I love you too...
Alright guys, here's your obligatory warning of the hour. warning blahblahblahsexblahgayblahblahcopywritedcharactersblahmeblahdreamyhuskyblahdon'treadifyou'retooyoungblahblahblahdoitanywaysblah.
I'm actually kinda dissappointed with how this came out only because of the fact that it's much cooler in the original formatting that I just can't recreate on here. there were symbolic colors, and all other manner of jazzy things. If anyone is interested in the actual original and seeing it in its meant-to-be-viewed-in-manner, then send me an e-mail at [email protected]
As far as the sex goes. If you're here for that, then I apologize. There's yiff...but I don't think it counts too well. Also, it's more supposed to be an exploration of the character than anything else...so I'm sorry for trying to be creative, but you've been warned, so I don't want comments at the bottom saying how little sex there was and how horrible of a person I am.
and on the topic of comments. If there's something wrong with this (I bet there's a lot that a lot of people don't like about it,i especially considereing the formatting dificulties) then you should tell me, because I've done this on several sites for long enough to know that if -you- don't give me the comment, then -no one- will. and that's pretty much it. So if you want to see something different. then SAY SO!(to me...whispering to yourself doesn't count...)
enough ranting: read on!
The wind was cold, and the cars were loud. He rocked back and forth, feeling the coarse concrete grip at the seat of his jeans, reminding him how secure he could be. His hindpaws swung out aimlessly in midair, and his claws tapped idle rhythms onto his legs. He breathed in slowly, the smell of sulpher and petrol hanging heavily on the air, and the weight of smog could almost be felt against his fur, heavy and immutable. He saw everything in time-lapse, lines of light strewn across his vision forty-five stories below, while brakes and horns held testament to the present traffic, and the clock-tower chimed 3AM. He tasted rot and steel, and moved his paws to grip the ledge, raising his muzzle into the air so that the night air could blow through his mane, whispering quiet secrets into his ears of the past and future. A child was crying---
_ "He's just been using you!" the aging Dragon yelled, his red scales turning ever more crimson as blood rushed into his face, his gold eyes shimmering with a kind of righteous fury. The green reptile at the receiving end of this outburst glared back, his blue eyes filled with responses he knows he'll never use, and his paws clenched in anger he knows he'll never unleash. An arctic wolf stands a short distance away, arms folded over her chest. She obviously has many things to say on this topic but is choosing instead to keep her muzzle shut._
"...fine..." muttered the younger dragon, releasing his clenched fists to run them nervously through the silver-grey fur at his hips, his eyes looking off to the side, away from his father and step-mother. So many things ran through his head, running together and colliding into amalgamated anger:
You don't even fucking know him!
_ Why won't you just listen JUST_
Just leave me aIlolnoeved him, that should have been all that mattered
_ It's just because he's male! LEAVE Burn in hell_
_ You said you'd support me no matter what I can't take it here, call me if you want_
_ You fucked everything up NOW_
Don't you want me to be Ihwaapsphyappy when I was withhe mhaidme me smile...
But nothing came out.
He closed his eyes, shut his heart, and slowly let his father tell him everything he knew was wrong. Not again. Ever. He shut his anger out, along with his family, and sighed...
