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"I have to leave tomorrow."

"I know."

Soft whispered words in dark, sleepy night draw the reality out of everything - there is no way to tell whether 'tomorrow' really is tomorrow until it comes.

The otter with the sad voice wipes at his nose and then breathes out a sigh - why does life have to be like it is? "I don't want you to go."

"I know you don't. I know." The other otter pulls the blankets up tighter around the pair and presses his nose to his mate's, who wraps his arms around him and holds him close. "I have to, though - I'm sorry."

"Do you really have to? Do you really, really have to?"

"Zeal, this is something I've wanted for a long, long time... I can't just throw it all away because something in my personal life came up. I'm sorry, hon. I really am."

"Otto..."

"Yes?"

Zeal leans in to close the short distance between their muzzles and presses his lips to Otto's nose in a gentle show of sweet affection. "I'll miss you."

"I know." The other otter shifts in the darkness and moves a little closer; Zeal can feel the warmth from his body. It does very little in the way of soothing his anxious nerves to know that he wouldn't feel that warmth in bed beside him for quite a bit of time starting tomorrow. "I'll miss you too - I really will. It'll take some time to get used to it, but... we'll get by, somehow. You and me both. Will you call?"

"Every single day - how could I not?" Zeal looks for the familiar shine of green eyes in the liquid night in front of his nose; he catches it, and locks on to that one thing visible at this time, that glint of whatever light that has made its way into this room off the two emeralds he knows to be his mate's eyes. "You know I can't live without you - you mean the world to me and more, and even so much as a day without seeing your face or hearing your voice is more than enough to -"

Otto puts a finger against Zeal's lips. "Shh," he murmurs, and shifts once more; the other otter feels a familiar heat press up against his leg. "I don't leave until tomorrow - college is college, and it's something I'd rather get done sooner than later. Tonight, though, we have the world to ourselves."

This is his goodbye present. Otto closes the distance between their lips once, then again, and again, and again - and runs his paw up Zeal's leg to cup his sack and sheath and massage that area. Zeal can do nothing but hold on to him and pant while that experienced paw works, fast and sweet, over his eager cock; Otto murmurs a few soft words into his ear, a gentle 'I love you' and something else lost to the moans and gasps -

• and it's not long before Zeal bucks against his paw and moans in the otherwise almost-silence of the room, spewing his seed out over his mate's bellyfur pressing against him and the mattress beneath them. The thick musky scent hits Otto's nose from under the covers, and he licks his lips and smiles.

"...and that's how much I'll miss you," he purrs, and plants another kiss on Zeal's cheek.

~ ~ ~

Like all things in time, morning does eventually come - Zeal is made sure of this by being stirred from sleep long before he would have awoken naturally. Groggy and disoriented, he looks over to see Otto getting dressed near the bed.

"Up so soon?"

Otto's ears flick his way, and he glances up. "Yes, hon - the plane leaves at eight, remember? It's a bit of a ways to drive down to the airport, and I need some time to get ready - then, I'll be off. I'll call you or text you or something when the plane takes off and lands, alright? There's no need to worry."

Zeal sits up and stretches his arms over his head, giving voice to a lavish yawn - in the middle of this stretch, he is reminded of what happened before he fell asleep last night by the dry crustiness pulling on the fur of his lower belly. He blushes, and shifts beneath the covers. "How much time do we have?"

"I was thinking I'd give myself two hours to get to the airport and get settled, so... around half an hour to finish up here, and then I'll be on my way." Otto's form is outlined in front of the window, the wan grey light of almost-dawn just barely illuminating his slim figure and the ocean-blue markings that adorn his grey and white fur; his jade eyes glimmer, ever bright, down on Zeal. "Big day today. I can't be too careful."

"Do you have to leave so early, though?"

"Yes - this is the next step in my education, the beginning of a better chapter in both my life and career. I can't afford to mess this up."

Zeal whines, and follows his mate as he crosses to the other side of the room with his eyes. "It's five-thirty in the morning - if I hadn't woken up, you would've left without saying goodbye and I'd have woken up alone."

"No, I wouldn't - and you wouldn't." Otto goes into the bathroom and flicks on the light; Zeal squints and shields his eyes until that light goes off again. "I'd have made sure to say goodbye, and that I love you."

"You wouldn't." Those last three words often seem so hard to believe to Zeal. He pulls the covers back up, but - being in a sitting position - they just fall back down over his chest. "I know you. You would have completely forgotten about me."

"You may know me more than other people, but you don't know me more than I know myself." Otto heads for the open door of their room, and Zeal slides out from the bed to follow him. "And, please, don't start this. Not today. I have enough on my mind as is - and I don't need anything dragging me down on my first day in college."

Zeal would like to think that the relationship he shares with his mate is flawless and perfect - but, the always-active hand of Reality often makes sure to remind him that this is not so. He and Otto have their arguments and fights, and more than once have those quarrels ended in the angry slamming of a door and the heavy tears of hurt feelings and hearts, something that often goes unremedied for quite a length of time. Pink scars tinted silver with time along Zeal's arms keep him aware that all of those times are, in fact, reality, and not bad dreams or nightmares like he wishes they would be - like they both wish they would be. Throughout every fight, every angry word, every snarl, every low blow to emotional secrets or things better left unsaid, though, the two still come through as mates - maybe with a strengthened relationship or maybe with a weakened one, but one still standing either way. There was - and is - pain, both emotional and physical: Zeal is sure that, one day, that pain will be no more, and in its place will be joy, happiness, uninhibited love. Over the years, he had seen a glimpse of that - and that's what keeps him holding on through all the hardships. The secret he has yet to find out, though, is how to keep that as reality. "I'm sorry, sweetie... I just don't want you to go."

"I know that. I can tell." Otto pads down the hall and into the kitchen; Zeal follows behind, and regrets not putting anything on or at least wrapping a blanket around himself against the cool before-morning air. "Listen - I'm really kinda stressed right now. I need to get some things done, and I won't be able to do that if I have to say something to you every other second. Alright? I'll say goodbye when I leave - don't worry."

Zeal's ears droop, and he sighs. "Fine. I'll just head back to bed, I guess. I'll see you in a few months."

"No - no, no, no, please. That's not what I meant. I just..." Otto growls. Zeal can tell that his patience is being stretched - whenever this happens, he just backs off and exits his mate's life until he feels better... but, for whatever reason, that just seems to aggravate him further. "Zeal. I said, don't start this - one or both of us will say something we regret, and I'll leave angry and you'll be depressed and it'll be the same thing we always do when this kind of thing happens. You're being childish."

Zeal suddenly becomes aware of how cold this morning really is. His ears flatten, and his paws clench at his sides. "I'm not being childish. You said you're already stressed out - and I gathered that I'm just stressing you out further, so I'm heading back to bed. What's so childish about that?"

"That's not what I meant. I was talking about how you always drag our arguments - no matter how little - into something much bigger than they really should have to be. Sometimes, I get the impression that you enjoy being hurt - it just happens so fucking much!"

"It's not my fault! You know I hate it when we fight!" Zeal wipes at his eyes and sniffles - why did he have to say anything? "You're my mate, and I love you. I don't care if you love me back or not - either way, you'll treat me the same! You always have!"

The otter in the kitchen stiffens and turns to face him; in his eyes burn unbridled frustration. "What are you talking about?"

"You've cheated on me, lied to me, said things behind my back, made me believe things that aren't even true only to deceive me, you treat other people like they're your mates and not me - you think that doesn't hurt?"

"You've never said anything about it before. How was I supposed to know you have a problem with it if you've never told me?"

"I am your mate! Is it really that hard to tell what it is that I'm thinking or feeling?" Zeal waits, paws out in exasperation - and finds no answer to come his way. "Even strangers can do that! You know what this tells me? Hm?"

"Zeal -"

"That tells me you don't love me as much as you say you do - if even at all! I feel like even trying is a lost cause, because I'll only get the same amount of affection that you give to everybody else -"

"Zeal!"

That shocks him out of his brooding thoughts; his heart beats fast, and his ears lower again.

"That's quite enough. I realize that I'm not the best boyfriend all the time - yes, thanks for reminding me of that, a hundred times over. Do you really think you're not at all special to me? Have you ever wondered why I choose to live and sleep with you and not any of the other hundreds of people you so seem to believe I mess with and fuck? It gets really tiring, having to calm you down and deal with your stupid paranoia and senseless fears." He pounds the kitchen counter with a clenched fist as he speaks; with each hit, Zeal winces and draws back a bit more. "From what you've just said, I guess I should be sorry for being the only one who's stayed to help you through your life and problems - because, at the end of it all, I apparently don't love you. Who are you to say whether I love you or not? Really? I could say that you don't love me, that you hate me - does that make those things true?"

