FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Roommates Chapter 15:Trying Not To Kiyara

• • * Maybe this time I'd be lucky. Instead of going straight to voicemail, it was ringing. Ringing was good. Ringing meant there was a possibility that he'd pick up. I wanted him to pick up. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to hear his voice and know that maybe, maybe I hadn't done what I thought I did. I wanted to know that I hadn't assumed and made an ass out of u and me, though mostly me. I wanted-- it stopped ringing! He was picking up! "Hi." Something picked up. I held my cell phone closer to my ear. Gods, please be him, please be him, please be him... "You've reached Sem Cassian's voicemail." No... dammit. Dammit, I wanted to talk to him. Not his fucking voice mail! My eyes felt hot, and I gritted my teeth, trying to keep myself under control. "Unfortunately, I'm not available right now," and don't I know it. I'd been calling and getting his voicemail since Friday night; it's now Monday afternoon. "If you leave a message, I'll try to get back to you as soon as possible." Will he? Will he really? I felt the first tears start to build up enough to fall from my eyes, and I cursed. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to fucking cry. Crying might influence him, I didn't want to influence him. I didn't want to manipulate him. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to... I wanted to... "Thank you," said Sem via his voicemail message. I had some time to get my voice under control while a computerized voice told me to leave a message after the tone, or press 5 to send a numeric page. Beep. "Sem. Sem, it's me, it's Kiyara." I almost added "your girlfriend," but I didn't want to pressure him... or assume I still was. "I need to talk to you. I'm sorry, Sem, I'm so sorry." I started to choke up, and tried to stop. Can't cry. But I couldn't stop from showing emotion; that was impossible. "I didn't mean... I didn't want to do that to you. I'm sorry Sem. Please call me back. Please." I hung up, and cried. I cried and cried and cried until I thought my eyes would fall out. I didn't know that I still had this many tears left in me, but I let them out. I didn't want to lose Sem. I loved him too much. I didn't know that anybody else was in the room until I felt Morti pulling me into a hug. I grabbed onto her sides and just let it out, whatever was left. I had a feeling that this wasn't the last of it. Morti hugged me tightly, nuzzling into the top of my head, stroking down my back and making comforting noises. There didn't need to be any words. She knew me, and I'd already told her why I was upset, and how much I had fucked up. She was still wearing her work uniform. I remember that she didn't want to leave me like this so bad that she had made herself late for work, while I reassured her that I would be fine. I would be fine. As soon as I talked to Sem, I'd be fine. Until then, I was a wreck. "It's okay, Kiki," she told me, gently rocking me forward and backward while I let my tears flow. "It's okay. It's okay... he'll call. I know he will. He'll call or something. Shhh..." I kept crying though. I kept crying until my eyes were as dry as bone. Through it all, Morti held me and comforted me. Good friends are great. Best friends are invaluable. I knew my face was a mess. I'd been mourning for the better part of three days now, crying myself to sleep, waking up sobbing, having nightmares of Sem's rejection. After he didn't even look at me in Lit class... Every time I thought I was out of tears, fresh ones would well up, digging deeper furrows of sorrow in my fur. I hated being like this, especially since I had thought I knew what Sem really wanted. It's sex... don't most guys want that? That had been the sum of my prior relationships: sex. I met a guy, we fucked, we dated for a while, we fucked, and when the sex got stale after a few months, we broke up. One of us always found a reason for it, but now that I look back, after things started tapering off in the bedroom there wasn't much else to hold up the relationship. It wasn't you, it wasn't me, it was the yiffing. It got old. Sem, though... I met Sem in class. I thought it would be different. He looked nice, but the longer I talked with him, the more that became secondary. I'll admit that breaking a virgin had been cute, but there was so much more to Sem that was appealing. Now, I had lost both. He won't even talk to me now that I pushed it to godsdamn far. Gods... why hadn't I treated Sem different instead of fold into slut-mode like all the other guys I've dated? I'm not sure I wanted the answer to that. But the thought was enough for me to gather myself and nod into Morti's chest, telling her I was okay. I even said as much, sniffling