FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

The problem with dreams that are memories, is that they can never turn out differently. They're always going to end the same way...and in this case, that meant badly.

I was sitting in a Starbucks, which should have been the first sign that things were not going to go well. I hate coffee, and I have a distinct aversion to the prissy attitude that somehow manages to surround Starbucks staff. But, I was there for her...she'd wanted to come here. She was just sitting there, sipping her coffee, not looking at me at all, the sunlight revealing the metallic sheen of her light blue scales...the scales I'd thought I wanted. She looked up at me, then back down at the table...she'd wanted to say something, but the words hadn't come. I'd ordered a hot chocolate, just to order something, since I was paying anyway, but I hadn't touched it. I guess part of me knew what was coming.

"Jay," she'd finally said with a sigh. "This is it, we're done."

I hadn't anything to say to that, I couldn't have said anything to that, and that seemed to infuriate her even more.

"I'm seeing someone else, Jay. Another dragon...someone who can give me what I want, what I need. You can't, you just can't. It's too much work Jay. I'm just not your type."

For some reason, the last bit had hit me first. How could she not be my type? She was a beautiful blue dragoness, and I loved her. I'd started to protest, but then she stood up.

"No, I'm not your type...I don't have a penis Jay, or fur. You think I don't see the way you look at the male canines who wear tight clothes? Or are you just going to deny it even to yourself? Face it...you're a fag dragon and you will never be happy with me."

She'd taken her coffee and walked out, not saying another word. Through the window, I saw her fall into the arms of another dragon...a black male in a tight shirt. I watched them kiss and then walk off in each other's arms. And yet, and yet I didn't feel a thing. I was completely numb. I'd just sat there, looking at my chocolate, not thinking about anything. The place was empty except for me and the cat behind the register. He didn't say a thing, but I noticed that he was a little bit older than the usual people who worked at Starbucks. Our eyes met briefly, he shook his head in sympathy, and then turned away before I could feel embarrassed.

I'd sat there until I heard the bell ring, the tell-tale sign that someone else was coming in. I could hear them laughing, and I couldn't stand being there anymore. I have no idea where my chocolate went...the next thing I remembered was walking down the street, my hands in my jacket pockets, the wind rustling my crest. I'd no idea where I was going...I was just going. Finally, I'd found myself in a park and sat down under an isolated tree. I'd put my head in my claws, folded my wings around myself, and for the first time since elementary school, I'd cried.

That's my dream, and it's always the same...

Several months later...

That damn cursor was blinking at me again, the only black in a sea of white. I'd found myself wishing Word still had that stupid paper clip, so I would have at least something to look at...Nothing. Finally, I admited defeat and leaned back in my chair, even more depressed than usual. I was a writer with nothing to write...which wouldn't have been so bad if I'd been on my own time. But the blank screen in front of me was supposed to be a five hundred word essay for my Lit. Analysis class by Monday, and it was Saturday. I had long been an idea dragon who'd had trouble putting his thoughts on paper, but for the past year it had been far easier for me to physically write... until...

I didn't want to think about it. She (I still won't to this day say her name) was wrong about me, she had to have been. There was no way that I was gay...and certainly not for canines. Well, it was her loss then...I was going to enjoy being a single college dragon again. My school was paid for by my efforts in high school, so the money I earned from my job was mine to do with as I pleased...plus the small amount a moderately successful aspiring writer can pick up on the internet...Yeah, I was well off compared to so many others. So why was I so miserable?

After that first week, I just hadn't hurt any more. In fact I had felt pretty good, really good. School was easy, job was easy, writing was easy, and hell, even video games were easy. But now, all of a sudden, I was crashing. Everything was hard again. I couldn't focus, and I had no interest in anything. I couldn't even get myself in the mood for a decent pawing session...the thoughts just wouldn't come. I had gone to bed one night fine, and woke up the next morning with every symptom of depression. Now, I had been sure I'd had depression before, but between working out and...and her. I thought I'd beaten it.

Now it was back, and worse than ever...life didn't seem worth living, and I was beating myself up over dumb things- like messing up a recipe that I'd never made before, or the fact that I wasn't doing well in video games. That wasn't right, and I guess to my credit, I'd realized it wasn't right. I hadn't had a physical in years anyway, so found a good doctor and made an appointment. Two weeks was the earliest he could see me, which got me down even more, but, that was all I could get, so I took it.

