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Being a writer is my dream job but it has full-time hours and doesn't pay the bills. I want to keep writing these stories for everyone to enjoy and your support on Ko-Fi helps make that happen. I also appreciate non-financial support like faving, voting, and following me here or on Twitter or BlueSky. Thank you so much for your continued support! Please enjoy the episode.

And with that out of the way…

Welcome back, my lovely reader!

I hit you with some pretty heavy stuff last episode, didn’t I, my lovely? Well, you’re still here so I guess you don’t hate me too much over it, eh? Oh, you do but you want to see what’s going to happen? Yeah, that’s fair!

On the bright side, it seems things are looking up for Tracey, Leo, and Flia, yeah?! Speaking of Tracey, wow, I would not want to be James when she finds out!

Let’s jump right in!

—*—

Episode 8:

Days Go By

“You, Are still a whisper on my lips, A feeling at my fingertips, That's pulling at my skin.”

“James! You little son of a bitch! I’m breaking every fucking bone in your fucking hands! You’ll never touch a keyboard the same way again you bastard!” Tracey screamed, her blue eyes furious as Leo, Max, and even Neil tried to hold her back. “Let me go, you bastards!”

“Trace, fuck… my back can’t handle this kinda shit!” Neil hissed out as he held one of her arms.

“Tracey, baby! Calm down!” Max pleaded as he held her waist while Leo held her other arm.

“I’ll calm down when he’s fucking dead!” She snarled before deftly juking and writhing out of the holds. She lunged forward on the corgi that stood there with his fists clenched, not even running from her.

She wrenched James right off his feet, spittle hitting his face as she screamed, “Say something, you bastard!”

His teeth clenched as he snarled in her face, “I’m fucking sorry! I’m so fucking sorry, okay!?” He sobbed out, tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Hun… c’mon…” Leo gripped her arm. “Hilde wouldn’t want this either…”

“I wouldn’t fucking know! Because she’s in our bed sobbing! Crying like a girl that has had her fucking heart broken, James!” She threw the smaller dog down on his ass, clenching her fist, again and again, knuckles popping as it shook.

“I know, I’m fucking trash, I get it!” He sneered from on the ground on his backside, whipping her spit and his tears off his face. “I’m a piece of fuck and I got no excuses!”

“Much as I would like to see, Tracey rip you apart. We have a show to do tonight. So everyone back up, take a deep fucking breath, and let’s calm down,” Trixie hissed out as she stepped between Tracey and James.

Tracey twitched an eye and ear at that, snarling at the llama as Trixie just gave her a bored look. “You going to grab me up and snarl in my face too, Trace?”

She hissed and lowered her ears, pushing away from them all. “I’m going to go talk to, Hilde. Get that piece of shit show worthy or find me a new synth guy!” Tracey growled the words, the first time she’d ever made a diva-like demand of the managers this whole time.

“Gods damn it, J… gods damn it… Why didn’t you come back with me, I practically begged your stupid ass!” Neil helped the corgi up with a sigh.

“I don’t fucking know…” James sniffled and wiped his face again.

“You were fucking high, and you had a little fox pushed up puffing in your ear, that’s fucking why. What the fuck man?!” Neil sighed as he stepped back, groaning a little as he rolled his shoulder.

“James… fuck… we got history, I love you man… but even I just…” Leo clenched his fist and shook his head.

“Hilde was practically begging you and Tracey to fuck her, and would have let you, but I get fucked up and bang some bitch and everyone hates me?!” He barked out, tears flowing as he snarled.

Leo huffed up and thumped him on the head with a flicked finger. “You weren’t fucking her at the time either, asshole! As soon as she saw you she was giddy. She even told me how happy she was it was you! Why the fuck do you think I came and got you instead?”

“Hilde couldn’t help she was in heat, you sure as fuck could help how much you drank though. She even brushed off some tail of her own to come back to wait for you, even in her heat. Fuck, even I could smell it on her! She fucking came back and writhed around suffering for your ass!” Trixie scowled as she shook her head.

“She- She said it herself, we made no fucking promises!” James snarled again, tears still rolling down his cheeks.

“So you get a pass to be a heartless piece of shit?!” Trixie widened her own eyes, clenching a fist.

“That’s enough!” Leo spat out in that tone of voice he hadn’t used since Tracey got him to ease up. “I and Tracey are the stars here and we expect our show to run smoothly! James, flush your personal bullshit before you get on my stage tonight or you’re fired!” He spun on his heel and stomped off.

James hissed through his teeth and wiped his tears away again with a sniffle. Neil sighed and threw an arm around his shoulder. “C’mon J, we’ll get you sorted out…” The otter pulled the corgi along, the dog giving another hic as he nodded and walked off.

