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The afternoon at school was surreal, everyone wanted to know what happened to Josh and I kept trotting out the same bland lies until I almost believed them myself. As usual Janet knew something was not right, her penetrating stare seemingly going right through my brain but not yet able to extract the truth just by looking. Instead she gave a snort that spoke volumes and demanded to know when Josh would be back.

I was growing increasingly worried until Bevan finally texted me, though what he told me was not comforting. The gang had been watching his house, and they had sent a picture of his front door to his phone with the reassuring caption...'we know where you live. $3,000 now."

He had at least managed to get the information I wanted. The BMW was registered to a Bruno Ligetti, 131 Riverside Crescent, St Martins. That figured, Riverside was one of the most expensive addresses in the city. Ole Bruno was clearly loaded, for all he lacked taste.

The news that night on pony was at least good. He had avoided any broken bones, just bruising and cuts. He would be released tomorrow unless he showed any signs of internal injuries. I could tell everyone tomorrow to expect the pony home for the weekend.

The emptiness in my soul threatened to overwhelm me that night. I smoked my last weed before bed, the smoke leaving a slight buzz but not really improving my mood as much as I had hoped. The demons were coming out in force, I knew the signs. I decided on a different tack, as my usual avoidance techniques weren't working. Heading for my closet, I knelt down and rummaged in the small space behind the sock drawers, my fingers closing on their target. I stopped for a moment, my body not responding to the signals to move, brain in neutral, but eventually I pulled out what I was looking for.

He was just as I remembered him, maybe a little more careworn. Riley's special mate, his stuffed horse toy Firehoof, though he had trouble saying the full name when he was young and called him "Hoofie". His black fur was still there, a little threadbare, and one eye was partly off, but he still was the same Hoofie. I had teased him mercilessly when he still remained attached to his mate, but Riley didn't care. He never looked so happy as when he was curled up asleep with Hoofie, one finger entwined in his mane.

Mum had placed Hoofie in the coffin, a friend to join Riley on his voyage. She said he would feel less alone with his best friend with him, and she couldn't bear the thought of him alone. I had stood there watching her place the horse in his lap, her eyes like I never had seen before. Then she looked at me, a look with no light, no anything left at all really, before she left the room for the last time. Even though it has been almost four years, the look hadn't ever changed.

I don't know why I did it then, and I still don't now. Maybe I wanted this piece of him for me, or maybe I was angry with my mum. I was Riley's best mate, she knew that, just as he was mine, my twin, my other half. Now I was only half a wolf, a walking wound, and a constant reminder to my 'rents of the better twin they lost. If I could have swapped places with him I would have done it in a heartbeat.

I took Hoofie back, and hid him in my bag, leaving Riley with my old bear instead, before I kissed his forehead and left. I had kept Hoofie all these years, hidden safely until the times he was needed. I needed him tonight, that much I knew. Trying not to think too much about another horse, one I had left in the hospital that morning, I got into bed holding Hoofie tight. He had this quirk he liked to use to tease me, did Riley, that if I had a secret to tell him, I needed to tell Hoofie, because Hoofie told him everything. The last four years I had clung to that on nights like this. The battered horse would be my messenger.

I told him all about the pony, and the stupid things I had done, and every idiotic thing I could think of. It ended as it always did though, the things I always wanted to say.

"Oh God Riley I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Please."

Thankfully Hoofie was pretty used to getting damp, tears flowing until I couldn't stay awake any longer.

*****

I was not prepared for Friday afternoon, though I should have expected it. When they heard that Josh would be home that day, Janet, Moo and Matt demanded to come over and check on the injured horse. I didn't feel I could deny them, so I caught the bus home with my old gang in tow. None of them seemed interested in how I was, but that suited me just fine. My mind was not in a good place anyway.

It was a shock seeing Josh home, set up on the couch watching DVD's. The bruising looked bad, though this was probably as bad as it was going to look. His eye was opening again at least, and he could even crack a smile. I played the good host, making sure everyone had drinks and snacks while staying in the background as much as possible. Matt gave Josh his iPod full of Pink Floyd tracks, and they traded music trivia while Janet and Moo laughed at the nerds and their poor taste in music. I didn't even bring up Janet's Evanescence fetish, I was too distracted.