Otto's voice echoes in the high-ceilinged rooms of the house - and Zeal can almost swear that his own heartbeat does the same. He tries to speak, but his mouth fails to form words, and his tongue defies him. His ears droop down and his tail hangs low against the ground. He sniffles again, and once more wipes at his eyes.

"If you're going to cry, go ahead. I need to leave."

"Otto..."

The other otter opens the door and doesn't even so much as spare him another look. "Goodbye."

The door slams, and echoes more than his voice did at the height of his anger; Zeal drops his face into his paws and slumps down to the floor against the wall.

His sobs ring out in the silence of this lonely house on this lonely morning.

What's the point? He asks himself this question over and over and over. Why do I still do this? Otto just left for school - and, by the sound of his voice, he also possibly left me. To Zeal, life just seems to be the same thing over and over again - it begins with happiness; then, that happiness is taken from him before he can fully enjoy it; then, loneliness; and, then, happiness again. Does Otto like messing with his heart? Is that it? He wipes his nose on the back of his paw and looks up at the ceiling: he is made gratingly aware of the passage of time by the rising light level - but, with that passing time, he feels no better.

After a while, he hears someone else pad softly down the hall and stand next to him. "Are you okay? I heard yelling... what happened?"

Beside him stands Lukas - another otter, someone very close to him and his mate, who has been with the two for quite a bit of time now. Zeal tries to gather himself, and sniffles again. "Otto left... he yelled at me..."

"Oh dear..." Lukas slides down next to him and puts his arm around him. Soft, luminous blue eyes look with worry into his. "Are you alright?"

"I don't know... I hurt - all over." Zeal turns to Lukas and throws his arms around him, sobs still resounding in the still air. It pulls at the other otter's heart to see him like this, and Zeal knows that - he'd often try to hide his feelings of depression and sadness, but somehow, Lukas usually found a way to see right through that. "He said he doesn't want me."

"Did he really?"

The low, gentle voice so familiar to him brings memories of past times - happy thoughts, happy words, happy feelings. "That's what he meant. He said he's too stressed out right now to deal with me... he doesn't want me. That's what he meant."

"I'm sure that's not true - come on. Would anyone really say that kind of thing to their own mate? I know he's Otto. I know he's a bit different-minded compared to other people, but that's not at all like him. You may know him better than I do, but I still know him." He gently strokes the fur of Zeal's back, the aquamarine markings over his own brown fur glowing the light of the morning that still can't really yet be called 'light'.

Lukas has offered to Zeal nothing less than love, care, and worry since the very start - he had always been there for him, and always would be, as he often made sure to get across. Sometimes he makes things better, and sometimes he makes things worse; either way, he means good, and he's always there whether Otto is or isn't. He offers his ear, his heart, and his advice to Zeal, and that truly means a lot to him.

Zeal sighs. In his ear, he can hear Lukas's heartbeat; it brings him comfort that here is an actual person to listen to him, someone who really does care. "I bet he's gonna go find someone else at school - fall in love again and completely forget about me."

"Don't say that." Lukas's arm tightens around him. "However it goes is the way it'll be. He loves you, and you love him, and everything's going to be okay."

"It's not always okay, Luke. The world isn't this perfect place where sadness doesn't exist and optimism is the law." Zeal looks up: gentle, understanding eyes look back at him. He falters. "If I never expect anything, I'll never be disappointed."

"Who cares? Would you rather be happy all the time or depressed?"

Lukas's paw trails down his arm, warm fingers slipping through soft fur; Zeal pulls away when those fingers brush over the silent rows of scars. "I don't care whether I'm happy or not. All I care about is his happiness - mine doesn't matter. He's my mate."

The other otter is silent for a moment, and then stands and reaches his paw down. "Come on; you woke up a bit early. Let's go back to bed."

He takes the paw, and holds on to it even after standing up. "I... I'm sorry."

"What for? You didn't do anything." Lukas gives a squeeze and kisses his cheek as they advance further down the darkened hallway. Neither of them wear any clothes.

Zeal sighs again. "Waking you up. And... and pulling you into all of our arguments and fights. It's just that... I want him to be happy, no matter what, and if that means him leaving me, so be it. As long as he's happy."

Lukas pushes open the door to his room with his other paw and leads Zeal in: in here, it's considerably warmer than the rest of the house - pleasantly so - and smells faintly of the otter with the bright blue eyes who sleeps here each night. Zeal has been here many times before; however, he stands by the door when Lukas slips back under the covers of his bed. "Come on," he says, and pats the space next to him on the mattress. "If not for you, for me."

When he comes over and lays down, Lukas pulls the blankets up and puts his arm around him once more. "You know," he says softly, "maybe what you two need is some time apart... it's possible that one - or both - of you is crowding the other, and you just need a break. How much you love him is a bit unhealthy, if you ask me -"

"I didn't ask you." Zeal looks away.

Lukas sighs. "Your heart, not mine. However, I do care about you and your happiness, and..." He wets his lips and finds Zeal's paw with his other. "...and when you're in pain, I'm in pain."

"...Luke..." Zeal sniffles and looks into those eyes again. He feels compelled to keep his voice at a low, to match the gentle hum of the house's air conditioning and this other otter's soft breathing. Lukas says nothing, and just looks back at him. "You really mean a lot to me. I've just been falling apart since Otto first told me his plan, and now that he's gone... it's all suddenly so real. I don't know what I'm going to do. I love him - I need him."

"You have me."

"I know. Don't think that doesn't mean anything to me... you're the only thing still keeping me sane when I have nobody else." A soft breeze whispers through the trees outside. "I need you, too."

Lukas makes as if to say something, but then pauses; Zeal watches his face, and tries to track his thoughts and emotions. "Zeal..." he murmurs, and then kisses his cheek.

"Lukas." Zeal kisses his cheek back.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

And, then - their lips meet, and the silence no longer seems so empty, the morning coolness no longer so oppressive. Lukas guides the other otter, tilting his head one way, then the other, pinching off this kiss and beginning a new one; he slips his tongue in through Zeal's lips, and from there, everything follows its own path and rhythm. Zeal takes the paw intertwined with his and presses it against his sheath, where he already feels a gentle stirring - oh, God. He purrs and begins to pant softly with Lukas's massaging motions over his cock, growing steadily harder... he closes his eyes and grunts in his throat.

"I want this," the other otter growls, and kisses him again. "I'll show you that him being away isn't so bad - because, after all, it gives us more time to ourselves to play..."

Zeal licks his lips and looks up at him through half-closed eyes; his hips buck forward and up into the closed paw around his now-fully-hard shaft. "Oh, Luke," he moans, "I want you inside me. I wanna ride you."

"You have to do something for me first." Lukas throws the blankets back and rolls onto his back; in the midst of his creamy bellyfur rises a cock just as hard and just as eager as Zeal's. He points down to it and licks his lips, staring into Zeal's sapphires of eyes. Then, one word, in his deep voice-

"Suck."

Zeal slides down his body, running his fingers through the soft fur as he does. Lukas's musk grows stronger as he descends, increased and amplified by the same scent in the mattress that had been ground in from countless nights of solitary lust. Paws on Lukas's hips, he breathes in, and breathes out, and closes his lips around the waiting tip - a flick of his tongue brings him the knowledge of a bead of pre there, and he swallows down the tangy taste. This warmth between his lips and on his tongue makes him wiggle and shiver and twitch and moan and oh God Lukas. Zeal swirls his tongue around his tip, then pulls back and licks up along his length again and again and again; one of Lukas's paws comes down on the back of his head, and he bobs down with his meat cupped in his tongue.

This is something he had done innumerous times before - to both Otto and Lukas, sometimes separate, sometimes both at once. Now those were fun days. They both had a different taste, both had their own ways of doing things, had their own special spots and pleasures and moans and noises - and Zeal can control them both if he would ever so choose to do so. Instead, though, he usually lets himself get controlled, because that's just as good - if not better.

"That's enough," purrs Lukas, pulling him out of his thoughts and blissful memories; he lifts his muzzle off the now-glistening cock and sits back on the balls of his feet, his own erection throbbing with want. He looks up expectantly, and licks his lips. "Now - turn around, and get on your knees."

Zeal leans forward onto his paws and turns himself around, then lifts his tail and looks back over his shoulder. "Yes, sir," he breathes; Lukas spreads him a little bit further with a thumb moistened by saliva under his tail. "Like this?"

Lukas rises to his knees and positions himself behind him. "Yes," he purrs, and moves forward. Zeal jumps when his tip licks up against his tailhole, dampened by the thumb that was just there a short few seconds ago. "Just like that. Now, hold still..."