I hate going to the doctor, but I hated they way I felt even more. I emailed my Dad for advice, and he replied that the doctor would probably put me on anti-depressants, but would also likely recommend that I start seeing a therapist. He told me to keep track of my symptoms, so that I could explain what I meant to the doctor. This made me even worse, as analyzing my symptoms showed that I was up and down with little explanation. I could work myself up happily, but I inevitably came back down again.

Sure enough, when the day finally came, it turned out exactly like Dad had predicted. I walked out of the doctor's office with a new prescription and a referral to a therapist. Great. Nothing like being forced to go see another doctor to improve your mood...

***

I suppose a reader might be a little bit bored with the 'woe is me' tone that this story has taken so far, and wondering if there is any point to this. Well, I suppose now would be a good time to introduce the plot twist...

It was my fourth or fifth visit to the therapist, and I was feeling reasonably well. She was glad that I was being good about taking my meds, and that I was continuing to exercise regularly. They helped, as did talking about my problems with her, but I still had that edge of not feeling good. She was concerned that I was not enjoying my full dragon form as much as I should...I'm sorry, but the world is just not set up to cater to twenty-five foot quadrupeds. But the thing that seemed to worry her most was that whilst I had made plenty of online friends, I still hadn't made a friend close to home. This was what she commented on when this particular session ended.

"Do you have to be anywhere right away Jay Dee?" She asked as I was collecting my stuff to leave.

"Um, not today," I'd told her. "I took this day because it's the day a week I don't have work, and just one class in the morning."

She bobbed her head in that strange nod that some birds have. "Good. If you don't mind hanging around for a little while, there's someone I'd like you to meet. He's my next appointment."

I almost regretted telling her that I didn't have anywhere to be. The last thing I wanted to do was hang around a doctor's office waiting to meet a perfect stranger. But I'd put my foot in it, so I had no choice but to say yes. I had my phone, so I could get some reading done while I waited. I was working through the new Drizzt book by R. A. Salvatore, and perhaps a good quiet sit would allow me to make some progress on it. I have to admit that I was pulling my phone out and not really paying any attention as I walked out into the empty waiting room. I'd only looked up when the door opened as a somewhat haggard looking dog of about my age entered the office. I only took further notice of him because I felt the doctor touch my elbow.

He was, like me, wearing a tee shirt and jeans with a light jacket. He had a white face with gray mask that ran over his ears. His bush tail was also grey with a white tip, and the pointed nose and ears of dog breeds that were closer to wolves but I didn't recognize what breed. The stranger had deep blue eyes that were still slightly hazy with sleep, and he was holding a half empty Mountain Dew bottle. It was his shirt that caught my attention most, a medium blue shirt with a simple message across the chest: 'I can kick your ass at Halo 2'. I had the same shirt in one of my drawers.

"Sorry I'm late," he'd said to the doctor. "Work was rough last night, and I slept through my alarm."

"You're not late," she'd assured him. "We were just finishing up. Jay Dee, this is Cerberus. The person I wanted you to meet. If you'd like, Cerberus, Jay Dee has agreed to wait for you. I think you two would get along quite well."

Looking back at it now, there will always be a touch of irony in that statement- but for now, we just gave each other those sympathetic 'you too?' smiles. Cerberus had shaken his head.

"I don't want to impose. Besides, I don't want you to miss your bus or anything..."

"I really don't have anything to do today." I'd reassured him, though I'm not exactly sure why. I guess I'd just decided that maybe I should try this friend thing after all. "And I have a car...I can take you anywhere you need to go."

His eyes lit up at that, and he flashed me a real smile for the first time. But before anything else could be said, the doctor motioned for Cerberus to come into the back room. As he went in, he'd thanked me. Well, I couldn't back out now, so I took a seat in the waiting room and started reading. Cerberus' session lasted about as long as mine did, and before too long, he'd re-emerged from the back room. I'd looked up at the doctor when she'd come out behind him. Cerberus walked out and stood in the center of the waiting with an awkward smile. The doctor dropped off a file with the receptionist, and then turned to face the two of us.

"Now, you boys go have fun. I want to see you both in about a week, alright?"

We both nodded, and then awkwardly smiled at each other. He began studying his shoes, and I nervously ran my tongue over my teeth.

"So, umm. It's almost lunch time." I'd finally managed to say. "Where would you like to go?"