as I gathered my wits about me. "You sure?" she asked me, her green eyes appealing. "Yeah." I think she knew how shaky my voice sounded... and about how sincere my word was at the moment. But she took it at face value, and with another hug, left to go get some tissues or paper towels. I must have looked like a mess. I know I felt like one. I curled into myself, sitting on my bed and hugging my knees, and tried to remember how to get control of myself again. I couldn't believe I was this hung up over the mere possibility of losing Sem. Yes, I loved him, but once a guy has this much of a hold on you... no wonder I had fallen apart so hard. But he was worth it. Morti came back in, and when I looked at her face, I knew something was wrong. I looked at her, and started to form words when she beat me to it. "I just ran into Tristan... you know, the ferret that watches the doors? Yeah, well... he just came up to tell me that you got a visitor." My face crumpled, and I flopped backward. "I don't give a damn who it is, Morti, I'm not really in the mood for any--" "It's Sem," she said quickly. "--visitors... what?" "It's Sem," she repeated, and I sat up and looked at her. Morti would never, ever lie to me like this, not when I was so messed up, but... "Sem is here?" I asked, staring straight at her. She nodded. Croy
• • * I so needed to get out of my dorm. I had at least two new messages on my cell phone. I know this because I had heard it go off, but didn't answer it. I didn't want to talk to Icarus, I didn't want to talk to Ani, and I know that they'd ask me if I wanted to go out and do something. I didn't want to talk to anybody, really. It was weird. I'd never felt this anti-social before. Then again, I was pretty sure what Ani and Leo were going to say: something along the lines of "You're gonna be okay, we can help you, talk to us" or some shit like that. I wasn't in a mood to be comforted, or at least not by those two. Or Sarah... or hell, a lot of people. The person I wanted comforting from lived in my dorm, but may as well have lived in fucking England or Brazil or fuck, An-fucking-tartica. Sigh. But there was another reason why I had left my dorm, why I was currently taking a walk to the gods know where. I guessed that it was a sign I was pawing too much when barely anything was coming out, and my room and a little of the surrounding area started to smell like cum enough that I could notice it. I wasn't exactly looking forward to going back to my dorm when I hit the cold, fresh air. It was chilly, the air kinda heavy with the scent of dead leaves. Under, of course, the gas and all that of civilization. I stopped suddenly when I didn't know where I was, or how far I had walked. Shit. It took me a little bit to realize that I was still on campus, but I had walked from one end to the other without noticing. I knew this because I was near the Kaufmann building, where I took my Literature classes. I walked closer to one of the buildings, trying to get my bearings, and trying to figure out which end of Kaufmann I ended up on. "Darvis?" I didn't recognize the voice, but I turned when I heard my last name. There weren't many that would call me by that, except Professor Payne. I looked and there she was, leaning against the wall to the building and drawing a drag off a cigarette. She was downwind, which is why I hadn't smelled her or her smoking before now. Professor Payne was a hare, on the short size, and pretty stubborn if riled. It was that stubbornness that earned her the moniker "the major Payne," since she seemed to make things harder than they should be. Sometimes, just being in her class can be trying, 'cuz she often pushes us to fully think things through. I mean... that's what we're in college for, right? "Huh... didn't expect to see you here," she told me, taking another drag off the cigarette. Another thing about the professor; don't talk to her about her smoking. She knows it's bad for you, knows that it'll kill her, all that stuff. She knows full well what she's doing, has been for 20 some odd years, and is honestly trying to cut down. At the same time, she's never, ever been absent or sick. Weird, sometimes. She brushed back a bit of the brown fur that bothered her, her ears straight and true. So long as you didn't mind the smoking part so much, she was also a good listener. "Hey professor. To be honest, I didn't really expect me to be here, either... it's... kinda weird." "What is?" "I started walking, and ended up here." "Been goin' through a lotta shit?" Again, that's her. Straight and direct. She took the cig from her mouth and tapped it out. I smiled a little apologetically. "Somethin' like that, yeah." "Well, it'd might explain why your grades are so fucked recently." I looked up in surprise. "What?" She