Unusual behaviour
#8 of My days with Alex
Our wolf tries to take care of his sadness
G'day peeps! I said I was maybe gonna take a break, but I was feeling a bit bored and decided to continue a bit on our story. This chapter is a bit shorter again, but the next chapter will be a bit different so I think it's alright. As always, remember to comment, vote, fav and all that good stuff! Have fun!
I didn't know for how long I sat there, with my back against the door of my office and my mind filled with the unpleasant thoughts about my ex. A minute, ten minute, an hour... maybe for just ten seconds I had been sitting there. I didn't know. Can't really say that I cared much right now anyway.
Why the hell did Scott have to show up today of all days? Why did he even have to show up at all? He should've known that I wanted nothing to do with him anymore.
I don't care if all he wanted was to get the chance to say that he was sorry. I don't care if he maybe has changed because of his experience with me and was a different man now that wanted to try and patch things up. I don't care about whatever his business with me was.
I just wanted him to get out of my life completely.
For over a year I had tried to forget about him and to completely get him out of my life. To start a new chapter in my life, completely free from everything that was, were and is Scott. And I like to think that I had been doing an okay job at it too. Sure, he'd still pop up in my head every now and then when I thought about boyfriend related stuff and things like that, but those thoughts would never hit me like bricks and make me feel like a complete sack of shit.
They had only been there along with my memories of my other boyfriends. They had maybe been a bit fresher, but they hadn't been much more than just memories.
And then, of course, when life seemed to be looking a bit brighter again he just had to show up and throw himself back into my life again.
I rubbed a paw against my face and snuffled as I tried to push back all of these bad thoughts. I almost felt like sobbing again, but I didn't want to let Scott, of all furs, cause me to do that. I pushed back the urge as much as I could and I tried taking a deep breath to gather myself.
My whole body snapped when I suddenly heard someone knocking on my door.
I took another deep breath and then did my best to try and put on a happy, or at least neutral, face as I slowly got up on my feet and looked out through the window on my door to see who knocking.
It was Jack. Again.
I opened the door for him and did my best to keep acting like I was alright.
"Hi Jack."
I hoped my voice sounded natural and that I looked happy as the door opened and my gaze met his. He gave me a curious look.
"What were you doing down there?"
I guess he must've seen through the window that I wasn't sitting by my desk and that I had gotten up from the floor.
"Dropped something" I said as an excuse and shrugged at him. He raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything more. I let him in and then went over to my desk to sit down.
I noticed him looking at me worriedly and I kept trying to give him a happy face. I guess it must've been obvious to him that I was forcing it though...
"Are you alright? You don't look too well."
He closed my office door. I kept trying to force the smile.
"I'm fine."
I lied. I didn't want him to give me any of his "jackassery" right now and I didn't want to tell him how pathetic I felt for almost starting sobbing just because of having met my ex.
He looked down at me with a frown.
"No, you're not."
He came closer to me and I could feel my heart race a bit. I got an urge to just push him out of the office, but I fought it off.
"I've talked to you almost every day for about four years. I know when you're feeling well and when you're just pretending to be feeling well."
This was a side of Jack that I often didn't get to experience. Usually he'd just be the jackass he always was and tease and make fun of me. But I guess he did know when it was and wasn't alright to do that.
And since he apparently was able to tell that I wasn't feeling too good, I stopped pretending to look happy and let him see what I was really feeling.
"I met Scott..."
Our eyes met for just a moment and I noticed his eyes widen just a little bit. He knew who Scott was, although he didn't know just how badly Scott had hurt me.
Silence fell between the two of us for a few moments before he started coming even closer to me. I looked away from him and just wanted to bury my face in my paws. I could feel him putting a paw on my shoulder and give it a gentle squeeze.
"If you want to talk..."
"I don't want to talk about it."
Well it was true. I didn't want to talk about it. Or at least not with Jack, as he didn't even know half the reasons for why Scott had hurt me so badly.
We were both silent for another few moments.
"If you maybe want to take the rest of the day off I could tell the others you got sick from some food or something."
He gave me a smile. I shrugged a bit and shook my head.
"Can't. Got stuff to do."
He kept looking at me worriedly and it felt a bit weird to me. He was usually a jackass that would tease and make fun whenever he could. But now, he seemed sincerely worried. It was definitely not a side of him that I was used to seeing...
"Well if there's anything I could do to help, just say so."
He gave my shoulder another squeeze. I closed my eyes for a moment and took a few breaths.
"Just let me be alone for a while, okay?"
I heard him sigh and the next moment I could feel his paw leave my shoulder.
"Well if you say so. You know where to find me if you need anything."
He gave me a small smile before he did as I asked him and left my office. As he closed the door I let out a sigh and rubbed my face again for a few moments.
Talking with someone was probably not that bad of an idea, but the only ones I would want to talk too about it were probably busy. My brother must be at work since he had dayshift for the rest of the week and my best friend was out of town, doing his own thing. I wouldn't want to bother him when he was out doing... stuff.
I'd have to calm down on my own and gather myself. I still had to get my work done, which would be difficult to do if I just let my thoughts get clogged by memories of Scott and his shit. I also had that dinner with Alex that I had to get back in the mood for. It wouldn't be fair to Alex if I showed up thinking about Scott while being in a generally shit mood. And I didn't want to cancel the dinner because of Scott.