The chill returned. He was humming a lullaby under his breath, letting the notes drop off the edge before him and drift into the snow which had just begun to fall. He always loved the snow. A traffic light had defaulted to red and the traffic jam was ridiculous as three lanes tried to decide who would have the right of way at a stop-sign. Flashing lights appeared in the distance and raced towards the scene, the convoy bringing four technicians and two engineers with them. There were shouts above the sound of horns, like people expected those in front of them to be able to fix the problem. The cacophony was intolerable, all the anger and voices and sound and light. He shut his eyes and threw his paws over his ears in some small attempt to muffle the over-sensitized extremities. Muted shouts, wailing sirens. The lights still flashed behind his shut eyelids, his head pounding, everything loud loud loud screams, wails, rot, steel, grey, green, blue, wh---y can't you just be here!?!" He felt like an ass, but he couldn't help it. His chest heaved with the emptiness it had felt for the last few days, and suddenly all of these words were pouring out, that he wanted to say, but not like this. "I took three days out of my break to come be up here with you, and you spent a lot of the time doing something that felt an awful lot like ignoring and avoiding me. When you were in a bad mood, I jeopardized my job so that could stay out here an extra night, and you got online and talked to anybody at all so long as they weren't fucking me! I actually fucking care how you're doing, and you 'pushed me away'" He could feel his heart pounding, and all his frustrations materializing from this pit in his stomach, his voice dripping sarcasm and biting with rebuke. "Which is funny because if the five-minute-max you spent in the same room with me during the day was keeping me near and dear then I don't know... As you've probably noticed, I've been emotionally deteriorating throughout the day, and you asked if I wanted to be here." He turned his gaze for the first time directly at the red and black husky who was standing before him. He wanted so badly to just take him in his arms and hold him close; make it all better, make it all go away, but the canine wouldn't let him in. "Yes I do! more than anything else! But it would be nice at least to be wanted here as well. The only time you've really spent with me here was in bed." He paused, his voice verging in on a sob as he looked at his mate, unsure of whether or not they'd be able to make it through this. "Last night was me checking something, and I learned that I'm an immensely jealous wagon."
---He could feel the husky's cock in his hand. He pressed into the soft form, stroking up along the shaft, hearing the sharp breaths and feeling the muscles tighten and relax as each wave of pleasure flowed over the canine's form. There was a paw around his own arousal, but it wasn't the one he desired. His mate's paw was busy stroking along the length of some other fur, a third set of shushed moans permeating air that was thick with lust and heat. Minutes blurred together as the sheets stuck to matted fur, and backs arched, maws open wide in wordless roars..."--- _
This is really really hard on me. I am trusting so much that when you're done having your fun with everyone except me, then I'll get what's left." He stopped...arms which had been gesturing furiously dropping down to his sides in resignation. "I do trust you...but I still have to get used to it. I still feel like I'm no different---or even less---than everyone else" he mumbled to himself:"with how much time you spend with me," his attention returned directly to the husky, his eyes damp and sorrowful. " and feeling unwanted when I just want to spend some time with you feels horrible." He let his paw rest on the counter, breathing deeply and trying to choke back the sobs that threatened to come out. Then, a new wave of inspiration took him, and instead of shutting his muzzle like he wanted to, he continued on, body becoming damp in a nervous sweat, voice raising," And finally, when I ask what's wrong, and want to talk about it because talking about something helps a lot more than letting it fester and boil, I get 'a lot'" He could feel his claws make the quotations in the air "I'm feeling immensely lonely, because I don't have the social skills, or the emotional aptitude to fool around with people, and the one person on the entire planet who I want to see tends to gravitate away from me and become so unenthusiastic when I hold him that I wanna claw at my chest."He grabbed at his collar-bone, then ripped straight through the front of his cheap t-shirt, thin lines of blood rising to the surface as he bared his chest dispassionately, tears in his eyes. " I said consider what's important, and I want you to do that, and if what's important doesn't include me at all, then tell me, because until then I am here as your mate only emotionally." His eyes closed to slits as he spat out vehemently, "Not that it will reduce the amount of physical contact you find. But I can't have sex of any kind right now knowing that the next morning I'll feel like it meant the world to me and absolutely nothing to you!" He slammed his fist down in frustration upon the countertop, the granite cracked slightly and a fine dust rose. There was a thick silence. He turned around, went to the corner, grabbed his coat from the rack and headed towards the door, turning as he wrenched it open. "If you wanna talk, then I'll talk to you later. Right now I can't tolerate this kind of shit." He walked out the door, down the elevator and out the building; rain started to fall, but only served to join his tears.---_
There were claw-marks in the ledge that hadn't been there earlier. His fingertips felt dry and dusty and raw to the air. He had given up on blotting out the sounds below, letting the pressure in his forehead build as the pulse of living voices matched his throbbing heart-beat. He could hear a voice behind him. There was a light that had been thrown over his right paw he hadn't noticed in his reminiscences. He turned, snaking his neck around to look over his shoulder at the small tigress who stood framed in the doorway, a plain black gown covering her lithe, thin form. She was squinting against the slight wind out at the night, searching... Her body visibly relaxed when she saw him, clearly relieved---even if his wings were drooped to the parapet and his fur was specked with snow. She audibly sighed and stepped through the doorway, letting it close with a loud clang behind her, the return to darkness temporarily replacing where she stood.