raised an eyebrow and looked directly at me while she took another drag from the cigarette. She held the gaze as she blew out the smoke. "Your grades. They're fucked. You've gone from being an A student to a C, and falling. You hardly ever participate in class anymore, always spacing out. I talked to some of your other professors, and they're noticing some of the same shit. What's going on, Darvis?" I really honestly hadn't noticed. Shit. "Well... um... like you said. I've been... goin' through a lot of shit, professor." Dammit. Stammering like this wasn't like me. None of this was like me. I'm a good student. Gods, what the fuck was that panther doing to me, or what was I doing to myself? "Your other teachers been pressuring you to get a major, ain't they?" she said after a moment. I didn't respond initially. I was still a little shocked, and nothing was processing well outside of the major, major way I had screwed my grades. "I--" "Fuckin' bastards," she spat suddenly, and rather passionately. Again, I was surprised by her. "Don't those fogeys know that choosing a major in school ain't the rest of your life? Fuckin' uptight pricks, them and the administration." But... that... wasn't my main concern. I mean, yeah, I was getting pressure to choose a major already, but... there was still Sem. Why had she cut me off? I tried to speak to her again, but she did it again. "Listen, Croy. I don't know what those fucks said to you, but you gotta fuckin' get your head together. Whatever decision you gotta make, make it, but remember that sometimes you gotta watch what you pursue. It might look interesting now, but you gotta work at it to make it work for you. You can't just sit there and wait for opportunity to come to you, cuz it just fuckin' won't. Nobody's gonna mind the store if you won't. I learned that lesson because I had six brothers and three sisters, and we all had to take whatever life gave us and make it work. You follow me?" "I... guess," I said. I detected and undercurrent to her words. Sure, what she said made sense, but... there was something else... I just couldn't place it. "Now get on outta here, Darvis. I think you're dorm's back that way." She pointed with the cigarette in her paw. "Go back to your dorm, sit down and figure out a plan of action, and then go implement it. Make what you want known, not just to yourself but to everybody concerned, and you might be surprised at the results." I nodded a little dumbly, and started to walk past her. I think I could find my way back from here... "And Darvis?" she said. I turned, tilting my head a bit. What else did she want? She took another drag off the cigarette and let it out into the air. "Take a shower. I'm pretty sure that whoever you're trying to ask out won't like that you smell like cum." ...shit. Was I that transparent? Kiyara
• • * I was still in mild shock, moreso because Sem was sitting right across from me on Morti's bed. Oh, gods, what kinda mess did I look like? Ugh, I didn't want to know... besides, I already knew that my appearance wasn't perfect. Ultimately, it didn't matter. What mattered was that Sem was right across from me, right there. All I had to do was not screw this up even further. "I got your messages," he began, wiggling his phone before pocketing it again. "You said you wanted to talk, right? So... talk." It wasn't like him to be so terse but... I'd never seen him angry. Then again, why would I have? All I did was fuck him. Taking a deep breath, I let it out and didn't breathe too shaky. Good. So far, so good. I was going to look past his angry statements, because I was the one that had been in the wrong here. "Sem, I want to apologize for what I did at the party. I thought--" "You thought? Funny. I wasn't under that impression." I didn't speak for a moment, again caught off guard by the apparent intensity of his anger. This wasn't like him at all... Into the silence, Morti came back in. She picked up on the tension immediately. She had found a reason to leave for something or other, but... now... I wanted her to stay. I wanted her to help me with this. But the ugly looks that Sem was giving her... Dammit! I didn't know he knew how to glare like that! Gods, what have I done? Morti flicked her eyes between both of our pressed back ears, and tried a smile. "I'll come back," she said shortly, and turned around. The door closed. Into that silence, I finally figured out something I could say. "You're right, Sem. I didn't think. I didn't think about how you would feel about what I did, and I'm sorry. I had just assumed that you would like it." "Yeah, well, I didn't. I didn't like it at all. I don't like it that you could just slut your way into my pants like that, and all the time, either." I cringed. "Sem... that hurt." "I hope