FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Trying his very hardest to be quiet, Tam slid his key into the lock, wincing a little as the sound of the lock turning seemed to echo in the empty hallway. It was still dark inside his room, so he slipped inside, holding his breath with exaggerated care as he pushed the door softly closed behind him. His head spun a little as he made his way across the lounge to his bedroom, hoping his footfalls were quiet enough to not disturb Conor. He was pretty sure he was staying over tonight (that was tonight, wasn't it?) and he was a very light sleeper.

Tam poked his head around the doorway and grinned as he saw the mound of Conor's sleeping form wrapped up in the sheets on his bed, his breathing soft and measured as he slumbered. It was too dark to discern much in the room, details blurred by the dark, but he could just make out the shape of the bed and Conor's form lying within. Good, he was still asleep. Now it was just a matter of Tam creeping across the floor, slipping out of his clothes and sliding in between the sheets without waking Conor, and he would be none the wiser. He almost made it too; he got as far as sliding into the bed before Conor stirred, his amber eyes blinking blearily as they looked at Tam.

"Morning." Conor murmured, his ashen-silver fur slightly luminous in the white light that was peeping around the thick curtains. "Quiet night?"

"How'd you guess?" Tam replied, and he saw Conor's muzzle twist in a sleepy half-smile.

"Because. Whenever you have a quiet night, you and Terra decide to get trashed." Conor murmured, pressing his muzzle in close to Tam's for a tender kiss, his silken soft fur tickling the tip of Tam's nose. "And you reek of booze." He finished as he broke the kiss.

"Am I that bad?" Tam asked, linking his arms around Conor under the bed covers.

"Oh yeah. I could smell it when you walked in the door. I thought I'd just let you think I was asleep until you got here." Conor replied, chuckling. Redolent

"Can't hide anything from you, can I?" Tam muttered softly, pulling Conor close under the sheets, their foreheads pressed together, the feeling of pressure reassuring to the both of them, as it always was. "Sorry I woke you."

"I'll let it slide. But only because I love you." Conor whispered, smiling.

"Love you too." Tam replied. The two of them lay in silence for a while, just enjoying the feeling of their bodies pressed together, listening to each other's soft breathing in the quiet of the bedroom. The room was laden thick with both of their scents, Tam's musk stronger though, filling Conor's nostrils every time he took a breath, as if he was breathing the very essence of his mate.

"Carrying a little tension back here." Conor murmured as he started to massage Tam's shoulders.

"I'm tense all over after work, you know that." Tam replied, and Conor chuckled.

"So you are." He murmured as he felt Tam's hips press into him. "And what do you want me to do about it?"

"Oh I was hoping you'd help me relieve it..." Tam said, his breathing a little heavy as he pressed closer to Tam.

"Oh you were, were you?" Conor murmured, grinning broadly. "I might be able to help you with that." He said as he ground into Tam a little, his mate giving a shiver as he did so.

"Lucky me." Tam grunted, and he saw Conor's grin broaden

"Too bad it'll have to wait. I'm late for work." Conor said, smiling mischievously.

"What?" Tam asked, stunned.

"Sorry love. It was too tempting to pass up." Conor said, rolling away from Tam under the sheets and climbing out of the bed. "And I just love that look on your face when you get excited."

"That's not fair!" Tam yelped.

"Wait just a few hours. I'll come and help you relieve that tension after I'm finished. And no cheating while I'm gone." Conor said as he leaned down over the bed and kissed Tam, his straying paw tracing the shape of Tam's sheath through the sheets as he did so. "I'll know."

Tam gave an anguished grunt and flopped back onto the mattress, Conor still giggling as he got dressed, Tam watching him out of the corner of his eye. The weak light filtering around the curtains dappled across Conor's silvery fur as he paced around the room, his thin, sleek tail lashing gently as he got dressed.

"You're such a tease." Tam muttered, shifting a little uncomfortably as he watched the lithe form of Conor pace about his bedroom.

"I know. I'll make it up to you tonight. I promise." He said, winking at Tam. "How do I look?"

He was wearing a pair of Tam's tight grey jeans and one of his own figure-hugging red t-shirts, and as Tam watched him he buckled a collar on around his neck. It was the one Tam had bought him last Christmas, the thin dark leather band with a silver disc set in its center.

"You look great. Like always." Tam replied.

"Aw. Flattery will get you nowhere." Conor replied.

"I had to hope, didn't I?"

"Nice try. I'll see you tonight." Conor said, chuckling.

"Have fun." Tam said, letting out a sigh and sagging back on the pillow as he heard Conor's paws pad out of the room. Oh well, at least he could get some sleep now. And in a few hours...he grinned at the thought, head still spinning a bit from the alcohol.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot." Said Conor's voice right beside his head, and Tam shot straight up in surprise as the curtains were thrown back, wincing as the bright light flooded into the room.

Tam grunted as he rubbed his eyes angrily, looking up to see Conor standing by the window, an impish grin on the snow leopard's muzzle. Damn felines, Tam thought, he'd forgotten how quiet Conor could be. The dawn sunlight, reflecting off the fresh white snow outside, shone right into his eyes and nearly blinded him, the sound of Conor's laughter ringing in his ears.

"Try not to stay in bed all day love." The snow leopard said, his long lithe tail swishing behind him as he made his second exit for the morning. Tam grunted unintelligibly and tried to hide his head under the covers, too lazy to get up and close the curtains. With half an eye he stared, semi-focused, at the picture on the nightstand, which showed Tam and Conor together.

Even only half-focused, Tam could clearly see the broad, mischievous grin on Conor's muzzle, and the cute, boyish face that had attracted Tam to the leopard in the first place. His silvery pelt dusted with those broad circles of black, his thin feline body tapering down to his hips, his arm tossed around Tam's shoulder and holding him close...Tam sighed. He really did love Conor, that was for sure. There was just something about him, something that Tam couldn't help but trust and revel in whenever the two of them were together.

The other beast in the picture, a part of Tam still had trouble recognizing as him. The picture showed a fox, shorter than Conor, but still tall for his species. Half-open shirt revealed a trim chest and a pride necklace, and in the photograph one of Tam's paws were not visible behind the snow leopard, unseen but clearly groping for something by the look of the satisfied grin on the fox's muzzle. Two years ago, Tam would not have believed this picture if he'd seen it, not believed it was him dressed like that, acting like that. The whole image would have seemed...inconceivable. But that was then, and this is now, he thought, even though he still felt a small twist of anxiety when he thought it.

He gave another sigh and shifted his gaze, squinting a little as he stared out the window and out into the mountains, over the rooftops of Coker and at the powder-laden peaks that reared behind the town. It was already the height of winter now, most of the trees bare from when they had wept their leaves in autumn, and the tourist season was well underway. It could only be six in the morning, but already he could make out the distant figures of skiers on the slopes, dark insect-like specks against the blindingly white snow.

He ignored them though, and rolled over away from the window, burying his head deeper into his pillow; he didn't have to deal with them today. It was his day off, and he planned to sleep through most of it, if not all. He closed his eyes and snuggled down deeper into the sheets still warm with Conor's heat, and dreamed dreams of snow leopards, oblivious to all that was going on outside the windows while he dozed.

****

It was evening by the time Tam finally awoke, the sun beginning to dip below the line of the mountains, the whole horizon awash with fire as the fox blinked blearily, sitting up slowly and yawning. He got to his feet and crossed to the window, scratching his chestfur absently as he looked out over the town.

Coker was a resort town nestled high in the mountains, with the kind of picture-perfect views and snow-laden pines that you usually only see on postcards. Fresh snow dusted the buildings and streets like icing sugar, piling high in drifts whenever the blowing snow came up against an obstacle. At the height of winter, some twenty thousand beasts visited its slopes every day, and today looked like it had been no exception. Cars packed the roads and beasts the streets even now as the sun was setting, those who weren't leaving tonight packing into every single hotel, motel and backpackers Coker had to offer. Tam grinned; Conor would have had a fun day. He worked on reception at one of the biggest hotels in Coker, the Heritage on Oxford. He would have been run off his paws today, and probably in just as much need of a little tension relief as Tam had been this morning.

As he shuffled towards the shower, Tam grunted as a bolt of pain shot through his skull. Maybe he had drunk a bit too much last night. It hadn't been his fault, in all honesty. He managed the main nightclub for the hotel he worked in, the Summit Plaza, and last night had been a very quiet night. It had been a Tuesday, after all, but like always on a quiet night, the other manager Terra had decided they both needed to get drunk. And she had seniority, so he had to listen to her.

He always tried to resist, but that glassy smile she got on her muzzle was impossible to say no to, and the way she thought 'no' meant 'more' didn't help either. So they had both ended up 'testing' a lot of the new retail stock, and left the quiet night to the junior staff to handle. Now in the shower, with the hot water pounding against his very fragile-feeling skull, it didn't seem such a great idea, but at the time it had made perfect sense.

He was glad Conor had been so understanding when he'd finally arrived home. He knew what Terra was like too, so he was never too tough on his mate spending the whole night on the town. He was good like that. Tam grinned as he shut off the shower; Conor had work tomorrow as well, so he'd be staying tonight. The leopard's hotel was closer to Tam's apartment than his own, so whenever he had work the next morning he would inevitably stay at Tam's, meaning that the Fox regularly came home to a nice surprise waiting in bed for him.

Tam dried his fur and dressed himself, picking a pair of tight jeans and one of Conor's shirts, one of the only clean things in Tam's apartment. He really should remember to get his washing done sometime, he thought, pulling a face. He paused by the window and stared out the window over Coker again, his red fur reflected in the glass as it grew darker outside. The sun was gone now, a mere fiery line across the tops of the near-dark Mountains, but soon the generators would be powering up the floodlights for night skiing on the fields.

Soon Conor would be off work, and the two of them could finally get that quality time the leopard had promised him that morning. His muzzle twisting in a wicked grin, Tam started bouncing on the balls of his feet, excited as the prospect of what the evening held. Conor would still be an hour or two away, so Tam decided he needed to stretch his legs, just to make himself limber for the night's activities. He'd wander down to his nightclub, Base, and check in on Terra. She was supposed to be managing now, and he wondered how she'd be feeling after last night. Probably fine, as usual.

Tam, as an employee of the Summit, was able to get live-in accommodation in the employee quarters that backed onto the hotel, so that's where his room was, along with a good hundred-odd other beasts that worked at the Summit Plaza. The fox was not a native of Coker, he had in fact come a very long way for his job, and so having his employer offer him accommodation had seemed like a great idea at the time. When he'd first arrived in Coker, he didn't have a cent to his name, or know a single person in town, or have any idea what he was going to do apart from his job, so the Hotel's offer had seemed to be a great idea. Sure, it cost him a fair portion of his monthly pay check, but at least he had somewhere to stay.

Most other beasts must have been asleep or at work, because the halls were almost empty as Tam made his way through them, mind still fixated on a certain snow leopard that would hopefully be coming the other way to meet him as he walked. Conor was a native of Coker, born and raised in the resort town, and was much more suited to the frigid environment than the fox was. So accustomed to the cold, the silvery-furred feline would take absolutely no notice of the temperature, wandering around in t-shirts when most other beasts were packing several layers. And of course, being naturally resilient to the cold, it meant Conor could just sit back and laugh his head off whenever Tam got too cold, because all his fur would stand out on end, making him look like a giant frizzy fur-ball.

He had first met Conor a few months after he'd been in Coker, introduced him by one of his new...friends, Kingston. Kingston was a tall, muscular Hyena that was a ski instructor by day, and insatiable sex fiend by night. It sounded liked an exaggeration, but that was really the only term Tam could think of for the Hyena. Tam had never really believed in the so-called 'gaydar', but as soon as he served Kingston on one of the first nights he was working, the Hyena had been fixated on him, and seemed completely unable to take 'no' for an answer, even before he knew Tam was gay. It hadn't been long before Tam had given into the amorous beast's advances, and after a few weeks Kingston introduced him to another of his friends, who had been Conor.

He had been so different from Kingston, who had been great, but had always been just a little...odd was the only word for it. It was like he took the whole predator thing too seriously, although his prey was of the more carnal nature. Anyway, Tam had quickly fallen for Conor, or Conor for Tam, and the two of them had been inseparable ever since. Kingston was never even slightly perturbed by this, seemingly proud he'd got the two of them together.

Tam was crossing the open-air section between the staff quarters and the hotel, with his paws stuffed deep in his pockets to ward off the cold, when he heard his voice being called over the bluster of the wind. Lifting his chin away from where it had been tucked into the fur of his neck, and instantly regretting it as the bitter cold ebbed away what little warmth he had saved, he looked up to see a familiar figure running toward him. The cold wind stung Tam's eyes as he squinted to see who it was, and for a second his heart gave a leap as he thought it was Conor. As the figure neared him though, the feline figure turned out to be golden-furred instead of silver, and was wrapped up warm against the cold, the exact opposite of how the snow leopard would have dressed.

The figure wasn't Conor; it was Kay, one of the receptionists at the Summit Plaza, a thin cheetah a few years younger than Tam. He seemed a little breathless, but looked relieved to see Tam.

"What is it?" Tam asked

"I finally found you. I've been ringing for hours." He panted, trying to catch his breath. "Didn't you hear me calling?"

"Erm...no." Tam replied poker-faced, suddenly acutely aware that two days ago, while they had been...enjoying each other's company, he and Conor had accidentally knocked the phone off the hook in their efforts. The thing was, he couldn't remember putting it back on since then. "I must have missed it." He lied.

"Well there's a guy down in reception. He's been looking for you all afternoon. Says he knows you." Kay said.

"Knows me?" Tam echoed, confused. Who could be looking for him that wouldn't know where to find him? There were very few people who knew Tam in Coker...he'd been there less than a year...who could it be? "Who is it?" He wondered aloud, but the cheetah just shrugged expressively.

"I don't know." He said, teeth starting to chatter from the cold. "I'm just the messenger." He said, turning and leaving Tam alone outside, wondering who on earth could be waiting for him.

Stepping into the warmth of the main lobby, Tam looked around for someone who could be looking for him, but couldn't see anyone who looked like a likely candidate. There were a few rosy-cheeked couples coming in out of the snow, a lot of kids and harried-looking parents running after them, some complaining jerks that Kay was trying to deal with but failing awfully at reception...just the usual collection you'd find in the lobby as the sun went down and the town filled with the tired, hungry and horny.

So who could possibly be looking for him?

As he stood, staring about the lobby, he felt someone grip his arm from behind and twist it up behind his back painfully, drawing a strangled yelp of surprise from his throat. His muzzle was gripped tightly and pulled to one side, exposing his red-furred neck, and Tam felt the hot breath of some beast down his neck as they leant in close to his ear. He tried to cry out in anger, but there was little more than a growl to be heard while the mystery paw was wrapped tight around his muzzle with a vice-like grip.

"Getting a little soft in my absence, are we?" A gravely voice growled by his ear, and Tam felt his eyes shoot wide in shock. He knew that voice...oh no. Oh no...

The grip on him was released suddenly, and Tam was whirled around forcibly to face his attacker, who stood there with a broad grin plastered across a very familiar muzzle. The figure was a tall wolf with glacier-blue eyes, and fur so dark that it was almost black, spread across his broad, muscular shoulders. Wearing a roguish grin across his muzzle, with ski pants and a tight-fitting t-shirt covering the rest of him, the wolf standing before him was a very familiar face indeed, although Tam had never imagined he'd be here, not in Coker.

"Tam mate, how are ya?" The Wolf practically roared, clasping the still-stunned Fox by the paw and pulling him close in a bone-crunching hug. "Been too long!"

"Vic." Tam replied weakly, the nerve above his left eye twitching a little. "This is...a surprise." He stammered, unsure of what to say.

"What did I say?" The wolf, Vic, asked him, still grinning broadly. "I told you that you couldn't run away from me! I'm doing the whole backpacking thing mate, and I'm just passing through Coker for a few days. Thought I'd come and see how you are. I told you I'd follow you here one day, didn't I?"

"I thought you were...you know, joking." Tam said. "You're definitely the last one I thought I'd see around here." He said truthfully.

"Thought I'd come check out the slopes, aye? See if you're behaving?" Vic said, but his broad grin faded a little when he saw the look on Tam's muzzle. "What's wrong Tam, you don't look happy to see me!" He said, still grinning, but with a little uncertainty in his voice.

"What? No!" Tam said, shaking his head in an attempt to come back to his senses. "I am glad to see you Vic..." He said, forcing a grin he hoped looked sincere. "Its just..." He began, but as he looked into the Wolf's big, honest face, he just couldn't bring himself to say it. "It's just a surprise to see you, that's all." He said, his stomach twisting a little inside.

I thought we weren't lying about that anymore? The thought flashed through his brain like someone else had said it, a hot, dark little voice from the bottom of his mind, its tone thick with smug pleasure. He ignored it though, instead looking at the big Wolf, who just grinned.

"Never mind, I'm here now and there's not much you can do about it." Vic said, the sure, confident tone in his voice back in full. "How about we go get ourselves a drink? Catch up, aye? Or are you working?"

"I'm not working tonight." Tam said before he could stop himself, and the Wolf grinned broadly.

"Alright then. We'll go, get some beers, maybe find us a little tail, who knows? The night's young." Vic said as he picked up a thick jacket that had been over the back of one of the lobby sofas, swinging it over his shoulders and zipping it up close around his neck. "Or have you found yourself a missus?"

"No..." Tam said, a little wretchedly. And that was why he was so disturbed about Vic being there...he hadn't lied to him, of course...he just didn't tell him the full truth. Vic didn't know Tam was gay, and since he had been a childhood friend he was really hoping to keep it that way. He didn't need that kind of news getting back home...

"Good boy fox!" The wolf laughed. "Good to see you're still going stag!" He said, and an older-looking stag nearby swung his head around, an inquisitive look on his muzzle. "Sorry mate. Figure of speech." Vic said to him apologetically, pulling a face to Tam as the stag snorted indignantly. "Shall we go?" He asked, but as the fox was about to answer, he heard his name called out, and his heart froze.

He looked up to see Conor walking across the lobby towards him, a broad grin on his muzzle. Vic turned to see who had called Tam's name, giving the fox the perfect opportunity to mouth frantically to the leopard, shaking his head with his eyes wide and frantic as he gestured to the wolf beside him. Conor could tell something was up, so he slowed down his pace and let the grin fall a little from his face, and the eager look in his eyes distinguished a bit.

