped around my cock though they were. Since I'd just been dreaming that I'd been under someone's tail, my brain still wasn't making complete sense of the disparate sensation of a blowjob, but hey, it was a good blowjob, so I'd allow my boyfriend his pride.

Slowly, I opened my eyes, and I lifted my head just enough to look down along the length of my body to see Justin holding position, his gaze just waiting to lock with mine. His big black ears flicked, and sure enough, there was that smirk on his slim, foxy muzzle, looking exactly as I'd imagined it, exactly as it looked whenever Justin thought he was being clever and sexy and the same time.

A bit too clever for his own good, this time, what since my morning wood hadn't really been intended for him. Not like that was under my control or his. Still, it wasn't as if I wasn't going to enjoy it.

So I thought, at any rate. After closing my eyes again to relax and just feel my fox's snout sliding up and down my length, I let my mind wander, and it wandered right back to where it had been before I'd been woken up. For the briefest of moments, it was kind of hot, indulging in some naughty fantasy while actually getting my cock serviced, but guilt started taking over soon thereafter.

That guilt started to blossom and spread, making it harder to enjoy the muzzle on my shaft; that, in turn, started to make my erection falter. For a little while, Justin just tried sucking harder, and his earnestness and effort just made me feel worse for him, and that quickly killed off what was left of my arousal.

Realizing that no amount of sucking was going to keep me from softening up, Justin pulled off of me and scooted up along the bed a ways. "Everything okay?" he asked, his tone nice and simple and casual.

"You know how morning wood is," I said. Which was true enough for a non-answer.

Justin's arousal was more real, though--even my nose could tell me that much. I couldn't see down between his legs because of the way his body was turned relative to mine, but I knew his scent, and I knew that he was hard and ready to go. I made the mistake of making eye contact with him, and when he smiled at me, I had to smile back.

"I can take care of you, though," I said. It seemed like the proper thing to do.

He just smiled even wider and rolled over so that he could reach the nightstand and grab the lube. As he got himself ready, all I could think was how much I didn't feel up to having sex right now, but I felt obligated, like I had to atone for my brain being unfaithful while I slept. I rolled over onto my belly,

mostly so that I wouldn't need to look him in the eye while we did this. It'd hide my continued lack of an erection, too.

Soon enough, he'd gotten me ready, too, and I just let my face rest flat against my pillow as he crawled atop me, lifted my big, ringed tail out of the way, and worked his way in. The going was a bit tough; Justin was a big guy, and I wasn't exactly in a relaxed and receptive mood, but it was still easier to lie on my stomach and get fucked than it was to try to explain to my boyfriend what was going on.

Once my fox started thrusting into me in earnest, it broke through the haze of my sleepiness, but it also brought memories of my dream to the forefront. I kept my eyes scrunched shut and just concentrated on breathing steadily as I rode it all out. "There's my raccoon," Justin huffed into my ear, and yeah, I was definitely glad he couldn't see the look on my face.

See, the key thing was that I hadn't just been dreaming I'd been fucking someone else. I'd been dreaming about fucking a specific someone else--specifically, my friend Kervin. He was this swishy little cacomistle, gay as anything without being too flaming, pretty without being girly, super-awesome and cute as a button. He was also unique among my friends in that he was the only one that Justin had never met.

Never met, never even heard of. It didn't start out as anything sinister, but after a few months, there was no easy way I could just mention him without Justin getting all indignant and demanding to know, "How come I've never heard of this guy before?" Plus, hey, part of me had a little fun, having a harmless secret of my own to keep from my boyfriend.

Justin began thrusting harder. Getting fucked when I wasn't in the mood for it never felt good, but hopefully he'd be done soon and I could just take a long shower. I didn't usually bemoan the fact that my boyfriend was well hung, but I still wasn't able to relax, and I don't think he was noticing that.

The kicker to it all was that I should have been happy that Justin wanted to have sex at all. Months of barely even getting an attentive paw once a week were what had put me in the mindset of wanting to fuck Kervin in the first place, and now here I was, finally getting some action and being unable to enjoy it because it was so goddamn awkward.

I could feel Justin's rhythm getting less careful, so I started moaning in the hopes that it would turn him on some more and help him finish faster. I couldn't tell if it was helping or not, but I kept it up because I also needed to maintain the illusion that I was enjoying things.

