FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Our story it would seem has to start, because if it does not start, you'll put this damn book down and be dissatisfied you bought it. Well, I guess I have to sway you to stay here some how. A story must be told. This story deals with dragons, umbrellas, and the things that keep them apart. Well maybe nothing I just stated is in this story, maybe it is. I guess YOU will have to stay and find out now won't cha? I guess I just caught you in a trap and if you do not stay, you'll be angry cause you feel like you let YOURSELF down. Either way, I will only be doing half the work. You can stay or go. See if I care.

Wow, seems you really do wish to stay. I thought there for a minute I was going to get to go back to book bed and not see your eyes peering at me...making me feel all exposed and violated, cause seriously, your giving me that creepy vibe. You watch porn...do not lie to me either. I know your secrets and if you lied...I will find your home, bury it in a burning rage fueled by my alcoholic tendencies, and my unyielding passion for pyro. Fail!

Well then on to the story, other wise I have to deal with your whining cause I am taking too long to get to it. Get your teeth looked at, your making me want to use the butter that looks like your teeth to give my toast flavor. Gross. Oh, thats right...story...sorry. Your just distracting.

Chapter One: I Do Not Believe You Stayed

Well then, our story starts with a bunny. Thats right, not your ideal, small fluffy bunny that you get as a house pet...that just a denial thing you like to go home to in your mind. The bunny we are looking at is like a Tiny Toon bunny...just more bad ass. As you see our bunny is a eye patch wearing, bandanna sportin', cigar smoking alchy. Like what you would expect Ron White, Rambo, and The Don combined and put into bunny form. Anyway, thats the bunny we want. Not your cliché family pet. Gawd! Still with me? Okay, he lives in this wicked kick ass, futuristic metropolis. The ones you see in movies like "I-Robot" and "The Fifth Element" (If you have not seen either, put the book down and cry, because they both are heuristically applied movies. Maybe not that great. I like them, but your opinion is puny and I really do not care what you think. Knave!). He is your average lone gunner cop. One that has his hardships (divorce, ED, and a drinking problem. OH! The fits of rage make him one rogue cop that is like your bad cop times 10!) BEN IDLE IS THE SHIET! Remember that, now back to the movie induced book that your gonna suffer through because there are like NINJA'S, ROBOTS, and the occasional Pirate that comes into play. Ready for this stuff? Me either...I'm doing the work.

Anyway, the bunnies name is what ever the hell you want it to be...Mine is Gibson. He is a bad ass...yours...not so much...mine awesome. Anyway, Gibson works the 3rd shift at District 3 Police Department (I'mma gonna refer to it as PD from now on...to lazy to write it out, and wanted your insignificant mind to know why its PD!). See, there are 13 districts in the whole city. As the city is separated into these so that police is situated according to the vast population that is Bucky 'O hare town. Thats right! Most kick ass bunny alive! The times are hard as the city is ruled by a failing Democracy, as the government is taking 'Marshall Law' and shoving it places only a loose hooker couldn't find them! The feeling that is most disliked but yet, people accept it because they want to live a more relaxed life. The people are easily monitored and even caught before they do the crimes. See the cops are actually time cops and travel through space and time to caught their man. Gibson being the most well equip, decorated, and well endowed cop ever to grace the force.

He is one of the most influential powers on the police force. Being able to control the force from his small work desk. He is undergirding the pipe work that will be his district to control in a few short weeks. He really does not show any of these things as he is a master at masking his emotions. Speaking monotone and rarely smiling. His eyes are hard, and have seen many a things. He also as this kick ass power dodge bullets by running into them. Yeah, he can catch them with his body...that way dodging is not required. He has many wounds from the 20 years on the force. He has saved children from chemical fires, beat thugs for fun, and even joins the weekly gang rumbles so that he can beat someone to a pulp and blame someone else.

