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It took three days for Eli to realize just what he had done. Wednesday night he lay awake in bed, tired but sleepless, head thumping from a headache that had been digging at him all day and rump stinging from the same treatment he'd been receiving there at least once a day since he had returned from Lynn's. He smelled – reeked – stank of fox, due to that same so-called treatment, the way Marlin had pushed his head down between his legs as soon as he got home from work, how he'd prevented Eli from taking a shower these past two days since he wanted to be able to smell himself on him even after a day apart, and… the wild dog's body loved it, and part of his mind did, too, but his heart certainly did not.

His revealed ear twitched in the night at the sound of the fox behind him heaving a sigh in his sleep and shifting, bringing a footpaw up and accidentally bumping against the back of his leg. Eli scooted just far enough away to break that contact. Marlin was – rude, to put it simply. Suddenly, in these few days since he'd returned Sunday night, Eli had remembered just why he'd broken up with him so many times since the start. He remembered why he stopped living with him in the first place, though those details had been planting themselves in his head for the past few weeks now. An old bruise, exacerbated by a fresh wound. Or… more like something he thought and expected would be a salve, only to find it just made it worse.

He glanced over his shoulder to make certain Marlin was facing the other way, then reached for his phone, held it angled away from himself, turned it on, and squinted against the light of the screen. 12:41 AM. No new messages or other notifications, other than the weather app telling him that the rain might come back tomorrow. He sighed himself for what felt like the tenth time in the past handful of minutes, wanting to roll over onto his other side to get more comfortable, yet at the same time not wanting to.

That was the worst part of it all, really – wanting it and not, both at once. For the past however long it had been since he and Marlin had last broken up, getting back together had dominated Eli's thoughts and desires, to the point where he'd had to restrain himself from asking about it each and every time he was invited over. The slight physical reaction that he still got whenever he received a text from the fox remained, too, the distinct and visceral hope that there would be a photo or, if he were lucky, a short video attached to that 1 new message. Thoughts instilled in his head from then, musings and wonderings about doing the same things he'd done the day before that somehow never lost their appeal.

Idly, half-consciously, the wild dog thumbed to the messaging client on his phone and from there tapped at Lynn's little icon, pinned to the top. As usual the two had been chatting throughout the day, with Eli sending her a small snippet of what little progress he'd gotten on his story and her sending back her input and feedback. They had ended their conversation with:

~stripesandhypes [9:57 PM]: hey hey dirtpup, I'm gonna head off to bed

~stripesandhypes [9:57 PM]: since it's a summer semester, we don't get a dead week! So I have classes! =)

~elijasdfgh [9:59 PM]: Aaaah yeah I should be getting in too

~elijasdfgh [9:59 PM]: night!

_ _

And then, just like every night:

~stripesandhypes [9:57 PM]: smooch, <3

~elijasdfgh [9:59 PM]: <3 <3

_ _

Once his eyes had adjusted to the brightness, Eli looked back over the messages from today. All of those little things, the small affectionate touches that had carried over from physical to digital, the *hugs* and *nuzzles* and *kiss*… he got all of these and more from Marlin, here beside him, but those ignited a different flame in him. Marlin brought him that deep, sharp, intense hunger in his loins, that need and desire for immediate release, but Lynn brought him… something else. Something like a flame in his chest, always burning yet growing brighter and warmer when near her. A little flower unable to die, always there, always present, finally unfurling and blooming beautifully when her paw grazed across his, when she touched her nose to his cheek and giggled, when she nibbled at the base of one of his ears as he fell asleep, when…

…when she looked at him, when he caught her smiling even if it wasn't at him, when she spoke. Radiant eyes, rings of color drawn together and mixed at the boundaries; sweet-cream fur and chocolate stripes. He had taken a peek at the shampoo bottle in her bathroom this past weekend, popped it open, sniffed at it, and from that felt a sudden wave of that same feeling, the comfort and warmth that came from familiarity. Delicately scented with organic essential oil extractives of clary sage, it said – a floral touch that was wholly Lynn, halfway between sweet and savory, part fruity and part musky.