Eventually, he finished, and I'd spaced out so much that I honestly couldn't tell how long it had taken. Still, with Justin collapsed on top of me, I could finally relax and catch my breath, and continue to just lie there until he was ready to let me up.

Justin's tongue licked along the rim of my left ear. "That was good," he whispered to me.

"Yeah," I muttered back. I gave my hips a lazy wiggle, the best I could muster. Justin just chuckled, his muzzle resting atop my head, between my ears.

***

Justin and I were coming up on our two-year anniversary in just under a month. Looking back on it, it was hard to believe it had been that long. Well, in some senses, at least. When I thought about my sex life, those two years felt like ten.

I kept telling myself that I still loved him, and I don't think I was even lying to myself about it.

Lately, though, I'd noticed that I was letting myself get more and more frustrated by all the little things. That, and the lack of sex, which I didn't consider "little."

For the first year of our dating, I think that the thrill of "new love" kept both of us blind to some of the more obvious truths about each other. One major thing was that Justin just wasn't as social or outgoing as I was. To his credit, he'd given it his best effort when we were still a new couple, but as the months wore on, so did his fortitude, and more and more often he took to bowing out whenever we'd get invited out to parties or nights out clubbing or what have you. I was disappointed, of course, but not offended, and besides, it's always healthy to have a personal life outside of one's S.O.

Maybe that's part of why I liked keeping Kervin as my little secret. The cacomistle had started coming to Spectrum (the local nightclub to which Justin had long since stopped going) a little over half a year ago, and we clicked really well early on. He seemed to like that there was someone at the club he could hang out with and talk to who wasn't trying to get into his pants.

What didn't dawn on me right away was that, the first few times me and Kervin had hung out, I'd never mentioned that I had a boyfriend. I was just keeping things platonic without excuses, and so I decided to run with that, and much like I'd never mentioned Kervin to Justin, I never mentioned Justin to Kervin, either.

I flipped my cell phone open and closed and open and closed as I sat on the couch. It was a Saturday, and I was seriously considering heading on up to Spectrum that night. Justin and I didn't have any definite plans, so hopefully he wouldn't mind if I went out. Besides, he'd already gotten his rocks off inside me just a couple hours before, and given his track record for wanting to have sex on anything resembling a regular basis lately, I didn't figure he'd mind my absence terribly.

"You're going to break that thing."

I looked up to see Justin looming over me, can of soda in paw, with a handsome smile on his face. My petty annoyances with him melted away, and I smiled back, rubbing my eyes as I tucked my phone back into my pocket. "Sorry. Just fidgeting."

"Something on your mind?"

"Just trying to figure out what I want to do tonight."

Justin took a sip from his soda can and set it down before sitting next to me on the couch. "Well, there's that pasta in the pantry," he said. "I was thinking maybe we could cook that." He gave my shoulder a little nuzzle.

"That could work," I said. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. My mind's eye conjured up the image of Kervin moving sensually across the dance floor. "Hey, are you okay with me maybe going out tonight?"

"You don't want to cook?" I opened my eyes to see his ears tilted back just slightly; if I didn't know Justin so well, I doubt I'd have noticed it.

"No, I mean, after that," I explained. "I just want to get out for a bit, you know? I've spent every night this week at home."

Justin patted me on the thigh and stood back up. "I don't mind. I've got some reading I wanted to catch up on, anyway." His tail tickled my knees as he walked past me.

I pulled my phone back out and set about texting Kervin. I already knew he was going to be at Spectrum that night; I just wanted to make sure he knew to expect me.

***

Justin put together the meat sauce and the vegetables; I just cooked the pasta. He was always better in the kitchen than I was, but together, we made a pretty good team.

Now, though, the aftertaste of that meal was being washed away by hard liquor. Standing over by the bar where I was, the music wasn't so loud that I couldn't still hear myself think, and I needed a few more minutes of clarity to give myself one last chance to figure out just what I was expecting or hoping for here.

Kervin wasn't here yet; I made sure to show up before he did. Part of me wanted to make sure I got a couple of drinks in me first, so that I'd have fewer inhibitions, but the other part of me was chastising myself pretty heavily for thinking that. I mean, it wasn't like I was planning on cheating on my boyfriend, so why did I need to be uninhibited? Truth be told, I wasn't really sure why I was there.

I was spared overthinking the situation. Kervin showed up just before I was going to order my second drink. He tapped me on the shoulder from behind, waiting there with a big, bright smile on his muzzle when I turned around to see him.