"Hey Conor." Tam said a little breathlessly, trying to grin as the leopard reached them. "This is Vic. Conor, Victor, Victor, Conor."

"Aw don't call me that." Vic groaned, rolling his eyes. "How are ya?" He said, extending a paw to the confused-looking leopard. "I'm one of his old mates from back home."

"Friends! Old friends...not mates." Tam said as he saw Conor's eyes shoot wide in surprise. "He's just visiting Coker." He said, mouthing to the leopard over Vic's shoulder as he shook paws with the leopard. 'He's not gay!'

Conor seemed to take the bait, because he just smiled to Vic as he shook his paw, Tam wincing a little as he remembered how firmly the wolf liked to make these greetings. Conor didn't even seem to notice though, although he still looked a little confused.

"Nice to meet you Vic. I'm one of Tam's...friends too, up here in Coker." He said, and Tam sagged in relief, grinning to the leopard, heart pounding. You knew someone loved you when they'd lie to your friends to keep them from outing you.

"Well we're just off to get a beer and catch up. You're more than welcome to come along, let me know all the mischief my little hound's been in." He said, trying to ruffle Tam's headfur, the fox dodging his paw and looking to the leopard.

"Me? Oh...no, I'm pretty beat today. I'm just gonna go and crash. You two have fun though." Conor said, but Tam thought his smile looked a little forced. His whole face seemed a little frozen as he looked from Tam to Vic, the fox feeling like he'd been kicked in the guts. "Tam, I'll send you a message later, about that thing..." He said to Tam, one paw fingering his collar as he said it.

"Yeah...yeah, that'd be good." Tam replied, and Conor flashed him a little smile, turning and walking away through the lobby, leaving the two of them standing together in the warm lobby.

"Shall we go get a beer then?" Vic asked.

"Yeah, I definitely need one." Tam grunted, eyes still watching the retreating back of the leopard longingly.

****

They couldn't go to Base; too many awkward questions from co-workers about who the new guy he was hanging around with was. To Vic, it might have been a secret, but around the people in Coker that Tam knew, his sexuality was fairly common knowledge. That fact ruled out a few of the other closer bars as well, Tam eventually settling for a small, cozy-looking bar a few blocks from the Summit, where the two of them quickly took up residence on one of the pool tables.

"What do you reckon of her?" Vic was saying surreptitiously to Tam as he passed, his head jerking over toward a short-furred cat over by the bar, her low-cut top attracting the eyes of more than just Vic.

"Not bad." Tam said vaguely, staring with a half-interested eye at Vic's rump as he bent over the table to take a shot. He had to stop looking at him like that, he thought as he took another deep draw from the bottle in his paw. It was hard though; Vic had always been the jock type back when they were in high-school together, and he had definitely kept that image afterward, even now. His shoulders were thick and broad, and the bulges of his muscles against the fabric of his jacket looked like they were for more than just show. Tam had to admit, as much as he hated to, Vic wasn't half-bad. He shook himself hurriedly; this was Vic he was talking about!

"Come on, you've been saying that all night!" The wolf said, grinning as he lined up a shot. "When are you going to find some tail that's up to your standards?"

"Well sorry I'm not a man-whore like you. Where's Jazz, or whatever her name was, anyway?" Tam asked, and the wolf grinned a little sheepishly.

"Yeah well...that's why I'm not around home anymore. I thought I needed to maybe...get out for a while." Vic said, still grinning broadly.

"You mean there weren't any women left at home who didn't want your nuts on a platter?" Tam asked, and Vic snickered.

"Yeah well, I don't mind going on a bit of a holiday. And damn, you picked a nice place to come. Look at the talent around here!" Vic murmured, his eyes following a pair of cheeks as they crossed the floor. "You must rake 'em in, right? Those things must pull them from all corners, they're better advertising than a billboard!" The wolf said, gesturing to Tam's jeans.

The fox blushed hotly beneath his fur, his eyes dropping to his lower half as he groaned in embarrassment. Vic really was naive, he thought. All the signs were pointing, but the wolf didn't seem to be able to take a hint. Tam was wearing his tight, dark grey jeans that clung to his fur, the high crotch quite nicely outlining his package for all to see. Yes, he thought as he looked at Vic's relatively loose trousers, these are to advertise, but not at all in the way the wolf was thinking about. The two of them had a very different target audience, one might say.

"You have to show off the goods." Tam said lamely, trying to remember the stupid terms he had used to use at high school.

"Oh, that's a nice line." Vic snorted sarcastically as he sunk the last ball on the green velvet. "And that's my game."

"Beginner's luck." Tam said, and Vic laughed again.

"That's what you said the first seven times too."

"Rack 'em up. I'm going to make a call." Tam said, ignoring the wolf's protest as he walked away from the table, grinning. It wasn't that he wasn't enjoying the wolf's company, in fact, he was loving it. Vic had been one of his closest friends back home, but it was strange to have him here in Coker, when Tam had changed so much from how Vic had known him. And Vic was still just the same, Tam thought, rolling his eyes and trying to hide a grin as he turned and caught a glimpse of the broad-shouldered canine at the table.

He found a payphone near the back of the bar, and he called his own number, running a paw through his headfur, hoping he hadn't angered Conor too much. The leopard must have finally replaced the phone on the hook, because the call went through, and a sleepy voice answered on the other side of the line.

"Hello?"

"Conor. It's me. Did I wake you?" Tam asked, and he heard Conor snort.

"It's past midnight. Yeah, just a bit." Conor replied, but he didn't sound too angry.

"Past midnight?" Tam asked incredulously, swearing inwardly. Time had really gotten away on him... "I'm so sorry about tonight."

"Yeah...what the hell was that all about?" Conor asked, something like a laugh in his sleepy voice. "Who is he?"

"He's a guy I went to school with. We were pretty close, and I haven't seen him in a while. He just showed up out of the blue, and I guess it was a pretty big shock." Tam said.

"Pretty close? I thought you said he wasn't..."

"What? No, he's not. And he doesn't know I am, either." Tam replied, dreading what he could tell was coming.

"But I thought you said you were close with him?" Conor asked, sounding confused.

"I am. It's just...I've never told you this, but very few people back home knew about how...I am." Tam said wretchedly.

"How many?"

"Well, there was me...and then...yeah, that's about it." He admitted into the receiver, hearing Conor sigh on the other side.

"Oh Tam..." Conor said

"Look, it's not a big deal for me. Really." Tam said, unsure if he meant it or not.

"So no-one from your home knows about you? About me?" The leopard said slowly.

"Ah...I'm sorry Conor." Tam said, feeling once again like he'd taken a blow to the gut. It wasn't like he was ashamed or anything...he had never thought about it hurting Conor before.

"That's alright...you should tell him though, Tam, you shouldn't keep secrets. Not about things like this."

"I'm just waiting for the right time." Tam said, and he heard the leopard snort.

"I know you well enough to know that that means when hell freezes over." He said, laughing a little, but there was very little humor in the sound.

"I'll tell him soon. Just...not right now, okay?"

"Alright. Love you." Conor said, and Tam heard him yawn. "I probably won't see you tonight, huh?"

"Probably not. Sorry."

"That's okay. I'll see you...?"

"When I'm off work next. I'll send you a message with my hours, okay?"

"Okay. Good luck." Conor said, voice softening a little.

"Thanks. I'll need it." Tam murmured, looking over to where Vic was still setting up the balls. "Love you."

"You too. Night." Conor said, and then the line went dead. Tam sighed, and slumped against the wall, feeling exhausted. Conor hadn't sounded too happy, and he had every right to be. Oh well, Tam thought, he'd make it up to the leopard. And was he going to tell Vic the truth? He didn't want to, not at all. He doubted the wolf would be able to keep that secret back home, and that was not something he wanted to get around. Tam ran a paw through his headfur, mulling thoughts around in his head. This was a tough one.

"So, you going to introduce me to your new toy, or am I going to have to do all the work?" A voice said right by the fox's ear, and he whirled in shock to see his friend Kingston standing right behind him, grinning broadly. He was wearing a tight, and ultimately pointless, black mesh singlet that showed off his grey and black mottled fur and a pair of tight black pants that, like Tam's, revealed a lot more than they concealed. He had his usual assortment of piercings through his big peaked ears, and the ridge of thick black fur atop his skull made his grey eyes look even darker. Tam was taken aback for a moment as he looked into Kingston's muzzle, the hyena's sharp teeth making his broad grin look more than a little...hungry.

"Who? Oh, that's just Vic. He's an old school friend of mine." Tam replied, and he was vaguely horrified as he saw the hyena's grin grow even broader.

"Oh really? He looks fun." Kingston murmured as he looked at the Wolf over Tam's shoulder, and Tam felt a jolt as he suddenly realized what the Hyena was doing.

"What? No. Oh no, no, no. Hell no. We are not playing this game again." The fox said firmly, placing a heavy paw on Kingston's chest, brushing against his fur as he tried to restrain him. The Hyena looked down at the paw and grinned evilly, making Tam blush angrily.

"Oh, so are we playing the game now?" He asked, and Tam pulled his paw away quickly.

"No-ones playing the game. Not with him. He's not gay."

"Yes he is. He just doesn't know it yet." Kingston said simply, looking between the fox's ears at the wolf behind him, but Tam grabbed him again.

"No, he's not. Please Kingston, not tonight. He's an old friend, from out of town, and he doesn't know I'm gay either, and I want to keep it that way. Please, not him." Tam pleaded, and the Hyena grunted.

"Alright, I promise I won't tell him you are gay." Kingston said, rolling his eyes.

"And you'll leave him alone?" Tam asked.

"I wish I could, but I think Penn's already taken an interest in him." Kingston said, looking over Tam's shoulder at the table, where he could see the wolf talking to a tall chestnut stallion. "Can't leave a pretty boy alone five minutes in this town." He said, winking and sauntering away to the table, leaving Tam fuming silently in the shadows.

****

Kingston and his stallion friend, Penn, had introduced themselves at the table as Tam's friends, and after Vic had readily welcomed them, and begged to be told of tales of the fox's supposed exploits since he had been in Coker, Tam couldn't find a way to send either of them away. Not without raising the wolf's suspicion, that was.

So now the two of them were playing pool with the wolf, Kingston repeatedly making obvious passes at the wolf, who was fortunately too naive to pick up on any of them. It didn't stop Tam wincing whenever the hyena opened his muzzle though, at each second expecting the wolf to suddenly realize something was wrong.

"A twenty says you can't sink that shot from this side of the table." The stallion Penn said, laying the note on the table, winking broadly to Kingston.

"That's twenty you've just lost." Vic replied, bending right over the table to sink the shot. As he did so, Kingston and Penn leaned back and took a long, unashamed stare at his rump, giving each other satisfied grins. There was a click as Vic sunk the ball and pulled back, grinning into the innocently-smiling face of the stallion.

"It was worth it." Penn said, shrugging as Vic pocketed the note, the wolf grinning happily, completely unaware of what had just happened.

"Hey, anytime you feel like losing your money, you know where to come." Vic said, still grinning broadly. The stallion opened his mouth to reply, but Tam jabbed him sharply in the back, shaking his head at him when he turned.

"Spoilsport." Penn murmured, pouting to Tam. "I was just going to say it would have been a good investment..."

"Very funny." Tam grunted, gritting his teeth as he saw Kingston approach the wolf again behind Penn.

"I must say...Vic, was it?" He heard the hyena say, putting on his most seductive voice as he did so. "You're a pretty handy guy with a shaft in your paws." He said, gesturing to the pool cue Vic held as he did so. "You'll have to show me just how good how you are some time."

"Why not? I'm sure I could teach you a thing or two." Vic replied, still completely oblivious as to what was going on, but Tam saw the smile on Kingston's face grow broader.

"I'm sure I could teach you a few things too." The hyena said, eyes darting to the furious look on Tam's face as he did so. "Maybe a little about ball control..."

"Damn! I sure am beat. I might hit the hay. You coming Vic?" Tam said suddenly, but the wolf pulled a face.

"Oh come on! It's not even that late! Come on Tam, you, me, Penn and Kingie here should get on the town!" He said, and Tam groaned inwardly as he saw the look on the Hyena's face. Kingie?

"He's right. How longs it been since you've seen each other?" Kingston said innocently, and Tam glowered at him. "You two should go out and celebrate."

"Oh come on fox, we'll go find us some tail that's up to your standards. We'll all get some tonight, huh?" Vic said, and Tam shot a warning glance at Kingston and Penn, which they both ignored.

"I think I've already found some tail I like the look of." Penn muttered quietly, and Vic slapped him on the shoulder.

"There you go buddy! Where is she?" He asked.

"Oh...I don't think they're into the stallion though." Penn said, a little ruefully.

"Oh well. Forget her. She have any hot friends?" Vic asked.

"They had one who wasn't bad." Kingston said, and Tam had to grit his teeth had to hold his tongue. "They didn't look too happy about Penn's advances on their friend, though."

"Don't you hate that sort of thing? The best friend blues? Can't stand when I lose some fine tail to a girl's mate. Aye Tam?"

"Oh yeah, I really hate that." The fox replied through gritted teeth, giving both Kingston and Penn a long, cool stare. He'd get them for this, he really would, he thought as he watched them trying to hide their grins. Not right now though; now he just had to protect Vic from them...it was going to be a long night, wasn't it?

****

Tam sighed as he let himself into his apartment, the cold, still air within telling him Conor had already been gone for at least an hour. He could just catch a whiff of his scent in the room, but most of what he could smell was his own strong musk, and for some reason that made the fox miss his mate even more.

It had been a very long night, and once again Tam found himself climbing into bed while the sun was rising outside his window. Completely exhausted, the fox slid between the sheets, feeling a slight warmth that was perhaps only imagined, where he fancied the leopard had slept.

It had been hard work, both keeping up the charade to Vic that he wasn't gay, and trying to keep Kingston and his friend Penn from giving too much away. He had spent the whole night trying to feign interest in various women Vic kept sending his way, the wolf completely mystified as to why Tam couldn't seem to succeed with even one girl. He really was clueless, the fox thought, grinning a little as he lay back and closed his eyes.

He always had been clueless, in a dumb jock kind of way, from the very first time Tam had met him. It had been in their senior year at high school, only three years ago now, but to the fox it seemed like a lifetime ago, in a completely different world. It was strange how distant that time seemed to him, as if he was remembering something that had never really existed, like a dream.

He remembered he had been in the library one afternoon, just catching up on a bit of homework that he'd got behind on. He remembered he'd been so engrossed in his work that it had taken him a few minutes to slowly become aware of the sound of exasperated swearing and grunting, the intermittent noises breaking the heavy silence of the library.

Curiosity being one of his faults, Tam had left his books to go hunting for the source of the sound, and a few shelves over, his broad shoulders slumped around a desk, he had seen Vic scribbling away on a page already marked and smudged with corrections and crossings-out. Tam had known him as a guy in his year, and that he played football for the school team, but beyond that he didn't really know much about him. He had just been another jock to the fox, who had realized with a small pang of guilt that even after attending school with the wolf for so long, he didn't even know his name.

From side-on, Tam could see the wolf's face was creased with worry and frustration as he hunched over his paper, and for some reason he'd felt compelled to find out what was worrying him so. He had crept up behind Vic to peer over his shoulder at the paper he was scribbling on, and after a few seconds of reading, he couldn't stop himself from correcting the wolf's work.

"Supposing that truth is a woman..." Tam had read aloud, the wolf whirling in his chair in surprise, but relaxing a little when he saw it was only the fox. "That wasn't Hemingway who wrote that." He had said, trying to smile in the face of Vic's glare. "It was Nietzsche."

"Ah shit, I'm never gonna pass this thing!" Vic had said, throwing his pen down angrily.

"Important essay due soon?" Tam asked, feeling that he had intruded. Curiosity was one of his faults, after all.

"Tomorrow. And if I don't pass, my average will drop and they won't let me play ball anymore." Vic had grunted moodily, folding his arms and staring angrily at the smudged piece of paper in front of him. It had been funny, Tam remembered thinking, how he had seen the wolf flatten guys out on the field, but here was being defeated by a few words. "And then I can kiss any scholarship goodbye. But that's my problem, not yours. Sorry." Vic had said, sighing heavily. It seemed that was his signal to go, but for some reason the fox had lingered, for some reason unwilling the leave the jock in his predicament.

"You know...if you want, I could help you with your essay. Give you a few pointers." Tam had suggested, and Vic had shot him a suspicious look.

"Why would you do that? What do you want?"

"Want? Nothing." Tam had replied, a little taken aback. "I just thought, since you were having a bit of trouble, maybe you could have used some help. But if you don't want it..." He'd said, shrugging as he went to walk away.

"Wait!" Vic had said, stopping Tam in his tracks. "You can really help me?"

"English is kind of my thing." The fox had replied, shrugging. "And it's always good to help someone in need."

"You're that fox...Tam, isn't it?" Vic had said, surprising Tam a little that he had known his name. "I'm Victor...Victor James. But just call me Vic." He had said, extending his paw, which had been big and strong even back then, dwarfing Tam's paw in a tight grip that had made him wince. "And if you'd give me a paw with this essay, I'd owe you big time." He'd conceded, grinning.

"Don't worry about it, really." Tam had said, grateful just to have his paw back in one piece after that vice-like grip.

"At least I've already got a page down..." Vic had said, gesturing to the smudge-covered, nigh-illegible piece of paper in front of him.

"Yeah..." Tam had said, eying the paper apprehensively. "We might have to do a bit of work for this thing."

It had taken a few long hours of hard work for the two of them to get the essay done, Tam having to coax Vic along and give him hints as to what to write. It probably wouldn't have taken too long for Tam to just do it himself, but the wolf seemed to want to do it himself, so all the fox could do was coach him.

When they were done, Vic had thanked him profusely, grinning like he'd just won the lottery as he looked down at the paper in his paws. They weren't in the same English class, so Tam didn't know how the essay had been received in the end, but he hoped for the wolf's sake he'd passed. It wasn't easy, forcing Vic's hit-and-miss knowledge of the course into overdrive to write the essay, but as it turned out Vic repaid the favor, just a few days later.

It was after gym one day, in the school locker rooms. It was strange, now that Tam thought back to those days, maybe even back then he was already gay, he just didn't know what was going on. He always felt odd, out of place in the locker rooms, like he didn't know where he should be looking, so he'd always kept pretty quiet and to himself.