"Somewhere cheap." Cerberus said. "Money is a little tight right now, what with paying for school and all." As he'd finished speaking, his stomach growled, a sound that I couldn't help but laugh at.

"I don't mind buying," I'd told him. "I was a good little dragon in high school, so my school is paid for. It's been a while since I've had anything to splurge on."

"Wow," Cerberus said. "I wish I'd done better in high school...I wouldn't have to work as hard now to pay for school."

I'd finally stood up and started to move towards the door. "Well, I've paid for it in other ways. But why don't we get going?"

"Sure," Cerberus had said, as he'd fallen in behind me. "It's been too long since I had someone I could talk to."

And talk we did, for the better part of two hours. Cerberus went to the same college I did, and was a graphic design student. Unfortunately, he was going through the 'starving artist' phase of his career, and had, had to give up his car to pay for school whilst working nights. He was a video gamer, but life had intervened lately so while he was current on the gaming landscape, all his knowledge was from reading on the internet. He'd seemed to also share my love of science fiction, fantasy, and general disgust with the ignorant fanboys that gravitated towards the things we loved. He liked to read, and sometimes would sketch out the scenes he was reading and every now and again he would be inspired to write what he called 'trashy poetry'. I'd never gotten poetry, and preferred to stick with prose, but I wasn't one to criticize anyone's talents. In terms of school, he was struggling in his English and his History classes, which happened to be this dragon's strong subjects.

We'd traded emails and cell phone numbers. The one thing we didn't talk about, was what had landed us in therapy. I think we just weren't ready for it at that point. I'd dropped him off at the dorm later that afternoon and went home, secure in the knowledge that I'd made a friend. He emailed me that night with a question for his history class, a question I'd been happy to help him with. I'd gone to bed thinking that maybe this 'friends' thing wasn't so hard after all.

That was how things went for the better part of three months. Cerberus and I became best friends. Life got easier for him: with my help, he was no longer struggling with his classes, and he got a contract job that allowed him to quit his night job, while still making more money than he had when I'd first met him. I was doing better as well, as Cerberus proved to be quite the idea husky (yes, I'd learned what breed he was), and provided some great sparks for my own writing, which had improved my own financial state as well. We'd even found time to start playing video games again, and it turned out that we had very similar tastes when it came to games, although Cerberus' tastes were a little more eclectic than my own. We'd liked enough different things that we had some interesting debates, but they were always respectful and based on reason. Most often, we'd just simply agreed to disagree and went on to talking about other things. But the one thing we'd seemed to never talk about was girls. I still hadn't forgiven her, and Cerberus never said anything about his own love life.

Then Cerberus started having trouble with his roommate. From what I gathered, it was a girl that was causing the problems....and his roommate was trying to get rid of him so that she could stay over. This went on for the better part of a week, until I'd met Cerberus at his dorm for breakfast one morning and found him sleeping in the hallway. I couldn't let that happen anymore, so I'd pulled the husky to his feet, and we went into his room and collected his things. If his roommate was going to make his life a living hell over a female, I wasn't going to let him down. After all, I'd an entire house to myself... I had plenty of room.

Things got quiet again after that, and we settled down into being housemates. It turned out that we both liked to cook, and we both tended to get lonely in the kitchen. But with someone to talk to (and to cook for), cooking seemed less onerous for both of us. We saw each other every day now, and it didn't have any real effect on our relationship...we didn't have any over exposure to each other, and to be perfectly honest we were both glad to have a friend so close. The only thing I noticed was that Cerberus never asked if he could bring anyone over...ever. I guess he wondered the same thing about me, but I wasn't in the mood to try dating again. Or, so I'd thought.

I think my change in attitude came one Saturday when I'd accidentally caught Cerberus heading back to his room after a shower. His towel had slipped under his bushy tail, leaving his butt exposed. I don't know if he saw me, he'd never said anything about it, but my reaction was instantaneous and very odd. I got aroused.

For a long time, I'd just stood there in the hall trying to understand what was happening to me. Then, I'd remembered what she said about me, and suddenly I was ashamed. I looked up to see Cerberus coming back out of his room fully dressed, smiling at me, and I'd turned around and gone into my room and locked the door. I'd sat on the floor with by back to the door and my head in my claws, hearing Cerberus put a paw on the door. He hadn't said anything, and after a moment, he'd left me alone. I almost didn't go to supper that night and I avoided Cerberus for all of the next day. He never said anything to me about any of it.