The cacomistle was one of the few people I knew who was shorter than me and not in grade school. Even so, his big ears and the way he held himself kept him from looking tiny. Maybe the extra-long tail added to his sense of size and mass? Whatever the case, he kept flashing me that sweet smile. "So, what's your poison tonight?"

"That depends," I asked. "What're you drinking?"

"Something gay," he said. "If it's pink or green, it gets the thumbs up from me."

I chuckled. "Duly noted," I said. He wandered over towards the dance floor and I flagged down the bartender for a new round. Settling on green over pink, I waddled on over to where Kervin was waiting and handed him one of the glasses.

"Not dancing yet?" I asked.

"Still waiting to feel the energy," he said. "Music's okay, but the right mood just isn't clicking in my head yet." He took a sip of his drink and licked his lips in approval. My mind flashed back to the dream I'd had about him.

I don't know why the dream was bothering me so much. It's not like it was the first time I'd had a sexual dream about him--hell, I'd actively fantasized about fooling around with him long before my subconscious ever got in on the action. Did I want to tell him about it this time? That didn't seem like a good idea.

The tip of his long tail flicked against my shin. "You doing all right tonight?" the cacomistle asked. "Huh? Yeah, of course," I said, feeling how badly my smile was forced. "Why do you ask?" "Just seems like your mind is elsewhere," he said. "Do you need me to help reel it in for you?"

At once, my elsewhere mind split up and went to all the different things that Kervin's comment could possibly imply. Okay, so most of those were things that he probably wasn't implying and I was just imagining, specifically because I knew I shouldn't be.

I looked down into his eyes, which reflected the rapidly changing dance floor lights, going from green to blue to red to purple and back again in time with the beat. "You ever feel like your life is

changing all around you, and you're the only person who isn't noticing?" I asked.

His smile curled up the slightest bit. "I'd say that's all just a part of growing up, but we're supposedly both grown-ups, you and I."

That made me chuckle. "Yeah, I dunno. I guess there's just a lot on my mind lately."

"Oh? Like what?"

I came within an inch of blurting out, "You," but I managed to catch myself. "Just everything, really. Work, home, stuff."

"I hear you," Kervin replied. He gazed out towards the dance floor and took a long sip of green. "Just everything," he repeated quietly. "Yeah. I think I get you. Though I think maybe sometimes I just wish things would change faster than they really are."

Something about him standing there, with his eyes just the tiniest bit distant, the fur of his face continuing to change color as the lights switched, made me want to lean down, grab him, and kiss him. I'd often fantasized that he was a great kisser, the kind of guy who goes slow and delicate and tender- like.

I didn't, though. Despite what I might have thought earlier, I wasn't in some rush to cheat on Justin. "Yeah," I responded in turn. "I think maybe that's how I'm feeling, too."

***

Justin was asleep by the time I got home. He'd passed out in bed, his book lying open against his chest, face down.

I picked it up, found his bookmark, and set it down on the nightstand. Then I crawled into bed beside him and let myself drift off.

My hope was that I wouldn't have any more confusing dreams while I slept.

***

When I woke up, Justin was all tucked over on his own side of the bed, leaving quite a big gap between us. While this was pretty much the exact opposite of what waking up yesterday had been like, this was what was usual, what had become de rigueur.

I slipped out of bed, and the fox did not stir. While taking a shower, I ended up jerking off, getting most of the way hard before I even consciously noticed how worked up I was. With water splashing over my fur, I closed my eyes and made sure that I was imagining getting fucked by no one in particular as I finished myself off and came all over the shower all.

I washed it off, but I knew that Justin, with his vulpine nose, would probably be able to smell it anyway. We'd had our sex for the month yesterday, though, I thought bitterly, and that made me feel vindicated.

As I dried myself off afterwards, I hung my head and sighed. Last night with Kervin, I'd convinced myself so adamantly that things were fine, that I wasn't lacking anything in my relationship, even when I knew it was a lie. And I'd behaved myself completely, and what was my reward? My own mind turning on me again, fueling me with feelings of defiance, taking petty pleasure out of denying my

boyfriend the sex I knew he wasn't going to have with me anyway.

Downstairs, I found that Justin had woken up and made coffee while I'd been in the shower. He sat on the couch, watching one of his police procedural shows off of the DVR (he followed three or four of them, and I honestly couldn't tell which one this was). I poured myself a mug of coffee, kept it black, and then sat down on the chair next to him.