On that day, though, he had apparently looked in the wrong place altogether, and someone wasn't very pleased about it. Tam remembered having his muzzle buried in his locker before being yanked bodily backwards by rough paws, his light frame being hefted easily and slammed against the row of lockers behind him. The blow had knocked the wind out of his lungs, and stars danced around his head as he tried to see who had grabbed him.

As his vision cleared, he realized it was Brett, the captain of the wrestling team, a hulking brute of a beast, a grizzly with a temper to match his species. His hackles had been up and his teeth were showing in a savage snarl, inches away from Tam's dazed muzzle. A few of his friends were flanking him, grinning evilly, and Tam had been vaguely aware of a crowd gathering around them.

"I saw you watching me today fox!" Brett had snarled. "What, are you a cocksucker or something? You want to fuck me, is that it?" Tam had struggled in his grip, but hadn't even been able to loosen himself an inch. The bear was captain of the wrestling team, after all, and Tam was just into athletics, like most of his species. His thin, lithe frame must have been nothing at all to a beast of Brett's stout build.

"What do you want?" Tam had asked, and Brett had slammed him into the locker again, harder this time.

"I want to know if you're a faggot, mutt!" Brett had snarled, and it had looked like he was about to draw back and strike the fox when a voice barked over the crowd, even cutting through the jeering and yells.

"What's going on here?" It had said, and everyone had turned to see Vic striding through the crowd, the wolf obviously fresh from the showers. Tam hadn't realized how built the wolf was when he first met him, but now when he saw him standing there with just a towel around his waist, his grey-dark fur still a little sleek from the water, he saw just why he was on the football team. Broad, thick shoulders, a barrel-like chest tapering down to a thin waist, his biceps large and toned under his fur, Vic had definitely been strong back in high school, just as he was now.

"I caught this fudgepacker looking at me Vic, and I'm about to teach him a lesson." Brett had snarled angrily.

"I wasn't..." Tam had begun, but the bear had just slammed his heavily into the lockers again. He had stared fearfully at Vic, whose eyes were flickering from Tam to Brett, as if he was thinking something over. Tam had been terrified; he knew he had helped the wolf, but he didn't know if the jock was about to start a game of 'bash the fag'. For all he knew, the wolf could have been just as homophobic as Brett.

"Why don't you put him down, Brett?" Vic had said finally, and Tam wasn't sure who had been more shocked, him or the bear.

"What did you say?" Brett had breathed, a look of disgust on his muzzle.

"I said, why don't you put the fox down?" Vic had said, a little firmer this time.

"What the fuck is wrong with you wolf, you going gay too?" Brett had snarled.

"This is the third guy you've beaten up this month because you thought he looked at you Brett. You really think they're all gay, or are you just trying to hide something?" Vic had asked, and there was a low round of laughter in the room. Brett had blushed heavily, dropping the fox as he rounded on the wolf, his friends at his flanks eyeing Vic up.

"You're funny, Vic. You'll be even funnier sucking cock with a broken jaw." The bear had growled angrily.

"Well if you have a problem with him, then I suppose you've got one with me, too." A deep, baritone voice had rumbled suddenly, and all eyes had spun on the speaker. Now striding through the crowd came a tall, broad-shouldered lion, his shoulders broader than even Vic's, his tawny mane almost as full and thick as the muscles that bulged at the thin fabric of his t-shirt. It had been one of Vic's friends, a line-backer from the football team called Jay. All of Brett's cronies, so sure a few seconds ago, now shrunk back when they saw Jay, suddenly not so willing to fight. Even Brett had suddenly seemed to have the wind pulled from his sails, licking his lips nervously as he looked from Vic to Jay.

"You still looking for someone to fight?" Vic had asked, trying to hide the grin creeping around his muzzle now, as Brett and his friends kept backing up.

"You were looking to fight?" Jay had rumbled, still locking gazes with the bear as he backed down. "It's funny, I'm always looking for a fight, but whenever it seems like one will start, suddenly no-one wants to fight anymore. There's never a fight when I go looking." At this, there was a relieved chuckle from the assembled students as the tension in the air evaporated, and Brett had blushed again.

"Next time, faggot." He had said, pointing a stubby claw at Tam, turning to go without looking at Vic or Jay.

"Next time? Next time you'll still be a pussy, Brett." Jay had called after him, but there was no reply from the bear as he rapidly disappeared. Sensing the entertainment was over, the crowd started to disperse, leaving the fox alone with the wolf and his friend.

"Thanks..." Tam had said, looking at ground as he'd bitten his lip, feeling slightly ashamed.

"Hey, I owe you. I got a b plus." Vic had replied, grinning. "Jay, this is the fox I told you about." He had said, gesturing to the towering lion beside him.

"Ah, the one that kept dumbass here on the team?" Jay had said, dwarfing the fox's paw in his own massive one as he shook his paw. "I suppose I owe you big then as well, huh?"

And that's how it began. Over the next few months, Tam helped Vic keep his grades at a passing level, and Vic kept a weather eye out for the fox. Tam assumed that that was the extent of it, just an agreement based on mutual gain, but even after they graduated the two of them stayed close, their friendship lasting for three years before Tam had finally decided...to leave.

The fox sighed, rubbing a paw over his tired face in exasperation, unsure of what to do. Since he had left home, he had barely lent it a minute of thought, focusing on his new life, his fresh start, and it had all seemed to be going so well. And now, all of a sudden his old life showed up, and everything was starting to get complicated.

He grunted, burying his head deeper into his pillow. His head was starting to hurt, and he had to be at work in the afternoon. He needed to get some sleep; his problems would still be there when he woke up, but for now there was nothing he could do about them. He closed his eyes and tried to relax, mind still spinning as he faded into a fitful sleep.

****

The buzz of his alarm clock jolted Tam from his rest, the fox squinting in the grey half-light as he fumbled for the snooze button. He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, his head in his paws as he tried to rub the sleep from his eyes. He hadn't slept well, his broken and troubled dreams preventing him from getting any real rest.

He blinked blearily as he stared off into space, scratching idly at his fur as he tried to remember his dreams, feeling strangely that there had been something wrong with them. It was the same sort of dream he always had when he hadn't lain with Conor for a few nights, one full of the brushing of fur and the heat of panting breaths, but there had been something else, something different...

There had been the warmth of a kiss, and the scent of musk that still seemed to linger in his nostrils...but what was troubling him so? He realized suddenly, with a terrible jolt in the pit of his stomach, that the beast in his dreams hadn't been Conor. Instead of the silvery fur of the snow leopard beneath his paws in his dreams, he could clearly see, even now, the dark, almost ebony fur of Vic. Tam shook himself violently, trying to get that image out of his thoughts.

How could he dream about something like that? This was Vic he was talking about, the guy he used to get drunk with, the guy he went to school with! He sighed heavily, rubbing a stiff muscle in his neck. It was only a dream, he thought, there was nothing to it. Vic wasn't even gay, for god's sake! He just had the wolf on his mind, that was all. Maybe Conor was right, he thought. Maybe he should tell Vic the truth. How would he react though? Sure, they were friends, but people could be weird about this sort of thing.

Tam had thought his problems would still be there when he woke up, but they just seemed to have multiplied instead, the fox even more troubled than he had been before.

Unfortunately, brooding over problems all day was for people who didn't have to work for their money, so Tam shouldered the problem from his mind and got ready for work, trying his best to think of anything but wolves. Or leopards, for that matter. For some reason, even thinking of Conor at a moment like this seemed to complicate matters in Tam's skull, and he really didn't feel up to such mental strain today, so he tried to keep his thoughts carefully blank.

So it was like that, blank thoughts frayed at the edges with gnawing, unnameable concerns, and what felt like mounting wave of pressure hanging over his head, that Tam made his way to work. His jaw was set grimly the whole way, but it wasn't the effect of the harsh, cold-blowing breeze that whipped about his limbs, like the thoughts that tugged at his attention.

Base was right above the hotel's restaurant, the nightclub just opening now as the restaurant was beginning to get packed downstairs. The harried-looking maitre d, a hazel-furred otter, tipped him a wink as he passed him by in the restaurant lobby, which Tam returned with a half-hearted wave. Base's heavy, leather-lined doors were already open by the time Tam arrived, the bar open since mid-afternoon just for casual drinkers. The interior of the club was dark and warm, a mix of lush private booths and comfortable lounge seating that framed a tiered central dance floor. Muted red and blue lights were recessed into the wall to provide only the dimmest of lighting to the club, and only the polished-granite bar was fully lit. The whole of one of the walls on the dance floor was covered with a huge array of lights that acted like a screen when the nightclub was in full swing, turning into a wall of ever-changing light when the dance floor filled. At the moment though, the club had only a pawful of patrons, a nice slow start to the evening, and Tam realized a familiar face was waiting for him at the bar as he entered.

Still half-distracted by his nagging thoughts, Tam realized it was Jake, the manager of another one of Coker's bars nearby, a tall husky with luxuriant sable and ivory fur. Jake's bar, Calcutta, served a very wealthy crowd, and Jake always made sure he looked the part, his snug designer jacket rather superfluous considering his already thick winter coat.

Tam had to admit though; he did quite like the way Jake's expensive jeans hugged the curve of his rump tightly.

"Evening stranger." Jake said as Tam approached, grinning broadly. The husky had used to work at Base when Tam first started there, and he would show up every now and then, to check up on Tam, so he said. The older canine had somewhat taken Tam under his wing when he first arrived in Coker, and the fox suspected that he might have a bit of a soft spot for him.

"Hey. Shouldn't you be working?" Tam asked, but the husky just chuckled.

"This is me working." He said, leaning back against the bar with one elbow. "Thought I'd come and hear the news from you first."

"What news?" Tam asked, mystified.

"Don't try to be coy with me fox." Jake replied, still grinning. "I saw you last night with Kingston and Penn...and this new mystery guy. We all know what having Kingston around means...am I to assume this means you've cut a certain snow leopard free?"

"What?" Tam choked in horror. He couldn't believe what he was hearing! Jake thought...that he and Vic...and that him and Conor...

"Well?"

"Of course not! Vic is just an old friend, from out of town! I wasn't...we weren't...you've got it all wrong!" Tam hissed wildly.

"Old friend, huh? I've heard that one before." Jake said, a smug grin on his face.

"I mean it! He's not even gay!" Tam said, feeling like he was telling the same story over and over, but no-one was listening.

"So you and Conor aren't...?" Jake asked, looking doubtful.

"No!" Tam replied firmly.

"Hm. Pity." Jake said, looking a bit disappointed. "He looks like he's got a great body. And you know how great rebound sex can be." He said quietly, grinning at Tam. The fox mouthed a few seconds as he sought for something to say, but Jake just chuckled, motioning at the Dalmatian bartender.

He did have a great body, Tam thought, but it was a quiet thought, almost unheard over the cacophony in his head. Why wasn't anyone listening? Vic wasn't gay! He wasn't Tam's new mate, and he never had been! Conor was his mate, and that wasn't about to change...at least, that's what the plan was.

The last part of his thought silenced the rest of his brain completely, his head ringing a bit in shock. It had come from nowhere, the unbidden echo of his thoughts that had hit him like a ton of bricks. It was the first time he'd ever thought of ending his relationship with Conor. They'd been together eight months...it wasn't like he'd thought they'd get married or anything, but he'd never even lent any thought to their no-longer being together. It was a strange feeling...he shook himself, trying to get rid of the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. He was just over-analyzing everything now, he was letting the stress get to his head.

He noticed the bartender had placed two tall shot glasses on the bar, and was filling them with an amber liquid from a green-glass bottle, and he made a face to Jake.

"You know I hate this shit." He groaned, but the Husky just chuckled.

"Of course I do. Down the hatch." He said, raising the glass, and Tam did the same. Letting the liquid fall back into his throat, he felt the spicy bite of anise in his mouth, giving him a jolt that seemed to shake his whole body. Pulling a face in disgust, Tam shook paws with Jake as he made to leave.

"See you around." Tam choked, still fighting the urge to gag.

"Have fun tonight. Take care of your 'friend' from out of town." Jake said as he padded out of the double doors.

"He's just a friend!" Tam called after him.

"Whatever!" Jake called over his shoulder as he disappeared out the door, leaving Tam fuming. No-one believed him, no matter how hard he tried to convince them, that he had no interest in Vic...not even himself, it seemed. Tam sighed, feeling exhausted already. It was no time to rest though; it was Thursday night, and despite only just opening, Base was already beginning to fill up with those looking for something to warm their aching muscles after a long day on the slopes.

Tam went and joined the Dalmatian behind the bar, instantly falling into his routine of smiles and winks as he made drinks, able to keep his mind completely blank and blessedly free of thoughts of Vic and Conor.

Tam always found it amusing to see how many tourists a night would try and hit on him, looking for a bit of holiday fun in the local help. A lot of the younger girls, and some of the guys as well, would make their intentions known either subtly or blatantly, and he always felt just a little bad when he had to pass them on to one of his straight, single colleagues. The only other beast in the bar at the moment, the Dalmatian, was new, so Tam wasn't sure of his orientation yet, so he wasn't sending too much of either sex his way, just in case.

It was about halfway through the night, when two girls had made their intentions blatantly obvious to him, that Tam first noticed he had a watcher sitting at the bar. The girls had approached him with low-cut tops and sultry smiles, and asked for something hot and creamy to fill them up, obviously hoping Tam was straight. They were barking up the wrong tree altogether though, so he made them a couple of flaming ginger martinis, and was just garnishing the drinks when he felt the eyes on him, turning to see Kingston sitting at the bar, smiling softly to himself as he watched the fox.

The Hyena was dressed slightly more respectably than the night before, a tight pinstripe shirt worn open-necked beneath a stylish blazer jacket, his eyes glancing over the top of small spectacles as he watched Tam. The fox finished the girls' drinks and wandered over to Kingston, making sure the young Dalmatian didn't have too many customers to himself before he started talking to the Hyena.

"Evening." Kingston said, trying not to grin.

"Evening." Tam returned, a little icily. "You want a drink?"

"No, I'm good." The Hyena replied, nudging a short glass of something dark with his paw. "The Dalmatian got me before. He's not bad looking, you know. You know if he's...?"

"No. I don't know." Tam said, and Kingston gave him a look.

"You're not still upset about last night are you?" He asked, sounding exasperated, but Tam just gave him a stern look. "Come on, I was just having a bit of fun!"

"Yeah, well, was it really bloody necessary? I told you I didn't want to find out I was...you know!" Tam hissed.

"What, gay? Come on, who cares if you're gay? No-one should, it's not their problem." Kingston said, eyeing Tam. "And if you think he'd really get that upset, maybe he's not such a good friend after all." Tam opened his mouth to reply, but stopped, a little flustered.

"It's not just him, you know. I don't want any of this to get back home. It's my secret, okay?" He said, and Kingston made a face, still eyeing Tam closely. "Okay?" Tam repeated, more forcibly the second time.

"Okay. I won't tell him you're gay." Kingston conceded finally.

"And you'll leave him alone?" Tam asked, but this time the hyena shook his head.

"Can't promise that. He already asked me and Penn to show him the town while you were at work tonight."

"Kingston..." Tam said warningly, but the hyena held up both of his paws in protest.

"Hey! It's not always about you, you know. He's actually a cool guy, and we're helping him out. Showing him the local sights. I see what you liked in the guy." Kingston said earnestly, shrugging.

"I don't like him!" Tam snapped.

"Whatever. Look, don't worry about it. I'll take care of him." Kingston said soothingly, eying the tense lines in Tam's face.

"No funny business?" Tam asked with more than a hint of warning in his tone, but Kingston just grinned, a light in his eye that made the fox somewhat uneasy.

"Funny business? Me?" He replied, his tone one of mock hurt.

"I mean it Kingston." Tam said seriously, and Kingston rolled his eyes, still smiling.

"Alright. No funny business. I have to go and meet Penn. Have a fun night." Kingston said, tossing back he rest of his drink and leaving before Tam could produce a reply. The fox stood still for a few minutes, watching the Hyena's retreating back, lost in thought. His words had got to Tam; why should he care if people knew he was gay? Was it really that big a deal?

Before he could give any more thought to the subject though, Tam noticed the club starting to pack out, realizing with a sudden jolt that there were several expectant-looking beasts staring at him from across the bar. Such thoughts could wait till later, he thought, packing his worries away inside his skull as he started making drinks. Now it was time for him to work.

****

Tam grunted and stretched his back as he pulled the house lights up, blinking blearily around the now-empty interior of the nightclub as he did so. It had been a busy night, like all Thursdays seemed to be lately. Everybeast seemed to want to start their weekend a day early, so Base had been packed wall-to-wall for the last eight hours, and Tam was exhausted. One of the perks of being manager was not having to do cleanup, so he left the Dalmatian and the two other bar staff to clean as he went out to the balcony for a quiet cigarette.

The night was almost over now, the horizon starting to turn grey around the jagged peaks to the east, making the slopes a jet-black silhouette that framed the town. Base's balcony was a few stories up, looking out over the rooftops of Coker, providing a perfect view of the sunrise over the mountains, a sight which Tam had seen nearly every weekend since he had arrived in the mountain town, but one he still marveled at every time he saw it. The fiery light would brim at the peaks of the mountains like liquid gold, finally overflowing and rushing down into the valley, filling the streets of Coker with a warm amber light, making every single flake of snow sparkle, making the town look like it was covered in diamonds.

That was still at least an hour away though, Tam thought vaguely as he drew deeply on the cigarette, the acrid smell only slightly deadening the blanket of scent that filled the nightclub behind him. Even here, on the edge of the balcony, he could smell it strongly; the unmistakable scent of hundreds of beasts crammed close to each other, their sweat, their musks and fake scents, the occasional whiff of arousal that would catch the nose, all with an underlying layer of alcohol.

Tam scratched his fur absently, wondering how Vic and Kingston had got along that night. Kingston had been there at the very start of the night, about nine-thirty, just before the DJ started playing and Base had filled up, and Tam had honestly not even given the Hyena another thought since then. It was almost dawn now, so anything could have happened since then. He hadn't heard anything though, so he had to assume that nothing had gone wrong...maybe he had been a little hard on Kingston? Maybe he wasn't as bad as Tam assumed he was.

