FSE

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formerly SoFurry search engine

Author's Note: So yeah, I posted a new journal. And I get on this posting craze. So it's time for chapter four. Plus, I'm bored and tired of listening to these bitches screaming at each other. RAWWWWWWR! Hahahahaha. This one is really short!

I'm in the U.K., but just for one day, who's to say I won't come back again? Materialistic, I'm narcissistic, my shoe game is mean it's so sadistic, I took the leer jet to cop some lipstick, Yep, I'm a risk it, I'm optimistic!

"Seth?" I greeted the blue husky standing in my doorway.

"Hey, um, can we talk?" he sounded nervous and a little upset. I figured it was something to do with Kaiden since he was sporting a busted and blood muzzle.

"Sure. Come on." I closed the door behind Seth. He noticed Austin sitting on the couch and glanced at me.

"This is kind of private..."

"Ok, just um, go sit in the guest room and I'll be there in a sec."

"Which one?"

"Um, you know... the where we um..."

"Yeah, I know." Seth glanced back at Austin before heading to the guestroom.

"Hey, can you take care of yourself for a little while?"

"No, I'm fourteen. I'm completely helpless."

"Thanks... asshole." Austin grinned at me as I strode toward the guest bedroom. I felt a flutter of excitement as the thought of talking with Seth really set in. There was a lot that needed to be said between us. I closed the door and joined Seth on the bed. He was wearing a white shirt and a pair of jeans. He was definitely the sexiest husky with blue fur. He wasn't muscular, but he was toned and very well filled out. By that, I mean he had a sexy bubble butt complimenting his fluffy tail.

"Hey, I'm sorry to come here, but I don't know where else to go. I told Kaiden I was going to my mom's and she thinks I've moved in with you."

"Why?"

"I thought Kaiden was... different."

"Yeah, he sort of has a way with words. Did he do this?" I gingerly traced the wound on his thin dark lips. Seth's winced in pain before adjusting.

"He told me he wasn't mad that I kissed you and I accused him of not caring about me. Then he jumped on top of me. He yelled at me about how insignificant I was and that the only thing that mattered was you." Seth's eyes were full of tears and it was getting harder for him to speak clearly. "Then he raped me and hit me. Then he told me it was because he cared about me and I made him do it. So, it's my fault."

"No, it's not! That's something he says, but it doesn't mean anything. He's taking advantage of your personality. He knows you'll believe him." As I said this, my paws found their way to Seth's shoulder and thigh. I hadn't even realized I'd done it.

"Nick, I can't do it anymore. I'm scared and I'm alone!" Seth buried his muzzle against my chest and sobbed. I didn't know what else to do, but hold him. I wrapped my arms around his back and let him cry against me.

"You don't have to go back! You can just stay here."

"No, he'll come for me. He said he would. I think he knows where I am."

"It doesn't matter. I'll protect you."

"No, I won't let you do that." My shirt was soaked in the husky's tears. I pulled Seth's head down into my lap and he stretch out comfortably on the bed. I ran my paw through the light blue fur between his ears.

"I'll get you out, I promise. You just rest," I lied. Well it wasn't really a lie, but I didn't really have a plan either. Seth was not very good at hurting people. He couldn't do the things I did to get away from Kaiden. Seth would crack under the pressure.

"Are you happy, Nick?" He was whispering.

Alright, yep it's that time again. Stop. Well, there are a few questions that when people ask you, you simply can't answer them. For example, are you happy? If you say no, then they want to know why you aren't happy and why you haven't done anything to change it. If you say yes, it's almost like they try to convince you that you aren't. They want to know what makes you so happy or why you wouldn't be "happier" in another situation. Trap questions, don't you love em? Play.

"Yeah, I think so." An even worse answer.

"So, you don't ever think about... me and you?" I felt a little nervous. Truthfully, I thought about Seth all the time, but it wouldn't be right to say that. I loved Seth, but I loved RJ, too. I felt the same torn feeling that I did when I first made my decision.

"I think about it, but it wouldn't be fair to RJ."

"I get that, but... what does he have that I don't? I mean, besides the good looks. I have money and I don't think I'm ugly and I think about you every second. I can't even focus on school."

"I- he- this isn't- it's not about that. I love you and yeah you have money and yeah you're very attractive, but there are so many risks."

"No, there wouldn't be any. We could forget about Kaiden and RJ and just be kids again. Be us."

"I didn't mean that, I meant... what if it didn't work? What if we couldn't stay together? It might make things... different. Awkward."

"I don't think so."

"I mean, what if you fell really hard and then I didn't feel it anymore and we had to end it. It would hurt you and then the friendship might suffer."

