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"I hate you!"

"She's gone, and she's never coming back!"

"Who do you even think you are!?!?"

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Those words echoed through my head that day. Repeating over and over, like someone had left a read-along of some dramatic book recording on loop at the same spot. Wherever I went, the same lines continued to ring out in my mind, as if hidden spirits were asking me, "Why?".

It hurt when the thought came to mind. It came back from time to time, even during breaks when I was around friends. It always came back.

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His name was Reks Elsman. He was a Salamander, skin as blue as the sky, his underside was a soft white from what I saw going down from under his chin and neck. He had fair blonde hair that usually hid behind a red bandana he always tied around his head. His golden amber eyes always seemed to glow, just that tiny bit, whenever the sun shone over his face. I knew him because we went to Elementary School together, in the same hometown of Heartlake. We were closest friends. The kind of friend where both would smile whenever they saw each other, laugh whenever they hung out with each other, and stick out for each other no matter what.

It was a sad thing though when we first got to Highschool in 2009. Reks told me that first day in English. I tried my best to smile, but every time my lips shifted, they would always tilt back down when I saw Reks' blank eyes as he stared down at the desk. When we moved on to Highschool, what little friends Reks had in Elementary... The only true friends he had never made it to the same Highschool that we went to. I wanted to say something that would help. But all I managed to say...

"It'll be alright..." Reks looked at me, his face expressionless, his lips parted as he stared at me. I could see the tears in his eyes, and my heart sank. Before I could think of anything else, the bell rang and Reks picked up his bag. He left before I could react, like always. I sat there at that desk for a while, as the clamour of students eager to leave roared around me,

I was stuck in a frozen trance as I tried to take in what I just saw. It was a while before the teacher noticed me asked me if anything was wrong.

I shook my head and left.

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In those coming years, Reks was a little more distant. I would stare out from where I hung out with the usual crowd in out "special spot" in the school grounds, and whilst all the gossip and conversation was being shared around me. I would see Reks sitting on his own at a desolate bench under the tree, his school diary in his lap and his pen in hand as he wrote hastily into the pages, his face as blank as ever.

I watched as evergreen leaves sailed upon the soft summer breeze past Reks. But I never did anything more than simply watch.

It hurts now, knowing I could've done things differently.

Reks and I still occasionally hung out in our spare time. I would always go over to his house, and we'd have fun doing the simple things we always did when we were younger. We'd go out to the field, play a quick game of Soccer against each other, or we'd go down to the park and race each other around the lake. We'd even go for a swim together occasionally.

But days went by and things continued to change. Matthew, one of the popular kids in school, asked me out in the ending weeks of the first term. Naturally, I said yes.

The other girls immediately began to hang out with me, and I couldn't sit near Reks anymore. The excuse I made was so that it gave him space away from all the gossiping girls. He didn't say anything. He simply smiled at me and nodded before walking away. But somehow, I felt like something was wrong.

And I was right.

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Eventually, my holidays became flooded by invitations to "Get Together" events at the movies. I began to spend more time with the popular people than I did with Reks. I remember one day when I was going to head down to the mall to meet up with some of my friends when the phone rang. I glanced at the study as it rang, my hand touching the doorknob as I stared at it.

It's Reks... I don't know what I was thinking. Looking back at this day from now, I feel more regrets come to mind. Regrets that continue to follow the same theme as I write them down even now. That day...

I turned the handle and walked out that door without a second thought.

I can imagine now how much it must've hurt for your best friend to ignore a phone call. I can imagine because Reks knew that I would be definitely at home at the time that day. I can imagine... A salamander letting go of the phone and letting it drop to the floor as tears ran down his face.

It hurts so much...

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When the Second Term of 2012 Highschool began, things clearly changed as Winter came. I was totally different. I completely forgot about Reks when I walked through those gates with my crowd around me. Reks' name was just another name I heard in roll call. I never acknowledged his existence from there on in. Reks meant nothing to me. It is so hard to admit that now, because we were once inseparable.

Childhood friends. It's not something you can easily dismiss.