It wasn't until breakfast the next morning that I saw Cerberus again. It was his turn to make it, and I showed up late. He looked extremely serious.

"Jay Dee," he'd said quietly. "Are you on anti-depressants?"

I'd nodded slowly, wondering where this was going.

"And have you been taking them regularly? Like this weekend?"

"Well, I forget sometimes," I'd told him. It was actually the truth...I'd forgotten to take my meds because I had felt pretty good.

"That's not good Jay," he'd said somberly. "You need to take them regularly until they take you off them. It's the same as an antibiotic...you need to keep it in your system."

"Why does this matter to you? It's my problem...not yours."

"It's my problem if you're going to lock yourself in your room and leave me with no one to talk to every time you forget to take them," he'd said, his tone still reasonable. "It makes me depressed, Jay. I thought I'd done something to upset you."

Well, that made me feel like a complete idiot. I'd put my head in my claws and muttered something about how sorry I was, wrapping my wings around myself, a habit I'd had since childhood when I was ashamed of myself.

"Jay, I'm your friend," he'd continued, his tone brightening. "After everything you've done for me...getting me out of a bad situation, letting me live here, letting me borrow your car, I owe you something. The least I can do is help you remember to take your meds."

"You're right," I'd said as he taken a seat across the table from me. "I guess I just got so used to not having someone around, to relying on myself, that I sometimes forget how to ask for help. I'm sorry for how I acted, and thank you for helping me."

"Thank you for letting me help you, and since you're going to trust me with such responsibility, I think I'll share that trust and tell you something about me."

He'd looked me dead in the eyes, and did not speak until he was sure he had my full attention.

"You remember when you rescued me from my roommate making me sleep in the hall?"

"Hard to forget," I'd said. "That fox in his bed wasn't too pleased with having to lie there with him for that long."

In truth, finding my best friend reduced to sleeping the hall had pissed me off beyond words. But that asshole had offered me vengeance right away by having his girl still there. I'd gone in and started taking Cerberus' things down to the car, leaving the door wide open while Cerberus and I made the four trips required to remove all his stuff. It was a stroke of evil genius that I was still proud of.

"Jay Dee, you saved me that day, you really did. From more than you know. See, he wasn't just my roommate...he was my boyfriend.

"I'm gay."

"I see," I'd said, mainly because he was looking right at me and I had to say something. I'd had no reaction at all to this revelation. What did I care if my best friend was gay? It didn't affect me in the least.

"Is that how you ended up in therapy?" I'd asked. "You thought you'd screwed up so bad, you'd scared your boyfriend straight?"

"Yeah," he'd said, a little ashamed. "Stupid thought, right?"

"Not at all. I broke up with my girlfriend six months ago, so I guess I understand the things that go through your mind at a time like that."

"Did she become a lesbian?"

"I don't think so. I never bothered to look her up. When we broke up, she said things; things that she knew would hurt me. It felt great to be away from her, but a couple months later I just crashed. It was so sudden, I went to bed great one night and woke up depressed, seriously depressed the next morning with no real reason. I guess that's why I ended up on meds."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Have you thought about looking for someone else?"

"No," I'd told him honestly. "I just...I just can't bring myself to do it. Maybe, maybe I'm just not ready to try again."

"Or maybe you're just waiting for that special someone," Cerberus had said with a smile. "That's what I've decided to do. I want a best friend with benefits...my soul mate I guess is the poetic term."

"Yeah, I guess," I'd replied. "Well, if you find him and bring him over, just text me if you're going to shower together so I can use the other bathroom..."

He thought that was hysterical. After Cerberus had told me that he was gay, life was once again normal for me. And Cerberus seemed to open up even more after he realized that I didn't care. Life was good, but, even with my meds, I was still having days where they just didn't help. I was still going to the therapist, while Cerberus was going less and less often...at least for himself. He would come with me, and we always went to lunch afterwards. With hindsight, telling him about breaking up with my girlfriend (even though I didn't share her accusations against me) set the wheels in motion in his mind. I think, for him, it was only a matter of time. I think he mentioned something to the therapist too, because she started asking questions about my relationship with Cerberus and my sexual health. I realize now how dense I was not to notice.