He sighed, blinking once or twice, exhaling a long plume of smoke. He was definitely looking forward to this night being over, and maybe a few beers out here on the balcony afterwards, watching the sun rise. He rose stiffly and flicked the butt of his cigarette out into space, watching its glowing tip spiral to the snow a few stories below, reluctant to go back to work. Come on, he told himself, there wasn't much more work to do. Just cash off the last two tills, then lock up, and then...

He had half-turned away from the balcony when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, and as he pulled it out he felt his heart sink when he saw the caller id. It was Kingston's mobile...he flipped it open quickly and pressed it to his ear, dreading whatever he was about to hear. He had no idea what it could be, but he could bet he wouldn't like it.

"Hello?" He said, trying to keep his voice firm and calm.

"Tam? It's Kingston. I think we may have a problem."

****

Penn and Kingston weren't that far away from Base, so Tam had left the nightclub in a hurry, leaving the others to clean up as he rushed to meet them. Kingston hadn't said what was wrong over the phone, but Tam could tell from his tone that it was something serious.

When he found Kingston, he and Penn were struggling alone down a snowy street, carrying a limp form between the two of them. Tam felt uneasy as soon as he saw them struggling with the limp, unresponsive body, part of him well aware of what it meant.

"What the hell happened?" Tam asked, rushing over to them as soon as he got close enough. Sure enough, it was Vic, barely able to stand on his own paws as the stallion and the hyena supported him. Tam could see from where he was that the wolf was not even in control of his own body, his head lolling back and forth wildly as he moved, his feet stumbling and flailing underneath him as they struggled to pull him along.

"We took him out, just like we said we would." Kingston said, sounding out of breath as he tried to hold the vaguely struggling wolf.

"Oh yeah, and then what happened?" Tam grunted angrily, trying to grab hold of Vic's head as it waved and wavered in front of him.

"We think...we think he might have had too much to drink." Penn said, but he wouldn't look Tam in the eye as he said it. Tam looked at him for a second, not saying anything, then to Kingston, who likewise avoided his gaze.

"Bullshit. That's utter bullshit." Tam growled, finally grabbing hold of Vic's head and shining the light from his cell phone into his eyes. His eyes were rolled right back in his skull, with only the whites showing, and Tam had to force Vic's eyelids open to see his eyes. "He's been drugged. Where the fuck did you take him?" He asked, absolutely furious. Kingston muttered something quietly and Tam rounded on him, snarling.

"What? What did you say?" He demanded, the Hyena's normally cool composure wilting in the force of Tam's stare.

"Spiro's." He admitted finally, and Tam shook his head, not willing to believe what he just heard.

"Don't tell me you were that stupid. Do not tell me you actually took him to Spiro's." Tam said, but Kingston just shrugged.

"You took him to the biggest gay club in the state, and you didn't warn him about drink spiking?" Tam asked, quietly now, but no less angrily, the fury bubbling away in his chest dangerously.

"Well...yeah." Kingston replied, trying to laugh, but the sound coming out weak and small in the face of Tam's fury.

"He could have been raped!" Tam roared, the sound echoing up and down the street. "You took my straight friend out to a gay bar, you were supposed to be looking after him, and you let him get drugged? Let him get this close, this close," He said, holding up his thumb and forefinger an inch away from his eye. "To being forcibly violated by gods only knows who, and you have the balls to laugh about it?" He stopped, breathing heavily, shaking with rage. "You have gone too far this time Kingston, I'm serious."

"Look, I'm sorry! You think I had something to do with this? Come on man, it's me! I know how I must seem some times, but I'd never let something like this happen if I could stop it." Kingston replied, and the look on his face was so pained and earnest that Tam felt his rage soften, and he sighed.

"Jesus Kingston...lets just get him to bed, let him sleep it off." Tam said, sighing.

"His motel is on the other side of town though." Penn replied, still struggling to hold Vic as he tossed and flailed weakly in his grip.

"Alright, let's get him back to mine. He can sleep it off there, get himself back together." Tam said, and the three of them helped Vic down the street, almost carrying the heavily drugged wolf as they neared Tam's apartment. The three of them were silent the entire trip, Tam still livid with Kingston and Penn, the two of them having the good grace to hold their tongues.

They got Vic into Tam's apartment after what seemed a lifetime, the sun brimming at the peaks of the mountains as they dumped Vic onto Tam's bed, where he started snoring almost immediately. Tam left him there and went back out into the lounge, to where Penn and Kingston were standing, looking rather shamefaced.

"Tam, look..." Kingston said when he saw the fox enter, but he just held up a paw to silence the two of them.

"I know you're sorry guys, and I know you didn't mean for this to happen. I know you're not like that." Tam said, his voice tired and strained. "But you fucked up with Vic, you really did. You shouldn't have taken him there, not to Spiro's."

"We didn't think it was such a big deal!" Kingston said, looking miserable.

"I know, and to you and me, it's not. We know about looking after ourselves, and watching what we drink, and who's buying us drinks, but Vic doesn't. Where he...where we come from, we don't have to worry about things like this." He said, sighing. "Where we come from, we don't even have places like Spiro's."

"We're sorry Tam, we didn't realize." Penn offered.

"I know." Tam said, rather more gruffly than he meant to. He looked at the two glum-looking beasts in front of him, and couldn't help but begin to feel sorry for them. They hadn't meant any harm, after all. "And I suppose I should thank you for looking after him. Things could have been a lot worse if you hadn't been there." He added, and he saw the surprise is both Penn and Kingston's eyes.

"Hey, it was the least we could do." Kingston said, laughing weakly.

"And I have to admit, the thought of Vic of all people, in Spiro's, is a little funny." Tam admitted, grinning. Kingston and Penn chuckled, and the feeling of tension in the room lifted slightly, Tam's earlier fury replaced with relief that Vic was alright. "Did he not even notice he was in a gay bar?"

"I don't think so. He was pretty hammered when he got there." Penn answered, trying not to smile.

"Yeah, we spent quite a while at Zena bar beforehand, so he wasn't exactly in a great state when he got to Spiro's." Kingston put in, and Tam sniggered, the full weight of the night crashing down onto him.

"Alright you two. Go get some sleep. I still have to go back to work and cash up the tills." Tam said, and Kingston and Penn left, apologizing again before they left. Tam sighed and groped around inside his pockets for his cigarettes, his paw closing tight around them when he found them. After all that, he definitely needed one of these. He glanced at the doorway to his bedroom, where he could see Vic's form slumbering restlessly. He'd be alright here for a while, he told himself as he stepped out into the hallway. It's not like he'd even be gone long; half an hour, and the tills would be done. And then, he could finally get some sleep, he thought, almost whimpering in longing as he treaded wearily down the hallway.

****

The sun was well and truly up when the doorknob turned again, just beginning in its ascent to the heavens as it spilled its light over the town, the sparkling, diamond-covered town hidden to the curtained apartment. Only the grey light peeking around the curtains hinted at what lay outside, but the apartment still clung to the gloom of the night.

The front door to the apartment swung silently open, and a lithe figure crept in, silvery fur dappled by the half-light that was creeping around the curtains. Conor grinned to himself, well aware he could keep a lot quieter than his clumsy mate. He could still hear him snoring away in the next room, sounding deeper than usual, but he paid no attention to this, just pulling the door closed behind him. He didn't want any unwanted distractions, not with what he had planned for the fox.

He wrinkled his delicate nose as he padded through the lounge, picking up various scents. He could smell, just in the lounge, the unmistakable musk that was Kingston, and the slightly darker, earthier smell that was that stallion Penn. He could smell Tam's scent as well, but most of all he could only smell alcohol, the scent assailing his nostrils with each step he took closer to the bedroom. There was something else, something he couldn't quite pick, but he ignored it as he crept into Tam's bedroom, the thick carpet muting the padding of his footfall.

He looked down on the still form of Tam wrapped up in the bed's blankets, nostrils still thick with the smell of alcohol as he disrobed. Poor fox...he must have had too much to drink, and by the lingering scent of Kingston and Penn in the lounge, he must have had to be helped home by those two. Conor sighed. It had been a while since he'd been this drunk...oh well, he thought as he climbed into the bed beside his mate, hopefully he'd have slept some of it off by now...

He ignored his nose as he slipped closer to Tam beneath the sheets, trying to block the smell of alcohol from his sinus' as he nuzzled closer to his mate, purring deep in his chest as he did so.

"Oh Tam...wakey wakey..." He murmured, one of his deft paws slipping around the front of the fox and groping at his crotch through his trousers, grinning as he felt his sheath begin to stiffen. It was strange though...he didn't remember Tam's shoulders being this broad...

"Conor?" Tam's voice hissed, but to the leopard's horror it didn't come from the beast he was groping. He looked up and saw the fox standing in the doorway, a look of horror on his face. Conor stared in confusion at him for a few seconds, then back at the beast he was still groping, realization dawning with a sudden sickening jolt.

"Oh...oh shit!" Conor grunted, pushing away from the still comatose wolf. "I was groping your straight friend!" He said in horror, struggling to get out of the bed. In his haste though, he had tangled his feet in the sheet and ended up falling flat on his muzzle on the floor with a heavy thud, grunting in pain.

"Oh babe...I'm so sorry...are you alright?" Tam asked, helping the leopard up from the floor.

"Yeah, I'm alright." Conor said sorely, rubbing his jaw. "What the hell is going on?" He asked. Tam pulled him into the lounge and explained to him what had happened, the leopard only stopping him for a moment to go and retrieve his pants from beside Tam's bed.

"I'm so sorry about all this Conor. I didn't expect you to come around tonight, I really didn't." Tam said apologetically, but Conor just smiled ruefully.

"That's okay. At least Kingston was there to look after Vic." He said, shooting a glance at the still-comatose wolf in the next room.

"Even though it was Kingston's fault in the first place." Tam replied, and Conor giggled.

"I still can't believe they took him to Spiro's. What were they thinking?" He said, and Tam just shook his head.

"Who knows what those two think."

"At least he won't remember me groping him." Conor said, and Tam laughed weakly, exhausted.

"Yeah, we should probably keep that to ourselves." He said, and Conor giggled again, but there was something about his face that told Tam something was wrong.

"What is it?" He asked, and Conor sighed.

"I came around to tell you...I'll be going away for a few days."

"What? What's happened?" Tam asked.

"It's my dad. He's getting worse." Conor said simply, his voice hollow, and Tam understood. Conor's father lived alone a few miles out of Coker, and he had been unwell for quite a while. It was only a matter of time for him, according to the doctors, but the old snow leopard stoutly refused to leave his home, so Conor had to travel out there every now and then to look after him. Unfortunately, there was very little he could do to offer help to his father, apart from to just be there.

"Oh hon...I'm so sorry." Tam said softly, placing a paw on Conor's knee softly. "Do you need me to come with you?"

"No...not this time. I might just go alone." Conor said, turning his face to Tam, and he could see the snow leopard's eyes were shining with tears, even in the half light of the gloomy apartment. "It might be...it might be the last time I get to go, so..." Conor said, and his voice sounded in danger of breaking as he said it.

"Conor..." Tam whispered softly, and he hugged the leopard close to him, feeling his lithe form quiver with sorrow in his arms. "I'm here for you." He said quietly after a while, holding the leopard as tight as he dared, trying to comfort him.

"I know." Conor said, smiling sadly as he broke from the embrace. "I just thought I'd come and say goodbye before I went...but..." He said, looking into Tam's bedroom, where Vic still lay.

"Hey, don't even worry about that. I just want to know you'll be okay." Tam said.

"I will be." Conor said, and the two of them kissed softly, and the fox felt the wetness on his muzzle from the snow leopard's tears. They embraced silently for a while, until Conor finally broke the embrace, still trying to smile even though he was crying. "I should get going...I said I'd be there by ten."

"Okay. I'll be here when you get back." Tam replied, and Conor smiled, but hesitated as he went to rise.

"There was one thing, Tam..."

"Yes?"

"You never told me why you left home to come here." Conor said, and Tam sighed.

"Conor..." He said, but the leopard interrupted him.

"Please Tam. You never talk about your old life, and now Vic shows up, and its like you're trying to hide something...please tell me." Conor whispered, and Tam hesitated, looking at his paws. He made up his mind, getting to his feet and crossing to the bedroom, closing the door and blocking Vic from view. He padded back to Conor and sighed again, pausing to look up into Conor's eyes.

"You know I come from a very long way away Conor, from overseas. Life there is...very different from Coker. Very different in a lot of ways. We're not as...free at home as we are there." He said, gnawing his lip nervously. "We place a lot on men being masculine, being the strong and tough ones. Our whole lives are based around how strong we are, how hard we can fight, how hard we can drink, how fast we can drive, how young we can do it. We always have to be the best, no matter what, and that's what makes you a man. People like us...aren't accepted back home like we are here. We still had regular bash-the-fag incidents at our school, and they never even did anything about it. They just paid no attention to it...they said that sort of thing was sick, sinful, that they got what they deserved. It wasn't masculine." Tam said bitterly, spitting the word like it was acid on his tongue. "To be gay is unthinkable where I come from. It shames the whole family, and it's not uncommon to be disowned for it. For something like that to get back home...well, I could never go home again. I would never be welcome there ever again. Vic was one of my closest friends from back home, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't disown me too." Tam murmured sadly, looking at the bedroom door as he said it. "I...I just couldn't take it any more, all the hiding and the lying. I had to leave, had to get out, so I did. I hid it for so long...it felt great to finally be free, to do what I want...I never even wanted to think about home again." He said, running a paw through the thick fur between his ears. "And I was doing so well until Vic showed up again." He said, laughing weakly.

"Oh Tam..." Conor murmured, his jaw set grimly. "I never knew."

"I know. I wanted to keep it like that." Tam said.

"Well you're here for me, so I guess I'm here for you too. I love you Tam." He whispered, pulling the fox close.

"I love you too Conor." Tam whispered into Conor's ear. They held each other for a while, until they finally broke apart, both smiling softly.

"I should go..." Conor said sadly

"Okay. Will you be alright?"

"Will you?" Conor replied, and they both laughed softly. The leopard still looked distracted though, as if there was something else.

"What is it?" Tam asked.

"One day...I'll leave Coker. You know that don't you?" Conor asked. "One day I'll leave, and you and me will travel together. But for now..." He said, leaving the sentence hanging.

"I know." Tam replied, smiling softly. "For now we'll stick around." He said, and Conor's face seemed to brighten a bit. They padded silently into the bedroom and retrieved the rest of his clothes, then kissed softly, quietly, before finally breaking apart, their stares still full of longing.

"See you in a few days." Conor whispered, and made his way out of the apartment. Tam sighed and looked down at where Vic still slumbered, a vague smile on his muzzle. Remembering the grope he'd seen the wolf receive from his mate Tam grunted, feeling a pang of jealousy.

"Don't know what you're grinning about." He murmured to the sleeping wolf. "You're straight." He said. He couldn't be bothered setting up a bed on the couch, so the exhausted fox just got undressed and crawled into bed beside the wolf, although he made sure he faced away from him. It wasn't the first time they'd slept in the same bed, Tam thought vaguely, but it was first time they weren't both drunk. Tam felt a slight twinge of guilt as he remembered Conor; he hadn't told him the whole truth. He hadn't said he'd left because he'd been tired of being unable to ignore anymore his undeniable attraction to his new jock friends...but he didn't need to worry him with something as trivial as that, right?

Tam grunted and closed his eyes tight, feeling some of the pressure on his shoulders lifted for finally telling Conor the truth...maybe he could get some real sleep now, he thought, letting himself drift at long last into slumber, unsure of who would be in his dreams tonight.

****

A single shaft of light broke through the gap in the curtains like a golden spear, revealing dancing dust motes in the air as it fell across the room, right across Tam's eyes as he slept. He opened one eye blearily and winced, groaning as he tried to shift out of the sun's path, but it was no good. He sighed and sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes, wondering what time is was, when the recollection of what happened last night suddenly hit him.

He looked at the other side of the bed, but it was empty and cold, with no sign of Vic. Tam sighed and rubbed his head, remembering the horrified look on Conor's muzzle when he had realized that it wasn't Tam he was groping. Poor cat...he hoped he'd be alright alone for a few days, but he'd said he didn't want Tam to go with him.

Tam was still exhausted, but he knew he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep. He glanced at the clock and saw it was only mid-afternoon, and he didn't have to be back at work for a few hours still. As he rolled over in bed he saw the picture of himself and Conor on the nightstand, and he groaned. He hoped Vic hadn't seen it, that he had still been to dazed to understand what it would tell him. He knew the wolf was naïve, but there was no way he could miss the message in that photo, not with the satisfied grin on Tam's muzzle as he groped Conor.

He grabbed it quickly and shoved it under the bed, and as he looked up he saw Vic was standing in the doorway. Tam sat up and tried his best to look innocent, but the wolf seemed to notice nothing wrong, just standing there with a sheepish grin on his muzzle,

"Hey Tam..." He said, still looking a bit shaky. "Guess I had a bit to drink last night, huh?" Tam opened and shut his mouth a few times, unsure of what to say. Should he tell Vic the truth? How would he react? More importantly, what would he say? 'Hey Vic, my gay buddies thought it would be funny to take you to a gay bar and you almost got raped in the ass. By the way, I suck cock too!' He probably wouldn't take that so well, so the fox settled for the easier option.

"Yeah, looks that way." Tam said wretchedly, and Vic grunted. He crossed the room a little uneasily and flopped down onto the bed beside Tam, looking up at the ceiling.

"Man, I don't even remember what happened." He said, shaking his head ruefully as he looked up at the ceiling. "One minute I kinda remember being with Kingie and Penn at this bar...and then, nothing." He said, chuckling. "How the hell did I end up here?"

"Oh...Kingston and Penn bought you by work as we were closing up." Tam said, thinking fast. "You weren't in a good state, so I thought it would be best if you slept it off at mine."

"Aw thanks mate. You always look after me." Vic murmured.

"Hey, it's not the first time you've crashed in my bed. And it probably won't be the last." Tam said, and Vic chuckled.

"It's funny, you always looking after me, when I'm the one who's supposed to be the jock." Vic said quietly, and Tam just smiled, looking up at the ceiling with half-closed eyes.

"Hey, you've looked after me a few times too. Remember Brett, back in high school?" Tam asked, and he heard the wolf laugh softly.

