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PTSD - Chapter 12

Eve swore the scream could've been heard for miles, but she might've held some bias. She rushed to her friend, grabbing onto Lumina's shoulders to shake her from her trance. "Lumina! It's okay! I'm right here!!" She pulled her friend in, cradling her against her fur. "I'm right here." It took a minute, but the scream faded into a soft whimper. Something so vulnerable that even enemies would hate to see.

"What happened?" Eve muttered, trying to make sense of what she was witnessing.

Lumina, in the softest voice possible and tears welling in her eyes, muttered, "Eve, please, don't ever die."

The two friends laid there for a long time, just holding onto one another until they both felt it was right to move on. They didn't care that the door was open, they didn't care that people could see, both of them just wanted the other to be okay.

Eventually, though, they pulled themselves together and managed to get off the floor and shut the door. Without speaking, they both stumbled over to the couch and slumped into it.

Eve was the first to break the silence, "Lumina...you really need to talk to me. Keeping it bottled up like you have, is clearing taking a toll on you."

It took some time, and a little bit of awkward staring, but Lumina did speak, "I don't want to make any of this ordeal about me, and I definitely don't want something weighing on your shoulders while you're still recovering." Her voice was hoarse, the effects of her scream lingering.

"I hate to break it to you, but whether you tell me exactly what it is or not, it'll be weighing on my shoulders. Sooo you might as well just tell me." The comment was lighthearted in nature, and managed to get a small chuckle out of Lumina, but that didn't make it any less serious or true.

Lumina took a deep breath, "If I'm being honest..." her gaze fell down, focusing on the floor instead of maintaining eye contact, "The whole thing really fucking scared me. I haven't been able to sleep... I keep thinking about you dying while I'm at work...I can't shake any of it and I wasn't even the one it happened to."

Eve's heart flipped around in her chest, almost aching from how much her bestie cared for her, "It's okay to not be okay from this Loomy. Even if you weren't the one who got stabbed, it's still something that happened to you." She reached out, grabbing Lumina's hand and giving it a slight squeeze. Ducking her head a little, she managed to make eye contact with her, watching as the tears welled up in her eyes.

"I just really can't lose you Eve, you're the only good thing I've got, and watching that scumbag do that to you...it just about broke me." She ran an arm across her face, wiping away the tears as best she could. Her fur, however, remained wet, and a loud sniffle escaped her.

"You don't think I know that?" Eve chuckled, wishing the awkwardness away as she opened up, "I didn't ask you if you killed him because I thought you were a murderer, Loomy, I asked you because he deserved it and with me on the floor, I thought... I don't know, I guess I thought maybe your emotions got the best of you. I didn't mean it to hurt you."

"I think I knew that on some level, but I... I think I just wanted someone to believe me, and even my best friend didn't, and in that moment, it was too much." Lumina finally found the strength to look her friend in the eye, some of her own fire returning.

"I'm sorry."

"I know."

There was silence as both girls processed through how cluttered their thoughts had been from this whole ordeal. It took a few minutes, but, simultaneously, something dawned on them.

"Have you checked in with Kris?"

--

Kris sat quietly on her bed, her keyboard carefully balanced on her lap as she practiced a piece she had been working on. Her dorm room was what most people would say cramped, but to Kris, it was cozy. She enjoyed having her own space that she could do with whatever she wanted. It was all hers, even if it was small.

A light "beep" came from across the room followed by a large waft of coffee as the machine finished it's cycle. Kris groaned at the prospect of having to get up. The kitchenette wasn't far away in terms of walking, but from where she was sitting it felt like miles.

Just as Kris was working up the energy to stand, her phone let out a buzz. She picked it up, being met with a group text:

From Loomy:

How are you holding up??

From Eve:

We haven't heard from you in sooo longgggg

Kris let out a small chuckle, the duo managing to maintain the same amount of energy as they do in person through text.

To Loomy and Eve

I'm doing okay. Trying to stay above water with this school work.

She knew that their questions weren't centered around the everyday work load and problems, but more centered around what they had all witnessed. They would probably pry further but she, at the very least, bought herself some time to think of how to respond.

This wasn't the first time that Kris had witnessed domestic violence, she'd be surprised if it was the last, but she didn't exactly know how to say that. "I know you're suffering from a trauma, but it's nothing I haven't seen before" didn't exactly sit well with her.

To Loomy and Eve:

How are you two?

Maybe the deflection would be enough to keep them at bay for now.

From Loomy:

That is not what we meant and you know it.

From Eve:

Stop avoiding the topic. We didn't text you to talk about us.

Or not.

