Chapter 1
Lost In The Mist © 2015 Sinclair Diavante
For Saku. 09/04/2001 - 01/07/2015 "Gonna get yer paws!"
Chapter 1.
We were on our way to the starport, and neither Zach nor I had spoken since we left the house; so far, we spent it in silence. The Hahkota was too massive to land locally, something about a-grav causing geological harm. At first, I couldn't even think of what to say, I was too astounded. Like a ruptured dam, slowly thoughts began to trickle in, and then they rushed in a torrent of emotion. For once, I knew it had nothing to do with my collar, since I wasn't wearing it for the first time in three years.
"Zach-"
"Call me Zeek, Keman." He turned his attention back to the road, piloting an expensive silvery groundcar across a winding road paved with crushed cellulose. Green trees and lush meadows passed us on both sides, calm, tranquil. My home. I was leaving so much behind me.
"Zeek. Did you plan this part? You said you designed my whole future." I kept worrying the situation, caught up in my shame and anger. I was ready to explode into self-loathing, as I feared this was all because of something I did wrong. Anything this bad was always my fault.
Zeek smiled, but his scent was sad. "Only in the best of circumstances."
"The best? This is the best?!?" I glared at him, anger took the lead. My emotions felt like unstable rocket fuel.
He stared at me. "Yes, the best. If your personalities didn't mesh, if you became unstable. This phase could be postponed, indefinitely, if need be."
"Phase." I squeezed claws into my palm pads, making a fist and relishing the pain. "How can you sit there and be so cold and calculating? I'm not some... quota to be met!"
"No, you're not. That's why you have your freedom, because we're not cold. You deserve this, you've earned it." He wiped his whiskers with a paw, shifting his hands on the steering gear.
"I don't deserve being ripped away from my Alpha." My mind slowed, tasting the concept. Yes, that's what this was. Being excised, like some malignant tumor. My nostrils flared, ready to search for lies.
He bared his teeth; the close confines were amplifying our scents, heightening both of our emotions. His began to reach the state where they interfered with his speech.
"Alpha? You use word as if you know what really means. But you don't, I designed recognition to dominance! Don't use word with me, human."
The reference hurt like a slap, and I was about to reply when the truth sank in. My whole upbringing, mom and dad, they were just thin smoke that wafted away when I tried to pull up details. I had no littermates, just a brother who had been dead for six centuries, from a race now nearly extinct. I felt very alone, and I clung to the past, which I knew was real. Nevertheless, Sin was a part of that, how could I just walk away? He meant everything to me; it wasn't fair to say I didn't know the meaning of what an Alpha was.
"Then what would you call it?" I asked. "When someone comes into the room, and you look at his eyes and take in his scent, in order to set your expectations?"
He said nothing.
"What would you call it, when your stomach rumbles and you think of what he might provide? This isn't my world, Zeek. It's his, and I would follow his lead, until I could only crawl, and then I would crawl, until I died." Truth.
Zeek's lips twitched, he wiped a tear from his eye, and kept driving.
"I know you think this is good for me, but it isn't!" I realized I was taking my anger out on him, but I had to. I couldn't twist the blade in Sinclair, Zach had to be the one.
"It is." He looked at me.
"No, it isn't! This is a mistake. You're so afraid of fucking me up? What the hell am I going to do, huh? I'm canine and I'm all alone, you know that hurts!" The lone wolf is usually the dead wolf.
Zeek turned his gaze back to the road. "You are not alone. Casey and Ash have refused every mission that didn't put them one step closer to finding you. That couldn't go on forever, you know. I never predicted that your personality would pull like a singularity."
I thought about that for a moment. Part of me was actually eager to see them again, but another had nothing to say to them. I couldn't mention anything about Sin, and he was the only thing I wanted to talk about.
"I don't have. Much. To say to them." I looked down at my paws. Thick, leathery paw pads, sharp claws.
"I think they're expecting that, Keman. But, before you go and treat them like shit, do remember that for the past three years they've been blaming themselves for leaving you behind." He glanced at me. "While you've been having the time of your life, they have probably not allowed themselves a moment of happiness. If they did, I never saw it.
"Why not just tell them the truth? They're trustworthy." I frowned.
Zach shook his muzzle quickly. "No! Private business, Sin's orders. Remember, they hunt people like him. Never understand, not capable of it. Learn you aren't real... never trust you." That was a concept I found hard to believe. How awful it would feel to come under their scrutiny. A concept to remember.
Thinking about it became too much to bear. My world went blurry again, and I turned to look out the side window. I couldn't see a single thing. I missed Sinclair, but my tears were my own, not for someone else to witness. I needed to contain my emotions, bottle them all up, to take little sips from in the future.
Silence was our only companion for the rest of the trip.