"Of course I do. That jackass was always hassling you." Vic said, Tam shifted uncomfortably. The wolf didn't say anything about what Brett used to hassle him about, though, did he? He never did, not once. He had always been like this; more than once Vic had saved him from a couple of guys looking for a 'fag' to bash, but he'd never once mentioned the allegations to the fox.

The wolf hadn't changed one bit since high school, had he? He'd got a bit wider in the shoulders, a bit taller, but he was still just as clueless, just as jock-y as he always had been. And just as cute, his mind added as a footnote, but he ignored it. And yet Tam...Tam had changed so much. He had left home and he had flourished, became proud of what he was, gained so many friends that shared his secret...except to them it wasn't a secret. And here, in Coker, it wasn't a secret for Tam either. But to Vic...it had to stay a secret. He was the one link to his old life that existed, the one link to the person he had been.

He could hardly make a link in his mind though, between who he had been and who he was now, between the him in the picture under his bed, and the him who Vic had had to protect back in high school, the shy little fox who was terrified of the secret he had to keep from every one. He had changed so much...and Vic was just like he had always been. Tam sighed, glancing sideways at the now-silent wolf, noticing for the first time the necklace he wore, almost hidden in his thick fur.

"What is that?" Tam asked suddenly, his mind rebelling at the image of Vic wearing...what he was wearing...

"Oh this?" Vic asked, vaguely fingering the string of rainbow-colored rings around his neck. "Kingston gave it to me. Said it looked good on me, would get me a lot of tail around here." Tam opened his mouth to reply, but thought the better of it, staring back up the ceiling again. Wow...he was going to get Kingston for that. Sure, wearing a pride necklace around Coker was bound to get you some tail, but probably not the kind Vic, or any straight man for that matter, was looking for.

"It's been good coming to see you Tam. Home just hasn't been the same without you." Vic said, and Tam smiled.

"It's been good seeing you too." He said. Really complicated, awkward and terrifying, yeah, but it had been good seeing him again. "Pity you have to go in a few days."

"Yeah, I've got to keep moving, or else I'll never leave this place." Vic said quietly. He was quiet for a few minutes, the silence filling the room, before he finally spoke up again. "This really is a beautiful town. It must be great to be here, out in the big wide world, trying all these new things. You've really changed a lot since I saw you last."

"Thanks." Tam said, unsure of what to say. This didn't sound like Vic talking...his voice was uncharacteristically soft, and it almost sounded...sad, in a way.

"I mean it. When I saw you, I almost didn't believe it was you. I couldn't believe you were the same little fox who used to help me with my history homework..." Vic said, and his chuckle almost sounded a little nervous. Tam cocked an eyebrow, slightly confused. Why would the wolf, usually so collected and in control, be nervous? When he didn't say anything in reply, the wolf forged onwards, his voice shaking a little. "You never did belong back home, Tam. Coker is more the place for someone like you. Where you can be...different, where you can be yourself." He said, and Tam froze. Oh gods...he'd figured out his secret, hadn't he? He took a deep breath to steel himself, thinking desperately of what he could say...

"Vic, I..." Tam began, forcing himself up to lean on his elbows, but the wolf cut him off.

"Seeing you here Tam, seeing you so free...it makes me jealous." Vic said.

Tam turned to face the wolf, confused, just in time to see Vic leaning in and kiss him right on the muzzle, his eyes closed tight as he pressed his lips to the fox's. Tam's mind emptied like the bottom had dropped out of it, staring wide-eyed in shock at Vic as he kissed him. Oh gods, he thought, what was going on? All this time, he had been trying to keep his secret from Vic...and now this?

Could Vic have been gay all this time? What did he think he was doing? Did he even know Tam was gay, or was he just trying his luck with an old friend? All these thoughts and more ran through Tam's skull, but for some reason the only one he could seem to hear was perhaps the least important one - 'why was Vic such a bad kisser?'. Without really knowing what he was doing, Tam pressed a little more of himself into the kiss, letting his eyes close as he felt his face flush, his lips still pressed close to Vic's.

Tam's mind was still blank, still shell-shocked from the kiss, and he just kept letting it go on, ignoring the alarm bells going off at the back of his head. Vic seemed to respond to Tam's kiss now, his lips parting and his tongue slipping past Tam's own. Tam gave a grunt of surprise as he felt his tongue and Vic's own brush in his mouth, still unable to believe what was going on. Vic? He kept asking himself, Vic? Not the wolf he used to tutor, not the wolf he used to get drunk with, not the wolf he went to school with, went on a road trip down the east coast with when they were nineteen...it just didn't seem possible. Not the wolf he used to have a private crush on...

Oh gods...

Tam let his head lay back on the pillow and felt Vic press his muzzle down onto him, his kiss growing more passionate as he breathed heavily through his nostrils, both their eyes still clenched shut. Tam felt the soft brush of Vic's paw on his chest on the other side of the sheets, a brush which moved south slowly, slowly...Tam grunted and arched his back as a paw that quivered with nervous energy softly stroked his rapidly swelling sheath, a stroke that turned into a grope...

"Vic, no..." Tam said, breaking the kiss suddenly, sitting up in bed and looking at the wolf. For the first time, the wolf opened his eyes again, saw the look in Tam's eyes. Vic was still for a few seconds, staring wide-eyed at Tam, and the fox could see the pain and fear in his old friend's eyes. He looked longingly, entreatingly to Tam, but he just shook his head. Suddenly the wolf broke his gaze, turning away and stumbling off the bed, mumbling apologies as he went, and Tam was sure he could tears running down the wolf's cheeks.

"Wait, Vic, please!" Tam called out, but the wolf paid him no heed, rushing out of the apartment and slamming the door in his wake. Tam closed his eyes and ran a paw through his fur, feeling even wearier now than he had last night...what had just happened?

****

"You're joking, right?" Jake asked, head on one side as he looked at Tam. The two of them were standing in the alleyway behind Calcutta's kitchen, each having a quiet cigarette as Tam told the husky of what had happened with Vic in hushed tones. It was only a few hours after Vic had rushed out of Tam's apartment, and the sun was shining in earnest overhead now, although its rays did not penetrate into the alley where they stood.

"I wish I was Jake, really." Tam replied, rubbing at his head where it was starting to throb. The two of them stood right beside the steam vents from the kitchen, relishing the slightly damp warmth as a few beasts struggled to carry stock inside nearby. Tam had really needed someone to talk to after Vic had rushed out, so he had given Jake a call, hoping the husky would have a few words that could help ease his mind.

"So you and Conor are still...?" He asked, and Tam rolled his eyes.

"Yes, Jake, We're still together."

"Hm. So what are you going to do about Vic then?" Jake asked, and Tam shrugged, ignoring the little 'hm' Jake had just given him.

"I don't know. I mean, I don't even know what Vic thought he was doing. What do you think I should do?"

"Watch it you twat!" Jake barked suddenly as one of the beasts carrying stock stumbled and nearly dropped the box he was carrying. "Day staff." He grunted to Tam exasperatedly, looking to the heavens as if for strength. "I think you should talk to Vic first, make it clear to him that you're not available."

"It's not that easy...Vic doesn't know I'm gay." Tam said, and Jake looked at him.

"And he kissed you?" He asked, and Tam nodded. The husky scratched his jaw thoughtfully as he thought over his next few words. "Why doesn't he know you're gay?"

"I never told him." Tam replied, and Jake snorted.

"Just because you never told him doesn't mean he couldn't work it out himself. The tight jeans, the fact you find no women attractive, the fact all your friends are gay, surely he picked up on one of these."

"Apparently not."

"Oh come on, how naïve can you be?"

"He didn't realize Kingston was gay." Tam said, and Jake's jaw almost dropped.

"Wow. Okay. Um..." Jake said, looking unsure for the first time. "What, even when he was wearing that mesh singlet?" He asked, but Tam just nodded. "Holy hell..." He murmured, scratching behind his ears. "Okay, I see two possible reasons your wolf did what he did. Number one, he's just pulling the whole 'curiosity on holiday' thing, and for some reason he figures it's best to try it with an old friend. Number two, he's always had the hots for you, he was just too damn stupid to realize he was gay until just now."

"So what should I do?" Tam asked.

"My advice is, sit the wolf down and talk to him. Tell him if he's gay, you're taken. And if he's just curious, give him a slap around the chops." Jake replied.

"What?" Tam said, taken aback.

"Oh come on." Jake snorted. "If he's just curious, he either has no idea what the word subtlety means, or he thinks you might be gay, and is one of those jackasses who thinks all gay guys will take any cock that comes their way." Tam blinked once or twice as he looked at the husky, suddenly at a loss for words. It was a strange feeling, to have a problem, that had seemed so complex in his head laid out so simply for him, but there it was, in black and white. Or so he hoped...

Jake saw the hesitation on his face and smiled softly, putting his paw on Tam's shoulder to try and reassure him.

"Trust me. The best thing to do in this situation is sit down and talk to this wolf, no matter how scary it might seem."

"I suppose so." Tam said, but without much conviction to his tone. It was not a conversation he was looking forward to having...and it was getting more and more daunting every time he thought of the look on Vic's face, just before he had fled.

"Hey, trust the word of an old dog, aye?" Jake said, grinning toothily. "And remember, failing him, you'll always have me." He joked.

"Oh yeah, you'll always be my number one husky." Tam said, smiling a little, even though his stomach still squirmed inside him.

"Damn right." Jake replied, sounding satisfied. There was a grunt behind them, and the crunch of broken glass, and the husky turned, cursing, and went off to berate some poor beast who, by the sounds of it, had lost their grip on something fragile and expensive. Tam watched his retreating back for a few seconds, another worry just on the tip of his tongue, but he let it die there.

There was something else he wanted to ask Jake advice about...but the strange thing was, he couldn't put words to the unknown concern gnawing at the edges of his consciousness.

****

The only place Tam could think of where he might find Vic was at his motel, and that was on the far side of Coker. It was a fine afternoon, golden rays of the setting sun warming the crisp mountain air, so Tam decided to walk. As he walked though, he found himself thinking again and again of the life he had left behind before he came to Coker, of those who he had left behind.

In particular one memory stood out vividly at the moment, which was strange, considering that it was one he'd seldom thought about...it was about Jay, that great hulking mountain of a lion who Tam had met that day in the locker room. The reason that it was strange was because whenever Tam thought of Jay usually, there was only one memory that really came to mind. After what had happened, it was hard to remember him in any other way, but today it was different.

They memory in question was one only a few months out of high school, back when the three of them had been fresh from high school, before Tam had decided to leave home and go globetrotting, despite the consternation of his parents. Vic and Jay had both ended up getting football scholarships to the same university, Holt, but Tam had decided to put college on hold for a few years, going and getting himself a job waiting tables. Of course, with the fox working and his fiends studying all the time, they hardly ever saw each other, so they had decided that at least one night a week they had to get together for a drink or two, just to catch up of course, gleefully taking advantage of the fake id's they'd been able to obtain for themselves.

The had been at one of the local pubs, the Fox and Ferret, and after a few pints Vic had decided to answer the call of nature, leaving Tam sitting with Jay. As the wolf had walked away, Jay had warned him jokingly to look out for anybeast that might be checking him out in the bathrooms, and Tam had had to force a strangled laugh as he stared into his drink. He had only been out of high school a few months, but in that time his mind had been opened to a world of diverse possibilities, and it was then that he started to seriously entertain the notion he might be gay.

"You're joking right?" Tam had said. "You aren't actually afraid of...gays, are you?"

"Afraid? No." Jay had said, rolling his eyes. "It's not like I'm scared of them or anything. I don't mind them, honestly. It's just, they're so...weird. Different, you know? You never know what they might be thinking about you."

"So you think there's something wrong with them?" Tam had asked, feeling his stomach twist in something like fear.

"Hey, it's their choice, I don't care. But you know, if, for example, wolfie turned out to be gay, I wouldn't be able to sit around and have a beer with him. It would just be too weird." Jay had said, shrugging it off off-handedly, not even noticing how crushed Tam had looked. At that point Vic returned, and the conversation changed again, although Tam didn't say much at all after that.

That was the first time Tam realized just how far apart he'd grown from his friends, just how much he might have lost, all those friendships, just because he was gay. It was a sobering, and extremely saddening thought. That was one of the last times he ever talked to Jay, ever saw him again, before...

Tam sighed, trying to steer his mind away from those thoughts. He kept his mind as blank as possible as he walked the rest of the way to where Vic had told him he was staying, still unsure of what he was going to say to his friend when he got there. Finally he found the motel, just on the very edges of the inner urban sprawl of Coker before the buildings began to give way to houses. He stood outside for a few minutes, still unsure of what to say and the feeling of fear growing in his gut with every passing second, but eventually he steeled himself and decided he had no other choice. Like Jake had said, it would help to talk about it...

Wouldn't it?

He made his way to the front desk and found out where Vic's room was, searching for a few minutes before he finally found it. When he arrived at the wolf's hotel room he knocked lightly, feeling the door shift under his paw; it wasn't even closed.

"Vic?" Tam asked, hoping his voice wasn't shaking too much. "Vic, its Tam. We need to have a talk." He said as he pushed the door open, seeing a few packed bags sitting just inside the door. Vic must have been making ready to leave, Tam thought, and as if to answer this thought the wolf appeared suddenly in the doorway to an adjoining room, a look of shock on his muzzle. It quickly turned to one of shame as he saw Tam, the wolf seeming to shrink a little as he stood there, not meeting Tam's gaze.

"Vic..." Tam began, but the wolf cut him off, still with his eyes firmly on the floor.

"I'm sorry Tam...I shouldn't have done...that. You didn't have to come and see me. I'll be gone soon." He said quietly, and Tam sighed, still unsure of what to say. What was there to say? He had left his home just so Vic and the others would never find out he was gay...and here was Vic, kissing him like that...

"Vic, wait. You don't have to go." Tam said, but Vic just turned ad made to disappear into the bedroom again. "Vic, please!" He said loudly, and the wolf paused in his tracks. "Why...why did you kiss me?"

"I'm...I'm not gay." Vic mumbled, quick and quiet as if he was afraid someone would hear.

"Well you could have fooled me." Tam said, trying to laugh, but the sound just coming out strangled and weak.

"It's not like I find guys hot...it's just, you and me have been close so long, and when I saw you the other day, in the lobby of that hotel, something just clicked in my head." Vic said, his eyes still not even glancing at Tam. "I just couldn't stop thinking about you, about how you looked, and how it would feel to...I couldn't stop myself." Vic said, the silence in the room almost deafening as Tam sought for something to say.

"Oh Vic..." Was all the fox could think of, and he saw the wolf sigh heavily.

"I'm sorry Tam, I'll go. Don't worry, you won't see me again."

"Vic, I don't care!" Tam snapped suddenly. "I don't care if you're gay, or if you're straight, or what you are!"

"But...you don't mind?" Vic asked, at long last raising his eyes up to Tam's face. Blue...hard blue. That's how Tam remembered those eyes, twinkling glacier-blue like fresh ice, chilly and cold, tough and strong...he wasn't used to seeing those eyes full of tears, looking unsure, afraid. It scared him, made him realize just how upset the wolf must have been, and how afraid the wolf must be that Tam might think he was gay. And right then Tam knew he could never tell Vic the truth.

"This..." Tam began, pausing to sigh and gather his thoughts, "This place isn't like home Vic. I know a lot of...different people out here, and if you let something as little as that bother you then you'll never get anywhere. I don't care, really. You're my friend, and I wouldn't want something like this to get in the way of that."

Vic smiled softly at Tam for a few seconds, his face finally creasing in a sad half-grin.

"Thank you so much Tam...I wasn't sure what I was thinking when I did that. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..."

"Hey, we're past that now." Tam said, sensing the wolf was about to start rambling again. "It's cool." Vic opened his mouth, looking like he about to say something else, but he seemed to decide against it, choosing instead to just smile softly. "So are you going to stick around for a while longer then?"

"I can be here for a few days more I guess...if you want me." Vic replied.

"Of course I want you...here. In Coker, I mean." Tam said awkwardly, his attempt at tact failing miserably. "I just didn't want you to leave like that, that's all." He said, and Vic just grinned.

"As long as we're still friends." The wolf replied, and Tam nodded, smiling, although his brain was screaming inside his skull in horror and fury at his mute tongue. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't just come out and say those two words to the wolf: 'I'm gay'.

What was he going to do now?

****

A few hours later Tam was climbing the stairs to Base, trying his very best to keep his mind completely blank of thoughts of Vic, and his own inability to say anything to the wolf. He supposed he felt sorry for the wolf, in how hard this must be for him to go through...he remembered vividly going through pretty much the exact same thing, not so long ago...

The fox sighed wearily; his only option now to stop thinking about it, was to immerse himself in work, and he had a few meetings coming up in the next few hours, so at least for that short time he could keep his mind focused on work, and not on...anything else.

When he finally got into the club he saw it was only sparsely populated, and the young Dalmatian behind the bar looked bored. Tam had learnt, in the last few days and through a mix of lightening-fast gossip and some personal reconnaissance, that his name was Ajax, and that, yes, in fact he was gay. He was just thinking he had to remember to tell Kingston when Ajax motioned him over to the bar.

"Your friend is waiting up on the balcony for you." He said, his paws moving quickly as he polished glassware in front of him.

"Friend?" Tam asked, confused.

"You know, the husky that always wears those tight jeans." Ajax replied, grinning and winking to the fox.

"Jake? What's he doing here?" Tam wondered aloud, but the Dalmatian just shrugged. Tam made his way to the balcony and found it empty except for the husky, who was standing at the very edge of the balcony. It took Tam a second to realize what he was doing, but when he saw the husky draw back a golf club above his head and take a swing, he realized Jake was hitting plastic golf balls off the roof and over the street below.

"Jake?" He asked, and the husky turned around and gave him a short wave.

"Ah, Tam, I was wondering when you'd turn up." He said, turning back to hitting the balls off the roof and out over the street.

"What are you doing?" Tam asked, standing just behind the husky as he took another swing at the practice ball and knocked it sailing across the street below.

"Practicing my follow-through." Jake replied, and Tam sighed.

"Yes, but why here?"

"Because my bar doesn't have a balcony like this." Jake said simply. "Your boy Ajax let me up here."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, said I was waiting for you. He's not silly that boy."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, when I first came in I said that you told me he was the one to see for a case of syphilis." Jake replied, smirking, and Tam groaned. When the two of them had worked together, their favorite trick was to send new, inexperienced staff members to other bars to ask for a case of, say, syphilis, which they would claim was some kind of Italian wine.