I know it is hard to believe someone so awesome can live in this town, and soon be Police chief. He will be a tough cookie to handle. He's deputy that works with him, now this man is like a pushover powderpuff. He stands 6'3" weights 210, and thats all muscle folks. Oh, and not to forget that he was involved in the intergalactic forces for 10 years before joining the force. He can crush a skull in this bunny paws, then he licks the blood. He is one push over people, because he fancies to frolic everywhere he goes, sporting pink tank tops and shorty shorts. He looks like a male prostitute just in cop form. Like "Reno 911". Haven't seen it, you fail at life; sorry!

Now our boys where on call one night, seemed like a night that would be slow, unmoving, and probably cause them to engage in buttsecks for the hell of it! Well, maybe not...who knows? I do not judge...your prejudiced prick! The call then came across the radio in the all white, super decked out gps driven, flying cop car...I saw it coming...cause I am writing this...duh! Now, the call screamed loudly "ALL CARS PLEASE PROCEED THIS TIME IN A TIMELY FASHION TO THE NEAREST GRAVEYARD, AS THE BODIES OF THE DEAD...ARE COMING BACK TO LIFE!" (Thats right, we have zombies in this one...this just got totally cliché as its going to be your typical I do not like this cause zombies in the future...that doesn't make sense. I'm making this up as I go, do not question it. You are reading this. Not me!)

Seems like Gibson and Harrison (our gay hero) where the only ones man enough (using that loosely) to go and find out what was making the horrible dead citizens rise from their graves again (Again? You ask me as if you do not know about the great bunnimes uprising of the late 2210's causing bunnimes to gain rights as they do not sleep in graveyards, but control casinos underground for those who dare gamble...with their lives.) So this time seemed like some heads, torsos, legs, chest, and fingers where going to roll. Give Gibson a gun and he gets the syndrome know as "Trigger Happy".

After taking a long gulp from his flask of Bourbon, Whiskey, and Scotch mixture he liked to call "An Angry Irish American". He got up the gull to walk right up to the graveyard gate and yell

"Little Pig, Little Pig, Let Me In" and you heard from the foggy graveyard

"Okay! Do not be so hasty. Prick!" A green, half skull eaten bunnime limped up to the gate.

"Wow, a real bunnime! Never seen one in person." Exclaimed Harrison.

"I am not a bunnime...I suffer from Leprosy. Dick!" The leprosy bunny angry said as he jaw dropped literally to the floor.

"I did not know, well no use talking to you now. Thats what you get for calling me a dick." Harrison said as he did the Ghey Flip-Flop run through the gates.

"Eh? Harrison, your just a big fluffy bunny sometimes. Did not knowing calling your something you like in you would upset you. You'd be happy as a dick!" Gibson stated the obvious!

"Well yeah, but he was not a bunnime, he has not rights!" Harrison divulged into the conversation for only minutes as he would stumble upon a huge, glass elevator with the words written across the top of it. It huge flashing marquee letters

"We All Have Fun Down Here! You'll Have Fun Down Here Too!"

"Well Seems like we are going to have...fun?" Gibson spoke as he looked into the huge flashy 'dead' lights. "Alright...Ghey!". Harrison looked around and saw the button for the elevator. Then in a passionate feel to press it looked at Gibson as to ask for permission to press it. Gibson just nodded his head and Harrison jumped up and down doing the fast hand clappy thing he so enjoyed to do. When he ran to press the button Gibson just shook his head back and forth. Looking up he whispered

"Why did you send me the Delorian of bunnies? Why?" Then you heard a most obviously coming "Ping" as the elevator came to the surface and opened it door. It looked very inviting with its vertical two paneled walls. The bottom lined in a velvet red fabric, the top consisted of slick, shiny, silver glistening sheet metal. It made you want to run your hands down it for hours as if it was the most comfy elevator you've ever seen. Walking inside the most elegant elevator this side of your face, the came face to face with this huge panel of buttons.

"Lets see 32 buttons and they all say down." Gibson examined the huge panel with quick resilience and finally came to the theory that they where going to go down, one way or another.