Zeal clutches the sheets of the bed. "Make me moan, Luke," he drawls. "Make me gasp and whine and shiver and shudder and -"

Lukas pushes into him, cutting off his voice; bright heat surrounds his tip, and a cold shiver scatters through his limbs. "Oh, God," he moans, and sinks further into Zeal - who too shivers, and has to bite down on a ruffle of the blanket to keep his breathing somewhat steady. A chill envelops his entire body as Lukas pushes deeper, deeper, deeper into him, until it hurts, and then still further. He grits his teeth against the fine fabric of the blanket clenched in his paws and muzzle and breathes in deep - but shuddering and uneven - breaths; it's amazing what one simple action can do to him. Lukas's chest is there to keep his tail lifted when he releases the effort from it, and his sharp claws dig into the flesh of his hips and upper thighs. He grunts and tries to slightly readjust his position - but the thick meat buried inside him makes him grunt and saps all the energy from his effort.

Lukas moans again, softer this time: he usually prefers to be the bottom and submissive, but a little part of him always revels in being in command - and, maybe, pushing himself into someone is more pleasurable than he always imagines it to be. That sure seems to be the case this time, as he's having trouble keeping himself upright on the bed - that's why he grips Zeal's sides with such fervency, and to better assist his rhythm when he begins to pull slowly out. Zeal clenches around him once or twice, each time sending another sweet shiver down his spine due to the increased tightness - Lukas continues nonetheless, his cock slickened with Zeal's saliva from before and stretching that otter wider, who keeps his eyes tightly shut and purrs in his throat.

"Mm, Luke..." He pushes back against Lukas and lets out a soft moan when he hilts in him once more.

"Shh, shh, shh..." Lukas leans over Zeal and places a kiss on the side of his neck. "No words. I want sounds - not words - out of you...."

Zeal runs his tongue over his lips and then lets that tongue hang limp out of the side of his muzzle; it lurches forward and back, forward and back with the rest of his body as Lukas begins churning his hips and steadily sliding in and out of him. Time loses meaning to them both: through closed eyes and the sounds of his own moaning and panting, Zeal perceives nothing but this new pendulum motion and Lukas's cock sinking into and then pulling out of him - nothing but that and the indescribably pleasure it brings, the chill that crawls up his spine each time Lukas pushes in, the moan that escapes his lips with each lurch forward.

"Oh God," he purrs, and licks his lips again; behind him, Lukas grunts and repositions his grip on his hips. His rhythm has become faster and his thrusts deeper as his lust grows, and it still increases; he bends his head forward and leans over Zeal, tugging the otter in the direction opposite his pumping hips. His breathing speeds up and turns into a raucous assortment of various gasps, sighs, pants, and moans, and his movements become exaggerated and uneven; Zeal moans again and again as he feels himself grow closer to climax, and he knows by Lukas's breathing and mannerisms that he is, too - only a short while longer before -

Lukas sucks in a deep breath and arches his back, spurting his hot seed again and again inside Zeal - whose claws pierce the blanket he clutches as he drools out a rapturous moan and empties his own cum into the already-stained mattress. "Oh Lukas," he murmurs - and shifts a bit, the warm stickiness already seeping into the fur of his belly. "...Fuck."

"Did I hurt you?" Lukas gingerly licks the neck of the otter beneath him, both of their chests rising and falling in over-exaggerated breathes.

"No, no... not at all. I had fun." Zeal turns his head to the side to look at the otter: he receives a lick on the side of his muzzle, which he returns, and then they share one, two, three, who knows how many deep kisses.

Through the window behind closed curtains in the room, a few birds sing. Lukas slips out of Zeal and lays back down on the bed, one arm up and a gently smile on his muzzle: Zeal smiles back and once more takes his place next to him.

~ ~ ~

Zeal awakens to bright sunlight from half-open curtains and an empty room. He yawns, stretches, and sits up in the bed; the door to the room hangs just slightly open, and outside in the rest of the house, he can hear a soft few sounds - but can't exactly tell what. While he has been in this - in Lukas's - room many times before, he is still unfamiliar with it: he slips out from under the blankets and stretches again next to the bed, then goes over to push the door open the rest of the way and step out into the hallway.

The house is much lighter during the day than it is at night or early morning, and much warmer too; at this time of day, it's perfectly comfortable to walk around without any clothes on. While he walks, he scritches at his belly and just under his tail - which brings up bright, fresh memories about last night - this morning? - and wills his tip to retreat into his sheath.

The house seems empty. Usually, when he wakes up, he can hear the sound of Otto cooking or watching TV or something; today, however, there's silence. At the end of the hall, he stands on his tiptoes and holds his breath: the only sounds remaining are that of the trees swaying in the breeze and maybe some gentle splashing of small waves from the lake out behind the house.

Even if Otto wasn't watching TV, he usually left it on for the ambient white noise - he didn't like how quiet this house got, due to its distance from any major road or town: today, though, it's silent, dead. Lukas isn't really one for watching TV.

Zeal steps into the living room and looks around - he looks at the green curtains and matching sofa on one side of the room; he looks at the television and fireplace, on opposite ends of the room; he looks at the photographs of him and his mate set up on the tables and walls. There's a picture of them near the lake by the house; one of Otto leaning on his plane; one of them both, kissing. Zeal looks at that one for a bit longer than the others - a strange ache stirs in his chest, and he drags the back of his paw over his nose. Not even a full day yet, and -

His ears perk, and he sucks in a gasp. Otto said he'd text or call when the plane took off, and again when it landed - and, when Zeal takes a quick look around the room for his phone, he finds he left it out here while he was sleeping: zero missed calls and zero new texts. Otto hadn't even done so much as try to call to apologize or just to simply check in.

He slumps down on the couch; in the dead screen of the television, a dark grayscale reflection of him stares back. Is Otto okay? Did he get to the airport alright? Did something happen? Should Zeal be as worried as he currently is? How much time has passed since their fight this morning? He looks down at his phone again: right now, it's around eleven in the morning. That means Otto's flight should see be in the air - and that provides some consolation, but not much.

Thoughts of earlier this morning run through his head - the things Lukas said, how his voice sounded, his actions, his movements, everything about him. He was so much like Otto, and yet... somehow still so, so very different. Sometimes, he'd ask himself who he really does love more - but, then, he'd feel bad for wondering such a thing.

The house's air conditioning kicks to life with a gentle rattle above his head, shocking him back to reality; he makes as if to stand, but then is distracted by catching sight of Lukas leaning against the entrance of the living room. Instantly, he feels bad again, and tries to keep it out of his appearance.

Being Lukas, though, the other otter catches that emotion before Zeal can fully hide it and closes around it. "When I left to take a walk, you were asleep - and all smiling and purring in your dreams - but when I get back, something's obviously already bothering you." Those words, paired with Lukas's lack of clothing, elicit less of a shock than they should in Zeal - this house is somewhat separated from the rest of the world by a lush forest on one side and an expansive lake on the other (and, besides, Lukas hardly ever wore clothes anyway). "So. Tell me - what's wrong?"

Zeal shifts uncomfortably. "I... I'm worried about Otto." Still technically true; and, now that he says it, that feeling crawls back into his heart. "He said he'd let me know when he got on the plane, and... I have no calls or texts from him. I'm worried something happened."

"I'm sure nothing happened. His plane probably just got delayed or something, is all." Lukas sinks down onto the couch next to him and puts his arm around him; Zeal sighs and leans on him. "That happens a lot. It's going to rain soon or something, right? That might be what's going on. If... if you're really worried, though, maybe you should send him a quick text or something."

"I don't want to bother him."

"Do you want to know if he's okay?"

...Fuck. Lukas always does this. "Well, yes."

"Which do you want more?"

Zeal directs his eyes to a spot on the floor that suddenly became indescribably interesting. "I want to know if he's alright. And... and I want him to know that I'm sorry."

That seems to catch Lukas off-guard. He sits there for a moment, gaze distant and unfocused, and then seems to become aware of the current conversation again. "What? Sorry? For what? You didn't do anything."

He shrugs. "Not being good enough."

Lukas is silent for another moment, and then removes his arm from around Zeal. "Okay. That's enough. Zeal, every time you two fight, you always end up on the losing side - and, usually, it's because you put yourself there. After all this time of dealing with you two, I've found out that he can do whatever he wants because you let him, and that your self-esteem and self-worth and all that are all next to nonexistent. In this relationship, you both are bad mates... I mean, yeah, I've really got no place to talk, but still. All this time, I thought it was him - because he's always going out and fucking around and who knows what all else - but now, I can see it's both of you: him because of that, and you because you let him. It tears you apart on the inside and absolutely destroys you, but you won't show that to him because of this insane notion of yours that the only person who matters in a relationship is the one who's not you. Well, you know what, Zeal? I'm a bad mate too. I've lied, I've cheated, I've broken promises - everything. The difference between me and Otto, though, is that I know and can tell when I've messed up or done something wrong and hurt whoever I'm with, even if they try - wrongly - to hide it; and the difference between me and you is that I've realized my own heart matters, too. IF everyone were to care only about the other in a relationship, everything would be fine - however, that's not what it's like, and it never will be. Relationships are about compromises: if you throw that out, it's nothing but mindless obsession or selfish narcissism. Now, tell me: have you ever noticed that I'm a whole lot happier than either of you?"