It was a spilled beer that forced me out of the closet. I'd spilled it on Cerberus while we were playing through Fable 2 one afternoon. We didn't have any paper towels in the living room, so both of us started freaking out a little. But, Cerberus had a simple solution...he just took his clothes off.

"Wait, I can get you a towel!" I'd yelled at him.

"No, I'm fine. It's plenty warm enough...Oh wait. Oh shit! I'm sorry Jay, I forgot that you're not... not..."

He was standing in front of the couch, facing me as I sat in the recliner, completely nude. His entire front was white, and the grey from his back crept around in the area of his perfect abs. I have to admit that I was the reason that he'd had stopped speaking: I was staring at his crotch. I'd never seen a canine crotch before....we dragons (in our Anthro forms) pretty much have our business out in the open, but Cerberus had a sheath. I could see his balls, but not his shaft. I was just staring, slack jawed at him. I'd heard her voice again, from that awful day-telling me that I was a fag, telling me that I was into dogs. But all of a sudden, it seemed so right.

"You like what you see?" Cerberus had asked playfully, his fluffy tail wagging excitedly.

I'd looked into my lap, embarrassed and keenly aware of my own aroused state. "I'm sorry... I don't know..."

"It's alright," Cerberus chuckled. "It's been a long time since any guy looked at me that way. I don't mind."

I couldn't help but look up and continue to stare at him. He'd spun in a slow circle before placing his paws on his hips and standing there with his feet apart. He was smiling broadly, and I kept working my jaw. I'd started moaning to myself and my tail started thrashing against the chair. What was I supposed to do? Did I really find him sexually attractive? Even if I did...this was my best friend. Could we really keep our friendship the way it was if we crossed that line?

"Jay Dee, how long have we known each other?" he'd asked in a knowing tone. "You want to say something...out with it."

"What am I supposed to do?" I'd queried, as I looked into his suddenly gorgeous blue eyes. I was almost literally in pain, and was clenching my legs together against my arousal and the other urge that was rising in me.

"What was that quote on the doctor's wall?" he'd asked in a sympathetic tone. "The one about say what you want 'because the people who mind don't matter, and the people who matter don't mind.' I'd like very much to think that I matter...at least to you, Jay Dee."

My tail continued to thrash and, for a moment, no words came as my knees started bouncing nervously. "I wanna suck your cock."

It was hard to tell who exactly was more surprised by that declaration...him or me. I really couldn't believe that I'd had said it, and looked down at my snout as if it was suddenly completely alien to me. Had I really just said that? Did I really mean to do it? I must have presented a comical figure in that state, because he started laughing.

"I'm sorry," he'd said, wiping tears from his eyes. "But to go from thinking you're not gay to wanting to suck me off in two seconds struck me as funny. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I know it's not funny right now, but trust me...you'll look back on this and laugh someday."

Then he turned serious. "Have you ever done this before?"

I'd sadly shaken my head. Of course I hadn't, why would I have ever considered it before this second? And truth be told, I had only had it done to me once before. I collapsed a little inside...he wasn't going to let me. Not that I could blame him...I wasn't sure I'd want a complete novice with my dick in his mouth either. What if this was just a passing thing, brought on by some mild intoxication and I'd come to my senses while performing for him? Was I really gay? Oh, God! I just wanted him in my mouth so bad! I'd never had an urge like that before... Then he'd smiled.

"Take your shirt off," he'd ordered as he took a seat on the couch, leaning back. I did as I was told and knelt on the floor in between his legs. He stroked my crest. "If I feel teeth, you are going to get whapped."

To this day, I don't know if he was making one last attempt to make sure I was really doing what I wanted to do, or if he really meant to do it. But I'd taken it to heart, and was very gentle. Probably a little too gentle, as I began to go to work he didn't really get that aroused. But I'd gone too far to turn back now, and I just kept going. Then I felt him gently put a paw on the back of my head and just as gently, he started pushing my head down into his crotch, then letting it come back up, and then pushing it down again. I got the message, and after the first couple times, I was doing it on my own. Every time I got close to him, his scent filled my nostrils...and was even more intoxicating then the scent of beer clinging to his fur.

As I'd continued, I heard a voice in my head reminding me that I thought that oral sex was demeaning...that it only served one partner, that it was selfish. But the logic had melted away in the face of my new reality. Cerberus was clearly enjoying himself and was now moaning softly, and I... and I had never felt this good before. Never, not even with... with her. I was getting so aroused that I'd thought I was going to go off on my own...without any touching at all... and how could that be wrong?