I would occasionally see Reks in class and around school. We had classes together, and I would glance around. I would always see that one kid at the back corner of the room, next to the windows. Always the windows. His tail swaying slowly as he rested his face against his hand, his elbow leaning on the desk he sat at by himself as he looked out the window and watched the snow begin to fall, isolated from the class as they all conversed with each other.

I wouldn't look at him for long. I would simply glance around and notice that one kid who I had forgotten.

The childhood friend that I had abandoned...

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Losing contact from Reks didn't affect me at all. I never realized how alone he was at school. I had forgotten that first day in Highschool when he told me about it. I had forgotten nearly everything about him. I bumped into him once mid term on my way to my Primary Elective. We ran into each other by accident in the hallway. I was distracted by some friends talking to me when he came around the corner, his hands full with his books and school diary.

When I ran into him, he dropped everything on the floor. All the students in the hallway, some of them I didn't know, began to laugh at Reks as he knelt down pitifully to pick up his belongings.

I somehow recognized him a little bit at this point, but before I could say anything, my friends began to shout out insulting comments.

Reks stared at me pitifully with those same sad eyes, and the world around us seemed to melt away in haze of white light as I stared back. The atmosphere of the laughing and teasing students died away as I thought about Reks for the moment.

Suddenly I snapped back to reality when one of my friends nudged me. I forgot about Reks in that instant. I walked around him and headed off to my next class.

It was only when I reached the end of the hallway, I looked back at the intersection of the hallway.

But Reks was gone without a trace.

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At Heartlake High, the staff organized that on specific days, we would have "Year Group Assemblies". Year 7 on Monday, Year 8 on Tuesday, Year 9 on Wednesday and Year 10 on Friday, whilst the Seniors were free of such a thing. Year Group Assemblies were simply just marking all the roll call classes off in the hall before making announcements and giving out information to the year group specifically.

We had the usual one on the second last Friday of school. It seemed normal as the roll call teacher marked off my class' names.

When he marked of Reks, I glanced back at him, but he didn't notice me. I was about to turn away when I saw him turn to a girl in the line next to our one. She was a red fox with tied back short brown hair and a nose piercing.

I didn't hear what she said, but I knew it insulted Reks. He suddenly lunged out at the fox and tackled her on the floor, sitting over her and punching the girl across the face.

Everyone moved away and circled the two in shock as Reks stared at the girl with rage I stood up as well and watched in fright as Reks went berserk.

"I hate you! You fricking bitch!" Reks shouted out angrily as the girl covered her nose in anguish.

"My mother's gone now! You hear me!? She's gone, and she's never coming back!" Reks went on. He then shook the girl savagely.

"Who do you even think you are!?" Reks yelled out at the top of his voice before punching the girl again in the face.

A few students ran in, Matthew leading them, and dragged Reks off the girl whilst the rest stood by and incited the violence. The students bashed Reks up, kicking him in the stomach and beating him up until there was no more breath left in him.

By the time the teachers had sense to step in and stop the violence, Reks laid on the floor a few metres away from the fox girl he had punched in the face.

I saw his eyes as he looked up at me, just barely as he coughed and wheezed for breath. I put my hands to my mouth in fear as I stepped away.

Matthew stepped towards me and led me away from the scene as the teachers dismissed everyone.

When we were both a fair distance away from the hall, I stopped Matthew and told him something I should've said a long time ago.

"We're breaking up." I said to him bluntly, without a doubt in my mind. After a while of arguing, Matthew gave up and spat on the floor before walking away.

I went opposite ways to him with a sort of smile across my face.

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One day, after the end of the Second Term, I went upstairs after coming home from school and giving my report to my excited mother. I walked over to my desk and dropped my school bag next to it, turning it on and then logging into my Facebook when it was ready. The typical thing of teenagers those days.

When I was done checking my news feed, I went to my profile to write a status. But when the page loaded, I saw something that caught my attention. The first person to show up on my friends list was Reks Elsman.

