FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

The sun rises, ugh I wish it wouldn't, I like darkness, black, dark none colourful.

As I opened my eyes I'm so glad I brought those black curtains, my light is a red bulb, everything looks better in red, it makes red look a real colour.

My name is Allen; I'm a horse, brown, with one black hoof, 15, going to college, studding art.

As I got up I could see my arms bandaged up again, ugh, I hate that, and yes, I'm an emo, I cut myself to clean my body, I cut myself until the blood loss makes me faint.

How this happen? When did this happen? Well it all happened about 10 years ago.

When I was five I used to get school dinners, they would serve nice food, but at the same time they would also give out plastic knifes and forks, why plastic? Please, your not going to give a 5 year old a real metal fork and knife are you? I like you if you do though.

Anyways, one of these knifes wasn't cut right, a slip out if you will, got though the error department, wasn't checked, so it was sharp so very sharp, not like the others.

I had some tough old vegetables to cut though, my knife snapped, I went and got that one knife, the one knife that had passed though the control checking without being picked out as a fail, I pick it up, after you know, going though them all to find the right one.

I picked that one up, noting that it wasn't like the rest, it was like me, an outsider, doesn't belong here, I sat at my table and put my hoof on the bit of vegetable that wasn't cutting well, I then started to cut though the tough well boiled to the point of Harding like rock peace of vegetable, then it happened, my cutting like a saw on a bit of knotted wood made it slip, and cut me right across the back of my hoof, I felt the pain but at the same time, it felt good, like I had opened up a fizzy drink that was over fizzed and went everywhere.

I looked at my now bleeding hoof, the knife still in my other hoof, it felt so nice, as I watched it drip I liked it, like the badness or anger of my school days where dripping away, then came that one scream.

A kid sitting on the other side saw my bloody hoof and screamed, I just looked at him, then looked back at my hoof, which even though it had been open for a good few seconds still didn't hurt.

Before I could taste the sweet taste of my own blood I was pulled from my seat and walked to the nurse, I still had the knife; I put that in my pocket.

The nurse was kind enough, I even got a red lollipop for being "brave" as she put it, I just felt strange, like I had a new way to get rid of all my anger and stress.

At home in my bedroom I looked up cutting yourself and why it feels good on the internet, that's when I saw the emo's.

I looked at the pictures and I looked at what it said, they enjoy cutting themselves, they feel it frees the soul and lets go of the stress and anger of the days, it also showed where to cut yourself, I thought about it.

I didn't cry like a normal kid when it happened, I just felt strange, like a good strange, the feeling you get when you've done something you never thought you could do, but you did.

I looked at the knife, now dry from my blood; it almost looked like it too enjoyed the cuttings, mind you a knife likes to cut that's what it was made for.

As I picked it up I looked it, I then tasted my blood, it was yuk, dry blood was no good compared to real blood, as I undid the bandage my cut was healing over, I looked and put the knife over the cut, this time it hurt, but why did it hurt? Why did it hurt? I then moved the cut up a bit to my arm, I put it on my soft fur, I then moved it and it sliced my skin open, no pain, and no hurt, but sadly that was to stop.

As I lined up for another cut my mum walked in and dropped what ever she was carrying, she grabbed the knife just as I was about to move it, she then threw it away and I tried to get it but sadly I couldn't, my mum held onto me until we got to the doctors.

10 years later and I'm still doing it.

As I un-did the bandages I counted how many times I'd cut myself, 13 this time, but a few weekends ago I did 20, as I picked up some clothes I sniffed them, they all smelled clean.

I put some dark clothes on, nothing light, as I walked down the stairs my parents where there, for the past 10 years they had taken me to places to cure my lust for cutting myself, but every place either said they tried everything but to no avail.

I don't talk to them I only say a few things, the same every morning,

"Why did you bandage me up? You know that now there's still part of my anger or stress in my body that couldn't escape?!"

Mum would cry and I'd just collect my lunch, and go, oh and that knife? I've still got it, well I no longer use it as the sharpness has gone, thank you dad, he blunted it, how I'll never know but I found other ways of cutting myself and letting the blood escape.

As I got on the bus everyone just looked at me, I didn't care that I looked like a half dead horse, plus if I looked alive furs would notice me more.

At college I went into the bath room and looked at myself in the mirror, my eyes where blood shoot, too much staying up late doing nothing, but thinking, and cutting.