"You didn't?" Tam asked.

"Oh yeah, but he just laughed and said he knew that one already."

"Yeah well, when he first started I tried to send him to find some left-pawed tongs and a long wait."

"What about steam for the coffee machine?" Jake asked, sniggering, and Tam couldn't help but laugh.

"That only ever worked with Toni." He said.

"Yeah, but it worked so well with her." Jake laughed, pausing to take another strike at the ball. "So, how did it go?"

"What?"

"Talking to your wolfie." Jake said as he lined up another ball, wiggling his hips as he positioned himself, doing his best to sound nonchalant, but Tam saw his ears perk in sudden interest.

"Oh...good." Tam said wretchedly.

"Good?" Jake asked suspiciously as he drew back once more to strike at the ball.

"I didn't tell him." Tam said just as Jake swung, the wolf staggering off balance as the club left his paws. The club sailed out of view over the balcony, and Tam heard the shatter of glass and a bark of surprise below, but all he could see was the look of angry shock in Jake's eyes.

"You what?" Jake asked simply, apparently completely oblivious of his lost club.

"I didn't tell him I was gay."

"Oh. Oh that's funny." Jake said, his lips drawn and tight. "You're making a joke now. You're saying you did the exact opposite of what I told you, just to get me upset. That's funny Tam, that's hilarious." He said, although there was no trace of humor in his voice whatsoever.

"I'm serious Jake." Tam said quietly.

"Well why didn't you tell him?" Jake asked loudly.

"He just started talking about how he wasn't gay, and he'd made a mistake...it was like I was home again, like being gay was wrong again!" Tam said defensively.

"Gods Tam, do you really believe that?" Jake snorted. "That we're all wrong, that we're all sinners, all sick and evil? Do you actually believe that tripe?"

"Of course not..." Tam mumbled.

"Then why didn't you tell him?" Jake asked loudly, clearly mystified.

"Because he just started saying about how he wasn't really gay...how it was all a mistake, that was all...I didn't see any reason to tell him." Tam muttered.

"Tam..." Jake said, quiet now. "Damn fox, is this just a game to you?"

"What?"

"Is this all a game, a laugh? Is you being gay just a fun little vacation for you, something for you to do on holiday? Are you just experimenting?"

"Jake...you know me better than that..." Tam began, but the wolf cut him off.

"Do I? I thought I knew you, but obviously not. The Tam I knew was honest, he didn't care what others thought of him, of who he was. But you, you're just playing, just fucking around." Jake spat. "Are you going back one day, back to being straight, normal, back to fitting in with people who hate you for being different? Is this just a joke to you?" Jake asked, sounding angry, angrier than Tam had ever heard him before.

"Jake, please..."

"No. You might just be playing, but we're not. We don't have that luxury, that ability to go back to our old lives like nothing has happened. You have to decide what you really are Tam, and you have to be honest. You have to stop fucking people around Tam, especially people like Conor. I care about you Tam, and so does Kingston, in whatever fucked-up way he cares for things, and that cat loves you more than anything, but if you're just going to fuck us all around, then maybe you should just go back to your old life. Maybe Coker isn't the place for you." Jake said, his voice cold, brittle now. Tam sought for a few seconds for something to say, some rebuttal or challenge, but there was none. He had nothing to say, just a sinking, painful feeling that Jake's words had left on his heart.

"You think about that Tam." Jake said when Tam didn't reply, shaking his head as he looked at him. "Excuse me now. I have to go find my club." He said, walking away and leaving Tam alone on the cold, icy balcony.

****

It was night-time now, the interior of Base full of beasts looking for a little holiday fun, be it the carnal kind or not, but Tam was finding it hard to keep him mind on the job. After only a few hours in the bar he had left the others to it, his performance severely affected by his distracted thoughts.

Standing in the DJ booth he could see Ajax juggling bottles as he made drinks, and he couldn't help but smile despite himself. The kid was good, really good at what he did, better than Tam had been at his age, and the crowd around the bar were loving it. The Dalmatian was cocky, but he had a lot of reason to be, Tam thought, cocking an eyebrow as he tossed, then stalled a bottle on his muzzle, a trick that it had taken Tam years to learn.

He was good enough to manage the other staff while Tam looked after the myriad of other things that kept the nightclub running smoothly. At the moment, from his place in the DJ's booth he could see the whole dance floor from above, and keep a weather eye on any trouble that might be beginning below. Not that it was particularly needed tonight, the crowd on the floor was depressingly small. They had been quiet all night, especially for a Friday night...that meant Saturday would be huge. It was not something Tam was looking forward to, not if he was as distracted as he was tonight.

It took him a few moments to notice, but Tam slowly became aware that the vibration he could feel in his thigh was out of beat with the music, and he realized someone was calling his cell phone. He nodded to the DJ and ducked out the back of his booth and into the backrooms of base, his heart giving a little jump as he saw the caller id on the flashing screen; it was Conor's number.

Back here, the music of the nightclub was muffled, muted, and Tam could feel his ears ringing a little at the sudden lack of sound as he stared at the screen. It was with more than a small jolt of guilt that he realized he hadn't even spared a thought to him for the last two days, his brain far too distracted by everything that had been going on with Vic. How was Conor...and how was his father? Tam hoped everything was alright.

"Hello?" Tam said, doing his best not to sound exhausted.

"Hey fox." Conor replied, and even over the sound of the music coming through the walls Tam could tell he was as tired as he felt.

"How've you been?" Tam asked.

"Oh, you know. Just dealing to a few things." Conor replied, and Tam thought he could hear a hint of sorrow in his voice.

"Hard few days?"

"Um. Yes." Conor replied, with a short, bitter little laugh. "I'll be back tomorrow night, so don't come looking for me before then, ok?"

"Ok..." Tam replied, thinking it was a strange request, but brushing it aside. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm...I...yeah." Conor replied, sounding preoccupied, like his mind was elsewhere. "You at work?"

"Am I ever not?" Tam joked, but he wasn't sure if he heard Conor laugh on the other side of the line. It was probably just the music in the background.

"Did...did you talk to Vic?" Conor asked suddenly.

"Yes." Tam said truthfully.

"Did you tell him you were gay?"

"Um..." Tam hesitated, and he heard Conor sigh.

"You said you would..."

"I know!" The fox snapped suddenly, and then instantly regretting it...he hadn't meant to be so harsh, but it had just come out before he could stop himself. "I know...it's just complicated."

"Oh." Conor replied shortly, without any emotion in his tone.

"Look...I'll explain it all to you tomorrow. I promise."

"Ok. You'd better go back to work." Conor replied.

"Ok. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow night. But yeah."

"Ok...love you. Goodnight." Tam said.

"You too. Night." Conor said, and there was a click as the line went dead on Conor's end. Tam pulled the phone away from his ears and stared at it for a few seconds, feeling confused and more than a little angry. Why was Conor getting angry at him? He didn't understand how tough it had all been for him the last few days, the shit he'd had to put up with.

Tam sighed, rubbing his weary eyes with his paws; now he was in a position he never wanted to be in. He was angry at Conor, because he couldn't just trust Tam to sort out his own problems, and he was angry at Vic for bringing Tam's old problems to Coker...and then creating some more for him to boot! He felt his teeth grit sharply in his mouth as he tried to control his temper and calm himself.

He had traveled to get away from his problems...he was ashamed to admit it, but he just been running away. He had come all this way, across land and ocean, solely to get away from the complications in his life...and they had just caught him up. He could still remember the day clearly in his mind, when he had decided he would have to leave him home.

It was almost one full year after they had graduated from high school, and Tam had just finished work one morning when he got the phone call. A tearful, broken voice on the other end of the line, words barely comprehensible, words that had to be repeated before Tam realized that it was Vic, before he realized what the wolf was saying.

"Tam...you have to come, it's terrible, you have to come...it's all over, he's gone..." Vic had been rambling, over and over, his words running together and mixing clumsily, like melting wax of a dozen colors.

"Vic...Vic, slow down, what is it?" Tam had asked, struggling to get a word in edgewise.

"It's Jay...he's dead!" Vic had choked, and the one thing Tam remembered was the feeling of his whole body freezing, his lungs contracting, his heart stopping. When he had heard Vic's voice he had known something was wrong, but he had never suspected this...nothing could have prepared him for that, those horrible words.

'He's dead, he's dead, he's dead...' The words kept running through Tam's skull for the rest of that week, the horrific mantra keeping him numb through that horrible time. It was a messy week indeed; Jay had had many friends, and they were all devastated, but none more so than Vic. The two of them had been friends since they had been cubs, and Vic was inconsolable; Tam could tell why.

Jay, Vic and one of their college buddies had been drinking one Saturday night, and they had decided to go out driving. Vic had training early the next morning, so they had dropped him home before going on. For some reason unbeknownst, Jay and his friend had decided to see how fast they could take their car, and taking it around a corner they lost control of the car. The police estimated later they had been traveling at around 110 miles an hour when they came around the corner and struck the centre island. The car had become airborne off of this and slammed into a power pole, right on the passenger side where Jay had been sitting.

He had been pronounced dead at the scene, five minutes later when the police finally caught up to them; apparently they had already been on their way to apprehend the car after a callout when they had crashed. It was at the funeral though, when Tam had finally realized just how much he had changed.

He had been standing there, crying softly as they had carried the coffin out of the packed church, among all his other friends from high school when the revelation finally dawned. They hadn't even been a year apart, since they had all gone on to college, but they were just the same as they always were, the same guys who loved Tam like a brother, but hated 'faggots'.

He had hoped, that with time, they might change, but it was him who had changed and them that had stayed behind. He wanted them to accept him for what he was, for being gay, but he knew they would never accept him. They were all like Jay in that way; if one of their friends were gay, then they were no longer friends. And what did he have to expect from everyone else? The rest of the people from his home?

The town he came from was small, set in its ways; those who were different were not welcomed, especially not gays. And of all those who hated change, who hated anything other than the norm, none disliked it more so than Tam's own family, especially his father. No, Tam couldn't come out, not in a town like this. If he wanted to ever stop living the lie that was his life, he'd have to leave, run away, flee like the coward he was.

And so Tam had left, just tried to get as far away as humanly possible, so he could try and start anew. Maybe when he came back, they would finally be ready to accept him for what he was, for who he was. And if not, then he just wouldn't come back again. He'd never told anyone why he was leaving, he'd just...left.

He'd just run away.

Tam rubbed at an ache in his eye with the flat of his palm, and was surprised to find a damp patch in the fur under his eyes; he didn't remember crying, and he wasn't now, but thinking those thoughts, about the life he left behind...it must have just been too much.

He straightened up stiffly, rubbing the rest of the tears from his face and straightening his shirt to go back out into the club. He couldn't spend his whole night out here, he had work to do. Again, he pushed everything back down inside of him, tried to keep his mind clear and blank, and focused on his job. Before he went back out however, he promised himself just one thing. He'd go and see Conor tomorrow, and he'd tell him everything.

****

It was with a slightly stiff frame that Tam awoke the next day, struggling into the shower as he tried to fight against his own unresponsive muscles. The night had never actually gotten busy, but it was just one of those nights that had dragged on and on. On top of that there was a problem with the security com-pieces, so while Tam was yelling about a fight inside into his radio, the doormen outside were completely oblivious. This had led to Tam and Ajax, as well as just one other security guard, having to remove two extremely drunk and extremely irate patrons, not an easy or pleasant task. At least he hadn't been vomited on, like Ajax had, he thought with a little smile.

That hadn't stopped the Dalmatian from making a new friend that night though; Tam was more than a little surprised to see the little cheetah from reception, Kay, making eyes at the dog as he was juggling bottles, and when Ajax asked for an 'extended coffee break', Tam knew exactly what he meant. He had given him twenty minutes, and he was back in fifteen, grinning like a maniac. Kay stumbled back through a while later, looking more than a bit sore, but still grinning broadly.

Tam couldn't help but smile at Ajax's antics, but unfortunately the way Kay was left walking only made him wonder at the proportions the Dalmatian was packing...perhaps another piece of info Kingston would probably appreciate. Ajax was still young though, and there was no fucking that compared to the type that hyena dished out; he would definitely learn a thing or two from Kingston. Tam certainly had- and it had taken much longer than fifteen minutes, and he hadn't even been able to walk afterwards. His grin had been broader than Kay's though, he thought with a hint of twisted pride.

Tam dried himself quickly and got dressed, half-looking forward to and half-regretting seeing Conor. He wanted to see his mate again, but he was also loathe to tell him everything that had been going on, to explain everything. He supposed he had to though, he owed him that much.

It was chill outside, but not too bad with the sun shining brightly in the cloudless sky. It was just after midday, and the streets were busy with cars and pedestrians, all bundled up against the cold. Tam's breath hung in the air as he made his way to Conor's apartment, his eyes bright and shining as they watching for dangerously icy patches on the pavement ahead of him.

Tam turned onto a wide, fully paved boulevard called Casper Street, full of shops and cafes, all busy from the tourist season. Conor's apartment was down here, set above a cozy little jazz bar, which was a nice place to go and drink a bottle of wine after work, which the two had done many a time. A balcony in the leopard's apartment looked out over the street, although the view wasn't quite as good as Tam's view of the ski slopes. The curtains on the balcony windows were closed, so Tam guessed the leopard wasn't home yet.

Oh well, he thought, he didn't have to be at work until late tonight, and he had a key to Conor's. He would just let himself in, get ready, and be a nice surprise for when Conor finally showed up...

As he climbed the stairs to Conor's room though, his heart started to beat faster. He didn't want to tell him everything...but he had to. All about Vic and Jay, why he left home, what had happened with Vic while he was gone, he had to tell it all. He had to be honest with his mate.

As soon as he let his key slide into Conor's door though, and opened it just a fraction, he knew something was wrong. There was a burst of hot air into the cold corridor, which told Tam there was someone home already, but instead of the burst of happiness he expected to get, he just felt a sense of foreboding.

Hadn't Conor said he would be home until tonight?

Tam crept into the apartment silently, leaving the door open behind him as he crept through the apartment, mind blank, thoughts numb, eyes wide, until...he froze as he saw it, the trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, the bedroom where he and Conor had lain so many times before. There was only one thing that left a trail of clothes like that...the bedroom where Tam and Conor had lain as mates before...except Tam wasn't there now, was he?

Tam crept closer to the bedroom, counting as he went two pairs of shoes, two pairs of pants, two of shirts...he neared the door way, the door almost closed, and his heart stopped altogether, falling to ash in his chest as he looked within. He could see two shapes under the covers, rolling, pumping, grinding together, the sound of heavy breathing and grunts loud in his ears.

Condensation dripped down the windows, the bodies radiating heat from the rushing blood in their veins. Nostrils sucked at air as throats moaned, sweat ran thick as fur brushed and mingled. The scent in the air was definitely male, sweat and musk and the unmistakable smell of semen, so thick in the air it was a slap in the face...

Suddenly Tam was outside, leaning on the closed door, breathing hard. He didn't even know how he'd got out here; he must have no longer been able to take those sights, those sounds...how could he? That bastard! Tam felt like crying, but instead he raged, a fury unlike any other mounting in his chest. He'd told him he'd loved him, said it so many times...and now he was doing this?

He'd told him not to come early, he thought furiously...he should have known something was up. But he'd never had any reason to doubt or question the snow leopard...until now. Had he even gone to see his father, or had he used the sick old man as an excuse to do this for the last few days, to rut unashamedly?

Tam was angry, he was heartbroken, and he just wanted to yell his fury to the skies, scream until his throat was raw, he wanted to punch something, anything, until his fists were bare and bloody. He wanted to kill everything, and he just wanted to die.

He steadied himself against the door and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself, but that only served to focus his fury into a needlepoint. He had loved Conor, he had with all his heart, and he had betrayed him. The tears would come later, he knew they would, but now, he knew exactly what he wanted to do.

It was petty, and stupid, and cruel, but this just made him want to do it all the more.

He wanted revenge.

***

Tam was hurrying down the hallway, his heart in his throat, his breath coming hard and fast, his mind screaming at him to stop, but his spurned heart goading him onwards, making him speed his pace. The message had already been sent, and hopefully he wouldn't have to wait when he finally got to his room, hopefully he wouldn't have even a second to calm down and think this through...

This was brash, and reckless, and downright stupid...and that's why he was doing it.

He rounded the corner and his heart gave a guilty jolt as he saw Vic standing by his door, his muzzle twisted in a quizzical look as he saw Tam.

"What was so important? You said it was urgent." Vic asked, sounding concerned, but Tam said nothing, just pulling the shocked wolf into a tight kiss, pressing his lips tight against Vic's. When they broke apart finally Tam saw the look of shock on his face, the look of glazed horror in his eyes as he held a paw to his lips.

"You still want me?" Tam asked simply, his mind recoiling in horror at his mouth.

"What?" Vic breathed.

"Do you still want me?" Tam asked, savagely now, his anger turning him into a completely different person...

"Tam...I...why the sudden change?" Vic asked.

"Never mind that, do you still want me? Yes or no?" Tam asked, and Vic gaped for a few seconds more, before finally nodding. Tam grinned in satisfaction at this, fumbling in his pocket for his key, opening his front door and letting the wolf in.

As soon as they were inside Tam was pulling at the wolf's shirt, kissing him passionately, forcing him backwards into the bedroom and backwards onto the bed. The kiss, usually a gesture sweet and gentle, was bitter and harsh, Tam's fury making the wolf taste ashen in his mouth. If he was going to do this, he wanted to do it as quickly as possible, before the anger wore off and he realized what he was doing...

His tongue danced and mixed with Vic's as his paw strayed south, gripping the stiffening length he felt in the front of the wolf's trousers...it was funny, he thought vaguely, all these times he had mused about the length of his friend's member, and he was about to learn first hand.

"Tam..." Vic began, breaking away from the kiss, but the fox just put a paw over his muzzle, shaking his head.

"Please Vic, don't say anything. Nothing at all." He murmured, kissing the side of the wolf's neck as he continued to stroke his shaft through his trousers, his rapidly thickening meat beginning to strain at the fabric already. Vic let out a little whimper as Tam began to undo the front of his pants, his paw dancing down the fly as he made an easy opening to stick his hand into, reaching inside the dark recesses as he listened to the wolf grunt and mumble.

