Journal of a Changed Slave: Ch.8
#8 of Journal of a Changed Slave
I've been a bad girl... But, they didn't punish be as bad as I thought they would. Sure, Stevo paddled my ass so bad I haven't been able to sit down since, but that's hardly worse than anything they've done to me previously. They hung me by my wrists from the ceiling again, but this time Master Chris came to see me too... I felt my stomach tighten and I teared up. I was terrified.
"Your poor little slut head." He said, reaching out and petting me. I heard myself whimper and I nuzzled his hand, desperately, not wanting him to be mad at me, fearing what he might do. "You saw one of your old friends yesterday, didn't you?" He asked. I nodded, sadly. I don't know why, but I instinctively licked his hand, like a dog, anything to help keep away his rage. He smiled at me.
"Poor little Zorah. You're not just broken in, are you? You're fundamentally damaged, aren't you?" He asked. He sounded more... disappointed than angry... so I nodded. He nodded along with me. "That life is gone, Zorah. He didn't recognize you, did he?" He smiled when I teared up.
"You're not a human man anymore. You can't find happiness out in the human world. Even if we let you free, what then?" I started crying hard, and he just shushed me, stroking my face. "Shh, Zorah, look at me." I obeyed, and looked him in the eyes. "You're a sexy, horny little slave girl now, Zorah. And only in slavery can you be happy."
I looked down and sobbed, not wanting to talk to him. He grabbed my chin and lifted my face up again. "You love it, don't you? Feeling helpless. Dominated. Hurt. It makes you wet, being under the heel of a dominant male. It makes you feel happy, doesn't it?" I just started crying harder. He was right. Chris was right... it felt so good... "Your pride, your former life, it only hurts you, and makes things worse."
I just cried and nuzzled at his hand again, making him smile. "Zorah, you're a sexy, beautiful little slave. Embrace that." I whimpered and groaned as I felt him reach between my legs and rub my clit. I moaned and shuddered, spreading my legs for him like the slut I am. I whimpered and started crying again, starting to feel a panic attack coming on. I started welling up with fear, not of Chris, or any of the others, but... I don't know... I don't know what I was afraid of...
"Sir, she's about to freak out." Ivan warned, making him pull his hand away from me. I felt Ivan push his body against mine, hugging me gently and rubbing my belly. Oh I loved that... It settled me down a lot, and after a moment I felt my heart stop racing.
"Poor Zorah. Don't worry, little slut. The sooner you accept your new role, the sooner we can work all the craziness out of your little head." He scratched my scalp. "Otherwise, we'll just have to find someone who will take you despite all the screaming and the pissing yourself."
I felt myself blush, "I'm sorry, Master..."
"It's okay, Zorah. You can't help it. You want to make it up to me?"
I nodded, "Uhuh..."
"Then you just have to be extra sexy for me. Just be a good girl. A good little whore. Okay?"
I nodded again, "Y-yes Master... I'll be g-good..."
"Good girl." Chris smiled and pet my head. He turned to the other two men in the room. "I think we're gonna start letting potential buyers see her. Just to get a taste, you know? Plus, she can start earning me some money back."
Stevo nodded, but Ivan scratched his head, "Well, if you think she's ready for it."
"Most of them won't care that she's crazy as long as she puts out and does as she's told." He turned towards me. "You like the sound of that, Zorah? You'll get to meet some guys, and maybe one of them might take you home." He pet my head and I swished my tail. It sounded great to me at the time...
Chris left the room and left me alone with the other two, who decided to reward me with a rough fuck. I'm so ashamed, but I love getting anal after my ass has been beaten like it has... it just tickles both my pain and pleasure centers in a good way... feeling their hips slamming against my sore body. I moaned and groaned... and then Ivan took a turn with my cunt. I climaxed on him, feeling him biting down on my nipples... Oh God, I'm such a slut...
