That Gay Goth Dog (part 3)
i sat outside wondering about life... about who i really was.
god.. i know who i am why cant i just come out and say it. i told myself over and over again looking up at the sky watching the lightning flash around and rain started to fall onto my fur. man.. i should go inside... but its so.. so... "im not wanted, im never needed. god hates me even when he said he loved me... if others new i would be dead." i sang to myself putting my paws to my eyes and started crying a little. as i sat out crying i looked up to the lighting above me.
"GOD! WHY CANT I FIND MYSELF... WHY IM I PUT TO A LIFE THAT I CANT BE IN HEAVEN FOR THE WAY YOU MADE ME..... FUCK!" i screamed out at the sky. shortly after the storm passed i walked inside and changed into some dry cloths. i walked to my room and sat down on my bed, tears still rolling down my muzzle as i fell over and drifted into my dream world.
shortly after i fell asleep i heard a loud bang and woke up, it was storming outside again. i got my note book and started putting down words at random.
"my life is nothing, a endless void. i wished and wished upon a star. disappointed and thrown away. what was the happiness i once saw. why did it leave me in a time of need. oh dear god help me. help me please. i dont know who i am. i dont know what to do. i look in the mirror and see a ghost. i splashed water into my face. trying to hide my tears. i look back and see my body. lifeless and dead. what was that thing i once saw. what was that person behind me. who am i looking at. i know it is not me. i feel no love for myself. i feel i am alone. i feel like i should end it all. but no i wont. im stronger then that. i can overcome this." i read back to myself and walked out to the bathroom and stared into the mirror not knowing who i was anymore.
as i got ready for school that morning i looked outside at the dark clouds that hung over it.
"Paralyzed by my envy of the night, I am lost without you here and outside it looks like rain, For the last time, I bleed myself dry tonight. And nothing I could ever write, would help you understand this life. There's so much beauty when your eyes lay lost in all the city lights. The wax will drip as so as blood, romance is dead and all is lust. You are the water in my lungs, we've lost it. We are all alone." i sang from the song City Lights by Motionless in White.
i walked to my buss stop getting on and looked out the window with some tears rolling down my cheeks. shortly after i got off the buss i walked inside.
"Jeremy whats wrong" a doe walked up to me looking at my eyes and saw i have been crying.
"abbey i dont know what to do" i hugged her tightly as she hugged me back.
"jeremy dont worry you will be ok i know a death of a love one is hard to deal with but you will aways come out strong... you always have" she said smiling at me.
"thanks abbey im just really ganna miss my grandpa... he was my inspiration for so much.. i feel so lost" i said putting my ears down. my tail did not wag once today. "i feel like i have ... have lost everything" i added.
"oh jeremy trust me it will be ok come on lets get to your class" she said grabbing my arm. "also i never seen you wear a sleeveless shirt before.. really shows off your muscle" she said giggling.
"thanks abbey" i said as my ears perked up a little and my tail started to wag.
as we walked down the hall i could just feel the others talking about me and staring at me. it made me want to sorta bark down and cry but i was strong then that... i just wished i could be as strong as i normally am.
shortly after school let out i walked to my buss smiling... and looked up at the sky and mouthed i love you grandpa and walked to my buss sitting down listing to some Motionless In White. the buss ride home was ok i just thought how i wanted to be held by alex even though i knew that could never happen.
"im a man with scissors for hands. longing for love i know i cant have. its so said my heart in your hands. it melts like the snow in the part where you dance" i sang to myself.
shortly after i got off the buss i walked over to Alexs house. thank god he lived 5 houses down. as i was about to open the door he opened it and i ended up knocking on his chest.
"he JEreMY" he said as i knocked on his chest.
"oh hi man sorry about that" i said giggling.
"no prob come in" he said walking away from the door. i walked in and took off my shoes and sat next to him on the couch.
"alex.." i said quietly.
"yeah?" i looked at me with his ears up.
"i... i have to tell you som..something" i said looking into his cat eyes.
"sure what is it" he said taking ahold of my paws.
"well i erm... i love you" i said looking deep into his eyes feeling a connection only me and him had. my cheeks blushed under my fur, my palms started to sweat a little. and i felt so warm finly saying that.
"jeremy.... i...." he said as he hugged me tightly and i hugged him back.
"jeremy i wanted to hear that for so long... i loved you since we met" he said almost into tears.
"well would you be my boyfriend" i said pulling away putting up my ears
"yes... yes i would" he said as he kissed my lips. when we kissed i felt all the happyness, hope, and love i thought i lost. but when i was with him it would run into my body. i could not brake away. i wanted to yiff him right their. but i knew i would be pushing it so fast. i felt his tongue sneak into my mouth as i put my tongue into his feeling around, his eyes shut as he purred. i purred with him then broke from our kiss letting his tongue slip inside his mouth.
"wow" he said looking at my rubbing my chest. "your a great kisser" he giggled and rubbed my cheek.
"thanks hon so are you" i said as i held his paw.
"also thank you for saving my life at that gig a couple of nights ago.." i said to him as i rubbed his chest.
"hey what are brothers for.. well now boyfriends" he said chuckling.
"but now we have to tell our parents about us" when he said that my ears layed back and i sat on the couch and whimmpred a little.
"aww whats wrong" he said as he rubbed my back.
"if my parents knew i was gay... or even dating a guy they would freak out and kick me out" i said looking into his eyes.
"if they do you can come live with me" he told me kissing my cheek.
"thank you hon i love" i kisses his lips smiling a little.
more soon i just had to put this down tell me what you think also rember to read part 1 and 2