This was nothing like how he and Conor made love, Tam thought as he continued to stroke Vic's shaft, its length coated in slippery precum already. Or how they used to make love, he thought darkly. There was no feeling here, or at least, none for Tam. This was just getting off...

He finally undid the rest of Vic's trouser buttons, pulling forth his shaft to the light, getting his first glimpse of it...he had surmised correctly, all those years ago. He had always imagined the wolf this size, the thick girth and pleasing length, and a knot that shone heavily in the light. Vic was struggling to pull off his own shirt as Tam went to work on his new discovery; it was when the wolf had his shirt halfway over his head that he first felt the fox working on his shaft, his deft little pink tongue teasing it's whole length.

Vic groaned and grunted, Tam smiling as he heard him making the sound, his body lying parallel to Vic now, his muzzle wrapped around his friend's shaft. His eyes shot wide suddenly as he felt paws on his own belt, and his own pants were pulled around his ankles before he could make a move. He looked down to see Vic grinning broadly, pulling away Tam's jockeys now, leaving his lower-half bare.

Using his tongue to coax Tam out of his sheath, the wolf began to give his own back, albeit with a lot less experience than Tam. Still, the feeling made Tam redouble his efforts on Vic's shaft, and within a few minutes he felt the wolf begin to buck his hips and breath harder and faster, and he felt a grin grow on his lips. However, before he got the milky explosion he had expected from the muzzle-fuck, instead he felt the attention on his own shaft disappear, and suddenly he had his head pulled away from Vic's cock.

Even all these years after high school Tam was still no weight to the muscular wolf, who picked him up without effort and dangled his head over the side of the bed, gripping his hips tightly in two paws. Confused, Tam looked up just in time to see the wolf bury his muzzle beneath the fox's tail, making him shudder and moan in surprise. Was this still Vic? Tam wondered, confused as he shook in bliss, the wolf's tongue darting in and out of him.

Finally he stopped and he was pulled back up onto the bed, his head spinning as he looked up at the wolf.

"I thought you weren't gay?" Tam asked breathlessly.

"I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about this..." Vic said nervously, but Tam just laughed. "And I figured you'd want some lubricant..." He said, making Tam freeze, but just for a second. He could forgive the presumption, just this once, because he was new to this.

"Yeah..." Tam said, flipping over onto his stomach and pressing his rump up into the air as an offering to the wolf, one he hoped would be worthy. He didn't want anything else tonight except to be filled, violated, treated like nothing...that's how he felt after Conor had treated him like that. All he wanted now was a good hard fucking...

He heard Vic's breath quicken as he felt the tip of his cock press against his tailhole, and he whimpered as the wolf slowly slid the head of his cock into him. The was no playing or teasing with Vic, just the whole thing thrust inside in one powerful movement, making Tam cry out in surprise and pleasure as he did so. Vic forced his member in right up to the knot, pausing when he was almost fully inside, his breath shuddering and quivering.

"You good?" Tam asked, looking back over his shoulder at the wolf penetrating him, who just nodded, his face a picture of bliss. With that, he started into a slow, steady stroke, Tam breathing hard with each stroke.

"Harder..." Tam commanded, and he felt Vic oblige, moving into a faster, harder stroke to sate his friend's hunger for cock. He grunted and began to pound hard into Tam's ass, feeling the fox stretch and shift to accommodate his girth as he worked it deeper into him. Tam clenched his eyes tight and tried to block his brain out, tried to just focus on the feeling, the joy of revenge...his tongue was lolling out to one side as he was fucked, grunting as his arousal grew.

He had never been fucked like this, with merely the pure feeling of being fucked, degraded, of being owned by another being while they had there way...this was primal, raw, fucking. Not making love, not mating, just pure fucking.

Tam felt Vic speed up his pace into his rear, felt his hips buck irregularly, and knew he was close to the point of no return. What he didn't expect though, was for the wolf's paw to snake around underneath Tam and paw at his shaft, gripping his tender knot hard, almost cruelly. Tam gave a yelp and shuddered, a jolt of pleasure going through his body.

Vic worked his knot at he got closer and closer to the point of no return, his thrusts becoming more pronounced and deeper. This was what he wanted, Tam told himself, the revenge he was looking for...he heard Vic grunt, then again, felt his grip grow tight on his knot, and then one last thrust...

He felt the force of the wolf's seed fire into his gut, feel it filling him up, the wolf's knot pressed right up close to Tam's tailhole but going no further, the sensation of the shuddering, quivering wolf's member inside him pushing him to orgasm as well, his hips bucking and back arching under Vic, the wolf's weight forcing him down as he came, his own seed spraying across his chest and muzzle, his brain awash with numbing joy as the wave of orgasm swept through him, leaving every muscles shuddering and twitching.

The stayed in that position for a few minutes as they caught their breathes, both dripping sweat and semen from their efforts, until finally Tam could take it no more and collapsed, feeling stretched and worn from Vic's efforts. He went face first onto the mattress , and felt Vic collapse on top of him without a word, his giddy eyes already half-deadened by slumber. He looked to Tam, and went to open his muzzle, but Tam shook his head.

There was nothing to say, nothing worth saying, so for now, he just let the wolf sleep.

***

Tam was still lying beneath Vic maybe an hour or so later, watching his gently slumbering face, trying to work out how it was that he felt. Did he enjoy his revenge? It was hard to say...was it worth it? Perhaps. He had gotten what he wanted out of it...but what did Vic expect from that, he wondered. What would he think when he woke up? Oh well, he thought, that was a question to be answered then, not now. There was still a wrench of regret though, that made his skin crawl a little, but he shook it off.

But what of his revenge? He had wanted to get back at Conor, but what purpose had it served? He was still angry at the leopard, but also confused...why had he done that? How could have he, after all they had done and said, all that talk of love and kinship...was it all lies? Tam sighed...he'd know when he saw him next, he promised himself that. He wouldn't let this get any more complicated...

Tam heard a gasp, a choke of horror, but it did not come from Vic's throat, not while he slumbered. Nor did it come from his own throat...he looked up and saw Conor standing in the doorway, his eyes wide and jaw dropped. Suddenly, all that rage and fury disappeared as he saw the tears in Conor's eyes, and the regret hit him like a solid weight.

"Conor...wait..." Tam said, struggling for something to say, but there was nothing he could muster.

"I came...to surprise you..." Conor managed, shaking his head.

"Please!" Tam yelped, but Conor was already gone, running through the apartment. Vic mumbled and grunted as Tam rolled out of the bed and went after the leopard on shaky legs, but by the time the fox got to the door is was closed, and Conor was long gone. The only thing that was left was the collar, the collar Tam had given to him last Christmas, discarded on the carpet by the door. It was still warm in his paw as he held it tightly, still full of heat from a body that was no longer there.

****

Tam's knuckles were sore as he rapped on Conor's front door, sore from gripping his fists so tight as he rushed over here. He was so tense, so worried, that he had paid no attention to anything but getting here as fast as possible, and had more than once nearly been run down by traffic.

What had he done? He asked himself for the millionth time since he had left his apartment, left Vic alone there. As the snow leopard had left Vic had climbed out of bed, and when he saw the look in Tam's eyes he finally understood, finally figured out everything at once. It must have been a very sobering thought, to realize that all at once, seeing the leopard's back as he left the apartment...

"Tam...I'm...I never knew..." He had mumbled, but Tam had nothing to say, his throat tight and constricted. He had just dressed and left the apartment as fast as he could, without another word to Vic, who sat on the edge of the bed in silence too, just following Tam's progress with sad eyes.

All the hatred and fury from before was gone now, a distant memory from what seemed an age before. He still felt betrayed, and angry that Conor had betrayed him, but when he saw that look in his eyes...all that was forgotten. Not forgiven, but forgotten...they had both wronged, and now Tam wanted nothing more than to apologize with all his heart, and the two of them go on living their lives together.

He knocked again, desperate now, and felt his heart soar as the door opened. It was not his leopard however; it was Kingston, and he did not look pleased to see Tam.

"He doesn't want to see you." Was all Kingston said, his arms folded and his voice flat as he leant against the doorframe, barely concealed hostility flickering in his eyes.

"What?" Tam asked, thrown off balance by this.

"You heard me. He doesn't want to see you." Kingston repeated, harder this time.

"I need to see him..." Tam began, but the hyena just cut him off.

"That's nice. You can't though."

"Kingston, please..."

"Tam, you think after what you did, fucking your 'straight' friend while Conor was away, you're in my good books? Let alone how upset Conor is...why don't you just leave?" Kingston growled.

"This isn't your business, Kingston." Tam said.

"Oh isn't it? Conor was my friend first." He replied.

"And I love him!" Tam cried.

"Well so do I. Like a brother. And I would never betray him like you did." Kingston said, and Tam snorted, unable to take any more.

"Oh, and how about how he treated me?" Tam snapped.

"What?"

"Didn't he tell you?" Tam snarled, tears in his eyes. "I wasn't the only one cheating today!"

"What are you talking about?" Kingston asked.

"I came here earlier today, and I walked in on him fucking someone in our... in his bed!" Tam barked, and he saw Kingston's paw fly to his mouth. "Or didn't he tell you about that?"

"Tam, that wasn't him..." Kingston began.

"Oh, sure it wasn't." Tam barked. His anger was returning now, washing away his regret...he was sick of this. "Don't try and protect him." He hissed, seething with anger, jabbing his finger at the Hyena.

"No, Tam, it wasn't him." Kingston breathed, his face no longer hard, but wide-eyed and shocked. "That was me and Penn...we were house sitting for Conor while he was away...he didn't even get back until this afternoon...I'm so sorry..."

The words were washing past unheard though, the bottom slowly falling out of Tam's brain. The Hyena's tough bravado was gone now, his eyes wide and shocked as he stared at the suddenly numbed fox.

"What?" Tam choked, feeling like someone had just pulled away the ground beneath his feet. What had he done? It was all a mistake... Tam had let his heart rule his head, made him do something wild, something stupid. And in one fit of jealous rage, had he destroyed the relationship with the man he loved? How could he have been so damned petty? What had he done?

"Where is he?" Tam croaked, but Kingston just shook his head.

"You can't see him." Kingston said, licking his lips nervously

"Damn it Kingston, let me in!" Tam barked.

"No, you can't see him. He's not here!" Kingston replied, looking slightly scared at the fox's outburst.

"Well where is he?" Tam asked, on the verge of tears now.

"We don't know. His phones off. He just rang us to tell us that if you showed up we were tell you that he didn't want to talk to you." Kingston replied. "I'm so sorry...he'll come back in time, just let him cool off."

"Yeah." Was all Tam could muster, turning to walk away.

"I get him to call you when he gets back." Kingston said to Tam's tail as he left, his head drooping down forlornly. "Will you be alright?" He asked, but the fox was already gone, his mate's collar still clutched in his paw.

***

Tam's apartment was cold when he finally got back, Vic long gone, leaving no trace but his scent in the air and a few straw hairs in Tam's bed. He must have walked out after Tam had left...who knew where he was now? Tam walked into the bedroom and looked down on the bed, on the mess of sheets and tangled blankets, and suddenly he couldn't hold it in anymore.

He sat on the very edge of the bed and put his face in his paws and began to weep, his tears running thick and fast between his fingers, soaking his fur. He wept and wept until his eyes hurt and stung, and his lungs were ragged and aching, and still all he felt was more pain, more sorrow, increasing with every second. What had he done? He'd made a stupid mistake, and because of it, he'd lost his mate, the man he loved, the one whom without he'd be nothing. And then he'd made another stupid mistake, a cruel and petty move, and he'd lost one of his closest friends.

How must Vic feel now? Tam remembered how terrifying it was to suddenly think you might be gay, and your first time...to be used like that, how could have he? What had Tam become? He had been foolish, stupid, and cruel; he could blame anything else, from Vic showing up to Conor trying to force him to do something he didn't want to, even to Kingston for rutting in another's bed, but eventually it all came back to him.

It was his fault, what he'd done, and now he was going to have to live with his mistakes. He'd lost his love, and his friend...all because of his pride, his fear and his jealousy. What had he done?

"Hey kiddo." A soft voice said close by, Tam's head shooting up suddenly to see Jake standing in the doorway, trying to smile.

"Why are you here?" Tam asked, trying to scrub the tears from his eyes, feeling ashamed that Jake had seen him like this.

"I heard. Wanted to make sure you were okay." He said, taking a few step closer, but warily, aware of how fragile Tam was.

"How did you hear?" Tam sniffed.

"Word gets around fast." Jake shrugged. Tam nodded without any expression, almost holding his deadpan visage until his face crumpled, the tears coming thick and fast again.

"Why did I do it Jake? I fucked up, I fucked up so bad, and now I'm afraid he's gone, I'm afraid I've lost him." Tam wept, his words barely comprehensible he was weeping so hard.

"Hey. Sh...sh." Jake said, sitting down beside the shaking fox, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him tight to him. Eventually, the husky coaxing him gently, Tam calmed down, still sobbing gently into the expensive fabric of Jake's suit jacket. "I don't know Conor very well, but from what I've see of you two, and what Kingston tells me, he loves you a lot. If he loves you even half as much as I think, you have nothing to worry about. He just needs some time to blow off some steam, and then he'll come back. I don't know what he'll do then, but at least he'll listen to you."

"I didn't mean to fuck it up so badly..." Tam mumbled.

"I know. And there's no doubting it, you did fuck up. Royally so." Jake said, his voice half-stern, half-joking. "But if you're really sorry, then all you can do is plead your case and hope he loves you as much as you do him." He said, and Tam sighed, rubbing his eyes again, trying to clear the tears from his fur.

"And what about Vic? I used him...I can't believe I treated him like I did." He said.

"You need to do the same thing; just be honest, apologize. It'll be harder for him to forgive you, but if you're really as good friends as you say, he'll forgive you." Jake said. "I'm not going to lie to you Tam, you fucked up; you did some damage, that'll take some time to heal, but the first thing you have to do is apologize."

"I know." Tam said, sniffing. "Thanks Jake."

"Of course, I don't know why I'm giving you any more advice, since you're probably going to do the exact opposite of what I tell you, just like always." Jake muttered, and Tam gave a sound that was meant to be a laugh, but sounded more like a snorting cough. "See, I knew I could get a smile out of you." Jake said, grinning.

"It's easier to follow advice in theory than practice, you know." Tam croaked, his throat sore and tight.

"You want my advice?" Jake asked, looking sidelong at the fox. "Then don't get on any planes, boats or go driving into the night. Don't leave without saying goodbye, and I know this will be hard for you, but try not to do anything bloody foolish." Jake said.

"What?" Tam asked, confused, and the Husky just pulled a face.

"This. All this, this thing, this story." Jake said, waving a paw in a circular motion in the air. "It's all coming up to the dramatic climax, and I want to make sure I still see you next week." Tam couldn't help but let out a laugh, a short, weak little thing that sounded alien to his ears.

"Funny. But real life isn't like a story Jake, there doesn't always have to be a dramatic climax." Tam replied.

"And there aren't always happy endings either kiddo, so good luck." Jake said, getting to his feet and ruffling the fur between Tam's ears playfully. "You going to be alright?"

"Yeah...I suppose." Tam said, sniffing again, still trying to clear the moisture of tears from his fur. "Thank you Jake...I needed someone to talk to."

"Well I'm always here for you." Jake murmured, his paw still resting on Tam's head. "And if I come into Base tonight with my staff after I close up, I'll trust I'll be seeing you behind the bar?"

"I'll be there somewhere." Tam replied, and Jake laughed.

"Good boy. Be strong. And remember, like I always said to you, honesty is the best policy."

"Thanks grandma." Tam said before he could stop himself, but Jake just chuckled, flicking Tam a wave as he sauntered out of the apartment, leaving the fox sitting alone, but not feeling as solitary as he had before.

****

As much as Tam didn't feel like working that evening, it was Saturday night and he had to be there. He couldn't try and get out of the busiest night of the week, and Tam could tell it would be just that as soon as he walked into Base. There was something in the air, like the nightclub was expecting it already, like the whole place was holding its breath, waiting for what lay ahead.

Tam wasn't officially managing tonight, that was Terra's job. The two of them would swap positions every few hours though, one in the bar to watch over the bar staff, and one floating around to try and keep everything in order.

It was nearly midnight now, and Tam was standing in the DJ booth again, hoping like hell his com-piece would be working today as he watched the club fill up from wall to wall. It was still early, but already the club was full, and the line outside extended all the way down the stairs; Tam knew, he could see it from here.

He caught Terra's eye while she was behind the bar, signaling to ask if she wanted to swap position, but she just grinned and shook her head no, making Tam sigh. He would much rather be behind the bar tonight, instead of wandering around aimlessly, waiting for something to go wrong. In the bar, he could have kept himself busy and his mind focused, but at the moment Tam couldn't help let his thoughts wander to his mistakes, how much he regretted them, and what he had to do...

He sighed, leaning heavily on the railing in front of him, looking down on the crowd below as they writhed and danced as one unified beast. As much as he wasn't looking forward to it, he wanted to see them both, to try and explain and ask for forgiveness...he didn't want to lose either of them, not his mate or his best friend. He wanted to see them as soon as he could...just as he thought this though, he let his eyes wander to the entrance way, and felt them bug out of his skull.

He didn't mean this soon...there in the door was Vic, searching the bar with his eyes trying to look for Tam. The fox swore, struggling to get out of the DJ booth and down to the floor. He wanted to see the wolf, so he could apologize, but he never thought he'd come to bother him at work! Tam made his way onto the floor and started pushing through the crowds of furs, trying to get to where he had last seen Vic, hoping he was still there.

This was the last thing he needed on a night as busy as this, to be distracted by personal affairs, but at the same time he yearned to apologize, especially to Vic, who he had just used to get back at Conor, for something he hadn't even done...

Tam finally found Vic, grabbing the wolf by the shoulder to get his attention, words pointless over the loud music. The wolf jumped when he saw Tam, a small light of happiness in his eyes quickly replaced by a rather sullen, bleak look. Tam gestured for the wolf to follow him, taking him out and away from the music, leading him out onto the smoking balcony, where the music was muted, and quiet enough for the two of them to talk.

"Vic, I'm sorry about..." Tam began, but the wolf just cut him off.