As I got from my bag a pocket knife two other furs walked in, they pissed and saw in the mirror myself as I cut my left arm, the top part the under side is no good as that just goes everywhere, however when I cut myself now I feel a strong urge, I don't know what though, the other two furs left looking worried, I just smiled it felt good to feel my left over blood pour from my body, as the bell went I just left it, the blood dripping down my arm felt funny, like when you've washed your hands and you don't dry them, that kind of funny.

College was a drag, I'm always in trouble, today was about my artwork, this is my choosing, art, you feel so alive doing it.

"Allen, may I see you after class"

Oh gods what dose the old bag want now, I want to go out to my area.

As I waited for class to end we where writing, some dull poet going on about how life is full of strange things, we had to write about how life is strange, me? I write how life is strange when you wake up from cutting yourself.

As class ended I tried to exit quickly but the old bag shouted my name, I sat back down as everyone else left, I wonder what she'd want to know now.

"Allen, about your latest work, well it's too basic, its just a un-happy face, I can't grade that, its not what we asked for, we asked for, express on this canvas what your body feels like"

"well miss, I put a lot of work into that, I mean, that is my blood, my body is un happy when furs try to bandage it up, I suppose I could put some bandages on there, maybe even draw a circle around the un happy face, curse, it might take a while"

Like all the years of teaching had gone from her she was not able to respond, I just took the work from her and shoved it in my bag, I then went to my favourite place.

As I walked out of the college, I put my hoodie up and walked to the graveyard, I like that place, so quite, no one to say anything, I can think about knifes and cutting myself with them.

As I walked in I looked at the older graves, I then found mine, well another Allen, he was a lad, only 17 when he died in the war, I smiled that would have been nice, to have been shoot in my leg or arm.

As I sat down I smoked one of my fags, they also help with the pain, I then took out my art, I then thought about it, it was true, my canvas was just a un-happy face, lets change that.

As I got out my pocket knife I looked and thought about the circle around the face, that will need a lot of blood, I then looked at my legs, I'd only cut my legs before but only when I missed the bus, gods my legs hurt, until I cut them open, I rolled up my jean leg and sank the knife in, I shuddered as it felt so good!

As it dripped I carefully aimed my leg, the circle wasn't perfect but it'll do, I then looked at the base, not much there, I then drew in blood two knifes, if this is how I feel then I know what to put

I put on one of the knifes a blade, but the blade was blunt, how was it blunt? By being miss used, I put under the knife, a block of wood, knifes go blunt if pushed in wood or sawed like in wood.

The other knife I drew but I picked up some dirt and pushed it into the knife, it looked rusty, I hate rust, it kills off good knifes, as I started to feel faint from the blood I'd used I then looked at my fag, it was now nothing, like what I'd done at the bottom I put a fag butt in blood on the top of the canvas, I then put a full one on but made the end look stamped on, it looked great, I then thought about the wasters, so with some glue I put on some of the fags I'd not finished from cutting myself on there, to say that I don't like wasters of good tabbco.

I was now feeling faint, but on a roll, I then pulled from my bag a nice new bandage, I cut it up and put it down the side, to say bandages cover up the getting rid of bad things.

I then started to feel sick, but my master peace was ready, I then fainted, I smiled though as I knew I'd done well.

When I woke I was back in college, in the nurses office, I checked the time and saw that I'd missed one lesion oh well, I got up and removed the bandages they had put on me, I then left.

The final lesion of day was science, I loved hated it, I loved it because I could give ever fur a sample of my blood for looking at, but sadly the teacher didn't like that, and that's my hate, I'm only trying to help, not like I don't enjoy it.

As I entered everyone could see I'd been out as I still had grass in my mane, as I sat down I looked at my picture, it was alright, the bandages needed something, blood? Or maybe, before I could finish the teacher spoke.

"Today class, new subject, now you're at the age where you're noticing changes"

"Yeah most of them aren't your topics"

I said out loud

"Allen, don't make me send you to the head office, now then, as I was saying, your getting older, have you noticed strange urges? To each other? The female now looks nicer then she did a few years ago"

"Nah, they still look like whores!"

"Allen horse that is enough, one more outburst and I'll make you fail this, now then class you are growing up and now its time to learn where babies come from"

Oh gods not sex Ed, ugh, how females have periods and what our bits do, I didn't really pay much attention until the video came on.