The wild dog refocused on the screen of his phone, looking back over the short message he'd typed out since opening it, the little icon at the right end of the box showing it had been saved but not sent. Eli mouthed the words as he read over them again.

~elijasdfgh [draft 12:46 AM]: so I know you said we need to wait and see what happens between us, but… what are we, right now?

The curse blinked rhythmically right there after that question mark, daring him to add something, to delete the message entirely, to go ahead and send it. Eli swallowed, sighed once again, then held his phone there until the screen went dark and it locked itself. Then, he set it back down on the nightstand, wrapped the covers tighter around himself, and stared out into the renewed darkness of the bedroom, Marlin's quiet snoozing not the only thing keeping him awake.

~ ~ ~

~angrysmalls [1:21 PM] holy shit

~stripesandhypes [1:21 PM]: [Photo]

~angrysmalls [1:21 PM]: hOly SHIT

~angrysmalls [1:21 PM]: girl

~stripesandhypes [1:22 PM]: [Photo x2]

~angrysmalls [1:22 PM]: gurl

~angrysmalls [1:22 PM]: you're gonna fukken kill me with these

~stripesandhypes [1:22 PM]: You're sure jen's ok with me sending you pics like this?

~angrysmalls [1:22 PM]: yeah i asked! she's right here actually

~stripesandhypes [1:22 PM]: give her the phone

_ _

Lynn rested her chin in her paw, bent over the desk in her dorm with a forgotten mug of tea adding to the cluster of round stains on the wood there. This would probably be her last summer semester, if she had any control over that decision – a full semester's worth of class squeezed into about one-third the time, and as such, the workload felt so much more concentrated. It didn't help that she'd been taking this break from homework for the past twenty minutes now, but… well, it did help. It helped her sanity.

The hyena sighed, looking back down at the papers strewn across the desk. Maybe another ten minutes.

~angrysmalls [1:23 PM]: sup Lynn

~stripesandhypes [1:23 PM]: This Jen?

~angrysmalls [1:23 PM]: yes ma'am :)

~angrysmalls [1:24 PM]: nice tits btw

~stripesandhypes [1:24 PM]: you ever get that boy to suck on yours?

~angrysmalls [1:24 PM]: no???

~stripesandhypes [1:24 PM]: do it

~stripesandhypes [1:24 PM]: =)

~stripesandhypes [1:24 PM]: do it do it

~angrysmalls [1:24 PM]: haha okay

~angrysmalls [1:25 PM]: let me guess, im gonna thank you later?

~stripesandhypes [1:25 PM]: YOU BETTER

She had always meant to talk with Jen more, but that was just a bit… awkward, what with her past relationship with Jordan and their strictly-closed relationship. That last part had given Lynn a considerable pause earlier today when she'd opened the conversation, but she had just really wanted to show someone the pictures she'd taken with Eli over the weekend, and Jordan was really her first choice for everything.

Or, for most things. Some things. Second for most; Eli had taken that first spot, somehow. With the wild dog now on her mind, Lynn swiped that conversation aside and went over to his. She hadn't heard from him since they had said goodnight to each other the previous night: the hyena had sent him a couple of messages today so far, nothing really beyond a “good morning", a “hope you're doing alright" at lunch, and then a “*smooch*" when she'd gotten out of classes, and he'd read them, but…

Well, she figured, he does have work, and there was that whole thing about his lease expiring soon, so… maybe he's just preoccupied. Maybe a thousand other things, too. But maybe.

Sighing, Lynn tossed her phone onto her desk and leaned back in her chair, wobbling for a bit as it leaned precariously. The fan swung slowly around on the ceiling, the bulbs off but the room still lit by the window looking down over the sidewalk and nearby green of the campus. She had been on this new schedule for hardly two weeks, and already the extra Friday felt like it doubled her time away from her brother and her…

And my… well, just what is he?

