Know Thy Enemy
#9 of The Getaway (Thriller)
Another chapter here - have fun!
*
"What're you guys talking about?" I asked once I'd gotten my cup of ol' Joe and joined the throng of furs enjoying their brew and bagels in the break room.
"Purvis here was telling me about how they've got a name for it now," Larry said, looking at the fox with a playful smirk.
"Oh?" I glanced from the otter over to the fox who seemed pleased with himself.
"Yeah, that bug that's been killing furs in India and Pakistan and Saudi-Arabia and who knows where, they've got a name for it, I read on the news," Purvis said.
"While you were meant to be working, right?" Pam snickered the way only squirrels could.
"Well it's news, and I was just about to go off for coffee, anyway," the fox said.
"Tell us all again what it's called," Larry said.
"Para herpes," the fox said.
Larry chuckled. He seemed to find it hilarious for some reason. I sipped from my coffee and grabbed a bagel from the box.
"It sounds like something you can catch from a...a merry night out somewhere," Larry said.
"Because herpes is hilarious?" Pam snickered. "Or because you've got experience, Larry?"
The otter blew a raspberry.
"No thanks," he said.
"Ever had chickenpox, Larry?" Purvis asked.
"Doesn't everyone?" the otter folded his arms over his chest.
"I've vaccinated my kids against it," Pam said. "You don't have to have it anymore."
"I've had chickenpox," I said.
"Ditto," Larry said.
"Then you've got herpes," he said, "chickenpox is caused by a virus that's related to herpes. And so is this new thing, apparently, and that's why they call it para herpes."
"Did you read that from Wikipedia?" Larry asked.
"Yep!" the fox's ears wiggled.
"The relief of every bored office worker," Pam opined, "ever since they blocked Facebook."
"Work efficiency my tail," Larry guffawed. "How am I going to learn about your son's piano recital now?"
"Try talking with me here, muzzle to muzzle?" Pam challenged him.
The otter smirked.
"Can't we go back to talking about herpes?"
"They say it's more like chickenpox than a cold sore," Purvis continued, "there's blisters and the like, full of puss."
"Ugh, do we have to talk about it here?" Larry winced.
"I can handle it," Pam said, "can't you?"
"I'm fine," I smiled.
"Hear that?" Pam glared at Larry. "He's more man than you are!"
"Oh, thanks a lot!" the otter sounded playfully outraged. "Really..."
"Bet the science boys are excited," Pam mused, "another virus to poke under their microscopes. Haven't had a good virus scare since...what was it...that thing that was making kids paralyzed for a while?"
"Can't remember what that was called," I said, "it came a couple years after Ebola in West Africa, I think."
"Wonder who they'll blame now," Purvis said roughly.
"Terrorists?" Pam suggested.
"Terrorists, Islamists, Christians, Jews, the Big Pharma, a government conspiracy, the Illuminati, the Secret World Order, the International Monetary Fund...you take your pick!" Larry said.
"You forgot gay marriage," I said.
They looked at me. I took a nonchalant sip of my mocca and smiled.
"What? You always hear about that. Whatever happens, epidemic, violence, a natural disaster, it's God's punishment for gay marriage," I said. "Everyone knows that."
"I didn't take you for someone who listens to televangelists," Pam snickered.
"Know thy enemy?" I suggested.
Everyone laughed. I laughed too.
"So you're saying, every time one of your lot ties the knot, Baby Jesus weeps?" Larry said, loud enough that Jerome, the cougar sitting in the other table nearby, perked his ears and let out a quiet chuff of disapproval. We didn't care about his Christianity.
"Pretty much, from what I understood," I replied.
Pam chuckled into her mug.
"Tough shit."
Larry slurped down the rest of his coffee and put the mug down to the table.
"I have to make a phone call," he said, "catch you later."
"Yeah, later," Pam smiled.
Purvis nodded courteously, and I gave him a smile too, as the otter got up.
*
Thank you for reading!