_ _
"Here you are..." she padded towards him, hindpaws crunching in the fresh snow; a small, sad smile played at the corner of her mouth. Her tail twitched slightly, betraying her irritability. She stopped a few paces from him and crossed her arms, hip rocking comfortably to her right, waiting for him to say something. He said nothing. She frowned a little, brow furrowing. "Well?". The question hung in the air. There was a screech followed by a smash and the crunching of metal; neither fur flinched. He turned back out towards the drop off, searching calmly and carefully for the accident forty some-odd stories below.
"Why the hell are you up here?!?" came the barked query. He turned slowly to face her again, looking straight in her eyes...bright blue, like the sky---now tinged with grey thunder. "You're lucky I'm still in the same Territory as you, let alone able to stay in the same building, in the same room. Do you have any idea how much you've hurt me?...do you even care anymore...?" Her features softened, and in them he saw something old and caring...something he had long since forgotten... "...I have stayed with you through thick ---" the way her eyes shone in the moonlight. The careful way her body moved in the snow as if it were impenetrably fragile... "---all of this with Kole...god, I thought we had a chance---" she was out of words to say. He cared for her...but there was nothing else for her to give... nothing he could use anymore...hell...it was because of her that he made it this long as it was...
He sighed quietly and turned back towards the street, head drooped slightly. He was a monster and he knew it. He couldn't even help Kole...bringing that up just opened old wounds. "I know that you wanted him...but I loved you..." Her voice was farther away. The street blurring together "...listening to me anymore..." there was sadness in the voice now...what was she saying...he couldn't remember...the way she smiled...the love in her voice... "hell---o?."
"Hi" he grinned back, tail wagging furiously behind him. Ears perked to strict attention. So this was the warm, friendly voice he had heard so many times over the phone. She was gorgeous. His mind was racing; she was everything he could ever want; funny, caring, great smile, and that laugh...---butyoudon't---...he mentally shook himself, ignoring the voice in the back of his head screaming at him that this wasn't right. He knew it was right! There was absolutely nothing wrong with her...why couldn't he---blackredsmiletrustKole---his smile was firm as they started right in with small talk, hitting it off right away. He firmly forged on straight into this mess that he knew somewhere deep in his mind wouldn't last, and could never make him happy.---
---It had been months, and now the voice was more than just an irking nag. He had to end it now; before it was too deep for either of them. He knew he loved Kole...and Kole wanted nothing to do with him...Sarah wanted him...tried to be with him even when she and Kole were still involved...why couldn't he love her...? However, he knew something by now: loving someone is no guarantee that they will love you back. Kole did not have to love him...and he did not have to love Sarah...but it would be so much easier if...---
The door closed again. She had given up on him, just like so many others. His nose was going numb from the wind that was beginning to lash against it, and his eyes were damp...
...he hadn't cried in years. Not since San... He had a habit of writing letters...He had left one for Kole the last time they had spoken:
_ Dear Kole
You don't let people in...this is me trying to...
