III. Reaching out
III. Reaching out
As told by Kaeden
My ears flicked with anticipation as I pulled back into my driveway. We had a garage, but at the moment it wasn't useable. It was still full of boxes of our things that we hadn't yet brought in from our move a couple months ago. Perhaps I could finish that up in the next week or two.
I was a little depressed, sure. After all, today had been the last day of my job. That was one thing that hadn't changed since my rehabilitation: I still did a lot of job-hopping. But at least now I was taking on temporary jobs, and seeing them through to completion. And most importantly, I enjoyed the work I did.
I didn't really need a steady, permanent job though. Lily was an accomplished astrophysicist now, making great gains in her field even in the short time since graduating college. Still, not having a job was the pits. I felt bad that I wasn't able to contribute to our income, and she'd agreed to let me work, although I still had to wear diapers.
Well, I suppose I should explain that a bit more. That sounds sort of bad, but it isn't that way at all. Lily 'makes' me wear diapers because I want her to do it. I found that I missed the feelings of safety and comfort I had when Ashleigh was making all those big decisions for me. Being with Lily afforded me the perfect mixture: I was free to do things as an adult, but Lily still had to approve, and there were other puppy things that were out of my control.
Not to mention that wearing a diaper was rather prudent. A couple months ago, I'd managed to get to the point where I'd been mostly potty-trained - at least during the day - but after going back to daily and nightly wear, my control had slipped. Lily didn't want me to actually need diapers... but I didn't mind so much, and she didn't seem to really care that I still had an occasional accident.
I had to admit to myself that I wasn't really trying to improve anymore, happy with where I was. I didn't see the point in it - Lily made me wear diapers all the time, and hadn't even relented when I'd pressed her about getting a job, so what was the difference if I needed them or not?
As I got out of the car, I had to remind myself that it was a concession I was happy to make for her, and I suppose it was nice to have some modicum of control, since I wasn't _always_in my puppy mindset. My tail wagged back and forth as I unlocked our front door, stepping inside.
"Lily?" I called, hearing nothing at first.
That was unusual. Normally, she was at the door to greet me. Momentarily, however, I heard the recliner lower in the den, and she came around the corner. I couldn't help but get a big grin on my face as I set my lunch pail down and gave her a big hug.
"Hey Puppy," she said, scratching the back of my ears, and licking the top of my muzzle.
We shared a quick kiss before she took my paw, leading me upstairs toward my nursery. Even if I didn't need diapers, for the most part, I still had to use them, and Lily knew I'd be soaked after a long day at work without even checking.
"How was work?" she said, as we ascended the stairs.
"Kinda slow, but it was nice to see the last touches being put on."
My tail hung at the reminder that I wouldn't be going back tomorrow. My voice must have sounded a bit glum, because she stopped at the top of the stairs to give the top of my muzzle a quick lick.
"Don't worry about that, Kaeden. It's still summer, and I'm sure if you really want to work there will be something out there. Tomorrow, though, you can bring in those boxes in the garage and get them sorted away. That should keep your mind off things."
"I was actually thinking the same thing," I said, as she picked me up under the arms, setting me down on the changing table. "If I can't bring in a paycheck, at least I can help you out around the house."
Lily nodded, then helped me undress until I was wearing only my wet diaper.
"My, you really soaked this thing," she said, slipping a paw past my legband to check me.
It wasn't necessary, of course - both our sensitive canine noses could easily pick up the smell now that it wasn't contained by a couple layers of clothing, but the customary gesture still felt nice.
My plain white diaper was exchanged for one of my patterned ones, a bit thicker as well. Moments later I was cleaned up, powdered, and re-diapered. As she helped me off the changing table, and began to walk out of the room, I realized I wasn't being dressed.
"Um...L-Lily?" I said, standing there nervously in just my diaper.
"Yes?" she asked, coming back and peeking her head around the corner. "Come on, pup, let's head back down. I'll put in a movie for you."
I grumbled a bit, but followed her back out. I'm not sure what it was, but being seen in nothing but my diapers was still embarrassing, even though it was just my girlfriend seeing me. A t-shirt or a onesie would have helped... not to mention pants, although she rarely let me wear any in the house. I'm sure she knew how blushy I got about that, too.