Everything Chris said to me today was true... As long as I remember who I used to be, I'll never be truly happy here, and there's no place for me out there. Brian, he didn't recognize me. How could he? How could ANYONE? This is my life now... I have to learn to accept it. I have to learn to be happy here, somehow... but it's hard. It's hard to get rid of all this shame... this regret.
March 11? Before March 10
Today, I got my first "Potential Buyer" visit. And by that, they really mean this was my first client as a prostitute. I didn't know it at the time, but that's exactly what I am now. For a fee, lonely guys can arrange to visit me down here and do whatever they like with me. I guess the idea is that if someone likes me enough, they'll decide to buy me too, but I'm betting most guys won't bother to, so long as they have a cheap hooker that isn't allowed to say no to anything.
Stevo showed up to take me out and get me washed up. He took the time to tell me to make sure I was on my best behavior, and that "Today's important, and if you fuck it up you'll find out all sorts of new ways we can punish you." I nodded sheepishly, and promised to be good. That seemed to satisfy him at least, and he let me have the rest of my bath in peace.
Claire and the other slaves seem to like bathing me, taking care of me. They know I'm not in my right mind... They dote on me, wash me up, almost like they were taking care of a child or something... well, except that they occasionally like to tease me, sexually. Especially Claire. When we were done, they wished me good luck and then Stevo came to get me dressed up. I couldn't help but blush at the outfit he put me in. Instead of the leather stuff that I was getting used to, he put me in a lacy thong and a push-up bra, along with some stockings with holes cut out in the toes so that they fit over my feet. He also put some leather cuffs on my wrists and ankles too, in case my visitor wanted to restrain me...
The room he took me to looked nice, actually. It reminded me sort of a hotel room, with a bed, tables, stuff like that. Stevo laid be on the bed and pet my head, reminding me to do my best today. I nodded but I was terrified... the thought of being purchased. Stevo said that it'd probably a long time before someone actually bought me, but... I was supposed to make sure to gather interest in me for when I'm ready to be sold.
I wasn't waiting for too long, when a man I'd never seen before came in. He looked a little scruffy, about college age. "Aww, well look at you." He said, walking over to me.
"H-hello..." I said, sheepishly. I wasn't sure what to do...
"You're a shy little thing aren't you?" He asked, smirking at me. I blushed, not knowing what to say to him. He just chuckled, apparently not caring about my lack of knowlege. "Well you know how to suck dick don't you?" I gulped and nodded.
I did as I was told and sucked his cock for a little bit, doing my best to please him. It's a little embarassing that I even noticed, but his cock was significantly smaller than anyone else's I'd been with... not that it mattered to me. Eventually he had me stop so he could feel me up, play with me a little bit. Not that I'm exactly an expert, but he wasn't very good, or at least, he didn't really care about my pleasure, just his.
He eventually bent me over the bed and pulled my panties down, just fucking me hard and fast. Despite his size, it still felt good... I guess I'm just really easy to stimulate. "Mmm, you lizard chicks are so tight." He told me. He spanked my ass a few times, not too hard. He didn't wanna hurt me, I think he just wanted to get off. And he did, for once finishing before I was able to cum.
I'll admit, I was a little unsatisfied when he left, but he pet my head and told me that I was "worth every cent" before leaving. I wagged my tail and thanked him. They didn't come and get me right away, leaving me a chance to jill myself and actually climax, since he hadn't bothered to make sure that I finished.
Looking back on it, it's obvious he didn't have any interest in actually buying me... Honestly I should probbaly be thankful for it. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised that I'm literally a whore now... in hindsight it seems like a pretty natural progression.
Still, the fact that someone had fucked me for money... I feel dirty... dirty in a new way that I haven't felt before...
March 10th
Today, they took me for another walk. They did the usual stuff, getting me bathed, and dressed... although this time it was Stevo who was walking me, and dressing me. He dressed me up in a thong as usual, but he added in a very short skirt, short to the point where I'm not sure what the point of having me even wear it was. He put a barely-covering bikini top on me along with some thigh-high stockings. I think the intent was to make me look like a hooker. To sort of "advertise" me for Chris...