Zeal wipes at his eyes. He keeps his gaze fixed on that spot on the floor, but still hears every word Lukas says. "I sure as hell have felt that way before... yeah."

"Have you ever wondered why that is?"

Silence.

"Have you?"

"No. I always just thought you're naturally happier than me." He sighs again. "...I'm never happy anymore."

"I don't let others steer my life in whatever direction they want. I don't allow my heart to be torn out and then stomped on. I know I'm not very forceful or dominant at all when it comes to relationships and love - but I also know when enough is enough. How long have you two been together?"

"On and off, about... a few years."

Lukas breathes in - and then breathes out. "I'd be emotionally dead if I was you. Are you happy with your life right now?"

"I told you. I'm never happy anymore."

"That may be partially true, but it's not the complete truth. You sure seemed happy last night when I was -"

"-Yes. Okay. Fine. I... he makes me happy." Zeal swallows. "It's just... his voice, his face, his eyes, his laugh, his scent, his warmth, the feeling of him touching me, his kisses, his hugs, his everything... all of that makes me happy. When I'm with him, and he's happy, I feel like we're the only two people in the world. I feel like we're meant to be together - I know we are - and that every moment with him should last forever, because... because I love it that much. I love him that much. Lukas, he's the reason I live - life would be nothing without him. I need him to be happy - he is my happiness."

"With the way your relationship is going, he can leave whenever he wants." Lukas lowers his voice and waits for Zeal to meet his eyes. "Zeal, dear... there's nothing binding him to you. What you two have is basically null as is: you've given him no reason to stay. You've given him no reason to care about you. You've given him no motivation to stay."

"He's happy -"

"But you're not!" Outside, the trees sway again and the waves continue to whisper softly; the air conditioning clicks off and turns the house back over to silence. "Zeal, I don't think you understand... you need him to be happy. Right?"

"Yes."

"And you're never happy anymore."

"I'm happy when he's with me - when he's happy."

"And if he leaves, you will...?"

"I dunno." Zeal turns his arms over and looks down; his scars shimmer in the light from the window. "We'll see, I guess."

"If you don't do anything about this, Otto will leave you. I can see that, even now - as the way things are going, it's gonna happen soon. Do you want that?"

"No..."

"Then do something about it."

"No." Zeal swallows and keeps his eyes averted. He sniffles, and once more runs his paw under his nose. "He... he's happy. And, if he's h-happy, then... then I'm..."

He never completes that sentence: instead, he drops his face into his paws and sobs quietly. Lukas pats his back, and then gets up and leaves.

He can't believe Lukas sometimes. Who is he to criticize Zeal's relationship with Otto? Lukas has messed up every relationship he's been in. He's made it abundantly clear that he doesn't know right from wrong as much as he claims to, and he can go shove his misguided false perfection somewhere else since Zeal and Otto are doing just fine and he has absolutely no room to say anything at all about the happiness of either of them and oh dear God he's right.

Zeal looks down, through bleary and cloudy as, at the rows upon rows of silver-pink cut into his forearms. Like he doesn't feel enough pain as is. Otto knows about these scars - and he also knows about the invisible scars that mar Zeal's heart and soul, the cuts and gashes that truly can never fade or fully heal - but, does he ever do anything about them? Does he ever show his concern or ask what's wrong, with genuine worry underneath his voice?

...Does he even feel concern or worry? It's so hard to tell sometimes. Yes, Zeal can recall times when it seemed Otto got down - but were those times for himself or anyone else? Is it possible for Otto to even feel emotions for others?

Yes. Of course it is. He's not that bad - he's not anywhere near that bad. All of this is just Lukas, injecting hostile and paranoid thoughts into his head that really hold next to no truth. Zeal really is happy with Otto. He really is. Of course there are times and occasions, though, when they fight or disagree or anything else of that nature - that's a part of all relationships. No relationship is perfect, and that just reinforces that point.

It would be so, so easy to call him and check to see if everything's okay - all he'd have to do is hit the speed dial 2 and put it to his ear. That's it. His thumb hovers over the key, not even half a centimeter away: he doesn't want to bother Otto, though. That part of what he said was true. He doesn't want to interrupt whatever it is he might currently be doing, or barge into some of his needed quiet alone time, or crash his plane or something because he forgot to turn off his phone at the start of the flight. In his thoughts and worries, Zeal doesn't realize that he pressed the key and his phone started dialing until he hears the gentle ringing and glances down: on the screen is the picture he took of Otto when he first got this phone, and that brings back all sorts of thoughts and memories, some of which he'd rather not recall.

What if he's still mad at me? What if he doesn't want to talk to me? These thoughts begin to fill his head and replace the good ones as the other end continues to ring. What if he doesn't pick up? What if he's ignoring me right now? I don't think I could -

"Hello?"

Zeal wipes his nose and sucks in a breath, trying to regulate his voice; despite his attempts, though, he still has to choke back a few gentle sobs before he trusts himself with speaking. "H... hi..."

"Zeal." Short pause. What could Otto be doing right now?" "What do you want?"

"I just... I just want to apologize." He looks over his shoulder, at the entrance to the living room; Lukas has disappeared. Knowing him, though, he could just be waiting behind the corner to bore into him about this later.

"Apologize? What makes you think I want to hear your apology?"

This isn't like him. This isn't like him at all. "Otto... I feel terrible for earlier today. I got in your way, and I said some things I really shouldn't have, and... I'm sorry for that."

More silence, maybe spent in reflection or thought. "It's not your fault. Not all of it, at least."

"I know you've had a lot on your mind since deciding on this whole school thing - I know that. I can tell that lots of things have been weighing you down, and I've been trying to help you with that, but... I just feel like I'm not good enough."

"Zeal - "

"There are more important things in your life than me, and you can't get to those things if I'm always in your way trying to help - when, really, I'm just making things worse." He pauses to think about what it is he's going to say next... but, no matter how he tries to word it, it comes out the same way: "You'd be better off without me."

"Zeal - don't say that." Something that sounds a bit like anger or impatience rings in Otto's voice. Zeal rubs at his eyes. "How many times do I have to tell you that? You really do mean a lot to me - I'm sorry for yelling this morning. I've just been really stressed out and bogged down and busy, and... you have been helping ,e. You really have. I really enjoy the time we spend together, whether it's curled up under the covers at night, or relaxing on the couch in front of a movie, or taking a swim in the lake - whatever. I enjoy being with you, and I love you."

All of what Otto just said should have fixed everything and made Zeal feel better - and, in any other situation, it would have. However, the things that Lukas ventured to say about their relationships tick bright and fresh in his mind, and no matter what, he just can't shake those fiery words. As Otto continues with what he surely believes will redeem himself, Zeal feels no better about their fight and instead feels his mood and patience steadily drop with each word said in that familiar, usually-soothing voice. He clenches his paw on his leg, and sniffles. "You know, Otto, it's really hard to believe that sometimes."

This time, the silence seems stunned and unexpected. "...What?"

"I said, it's really hard sometimes to believe that you love me."

"Zeal, you know I..."

"Do you think I enjoy listening to your stories about how you saw this ex this day and then fucked him the next? You think it makes me feel better about myself - and my already so-low self-esteem and prevailing depression - to know that you're always going behind my back, sometimes without even telling me, and messing with other people?" Oh God. It feels so good to let this all out to someone other than Lukas - to let Otto know how he really, honestly feels. Yes, there's a bit of rational guilt underneath it all, but that petty warning is buried by the rush of everything else.

"Zeal, dear, I've told you before, I -"

"You know when you went to the store three days ago, and left your phone here?"

"...Yeah, so?"

"Well, I was watching TV, and you got a text - from one of your exes who you've... done things with before. He asked when you were 'going to send more pictures'. Can you explain that?"

"You don't understand - it was for -"

"So, being the usual paranoid me, I looked through your pictures and older messages... and found page upon page of nude pictures of you that you had sent to at least three other people! You know what that tells me, when you promised to devote to me and be only mine?"

Silence.

"It tells me that you're a shallow whore who can't keep a promise that everyone else who has ever been in a relationship most likely can. It tells me that maybe - just maybe - Lukas is right when he says I deserve better than you. Maybe he's right when he says you're the reason I'm never happy anymore. Maybe he's right when -"

"Stop!"

Zeal blinks, startled at the shout in his ear.

"Just, please... stop." On the other end of the line, Otto swallows. "Zeal... I'm not lying. I know how much it seems I am, though - I know I'm not the best mate the world has to offer. I'm sorry fate decided to have you fall in love with me, and I'm sorry it also decided for me to fall in love with you - as, apparently, it's such a horrible occurrence on your part. That's the way things are, though; and who are we to change it?"