I began to remember what had happened when I ran into Reks in the hallway, and how he snapped during the Year Group Assembly.

That day, the teachers suspended him for the rest of the Second Term.

My insides churned a little as my fingers rested on the keyboard, my furry striped tail swaying behind me as thoughts and memories began to cross my mind of that familiar salamander. An image in my head of his smiling face replaced the one on his avatar where he looked sad.

My hand moved to the mouse and I clicked on Reks' name instantly. The page loaded up and I stalked his profile for information, anything that would help me remember who he was to me.

Wall: Empty... Info: - Highschool: Heartlake High, 2012 - Sport: Soccer - Music: Piano - Books: Various Titles - Movies: Empty... - Television: Empty... - Games: Final Fantasy

- Activities & Interests: Board Games, Reading, Running, Swimming, Others...

• Basic Information: About Reks: Empty... Relationship Status: Empty... Birthdate: June 05, 1997 Sex: Male

Photos: (2) Questions: Empty... Notes: Empty... Friends: (1)

I sighed and sat back for a moment when I saw how plain Reks' profile was. Then I noticed that the only friend in his Friends List was me. Nobody else.

I bit my lip lightly for a moment and then set my fingers to the keyboard after clicking on the text box.

I began to write up a status to post on Reks' wall without looking away from the screen, my fingers striking the keys like mad as I made few mistakes and bashed the backspace key when I did.

When I was finished, I clicked "Share" and sat back as I watched the uploading symbol come up.

When it was finished, Reks Elsman had a new status post on his wall.

"Reks, I'm sorry for what happened earlier this term. Maybe we can hang out sometime?"

My life went on as normal from there. My parents congratulated me on my marks and everything and we all went out to dinner as a family.

In the back of my mind was that reminder of checking Facebook. But by the time I got home, the reminder had gone out like a light bulb. I was too tired and went straight to bed. I slept until the next morning.

8:23 AM June 05, 2012

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I opened my eyes suddenly and got out of bed straight away, racing towards the computer. I turned it on and began to curse myself for not remembering.

I loaded Facebook up and saw that I had one notification. I clicked it and it went to the status I posted on Reks' wall the day before. My heart sank when I saw his comment.

Reks Elsman "It's ok. Maybe some other time." 12 Hours Ago * Like

I shook my head and checked the date on my task bar.

5/06/2012

I stared at the date for a few moments and then shook my head defiantly. I stood up straight away and took a shower quickly, getting changed into some nice clothes before having breakfast.

When my parents got up, I told them where I was going. When I finally persuaded them, I walked out the door and waited at the bus stop for a while, my heart beats pounding as the rain poured down on me.

A man with an umbrella walked by soon afterwards. He was a fairly old dragon and looked me down with overlooking eyes. He then told me that the buses were on strike for the day. My heart hung heavy for a moment and then I nodded. I thanked the dragon for his advice and ran off, determined to get to the mall, no matter what happened.

Because no matter what Reks said, I couldn't miss his birthday.

When I got to the mall, I saw that most of them were closed due to a public holiday. I walked over to the wall and bashed my head against it lightly in despair. I stood there for a few moments before telling myself I couldn't stop then. I shook my head and ran through the mall, looking for a shop that might have something I could buy for Reks.

After so long, I ended up at a tiny jewellery store squeezed in between a surf shop and a fashion store. I sighed resignedly and stepped inside. To my surprise, I saw the old dragon from before, fiddling with a small amulet.

I stepped forward and looked at him. He looked up at me and smiled, and asked me if I needed any help. My eyes fixed on the amulet he was making. It seemed to remind me of Reks. It was carved out of sapphire, a glittering crescent wave of water in a swirling pattern on a silver chain. The dragon noticed my interest and told me it was for another person who commissioned it.

My heart sank. The dragon tilted his head when he noticed my distress. I told him that I really wanted that one amulet and he looked me over with intrigue. He then asked me why.

I told him everything.

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When I raced up to the door and reached the undercover refuge from the cold piercing rain, I caught my breath and checked the time on my phone.

