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I jot my diary in a code that only I know - to try and keep a sense of self. I - who have worn so many faces, so many names and identities that I am hard pressed to even remember my own. But for what it is worth - these words Are Mine..

I was born in to a Lupion family. All tall strapping individuals who for over 5 generation have been in service of our King. The passing of Kings is not important as there is always a King - and we are there for them in body and soul.

My dam had a difficult pregnancy - she had been injured and caught a fever that bedded her for weeks - but through all this her belly grew and I was the result. I was born a runt, small weak - my pitiful cries should have been silenced soon after I breathed however my dam gave me the name of Lud - which in our tongue means 'Beloved' - and persuaded my sire to let me live.

I had an older sister and brother - both grew up to be tall mountains of muscle - reflecting the good genes my sire and dam gave them - but at 12 it was realized that I would grow no more.. and so my height was set as little more than a human.

My childhood was kind - it was a time of fortune and my kin loved me - as I loved them. I will not say I wanted for anything other that what nature did not give me. As I approached my coming of age I also found that my 'interests' were turning towards males, which again was problematic as our church had strong words about that.

As everyone in our family had in their coming of age - pledged service to our King - I did likewise. Standing as tall as I could.. Naked - my wiry frame for all to see - I gave the words "Honor, Allegiance, and My Life"

My Brother and Sister were both accepted in to the Guard and were now training. But - no one wanted me, so I gained service as a 'help' at the Warrior Academy.

Warriors train for one year and depending on their skills can be trained for another two after that. The single year warriors became the common foot soldier and will rise in rank as experience permits. The 3 year warriors were the elite - both with battle and strategic skills - and were selected as the Officer ranks.

In the wing that I worked was myself and two other helps. We ran a set of barrack quarters that housed 30 first year students, and a mixed ranking of 10 second and third year students. The current term for these were "Sub Warrior" as they would not get their full calling till after they graduated.

My Helps - 'Clumsy Paws' who was a simpleton. Large of frame but slow of mind. A reliable muscle however his simplicity was sometimes cause of teasing from the younger students. Often I sat and held him whilst he wept in frustration not knowing or understanding the why of the teasing.

The other was 'Leaden Foot'. This was a young male who had potential however an injury left him crippled with no feeling in one of his foot paws. Hence his name and way of walking. Reliable thought gruff - he bore his status in life well. I always made mention of his reliability to my superiors and in time he rose up in service.

Myself - I was called "Little Mouse" because of my slight frame. I did not feel insulted by this as it also enabled me to move quietly, and as my sight, hearing, and sense of smell seemed to be well above average - I could avoid trouble by hearing the students approaching, and hiding, or scenting who was in the vicinity and likewise making myself scarce. Understand this did not cause me to skimp on my duties - although of low standing I took my responsibilities proudly seeing that no bed was unmade, no student was left hungry, and that the facilities were spotless.

There were some individuals who seemed to go out of their way to make things more difficult for us Helps.. And one was a second year student called Rekan.

Rekan was tall - almost 13 foot and still growing, broad of shoulder, powerful, and had a bellowing shout. Any seeming slight by another lower than him was dealt with by a shove, a careless shoulder, or just plain inconsideration.

However Rekan had a secret. The Help's quarters lay below the second-year students quarters and I had become adept at knowing who was walking where on the floorboards. I also knew by this that Rekan was going to a fellow student in the same year - a male called Actrun - during the evenings. And that on the day after those visitations I could smell both their spilled seed on Actrun's bedding. This was a heretical crime and if discovered could mean expulsion for both of them..

I was not cruel - having the same urges myself - though with no way to relieve them - however his behaviour to others below him was becoming an issue. So I took action.

It was easy to set up. Myself - laden with clean linen walking down the corridor and Rekan coming the other way. A careless shove, a sneer, and clean linen now laying dirtied on the floor.