it did! I really do! Maybe you'll have better consideration for other's thoughts and feelings before you just go and do something!" He was raising his voice... this was getting out of control. "Sem, Sem, Sem, please calm down. Please." I felt tears start to burn at my eyes. "I'm sorry. I really am. This is the way I've been operating for all of my relationships so far... it's been habit." "Habit? Habit?!" He gave a short, harsh bark of laughter. "Those are some screwed up habits, Kiyara." "No! Sem, you don't understand, you're different from any other guy I've dated!" "Only because I was virgin when you sunk your claws in me, right?" "Sem, no, that's not it!" Shit! How do I make him understand, I need him to understand! "Sem, it wasn't because you were virgin! Sem, you're the first guy I ever dated that wasn't an asshole in some way!" I saw him soften a little bit. Please, gods, let him understand... "Sem, they dated me in order to get into my pants. You are so much better than them, you talk to me. You don't think I'm just some idiot vixen with a set of boobs and an ass!" I started to feel tears spill from my eyes. Shit. I didn't want to cry... not in front of him. I went to him, reached out. "Sem, everything about you is gorgeous..." His paw slapped mine away. "Don't touch me!" he snapped, growling. He was breathing heavy. "Don't... don't freakin' touch me." He stood up suddenly, and myself more slowly. "Why...? Why not?" The tears were hot in my eyes, down my cheeks. "Because!" he shouted. We stared at each other for a moment, and I couldn't wrap my mind around why he looked so angry and wild. What happened to Sem? "Because I thought I could just come in here, be angry, call you a slut and just break it off with you, but I can't do it! I can't freakin' do it!" Oh, gods, he wanted to break up? "Sem... no. I don't want to break up with you!" "SHUT UP! I already told you I can't do it, alright! I want to be angry at you right now, but I can't freakin' do it! I can't..." He faltered. "Sem, please! Whatever you want me to do, I'll do it!" I closed the distance between us and grabbed onto his arm, pressing my face into him. "I don't want us to end!" He didn't say anything, just grunted and pushed. I stumbled backward and fell onto my bed, looking at him, shocked. His eyes looked as confused as I felt before he turned away. "I can't see you right now," he said, and then went for the door. "Don't call me," he said at it, and left. I think I stopped crying. I sat there, on the bed, and stared at the door. I picked up sounds of somebody shouting down the hall. It sounded like Sem. He didn't come back, though. The only person I saw enter the room was Morti. We looked at each other for a moment. By her expression, I guessed that Sem had yelled at her. I started crying again, and Morti came to me, hugging me tight. We clung to each other, crying on each other's shoulders, and I was amazed that I had shed so many tears over Sem. But he had dug deep. He was deep into my heart, and only because of that, I had so many tears for him trying to tear himself out. Croy
• • * The shower did feel good. Maybe just as good as it felt to get out of the dorm. Getting back to the dorm had been a little worse than I thought; the entire place smelled faintly of semen. I opened as many windows as I could while I went to go shower. After, well, I knew what I needed to do. I already knew what I wanted. I wanted Sem. I wanted to be more than friends. I wanted a touch, a kiss... Gods know I wanted him in my bed. I wasn't exactly sure, however, how I would go about it... but I had an idea. The more I thought about it, the better it sounded. So I sorta had a plan of attack, if you wanted to call it that, but it still wouldn't hurt to bounce it off Icarus. Besides, talking to him would sorta make up for the fact that I hadn't returned his calls. Speaking of which, it turned out that I got calls from him, Ani and... Sarah. I was going to call somebody back, but I wasn't quite sure I was ready for Sarah. Not yet. Leo picked up on the second or third ring. I heard some sounds of scuffle or struggle, along with giggling. They brought a sad smile to my face. Damn, I missed them. "Stop it, Ani, I'm tryin' to answer the phone!" A sound of exasperation, then, "Hello?" "Hey, Leo." "Croy?" The reply was so sudden, surprise registering in his voice. I thought I heard an echo in the background. Probably Ani. "Croy, what's goin' on, are you doin' okay?" Shit. I kinda didn't need sympathy right now, but... I did stop talking to them after the bowling alley, and they both called several times, knowing I was upset. "I'm doin' better. I'm... I'm doin' better," I said, hearing my voice echo on the second go-round. "Did you just put me on speaker?" "Yeah," said