Her phone slid half an inch in vibrating.

~angrysmalls [1:27 PM]: jordan again >///> I s2g if you two ever get together around me >///>

Lynn smirked.

~stripesandhypes [1:27 PM]: I mean, if yall ever open up….

_ _

Then, on a whim, she switched right back to her chat with Eli.

~stripesandhypes [1:27 PM]: Hey, you still down to hang this weekend? remember I gotta go early to study for my damn finals next week tho

~stripesandhypes [1:27 PM]: I'd like to see your place if that's ok! I know it's a bit of a drive for you to get to rick's, so if it's just you and me, it'd be nice to spend some time there

_ _

It wasn't something she particularly liked thinking about, but things just felt empty when he wasn't around. The dorm usually had that feeling to it, but Sunday night before her drive back up to campus, when Eli had left and Richard had gone out after him for a quick chat, Lynn had paced back into the kitchen, then from there to the living room, then back, then to her bedroom, and… it just looked so empty, the bed there with the sheets thrown back and the ruffled pillows. The extra towel hanging over the bar of the shower, the second glass that he had left on the table. His scent just faintly, faintly in the air, barely escaping her recognition when she tried to grab at it.

After this semester, though, she had already considered making a step towards changing things, and if Brian from the music shop down in town got back to her, that consideration would turn into a decision, and she'd see where that would lead her.

Her phone vibrated in her paw.

~elijasdfgh [1:28 PM]: Hey. Sorry for being absent today. Got some stuff going on

~elijasdfgh [1:28 PM]: Unfortunately my place isn't quite suitable for visitors right now… kind of related to that stuff.

~elijasdfgh [1:28 PM]: Sorry. I'd still love to see you tho

_ _

'Unsuitable'? Lynn frowned. What could he have going on that won't get cleared up by the weekend? Unless it's a flea infestation…

~stripesandhypes [1:29 PM]: Of course! I think I'll be able to make it down Friday night, if you wanna drop by then?

~stripesandhypes [1:29 PM]: I've been meaning to take Rick to that Italian restaurant down 17th there

~stripesandhypes [1:29 PM]: It's been four years, when we last went he was in his pajamas and the waiters glared at him

~elijasdfgh [1:32 PM]: I actually volunteered to work late friday so I don't know

~elijasdfgh [1:32 PM]: Been getting into work late a lot recently so I wanna make that up

~elijasdfgh [1:32 PM]: Saturday okay?

~stripesandhypes [1:33 PM]: Saturday's great.

~elijasdfgh [1:33 PM]: <3

~stripesandhypes [1:33 PM]: <3 <3

_ _

For a moment, then, the little elijasdfgh is typing… note came up, went away, came up again, went away for a while longer… came up once more, then disappeared entirely. Lynn could already feel that little seed of worry take root in her heart, a dreadfully familiar feeling, but she pushed the awareness of that aside and bent over her papers again.

Saturday…

~ ~ ~

Just like the rest of the week, that day took its time in arriving. Lynn found herself looking first towards the window and then the clock near the end of her shift that Friday afternoon, and was out the door before the minute hand had changed again when that time finally came. Rick greeted her at the door as he usually did when she arrived, and the two hugged and talked about their weeks over the dinner he'd prepared. Later, then, Lynn brought out her whiskey and sat in front of the TV with her brother sipping and watching a few episodes of one of the shows they both were interested, episodes Rick had already seen but didn't mind watching again with her.

Then she climbed into bed and tried to get a rise out of Eli, and it seemed like it worked. For a while, at least: two pictures sent back for her three, accompanied by a couple rrrrf_s and _*huff*s… and then at about nine he suddenly disappeared, missing their goodnight exchange for the first time since it had begun.