"Morning," he said, only half-turning to look at me. His nostrils twitched. "You smell nice this morning. Is that the new shampoo we bought?"

"Yeah," I said. I looked over at him, but his attention was fully reabsorbed by the television. The thought occurred to me that I could slip out of the chair, scoot in between his feet, pull his cock out of his boxers and just go to town on him, and he'd probably at least pause the DVR long enough for me to finish, but instead I just pulled out my laptop and made a specific point not to look for porn.

***

Tuesday, Justin had to work late, so I took the opportunity to set up dinner with Kervin. He asked who else we might want to invite, and rather than have him get suspicious that I wanted him alone on purpose, I suggested a couple mutual friends who I already knew were busy. Not like the two of us hanging out alone together was weird or anything. Not on its own, at any rate.

Now that we were alone, though, I was wishing I'd taken more precautions. Precautions like jerking off before I left the house, in order to minimize the likelihood of me making a bad decision. So what if Justin had a nose that could smell it; it'd be way easier for him to smell the fact that I'd cheated on him if I came back with another guy's musk all over me.

Fuck. Well, at least I'd been smart enough to choose a brew pub for dinner, and not someplace romantic or anything. After ordering drinks and hearing Kervin order a soda, I realized that I'd never actually seen him drink a beer before, which then made me wonder why he hadn't suggested someplace else when I'd brought up hitting up a brew pub.

He seemed in a great mood, though, all smiles and none of that distant wistfulness he'd shown the other night. "I totally need to save room for the bread pudding for dessert," he pointed out as he scanned the menu.

I thought back to when Justin and I had just started dating. He'd always want to share desserts, thinking it was cute and romantic, and while I agreed, I was secretly resentful because I wanted to be able to have a whole dessert to myself. I lost a decent amount of weight back then, though, so it wasn't all bad.

Kervin, though, didn't seem to have a wasted ounce of fat on his whole body, near as I could tell, which made me realize just how familiar I was with his body, at least by sight. I could try to excuse that by saying that it just came part and parcel from watching someone out on the dance floor week after week, but no. Let him have his bread pudding, then, if it made him smile; he could afford it.

Dinner was a while in coming, but it gave Kervin and I a chance to talk and catch up on the events of the rest of the weekend. Whenever I went out to dinner with Justin, he would spend most of the wait in silence, with his eyes fixed on his phone as he either texted people or read blogs or whatever. Kervin was too naturally chatty for that, or maybe he just cared more.

"Thanks for inviting me out tonight, by the way," he said just after the waiter had finally brought our

plates by. "I needed an excuse to get out of the house."

"Everything okay at home?"

The cacomistle nodded as he took a big bite out of his huge sandwich. "Mmhmm," he muttered in reply as he swallowed. "Just looking to be a long week, and I'd like to unwind while I can."

I was feeling bold. "You know, I wouldn't mind helping you unwind. If you really needed it."

A brief glimmer appeared in the corner of his eye as he looked back at me. "Hey, just getting to leave the house is help enough," he said, but I could tell from his expression that he'd caught my real meaning.

Would I push it? I knew I probably could and still have breathing room to back off before he got offended. It was really more a question of whether my courage would hold out that long. "I really like spending time with you," I said. "You know that."

Kervin was too far away for me to see whether or not he was blushing, and my nose wasn't sensitive enough to pick up any other change in his demeanor. "You're a good guy," he said. "And hey, we're both ringtails of a sort, right? So we gotta stick together." He winked and chuckled, and the sound of it nearly melted me.

It turned out that I wasn't bold enough to tell him just how much I wanted the two of us to stick together.

***

After dinner and a serving of bread pudding each had been finished, Kervin and I went to say our goodbyes in the parking lot. Justin would probably be home before too long, and while he wouldn't be mad if I wasn't, it'd be weird for me to stay out all night on a Tuesday.

"So, yeah, if it's going to be a long wait, just let me know when you might be free to hang out again," I said.

Kervin sighed quietly. "Yeah. I'll have to see what my schedule is like," he said. "Hopefully things won't be too weird."

"Hopefully." I went to give him a little goodbye hug, but after giving his slender body a little squeeze, I held on.

He let out a soft, quiet breath, and while I might not be a fox, even my ears could catch it. I looked down and him, and he looked up at me.