Icarus, quickly interrupted by a "Croy, my gods, I'm so glad to hear your voice!" from Aniryl. "Hey Ani," I said softly, running a paw through my head. Dammit. Abandon your friends for a few days, and they're either mad at you or relieved to see you. I guess I got good friends, because I don't know what I'd do if both Iccy and Ani were mad at me. "How's things with you?" "I'm fine, but I'm more concerned about you, Croy. Did Sarah try to call you?" I winced, sitting down at the table. Fuck, I so did not want to talk about subby ratgirl right now. "Yeah, um, look. Guys, I know you're worried about me, and that's part of the reason why I called. At the same time... I... don't think I'm... ready to talk about Sarah right now. Okay?" Silence. Fuck fuck fuck, fuck, fuck fuck. "I actually wanted to talk about Sem," I said into the quiet. "What about him?" Icarus said carefully. "Well, there's a party on Thursday. I was planning on taking him to it." "What kinda party is it?" This from Ani. The question caught me off guard. "It's... it's a party. I dunno. I didn't think it was anything special when I heard about--" "Do you know if there's gonna be beer?" asked Ani. "Yeah. And yeah, there is." "Croy, are you sure you wanna take him to a party with beer?" Icarus said. I swear, the two of them work in tandem sometimes. Case in point, right after Leo's words, Ani supplies this: "Yeah... neither of you know if Sem can hold his alcohol or anything like that." My ears went back a little bit. "Yeah, well... don't worry about that. Look, I'm near obsessed with the guy--" I heard some keys jiggling softly outside the door "--so I'm most definitely gonna watch what he drinks." Keys came into the lock. Sem was home. Shit. "Look, guys, I gotta go, okay?" The door opened. "Bye," I said and ended the call, then looked up at Sem, watching him come in. He was upset. Scratch that, he seemed pretty fuckin' angry. "Sem, hey there. What's goin' on...?" "Nothin'," he said shortly, barely looking at me. He strode across the room, heading for his room. I had to act fast. "Hey Sem, wait up a sec." He stopped, glancing at me. It was kinda a nasty look, but I know it wasn't directed at me. Who the hell had pissed him off so damn much? "What?" My ears started to go back, but I controlled them. I think he caught the half-gesture, because his face softened a little. "What is it?" he asked again, softer. "I don't know what's got you so upset, dude, but... if you need somebody to talk to, well, you do live with me." Shit, that sounded kinda wrong. I smiled a little, hoping it wasn't as fixed as it felt. "I got two ears, and I've been told that they work pretty well, yanno?" The panther let out a big sigh, tension seeming to drain away from him in that breath. "Look, I'm sorry," he said. "Just kinda feel like a dick for something I did not too long ago." He looked about to say more when my cell phone went off. His face closed off a little bit. Shit! In that moment, I've never hated my phone more, and I didn't even know who was calling me. I tried to keep it off my face. I started to speak. "Why don't you get that. I'll talk to you later," he said before I could say anything, going to his room again. Shit, this isn't good... Oh, wait, I forgot about the party! "Sem, before you go, there's a party this Thursday. Wanna come?" He considered for about half a second. "Yeah, sure, whatever." He went into his room while I answered my phone. "What?" I snarled. "Is this a bad time?" asked the almost trembling voice on the other end. "Kiyara?" My anger drained into confusion. What was she doing calling me? As the saying goes, there's only one way to find out. "What's goin' on?" "If this is a bad time, I can always call back," she told me. What? What happened to the vixen brimming with confidence that very nearly beat me in a pick up basketball game? Ordinarily, I would have made a "Who are you and what have you done with Kiyara" joke but I felt like shit, and she sounded none too better. "No, no, it's not a bad time. Kiyara, what happened to you? You sound awful." She let out a short chuckle that might be mistaken for a sob. "I feel awful. I finally..." she sighed, sniffling. "I fucked up. I fucked up bad with Sem. I guess... I guess if you wanted an opening, this is as good as any." I don't think I had words for exactly how much this blindsided me. I think I sat down. I know my legs felt funny. "Croy? Are you still there...?" Kiyara was right, but... "Kiyara, I don't want to take him from you. I want..." What did I want? I wasn't quite sure, but I said something. "I wanna mean something to him. I want him to care for me, but not at your expense." Yeah, that... that sounded about right. She gave a sound that might have been half-sob, half-laugh. "I'm not completely sure