My phone beeped, and I welcomed the interruption, hoping it was Bevan with some good news. It was a blocked number though, mysterious. A picture file, and no subject. I opened it casually.

There on my phone was a picture of my front door, with a caption. "We know where you live."

"Nate, who is it? What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost bro."

I just looked at the photo for long moments, blood pounding in my temples.

"Bro?"

I realised with a start that the conversation had died, and everyone was looking at me, Moo in particular with a worried expression. Josh was unreadable, thanks to the bruising, but his eyes were expressive. He nodded his head once, but that was all it took. He knew. He had said they played for keeps...guess the pony was right.

"Nothing guys...hey who's for pizza for dinner and more DVD's?"

The suggestion met with approval, and I was spared any more questions. As the night wore on, I had zoned out but no one seemed to notice. No-one except for Josh. I knew he was going to ask me what the message was, and I knew he had already guessed, but I wanted to postpone the moment as long as I could so I just joined in the conversation, half hearted but enough, and waited out the night. Time enough in the morning to work out what to do.

*****

The first chink in our armour came the next morning. A ring of the doorbell heralded the arrival of the angel of death, or at least a cop. The same horse I saw in the hospital, Detective Sergeant Wallace.

"Can I help you?"

"Hello again Nathan. I need to see Joshua Marcus, and one of your parents if they are at home?"

"Why? Have you caught the guys who did this?"

"No...we are having some issues. We need to talk to Joshua again...there are some things we are concerned about and he may be able to help us. He hasn't told you anything more about the attack has he? Or anything about his past that might link him to the factory, or possibly any illegal activity?"

I shuddered in spite of the warm day, my fur standing on end. The cop knew things, that much was clear, enough to not buy the story. I was fortunate that so far it made them focus on Josh, based on his past.

"No...nothing at all officer."

"Excuse me Nathan, but have we met before? Your voice is strangely familiar."

"No, only in the hospital a couple days ago."

"Hmm...I don't forget a voice. Most unusual, guess I will work it out in time."

"Yeah" I added weakly, wondering where the hell he could have heard me. The answer came in a flash of ice; the emergency call, could they have it recorded? Had he heard it?

Oh shiiiit....

"Well, never mind. Is Joshua in?"

"Yeah, I'll get him and my parents."

They had disappeared into the lounge room for what seemed like hours, and when they came out, no one looked pleased. Josh headed for his room, my parents for dad's study.

Reasoning that knowledge was safety here, I knocked on the door and decided to find out what I could. My parents' faces were anything but welcoming.

"What is it Nathaniel?"

"Mum...what's wrong? What has Josh done?"

"We don't know son. According to the officer, the factory where he was found is a known hang out for a local drug gang. Given some of Joshua's history, they think he knew his attackers and may have gone to meet them. The police are worried about this gang, and they think Josh may be involved, so they are making a lot of threats. Not good ones, I think our lawyer could stall them, but they are fixated on the idea that Josh knows more than he is saying and could help them. They aren't going to back off."

"What are you going to do?"

"Well, there isn't much we can do. It is a little up to Josh now, we obviously don't want to call him a liar but it is hard if he is concealing things from the police. We have to worry about you too Nathan. If Joshua is caught up in something, it is a danger to you too. We can't ignore that, I can't bear the thought of losing another son."

Mum began to cry a little, and I felt perversely happy as well as terrible. The thought that she might fear losing me forced me to reconsider my anger a little, not a comfortable thing to do. Maybe I had misjudged her all this time.

The talk sounded ominous for Josh though. I wanted to face the reality of what it meant, and what I needed to do, but something held me back. Fear, and pride. I was basking in the unfamiliar sensation of being loved by my parents again, and a part of me didn't want to jeopardise that by telling them the ugly truth. I didn't think they would actually do anything, or send the pony away. They were too much the do-gooders for that.

The incident had its other effects though. One was to make Josh sullen and withdrawn. I gave him space, telling myself I was being considerate but I knew the truth. I didn't want to face him, and have him call me out as a coward.