"If..." I could tell Seth was thinking about everything I'd said. He knew there was some truth to it. I have a habit of falling out of love and breaking boys hearts. He knew that too. "If it was you... I'd do it. I wouldn't care. I'd let you rip my heart out a thousand times and keep coming back whenever you wanted me." I thought about this for a minute. It was definitely the most committed thing anyone had ever said to me, but if there was one person I could never hurt it was Seth. We'd had our arguments and a little heartbreak, but each one felt like a knife in my chest. How much was my best friend worth? There is no answer for me. No amount of money, no sex, no car, nothing was worth what he was worth. Sadly, not even RJ.

"I... I wanna think about this more. I love you so much. I can't risk losing you." Seth's paw gently clenched my own paw.

"I understand. Do you have anything for pain?"

"What hurts?"

"Um, my butt, my arms, and my lips." I glanced down at the injured husky. He looked so fragile, right now.

"I can fix one of those." I closed the distance between our muzzles. Our breath mingled and Seth's eyes widened. I gently ran my tongue over the wounds on his muzzle. I could taste every drop of the red iron-filled liquid. The husky whimpered underneath me. It was a very Spiderman moment. You know, with the upside-down kiss and everything. Except he's in my lap not hanging from a building.

Slowly, Seth opened his maw and my tongue crept inside. I licked his moist tongue and gently ran my lips over the wounds I'd just cleaned. My tongue explored the roof and fangs of his jaws. A small moan escaped Seth's lips. With my free paw, I massaged his chest and shoulders. Seth's free paw found it's way to the back of my head.

"Nick!" I ripped away from the kiss and saw RJ standing in the doorway. I saw the pain in his eyes and immediately looked away. I couldn't explain this one. Seth slowly moved away from me. "Seriously, we're doing this again?"

"RJ, please don't get mad. You don't even know what's going on."

"It looked pretty obvious to me. Am I missing something? Is there an invisible force that keeps forcing you to kiss him?" RJ sounded more hurt than mad.

"That was my fault, RJ," Seth whispered embarrassedly.

"Well, I was wondering why it was always with you- No, actually, it doesn't matter to me. Nick should care about me enough not to do it." RJ slammed the door behind him and left me with Seth.

"I'm really sorry, Nick!"

"No, it was my fault. I'll talk to him. Just lay down and try to get some rest, ok?"

"Are you sure RJ will be ok with that?"

"He's not mad at you. He's just upset and he should be. I still have a lot to figure out."

"Ok. Wake me up before night time."

"I'll think about it."

"No, Kaiden will hurt me if I'm late."

"RJ will fix it with Kaiden. You just sleep." I helped Seth under the fluffy blanket and tucked him in before walking out of the room. RJ was sitting on the couch pouring himself a tall glass of straight vodka. Wow, I really fucked him up this time. "Can we talk?"

"Why not?" RJ downed the entire glass in one gulp. I was secretly impressed.

"You know I care about you."

"Yeah, well, it's getting hard to see."

"Where's Austin?"

"I sent him to the den."

"Oh. RJ, I'm confused."

"Not nearly as confused as me."

"STOP! Just stop being a fucking dick for three minutes! Seth was hurt..."

"Oh, so making out with him just fixed it, I guess, right?"

\ "No, but you did it when I was with Kaiden."

"That was different."

"Only because you want it to be."

"No, because I wasn't with someone else when I did it. So why don't you just be honest with me? You care for Seth more than me."

"No!" I lied.

"Nick, I'm not stupid. You care for him more than you could ever care for me."

"Ok, but I do love you. I love you a lot. And I don't know what to do anymore. I love you, but I love Seth. RJ, he's my best friend. I don't know how to just cut him out of my heart. If I could then I would."

"I see. So, this is it for you and me, huh?" I hesitated. There was a long awkward silence. I wasn't ready to end things with RJ and I wasn't sure I wanted to be with Seth.

"Do you want it to be?"

"It's not about what I want, Nick. It's always been about you. What do you want?"

"Everything's not an option?"

"It never is." My heart was pounding in my chest and tears were forming in my eyes. I'd never felt anything like this. It was like my heart was being ripped in half. It was, metaphorically. It wasn't a decision I could make again.

"I don't want this! I don't want to choose!"

"What do you want then? Do you want me to just tell you it's over so you can feel like it's not your fault?! I'm not going to do it! I love you too much to end it myself!"

"Please, do something," I cried. I fell to my knees to beg him, but he was crying just as hard. I'd never seen RJ cry. The sight ripped at my heart.

"I can't..." he whispered.

"PLEASE! RJ! I can't do this again!"

"I never could..." I let my muzzle fall in his lap and he ran his paws through my fur. This was the most bittersweet experience of my entire life. "Please, just say it..."

"NO! I'm sorry. Please, RJ." He pressed his forehead against mine and our tears fell on each other's muzzle. My paws locked around his head as if I could force him to say the words I needed him to say.

"You can do this for me, Nick. It's just two words. We can still be friends, but I can't end it. You have to." My lungs were burning and my heart was twisted. It felt like hours had passed.

"RJ..."

"Say it."

"It's over..." I shuddered as the words left my lips. It didn't feel real, but it was. RJ and Nicki didn't exist anymore.