Stevo strapped my ball-gag in, not trusting me to speak anymore. Either way, I was at least a little happy to get outside... Feel the sun on my scales and get some fresh air. As we walked around, I found myself being more self conscious than I had before... Now that I knew that anyone who saw me might show up to "rent" me later. It'd never dawned on me before, but the way my feet are, the way I naturally walk on my tip-toes, it's like I'm wearing high-heels all the time. I can't help it, whenever I walk my rear shakes and sways like I'm a stripper...
I tried to ignore them, just trying to ignore people. It didn't help that Stevo kept telling guys that I was "open" now. Not that it mattered, I'm sure Master Chris would let folks know too. He even let them feel me up a little when there weren't too many around. It wasn't so bad until we got back home... and then I saw Brian again. He was in the parking lot, on his cellphone. I don't know what he was doing there, but there he was.
He looked right at me... and like I expected, I didn't find any hint that he recognized me whatsoever. In fact, if anything, he looked like he was judging me... disgusted with me... I remember whimpering, tearing up, and then Stevo just rushed me inside. He got me in, stripped me down, and then sent me back to my cell, where I could write.
Seeing Brian again, seeing him look at me like that... I mean, I'm glad to see him, but, it's not as comforting as I thought it'd be. It just reminds me of bad times, more than anything. But God do I need him now, more than ever. Brian was always there for me, always. Even when I'd hurt him, he was there for me, to help me pull my life back together.
I remember when we were sixteen, I was in a dark place. I'd stolen from him, and then I'd shifted blame onto his girlfriend at the time... They ended up breaking up over it even. God, I felt so awful... I confessed to him out of guilt. I expected our friendship to be over right then and there. Yeah, he was furious with me, but instead of abandoning me, he helped me put my life together again, despite everything. I spent a long time making up for it, and he eventually forgave me.
Christ... maybe he does recognize me? Maybe he just doesn't want to help my pathetic ass out again... maybe I'm not done paying for all the nasty stuff I'd done when I was a kid. Like this is some sort of divine retribution. I deserve this.
Oh God, no, I can't do this to myself. I just can't.
March 15
Master Chris says I'm a good little whore. I've had three more clients since my last one. I just do what I'm told, and things go okay for me. The first one was okay. He was pretty gentle with me, anyhow... But he made me do most of the work. After we both came, he cuddled me up and told me that he might buy me. He thought my childish personality was "cute".
The second one handcuffed me to the bed before he had me. I... I had a panic attack during that one, and I started freaking out. He didn't seem to mind though... in fact he seemed pretty unphased by the whole thing. It's for the better, I guess, since he apparently didn't complain or anything like that...
I had my third one the same day as one of my walks... in fact he followed us home back to the building. He was a little more odd than the other ones... I think he just wanted me as a punching bag. He had me completely bound, my wrists behind my back and my legs spread and tied to the bedposts. He even had me gagged so I couldn't talk. He spanked me, slapped my face, fucked my ass, even punched me a few times. The whole time he kept calling me "Cassy", so I think I was just a convenient outlet for some of his frustration.
I don't really like being a masochist... even though getting hurt feels good physically, it makes me feel awful... awful that I crave it, that I crave sex. That I'm a stupid whore...
March 17
Hope. I finally have some fucking hope. Oh Christ, thank you.
Today, I was taken to the meeting room to see another potential buyer. I was left naked except for my cuffs and collar. I just laid on the bed, nervously waiting to see who was visiting me today, and see if they had any bizarre tastes. When I heard the door click open, I looked up and saw Brian, standing there in the doorway... I had never felt such a combination of joy and terror in all my life...
"Brian...!?" I remember not being able to speak very loudly. I also remember covering my chest, trying to hide my nakedness from him. He just looked at me from behind his glasses, a mixture of rage and... pity, maybe. He slammed the door behind him and walked over to me, threateningly.
"Save it. I want to know what you know about Zack, now!" He demanded.
"I..." I choked up, terrified. I started stuttering, "Y-you won't believe me, but... it's me... I'm Z-Zack..."