Still, even though I felt underdressed, I once again got that warm, safe feeling that someone else was making that decision for me. It was nice, in a way. And it's not like I didn't have an out if I really objected. I trusted her not to hurt me, so I followed her downstairs to the den, where she was already putting in a children's movie for me.
It wasn't one of those things that kids love and adults hate, either. Although we did have action movies and other similar genres that puppies would definitely not be allowed to watch, and enjoyed them, my 'puppy' collection was populated by cartoon movies that had the potential to appeal to all ages. Lily tended to pick them over the exclusively puppy-level cartoons.
I curled up on the couch, grateful for a blanket to cover up. Like I said, I had a weird thing about being in the house with nothing but a diaper on. I set my thumb in my mouth, watching as the opening sequence started, the colorful images and musical number filling my senses. A couple minutes in, Lily came back and pulled my thumb out of my muzzle, replacing it with a pacifier. I grinned back at her.
"Thangoo Wiwy," I garbled behind the pacifier's bulb.
She must have got my meaning, because she smiled, and leaned down to give my nose a quick lick before going over to the den computer. About twenty minutes into the movie, Lily called over to me.
"Hey, Kaeden?"
I perked my ears and reluctantly took my eyes away from the movie. "Uh-huh?"
"So, what I mentioned this morning. About finding some others to play puppy with. Have you thought any more about it?"
I took the pacifier out of my mouth, and furrowed my brow.
"I...I still don't know about that Lily, I mean, I'm happy here with you."
"That's not an answer, pup."
I didn't say anything for awhile, before realizing she was still waiting for me to reply.
"Um...you think I should?"
Lily sighed. "Kaeden, I know you like me to make big decisions for you, but to make this work, I still need your input. I understand you're reluctant to branch out, but is it something you can imagine enjoying?"
I folded my ears back, feeling a bit ashamed of myself. I can't put_everything_ on Lily, and I guess I'm glad she called me on it.
"I... I think so. As long as you are there."
Lily nodded. "Finish your movie then, pup. I'll see what I can do about that."
I tried to avoid worrying about what she was planning, but as it turns out, I didn't have to. Once the movie was over, she had me come over to the computer and read the message she was about to send. Evidently she'd subscribed to an online forum full of people a lot like me, and was about to send a private message to another member, a 'Princess FluffyTail.' She had registered as 'MommaShep70'.
Hi! there! Thanks for reaching out to me. We actually live in Sparrowfalls, so it's a bit of a drive, but not clear across the country or anything.
I really don't have much to draw on from the caregiving perspective. While I like doing it, sometimes it can be rough to figure out what all to do! What do you two do to fill your afternoons?
Right now my boyfriend is watching one of those movies that was really big when we were actually puppies. I have to admit, despite the fact that I don't really enjoy being 'little' myself, it does have a sort of nostalgic level of enjoyment for me. He really gets into them, though.
I don't want to sound too forward or anything, but would you and your boyfriend be interested in meeting up with me and mine sometime in the future? Neither of us really have any close friends in our hometown. With my boyfriend, well, it's difficult to find people he has a lot in common with , and as for me, my career keeps me busy enough that I don't really have time to go out to social events, and still provide my boyfriend with the same level of care we both want for him. I have plenty of vacation time I can use up, though, so if meeting up is something you'd like, feel free to pick a date and I'll schedule my job around it.
"How does that sound?" she asked me.
"Um...should you really be telling someone on the internet where we live?"
"Relax, Kaeden. A lot of people live here, and more than a few are Shepherds like us. I thought part of your whole rehabilitation was learning to trust other people?"
"Yeah, I know, I know, I just...some things are hard to let go of. I'm better than I used to be."
Lily nodded. "And I'm sure Ashleigh would want you to keep working on that. I'm no different than you, in that regard. Graduation doesn't mean we're perfect, it means we're healthy enough to function as productive adults. There's always room to grow. Meeting up with others who share your interests will be good for you. Anything you'd like to add to this?" she said, gesturing to the screen.
I shook my head, gripping tightly the blanket I'd taken with me from the couch. I still couldn't help but swallow nervously as she hit 'send.'
"There! Go play with your toys while I make dinner."
I had my own train set now to play with. It wasn't exactly age-appropriate for a puppy still in diapers, given the amount of small pieces, but it was complex enough to satisfy both my little side and my adult mind. A perfect mix.