*****

The next week went in a blur, Josh returning to school on the Wednesday a bit sore and sorry but healing well. His return was hailed by the group, Janet bringing him special treats for lunch and Matt a new live recording from his special stash. Moo was there by his side, a constant companion and almost protector, keeping anyone still determined to make the foster colt's life difficult at arms length while he healed. His bruises and stitches got some stares, and a lot of sympathy, even the hard nosed German teacher Mrs Blaskowitz (otherwise known as Frau Cow) treating him well.

I went into a bubble, trying not to think about anything and keeping my head down. Hide and it will be ok, I reasoned. It usually worked.

The strategy kept up until the next weekend, and fate took a hand. My aunt had a sudden seizure, and mum and dad had to rush to her side. I was left in the house, alone but for Josh, with strict instructions to stay put and not go out. As dad's big Range Rover pulled out of the driveway, I heard my phone beep again, and checked it before I could engage my brain.

"We still know where you live. $3000. You two are running out of time."

Before I could stop him, Josh had taken the phone from my paw, holding it too high for me to reach as he read the screen. He looked at me then, part angry part sympathetic.

"This isn't the first one of these is it."

"No."

"That day when the guys from school were here you..."

"Yeah, that was the first. Bevan has been getting them too."

"I told you they play for keeps Nate. They don't give up, they just get angrier. You need to do something."

"What the fuck do you suggest? I don't have that money and neither does Bevan. Do you? Got anything to sell?"

"What do you think Nate? No, though you know anything that's mine is apparently yours anyway."

My fur bristled at that, and I looked at Josh, the pity now gone. All that was left was hurt. I felt I knew what he was talking about, but I played dumb anyway.

"What?"

"Why did you do it Nathan?"

"What do you mean?"

"My necklace. Why did you steal it?"

"I didn't! I found it..."

"Nate, Moo told me you had it on you at school my first day, and that you said someone gave it to you. You took it, then you kept it all that time. Why? What possible reason could you have to do it? You have so much, you have everything you could want and I have nothing. Why would you do that? Do you hate me that much?"

"No! I...I don't know why I did it Josh. Yes, part of me wanted to hurt you, and part of me wanted you to go away. I knew it mattered to you, I didn't know how much."

It was clear my explanations weren't going well, and in truth I didn't really understand it myself. Josh was getting angry now, and it was fascinating in its own way. His ears were pointed forwards, twitching and flicking as if trying to seek answers from the air. I hadn't seen him this way before, and I kind of liked this Josh. He was stronger.

"Is there anything else of mine you want? How about my clothes, sure they won't fit you but that doesn't matter. What about my mane? Should I cut it off for you, may make a nice collar for you? That's about it Nate, I don't have any fucking thing else, nothing and nobody, but hey fucking take what you like anyway. You took the one thing I have that really matters and you tried to take this home from me too."

"I'm sorry ok? I...am...sorry. I am a bastard, you are right. I wish I hadn't done it, but at least I did give it back. I did hate you Josh, for reasons that are more about me than you, but I don't any more. I know you can't trust me, after all the things I've done, and I know I can't make it up to you, but if I could I would."

"Really? You want to make it up to me? To make things right? How about owning up about the factory?

"I can't do that Josh, you said yourself no one will believe it. I can't drop Bevan in it too, and god knows what the gang will do if they find out. With how they are at the moment, they might kill us. Keep playing dumb, it will blow over believe me."

"Maybe for you. I should have known Nate, I should have known better than to think you really wanted to make things right."

"If I can Josh, I will if you will let me. Do what you want to me, beat the crap out of me if it will help."

That made him pause a long time, his ears still twitching and tail slowly swaying, before some kind of decision dawned on his face. A grim face, set hard as steel.

"Fine Nate. You want to be even? Strip off and lay on your bed."

"Uh...what?"

"You heard me puppy. Strip and on your bed."

This new dominant Josh was getting to me in unpredictable ways. When he called me 'puppy' like that, part of me wanted to snarl and bite his neck, and part of me wanted to lie down and submit. The latter won, I was ashamed to admit, and my cock gave a small shudder and started swelling. Moving in a daze, I slowly stripped off, standing a moment naked before the immovable and unknowable pony before I shrugged and lay down.

"Face down puppy."

That made me start, and shudder. I rolled over like an obedient pup though, my unruly cock beginning to poke out from its sheath against the bedclothes. I flattened my tail down covering my crack, for reasons I didn't yet know, and awaited the wrath of Josh.

