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A perfect ribbon of sand stretches out to left and right. It's clean, so clean and white it almost hurts to look at in the summer sun. Thats why I have my sunglasses on, of course, and a hat. And my flip-flops; as much as I hate them, I hate burnt paws from treading on overheated sand even more.

"You are such a wuss you big girly wuff"

I smile, and turn to regard you casually from over my Raybans. Still beautiful; I remember the first time I saw you swimming, out there on the reef, with your hooves flicking as you powered through the breakers. My beautiful pony, at home in the ocean as much as anywhere. Everything you did seemed an expression of effortless grace. Even the way you befriended me.

"Just because your big hooves don't feel the heat, and your brain is too small to get fried in the January sun, doesn't mean all of us have to be stupid."

There is an amused nicker, and I refuse to notice your tongue poking at me. Of course, inside I'm pleased, as I was that first time. No, not pleased; thrilled. A friend, and an impossibly cute and assured one at that. I confess I thought you were humouring me then.

"Do you remember our first time here wuff?" your musical voice even sounds like the ocean. I could bathe in it.

"Are you reading my mind pony?"

"Well, not surprising, is it."

"I guess not. Yes, I remember every detail. We were both fifteen."

"That's right wuff, two teenagers stuck in this poxy resort town for the summer with their parents. Nothing to do but swim and surf and you were so frightened of the water."

"Not frightened; cautious."

"Pardon me master wuff. You were so cautious of the water. Of everything, I thought at first."

"Well, there are sharks, and stingrays, and jellyfish, and all sorts of horrible things out there. It's not safe for wuffs. Or ponies."

"But I got you out there. I remember the first time you made it to the reef. I wanted to scream I was so proud wuff."

"Yeah, though I spoiled it a bit by not being able to make it back without you rescuing me."

"It didn't matter. I was proud, and you were so brave. The first of many adventures, but that was the first time you really showed your strength. I knew it was there, under the surface. You were always smarter than me, I knew that, but I knew you were braver too after that day."

"Hah! As if pony."

"I'm serious. You kissed me first, remember."

"You wanted it pony."

"I wanted to do it that night you swam out to the reef, but it took me two more years of pestering my parents to go back every summer because you would be there, and I still couldn't make the first move. You did."

"I remember, after we went bushwalking. I pulled you into my arms back in the lodge when our parents were out at the pub and you didn't fight it. Your lips tasted like peppermint."

"Your cock tasted better than peppermint."

I blush now. I never used to like hearing sex talk growing up, it made me uncomfortable. But from your lips; ahhh I could hear you whisper in my ear every minute detail of what you were doing to me when we fucked. It almost felt as good as what your body did to me.

"I heard that wuff."

Now I blush more.

"You were always so cute when you blushed. I never knew if I wanted to fuck you or cuddle you and keep you safe when you blushed. I settled for one then the other."

"I liked that combination. Feeling so safe in your arms afterwards; nothing I couldn't handle."

"You made that possible wuff. Without you, I wouldn't have been able to do it. I'd have still been pretending I was into girls even though I knew."

A pair of kids are laughing and yelling now, and I look up. A tiger and a husky, they are between us and the ocean, paws making little prints in wet sand as they send a Frisbee back and forward with easy flicks of their paws. I drown in memories watching them.

"Don't. If you want to be like that wuff, I'm going." I can feel your resentment.

"No, please!" A sigh.

"Then why did you bring me back wuff...especially here?"

Yes, that was the question, wasn't it.

"Do you remember the last time we came here pony?"

"Yes wuff. And I'm sorry. I knew I had to come one last time, even though I knew what this place meant to both of us."

"You picked a fine place to tell me you weren't going to have that last round of chemo."

"I had had enough my love. I wanted to enjoy whatever time I had left, with you, and not chucking my guts over a nurse on an oncology ward. There was nothing left to fight for, it was time."

"I know. You were ready."

"Yes wuff."

"I wasn't."

"I knew that too."

"I guess, I wanted one last talk, one where I said some of the things I really wanted to and not the gibberish I came out with then."

"As I remember it, you were pretty eloquent. You always were better at that than me."

"Eloquent but not honest pony."

"Well, you brought me here, so...be honest wuff. Theres no reason not to be anymore."

"I wasn't ready then. I'm still not ready. I don't think I ever will be."

"Park that, but go on."

"I hated you back then. For giving up, for being ready to check out when I couldn't live without you."

"I know love, and I knew then, but it didn't hurt. I knew where it came from. What else."

"I had an affair, with that Doberman from work. You were right, and I made you feel bad for being jealous. I don't even know why I did it except when you were sick I felt so alone."

