My roommate's a werebeast
Silly thing I randomly thought up
We've all had our weird share of roommates. When I moved in with my roommate, I had no idea how odd it was going to be. My roommate's weird. You ever have a roommate who liked to walk around the house nude? Mine does.
*The narrator walks into find a naked werebeast in the living room*
"...Please tell me you at the very LEAST kept the curtains closed this time."
My roommates quirks -do- kind of limit any social gatherings. One of the strict rules in our house was no parties.
"Aw come on, Ms. Tathers is out so we can play some loud music."
"No way. We're having it at my place."
"Why do you never want to have the party at -my- place?"
"Adel's allergic to your roommate."
"Okay, can you please stop growling at people I invite over? It really freaks them out."
"I'm not watching anything funny with your roommate. He laughs OBNOXIOUSLY."
"He can't help the hyena-laughing!"
We all had our share of arguments related to my roommate's quirk.
"Whoa, you look really tired..."
"Your howling and snarling kept me up last night."
"Full moon my ASS, you do NOT eat food with my name on it!"
"Can you please stop leaving your torn-up clothes all over the house?"
Eventually we started to come to various agreements on how to live with each other.
"YOUR turn to clean the bathroom - you clogged the sink and the tub with your hair again."
"How many times have I told you, please quit leaving chewed-on bones on the floor!"
"AAAH! You shredded the curtains! If I've told you once I've told you a thousand times, use the darn scratching post!"
My roommate certainly gets some stares.
"What's this I hear about you scaring everyone away at the gym?"
"I dropped a weight on my foot - sue me."
"Hey, do you think this would be good to replace the glasses you broke?"
"...I am -NOT- drinking milk out of a saucer."
Though there are times I regret my living arrangements.
*vacuuming the house*
"I hate shedding season..."
"I'm hungry."
*finds the fridge an utter mess*
"...Dammit!"
"AWOOOOOOOO!"
*the narrator calmly opens up the door*
"Can you keep it down? I have a test in Physics tomorrow."
*narrator's back is being patched up with bandages*
"Remind me never to ask you to scratch my back again..."
The Neighbours certainly have a few interesting thoughts
"YOUR ROOMMATE'S GONE RABID!!"
"Nah. He just shifted while brushing his teeth again."
"I appreciate your understanding, but can you please be careful about throwing frisbees in our yard?"
*old man playing tug of war with a werewolf with a newspaper*
"BAD! NO! LET GO! MY PAPER!"
"Have you seen my ball of yarn?"
*notices the werecat roommate tossing it around* "Yep."
"That's the neighbours - they say you stole their socks and weasel war-danced away... again."
But overall I like my roommate, despite their odd quirks
*walks into their room and turns the lights on*
"MMMMMMMPH! MORE SLEEP!!!"
"Sorry, semester started - no more hibernating."
"Okay, can you please -quit- stealing my earrings?"
"B-But I can't help myself around shinies!"
"The couch? Why can't I just sleep in your roommate's bed?"
"Because she doesn't have one."
"...Huh, I wondered why she has a pile of gold in there..."
"It's settled. I get this room because it has the best angle for sunbeams in the morning."
My roommate even paid for a new phone!
"Sorry... I drunk-dialed your mom, growled, and scratched the screen like crazy..."
And there are some perks!
"May I have your Bed Bath and Beyond coupon?"
"Oh, sure."
"Why -do- we get these frequent shopper cards all the time?"
"Because of how many times I got a pillow stuck in my horns."
"I don't think I -ever- would have learned how to cook a steak before meeting you. I used to like these well-done, thank you for teaching me."
"Oh no prob."
*kids walk up*
"Trick or treat! Wow! nice costume!"
*The narrator is dressed as Edgar Allan Poe with the were-raven roommate next to them*
"Thank you!"
"Nevermore."