Leaving the pack
#1 of Journeys in Xel
A change of pace for a while. This one is about a wolf and his friend and is altogether less hectically yiffy for the moment than my pokemon oriented series.
I had finally made up my mind. I was going to leave.
I was alone and depressed in my pack. I had no talent as a crafter, a warrior, or a seer. I could hunt passably, but never came back with enough to gain honour. Gathering of berries and vegetables was shameful and boring to me, though nobody ever harrassed me about it. I did my part, but never excelled. Not excelling meant not mating. It was shameful to be without a mate at my age, just as it was shameful to gather berries. My friend Russ had tried to encourage me to join the ranks of warriors who protect our pack, but I was weak, I had no great endurance. I looked at my reflection in the water, dull grey fur that darkened around my ears into a pair of lines going down my back, unimpressive muscles, a less than impressive sheath. I wasn't out of shape, like all wolven I had worked hard since an early age: gathering food; trying my hand at the forging of weapons and tools; exploring the surrounding land; sparring with other wolven; but I just had an overall unimpressive body. The streaks of darkened fur along my back were my only real distinguishing feature. There had been hope that I might have talent as a Seer, or even a caller, the gift ran in my family; but I had never had visions, the rituals and casting I had attempted had failed, I couldn't scry or detect thoughts like my mother, or talk to the spirits like my father. Overall I was a disappointment
If I left the pack that would change one way or another. Either I would die out there as a lone wolf, or I would return with tales of adventure, with new skills, useful to the pack. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it and alert the other wolven, that would bring me dishonour. I knew I wasn't worth the time of the majority of the pack, but I decided I would say goodbye to Russ at least.
I found him in a field going over forms with his spear. I watched him a while. He was everything I was not, His fur was dark and thick, his muscles well defined and obvious even through that, he was a full 3" taller than me and his shoulders were square, rather than slumped like mine. I watched his tail as it moved in perfect co-ordination with the rest of his body, giving him flawless balance. Watching him practice gave me a strange admiring feeling; and another feeling less strange in the depths of my sheath. I smothered this feeling, I didn't want to think of my friend in that way. He was a strong warrior who likely had many females; Besides which I couldn't be attracted to males. I had heard of such attraction, but it seemed shameful from my perspective. I found myself looking at his sheath and balls; but forced myself to look up. I told myself that I was just jealous of his physique.
He saw me and smiled that enormous sincere smile of his. "catch" he said passing me a pole. I knew the drill he swung overhead at me with his spear, prompting me to block overhead and slide his attack to the side. I followed up by trying to stab at him but he easily side-stepped, bopping me on the head lightly. "I keep telling you Gill, only lunge after breaking my guard down with feints and strikes" he said shaking his head. "I keep telling you I'm a poor fighter" I responded, knowing the talk I was about to get. "Most fighters at the student level wouldn't be able to block strikes as fast as you, I'm serious when I say that you could make a good fighter if you stopped giving up on yourself and started letting me coach you." He sighed "but since you aren't trying any harder at sparring I suppose you are here for something else".
I looked up at him and decided not to hesitate at all "Good-bye Russ, I'm leaving the pack". "WHAT" he responded "quit joking around". "I have to leave in order to make anything of myself, I might come back someday; But in case I don't, I wanted to thank you for being a friend to me, and trying to encourage me even though I was so completely hopeless" I explained. "Whoa man you aren't hopeless, you can hunt, you know where all the good fruit is, you could make a decent fighter if you tried, and you have the blood of two powerful seers" he responded "you are far from hopeless; and you could easily gain honour here with some patience and work". I smiled, I knew he would say exactly this, he was very kind "Good-bye" I repeated. "Whoa man, you aren't bringing anything?" he asked. I pulled my knife from my makeshift belt, both were crafted by me, and of shoddy quality "this is all". He shook his head at me. I began to walk away. Tears ran unbidden down my face, I would miss him more than he could know. I had walked for a few minutes when something hit my in the back of the head.
"What're you crying about Gill" I looked around to see Russ loping after me "missing me already?" I looked down to see that he had hurled a waterskin at me. "We'll need these unless we want to dehydrate" he said. "WHAT" it was my turn to be surprised. "You know back when we were kids, I woulda been the one running off naked without any supplies and you would have come along with poltices and rations and waterskins" he said. "Thats because I'm weak and rely on tools like some nezumi rat." I replied "but anyway, what the hell do you mean 'we', you can't leave the pack, they need you, you are strong, and respected, and..." he interrupted "you talk as if I'm some alpha or something, or like we're leaving forever, which we aren't right? Pack needs you too, so the way I see it, if I come with you on your journey of self discovery, help you train a little, make sure you come back safe; I'm doing a service, a duty even to the pack; great honour to me and all that".
I sighed "you talk about honour so lightly because you have so much, but seriously the pack doesn't need to waste its warriors looking out for gatherers like me." The look in his eyes told me he wasn't going to back out of this "That is exactly what warriors are for, protecting gatherers, seers, and craftsmen, if it wasn't for people like you, there would be no reason for people like me". I sighed again "go back" I said again. "What and miss my best friends grand adventure, let you come back with tales of glory while I hit trees in the training yard?" he passed my a pack "I'm coming". He said, this time in a voice that brooked no argument.
I felt that strange sense of admiration for him again, and knew that it was more than admiration. He smiled his sincere smile at me again. That sincerity was to me the most amazing thing a person could have. He began to walk, and I fell in step behind him, "besides which I would have missed you, you wouldn't want to make me cry like you now would you?" I started to cry again. "Did I say something wrong?" he asked, sincere care in his voice again. I shook my head and continued to cry as we walked. He chuckled, my cry began to turn into a laugh, and soon we had to stop walking as we rolled on the ground laughing hysterically. "We're never going to get anywhere like this" he said, laughing again at the end. I let the laughter die down "would you really have cried when I left?" I asked. "Yes" he responded looking me in the eyes; "but why worry about that, I'll go with you anywhere, this is actually a good idea, I was getting pretty bored too" he shifted his body away from me "I'm really looking forward to travelling with you" He got up and began to walk. I walked after him. Coming up beside him I smelled a confused mixture of smells; I imagined I smelled as confused. I hope for him it meant what it did for me. For me it meant that I was in love.