The moment lingered. Neither of us said anything, and neither of us moved closer, but neither of us pulled away, either. I was so painfully aware of my every breath, of every beat of my heart. I didn't want to hug too hard; I didn't want to breathe so heavily; I didn't want to tilt my ears the wrong direction.

Realizing that I was overthinking everything, I leaned in and kissed him.

He kissed back, which actually kind of surprised me. I don't think anyone was around to see us, but I didn't really care, either. Here we were, actually kissing, and in the moment, I felt no guilt whatsoever about it.

Kervin was a clumsier kisser than I'd fantasized, but in a cute way, like he hadn't kissed a lot of

guys. And he certainly wasn't bad at it. My fingers squeezed at his hips, and I got an adorable squeak from him for my efforts.

We pulled away from each other at the same time, slowly, and it made me smile to know that we were so in sync. Now I could tell that he was blushing, and that made me want to kiss him all over again. I held back, though.

"So," I said, voice breaking on that one syllable, which made Kervin smile. "I'll get in touch with you later in the week?"

The cacomistle nodded, his long tail unable to keep still. "Yeah," he said. "I'll let you know when I can finagle some free time."

***

On Wednesday night, I tired to initiate sex with Justin as a means of making an apology for a transgression he didn't know I'd committed. He'd claimed tiredness, though: a long day at work that had just ended and another long day coming up, and so we didn't do anything. I tried to at least snuggle up to him as he slept, but given his tossing and turning, I could tell it was making him uncomfortable and interfering with his rest, so I backed off.

Thursday at work, I was lost in a total haze. I kept wondering what the kiss with Kervin meant. I kept thinking about Justin and how I wasn't sure if his being so distant was a good thing or a bad thing for the both of us.

My mind constructed elaborate scenarios of me breaking up with Justin over an obvious lack of chemistry. In some of them, the fox was very blase?, taking the whole thing in stride. In others, he solemnly accepted it but respected my decision. In others, he cried and begged and sometimes I took him back and sometimes I put my foot down and told him that it just wasn't working out.

In none of these scenarios did I mention that I had found someone else.

Kervin hadn't called or texted or emailed, and I was reluctant to do the same. I wanted to see him again, in part because I wanted to see if we would end up kissing again, and in part because I wanted to set the record straight and tell him that, no, I already had a boyfriend and that I was sorry but we just couldn't do this.

Still, Kervin and I had that chemistry that Justin and I were lacking--that connection that I so desperately craved. Couldn't Justin feel it, too? Was he happy with how things were going? Did he fantasize about other guys, too?

***

That night, I greeted Justin at the door with a kiss. It was just a tiny peck, though, as I didn't want to risk insinuating that I was up for something more so soon after he'd gotten in from work (and maybe part of me was irrationally afraid that he'd still taste cacomistle on my lips two days after the fact).

Knowing how tired my fox was, I let him off the hook and ordered take-out so that he didn't have to cook--or feel obligated to help me do so. As we ate, I looked at him, staring while trying to make it look like I wasn't.

Confusion welled up within me. Here in Justin's presence, enjoying a nice simple meal with him, I

thought about the past two years of our life together. I'd be stupid to give that up. This was our home, and there was so much in our daily lives that I was probably taking for granted now that I'd miss terribly the moment it was gone. Besides, what would our friends think?

I could tell from the fox's body language that he'd once again had a tiring day. Too tired to just receive a blowjob? Knowing him, probably. God, I didn't even know how to approach him anymore. Would I just to have cross my fingers and hope that, on any given weekend morning, I might get woken up by his muzzle on my dick again?

My fork wobbled in between my fingers. "Hey," I said, and Justin's ears perked up like I'd just snapped him out of a trance.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"So, um, do you..." My words trailed off. There were so many different ways I wanted to try to end that sentence, and it was like my varying options had caused a pileup that was keeping any of them from getting out.

"Do you still find me attractive?" Oh, God, I can see how offended he'd be just from my even asking that. "Do you want to have

sex?" No, I doubt that he would, and I'd feel like an idiot for asking so bluntly.

"Do you think we'd be able to pull off an open relationship?"

That was it, right there: my simplest solution, my way to have my cake and eat it too. And maybe in my wildest fantasies, I'd be able to say that randomly in the middle of dinner and not create the most colossal shitstorm ever.

"Do I what?"

I shook my head. "Sorry. Brain-fart." I forced a smile. "Do you have anything going on after work tomorrow?"