To Loomy and Eve:

Honestly guys? I'm really fine. I know that you're going to think that I'm just saying that, or that I'm suppressing my feelings or something, but there's a reason I'm in therapy, and dealing with that was admittedly easier than some...other things.

Kris took a moment to read over the text a few times before deciding she wasn't satisfied with how it sounded. After deleting most of the text, she finally landed on what she wanted to say.

To Loomy and Eve:

I'm coping well. My therapist has been a big help. I really do want to know how you guys are doing though.

She nodded to herself as she watched it send, affirming that she said the right thing with herself as it drifted into cyberspace.

The bed squeaked loudly as the dingo finally mustered the energy to stand up. Pouring herself a cup of coffee, she heard her phone buzz once more.

From Loomy:

We're alright.

From Eve:

But we're not the ones alone in a dorm room on a campus filled with idiots.

Kris managed to hold her coffee in her mouth for all of two seconds before it was ejected from her body. Her giggle filled her small room, bouncing off of the walls around her.

To Loomy and Eve:

Eh, I'm a senior, I'm adjusted to this way of life.

Her eyes drifted from her phone, back to her bed where her keyboard laid across it. She'd been struggling to write a song as part of her senior project for some time now. A groan managed to escape her as she forced herself to march back over to it.

The melody was there, she could hear it playing in her head. She just didn't know how to get it out of her head and onto the keyboard. Another long sigh escaped her as she walked back towards her bed.

From Loomy:

Oh no, We've lost her Eve...she's one of THEM now.

From Eve:

Should we try to save her?

Kris' laughter filled the small room, helping loosen the nerves that had continuously built inside of her. This concert meant everything to her. It was the best opportunity for her to get her music out there. More than just teachers and instructors, or close friends and family, but a real forum to share who she was.

A wave of nausea washed over her. "Maybe I don't want to do an original piece." She thought.

To Loomy and Eve:

The only thing I need saving from is this project.

Kris took her place back on her bed, coffee in one of her hands. She stared angrily at the keyboard, as if to blame it for her struggles.

From Loomy:

Just follow your gut. Don't think too much.

"Easier said than done." She knew Loomy was right, as usual, but the problem was the "how."

"Maybe lyrics would help me piece it together." Kris' music usually opted out of lyrics but, from time to time, she found them useful to get her message across.

So let it out, don't hold back

It's held me down, it says I lack.

I lack the strength, to break free,

But one day, they will see me.

All is worth it in the end,

I can find it deep within,

I can fight to save myself,

If not me, then no one else.

I have a dream... someday I'll get there

I want to show how much I really care

Oh how I care, why can't you see

I care for you and, maybe, just maybe

I care for me.

The lyrics came out of her without much effort, but that didn't make them good. With a final sip of her coffee, Kris tossed the paper across the room, adding it to the pile of crumpled up works'.

To Loomy and Eve:

I think my gut is broken.

From Loomy:

I think you've been breathing in the same air for too long. Get outside.

Maybe she's right.

--

Someone else may have looked themselves over before wandering out into the public world, but, first, this was college, and second, Kris didn't care. She took her slightly disheveled hair, sweatpants, and mildly stinky self and marched around campus proudly. To her admittedly small surprise, she wasn't the only one either.

The union was filled with clamoring students from all walks of life. Freshman in sweats, visitors in sweats, even protestors in sweats.

"Ahhh, the wonders of college."

"Excuse me," A strong voice shook Kris from her thoughts.

"Hmm?" She said with a turn, to be met with a tall, thin woman with a stack of flyers in her arms.

"My name is Gwen and I'm arranging a protest here in the quad. It's mostly to raise awareness, but my ultimate goal is to stop the university from cutting its cultural integration and language classes that are essential in helping refugees build their new lives here. Can I count on you to be there and fight for the rights of those who are just trying to better themselves?"

Admittedly, Kris only heard a few key words that came from the painted dog's mouth. Protest....rights of those..raise awareness... Her exotic pattern seemed to move across her body, even as she stood completely still, and it held Kris' attention.

Despite her trance, Kris still managed a response. With a soft nod, she grabbed a flyer that Gwen had extended and spoke, "You can count on me."

The girl flashed a bright smile, "Great! I can't wait to see you there."

The girl turned, seeking out her next target, and Kris remained stunned. A small buzz from her phone managed to grab her attention and sent her back in motion.

From Eve:

You just need to find some inspiration.

A small snort-like sound came from Kris, laughing at the irony of the comment.

To Loomy and Eve:

I think I just did.

Kris felt like she floated back to her dorm, and it was as if her creative block had never existed. Lyrics (that she actually liked) and an accompanying melody poured out from Kris like they never had before.