"Well, looks like we are going down Harrison. How about you press the button and then if we die. In heaven I can tell your ever "not being there" god that this is your fault and that he fails at Free Will because he gave it to you." Gibson chuckled because he knew god was a lie from the get go. He was proven a lie when the Pope back in 2020 told everyone that he had come to terms with bible being his diary and that his lies had fueled many unnecessary wars, suicides, and memorials. (Yes, this Pope was extremely old. Like "Hundreds, Hundreds, and Hundreds of years ole'")

Well Harrison pressed button numbered 11.

"Hehe, both ones reminds me of penises. I know I am a walking ghey robot!" Harrison snickered as he loved to be his own puns.

"Riiight? Well then, when does this thing start." Gibson was getting impatience as they have been in there for all of five seconds and yet nothing had happened. Then you heard a nice little girls voice come on and then spoke robotically girly like

"Your all going to die down here!"

"Well how pleasant. I thought this was going to be boring." Gibson snickered. Then the robot girly thing asked

"One more thing...'Buckle Up For Safety Motherfuckers!'" In a instant you heard a mechanism click getting slower in clicks til it let loose. Sending the elevator into a free fall toward the elevator shaft floor. Then in a instant the brakes flew on and the elevator jerked to a halt. Both Gibson and Harrison pulled themselves off the floor. They both nodded at each other as to say "Yep, your still alive!". Now that we found our heroes still in one piece. The voice revisited the haul of the elevator.

"Floor One: Lingre, Motor Oil, and Petting Zoo."

"Mother of pearl. I have to sit through that 10 more times. Damn it Harrison. You fail even at button pushing. I like the fact we do not know what each floor is. Eck! Why?" Gibson said stating the obvious like he did so well, and putting down Harrison like he did so well also. Now our heroes rode that elevator all the way to floor 11. Dealing with the same antics until reaching floor 11.

"Finally, Floor 11! You are never going to press a damn button around me ever again Harrison. Do it and I will tell your mother what you have become while we are here!" Gibson snarled out. The voice came on for the 12th time and stated

"Floor 11: Sexual Toys, Hand Grenades, and Pharmacy. Have A Great Day!"

"Lets get off this thing before I feel more like I have been rode hard and put up wet to dry!" Harrison hurried off the elevator pulling Gibson with him. Gibson was dragged across the floor for merely seconds before he came to a halt followed by the gasp of joy and awe that come from Harrison's mouth. Gibson got to his feet looking toward Harrison's direction, just put his head in his hands and shook it back and forth. In huge pink letters across the display spoke

"DONGPOCALYPSE: The Cure For Any Hairy Vagina" behind the sign stood a huge V2 Rols-Royce Jet Engine powered dong, also covered in 1500 extra dong. Sure to satisfy one large 20 foot tall women or 1500 woman at once. The answer to your hairy vagina! Harrison smiled widely and said "I wanna ride that some time! Too bad our pensions do not pay us enough. Well its only 250,000 dollars. Maybe in a couple years if I save up I can own it."

"Wow, you really have no dignity or even self awareness for yourself do you?!?!" Gibson looked on in disgust then turned his head to the left, looking another display that caught his attention.

"Hand Grenades: They Taste Like Happy!"

"I want some of those in my Christmas stocking BABY! Makes me weak at my knees. Rwar!" Gibson said as though he had just gotten a chubby from an inanimate object, which we all know is a lie, that never happens! Walking towards the display to get a better look at the hand grenades. Then in a huge flash of unseen action a car flew threw another display just feet away from Gibson and Harrison.

"What the hell? Aren't we underground? When in the hell did cars start apparently appearing underground. Someone tell me how I am suppose to even deal with that when I do not have any mode of transportation. This is just fucked up..."

"Gibson, come on we have to catch them. Hurry up they are getting away."