I heard him rummaging around in my closet, uncertain what he could be looking for in there. He seemed to find it whatever it was though, because he gave a satisfied snort and came back to the bed. I felt him around me and over me, the feel so good I had to bite my lip to stop moaning. Muscled colt pressed into my back, flattening my aroused body on the bed. Little Nate was now at full mast and dripping a mammoth wet spot.

He took my left paw and stretched it out to the head of my bed. I looked finally, unable to stop myself, and it was then I realised what he had in mind. He had found my school ties, and as I watched slightly stunned he used one to tie my left paw to the bedpost, then my right. I thought of fighting back, of trying to stop him, but part of me wanted this, a chance to be free of guilt. And a part wanted whatever he was going to dish out just for the feeling of his touch.

When my arms were secured, I felt him move down my body, big hands gripping my ankles and spreading them wide. I yelped a little, whimpering like a good submissive pup. His hands felt so good, and the way he parted my legs, I imagined him laying between them, using his bulk to hold me while he took my ass. I should have been afraid, but instead I just got harder.

Oh shit this was not fair; I have become the pony's bitch and I like it.

He didn't do that though, much to my embarrassed disappointment. Instead he completed the bindings, tying my footpaws to the bedposts and leaving me naked, spreadeagled on the bed.

Oh fuck Josh whatever you're going to do do it now...I need to bust a nut like you wouldn't believe.

He stood for a moment, admiring his handiwork. I closed my eyes, waiting. Then I heard it; the soft swooshing sound of a belt being freed from his jeans, sibilant hiss of leather sliding on fabric. What I didn't hear was the sound of jeans being lowered though; instead, something more troubling. The sound of a belt being swung through air.

"You are such a spoilt brat Nathan. You have never lost anything, so you don't know what it feels like to be hurt. Are you prepared to take a whipping then puppy? Prove you can take some pain, and repent for your sins? I bet you have never been spanked in your miserable selfish life you waste of breath. Well, how about making up for that then?"

His raw hate and pain cut me deep, as did his words. Never lost anything; the pony didn't know the half of it. Despite my fear though, I was determined to go through with it. I was also still harder than steel.

"Go ahead pony, if it is going to make you feel better and help you forgive me, then do your worst. You are wrong though, so so wrong. I do know what it's like, but maybe you don't know me as well as you think you do you arrogant cunt."

His whinny of anger felt good, I had to admit. I know it was probably stupid to further antagonise a large horse who was angry already, had you tied up and naked and was about to belt your ass, but I am nothing if not stupid. Grotesquely on occasions.

The sound of belt slicing through air gave me warning, but the sound of it smacking against my bare ass still shocked when it came, loud as a pistol shot in the room. The burn followed a moment later, and I realised this was not going to be a picnic. The pony could hit hard. I bit into the pillow to muffle my cries, determined he wouldn't have the satisfaction, and tried to squirm a little so the burn would lessen. It didn't help much, but it did rub my aching cock against the bed, bringing my arousal up a notch.

With a snarl he swung again, harder this time and I yelped in spite of myself. Claws scrabbled against the bedposts trying to get free but he had tied me too well for that, and I could only lie there and take it as the belt rose and fell. I was panting, and crying like a little kid, and I didn't realise at first he had stopped until I felt him on the bed with me. His touch made me jerk, fear and need.

"Shhh...its ok Nate, I've stopped. You took it well wolf. We are almost even. "

Almost?

Before I could voice the question, I felt him and for some reason speech was beyond me. His touch, his caress, strong hands now rubbing my neck, then my back. I felt him lie against me, warmth so close, and his hands continued their exploration of my quivering bound form, the touch so erotic and so charged. Then, miracle of miracle, kisses; warm Josh breath on my neck as he nuzzled and licked, his hands now touching my poor sore ass, where he let his fingertips stroke the welts until I was almost ready to cum just from the touch.

My tail wagged like a propeller blade, and he kept up his touching, my body on fire until I let out a great yelp at the feel of his fingertips in my crack. One hoofed fingertip traced a mesmerising path from the base of my tail, over and around my pucker, then down my taint to rub the back of my scrotum. I was gone, hopelessly in heat.