if he cares for me right now." Gods, what the hell did she do? And what did he do to her? I didn't know, and I sure as hell didn't know what to say to her. I settled on sympathy. "I'm sorry to hear that." "Stop it, Croy. I don't want sympathy from my rival," she said flatly. Rival? "What are you talking about?" Again, the sob-laugh. "We're rivals, Croy. Rivals for Sem's affection. I'm trying to bow out gracefully but you won't even let me do that, will you?" Her voice was getting more emotional. I didn't completely get where she was coming from, here. "Waitasec, here--" She didn't let me finish. "Sem is yours, Croy. I'm handing him to you on a silver platter. You should press your advantage while you can." I heard her sob again, a real sob, before the phone line went dead. I cursed. I probably would have reacted further had I not heard something large hitting the wall. It came from Sem's room. He'd left the door open. I was cautious. I don't think I've ever seen Sem this angry. Plus, the door was only open a crack, so I was pretty sure he meant for privacy. Still, I had to check on him. I was worried for him. I was worried about him. So, having finally rationalized to myself why, I stood outside his door and peeked in. I couldn't see much, but after moving around a bit, I saw Sem. From seeing the room, I saw that he had upset his little plastic drawer, the contents spilled all over the right side of the room. Right now, he was on his bed. He was looking down, and looking upset. I saw his paw keep moving down, but then he'd stop and jerk it back up. It kept moving down. I didn't know what he was trying to stop himself from doing before he let out a grunt, and pushed his paw into his pants. As I tried to relearn how to breathe, his paw moved around slightly. He was most definitely doing what I thought he was doing. Holy shit. There left no doubt in my mind that he was pawing off when he unzipped and wriggled out of his pants. Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. It was the first time I saw his cock in... ever, and it was just fuckin' beautiful. Sem began to leak almost as soon as he started, his member soon becoming slick with his own pre. When I looked back up at his face, I saw his anger fade, start to be replaced by a slight flush (I guessed; with his dark fur, it was hard to tell) and a look of pleasure. He got further into it, his other paw cupping and playing with his own balls. He started to look a little frustrated again the more he got into it... Gods, he just kept going. I was torn between a desire of wanting him to hurry up and cum already than for him to keep going, because I was entranced. I realized belatedly that he was a lefty when he pawed, his right paw shooting out to grab something from his desk. He slowed down, but was still goin' strong as he dug something out. It was a small tube... oh shit. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. Was he going to... oh shit. That was lube! He squeezed lube onto the fingers of his right paw and ...! I couldn't see everything, because his tail was flying everywhere, but he slouched a little... I heard him moan loudly. Fuuuuuuuck... this was so hot. My cock hurt, though. It was too worn out to respond other than getting stiff, but... I heard a thumping. It was slight, but I could still hear it. Oh, shit! That was MY tail! Grabbing it, I jerked away from the door, sitting down at the table. Now that I was away from the door... I could think. A wave of guilt overcame me. I couldn't do that anymore. I shouldn't have done that in the first place. That was wrong... but it couldn't leave my mind. I shouldn't spy on Sem pawing off because he was in a relationship crisis, but... I could imagine myself pushed open the door to his room, smirking at him. He'd stop, tail puffed out in surprise, but I would just walk right up to him, climb onto his bed, and nose at his cock. Sem would flinch, but I would take his paw off his cock and lick my way up and over it. I would close my eyes, pull that panther into my mouth, and go down on him, stuffing as much as I could into my muzzle. I could hear him moan... gods, I love the sound of his moan. I could hear him moan again, and I retreated to my room, watching his face contort in pleasure as I ran my tongue over his shaft, then pulled off with a pop, my paw pumping his beautiful member. I leaned in, closing my eyes, draping my tongue over his tip and-- oh, fuck! Fuck! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Wincing in pain, I lifted my paw up and watched what little seed I had been able to coax out drip down my paw. Flopping backward onto my pillow, I sighed. If I wanted any chance at making what was fantasy reality, I needed to take him to this party. Gods, I hope I'm doing the right thing.