"Your argument would hold more ground if it was at all relevant."

"I'm... please, Zeal. I'm begging you. For once, just listen to me, please. I don't mean to hurt you - honestly, I don't. It's just that... with everything going on, I need more time to unravel and relax, and you're not always there."

Zeal chokes back a curse. "Otto, I am your mate. Of course I'm always here. You... you know that if you ever need anything and we're apart, you can just send me a quick text or call and I'll do everything I can to make it better. Because..." He pauses. and closes his eyes. "Because I love you. I really shouldn't, but I do, and... who am I to change that?"

"Zeal... I know. That means a lot. You're one of the few people who I feel actually care about me and my life, and... you'd be amazed how much of a difference that makes. I... I really don't deserve you."

Zeal wants to squeeze in a venomous 'yeah, you don't', but keeps that to himself. That would only make things much, much worse than they already are. Instead, he gathers himself and breathes an almost-inaudible "I love you."

"I'm sorry I yelled this morning and slammed the door on you. I'm sorry for those pictures and those messages. I'm sorry for everything that I've ever done, and I'm sorry in advance for everything that I ever will do. I -"

"Promise me something."

"Yes?"

Zeal stands and looks out the window, heart beating strong in his chest. He breathes in, and breathes out, and breathes in, and breathes out. "Promise me that you won't do any of that ever again. Promise me you'll actually try to keep yourself in line so Lukas and I won't have to. Promise me that you'll actually stay loyal to me for once, and promise me that we can actually be truly happy - with no hidden regrets or inhibitions. And..." He swallows. "Promise me you will hold to your promise. If you don't, there's nothing more holding me to you: I'll feel that whatever we might have had will have long since faded, and I'll leave - never to turn back."

Otto remains quiet for such a long time that he has to check his phone at two different points in time to be sure that the call hadn't been dropped or something. "Alright," he finally says, voice low and soft. "I understand. I know I've messed up a whole fucking lot more than I'm entitled to, and I'm willing to accept the consequences for the past. If that's the price for it happening again, so be it. I love you. I love you, Zeal, more than I could ever hope to put into words, and I'll do anything to keep you in my life."

Sigh. Zeal looks to the television, and once more sees a reflection of himself. "That's not the first time you've said that."

"I know. I know. I'm sorry. It's just that things change - I'm sorry, hon, I really am. If you could just give me one more chance..."

"One more. Really, Otto, you've had more than enough already." Zeal shifts the phone to his other ear, and rests his now-free elbow on the armrest of the couch. "One more - that's it."

"Thank you. Thank you so much, dear - I'll try this time. Really, I will. Anyway, I have to go: the plane was delayed a bit due to the weather, and just now started boarding. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, Zeal - don't you ever doubt that, alright? Now, I really have to go. See you later."

That went much, much better than he had expected: never before did he think that he could actually get his mate to listen to him and do what Zeal wanted instead of what Otto wanted. It was empowering, and glorious, and infuriating, and... somewhat frightening. That wasn't really something that he enjoyed, and certainly not something he'd have to do again - hopefully, he wouldn't.

The screen of his phone remains lit for a few moments, and then turns to black. Maybe - just maybe - Otto would actually listen to him this time. Today's wasn't the first of Lukas's talks; by far, no. If the things he said today were true - about Otto being distant and not bound to him, about them both being bad mates - then how much else of what he's said in the past will also turn out to be true? Nobody can be perfect - Lukas has been wrong lots of times. Besides, perfection is just an opinion, something that varies wildly between each and every person.

Otto may not be perfect either. But, he's getting there; he's close enough.

Zeal stands and stretches his arms over his head - even with that conversation now behind him, he can't help but worry still. Otto has lied to him before... but, then again, so has Lukas, and everyone else he has ever known ever. He's going to be gone for such a long time, too; this whole college thing is, as he himself said, 'a new chapter in his life'. And, as he also said, things change. Maybe this is the phase of their relationship where they begin to grow apart until there's nothing remaining, and then Otto comes home who-knows-how-much-time later to an empty house.

...Maybe. Probably not. Not if Zeal could do anything about it, and as far as he knew, there are lots of things he can do.

He forms and builds the supports for one of these ideas as he begins to look around the house for Lukas. It would be much, much easier to know that Otto will keep to his word and what he said he'd do if Zeal was to be there with him: but, how would he do that with this physical distance between them?

Maybe life isn't as bad as he's experienced it so far to be. Maybe, he's never happy simply because he never seizes the opportunities given to him by life to be happy. Lukas is happy pretty much all the time; Otto is, too - maybe for all the wrong reasons, every once in a while - but, still. Zeal used to think that he couldn't be happy, that life just simply favored everybody else who wasn't him; now, though, after that short conversation with his mate, it's obvious to him that happiness isn't something that just comes on its own. It's something that he has to work for, something that can come only from his own actions and nothing else. Is it really worth it, though? Should he really have to slave through so much just to be able to feel one of the main necessities of life and existence?

Well, he says to himself, if it means I can be with Otto, I'm willing to do anything.

"Lukas." Zeal leans in around the threshold of the other otter's room; inside, the curtains are drawn closed once more, and Lukas looks up from the phone illuminating his face.

"Yeah?"

"I spoke to Otto."

"Oh?" He taps a few more things into his phone, then closes it and tosses it behind him onto the bed. "How'd that go? You alright?"

"Yeah. Yeah, it went fine. It went well." Zeal plays the conversation over in his head. Was he a little too harsh? "He apologized, and... promised some things to me. I sounded a bit like you when you get mad sometimes... but, anyway."

"I'm glad you at least managed to talk some sense into him; that's something I've never been able to do." Lukas's phone vibrates, and he reaches back and grabs it. "Is that all you came in here to tell me?"

"Well... no, there... there's something else, but I'm not sure how you'll respond." Maybe Zeal should have thought this out better before relaying it to Lukas; just now, all of the little fragments are stringing together. He swallows, and looks into those radiant turquoise eyes that seem to generate light of their own. "I'm going to visit him. Gonna fly out - tomorrow, maybe - and visit him."

"Do you have enough money?"

"Yes. I keep some saved up for special situations and circumstances... I figure this is one of them."

Lukas stifles a yawn - maybe he's in here because he was planning to take a nap. It seems that all he ever does is sleep. "Couldn't you have just gone with him?"

"Do you forget what happened between us when he left? I'm sure he would've rather thrown me out the window than talk to me."

Lukas is quiet for a moment, in thought; then, he lays down on the bed with his arms under his head and closes his eyes. "Yeah, you're probably right. Well, if you have your mind set on this, and you're sure... then I can't really keep you from it, can I?"

"Alright. You're okay with this, right?"

"Yeah, of course." Lukas turns his head to face him, and lets loose a jaw-cracking yawn. "I'm really glad that you two managed to settle this thing - on your own - as that's a sign that your relationship may finally be getting better. And..." He flattens a rebellious tuft of his bellyfur. "...and that means as much to me as it does you. Believe me."

Lukas's words hold raw truth - and nothing else. Zeal now knows that. All those days in the past, when he had thought he was just saying those things to get him to stop complaining, he now knew were actually said in honesty and truth. He couldn't say what it was that led him to know this, or when it was: none of that matters now, though. He walks back down the hall with a smile on his face and a new feeling in his heart - the same feeling he gets whenever Otto says a few certain somethings to him or does something that makes that little thing in his brain click.

The breeze through the treetops outside the windows whispers to him that life really isn't as bad as he once thought it to be. It's all just a matter of how he looks at it.

~ ~ ~

It's all a lot more real the next morning, though, when he awakens in Lukas's arms and looks out beyond the open door to his packed bags resting against the wall of the hallway. This really is happening, he tells himself while pulling a pair of pants up his legs; I'm really leaving. How long will I be gone? A day? A week? A month? Can I trust Lukas with the house? He did once light the microwave on fire trying to make hot chocolate one time. Maybe Zeal should stay home after all, just to keep an eye on things...

No. He straightens up from kneeling down over his bags. So he's a bit nervous - there's nothing wrong with that. He shouldn't go around fabricating excuses to keep him from doing anything; that was a thing of the past. Lukas can handle himself just fine if he wants to.

...Can Zeal do the same?

This is the sort of thought that consumes his mind while he finishes getting ready and goes back in to say goodbye to Lukas, who is still mostly asleep. All of this time, Zeal has had either Otto, Lukas, or both to stand with him and guide him through whatever may have happened. Would he have been able to make the same choices and decisions on his own?

Of course I could, he tells himself. It was my choice, my decision to fly out to visit Otto, with neither of them saying anything about it beforehand - Lukas said it was a good idea, and Otto doesn't even know. I wonder how happy he'll be, how surprised...