I'd lost track of time just enjoying the feel of him, enjoying the little sounds he'd made when I'd done something with my tongue, enjoying the warm and musky smell of his fur. And then, suddenly, there was his knot. It was something that I'd known about logically, but had never experienced before. At the time, it had seemed huge and exotic to me, and the first thing that crossed my mind was 'How the hell am I supposed to get that in my mouth?' After a moment's consideration, I'd come up with a novel idea. I ran my tongue down his shaft and let it wrap around his knot. My reward for this was a gasp from Cerberus, which made me giggle as I wriggled the tip of my tongue under his knot. Then he gasped again, grabbed me behind the ears, and yanked me off of him...I barely managed to unwrap my tongue from him before we parted. My first thought was that I had done something wrong, but I'd looked up to see the pure ecstasy on his face and a moment later, he'd cum...shooting a load all the way up to his chest. He fell back into the couch, panting and giggling to himself.

"I did it?" I'd asked, sounding confused even to me.

"You most certainly did, my dragon," he'd said, as he continued panting.

'My dragon.' All of a sudden, I'd liked the sound of that.

"I'm sorry if I startled you...but cum is an acquired taste, and I didn't want you to get a mouthful before you knew if you liked it or not."

I'd melted at that. And I think that was the moment where I knew that I loved him...even in a moment of pure ecstasy, he was considerate of me. How could I not love that?

"So, uh, now what?" I'd asked. Now that the moment had passed, I was a little unsure of myself. I was sure I had enjoyed myself, but what happened now?

"Now?" Cerberus had asked with a laugh. "Now, I think it's my turn. But first, I think I get to see just what my dragon has to offer."

Dragons can't purr in the way cats define it, but we can growl in a way that is very similar...I found myself doing that every time he called me 'my dragon.' I'd hesitated for a moment, and Cerberus just watched me with expectation and understanding. But I was feeling too frisky to turn back now. I'd stood up and folded my wings around myself, shielding my body from my head to my shins, and dropped my pants. That done, I'd slowly spread my wings to give him a show, reveling myself to him. When I saw the look on his face, any embarrassment I'd felt was gone and I was just eager for whatever he wanted me to do next. I'd suddenly understood what he had meant when he said that having a guy look at you could make you feel good. My arousal, which had faded a little in my uncertainty, came back with a vengeance. Cerberus smiled at that, and patted his lap.

"Take a seat," he'd said. I did, and he pulled my legs up onto the couch so that I was sprawled across the couch and his lap. He'd begun by stroking my belly, which got me growling again.

"What are you going to do?" I'd asked, though I didn't really care at that point.

"Nothing too out of the ordinary for you. We'll start slow...just a simple paw job. Now just lie back and relax my dragon."

I'd done as I was told, letting Cerberus have his way with me, and as I closed my eyes...it was his smiling face looking back at me from my imagination. I'd known then, that whatever else I might be, I was gay for this dog...and there wasn't a thing in the world wrong with it.

Cerberus clearly knew what he was doing, and set a pace that had me almost, but not quite to the edge of climax for what seemed like hours. Finally, I couldn't stand it anymore and started whimpering for him to let me finish. He did, only taking his paw away when I gasped at the sensation. I'd flopped back down panting and closed my eyes again. When I opened them again, he was leaning over me, looking at me with a happy smile and those beautiful blue eyes of his. I pulled myself up to my elbows, and our snouts met for the first time. We drank each other in, and it was only for want of air that either of us broke the kiss...our first.

"I think we did that backwards," I'd said, as I dropped back down. "Aren't we supposed to kiss first and then have sex?"

"That wasn't sex," he'd replied with a giggle. "I have a very narrow definition when it comes to sex...that was just play. I never was one for doing things right anyway."

"I think I love you Cerbi," I'd said after a long pause. "I wanna be your dragon, if you'll be my doggie."

"Jay Dee, you're in afterglow," he'd said with a slightly mournful chuckle. "You'd claim to love a cactus right now. Let's wait and see if you still love me after you've slept on it."