A reached for a drawer in my desk and pulled it out. Inside there were some documents, some pens and other stuff. But there was also a small bottle of pills there. I grabbed it, opened it and got a few out. It was pills that would help me concentrate on my job and they were fairly harmless. I used them every now and then when I found it hard to concentrate.
I swallowed a few and then put the bottle back in the drawer and closed it. I took another deep breath before I fixed my eyes on my computer screen and let my paws hover above my keyboard. It would take a little while before the pills would show any effect, but at least I could try to start getting some work done.
I read through the code I had been working on before I went on my lunch and soon enough my fingers started tapping away at the keyboard. And after a while, as the pills started showing their effect, I slowly started forgetting about Scott and instead could just concentrate on my work instead.
It was four p.m. and time to head back home. My coding work had proved to be pretty successful at keeping my mind occupied. While I didn't feel as happy as I had been doing before my encounter with Scott, I felt a lot better. I didn't feel sad or angry and I didn't feel like the mere mention of Scott would make me start sobbing. I felt... alright.
I didn't bump into Jack this time as I headed down to the garage. And I felt that that was for the best. As I unlocked my car and got in I gave a little sigh, happy to get out of here. I was doing my best not to let any thoughts wander back to Scott, and instead I let my mind wander to Alex as I knew that thoughts about him was something that would be able to put me in the right mood.
In two hours I was supposed to meet him by the city center. I'd take a cab down there as I didn't know if we would maybe end up drinking. We'd maybe get some wine with the food or something. I had no clue where we were going, but that was fine. Made it a bit more fun, too.
I sang along a bit to the song playing in the radio as I drove home, again wondering what I should wear. Something casual that I feel comfortable wearing. Well, I had quite a lot of clothes too choose from then. Which just made things even harder! I would've felt better if he outright said "Wear these!", since that would've meant I didn't have to think too much about it. I was terrible when it came to fashion and clothes and stuff like that.
The drive home took a bit longer than usual. It would normally just take about ten minutes, but it took me nearly twenty minutes today. There were some traffic jams and, judging by the ambulance and fire truck that passed me, there had been an accident somewhere. Eventually I found myself back in my apartment though, and I decided to try to figure out what clothes to wear immediately.
I rummaged through my shirts and pants and wondered what could look nice. For being someone that wasn't very good when it came to what clothes to wear, I had a surprising amount of clothes, I thought. A lot of it looked more or less the same though, as it was mostly intended for me to use at work.
As I found it harder and harder to decide on a pair of clothes I just simply took the nicest shirt and pants I could find that looked casual enough. I quickly ironed out any wrinkles so they would look even better and then, after checking the time, I hauled myself into my bathroom to take a shower. Wouldn't want to smell sweaty or anything on our date!
Despite how bad my encounter with Scott had made me feel, I was once more feeling pretty damn good about... well, everything. The thought of meeting Alex helped a lot, as thoughts about the tiger in general seemed to have a good effect on me now. It wasn't like yesterday when I had just been sulking and being in a pretty bad mood when I thought about him before our phone call had happened. No, it was quite the complete opposite today. The nice shower I think also helped, as showers could often literally help you wash away your problems.
I quickly made sure I looked good enough after my shower and added some deodorant and stuff where it could be needed. The wolf that looked back at me as I stared into the mirror looked fairly handsome, I had to admit. I wasn't narcissistic or anything, but when in the mood I liked to be a little silly and compliment myself.
And now all I had to do was to wait until it was time to call the cab. I wondered if Alex was done getting ready to or if maybe he was displaying his full, naked, striped glory to his own apartment as he changed clothes or took a shower. The thought did cause some stirs in certain places in me, but that was something I had to suppress. I wouldn't want to start smelling all sweaty and musky again after having just prepared myself for my date.
Besides, who knew what would happen after our dinner anyway?
We had not said anything about what we would do after our dinner, but who knew. Maybe we'd end up, once again, here. Or maybe at his place, as I had feeling it was closer to where we were going. I didn't know. I don't think he knew either. It didn't matter that much though, I was just gonna be happy about meeting him again. It had been nice just to talk to him over the phone and chat on facebook, and meeting him today would just feel even better!
I sat down in my living room and turned on the TV while I waited. I didn't much care what was on since my mind was fairly occupied after all. I just needed something to do while I waited.
With forty minutes left until we were supposed to be meet up, I called to have a cab sent. It wouldn't take that long to get to the city center. About ten, maybe fifteen minutes. But I didn't want to risk coming there late so I called the cab fairly early. I then made my way down to the street by my apartment and a minute later a cab pulled up and I hopped in.
I was feeling a bit nervous now when I was on my way towards our date. I had not been on a date since I met... him. It wasn't a completely new experience, but I did feel fairly new to it. I think I had been on a fair amount of dates in my younger days that were often spent chasing tail, so I knew what to expect and what would probably be expected of me. But still... I wasn't used to it and I couldn't help but to feel really nervous.
Oh well, if I screwed up I screwed up. And as long as I didn't do anything to hurt Alex, I think things would go alright.
I told the cab driver where to take me and a few seconds later we were driving off towards the city center and to a, hopefully, fun and successful date.
And there we go once more! Hope you enjoyed it and remember to comment, vote, fav etc if you want to! :) Toodles!