He has to put his bags down at the door to open it: when he does, a wall of cold, moist air rushes to greet him, and he looks up to see the sky consumed by heavy grey clouds. What if his plane gets delayed, too? What if it gets cancelled? No, no, that won't happen - it's just overcast right now. The storm will come when it comes, if it hadn't already passed through here while he slept.

If anything else comes up to prevent him from this, he'll deal with them each individually. For now, he has enough to worry about. He's always had enough to worry about.

He brushes some fallen leaves off the trunk of his car before he throws in his bags and climbs into the driver's seat; suddenly, it enters his mind how lonely this is, to go somewhere with nobody else in the car. That almost never happens. He takes the time to tune the radio to his favorite station, waits for the heater to warm up, rights his mirrors, and adjusts the seat (just for the sake of doing something else, as Otto has his own car and Lukas doesn't drive).

Maybe this is why that otter is so happy all the time: he doesn't let too many things bother him, and he takes his time with the things that do bother him. Zeal watches the trees out of the corners of his eyes, as they sway with what half-asleep lethargic energy the winds push through them. This was one of the reasons that led him and Otto to pick this house out of all their other choices: its surroundings are so beautiful. Even on such a grey day like this, the lake holds more than a slight hint of its charismatic turquoise-green dye in the rear-view mirror. That makes Zeal smile softly to himself. That, combined with the leaves painted in the essence of fire against the monotone sky captures his attention and leads his thoughts off into romantic fantasies; the bump of when he strays off the road a bit brings him back to reality. From the pictures Otto showed him of the campus, the school he's attending is beautiful. What will that be like?

Unfortunately, though, this pleasant secluded isolation comes to an end; when the road leading to their house meets back up with another main road, he has to pull his mind out of all distractions and focus on getting to the airport. There are just too many people in the world: too many people, too much noise, too much crowded clutter. That's why he doesn't like going out often, why he enjoys staying at home. Lukas, for one, is afraid of large crowds and loud noises, which seem to be what all life outside their house is composed of; and Otto just doesn't seem to be afraid of much of anything.

Otto... he goes through memories of that sweet otter as he drives. Zeal really does love him, and Otto really does love him back. He just forgets that he loves him sometimes, is all. There's no malice to be found in Otto's heart: there never has been, and both Zeal and Lukas know. All that he does is mess up, and admittedly, that certainly is something that could be better; still, though, Zeal doesn't regret falling in love with him. That's one of - if not the - best parts of his life. And, now, Otto knows that: maybe the reason he yielded this time is that he finally figured that out. Sure took him long enough, but he still figured it out on his own.

Zeal sighs and shifts in his seat, slowing to a stop at a red light. He doesn't understand love: every time he figures something about it out, or thinks he does, there are always more things he doesn't know to take that one's place. Lukas claims to know love and have it figured out, like one of those infernal metal Japanese puzzles he has around his room - but, really, he only knows as much as Otto or Zeal.

It's just one of those things.

~ ~ ~

The airport is still extremely busy, even on a day with such weather as this: it started raining a while ago, but the rain that does fall is only light and not much more than a drizzle. Airports always make Zeal sad and a bit uncomfortable, and the rain strengthens those feelings: in the past, he always came to these places whenever he was moving somewhere far away, never to return, where there are nothing other than strange voices, strange faces, strange smells, strange places, strange everythings. This won't be that bad, he keeps telling himself. I know Otto, and a few of his friends. This won't be so bad at all.

Someone bumps into him, and he stumbles - and then bumps into someone else. His plane boards in ten minutes, and he can't find where it is he's supposed to be, and he's tripping all over himself and everyone else, and he might have lost his boarding pass and his stomach hurts and he's nervous and maybe this is going to be as bad as all the situations and scenarios that have been churning through his head for the past thirty minutes.

...But probably not, right? It's easy to be optimistic, but so, so hard to believe that optimism. How in Hell do those two do it...?

He sees his gate number on a sign hanging from the ceiling, and breathes out a gentle sigh of relief; there are no seats open in the waiting area, though, and lots of people are standing. Looks like the plane is going to be full - more than full, if such a thing is possible. Through the large thick glass windows, grey sky over grey concrete and empty trees all watch him with apathetic disinterest; the rain continues to fall, lightly pattering against the glass and ground outside. Hopefully, when and where he lands, it'll be a bit less gloomy. That would be nice.

There's an open space near a pillar between two rows of seats - he pulls himself over there and rests against it. Something from his back pocket scrapes up against the fur of his lower back beneath his shirt... his boarding pass. So he hadn't lost it, after all. That's good. Perhaps, everything else will fall in line and go as planned. That, too, would be nice. Very unlikely, but still nice.

Minutes pass; the rain continues to fall; strange legions of people continue to mull along and go by; all the soft voices continue to talk and chatter. Zeal reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone: one new text message. That's interesting - Otto should be settled in by now. Maybe it's him.

"I hope your trip is safe, and you have fun with your mate. Don't be afraid to let me know if you need anything, alright? I should be here. Love you - Lukas."

Okay. It wasn't Otto, but it was just about as good.

~ ~ ~

"...Where did you say you'd be staying? ...Oh, is that right? No, I - yeah, just wondering. Oh, calm down, you'll see. Yeah. I love you too."

Zeal presses the 'end call' button on his phone and sets it down on his leg. He glances to his left, and then to his right, and then to his left again - this city is so strange and unfamiliar in how its roads are laid out, and even more so with this rental car that he's also unaccustomed to. If he just drives around for long enough, he's certain he'll eventually figure out where he is and where he's going. It's not like he's able to ask for directions from Otto.

When he first landed, he got something to eat at one of the stands around the airport, went to the bathroom, and then gave Lukas a call. Lukas said good luck, Zeal said thanks, Lukas gave him directions (which Zeal wrote down on a scrap of paper), and they exchanged 'I love you's and 'I'll miss you's and a few other things, always components of their conversations. Beneath all of this unease and unfamiliarity, all of this nervousness, the presences of hope and sweet impatience glow gently. I want to be there now, I want to see Otto now. Why must time pass so slowly?

The weather here is just as he had wished it to be: warm and somewhat clear, with what leaves that are still on the trees so much more colorful than the ones back home - which were pretty damn colorful, to start with. White and light grey clouds speckle the sky, with more than enough space between each patch to allow for sunlight and pastoral blue sky to shine through. Why can't it be like this all the time?

Finally, as he pulls to another red light, he notices that this is one of the streets in the directions Lukas gave him; he fishes the scrap of paper out of his pocket and looks over it, memorizing the streets and directions that he has to go to get there. His favorite song just so happens to come on the radio, too.

Will this day ever stop looking up? He almost feels as though this is Fate telling him that he's doing the right thing.

~ ~ ~

So. This is it. Zeal stands now at Otto's door, heart beating a bit uneasily, nervous yet also excited. All he has to do is reach forward and knock - but what if Otto isn't here right now? What if he's busy? What if all that he said on the phone was a lie, and he was never at all planning or wanting to come home and see Zeal again?

What if, what if, what if-?

Zeal tries to put himself into Lukas's mindset, or at least an optimistic one: I'll never know unless - until - I knock. If Otto visited me when I wasn't expecting it, I'd sure as hell be happy. He wasn't lying to me. He's not heartless; maybe a bit misguided, maybe a bit ADD, but he's not bad. I love him, and he loves me. He really loves me.

Zeal knocks three times and waits. A gentle breeze runs through the trees and ruffles his fur; he looks back behind himself, around at the courtyard of the campus. Such a pretty place. He can see why his mate chose to go here.

The door opens: there stands Otto, half-dressed, a surprised smile on his face mirrored by his raised ears and eyebrows. "Zeal? What are you doing here?"

"I just thought I'd drop in and pay you a visit, surprise the man I love with all my heart and everything I ha-" He is cut off by Otto throwing his arms around his neck and pulling him in for a deep kiss; only a day or so has passed, but oh God, how much he has missed those lips.

"I'm so excited to see you!" Otto drops his arms to around Zeal's waist and holds him there. His eyes glimmer in the just-after-noon sun. "I was going to call you once I had gotten unpacked and everything, but then I got distracted by orientation and introductions and the first few lectures and classes and assignments and homework and grr. This is exactly what I need: some time alone with my sweet mate, to unwind and relax, take a break from everything. Here - come in. How long you staying?"

"I dunno. However long I want, I guess. If that's okay with you, I mean."

Otto keeps an arm around Zeal's waist, and closes the door behind him; inside, it's pleasantly warm, enough so that the latter can see why his mate isn't wearing a shirt right now. Not that he's one to complain about it. "Of course, hon - don't worry about that. Why didn't you tell me you were flying out? I would've driven over to get you, and prepared a nice dinner, maybe would've gotten a movie or two..."