"Boys! Are you now noticing the new thing in your life? That's right girls! They look better now; they appear to do something to you, something down stairs? This is normal, your getting an erection, don't worry though, that can be fixed, by dating a woman you can fix these urges and please your little friend"

I then thought of this, every time I cut myself, I felt this urge, up until now I'd had no idea, they then talked about masturbation, I watched as the male rubbed his man hood and made some white stuff appear, it was frown upon by god but who cares, as I thought about I wondered if I cut myself would I get excited? Would that explain the urges?

As class ended I went home still thinking about the cutting of myself and how it could turn me on, it was the only thing I could think of, so that night I decide to try.

As I sat in my bedroom I got out a knife, a more better one, just a nice simple cutting knife, 6 inch blade, black handle with 3 silver dots, as I looked at it nothing, I was nude too, I then looked at my body and remember fore play in the video.

As I felt the knifes edges something happened, I started to get hard, the feel of the cold steel on my hoofs, the feel of it on my body, I then moved it to my arm and lightly slide the cold, cold metal down my arm, a shiver as it felt so nice.

As I saw my cock grow I thought of what else to do, I then felt the knife move my hand to my arm, it then moved just above my skin making the cut moves, I got harder, I then pushed it on, it sank in deep, cutting me cutting me deep, I gasped cock now fully hard from this, I looked as it moved towards my mouth, I kissed it, the blood going down my chin and dripping onto my cock, each drop made my cock twitch, I moaned as I rubbed my cock, the knife then moved to my belly, and with my help, I cut my chest, I then did it again and again and again, as I bleed I felt alive, I felt my body heat up, I felt my cock throb.

When I put the knife over my cock, it twitched, I gasped, pre leaking out, I lightly rubbed the none sharp bit over my long member all 9 inches of it, I gasped as the tip so sharp lightly cut my cock tip, I then put the knife on my cock and slide it across.

The feeling was great, I came right there as I pulled it along, my hot cum mixed with blood made me feel alive, I then felt faint I kissed my knife and cut my arms a few times, seeing as I'd not really done much tonight.

As morning came once again I woke up and had no bandages on me! Yes at last my parents had listened, or had they seen what I'd done, I then heard talking coming from down stairs, as I walked down I felt my cock it hurt but at the same time it felt nice.

My parents where talking to a fur, a horse, he was in a white coat, ugh more doctors, gee I suppose our holiday will be cancelled again, why can't they just let me be, I then looked at the time, it was 10, I had to get to college, I went back up the stairs and got dressed, I went out though the back door, I didn't want them talking to me.

As I got to college I went to art and the teacher was surprised to see me, seeing as my parents had phoned in saying I was going to be away for a few days.

"Hell no, I'm not going away, not again"

As class went on, I wasn't held back, mainly because I was in a better mood, after last night I couldn't wait to get back home and do it again, as lesion ended and lunch began I wondered if I had time, to well do what I'd done, but this time, no cutting my dick, just my body.

As I walked to the graveyard I sat down and light up, I keep my fags here, otherwise knowing mum she'd just take them away.

As I light up I got out my knife and undid my jeans, I smiled as I was half hard, thinking about last night was good.

As I rubbed my cock I felt the area where I'd cut myself, it was sensitive, I shuddered and got out my knife, I started again by making the heart look better, I made it look like a real heart, and not a triangle, as I cut I felt my cock move, it throbbed, as I finished the cutting my cock hadn't cum, I then cut the top just above the pee hole and felt even more better then last night!

As I cut my dick again I moaned out as it throbbed and then came.

7 cuts on my cock, I gasped as I started to feel faint, but I go up, I had more art, and besides my teacher might be giving me a better grade as I'd made my picture better.

As I walked I felt a little fuzzy, I drank some coke to get my sugar levels back up.

As I got into class teacher was there my art work on her table un-touched, she hadn't even looked at it as it was facing down!

This made me sad, I had nothing to do, she then got up and spoke,

"Class, today I'll be letting you go 20 minutes then normal so I can have a word with Allen,"

Everyone cheered and got on with there work, I sighed and knew this was going to another, don't use your body fluids as artwork, I sighed maybe next time I should just lie, says its red paint, not blood.

As lesion ended I sat there, no point in going anywhere, she then closed the door, not locking, well not with me after all.