It makes sense I suppose...after all, every single person that you've opened up to has betrayed you and used you. Hurt you and maimed any hope for the ideal that someone would come along who you could trust that wouldn't turn on you and tear you down. I don't pretend to know things...I try...but I'm not so cocky as to be able to stand here and tell you I know more than you...maybe I'm wrong...who knows...but as far as I can tell, it makes sense...
If it helps any, I did essentially the same thing...changing and protecting myself against any and all betrayals that I've had in the past..._
You see, I don't trust people anymore. Not like I used to anyways. When I was with San, I actually and unabatedly trusted him. There was not a shadow of doubt in my mind, and not a thought of the possibility of distrust---it was really quite remarkable. That's why rune hurt so much. That's why I stopped existing for three months...you can ask anyone who knows me. I had let someone in so far that when they just left me for nothing with no real excuse all I could do was shut down and watch things go by because the lights were on, but I wasn't home. I trust no one. I don't trust my dad. I don't trust my mom. I don't trust my friends. I don't trust Turin. I. Trust. No one. I mean...it's not that I completely distrust everyone...but I no longer can just trust someone, because it has been made clear time and again that I'm not good enough for anyone, and that if I allow someone entirely into my life---trust them to the entirety of my spirit, that they will always disappoint me, and that I will always be left nursing wounds that I doubt I could survive a second time.
However, on top of that, I am also highly idealistic, and highly optimistic. I'm a hopeless romantic, and I believe in love and trust and family and friends and fighting for what I believe in; So I trust people...little bits at a time. It's how I show I care I suppose...the more someone means to me, the more I will tell them, and it's even gotten to the point where there are a few people I would not lie to if they asked me any question in the world. You are one of them. I may not offer all the information about me just to share it...but I will not lie to you if you ask me something. When I said that giving myself to someone is the most trust I can possibly show, it was true. It is also the best way I know how to show affection as well. I don't like it because of the pleasure, because frankly the pleasure is sub-par to me, and I wouldn't seek it out if it were the holy grail and I was a French conqueror. However, that closeness...that is the trust. That's what I meant. I let you into a place in my heart that -no one- has ever gone...and when you shuffed me off it was the absolutely most horrific thing that has ever been done to me...but it was not the most painful. I gave you something unique, but I was already ready for the worst because that is who I am now...wary of everything. At the same time as I expected you to stay with me forever like you said (I did trust you...), there was a part of me somewhere which expected you to do far worse than just leave me. A part of me had already gone through every last possible outcome and I had prepared myself to be called a slut and other things which would never possibly be in your personality...I'm one messed up wagon now because of Rune...but I still love him...and now I love you...
My idea of sex is so weird...I like letting people get that close...but I've only ever let it happen with two people...Darren...oh boy...the truth is---and he can't know this...because I'm not sure how he would take it---but the truth is that I was asleep...I fell asleep on the floor watching Brother Bear and I woke up inside him while he was fucking someone who was fucking someone else. 1. I do -not- care for Darren that way. He's nice, and he's interesting. But I do not love him, and I cannot love him. 2. I -never- -EVER- do orgies. That is so far against everything that I am and everything that I stand for that I feel so cheap and dirty even thinking that I was part of one. When Darren got up, whoever was in front of him tried to get me to fuck them. I said no. I did not want to have sex, and I feel sick with myself that I did. However, I do not hold it against him, and I will not treat him any differently. I won't run from him or hide, because if there's something I learned from San, it's that hiding doesn't work.
There's a poem that hangs in my parents room called "letting go". It says a lot of things that are true about how to deal with a relationship that has turned for the worst, however I disagreed with it on one thing: Letting go. With San, I refused to let go. The thought of forgetting everything that we shared that was good in order to not have to remember the bad hurt much worse than suffering years of torment and forgetting how I felt towards him. I still have feelings for him. I still have feelings for you. I love you both in equally powerful yet different ways and I have made both of you such a strong part of who I am that the tiniest things remind me of you. Just like you said about Kai. The difference is that I refuse to run, or hide, or whatever the fuck people want to call it. It's really called protection, but people like to shame people out of it by calling it "running", or "hiding" because our high-horsed society sees honor and courage as the exact opposite of running and hiding; the knight and the dragon; the 300 Spartan warriors. I hated driving on Fremont for the longest time...because that's how I got to San's house. But I did it, because I needed to be able to live without San because I was certain he didn't give a shit about me---I was wrong on that...but I didn't learn till later...