Steeling myself I stood and challenged "Sub Warrior Rekan. Attend Me!". He spun and snarled "What did you Say.. Little Mouse"

"I said Attend Me. This behaviour is unwarranted"

I quickly found myself pressed halfway up a wall and a snarling muzzle inches from mine

"Do.. DO You Know WHO I am.. You lowly help. You are NOTHING. You will address me only when spoken to, advert your eyes when I pass.. and Get Out of MY Goddamd way when I am in this corridor"

"I do know who you are Sub Warrior Rekan. I am the one who cleans yours and Actrun's seed from Actrun's sheets. And listens to your footstep as you run from your quarters to his. Remember that our quarters are directly beneath here. I know that you are thinking that you should snap my neck and make some justification however - I have in my quarters Actrun's bedding and a statement outlining my suspicions.. Maybe you can find them.. maybe not but I am sure your superiors WILL be interested in your.. digressions. "

I had the pleasure of seeing his eyes widen and his snarl turn to abject horror and fear "What Do You Want.. Money.. Gold - I can pay.. If not then just blame ME.. Not Actrun - let him stay out of this.."

At that I knew Rekan was salvageable, he did have some honour left.

"My.. requests are simple.. Firstly - remember that regardless of our position and rank - we all work and fight for our King. We do what we need to do - some not by choice but by circumstance - but we do it with Honour and you shall treat us in accordance with that."

He took and breath and nodded "And the second.."

I smiled slightly and gentled my voice to a whisper "I too have the same curiosity about males, I would very much like to experience one - if you were to be willing. This request is not binding to the first thou."

He released me and stood back, gulping "I.. I apologies for my actions Help. Here - let my assist you with these" and picked up the sheets for me. He straightened and then said "Please - I have need of some assistance in my quarters"

I gave him an honest and open smile "Thank you Sub Warrior Rekan - but I ask if I could be excused"

He looked puzzled and nodded, so I continued "I believe I have some paperwork that needs to be burned, and some sheets that desperately need washing. If you could excuse me. Please"

I don't think Rekan told Actrun the full extent of what conspired between us - but Rekan was a changed man from then on. Considerate of others. Respectful to people regardless of rank. Even stopping much of the teasing of Clumsy Paw by the other students. It was noted and both he and Actrun were offered a third year of training.

In return I helped Rekan where I could - both kneeling between his muscular thighs and taking his impressive maleness into my muzzle, but also as I could read and write better than he - I taught him those, plus numbers.

All students had access to the library and in my spare times - rather than heading to the bars and brothels for obvious reasons - I would sneak in and browse tome after tome. Biographies, strategies, histories - all I found fascinating, and it helped fill my casual waking hours. And so I passed on this information to Rekan and Actrun. A suggested tome on strategy gave his essay's distinction, a biography of a great warrior to aspire to be. I never wrote his words not did he ever ask - his triumphs were all his. And so it was at the end of his studies I stood proudly at the back of the auditorium and watching him gain his armour, and the officer rank - with many distinctions. As custom he could also ask for an assistant and it gave me joy to see him request that Actrun be his aide.

Many years later I was at a camp and I sensed the stealthy approach of a warrior - being as quiet as a warrior could. I caught his scent and before he could speak, I said "Sub Warrior Rekan - so you still think you can sneak up on Me"

A moments silence and a voice bellowed "You Will Address Me as GRAND MASTER REKAN... Little Mouse"

I turned lowering the hood of my robe to see a tall powerful Warrior - in full battle armour, and wearing his scars with honour. Behind him I could see Actrun - likewise risen in rank as his aide.

He knelt to one knee so putting us muzzle to muzzle as equals. "Do I still address you as 'Little Mouse'" he asked.

I smiled "In my line of work it is as good a name as any. You wear your Rank well.. Old Friend"

He grinned "No - it is you who I should be thanking. If you did not knock some sense into a young cub I would not be the man I am today. A respected leader - and one who's men love and adore - and will fight alongside him. "

I actually blushed at that - an emotion I rarely felt "I see that Actrun still keeps you in good company" Rekan nodded and Actrun smiled. No words needed to be said.

It was several months later I received a memo. Grand Master Rekan and Commander Actrun were gone. Bravely holding a pass against impossible odds - so that a nearby towns folk had a chance to flee to safety whilst being assisted by his men. His men were troubled in that he had told them to help the common folk - and not to give their lives at the pass. They felt that it had impinged on their honour - but I knew that Rekan would not have wanted to throw their lives away in vain.

I lit a candle in his honour - and wept at the loss of a friend - one less than I had before.