Same Procedure Ass Every Year
#5 of Ball-Shaped Objects
Hinrich drags his tail to work, and deals with colleagues' requests upon his furson.
Well, a little red panda told me that it was
Yes, he doesn't know about this :P
*
Hinrich yawned and scratched behind one of his oversized ears while lumbering down along the GeoCampus corridor leading into his personal Bureau. Wednesday...why did it have to Wednesday, he thought, tail dragging the floor while he wandered along, suitcase swinging from one paw. If it only could be Friday...he could work with Fridays...Fridays were alright...work was alright on Fridays. It meant only eight more hours until he wouldn't have to work for...many hours. That was good! That was fine!
He almost did a double take, rounding a corner in the corridor, the last one before his own home stretch. Only ten meters down, Frau Voss was approaching, top-heavy, with her ample bosom and her coiffed hairdo wobbling threateningly as much as her tail. Hinrich gulped - seeing her face in the morning worked better than any alarm clock or even the strongest coffee available.
"Gooden Morning, Frau Voss!" Hinrich greeted, well in the know that he was the runt of the pack and ought to suck up even to the likes of Frau Voss.
The vixen stopped in her tracks and regarded the red panda with her watery, carefully lined eyes. When she blinked, Hinrich could see purple shadow...and Gott, the stench of L&M...
"Gooden Morning Herr Baikal," the vixen replied, her breath smelling of stale coffee. "Have you Einen goode Birthestag?"
Hinrich's ears heated up; of course the lousy woman knew, how could she not? She seemed to know everything...which could be a good thing upon being inquired about any departmental business, but very bad when you wanted to lead a quiet, unassuming life.
"Vehry Goode, Danke You, Frau Voss," Hinrich smiled nervously, and suspected it looked like a grimace.
"I looken fürwart für zie Spezialsurprises during ze Kaffeepause," the vixen noted before she lumbered down the corridor again, one paw clasping a pocket Hinrich knew to contain a fresh pack of zigs.
Verdammt, the red panda thought, of course he should've brought something...biscuits or cake or Pfannkuchen or something, anything to distract them off his tail. He might have to pop by the nearby Lidl during the lunch hour or something, to save the situation.
Defeated by the pastries at the beginning of the day, Hinrich dragged himself down the corridor, over to the door into his office, unlocked the door with his ID tag on the electronic lock and entered. The muskiness of dust and aged paper filled his muzzle and made him sniffle, briefly. It'd only take a couple of minutes to get used to it, anyway, he could just sit back, check his first emails and then grab a coffee...hopefully without running into colleagues who'd expect him to come bearing confectionaries.
He just about managed to get the lights on before he almost crashed against the door. A huge packet wrapped in colourful Christmas paper and tied with a huge bow was sitting on his chair...and it had definitely not been there when he'd departed on Friday.
"Wass?" Hinrich grunted, his tail swishing curiously, as did his ears.
Well...there was only real explanation, he thought...if it was a surprise gift, it could only really be someone who'd be outrageous enough to leave something like this in his room...he had a...hunch.
"Verdammt!"
Hinrich put his case down and stepped over to the mysterious packet, about 50 by 40 by 40, he made quick mental arithmetic, wondering what kind of things one could hide into such a sizeable parcel. He grabbed it tentatively to lift it, and found it to be somewhat light for its dimensions...a quick shake brought a shuffling noise, but nothing more.
He'd just put the packet down onto the seat when he noticed a white envelope tucked under the wide ribbon. Hinrich snatched it, opened the envelope, and found a small card inside, with curly, neat writing on it.
FOR MY BIRTHDAY BOY
ENJOY!
W
Well, that left little room for doubt now, Hinrich snuffled, as he recognized the capital letter with curled ends added. The tiger had somehow managed to figure out his birthday and conspired to leave him a gift, and there he was...with a very huge very suspicious packet tucked into the red panda's office.
"Alright then, Warrick..." Hinrich muttered, tearing into the paper and ribbons to expose a featureless cardboard box that suspiciously looked like one might use for a move...how...how unsurprising.
Hinrich picked up scissors from his desk and split the tape over the top, ears flicking as he peered curiously over the box, opening its lid...to reveal...
There was another box there, slightly smaller than the first, wrapped in Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer paper, with a thick red ribbon...and yes...of course...an envelope.
"Idiot..." Hinrich shook his head as he grabbed the envelope and unsheathed a card.
I THOUGHT REALLY HARD FOR THE PERFECT GIFT
Hinrich couldn't help but smile as he put the card down to his desk and then tore open the paper on the second box, which yielded as little secrets on its outside surface as the first one.