1:05 PM

I put my phone in my pocket and rapped my hand on the door. A few seconds of waiting, I realized there was a doorbell. I sighed at my stupidity and rang the doorbell as well. I waited anxiously at the door for a few minutes as the rain poured down around me, cars driving down the street occasionally.

My spirits were lifted when I heard the door lock click and saw the door slowly open. Reks' older brother stood at the door and looked at me.

"Yes?" Hunter inclined as I stood there, drenched and dripping with water. My eyes glimmered for a moment. "Wait... I know you..." Hunter began. "I'm Reks' childhood friend... Remember how I used to come over all the time?" I asked him. Hunter's eyes lit up and he then smiled. "I remember now. You're looking for Reks?" Hunter asked. My heart seemed to jump in my chest. "Yes. It's his birthday today." I said happily.

Hunter let me into the house. He asked me if I wanted a towel to dry myself off, but I declined the offer as I quickly walked up the stairs, eager to see Reks as soon as possible.

I walked down the familiar hallway and remembered which door was Reks' room. I stood there for a few moments, staring at the door.

It was painted sky blue, with drawings and posters tacked all over it. If I missed it before, I would've seen that it was Reks' room anyway.

I twisted the door knob straight away without even thinking and I walked right in. Reks gasped when I did and he seemed to knock a portrait over.

He was wearing a black singlet and dark blue jeans, but not his bandana. He was hugging his tail childishly as he sat on the side of the bed. I stood there dripping as I stared at Reks for a while.

We both stared at each other for a while, no words escaping our lips.

I finally chose to break the silence. "Happy birthday Reks..." I said happily, with tears in my eyes as I held out his gift. It was the watery sapphire crescent I managed to get from the dragon. On the back of it was inscribed with, "Reks Elsman". As for the card, inside it was...

To Reks, Happy 16th Birthday! I remembered it. I'll always remember it. I'll never forget your special day. We're childhood friends, and we'll always be childhood friends.

I'll never forget...

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Reks sat on his bed looking at the card as I stepped forward and picked the portrait with my hand and stood it back up. Reks made a small sound as I did and I glanced at him for a moment, his face sad as he stared at the portrait.

I glanced back at the portrait and realized who it was, and why Reks knocked it face down.

"You wish she was still here..." I thought aloud as I stared at the portrait, memories of Reks' mom being struck up in my heart. Reks looked away for a moment. "Yes..." He whispered softly. I stared at him for a few moments as silence pursued. I couldn't take it any longer.

"Reks... I'm sorry!" I burst out as I hugged him close all of a sudden. Reks looked surprise as I threw my arms around him, my drenched fur soaking and brushing against his clothes and skin.

"Please... Don't be angry at me... I'm sorry for everything..." I pleaded.

I waited for Reks to say something. Anything. But he remained silent and my heart began to dip in despair. I slowly let go of him and leaned back a little.

Then my eyes widened when I saw his smile. His eyes were glowing again, a glow I never saw since we were kids. I began to find myself smiling alongside him again. "I'm not angry at you... I'm happy." Reks told me. My face brightened up and Reks began to laugh aloud. I found myself laughing alongside him again.

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"Reks... I really want to make it up to you for all that time I never saw you." I said to him as I sat next to him on the side of his bed, the bed sheets and pillow were in a seashell cover.

Reks stared at me for a moment and then smiled, his tail began to sway a little cheerfully. I waited for Reks to tell me what he wanted to.

"Well... Can we play Scrabble together?" Reks asked me. I tilted my head and smiled. "Scrabble... We used to play that when we were kids, right?" I asked. Reks nodded quickly and eagerly and I beamed at him. "Let's play Scrabble. Do you still have it though?" I asked him.

Reks nodded cheerfully and walked over to the closet. He opened the doors and jumped a little to reach the Scrabble box that was on the top shelf. I giggled a little as I watched him jump a few times before reaching the Scrabble box and managing to pull it down.