"Oh Josh...please...please..."

"Do you want me Nate?"

"Yes you fucker...dammit..."

"What do you want?"

"Aaargh!! Fucking hell pony...whatever you want just take me please...I've wanted you so much..."

God I babbled when I was in heat. What had I just admitted? Had I really fallen for Josh that much?

He slid his finger up again, lingering on my taint before rubbing in circles over my tailhole, the muscle quivering in anticipation, before finally pressing hard as he slid his finger inside me. He had no lube on it, the bastard, so it hurt and I cried out a little, but even when he was hurting me he had a gentle side. Tentative soft probing, a little in then back, managing the pain of entry, until I felt my tunnel open up for him and he drove right inside before hitting my sweet spot with a resounding slap. The reaction was impressive, my cry echoing round half the suburb and a good pint of precum ejecting from my cock.

"Yessss...oh God Josh please...I want you."

His touch was golden now, slow and patient. He made love to my hole with his finger, or fingers, for when I began pushing back on his hand he slid a second inside to join the first, the two fingertips taking it in turns to massage my prostate and caress the folds of my ass. Every time he moved too far and it hurt, I winced and he would stop, soothing kisses on my neck before starting again more careful than before. I felt something beautiful inside me then, something magic, more than an orgasm, less than love but not far.

"Are you close Nate?"

"Yes...so close. Please, I want you all."

Another lick on my neck, and another stroke of my nut. I groaned, and pleaded. I felt my ass tense, dam about to burst.

His fingers left me, and then his body as he stood on the floor, and I looked at him, waiting for his clothes to come off to reveal that hard beautiful body I had seen first in my webcam only a short couple of weeks ago. Something had stirred in me then, something that was burning like fire now. Maybe it could be after all, maybe the pony could forgive me.

His eyes made me hold my breath. Tears, bright in the afternoon light streaming through my window.

"Josh...what are you doing?"

"I'm sorry Nate, but I can't. I still hate you too much. You wanted to be even, well now you have seen what pain feels like, and now you also know what its like to not be able to have what you want. Congratulations Nate, we are even. I forgive you."

"Josh, please, I need you. Don't do this! Why?!"

"The truth is I liked you too Nate. I know I said I saved you back in the factory because I wanted you to like me and because I wanted to stay. There was more though. Something about you, I just wanted you even when you treated me like shit. You are a survivor, and strong, but underneath I saw something vulnerable and hurt and I dreamed I could fall in love with that part, and be your protector. Its all I have left, I know I can't save myself but I can be that for others, and I stupidly thought I could be that for you. I could have been yours Nate."

"Josh, you can, I do need that, trust me!"

"No you don't Nate. You need Bevan, or someone like him, another narcissist like you who can give you what you want and ask no questions. You are a good match after all. I thought we could be something, that I could bring you around and you would be there beside me. I needed that so bad it clouded my judgement. I know now I could never trust you Nate. Ever. You will always be who you are. You will never have me, you will never be mine."

He turned then, and moved on heavy hooves to leave the room.

"Wait. Where are you going? Aren't you going to untie me?"

"No Nate. You need some time for reflection, and I need to know you are safe and secure. I can't love you Nate, but I do care about you, and I can look after you still. I am going to go and save your ass again, the only way this broken useless pony knows how. And you are going to remain here, tied up, horny and aching, with nothing but your own mind and your unsatisfied cock for company. I hope you are happy together. You can keep this for me though, I guess it's safer with you tonight."

He pulled the necklace off, and hung it around my neck, one last pat of my ass before he left without a backward glance.

I screamed blue murder but it didn't stop him, and instead the pony walked out, quoting a poem from our English class on the way; a ghostly horse voice ringing down the hallway, The Rime of the Ancient Mariner floating in the air.

Water water everywhere

Nor any drop to drink

I stopped shouting as he receded, my mind fixed on the poem.

With my crossbow

I shot the albatross

The lines made me cringe, the reality hitting home. I had seen an albatross that could have led me to safety. Instead.....ahh instead...

With my crossbow

I shot the albatross

And now it would hang around my neck as a reminder. I writhed against the bindings, determined for once not to be a quitter. I would get out of this and track the stupid horse down and stop him; and maybe just maybe show him he was wrong.