Some absurd dream about space and giant spiders and her old high school flitted in bits and pieces through her memory when Lynn pulled herself back out of bed the next morning, bracing the slightly-uncomfortable humid heat of the summer morning for her daily run before her shower. Then breakfast, and a snack, and a quick tour of the grocery store for a few key ingredients, then another snack… then a text from Eli letting her know he was on his way over.

That set that seed of worry to rest for a while, at least, with the *smooch* <3 with which that message ended. Some seventeen minutes later she received another – I'm here – and the hyena strolled to the door, tugged it open, and had to hold herself back to keep from running down the sidewalk toward him. It was so, so nice to see his face break into that warm smile when his eyes fell on her, and to notice the way his tail wagged behind him when she yanked him into her arms.

Even though he smelled of fox again. Stank of it. Had she had her eyes closed, she would have thought that this boy in her arms was a fox, in fact. A little annoying – she hadn't yet figured out how to ask him about just what he did with Marlin, or how often he saw him – but nothing too bad: a shower and a run at the nature preserve, and he'd smell like himself again. Then Lynn could push her nose to his, and along his neck and chest, and into all of the other places she loved.

“Hey, you," the hyena breathed, bringing her muzzle up to nuzzle along his ear. That always gave him a shiver, and sure enough, it did today. Eli's fingers squeezed gently at her hips where he had rested them.

“Hey," he murmured back, pressing his lips to her neck. That always made her shiver. “I'm pretty tired. Do you think we can lie down for a bit?"

That hadn't been in her plan, but it definitely wasn't something she would turn down. Lynn led him by the paw into the house, asked if there was anything he wanted first, then walked with him to the bedroom; there they each stripped down, Eli staying in his boxers and Lynn getting down to her bra and underwear, before climbing in beneath the covers. Then she got back up to turn the fan on.

As expected – and desired – the wild dog curled around her as soon as she slid back alongside him, wrapping Lynn in that odd mix of mostly-fox and slightly-Eli. If she dug deep against his neck, though, and if she rubbed her fingers against that spot on his lower back he really liked, she could manage to find his scent buried there.

And also as expected, the closeness and the touching and the rubbing brought a good reaction out of the dog, brought to Lynn's attention by some slow yet persistent grinding against her upper thigh. The hyena chuckled softly, pulled her head back from Eli's shoulder, waited for him to look up at her. Then, she touched her nose to his, smiled, leaned in and flicked her tongue across his lips… and, somehow, he looked surprised.

“Seems you've got a bit of an issue," she cooed, and reached down to run a pair of fingers up along that twitching bulge through his boxers. Eli's hips bucked. “Would you like that taken care of?"

For a moment the dog leaned forward, bumped his head into her shoulder, and let out a soft, needy huff, pushing against her paw for as long as she kept it there. When Lynn brought it away to trail her claws up his side, though, he lifted his muzzle back up and met her eyes. In the dimness of the room his looked uniform brown, rather than the touched silver that she knew they really were.

For once, it looked as though Eli had to think about his response, but sure enough he nodded his consent. Lynn smiled, touched her lips to his as she slid her paw underneath the waistband of his pants, then shifted down to set her teeth against his shoulder. Some movement, a squeeze of her paw, a push from her fingerpads along his sheath still buried beneath that fabric, and… with her muzzle halfway between the covers, suddenly there was a scent she loved.

Eli squirmed against her as she picked up her pace in pawing him off, squeezing down by his unswollen knot with each descent of her paw and lightening her grip near his tip. He swallowed, he panted in her ear, he jerked a little bit if she hit a good spot… but, for some reason, before long it seemed as though he were trying to pull away from her, as though he was losing that erection that just being close to her had pulled out of him.

That seemed to be the case. After a while longer Lynn removed her jaw from his shoulder – she really would've bitten down if he'd asked her to take out the strap-on that they were teasing each other about last week – and slipped her paw back out of his boxers, returning it to its place on his side. The wild dog avoided her eyes, at least until she nuzzled his chin up.

“Hey."

Eli swallowed.