We've all talked about my fifth year starting point. How I seem to magically know that I love someone even after just a few weeks. The reason is really simple actually. A question that I ask myself. Whenever I start a relationship (twice I know, but it's still true that I've done it every time), I ask myself if in ten years I would still be happy with this person. If I don't know the answer. If the answer is a no. If the answer is even just a definitive maybe, then I refuse to start a relationship. Mind you, I've been asked by many, and I've had to say no to countless people. I suppose that I've gotten it in my head that everyone asks themselves this question...even though I know that to be a bald-faced lie. I expect other people to make the first move, because I think that if they do, then that means I'm worth something to them...that I can make them happy...that we can make it; because the fact of the matter is: if I've said yes to a relationship with someone, then I am sure without a doubt that I can make it ten years and still be happy, because I have seen goodness in that person, and that I will fall in love.
I really hope that you asked yourself this question...and that I didn't get fucked over just because you can't let me in...right now I can imagine you having read this and tossed it aside several times in contempt or disgust...or been thinking "whatever. Yeah sure, take that and run with it."...I hope not...I don't like falling on deaf ears, because deaf ears don't change...even when -they- want to. Though you have more reason than anyone I know to think I'm full of shit and write me off as nothing more than a pesky annoyance trying to be smart...maybe this is just the hope in me...that undying little shit that I can't get rid of which stops me from being a misanthropic prick of an asshole who can't be hurt because he won't let people in...god...invulnerability and the lack of need for anyone sounds so nice...but I know even now that I would hate being impermeable to hurt if only there was still a small chance that I could find love. Regardless...there is hope in me...if the reason you are saying no to me is because you can't trust anyone...then please give me a chance... not even as a mate, but as a friend. Fuck...I'm already asking too much. I want to help...help in ways that go against the very ideals that stop me from being able to help...however! If you genuinely can't be happy with me. If I'm not good enough. Then you made the right choice. Me loving you is no guarantee that you should love me back...I can try and help with Kai...but I don't know what I can do with so much distance between us...and you have to ask...
So here's to honesty. To be honest, I don't love Sarah, and I can't love Sarah; I don't love Darren and I can't love Darren. When it comes to sex I don't know if I'm a top or bottom, but frankly I've been both now---and though it may have been my disgust with myself that I was having sex when I was with Darren that desensitized myself, it really was a sub-par forgettable moment in my existence, and frankly I can't see what all the big hype is about. I didn't like it. However, the night when you took me was the most amazing physical moment I've ever had, and the second most incredible emotional moment I've ever had. I never thought I would say it in all seriousness, but to be honest, I want to feel you inside of me (I just slapped myself really hard for actually saying that aloud); not because it feels good...because really it doesn't...but because I love you...and that closeness is indescribable. To once again be utterly honest, I don't rescind gifts...because I'm an idiot. Even if you don't give a fuck about me, and never did...I still long for that closeness...to be honest, if you asked...I wouldn't say no...same with Rune...especially since right now I'm kind of in a vague limbo because once again I was told that I'm not good enough...This whole thing with Ace has kind of pissed me off---first off that I allowed myself to be taken advantage of like that, and second, because now I have to go get tested, which I promised myself I would -never- have to do...honesty... ... ...I hate being honest...because now you know how to hurt me...but I saw something I loved in you. Something that made me happy; which means that even if you this whole time I was just being used for sex...I honestly don't care...
