With Grace
This is real and true, and it would do you well to heed it. You want to be a happy furry? Then look up for a few minutes and let this sink in, my friend.
With grace muddied at my disposal from a god that I believe in with an emotion of fear does my life lie and experience is my greatest friend I would much rather fall on my own mistakes than be delivered by easy peace and easy favor from a much too loving spirit that I do not deserve nor want as god does not know what it is like to sleep in a mardi gras float with a body full of cough syrup that does not work any longer with a stuffed kangaroo or in the hole gorgonzola green walls dirtied with a big black prison man knocking a white dude out for the count and I am like goddamn or giving sweet happy suckle to a cock from a tender rapist named bronco in orleans parish prison for a rolled cigarette the one pleasure I can find in a lonesome chamber this suburban boy did not reach true enlightenment safe inside four solid high school college walls memorizing words facts notes from teachers books chalkboards a paper with my name on it does not define nor gives me justice for the last nine years of my insane choices blessed insane choices which I would never take back not even if god could or had to because this is my life my life goddammit and I am very proud to say that every mistake was a success and perhaps every success a mistake and to call out god right here because I think he thinks I am a bitch so fuck him because I am not afraid anymore I am no longer terrorized by the truth of my real feelings my own family I believe is sanitized clean as a whistle tried to keep me sanitized but I escaped for me enlightenment and illumination could not be found in a church of religion or spirit no I sought indulgence of the physical and mental and subconscious senses through marijuana cough syrup even a little powder and even though I never got to the end I gained wisdom anyhow for thanks to cough syrup I lost a bit of my ego a bit of my self what else can I expect to have gained from drinking over 200 or more ounces of cough syrup and smoked quite a few blunts and spent quite a few months in mental institutions and gotten high in mental institutions and cried the first night at mandeville state hospital because I knew I was alone and scared and disappointed and missed all of those I had fucked over and the one thing I could not and cannot still understand is why other people can have their dreams and be so goddamn happy and not end up in prison and yet I go chasing mine and I am in prison something is wrong something is wrong when the dreams of a young man are shot down before they are started because they are labeled "unrealistic" or "not of the real world" so what well I will tell you so what these are my dreams right now on ink for display for the world to see in all my holy glory every word of my life and except for changing a few primary names of people I will expose my truth because I am not ashamed I am not ashamed I am proud of the mess I have made I am proud of the life I have led there are those who can drive me to feel guilty there are those who may attempt to slander a name already slandered by myself I love my slandered name and it is real funny because once one has become a blasphemer all the good things that the person has done are soon forgotten and left behind like the sinners will be by the hypocrites of jesus on the last day all the beautiful memories even done among friends have fingerprints upon them caked with just a little sand and a heart with just a little weight is cross to bear but the universe has blessed me yes the universe has blessed me for everytime I was in a jam everytime the smallest thing happened and I freaked whether or not mom or dad was there to help me out I never stopped believing in something and always got through always found the silver lining so why am I saying this all to you why do I think this all has some kind of significance for you because in this amazing modern age where the iphone and ipad and plasma TV and all these super gadgets have taken over nothing is as powerful or exciting than fundamental raw human communication you me brother sister dig on this for a while for grace is muddied and sins abound in this world and mistakes are successes and successes are mistakes and you may find yourself taking drugs five years from now yeah you can shake your head and scoff but if I bet each of you motherfuckers fifty dollars that you would I would go to the horse track for a long while so heed these words my brothers and sisters heed these words well for you may need a little grace tonight not because it may smell so sweet because who gives a shit but because that cough syrup hangover is a bitch (makes your whole body feel numb the next day and you shit the bed in the middle of the night, some fun huh?)