"You just used me to get at Conor, didn't you?" He said suddenly, the pain in his eyes evident.

"I...yes, Vic, I did." Tam said, remembering Jake's warning. Maybe it was better just to tell the truth? "I'm sorry. It was petty and cruel, and I shouldn't have abused you like that."

"So...you were gay all along?" Vic asked, the clues finally coming together for him. "Ever since Brett used to beat you up in high school?"

"I wasn't sure back then, but I suspected." Tam admitted, trying to hold the wolf's gaze, feeling the burn of shame grow hotter every second. He really didn't need this, he thought, not while he was working.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You know how things were back home Vic!" Tam said, exasperated. "They would have thrown me out if they'd known my secret, they would have disowned me! And if it got back now, they never would let me come home!"

"I don't care what they think of you Tam..." Vic said, his eyes narrowing. "Why didn't you tell me? I thought I was one of your friends." He said accusingly. Tam groaned, putting a paw across his eyes. Now this was just getting pathetic...he opened his mouth to reply, but there was a buzzing in his ear as his com-piece went off.

"Tam, it's Terra; you've got an incoming for the balcony." A static-laden voice hummed into his ear. "Ajax sent your leopard before I could stop him, he's on his way!" Tam's heart went leaden as he heard this, his brain freezing. This wasn't how it was supposed to go...he thought, completely devoid of any idea what to do. He was supposed to apologize in a heartfelt way to both of them, separately, not have them both walk into his work, where he was stressed enough already as it was.

"I thought I was your friend, Tam." Vic said again, sounding angrier this time.

"Vic, honestly, I'm sorry, but this isn't the best time..." Tam said distractedly, turning around just in time to see Conor step out onto the balcony, his face set angrily, taking in both Tam and Vic in a single glance, his muzzle only twisting in further fury.

"Conor, I need to talk to you..." Tam began, but the leopard didn't even look at him, just staring at the wolf.

"What's he doing here?" He asked, his voice strained by fury and, by the sound of it, weeping.

"He's here so I can apologize to him." Tam began, but Vic cut him off.

"No I'm not, I'm here because I want some answers!" Vic barked.

"Alright, how about why did you sleep with my mate?" Conor snarled, more angry than Tam had ever seen him.

"You're his mate?" Vic asked, eyes wide in genuine surprise. "Why didn't you tell me? I never realized it was that serious!" He said to Tam.

"Alright! I made a mistake...I thought you were cheating on me, so I just used Vic to get back at you! I did some horrible things, I know!" Tam said, feeling the pressure rising on either side of him. People were staring now, but he didn't care; he just wanted to say he was sorry to both of them, but he couldn't seem to get a word in edgewise.

"I can't believe you used me like that." Vic said, sounding cut deeply.

"You thought I was cheating on you? How could you?" Conor asked incredulously.

"Well when I walk in on two beasts going at it in your bed, I kind of assume one must be you!" Tam snapped.

"Oh come on, you could have at least checked before you ran off and used your friend here to get 'revenge'! It's not the first time Kingston and Penn have had sex there!" Conor barked, his voice rising angrily.

"What, in your bed?" Tam replied, shocked.

"Wait, Kingston and Penn are gay?" Vic put in, sounding mortified.

"Well done Sherlock, you finally figured it out." Conor snapped at Vic. "And what are you complaining about, they've had sex in your bed too!"

"They've what?" Tam yelped, all thoughts of apologizing gone now.

"Wait, who else is gay? Is anyone not gay?" Vic asked, sounding frustrated.

"That's rich coming from you, wolf!" Conor spat at him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Vic replied, growling now.

"You were so messed up on date-rape drugs you don't even remember almost getting picked up at the states biggest gay bar!" Conor snarled.

"What?" Vic screamed, and now there was more buzzing in Tam's ear, the fox trying to keep the two of them separated as he tried to calm them down, trying to listen to the message in his earpiece.

"We have a party by the bar, party by the bar" Terra's voice crackled through the piece, the 'party' code meaning only one thing; a fight, and a serious one by the sound of the urgency in Terra's voice. "Where the fuck are you, fox?"

Tam had had enough. He didn't have time for this, not while he was at work. Voices on either side of him were rising, becoming more irate, Vic and Conor both arguing, snapping and snarling at each other, at Tam, their voices working their way into Tam's skull and driving him over the edge. He had just wanted to apologize, but by them both coming here it seemed to have just made things worse...and still Terra was yelling into his ear, screaming at him...he couldn't take any more of it.

"Shut up!" Tam roared. "Both of you, fuck off!" He snapped. He had been holding both of them by the fronts of their jackets to stop them from jumping on each other; now he pushed back with all his might, sending them both sprawling. "Not right now!" He growled at both of them. Vic had his ears flat against his skull and his eyes were narrowed, but Conor looked like he had tears in his eyes. The wolf disappeared into the crowd before Tam could say a word, but Conor stayed there, staring at Tam and shaking his head.

"I loved you." Conor mouthed, barely audible over the sound of the music, the buzzing of Terra in his ear still asking for help. Tam stared at him for a few seconds, but the crowd around him were jostling, and he could see the fight inside was still not under control. And right now, he couldn't be bothered with anything Conor or Vic had to say, not after that scene.

"Not right now." Tam said, not even looking at Conor, the leopard, his mate, as he walked away from him, forcing his way through the crowd, leaving him there with tears in his eyes.

****

It was almost dawn now, the sky tinged with the grey half-light of dawn as the sun lapped at the edges of the mountains around Coker. Tam was sitting out on the balcony, trying to focus on a stack of order forms as he had a cigarette, trying not to think about what had happened earlier that night.

After the fight he had had with Vic and Conor the night seemed to go by in a blur, and before he knew it they were pulling up the lights and cleaning up, but Tam could hardly focus on anything, his insides feeling cold and grey. He couldn't believe any of it, it seemed so surreal...he just wanted to apologize. Why did everything always go so horribly wrong?

He sighed and put his head in his paws, wondering where Conor, where Vic was now. What was he supposed to do? Every time he tried to do anything it always just seemed to make it worse...he heard approaching footsteps and looked up, his face registering his complete surprise as he saw Vic standing there, a slightly ashamed look on his muzzle as he looked at Tam.

"I hoped you'd still be here." Vic murmured.

"What do you want?" Tam asked, sounding a lot more gruff than he meant too...he was just tired. Gods, when had he last slept properly?

"I just wanted to say sorry." Vic replied.

"For last night?"

"No, for everything." Vic said.

"What?"

"I only realize now how hard a position I put you in by coming here...I made everything very complicated for you Tam, especially when I...when I kissed you." He said, hesitating, his eyes flicking to his boots as he spoke. "And I'm sorry you didn't think you could have told me. We're friends Tam. You could have told me anything."

"I'm sorry too Vic." Tam murmured. "I shouldn't have used you...and I shouldn't have lied to you either." He said, getting to his feet and walking over to Vic.

"I remember...one of the essays you helped me with." Vic said slowly, his eyes flickering to the coming sunrise as he spoke. "It was that book about the Spanish guy, Don Quixote? Well there was a word that you made me use in the essay, Quixotic."

"I remember." Tam replied quietly, nodding. "It means to act idealistically, unrealistically."

"Exactly. I just thought that word described you exactly, at least over the last few days." Vic said, those glacier-blue eyes hard again, Tam feeling a shiver running through him, just from looking into them. "You were chasing the windmills of your ideals, instead of dealing with the problems at hand. You could have told me the truth, instead of all this smokescreen." Vic replied, sounding more than a little disappointed.

"I'm sorry Vic, for everything I did to you..." Tam said, leaving the sentence hanging, unsure what he should say.

"Well, if we're both sorry..." Vic said, holding out his paw, which Tam looked at, then disregarded, hugging the wolf tight to him. Vic tried to shy away for a second, before relaxing into the embrace, his heavy sigh loud in Tam's ear. They held strong and tender for a few seconds, finally breaking apart with shining eyes.

"None of that." Tam said, gesturing to Vic's paw. "You'll be leaving then?"

"Today. Have to keep traveling" Vic said, nodding. "I just wanted to say goodbye."

"Thanks." Tam said. "It's been good to see you. It's been...interesting."

"Yeah, interesting is an understatement." Vic said, smiling softly.

"Vic...I want to know," Tam said suddenly, looking into Vic's eyes. "Were you just curious, or do you think you might be...?" He asked, leaving the word unsaid. Vic stared at him for a few seconds, then shook his head.

"I still don't know Tam. I really don't." He said, shrugging. "But thank you anyway." He said. They said their farewells, and the wolf went to leave, but he paused. "Do me a favor Tam. Go back to Conor. You loved him, and him you, that much even I could tell. Tell him I'm sorry," Vic said, and even though his eyes were sad, his grin was that same broad, reckless jock grin Tam remembered from all those years ago. "And you never ever let him go."

****

It was after the sunrise now, the streets washed with pale gold as Tam hurried down them, his heart aching in his chest. Vic's words had got to him, and he had realized how much he missed Conor all in that moment. His longing had been tampered by the incident at work the night before, but now it was back in full force, his soul afire with sorrow and torture as he thought of the leopard that was missing from his life.

He made his way down onto Casper Street, passing the few beasts that were up already, out on early morning errands, paying them absolutely no heed; he was in his own world now, where only he and Conor existed, and the horrible obstacle that was everything that had happened in the last few days. He had to overcome it though, he loved Conor so much it hurt to even think of being without him.

He took the stairs to Conor's apartment two at a time, his heart in his throat as he reached his door. He rapped a few times on it, but there was no answer from within. He tried a few more times, but still nothing. He tried his key in the lock, and immediately as he opened the door he knew something was wrong.

It was a feeling of foreboding, a sense of something amiss in the apartment, but it wasn't the same as before, the last time he had let himself in. Today the apartment wasn't warm inside, it was cold, cold as the grave. There was a shrill toning from one of the rooms, the bedroom...it was Conor's alarm clock...

But if it was going off, why wasn't he turning it off?

Why wasn't he waking up?

Tam rushed through to the bedroom, his whole body suddenly gripped with a cold terror that made his palms clammy and his fur stand on end. He froze in the doorway, eyes wide in horror as he saw the leopard slumped against the bed, his lead lolling back lifelessly. In his lap was a lidless bottle of pills, the contents spilled across his floor, the rest doubtless in his gullet.

This isn't happening, Tam thought, rushing to his side, this isn't happening! Not now, not like this! The alarm clock was still buzzing shrilly, but Conor just wouldn't respond, he wouldn't wake up! Tam grabbed his head in his paws, forcing open his eyelids to look for any sign of consciousness, but his mate's eyes were rolled right back in his skull, just showing the whites.

A thin line of dried white spittle curled around the corner of his mouth, and Tam struggled to find anything in Conor's chest, a fluttering heartbeat, a rise and fall of a breath, but he couldn't find anything...maybe it was his shaking paws, or maybe there was just nothing there to feel?

"Help!" Tam screamed suddenly, his voice shrill and close to breaking. "Somebody call an ambulance! Help!" He yelled at the top of his lungs, shaking uncontrollably as he held Conor's still body close to his own trembling one, tears spilling down his face as the alarm rang on.

****

Tam sat in the waiting room of Coker's hospital, his legs jiggling endlessly as he waited for any news of Conor, his head buried in his paws. Someone, one of Conor's neighbors perhaps, had heard his screams for help and had called an ambulance. Apparently he wouldn't have lasted much longer, the paramedics said, but they still weren't sure about him as they rushed him to the hospital.

As they pulled into the hospital loading bay Conor had begun to flat line, and they had rushed him inside, forcing Tam to wait outside, torturing himself with every minute that passed over what had happened...it was his fault. He had forced Conor to this...first the problems with his father, then the stress of his job, finding Vic and Tam together, and finally Tam's treatment of him the night before...it had been too much for him, and he had looked for a way out...

Even thinking those thoughts made Tam feel sick, but it was the truth...the horrible, sickening, dark truth that he hated to think, but there it was. Undeniable, unavoidable, true. He sighed...would Conor still forgive him? He hoped so.

"Tam?" A nurse said, the nurse who had been bringing him cups of coffee every hour or so, the one who had been checking on him constantly. Hey, if the patient was on suicide watch, they had to watch the mate too, right? "Tam, Conor is awake now. You can go and see him. But be quick, he needs his rest. We still aren't sure how stable he is." The nurse said, and Tam thanked her. Walking to Conor's room on shaky legs, Tam tried to figure out what to say, where to begin...but as soon as he walked into the hospital room, there were no words anymore, just a blank space as he saw Conor.

If he didn't see the flash of recognition in the snow leopard's eye, he would have thought it was a different cat; he looked dreadfully thin and pale, that was the stomach pump they'd used to clean out his gut. He had thick dark rings around his heavily bloodshot eyes, even darker than those on his fur, and his ears and whiskers drooped, making him look forlorn and slightly pathetic.

"Conor..." Tam began, but the leopard just stared at him.

"I guess you found me then, huh?" He said, his voice dull and expressionless.

"I did...I came to say...but I found you like that, oh Conor..." Tam said, tears in his eyes.

"What did you come to say?" Conor asked, ignoring Tam's tears.

"I came to tell you I was sorry...about the mistakes I'd made, and the fool I'd been. I wanted to apologize, and ask you to forgive me..." He said, but Conor just laughed, short and bitter, like a cough more than anything.

"Apologize? Tam, you really think, after all this, we can pretend nothing happened, we can go back to the way we were?"

"What?" Tam asked, confused, tearful.

"I made a stupid choice Tam, I did a stupid thing, and this is where it landed me." Conor said, gesturing to his hospital bed. "And it just made me realize...you made mistakes Tam, and a lot of them. You hurt me. It's changed what he had Tam, we can never go back to the way you and I were."

"But...I'm sorry..." Tam stuttered.

"I know you are, but do you think that that changes it? Do you think you can just turn back time with the wave of a paw?" Conor replied. "I loved you Tam, but what we had...it's gone. What you did can't be undone, and my feelings won't just change back for you. I'm sorry."

"So am I." Tam whispered, closing his eyes tight and turning away so Conor wouldn't see his tears. He couldn't stand being in that room anymore, couldn't handle it for another second, so he rushed out before the leopard could see the shine of tears on his fur.

****

It was a cold day for a premature spring, the early blossoms freezing on the branches before the sun could thaw them out. The mountainsides of Coker resort valley were beginning to lose their snow, and the town was beginning to calm down now that the madness of the ski season was over. Therefore, the muted and rather sedated atmosphere that hung over the town rather suited the funeral, the mourners gathered on the snow that still remained, looking like crows against the white in their black garb, all eyes on the pastor.

"It is with sadness that we allow one of our brothers pass on today, but we must gain comfort that he lies now where he belongs, in the town where he was born and raised." He said solemnly, a low chorus of sniffles as he spoke. "And truly, we know he would appreciate that as a snow leopard, he is buried in the snow, the very last of the season. May his soul be watched over for all eternity, and may it go in peace to join those who have gone before." There was a chorus of agreement, then all eyes turned to the coffin as it was slowly lowered into the ground. There was an especially loud sob now, from a grey-furred hyena among the mourners, one who looked completely out of place in the suit he was wearing.

He was comforted by a husky at his side, who tossed an arm around his shoulders, his luxuriant fur already stained with tears. The earth was dumped back on top of the coffin and the mourners started to break away, leaving only a few behind to brave the bitterly cold air, for the chance for a few extra seconds to say goodbye.

"I never thought we'd be doing this." Kingston said, his voice thick with emotion.

"I know. But he had to go sooner or later. It was better he went quickly, without too much pain." Jake said, sniffing in a manner most different to his usual style and aplomb.

"Thanks guys. It means a lot you came." Conor said, looking down on the grave of his late father. He sighed, trying to hold back his tears. He had finally passed away a few weeks ago, and to tell the truth, it was a bit of a relief. At least he didn't have to worry about him anymore...

"We're going back to the car. You okay?" Kingston asked Conor after a few quiet minutes, his words breaking the snow leopard from his thoughts.

"I will be." Conor said, smiling weakly. He stood there alone for a while, staring down at the fresh earth, under which his father lay seven feet down, and he sighed. It was a few minutes later, as he was thinking over things, good memories and bad, when he felt another figure approach on his side. He heard the figure slow his pace, his paws crunching over the snow, his steps hesitate, then finally come to stand close to him, but not too close.

"You came." Conor said simply, and he felt the figure shift uncomfortably.

"Of course I did." Tam replied, clearing his throat. "How are you?"

"I'll survive." Conor said. There was silence for a few more moments, a prolonged, heavy silence, which Tam finally broke.

"The...the seasons almost over. The tourists are going home, so..." Tam began

"So you'll be going too?" Conor asked, his voice still deadpan, his eyes still on the fresh earth at his feet.

"Yes. And I want you to come with me." Tam said. It wasn't a question, or a request, it was simply a statement.

"What?" Conor asked, finally looking up at the fox, finally seeing the fear, the apprehension in his eyes.

"You told me once Conor, that one day you'd leave Coker, one day you'd travel. One day you get out of here." Tam said. "And that you'd travel with me." He added softly.

"Tam...that was before...I mean...what makes you think...why? What makes you think I even want you back?" Conor asked, stumbling over his words, shaking his head.

"Because you haven't sent me away yet, and the way Kingston and Jake were staring at me, I think you told them to leave me alone too." Tam added, licking his lips nervously as he shot a glance to where the hyena and the husky stood by the car park, watching Tam like a pair of hawks.

"Tam...I'm sorry, but I told you, we can't just go back to how we were..." Conor began, but Tam cut him off.

"I don't want us to go back Conor, I want to go forward. I just want the chance, just the chance, to see if there is anything left for us, anything at all." Tam pleaded, but Conor just sighed, looking at the ground.

"Oh." Tam said quietly, trying not to let his tears choke his voice. He looked down at his feet sadly, but as he went to walk away he felt something warm and firm wrap around his paw...he looked down and saw it was Conor's paw, and it was holding his tightly. He looked up, confusion written across his muzzle, and saw the cat's sad little smile, and his eyes brimming with tears.

"Come on then." Was all that Conor said, was all that needed to be said. Tam smiled too, tears finally springing from his eyes, but for a very different reason than before. The two of them walked away together, paw in paw, both of their hearts pounding and unsure, both afraid and wary, but mostly and above all, both just in love with each other.

It wasn't the perfect ending...but it was close enough for them.