"I wanted this to be a surprise!"

Otto sits on the couch further in the room and pats next to him; Zeal takes a seat there, and rests his head on his mate's shoulder - who puts his arm back around him and intertwines their paws. "Well, either way," he purrs softly, nuzzling the fur of Zeal's head, "again, I'm glad you're here. School has hardly started and I'm already stressed out of my mind."

"Aw." Zeal lifts his head and kisses him again; Otto smiles and squeezes his paw. "Wanna tell me about it?"

"Well, we already have a whole bunch of essays and projects to start, and I can't tell whether I'm doing things right or wrong unless I'm told, and my sleep schedule is all messed up because of the time difference between here and home and how early I have to get up for my first class, and I haven't been sleeping well at all since I can't sleep unless there's someone next to me or in my arms, and I just can't make myself do that with anybody here since I love you and I want you and just you and and and -" He huffs and flops back onto the couch. Zeal giggles softly and traces a finger up Otto's chin, smiling when his claw runs over that one certain spot that makes him shiver.

"Just take things easy, sweetie. Focus on one thing at a time so you can get that one thing done. Then, you can work on other things; get into the habit of working at a certain time each day so you'll feel more inclined to work when that time comes around."

Otto looks at the other otter. "Where'd all that come from?"

Zeal shrugs. That was something he had just said off the top of his head. "I dunno. I think Lukas told me that - because he writes a lot. You know. Besides, it makes sense to me."

"Yeah. Anyway, thanks, hon. Right now, I'm willing to accept all the help I can get with anything and everything."

"Is there anything in particular you need help with? I'm willing to assist you, dear."

Otto thinks about that question for a moment, and then smiles to himself. "Well, there's one thing - in the bedroom. Would you follow me, please?"

Zeal trails behind him, down the hall and into the bedroom; Otto closes the door behind them and flicks on the light. Then, suddenly, he turns back around and pins Zeal to the wall, who blushes hotly and wiggles a little.

"You know, I would've called you up after a while, anyway..." purrs Otto, and dives in for a string of thick kisses. "You know I can't live without you for very long at all."

"Oh, really?" Zeal licks his lips; Otto's eyes shine with lustful want, and that same rich sweetness reverberates in the crawling of his paw up Zeal's thigh.

"Mhmm. I dreamt about you last night, and I just kinda knew I'd see you soon. That's why I made sure not to make any plans today -" His paw comes to a stop on Zeal's crotch, and he presses in none too gently. "- because I knew I'd be busy with you."

Zeal begins to form a response to that, but all of his thought processes are cut short when Otto pulls him in for another kiss, which leads to another,and another, and another - and soon, Otto has one paw down his mate's pants and his undoing his fly with his other. Neither of them particularly care how this turn of events came to happen: all that matters is that it did happen, and Zeal is now quite glad that he did choose to come out and visit.

Otto tugs Zeal's pants down, and then looks up. "Eager, now, aren't we? You're already rock-hard, baby."

"Only because you're sexy as fuck and you turn me on like nothing else." Zeal presses his paw down on the back of Otto's head and closes his eyes. Oh, god.

Otto massages the base of Zeal's cock and his sheath between a forefinger and thumb while gently lapping at his tip. Zeal isn't the only person he has done this with (of course not), but he is - by far - the best; and, now that he's made his promise, he'll get nobody other than Zeal. Not that that's too much of a problem: nobody here is really all that attractive, anyway. And, besides, now that his mate is here for an indefinite amount of time, how could he even so much as look at someone else?

One thing that he loves about Zeal is the rich, fiery passion in his love - he hadn't gotten that with anyone else, despite whether he had pursued a relationship with them or not. With Zeal, though, he could always feel it - and in more than one or two places, too. He can remember nights where he could hardly stand up the next morning, times when his shivers wouldn't go away for a good hour or so and his heartbeat didn't return to normal for the same amount of time.

And, he knew the things he could do to Zeal. That was part of it as well.

He runs his tongue up over the underside of Zeal's cock, and relishes the response he gets: that gentle gasp and twitch of his ears, how his muscles all clench and then release. Otto slips a paw down and feels himself through his tight pants - he squeezes his own hard length and exhales over Zeal's tip before leaning back in for another set of slow licks. Oh, God, Zeal.

"Otto -" Zeal suppresses a moan and whines softly. He has never been turned on quite as much as he is right now - and with so little to go off, too, compared to some other times.

"Yes, baby?" Otto looks up once more, stroking Zeal's length in his paw. On his tongue is the taste of his tangy musk and pre, something that he's tasted a lot more of in times before.

Zeal meets those eyes, and is struck silent for a quick moment. "I..." He moans again. "I want you to fuck me, hon."

"Patience, sweetie." Otto plants a kiss on Zeal's drooling tip, and makes sure to slip some passionate tongue in like all of his other kisses. "Now, how about you hop up on the bed right there? Then, I can really get to work..."

Zeal can remember their first few times in the bedroom: he used to be awkward and nervous due to his inherent shyness, but he'd quickly lose that once they got into it. Now, there is no more of that: there's nothing standing between them and the rapturous peak of euphoria that they so strive for. Zeal sits on the edge of the bed and spreads his legs; Otto kneels down before him and closes his mouth around the tip of his cock. One of his favorite sounds in the world is that of his mate moaning - and he gets a lot of that as he descends on Zeal's meat with his tongue wrapped around it and then comes back up again and again and again. Even with his closed eyes, Otto can still pick out all of Zeal's movements: now he arches his back, now he grits his teeth and fails at suppressing another moan, now his claws scraped against the bases of Otto's ears...

I can control you, he thinks, and pulls up off of his mate's cock; at some point in time just now, his pants had found their way off of his legs and now rest on the floor on the other side of the room. He gets up on the bed and strokes himself slowly, a purr rumbling in his throat. "You ready?"

Zeal, panting softly, gets onto his paws and knees and lifts his tail; he's still shivering all over from the sweet caresses of Otto's skilled tongue. He loves when Otto tells him what to do; sometimes he gets so forceful that it actually frightens him a little and makes him wonder if he really did do something wrong and needed to be punished for that - but, that was the fun of it. This was not one of those times, but it sure does feel like one, with his quickened heartbeat and raucous breathing, and the knowledge that his mate right now is as horny as all fuck and will do everything to Zeal to make sure that he gets off.

That was part of the fun, too.

Otto licks his fingers and rubs them around the rim of Zeal's tailhole, pressing in with a slickened middle finger. "You know what I'm going to do to you?" he murmurs, sliding his finger in steadily further. Zeal groans softly and clenches his paws. "I'm going to fuck you raw, babe. Right now, you're mine - and I'll make sure you won't be able to move from this bed for a good day or so."

Zeal pulls in a shuddering breath and then lets it out. "Please," he moans. "I'm yours."

"That's right, you're mine." Otto presses his finger in the rest of the way and wiggles it a little, which pulls another dripping groan from his mate. "You're my bitch - and nothing but."

Zeal struggles for words in the senseless muck in his mind that tries to form thoughts. He wants to be fucked now - he needs to be fucked now, by Otto's thick cock. If only he could find the way to put that wish into words...

...but, somehow, Otto seems to understand, as he slips his finger out and presses his tip, moist with pre, against where it was. It was probably the noises that Zeal is only somewhat aware of making that gave it away.

Sometimes, when Otto gets into it, he seems to lose himself: he would close his eyes and grit his teeth, and all his movements and everything else would lose their inhibitions and become fierce and primal and relentless, and it was absolutely fantastic. Zeal can tell that this is going to be one of those animalistic and heavy occasions, with pure lust dripping like molten wax off of each breath and gasp and every swallow, every push, every pull, every groan and moan and sigh and buck.

Otto braces his paws on Zeal's hips and presses in; his unlubricated cock pushes in an inch and a half or so and instantly brings to Zeal's mind memories of Lukas sinking into him like this - but, oh dear God, this is so, so much more. Otto pushes right past the fact that there is nothing to aid him other than the saliva from his finger, and it hurts Zeal. It's a good kind of pain, though, the kind that makes every muscle in his body tense and his eyes roll back, the kind of pain that Lukas talks about whenever he has his neck bitten into. He has scars on either side of his neck from when Zeal and Otto both had chosen to team up on him - but, that was a different matter than the one currently at hand.

There are no more memories in Zeal's head - no thoughts, either. Right now, there's absolutely nothing, and he's sure the same goes for Otto, based on his complete and total disregard for anything and everything other than his meat as it sinks into Zeal's depths - he knocks over his clock on the nightstand with his flicking tail and doesn't seem to notice. Zeal readjust many times as that cock slides into him, stretching him further with each passing second: he spreads his legs further apart, then lifts his tail, then moves it off to one side - and then the other. Then he drops his head to the bed, unclenches his paws, clenches them again, unclenches, clenches. Otto has the stamina and perseverance of a thoroughbred stallion - and, in a bit of an exaggeration, the cock of one, too.