"We both strayed wuff. We both made mistakes. I gave you enough reason to leave a few times, but you always stayed. It never meant as much as what we had. That's not nothing. Anything else?"

"A whole lot of stupid stuff I always wanted to tell you. Your car for example; I broke the clutch while you were in hospital the first time. I know you kept telling me not to ride the clutch...but I hate the fucking manual, and I hated looking like a dunce so I fixed it without telling you. That's where the holiday savings went, not to send my cousin to rehab."

You laugh, more musical than your voice, and suddenly I'm laughing too. And crying; the two are often a hair's breadth apart, and never closer than on this beach, on a Summer's day. How many times in those summers did you have me laughing at some story, and crying when I thought you didn't like me the way I liked you.

"So we didn't go to Tahiti for our last holiday. We came here; surely that's not a bad thing? Any more?"

"When I told you that second summer that I had gone skinny dipping at school camp, I lied. The whole idea freaks me out, the very thought of some scaly fishy thing on my sheath..."

I couldn't stop shaking involuntarily, in spite of the heat.

Your laughter is so beautiful, I just listen for a while.

"So why did you tell me you had?"

"I wanted you to think I was brave. And I wanted you to nude up and join me in a skinny dip then rescue me naked and our bodies would be all touching and I could feel your sheath and..."

"Oh wow, such a little schemer!"

"Yeah, totally taken over by hormones. I wanted you so bad, it hurt."

"I told you already wuff. I do think you are brave; I did back then, even before we kissed. You were always frightened, but you did it anyway. Even when you knew you had no idea what you were doing and every part of you wanted to be scared. All those adventures on those summer holidays, I watched you conquer your fear for me."

"Yes, for you. So how the fuck am I going to do it without you pony?"

I'm screaming now, still staring out to sea. I feel a silence, and my heart pounds hard into the void, but your voice comes back and I let out the breath I suddenly realise I've been holding.

"Now we're getting somewhere at least. The answer is by being you, wuff."

"Not much use that."

"Bullshit. I told you, you were braver than me. When you pulled me into that kiss when we were seventeen, I fell so much in love with you. And part of that was because I knew how much you wanted me, and how much you were risking. You gave up the fantasy for a chance at the reality. That was more than I could have done."

"I still hate the water pony."

"But you can swim. Not great, but well enough. And that wuff, the one who faced down his fears, is still the same wuff now. You have it in you my love. You always did, with me or without me."

"But I can't..."

"Shh my love. The next adventure is all yours wuff, I cant share it. But I know you will make it; just learn to drive a manual, please, for me? I know I used to say 'If you can't find it, grind it' and all, but that's really not a great idea.

Laughter is the ultimate therapy, yours and mine together even better. I don't notice the Frisbee between my paws until the husky bends down to talk. He is staring, as is the tiger, as if I've gone mad.

"Ahhh...Sir...who are you talking to? Why are you crying?"

I turn, but of course you aren't there. Just the familiar expanse of golden sand, stretching away into the distance, with the occasional fur sunbaking on a towel like a jewel amongst the gold.

"Sir...?"

"Nothing. Nobody...just talking to myself. I'm crying because I'm sad. Don't worry about me, just have fun."

"Ahhh...well...the Frisbee..."

I smile to set them at ease, and toss it in the air. They whoop and yell as they jostle for position, and the husky just manages to get it first, and then they run off down the beach a little while I watch them.

"The next adventure is all mine. Well my love, I guess here is as good a place to start as any. You are wrong though, there will always be a bit of you with me. I know that now."

I stand and face the water, steeling myself against the onshore wind. It flicks my tail teasingly, and my fur ruffles gently in the breeze. I can smell the ocean, like I did that summer when we were fifteen. That mysterious combination of salt and seaweed and ozone. I always associate it with you.

Onto the sand drops my sunglasses, hat, flip-flops. Then t-shirt, shorts, and finally with eyes closed, my boxers. The breeze stirs my sheath now, and I know I am blushing. Just keep your comments about cuteness to yourself pony.

"Oh wow!"

"Shit!"

"Ahhh...Sir...Sir?"

The husky and the tiger start cheering and clapping as I walk steadily down to the shoreline and wade into the shallows. The water is still pretty cold, but I'm eager to get in up to waist height at least so I dive in and surface in deeper water and ignore the shock.

"First things first. Better late than never pony; race me to the reef."

I point my head towards the reef and start. In my ears, I hear the music of a pony laughing and encouraging, while the kids yell and scream at the crazy wolf on the water. The ocean takes pity on me, and nothing fishy comes to investigate. Maybe you are here with me, keeping them at bay.