“Is everything okay? You said you had some stuff going on, and…" Lynn slid her arm up Eli's side a bit, dragging her claws gently through his fur. The blanket fell back a bit; she circled in along his chest, following the borders between the splotches of color on him. “Well, you've been… quiet all week."

At least her touches still made him shiver. The wild dog swallowed. “I'm…" Then, he smiled. Or tried to, at least. One of his paws made its way down Lynn's back, settling right above the base of her tail. Eli drew his fingers in through her mane, took hold, let go, shifted up a bit, did so again… the hyena pressed back against his touch. “I'm okay, yeah. I just… wanna nap for a bit, I think."

She watched him for a moment longer in the dark. Eli did look tired, large ears half-splayed back, short whiskers drooping a bit, lines along his muzzle, bags under his half-lidded eyes. Lynn nodded, leaned in, kissed his lips, then his cheek, then where she'd lightly bit his shoulder, and pulled him back in against her. He swallowed again, breathed in as if to say something else… then didn't, and instead dug his muzzle against her shoulder and let that breath out as a soft sigh.

Lynn had felt that same thing from Eli last time she had seen him, too – the distinct impression that he had something he wanted, needed to say, and yet couldn't.

~ ~ ~

A light tingle on her lips, a flutter in her chest, an uncomfortable restless energy pulsing through her body. Lynn waved one more time towards Eli, watching the wild dog climb into his care. He had remained quiet all of the night, responding to her questions in no more than five words at a time and avoiding looking at her. When she'd awoken earlier in the afternoon, she had rolled over to find Eli already awake and facing away from her, looking through messages on his phone – but he had managed to distract her by climbing on top of her and peppering her muzzle, neck, and upper chest with kisses, and then she was the one to find herself clawing at the underside of the pillow and trying not to drool across the front, thighs squeezing first the middle of his body and then his head and-

Well, so she thought, maybe he's not feeling too terribly down. Then he'd looked at her afterwards, tongue flicking across his lips and soaked chin, and beneath the enjoyment and pleasure in his eyes she saw… something else. That had bothered her, even after the wild dog had leaned in, touched and then pressed his lips to hers, and made sure that she tasted herself as well as he had. Even after he had breathed a quiet laugh, smiled, pulled her out of bed to get dressed; even after they had returned to the living room after getting cleaned up, and he had made that fried rice that he had mentioned, and they had sat in front of the TV watching another movie.

It had to be something to do with that damn fox. The past couple of times she had seen Eli, the powerful scent of it on him… the few messages she caught when she glanced over after their nap, and during dinner, and near the end of the movie.

“I guess you wanna go home soon, huh?" she had asked afterwards, noting the way he had only half-paid attention. Even with her sitting at the other side of the couch, footpaws resting in his lap. “You do seem tired, and I gotta head back up to campus after lunch tomorrow…"

It would be the first time he hadn't spent the night. Tonight would. It was going to: Lynn caught his gaze one more time, through both the deepening darkness of evening and the tint of his car's window, before he pulled forward along the curb and then drove off.

“Yeah," was all he'd said in response. Throughout the movie he had been idly rubbing at her footpaws and toes, maybe just to continue touching her: Lynn tried to push them closer, to get another response out of him, but nothing came. Rick hadn't asked to speak with him again before he left – the other hyena had said that they'd exchanged numbers the previous week, and talked a few times – and Eli didn't, either.

So there he went. Lynn watched until the red glare of his rear lights disappeared around the corner at the end of the street.

Stuck in a loop, a constant, heavy malaise. Everyone else can see the problem, but you can't. You know it's there, yet you can't see it. You can't approach it, can't talk about it. Not because you're scared.

_ _

But because, after all this time, you still think you can fix it. The worst part is, you feel like you are the reason the problem is there, and that you are the reason it hasn't been resolved. The thing is, though, that's always half right. It's only a problem as long as you make it one.

_ _

Only as long as you let it go on.