Justin flicked his ears and sighed. "Depends on how late I have to work," he said, turning his attention more towards his food than towards me. "Maybe we can see who all is around that wants to do sushi?"

I barely mustered a smile. "That sounds good."

***

At three o'clock the next afternoon, I confirmed with Justin--to no real surprise--that he'd be working late again. With that out of the way, I decided I'd be hitting up Spectrum that night.

I didn't get in touch with Kervin, but I knew he'd be there. He was pretty much always there on Friday nights, and if his week was as weird and stressful as he'd implied right before we kissed the other night, he'd probably be there early. Plus, if I didn't go out of my way to make sure he was going to be there, it would help avoid any weirdness if it turned out that he'd been intentionally avoiding me all week.

Sure enough, the cacomistle was already there when I arrived, and it definitely didn't seem like he'd been keeping his distance on purpose. He practically bounced as he trotted over to me. We greeted with a warm hug, and there was a split-second where I think we were both considering kissing again,

but instead we just nuzzled.

"God, I am so glad it's the weekend," he said as he pulled away, shimmying his way towards the bar, letting me follow. "I fully plan to stay out as late as my body will let me."

I chuckled. "In that case, maybe let's try not to get trashed right out the gate."

"Nah, we should start with the hard shit now," he said. "That way we can be drunk and enjoy ourselves and then still be sober enough to drag ourselves home in the wee hours."

I bit my lip. I knew I couldn't drag him home, but the thought was still more than a little appealing. But hey, if nothing else, I wasn't going to argue with his drinking philosophy. I think I needed a good, solid buzz tonight as much as he did.

Plus, the drunker he got, and the drunker I got, the greater the chances of our having a nice, long makeout session. That wasn't too much to hope, was it?

Kervin didn't take too long to find that right "energy" he needed to get out on the dance floor and start moving. He was good at dancing without spilling his drink, which was a skill I didn't share--not without just quickly guzzling down half the glass first.

I'm not sure which of us started it, but after a few more drinks apiece, we were definitely dancing closer to each other than we usually did. I know that he made eyes at me, first, before I made eyes back at him. That led to us dancing closer, then a little closer still until we were right up against each other without grinding.

Neither of us was going to let things go on for much longer before that started happening, though. I set my paws on his shoulders and he set his paws on my hips. We synchronized our rhythms and brought our muzzles so close that our whiskers were brushing against each other's. No kissing--not yet--but the look in the cacomistle's eyes told me that that was only a matter of time, too.

I held off, though. I wanted him to do it. I wanted to know he wanted it. I wanted him to initiate it so that it wouldn't be my fault that I was cheating on my boyfriend. I wanted--

As if reading my mind, Kervin leaned up onto tiptoe and pressed his lips to mine. This wasn't the tender little kiss we'd shared in the parking lot--this was deep, lustful, and sloppy, both of us groaning, the sound drowned out by the music but the buzzing in our throats reverberating through each other's muzzles.

I was going to fuck him tonight. Somehow I'd make it happen. And that would be my fault.

Despite having had a few drinks, I could no longer feel the effects of alcohol in my system. I was completely lucid, and completely fixated. My paws groped and grabbed at Kervin's ass, and he arched up against me, squeaking and gasping and digging the ridge in his shorts into my hip. His long, banded tail twisted and flowed behind him as I tucked my muzzle in against the side of his neck and just pressed myself right back against him, feeling him, smelling him, holding him.

My mind raced as I tried to think of all the places the two of us could conceivably go to be alone. Spectrum's bathroom was kind of dingy, though we wouldn't have been the first two guys to fuck in there, that's for sure. I liked Kervin too much to just drag him out into the back alley, though I wouldn't discount that option if all others fell through. Taking him to a motel would make him suspicious. There was the back room that bands and DJs used to store their stuff, but I doubted we'd be quick enough (or quiet enough) to not get caught and barred from the club for life.

I was about to just settle on the alley when what should have been the most obvious solution came to

mind. "Can we go back to your place?" I asked.

The cacomistle folded his ears back. "Not if we want any privacy." He pressed in against my hip again, as if to show that he wasn't giving up on things. Moments passed, long and awkward, but then he nuzzled at my chin and said, "Here, follow me."

And so follow I did, trying to will my erection down as we walked past the other clubgoers. If anyone noticed, though, nobody shot us any significant looks, which was good enough for me. The moment we stepped outside, I was surprised by how cold it was, but that might well have been just because I was feeling so warm and flushed.