"No Vay..." Hinrich gasped when the second box was open and...the third box was revealed. "You crazy Kat..."
The third card.
GETTING WARMER!
This didn't sound good...Hinrich tore the Mrs. Santa-themed wrapping paper, feeling frustrated and confused and excited at the same time.
"Krap!"
There was a box, and there was a card...
YOU'LL BE ENTITLED TO A FREE TIGER KISS AFTER THIS
KEEP DIGGING FOSSIL BOY!
"I vill show You Fossils..." Hinrich muttered as he uncovered a box...this time, one he recognized as one for copy paper, what's with the Xerox logo printed on it and all, and as he opened it, there was actually something inside...a black plastic bag, sitting on top of...yes...another packet, wrapped in purple, non-Christmas paper.
"Schit..." Hinrich shook his head while snatching the bag, wondering what kind of a taunting note had been put in there now.
He struggled with the knot on the bag for a second and then unfurled it, and suddenly gasped when the unmistakable tiger musk filled his nose. He grasped the rustling, black, slick plastic in his paws and gawked for a moment...this scent...that smell...
He dared to open the mouth of the bag and peer inside, to see something blue...and white...and...the insides of his ears were burning double the more now, looking into it again...it couldn't be...it just couldn't...
Hinrich reached gingerly within the bag and pulled out its content...entrails of fabric, the scent unmistakably tiger, and the item...a white and blue jockstrap, just like the one the tiger had worn and...and...
His pants ballooned as he stood there, staring at the musky object not dangling from his paw...hell, it took him several seconds to realize that another small slip of paper had fallen from its folds and onto the floor. Hinrich huffed when he bent down to pick it up and flip it around, one paw still filled with mussed-up jockstrap.
I WORE THIS ALL DAY JUST FOR YOU SWEETIE
THOUGHT YOU'D ENJOY!
Well his heart was thundering a comfortable 90 beats per minute at the very least, and the blood pressure in one particular part of his body was well over the normal scale, Hinrich thought wryly, staring at the mess he had already made with the paper strewn everywhere, various cardboard boxes, and now, the rude, smelly jockstrap in his paw.
Even holding it like that, he could smell it...fragrant and musky...damn...ball musk, he was sure of it, the tiger hadn't joked about wearing it...it seemed clean enough, but he'd definitely worn it...
"Verdammt," Hinrich snorted, thinking himself a fool...but...just a little couldn't hurt...right?
The red panda brought the jock close to his pointy nose and took a long sniff...held his breath...sniffed some more...and let out a deep, warm breath as he let the thought and the feeling linger. It sure smelled strong...not quite as much as the original source, but...but it was close there, making his cheeks warm up.
"Oh damn You Tiger..." Hinrich grunted as he stuffed the jock into the bag before he'd do something even more embarrassing, not to mention, the jock might stink up his office and raise some very strange questions.
With the jock securely hidden in a desk drawer, he could finally look into the wrapped box he had found within the latest open he'd opened. The purple paper rattled as he tore into it...and to his relief, he didn't find another layer of wrapping in there, or a card...only a wooden box, polished, nothing too expensive-looking, but still...it did give hope that there was nothing else inside it, no other layer in this devious box Babushka game the tiger had initiated.
Hinrich located a little latch and opened it, holding carefully onto the box as he lifted the lid...and almost slammed it immediately. He'd only caught the sight of something shiny and metallic...yes...another peek later it was still there, as well as yet another goddamned card. Hinrich glanced at his door to make sure that it really was closed before he put the box down onto his desk and finally dared to open it again.
What was inside looked like a hook that'd been sized for the purpose of angling for sharks or something...a long, curved neck of relatively thin polished stainless steel ending in a metal hoop on one end, and a ball on the other end, which would be sharp and hooked should it really have been one for fishing. It rested on red velvet inside the wooden box, and it really did shine in the harsh lighting coming from the ceiling.
"Vat ze Fick," Hinrich slipped into an Anglism, briefly, as he looked at the vicious object again. His brain was giving him a rather specific idea about what this item was for...he'd...perhaps seen one before, on a...light piece of entertainment, maybe, but he'd never even contemplated owning one, let alone...well...whatever, he thought, better take the card...which he did...again, in its small little envelope...and opened with his slightly sweaty paws...finding text written in small paw, but again, very curly and perfectly clear.
I HEARD JEWELLERY IS A GOOD WAY
TO ANYONE'S HEART SO HERE'S
SOME FOR YOU HINRICH I THINK
IT'S PRETTY ON YOU AND YOU
BETTER WEAR IT FOR THE
STEAK DINNER I'M COOKING
FOR YOU TODAY
AT MY PLACE
W
Hinrich gulped.