"..How in the hell I am suppose catch them Harrison!" Looking toward Harrison; Gibson finds Harrison seated in the drivers seat of a Harley Roadster.

"...Where did you find that Harrison? This place makes no sense. I am going to give those bunnimes a piece of my damn mind when I find one." Gibson yelled as he jumped into the passenger car hooked to the Harley Roadster.

"I found it over there, with the others." Harrison said while firing the engine up and pointing over his right shoulder. Gibson just shook his head.

"Wal-Mart..." Gibson pulled out his laser rifle and sat back and mounted it to the passenger cab.

"Wal-Mart?? Whats the Gibson?" Harrison asked intuitively.

"Wal-Mart was a huge chain store where you could practically find anything and everything just by asking yourself "I wonder if Wal-Mart has this?" 10 to one they did! Also they had a huge amount of them. If they did not have it, you where lucky to find it else where. My grandmother use to tell me stories of black Friday and after the day after Christmas sales that would engulf the people of the world when it came to going to shop at Wal-mart. This must be Wal-mart hell!" Gibson answered the question. "I have them now! Now, lets 'Rock The Casbah!'" The wheels squealed up and moved the motorcycle up at lightning speed.

"Which way did they go?" Harrison asked looking around as they drove forward into the aisle that laid ahead.

"Why are you asking that in a store? This place cannot be that big...and we are underground. They are stuck on this floor! Just drive around, and listen for loud, roaring engines? Suggestion the obvious to you gets very boring. I swear!" Gibson said very snidely to Harrison.

"Okay, but I do not hear engines Gibson!" Harrison just put the petal to the floor and drove, dipping into the handle bars, getting waaaaaay into the action.

"Get ready! I am going to take a sharp turn!" Harrison warned just before drifting with the brakes applied. The motorcycle hitting a Billy Mayes cardboard cut out in the process.

"What was he selling this time?" Harrison asked

"Your Mom!" quickly responded Gibson.

"Ow! Ya got me that time." Harrison winced out. Then after a few minutes later, a small blue, flint bumpered Pinto came into view.

"Okay! I have them in my sights! Just get closer so I can take the shot, Harrison. Thats all you have to do! Now do it!" Gibson ordered.

"You could say please once in a while. I mean, your so demanding. You make it hard to work when you get me all steamy!" Harrison smiled and winked after he spoke.

"Harrison...drive...thats all I am asking you big perverted bunny!" Gibson mono-tone said against the flattering comments.

"We are close enough! Now fire the laser or you are going to miss. The aisle splits off here. You need to fire now!"

A few seconds later

"Gibson, fire the laser!" Harrison eagerly spoke

"Hold on a minute Harrison." Shyly said Gibson

"Why?" Harrison demanded an answer

"Imma Chargin' Meh Lazer!" Whispered Gibson

"What did you say Gibson? You need to fire now!" Loudly demanded Harrison

"IMMA CHARGIN' MEH LAZER!" Yelled Gibson, and in that instance the weapon fired. The Pinto was hit in the back left tire. Flipping it over and into the air it slid on its top, spinning down the aisle and then the back bumper grazed past a display of metal dildo's, making it spark and finally then exploding. Leaving the aisle a Smokey, fiery mess. The smell of burning latex floated pass Gibson and Harrison.

"Now that is what I call...burning passion." Gibson said as he used the burning Pinto which had destroy the structural integrity of the floor horribly, scattering dildo's, hand grenades and pharmaceuticals everywhere to light his Cigar and taking a long hit off of it and his flask.

"Now, with action being like sex. I need a drag off this Cigar before I do anything. Harrison, what are you doing?" In the distance you could see Harrison fumbling next to the fire, tossing something metal back and forth through the air, hand to hand. Yelling loudly

"HOT! HOT! HOT!"

"Harri...son...nevermind." Gibson just shook his head and decided that he should just shut his mouth and let the big ghey bunny have at. "Why not just pick up the one in front of me?" Whispered Gibson to himself.