Kervin led me to his car, a subcompact hatchback that he'd driven me home in this one time I'd had way too much to drink. I started to head around to the passenger's side, but Kervin instead went to the back and opened up the rear door.

"You're kidding me," I said. The cacomistle looked nervous. "Well, I mean, do you have any better ideas?" I thought again about the bathroom and the alley. "Not really." "So get in."

I did, and Kervin crawled in alongside me. He pushed the rear seats down so that we could at least lie down alongside each other; it was a tight fit, but it was still a fit. Once he closed the door behind him, I could already tell that it was going to get stuffy in there real quick.

We fumbled and groped at each other, one of my arms pinned underneath me, rapidly going numb. I didn't pay it much mind, though. Our muzzles locked again, and then the heat of the moment was all that mattered. I tried to keep myself from thinking about Justin, but I failed; rather than let it dissuade me, though, I used it to bolster my determination. If you still loved me, I wouldn't have to do this.

Bit by bit, Kervin took my paws' subtle suggestions for him to move and shift around so that he was beneath me, on his belly. Cramped though it was in the back of his little hatchback, it was also kind of hot--I almost felt like some naughty high schooler again, except that I'd never picked up a cute guy at a gay club back then.

Unfastening the cacomistle's belt and shorts was tricky, but he helped me with it. I pulled his shorts down to his knees, and then took my time to admire his rump, my fingers trailing over the soft fur and teasing at the root of his long tail. He sighed and shivered as a I touched him, and I tried my best to keep my attentions up as I got my own pants open.

I lowered myself on top of him, letting my shaft press in between the crease in the middle of his backside, the drizzle from my tip pooling up, seeping into him. Without lube handy, this was our best bet. I could feel his torso shudder with his deep breathing as he willed himself to relax, and I was willing to give him the time now that I was finally here.

After he gave his hips a suggestive wriggle, I went ahead and started to poke and nudge. It took some doing, but eventually, I got my leaky tip inside him, prompting a sharp gasp from him.

His head lifted back as he took a deep breath, and his ears folded the rest of the way back against his skull. The smell of the both of us was rich and heavy in the cramped space we occupied, the lack of circulation adding to the effect. I heard Kervin smack his lips dryly a few times, and then he squeaked out, "Stop, stop."

I quickly pulled out. "Sorry. Am I hurting you?"

"No, I..." He let his head back down, his cheek resting on the back of the laid-back seat. I could only see one of his eyes, which was wide open and fixed on nothing in particular. "Look, I can't do this. I really, really like you, and I thought I could, but I can't."

"Why not?" I was too legitimately concerned and confused to sound upset. "Is something--"

"I have a boyfriend."

I took a moment to let those words sink in. My cock was still hard, still pressed against the cacomistle's fuzzy backside, and my heart was still pounding with excitement. I looked down into his face, and I felt a strange urge to lean down and kiss him on the cheek, but I didn't.

"I'm sorry," he started. "I should have said something way earlier, but I--"

"I have a boyfriend, too," I interrupted.

Kervin was silent for several seconds, no doubt just as stunned as I had been just moments before. All I could hear was his panting. If anything was going on outside this little car, there was no sign of it. The cacomistle swallowed, and I could see his throat pulse.

"Does he let you fool around with other guys?" he asked. "No." Again, he was quiet. "Mine neither," he eventually said.

I wasn't sure whether to laugh or kick myself or apologize or console him or what. In all my weird worrying and fretting and fantasizing, this was one eventuality I'd never planned for. I didn't know if I felt guilty about Justin or bad for Kervin or if I felt just plain stupid for myself.

"Okay, let's make a deal," Kervin muttered, his eyes closed. "One time."

"What?"

"We do this, just this one time," he explained. "And then never again."

Now the inside of my mouth was dry. This was my window to back out, to preserve my honor andhis, to know that we'd both wanted it but were both smart enough not to go through with it in the end.

"One time," I agreed instead, and then I started to push my way back in.

He moaned, the sound soft and sultry and as delightful as anything I'd ever heard. My forearms tucked in against his sides, my paws on his shoulders as I lowered myself down, slowly working my hips down, one snug inch at a time. Once I was all the way inside, I kissed the back of one of his big ears, and he tilted his head back to nuzzle weakly against me.