"Allen, about your latest work, you've improved on it, but I don't understand it, please explain to me"

"That's it? No more please use paints not your blood? You just want me to explain it? Okay, I'll do that, the un happy face is me, I'm an emo, I don't like things, so my body is always sad, the fags at the top are what I like I smoke, but I don't like wasters of fags, only smoking a few inches, I also get sad when my fag has ended, that means I can't smoke any more, the bits in the middle again are to furs who just don't bother to pick up the little bits of fag, also the knifes at the bottom made me sad, one is rusty, it can't be used for cutting yourself for the fact of infection, the other, is on wood, furs using knifes on wood, it damages them, the bandages are for the fact that as my body bleeds it getting rid of all the badness in my body, all the rage hate and anger, yet mum and dad want to cover me up closing in those things"

She looked at me a little shocked but none the less she graded me and gave me a B- not bad at all, our next work was to just go crazy.

As I walked home I felt less emo like, I was a little bit happy, I'd found a great way to cut myself and cum, but as well as that furs at least where understanding my work.

As I came home my parents weren't home, I ordered take away, well cooking isn't me, as I did I thought about the crazy picture we'd have to do, I then thought of the prefect picture!

I got up to my bedroom and grabbed my knife, I then looked at my under arm, so clean and un-cut, I put the blank canvas on the bed and with one cut let my blood do the art.

It spattered over the canvas, I then cut my other under arm, again it hit the canvas, I smiled, I dripped over the paper, I then cut my tongue, and let it bleed over my lips, I then kissed the edge of the paper, again another cut to both my under arms, blood going everywhere, I then looked, a heart, I smiled and put in the dripping blood a knife shape, to say, I have a crazy love for knifes.

As soon as I was done I feel onto my bedroom floor, blood coming out, for once I felt really clean, like this was getting rid of something else.

When I woke I was in the hospital, while I was out my parents had come in and seen what I'd done, the doctor looked me over and brought me in, I just wanted to get up and go, but I couldn't, my eyes opened more, I looked, I had been strapped down, I tried to trash but nothing!

I thought to myself that I can bite though the straps but no, I'd been muzzled!

"Ah, you are awake, now we can talk yes?"

"Piss off you fuck turd, why can't you just leave to be! I have work to do!"

I spit at him, he just wiped it away, as it he was used to it,

"Well not until you stop cutting yourself, for you see you are harming yourself to the point of almost killing yourself"

He sat down and watched me as I tried to break the straps,

"Let me go! I've always been stronger then you! Drugs I'd just pretend eat then spit them out, mind control has no effect! Let me go!"

Another spit hit him right in the eye, my aim was good,

"You know that your parents are worried for your life? They only try to help you by patching up the wounds; you do know what happens after you pass out?"

He said looking at me,

"Yeah I faint and the wounds heal over, duh I'm an emo I know that"

"Ah yes, but do you know that sometimes if cutting continues the skin can't heal, which means the blood can keep coming out"

"Good! The more that comes out the cleaner and purer I am!"

I said as the straps strained under my tugging, tugging again and again either weakens them or knocks something lose,

"Yes, but well your body or our body's can't heal, they keep bleeding, and that can't lead to death from bleeding out",

I froze, I never thought of it like that, I could be pleasuring myself then fall asleep after cutting myself and die, he took the muzzle off,

"Now then, how do you feel about that?"

He asked smiling,

"Like I want to do it once more then never again,"

He sighed and mumbled something under his breath then un-did the straps holding me, more bandages on me, this time however I left them on.

My parents where there, they hugged me and we went home, I felt kinda better but then it hit me, all those years of going to help places, all the doctors, I'd never get anywhere, I decided that tonight would be my last night on this planet.

As night time came I thought about the cuts, I then looked online of where to cut yourself, I then found the neck, the one place you never cut yourself, as I got into bed, I looked and got up my knife.

I kissed her, she then cut my mouth from the cutting, the blood flowed down my chin onto my Harding cock, I smiled as I smacked myself with the knife, I'd been bad letting that doctor talk to me, I then cut my ass, Ahh that felt strange, my cock leaked pre from this, I then cut my cock lightly then I cut it deeper, and screamed out as I cut in a bit too deep, thankfully I had a pillow on my face, as I felt faint I rubbed my cock and came, I then kissed my knife and with one cut I cut my throat, I felt real pain, then faintness, then darkness, then nothing, I felt nothing.

It wasn't the first cut that was the deepest; it was the very last cut that was the deepest.

The End