If you want, then here's my secret...how I dealt with San. I hurt for three months straight. I didn't avoid the pain, but rather faced it head on. It was the most painful time I've ever endured, and at the end of it, I broke. I held it together and then finally shattered under the pressure of it all and became, as I so lovingly call it now, insane. I found a place in my mind where I can believe two contrary things at once and still truly believe both, and accept both. I need San, but I need to not need San. So I don't. It's absolutely nothing that can help, and even worse, it sounds retarded. In essence, I made myself live with him in my life...something which most people just can't do...I don't recommend it...but the alternatives are no better...if not worse. You know how you feel about Kai. Willingness to do anything for him. Willingness to die for him. The reason I could fix myself by going crazy is pretty simple...it's because I'm willing to die for anyone...so killing myself like that was easy. I've never viewed my life as important, and that's only been reaffirmed again and again. I'm not worthless...but others are more important. You are more important. I would do anything for you...
I don't know...it scares the shit out of me that you tried to just...disappear... That I could care so much---maybe it's because I care too much--- and you could just leave me to rot...I've never understood that. It's not like I can hurt you anymore, not if I'm as meaningless to you as you said. And it's not like you could hurt me more...so why would you leave. If you plain don't like me, then just tell me. Not like I'll be hurt any more. Right now though...I have to sleep. I've been sleeping on the couch because I don't know why...I want to see you soon...I will sometime so I can give you this. Goodnight to you whenever you get this. I love you Kole. Please don't just disappear on me...that would be the most incredibly torturous thing imaginable...
---Kiastaani
He loved someone who's heart also belonged to someone who didn't give a damn...
The change wasn't sudden. But it was definitive. The wind picked up, and the cars seemed to honk louder and louder at the small wreckage from earlier. The roads were slicker than they appeared, and one unlucky hare had found that out the hard way. Kiastaani closed his eyes and smiled ever so slightly at the feeling of the wind through his wings as they were pulled back freely from his body. His senses peaked---hearing the shouts of furs, and the sounds of arguments in apartments, and the whistle of the air and the meaningful silence behind it all; he could smell the sulpher, the newly spilled petrol, the distinct scent of ash, and of falling snow. He could taste the cool air and the sorrow of the night that for one last time would be weighted with steel, and a tear formed at the corner of his eye; small, and at first unnoticed. The moment seemed to last forever as the tiny droplet held fast to his eye, never letting go for fear of forgetting the need to feel pain; the fear of forgetting what it's like to be alive...then it let go; all the pain and the fears, the strong wind dragging it back across his cheek, along his jaw, and disappearing quickly in his silvery mane. He opened his eyes and saw nothing; nothing else to love, and nothing else to live for. The world was one stretch of lights and concrete and asphalt and pedestrians coming closer and closer; and any minute now he would---
_---Kole was standing there, looking out the window. The lights from the streetlamps cast streaks through the blinds, highlighting the red fur that covered his chest. Kiastaani yawned a bit and tried to remember what was going on, and then it was back. This was supposed to be an amazing spring break. He had three full days with no parents wondering where he was. No work begging him to come in. No school to take up his time. It was just him, and his wonderful new mate...such a sweet little pup.---
---A few hours ago he had come in to the room to find his mate texting someone on IM. The conversation had obviously been making Kole very unhappy...Kiastaani had sat next to him and learned in very short form that his mate had been dating someone in a southern Territory---a fur he had never met---when he had asked him out...
At first he didn't know what to think or say...all he could do was sit and watch while Kole explained to both of them simultaneously that he had been fucking with them both. Kiastaani felt betrayed and hurt...but he knew he loved this husky...and being told the truth meant a lot to him...especially with something this serious. The other fur---some tigress named Sarah--- demanded that she talk to Kole alone...obviously he shouldn't have been in the room; he left with his mate calling someone who almost certainly was as confused as he; he determined that he would have to say hi to her and apologize...maybe under a different name...but she didn't know this was going on either, so he simply couldn't be mad... He went into the room he and his mate were sharing for the night and fell asleep, confused, on the comforter.---_
---He awoke to see his Husky there, in the slats of the blinds, staring out to the street, and he couldn't be mad at him either...he seemed incapable of anger when it came to the people he cared about.