There wasn't a lot of room to move, no space for any fancy maneuvering--it was just simple fucking, my hips rising and falling, his body only barely able to shift beneath me. The musky smell in the air got stronger by the second, and the windows had fogged up so much that there was no doubt what could be going on inside.

Kervin's panting was quiet, but also rough and squeaky. I could hear the tiny little hitches in it whenever I'd thrust down, and sometimes he'd even miss a whole beat, his muzzle just hanging open with a brief, unmistakable expression of shameless lust. He was so pliant, so willing, and all I wanted to do in that moment was provide for him. The air was dank, the tiny hatchback was uncomfortable, but Kervin was beautiful, my own labored breathing making the fur on the back of his head and neck rise and fall.

There was no point in trying to prolong things. We were both in this for the same thing, and the longer it took, the more our strained bodies were going to regret it. I didn't have energy or patience, moreover, I didn't want to give Kervin the chance to try to call it off again. Not that I thought he would; each of my short, punctuated thrusts seemed to bring him only pleasure, and despite the effort it must have taken him, he was doing his best to lift his rear up to meet my hips as I stuffed myself into him.

I nipped and tugged at the back of his neck a few times, but he didn't seem to like that, so I stopped. Licks and kisses to his ears got far better responses in the form of plaintive whimpers that were so quiet they barely rose above the sound of my hips smacking into his ass. I gripped his shoulders harder, I slammed my weight down faster, and I kept it up until all conscious control left me and I was stuck on autopilot.

It was mere seconds later that I was burying my face in between the cacomistle's shoulder blades, my whole body pinning him to scratchy bed of the car as I came inside him. I gasped and gasped, scrunching my eyes shut, my nose drinking in his scent until I was dizzy with the onrush of afterglow.

With my body's needs sated, the fog over my mind receded, and I felt an acidic churning in my gut. There was no way for me to undo this--that was my first clear, conscious thought. My heart was still fluttering as my body came down from its lingering orgasmic high, and I honestly had no idea what I was supposed to do after I got out of this car.

Pulling out from under Kervin's tail, I lifted myself up and gave him room to roll over onto his stomach. My paw found its way between his legs and wrapped itself around his hard and sticky cock, but since I'd already gotten off and was feeling so guilt-ridden and confused, my attentions were mechanical, unfeeling, rote. It didn't seem to matter, though; within a couple minutes, Kervin had gotten off, spurting all over his belly and chest, making a mess of the shirt we hadn't had time to pull off.

We lay there for a few minutes longer in total silence, left only with those fogged-up windows and the fetid stench of musk that refused to go away.

"I'm serious," Kervin murmured. "We can't do this again."

***

I took a long, hot shower as soon as I got home, making sure to shampoo myself twice.

There was no oral sex wakeup for me in the morning, but Justin at least had coffee ready for me again.

***

On Tuesday, Justin actually got off of work early. As my little surprise for him, I had dinner nearly finished when he came in the door.

"Well, doesn't this smell lovely?" he asked as he leaned in, kissed me, and then headed to the bedroom to get changed out of his work clothes.

He was pretty chatty while we ate. Mostly, I think he was just in a good mood because his bosses were finally giving him a break, but it was nice to see him perky and smiling for once. That, and he

even finished his whole plate, which he almost never did when I was the only one who cooked.

Once dinner was done and Justin was finished doing the dishes, I slipped up beside him and took one of his paws in my own. "Do you want to come lie down with me for a bit?" I asked.

He looked into my eyes and then turned his gaze over towards the living room. "I was kind of hoping to get caught up on some of my TV from last week," he said.

I made myself smile, and then nodded. "Okay." He squeezed my paw. "Are you mad?" "No," I said. "It's okay. I'll just finish cleaning up the kitchen."

He walked off, and I braced my paws on the edge of the sink. I waited until I heard the DVR come on, and then I sighed to myself. Maybe having someone to come home and eat dinner with you every day wasn't so bad, for what it was, if that's all you had.

I pulled out my phone and texted Kervin, asking if he was going to be free at all this week.

He was quick to respond: "Work is kind of crazy right now."

Twenty minutes later, I was on my laptop in the living room, mostly tuning out Justin's cop drama. My phone buzzed again, and I pulled it out to see another text from Kervin.

"Things won't be weird forever."

I looked over at Justin, his eyes blankly reflecting the flicker of the television, and I knew that Kervin didn't really believe that any more than I did.