It only made him angrier. "Don't bullshit me right now, I'm NOT in the mood. I don't know what sick game you and your masters are playing here, but I'm fucking sick of it already."
I teared up, "No, Brian, listen-" But he interrupted me.
"You listen! I have been looking for my friend for almost a goddamn year, and you expect me to believe that it's YOU?" He was furious, and he wouldn't let me talk.
"Please, just let-" I was starting to get frustrated too... I was so close, and now he wouldn't believe me, how could he? But he wouldn't even let me TRY. He always did that. When he got riled up he'd always talk over me, I couldn't get a word in edgewise.
"I talked to your Masters already and they gave me the runaround too-
I suddenly had enough, "Would you let me talk you dick!?" I yelled, before covering my mouth. I was afraid of being hit, or punished, but that did get him to stop talking. We just stared at each other for... minutes, I think. It must've jogged something in his mind, because all of a sudden he was willing to consider the possibility.
"Alright..." He said, slowly, "What's Jessie's favorite band?"
"C-Crimson Glory." I responded, immediately. She wasn't all that into metal like we were, but she really liked them. "Her... her favorite song is 'Queen of the Masquerade'." I could actually see tears well up in his eyes a little.
"And mine..?" He asked.
"Mastadon... Blood and Thunder..." I said, hugging myself a little. It was all coming back to me. He kept that up for a few moments, asking me personal questions... Our favorite highschool teacher... The video game tournament we played in...
I saw him take off his glasses and bury his face in his hands, "Oh God...." Seeing him cry like that, immediately made me start crying too... I couldn't help it... I walked up and hugged him, burying my face in his shirt and sobbing. I felt him hug me back, patting my back like he had before. We just stayed like that for I don't know how long. "How...? How did they do this to you!? It's impossible!" He asked, finally.
"I don't know..." I told him, crying into his shirt.
"I... I'm not sure I can believe all this..." He told me.
"Oh God, please... Brian, I've been going more and more insane here, please." I don't know what I was begging him for, but he seemed to understand.
"Shh, sh... it's okay, I'm here." He told me, just letting me have a good cry. "Let it all out..." And I did, blubbering and sobbing like I never had before. I don't know how long I was there, crying, but I eventually slowed down. I was hyperventilating from all the sobbing, though...
"Jessie misses you." He told me. I just nodded, not able to talk well. "I did too, for that matter... Zack, I don't know how they did this to you, or if you're even Zack. But you sure as hell believe you are, and you have his memories, so that's good enough for me." I just nodded again, understanding... I still didn't exactly believe it myself.
"Alright, we need to get you out of here first, and we'll figure out what to do from there." I sniffed and nodded again, finally starting to calm down. I heard a knock on the door, which usually meant that our time was almost up.
"N-no, I don't want you to go... I'm so scared..." I said, clinging to him, desperately.
"I won't leave you here, I swear it. When I head out here, I'll go right to the piece of shit in charge of this place, okay? I'll figure out a way, somehow." He pat my shoulder, and I took a few deep breaths before nodding once more. "I'll talk to Jessica too, okay?"
"Will you come see me again...?" I asked.
"If I can't get you out of here soon, yeah. I'll come see you. I'll see if Jessie will too" I smiled, and he smiled seeing my spirits lift a little. "I'll even buy more time then."
"Alright..." I said, giving him one last hug.
After a few minutes, I heard someone call inside, "Time's up, wrap it up."
"I'll see you again, real soon, okay man?" He said.
I felt myself genuinely smile for the first time in a long time, "Alright dude... see you then..." I saw him wipe his tears away and put his glasses back on before heading out, giving me one last glance before walking out.
The rest of the day was pretty standard... Ivan had some fun with me and then he sent me to bed. I don't know what's going to happen anymore, but... for the first time I feel good. Like maybe this isn't the end. I don't know what all I can do. Right now, as soon as I'm done writing, I'm going to pray harder than I ever have before, and go to bed.
See you soon, Jessica. God willing...