"I'm sorry..." Kole said. Expression set, eyes hard. The darkness cast an awful shadow across his muzzle. Kiastaani didn't know what to say. He shifted himself into a sitting position...thinking quietly.
"Hon..." he finally said, letting the silence break itself in the absence of anything else to say. He wanted to drag the Husky down to the bed, sit him down, and hold him close. He wanted this to work so much, because he knew he was falling for the cute canine, and if there's anything a cheap romantic like him desired...it was true love...
"Maybe I should just disappear...Kai was right...all I ever do is hurt people, and destroy everything good that happens to me." He sat down in a resigned manner on the bed next to Kiastaani, paws falling aimlessly to his sides. Kiastaani's eyes picked up with panic for a moment:
"No!...please don't leave me... I care about you way to much to just have you..." he looked off to the side, not sure of what 'disappearing' entailed, voice trailing off and shoulders sagging sadly. "...walk off..." He looked back over at the canine...something deep within him calling for him to say more...say what he felt... "Especially not for something that I've...already forgiven you for...". As soon as the words left his mouth he knew they were true too. He leaned in gently and kissed his mate squarely on the lips, eyes closed as he wished on the first night star for hope...Kole hesitated for a second, then pressed back into it, breathing out quietly as he let the kiss take him, both furs throwing caution to the wind as they felt the close, comforting warmth of each other pass so simply through the contact.
Soon both were nude, Kiastaani straddling his love and mate, pressing as close to him as he possibly could, paws wandering carefully over every inch of the soft fur. Their lips parted as both breathed heavily from the long embrace. Kole looked up lovingly at Kiastaani, smiling softly and nuzzling against the reptilian nose. "Babe..." he said softly under his breath. "I think I've found who I want to spend the rest of my life with..." He nosed against Kiastaani gently, " I want to stay with you and never need anyone else. I love you...will you be mine...?".
Kiastaani's breath was caught in his throat. Kole had just promised him everything he had ever wanted...and he knew it was with someone he truly wanted it to be with. All he could do was nod as his eyes teared up and a joyous grin spread across his muzzle.
"Would...would you like to mate with this husky...?" Kiastaani's eyes lit up with surprise...this is something he had sworn he would refrain from until he was sure it was someone special.
He was sure.
"Yeah...I would..." he said, looking directly into the mismatched eyes beneath him. "...if you'd be alright with that..." He mentally slapped himself for hi insecurity...but at least he had said it. He wanted to give himself to this gorgeous husky. Kole nodded slowly, and looked back into Kiastaani's ice-blue eyes. Kiastaani kissed him softly, letting himself be pulled into the moment, taking the comfort his mate had to give as he slowly wriggled back, down along Kole's torso. He released from the kiss with no small effort of will, and raised himself up on his knees, shuffling back the last few inches until he felt Kole's already hard member press against his opening. A shudder ran up his spine, and he closed his eyes as doubts and uncertainties flooded his mind. He calmed himself down, then opened his eyes to look down at Kole who was waiting patiently, not rushing him, not over-eager to take him fast and hard; just caring, and happy, and his...
"I love you Kole..." Kiastaani said softly, looking down at the red-furred canine beneath him.
"...I love you too Ki..." Kole whispered, smiling in such a way that Kiastaani knew that he couldn't be lying, and that the two of them would be together...always. He set his weight back and gritted his teeth, feeling the pressure and pain build. He heard his breathing become harsh and pained, but kept on, insistent. Then, under it all, his senses picked up something more. His ears twitching to pick up the sound; He could hear the breathing of his mate as it quickened in pace; he could hear the sounds of their hearts, as they began to beat in time, and he could hear the last whispered vestiges of everything he needed to know, carried still in the heat of the night:
I love you too...