He was right of course, but his concerns proved unfounded. I still loved him at dinner. I still loved him when I went to bed. I loved him when I woke up the next morning. I'd loved that sex didn't come to dominate our relationship...that we still talked about video games and movies, and about how Salvatore was much better at writing Forgotten Realms than he was at writing Star Wars. I still loved him three days later when he invited me to take a shower with him. I still loved him two days after that when he moved into my room, and all of a sudden my queen sized mattress wasn't as empty anymore. I'd loved that he made a 'sleep in shorts' rule, and that I just got to hold him all night. I still loved him a week after that, when he put his finger in my tail hole for the first time and showed me a pleasure I hadn't even known was possible. And I loved him every time we 'played', just feeling each other, finding out the little things that we liked and how to pleasure each other better. And I loved him two weeks later when I went to the doctor for my next check up.

Cerberus was waiting for me when I got back to my, our, car. I'd got in the passenger side and leaned in for a kiss, which was duly delivered.

"All good?" he'd asked.

"Yeah, we're going to have to stop at the pharmacy on the way home," I'd said as I waved the piece of paper in my hand.

"New prescription?" He asked with a slight note of disappointment in his voice.

"Lower dose."

"Excellent! That means you're getting better, Jay!" It was a self evident statement that somehow mattered a lot to me.

"Well, I have a very helpful doggie to keep an eye on me," I'd said with a giggle, which was returned. Then he saw the bandage on my elbow.

"They did blood tests again?" He'd asked with a little concern. Cerbi knew I hated needles.

"Yeah! He wanted to check some sort of chemical levels, and I asked him to do...STD testing while he was at it."

(We hadn't had sex yet, by Cerberus' definition, which I didn't mind: this, among other things, was something I wanted to look into before we took that plunge.)

"Did you now? Well, that was very considerate of you. What did he say?"

"He asked if I was seeing another dragon, and I told him a dog. He said he'd do the tests, but that dragon physiology is different enough from dogs that even if I had anything I probably couldn't give it to her."

He'd snickered at that as he started the car. "I bet you didn't correct him."

"No," I'd said, suddenly feeling a little down. "Does that disappoint you?"

"Jay Dee, this is your story...you decide who you want to tell it to and when. And I will always be there for you when you do. Now, where do you want to go for lunch?"

The semester passed quickly after that, and I woke up one morning during the break to an email from one of the online publishers I submitted to.

'Hello Jay Dee!' It started. 'We would like to extend an invitation for you to submit an entry to our annual short story contest. Our theme this year is "The Unexpected Leads to Self Discovery." With this theme, we are encouraging our contestants to step outside their normal writing habits and experiment with new genres (although we will gladly accept any entries). Since most of your work falls in the "Third- person Fantasy" genre, it was suggested that you might try a First-person realistic Romance. As always, Adult themed stories are permitted, but must be submitted with an "Explicit Content" tag. Entries should be between 5,000 and...'

I'd stopped reading after that and set my phone down in my lap. So, "the unexpected leads to self discovery" eh? I guess this was my official coming out invitation. Beside me on the bed, Cerbi rolled over and yawned. He opened his eyes and looked up at me.

"What's up?" he'd asked sleepily.

"It's an invitation to write a romance story about how 'the unexpected leads to self discovery,'" I'd replied.

"You have something in mind?" He asked.

"Well, I do know one about a dragon who got dumped, met a male doggie in therapy, and found out that he was gay," I'd told him. As I talked, he closed his eyes, and now he re-opened one.

"That sounds like non-fiction to me."

"How much more realistic can you get?" I'd asked him. "I'll give it a little fiction...like leaving out the part where I got fat between losing her and meeting you."

"You didn't get that fat," he'd told me. "Besides, some of us like you a little bigger."

"Maybe," I'd said, not quite sure on that front.

"Do you have a spark?" he asked.

"Yeah, I've got a spark," I told him.

"Good," he said. Then he rolled over and pulled the covers back up to his neck. "Then I'm going to get some more sleep."

I chuckled at that. He would have gotten up if I asked him to...if I'd asked him to, he would have sat on my lap and typed for me (he had before). But he was just so damn cute when he was sleeping. I slid out of bed, visited the bathroom, and then headed for the office. The office was set up with my desk on one wall, while Cerberus' tables consumed most of the rest of the room. I'd sat down and fired up my notebook. As Word opened, I'd sat there and watched the cursor flashing on a white background. Where to begin? Well, I might as well begin with the bad. I started typing:

The problem with dreams that are memories is that they can never turn out differently...