But as he did, Reks managed to pull down other things on the top shelf and my eyes widened in surprise. I stood up and stood by Reks, who was unharmed and perfectly fine.

But what I saw began to strike up so many more memories of childhood.

"Reks... Are these..." I began slowly as I knelt down and picked one of the objects up. "... The piñatas we made together in Elementary?" I asked as I stared at the dried and painted papier mache model of a "Bomb" from Final Fantasy.

Pictures of Reks and myself in the classroom, grinning and laughing together as we worked on the piñatas came to mind.

"Yes... They are." Reks replied softly as he watched me marvel the piñatas. My eyes glimmered and I hugged the piñata close to my chest. "You never forgot about me... Did you?" I asked Reks. I looked at him as he shook his head.

I glanced back at the different piñatas we made and then smiled as tears of joy ran down my face.

"Let's play Scrabble Reks. Like old times..." I said to him. His face brightened up as he beamed at me with joy.

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The hour went by as we played rounds of Scrabble together. We would make comments about each other playing Scrabble, like, "That's not a word!" or, "Hey! No fair!" , just like old times.

The rain began to ease up when I saw the clock said 2:48 PM. Eventually, we both put away Scrabble and Reks decided to draw.

I smiled again, and we took out the paper and boards to draw on, coloured pencils and textas from the cupboard nearby.

When it was time to leave, I gave Reks a hug and walked down the street. I looked back after a while and saw him wave at me. A smiled and waved back until Reks turned away and went back inside. I went home with a smile on my face after that.

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Dawn came and I woke up that morning as the sun began to rise over the hills, the first rays of sunlight piercing my windows and lighting up my room. I stood up and stretched my arms out. I looked out my window over the neighbourhood and smiled. It was a beautiful morning.

I knew what I was going to do that day.

I quickly moved towards my computer and logged onto Facebook. I was happy that morning, eager to talk to Reks again. But it was strange. I couldn't find Reks' name in my Friends List. I panicked.

What if he deleted me on Facebook?

My heart sank at the thought and I typed Reks' name into the search bar, and bashed enter instantly. I was hoping to ask Reks, "Why?", but when the page loaded, I felt my heart stop.

0 Search Results.

I buried my face in my hands.

Why?

I had to find out why. I didn't bother to take a shower. I marched to my room quickly and hastily threw on whatever I could find on the floor, my improvised wardrobe. I ran downstairs and slipped on my shoes, before running to the door and leaving the house without my parent's knowledge nor consent. I had to find out why. I sprinted down the street and towards Reks' house.

As I rounded the corner of the block, my eyes widened in shock when I saw Reks' house. An ambulance was parked out the front, and I could see Hunter at the front of the house, trying to find support against a column as he spoke with the paramedics.

I could see the tears on his face from where I stood, and my heart began to cave in on itself.

I shook my head defiantly and sprinted across the street, not paying heed to a car that almost ran into me, the car horn blaring in my ears. It swerved around me and stopped, but I didn't bother to stop at all to apologise or talk to the angry driver.

I ran up to the front door as the paramedics walked over to the ambulance to grab a stretcher and I stared at Hunter with frightened eyes.

"Hunter...?" I managed to squeak. He looked up at me, his eyes filled with tears. His lips parted, but the words wouldn't come. I shook my head as tears filled my own eyes and I barged into the house.

"Reks!!!" I called out as I ran up the stairs, wishing for Reks' voice to call out my own name in reply. My hopes began to fade as I moved down the hallway of the second floor. I reached Reks' room pushed the door open and burst in, my breath shallow as I gasped for oxygen.

I took a sudden and subtle last gasp and silence ensued. And then I screamed.

"REKS!!!"

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I fell to my knees in that instant and planted my hands on the floor to try and stop myself from falling onto the floor, the drawings Reks and I had made still scattered on the ground around me. Tears rolled down my orange-black-white striped face and onto the drawings.

I began to pour my sorrow out around me as I saw Reks who laid there on his side all curled up, his hands clutching a knife that was planted in his chest.