Sometime during the construction, I felt myself needing to pee, so I stopped building, focused on that feeling a moment, then let go. With my bladder emptied, I was free to comfortably finish my construction in peace. Some indeterminate time later, Lily came over, playfully tsking as she checked my diaper.
"Well, you're not wet enough to need changed, yet," she said, picking me up under the arms.
I folded my ears back, a little bit disappointed, but then again, I was going to get some good food - some sort of pasta, if my nose wasn't lying to me. I wrapped my arms around her neck, and my legs around her midsection, as she carried me over to my seat. Feeling the gentle pressure of her paws at my back, and under the seat of my diaper always made me feel so little, and so cared for. I still marveled at how powerfully little things like that could manipulate my emotional state.
Dinner went much like breakfast did, with only minimal clean-up required. Just before bed, Lily decided to take me over to the computer and check her private messages again, to see if she'd gotten a reply. Sure enough, there was one new message in her inbox.
Hiya Lily! Or should I say "mommy Lily"? ;)
I have a few years of experience in taking care of actual little ones. However, their needs are a bit different than those of our boyfriends, I suppose. Besides, there's more 'dog' to cuddle with, and there's less of a mess to clean up in general :P
I'm not really that good at being MonoChromicon's caregiver, don't get me wrong. He's a good puppy and usually on his best behavior, so it's quite different from a few of the... well, brattier kids I've taken care of.
Typically, we spend our time coloring or drawing, cuddling (both each other and our plushies, of course!), we bottle-feed each other, and we both like to watch cartoons aimed at children. Y'know, those that also have jokes in them you only get when you're a grown-up ;)
I personally like Zita a lot, but that's a show for girls, so I only watch it when I'm alone, or when my boyfriend takes care of me. We mostly play together, and in those cases, we like to watch Roundup Adventures most. If your boyfriend hasn't watched that show yet, I suggest you introduce him to it. It's great fun, and the fifth season will start at the end of Summer, so there's plenty of episodes to watch!
But I digress. Personally, I think I'd like to meet you guys, but I'll have to discuss this with my boyfriend first. He's awfully shy about this, and since his species is quite rare, he does what he can to protect his privacy, so he won't get unwanted recognition.
I'm sure he won't mind just meeting up somewhere on 'neutral grounds', so to speak. Just four grown-ups trying to find out if there's any chemistry. In case there isn't, we're all free to leave if we feel like leaving.
Besides, my boyfriend wouldn't be comfortable with showing his inner puppy to total strangers, especially if one of them is not a 'puppy' herself. Please don't get me wrong, it's not an insult, but we've both come to understand how 'outsiders' find it difficult to understand what playing puppy is about for people like me, or our boyfriends.
Anyhow, Sparrowfalls is indeed not exactly next door for us, but then again, nothing really is when you live all the way up in Northshore. Dunno if you own a car, but if you do, it's like an hour, maybe an hour and fifteen minutes to get to us from where you dogs live.
Should we meet, I think it's best to wait until the weekend at the end of the second or third week of June. MonoChromicon and I attend the University and we have to partake in a few exams before this academic year is over. After that, we'll be free to have a chat in person.
I watched as Lily wrote her reply, chewing on my lower lip. I was still unsure if I really wanted to meet other 'puppies', but evidently some part of me did - and thankfully, I managed to stop it wagging before Lily saw and could comment.
Thanks for the ideas - and that sounds great! I'll set aside some vacation time at work, and drive up there then. And no worries about any of the 'puppy' stuff - I think it would be best to meet up on neutral ground as adults as well. If we all get along and things sound fun - then we can certainly discuss doing more.
No offense taken, either! Although I have had a chance to get a unique inside look at the 'puppy' world, it's still something I'm learning about with my boyfriend. I think it would certainly be difficult for my little one to meet someone else like me, who wasn't little themselves, even if they were accepting.
"Anything else?" she asked me. I shook my head. Short, simple and to the point. She ruffled my headfur, and we both went upstairs to bed - after she changed my diaper, of course. We curled up, Lily embracing me from behind. I closed my eyes, and surprisingly, despite my apprehension over the prospect of meeting new people, I fell asleep quickly.