...Okay, maybe that last part was a bit unrealistic.

The pain quickly melts into the sweet, rich pleasure so familiar to him, and Zeal lets the passion of the sex guide him in his noises and motions. This, right here, right now, is the highest expression of love and trust between two people that is possible - that was something his mom had told him when he was little. Oh, Ma would be horrified to see him now, with Otto bent over him and a good seven and a half inches or so inside him.

He would rather be doing nothing else than what he is right now: for this is the epitome of his fantasies, the peak of his lustful wants - and Otto shares in that want, too. That much is obvious in the vivacity and urgency of his working hips and the hot breaths from his open muzzle. With Zeal here now, he'll probably get even less sleep than he was before his mate arrived.

Otto grunts and pushes into Zeal again, who lurches with the motion and presses back against him. He can feel Otto twitch and clench inside him, and he can tell when he begins to lose himself in the raw heat of the moment and turns himself over to the controlling hands of Lust; Zeal had given himself up long ago. From when he was pinned to the wall earlier - well, really, long before that - he had given his body and heart to Otto to use however he very well please - and he never wastes that privilege.

Otto bends over Zeal again and bites into his shoulder, pistoning in and out, in and out of him with fervent want; he wraps one arm around his mate's body and squeezes the base of his cock with the other, the fur of his thumb near Zeal's tip liberally moistened with musky tang. Zeal can't form words: his throat is only capable of making unintelligible groans and grunts and moans and other noises to that effect, to signal how close he is to spewing himself all over the top blanket of the bed - and all the whines and yips and uffs in his ear show the same for Otto.

Oh God. Time seems to slow down, or speed up, or stand still, or something. Zeal clenches around Otto and sucks in a sharp gasp, and Otto straightens up and pushes as far into him as possible. A wave of the purest bright ecstasy and passion runs through both of their bodies, and Otto shoots out his thick cum deep inside his mate - which leads Zeal to tear the sheets with his claws and soaks the first few layers of fabric with his seed.

He then slumps down and lets his tongue hang out of his mouth, panting like... well, like someone who had just, as Otto put it, been fucked raw. "Oh my God," he moans, and licks his lips. "That was fantastic."

Otto breathes out a puff of air and gives a weak nod. "Yeah... yeah. I'll say."

"So... is that all you're going to do with me?" Zeal turns his head and looks back at Otto, still hilted inside him. He can still hardly think straight, and is quite certain that he fumbled over most of his words just now.

Otto thinks for a moment - as he does, his heavy breathing reverberates through Zeal and muddles his mind further. "...No," he finally drawls, "but, we have all the time in the world right now. I wouldn't worry too much about that."

Zeal readjusts his position on the bed and grunts. So much of his lower body is coated in cum right now. "Shhhit. We should probably get cleaned up, hon."

"Yeah, I..." Otto places his paws on his mate's hips and tugs out a little, making them both whine or moan softly. "...I'm getting there."

Zeal jerks forward when Otto pulls loose of him and falls limp on the bed; stars obscure his vision, and he has to close his eyes and catch his breath. He's not fully sure why he loves his mate as much as he does, but he's certain that what just transpired between the two has something to do with it. In the back of his conscience, he is made vaguely aware of the shower in the next room being turned on, and of his breathing and heartbeat gradually slowing to normal.

This is what Otto does to him. This is what Otto does, and he absolutely loves it.

~ ~ ~

Zeal sits on th edge of the bed and looks around the room; now that he has showered and is all cleaned up, he can think straight and form intelligent sentences. "So, what's it like here?" he asks, eyes grazing from the nightstand next to the bed, to the clock still on the floor, to the dresser on the other side of the room and the various posters and pictures set up on the walls.

"Well, that's the thing." Otto runs his towel over his arms as he speaks - they had showered together, which led to more things and made them have to clean up all over again. "I've only been here barely over a day; I'm not really sure yet. Seems nice - but, then again, it's school. You can never tell about schools just by how they look."

"Ah, yeah, that's true." Zeal can still feel the memory of sweet pain under his tail; he runs his paw over the now-crusty stain on the top blanket of the bed, and smiles to himself. "You made any friends yet? YOu're quite a likable guy. I'm sure you have."

"Just this one guy I accidentally tripped in the hall. And this girl I think I might have gone to elementary with. Oh - and my roommate. I think you'd like him." He pauses. "Okay, you're right."

"Told you." Zeal giggles and reaches for his pants near the door; Otto hands them to him and throws the towel off to the side. Zeal licks his eyes over that body one or two (or three or four, or five) times before getting up and beginning to get dressed. "So when am I going to meet these friends of yours, hon?"

Otto hesitates, halfway to the floor to grab his own pants, and gives his mate a quiet look. "...I don't know," he says after a while, ears lowering a bit. "I mean, again, we've been given a lot of work - my roommate and I have a lot of classes together, and I don't think I'll have enough time to introduce you."

"It'll take all of, like, half a minute. That's it."

"I just don't think it's that good of an idea, hon." Otto pulls a shirt down over his head and avoids his mate's eyes. "I'm sorry."

"...Oh." Zeal looks down; his ears droop back against his head. "I see. I guess... I guess I'll just leave you two alone, then." He stands up. "Is this the only bed?"

Otto breathes out a sigh and crosses his arms in front of his chest. "Please, Zeal, it's nothing like that. I just met him. Calm down; you're being irrational."

"I just asked if this is the only bed - nothing else! What are you accusing me of?"

His mate looks at the floor, then to him, and then back at the floor. "Yes. I'll have you know, I was going to ask him to sleep on the couch in the other room... but if you want to claim that place for yourself, go ahead." He places his paw on the doorknob and pulls it open, ears slightly down. "Anyway, I have to go. I'll be back later. Love you."

Zeal knows he really has nowhere to go; he just wants to be anywhere but here. He himself said that he didn't have any plans today. Zeal begins to reply, but the door closes before he can finish; his words fall short in the sudden silence of the room, and he lays back on the bed. Why is it so hard for him to think before he talks? Why does this kind of thing happen in all of his, and everyone else's, relationships - does love just have a sick penchant for tired drama?

He wipes at his eyes and silently curses himself. Fuck. What if this relationship really is doomed for failure, as Lukas has said once or twice? What if he-

Otto left his phone.

Oh, God, Zeal thinks. I shouldn't do this. It's dishonest and unfair, and I don't think we-

...Fair? Whoever said anything about love being fair?

He takes the phone and begins looking through it, having Otto's code to unlock it memorized. There's a text sent to Lukas, saying no, he hadn't left that favorite shirt of his at home... one from the person who Zeal presumes is his roommate, affirming that they'd work on some projects tonight (he looks at that one for a while, trying to figure out what, exactly, had been meant by 'working' and 'projects')... and a few from his ex, just over a day old. Zeal pauses before opening those, a bit nervous, a bit scared at what those messages might say; but, then, he remembers the things Lukas told him and the things he swore to himself, and opens the first one from yesterday. It's from Otto, to the ex.

Zeal reads through it once or twice, and then places the phone back where it was and curls up, cursing himself for being such a bad mate.

On the phone reads: "We can't talk anymore. It's been fun, and I do like you, but I have more important things in my life now, and more important people. I hope you understand. Don't text or call me again. Otto"

~ ~ ~

The sound of the front door opening and then closing jolts Zeal from his uneasy sleep. He rolls onto his back, wipes his eyes, looks around, remembers where he is and what's going on. He sits up, looks around again, notices that he's not wearing a shirt, and begins to look around for it - and then Otto walks through the door and meets his eyes.

"Hey."

Zeal smiles gently and looks back into those lovely green eyes, the same color of the lake back home. "Hi, baby."

Otto doesn't say anything for a second, as if he was caught off-guard, and then motions to the bed. "Did you just... sit there that whole time?"

"Well, I took a nap." The other otter stands and stretches his arms over his head, never quite fully closing his eyes so that he can watch his mate. "Not much to do right now. I mean, I suppose I could unpack, but... really."

Otto is quiet for another moment, and then takes a few steps forward and takes his boyfriend's paws in his own. "I'm sorry for earlier," he murmurs softly. "I need to learn to be more gentle and patient with... well, everyone."

Zeal gives a soft squeeze, still smiling. "Yeah. I do too. We'll work it out, though, like we have with everything else."

They share a gentle string of kisses - and, just like that, all of the anger and stress is gone. Otto rubs his nose across his mate's. "I love you, baby - very much."

"And I love you, hon." Zeal kisses him again. "More than I could ever hope to put into words."

"Oh-" Otto takes a step to the side and holds his arm out to the door. "There's someone I wanna introduce you to."