His lifeless eyes seemed to stare out at me hopelessly, and I couldn't help myself to look away from them. I stared at Reks and began to understand why I couldn't find him on Facebook. He didn't delete me.

He deleted himself.

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I watched hopelessly as the paramedics lifted Reks onto the stretcher carefully. I saw Reks' amber eyes staring at me for that last time as I followed the paramedics down the stairs and out of the house. I felt like throwing myself onto the stretcher and crying out to them, "He's alive!" , but the knife in his chest reminded me that those amber eyes wouldn't move.

One of the paramedics slowly closed Reks' eye lids and I put my hands to my face as new tears began to well up in my eyes and I choked a sob.

Hunter hugged me close to his side to comfort me as we shared sorrow and pain for what had happened. We both watched as the paramedics put the stretcher onto the ambulance and drove off. We both stood there for a long time as the clouds began to gather across the sun and shroud the light, coloring the world a dull and woeful grey.

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"He wanted you to have these."

Hunter handed me a small box, painted blue and decorated with drawings. I took it in my hands and saw that there was a note on top and I began to read it. Hunter walked away and sat at the table, burying his face in his hands as I read the note aloud.

"Brother, I'll always love you. But I can't go on any longer... I'm sorry...

Can you please give this to Hana for me please? That's all I want. Forgive me, everyone..."

My eyes glittered in the soft light as I finished reading the note. I put the box down and knelt beside it, looking through all the contents. My eyes caught sight of something and I immediately fished it out. It was the inscribed amulet I gave to Reks. I stared at the sapphire carved surface that reflected the shining light.

I noticed a tag that was attached to the chain of the amulet and I looked at it. A small smile crossed my face as I read the tag.

"Hana, Thank you for everything."

I sighed and put the amulet around my neck, to remind me of Reks. I remembered my promise to him. Never forget. I thought. I continued to look through the box. I glanced over to Hunter who was watching me.

"You can have all the stuff that's in Reks' room. Take whatever... I'm sure he'd want that..." Hunter said finally. I stared at him for a moment, before nodding silently. I then looked into the box and pulled out a plastic sleeve with music sheets in them.

looked at them with curiosity and Hunter sighed aloud. I glanced at him questionably.

"I remember Reks was playing that song yesterday... From dawn til midday before he locked himself in his room." Hunter explained. "He never had breakfast or lunch..." Hunter added solemnly.

I stared at the music sheet and read the words.

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Hunter suddenly stood up and walked towards the door. I stared at him in bewilderment. "Where are you going?" I asked. Hunter forced a smile as he put his wallet in his pocket. "Out for a drink. Feel free to stay as long as you like." Hunter told me.

I didn't get to say another word before he opened the door and left. I glanced back at the music sheet and then at the piano that was nearby.

I stood up slowly and walked over to the piano, putting the music sheets onto the small stand and sat down on the seat. I put my fingers upon the keys for a moment, and began to practice.

I read the words as I played, and stopped when I made a mistake. By dusk, I finally got the tune right and I decided to play the piece once more. And as I played, I sang the words aloud.

People come... People go... Friendships end... Friendships fade...

Here I'm standing upon the edge... Here I'm watching from afar... I'm waiting for the day to come, The day that I will see you again.

That time seems so far away, When all I see is snow falling free. Blankets of icy cold and soft white. Where can I find you in this snowy land?

I look back from where I am now... I wish you looked at me once more... I missed the days that we shared... The tears rolled down my face that day, When you said you couldn't see me again. I turned away and wept.

My tears will pour down like rain... And the wind will blow a gale...

All I wish on this stormy day... Is that I will see you again. That I might look at you again... And smile... Again...

As the tone of the last keys drained out to silence, I closed the case and buried my face in my hands for a moment, and then looked out to the skies through the window nearby.

Most of the clouds had gone and the rest were illuminated by a fiery yellow glow of the afternoon sun as the time of dusk came to pass. Tears rolled down my face once more as all the memories came flooding back to me. I missed him already.

I wished that I could've done things differently.

I'm sorry Reks.

Forgive me.