Maximilian looked at Trixie with a frown and just sighed, shaking his head. “What is it, Max?” The llama tilted her head.

“Just sad I suppose, I was… rooting for them, I guess… Rooting for James.” He clutched his own tablet and slinked off after Leo.

Trixie stood there and looked back at the corgi and otter, hissing through her teeth, “So was I…”

—*—

Tracey didn’t bother knocking on the doors of the bus, she just pushed in. Hilde was face down in the bed, her arms wrapped around Tracey’s pillow. “Hey, kid…” She called out, the other wolf flicking her tail a few times in acknowledgment but saying nothing.

She took a seat on the edge of the bed, sighing as she rested her elbows on her knees. “Doing okay?” The other wolf just shrugged and said nothing.

“Hilde… I’m sorry, kid…” She sighed and pushed a hand down to rub at her tail gently in a bid of comfort.

Hilde shook her head before slowly pulling from the pillow, sniffling as she spoke out gently, “You… didn’t hurt him, did you?”

“I hauled him up off his feet, screamed at him, wanted to break him into little pieces for you… but… no, Leo stopped me. Worse thing he’s got is a bruised ass from me dumping him on the floor.”

She shuddered and nodded. “Good… thank you… for not hurting him.”

“Hilde… you don’t have to protect him, he screwed you over hard.” Tracey moved to the other side of the bus, grabbing a few tissues before presenting them to her.

“I know… I don’t owe him shit…” Hilde sat up before blowing her nose loud and hard, hic-ing a little before wiping her wet cheeks with another tissue. “I don’t want him to like… be maimed or some shit over it either though…”

“You’re a kind girl, Hilde.” Tracey smiled and rubbed her ears gently.

Hilde set her with a hard glare and weakly shook her head. “No, I’m not, Tracey… A little part of me was happy to see the tears, to know he sobbed and regretted it… That he was feeling some of the pain I was…”

“Kid… I could write a book on relishing hate and misery… dump those thoughts now, it’ll scar your heart, you know?”

“And this kind of shit won’t?!” Hilde snarled as she looked down at the floor.

“C’mere, Hilde.” Tracey threw an arm around her, hauling her against her. The younger wolf hugged her tight, face pushing right into her chest. “Yeah… it’s painful, but you’re gonna be okay… I’m here for you, Leo, and your whole road family… you’ll shake this off…”

She just nodded and hugged her closer, Tracey stroking a hand down her head. An occasional shiver rolled down her spine but no sobs came. “He was getting his claws in pretty good, pretty fast, huh?” She whispered down into her ears, Hilde just gave a nod.

The younger wolf pulled back with a sigh. “He was… such a nice guy… before and after we fucked… just… so down to earth and chill. He treated me like an individual, not a pair of tits with a hole to fuck…” She said bitterly.

Tracey clicked her tongue, “I’m not playing devil's advocate here but…”

Hilde looked up at her with a glare. “Tracey… are you about to defend that piece of shit?”

Tracey laughed at that, “Defend him? Fuck that… he’s garbage for what he did.”

“Then what?” She snarled, still glaring.

“I dunno, Hilde… can’t someone be nice but still be a major fuck up? The gods know I’ve got a laundry list of really big fuck ups in my life.”

Hilde growled and pushed her shoulder with a glare. “You ARE defending him!”

Tracey growled back and returned the shoulder push. “You need to fucking use those ears of yours, kid! I didn’t fucking defend him, I’m saying it’s your call how much his fuck up reflects on how you look at him! He can still be a nice guy in your life that has had his sex privileges revoked, or he can be a piece of shit you forever resent!”

She nodded at the words, swallowing a little as she sighed out in a raspy voice. “Can I have something to drink?”

“Course you can, Hilde.” Tracey moved to the mini-fridge, pulling out a single serving bottle of orange juice, and taking a few sips off the top before grabbing up the small bottle of vodka. She poured a few shots in, shaking it up after putting the cap on it and tossing the screwdriver to the younger wolf.

Hilde smiled and uncapped it, taking a sip, feeling the burn from the juice as she quickly took down the whole bottle, sighing to have her thirst quenched. Tracey smiled at her and the younger wolf offered her a cheeky grin, her tail wagging.

“What’s up, kid?” She smiled back before taking a seat next to her once more on the bed.

Hilde grinned as she looked at the empty bottle in her grip. “It was like… an indirect kiss since you took a little off the top.”

Tracey frowned, feeling her heart do that little pitter-patter thing she’d been getting a lot lately. “I guess? I mean… we’ve drank after one another before, Hilde…”

“Yeah, we have… but not since I told you I’ve gotten off thinking about you.” She offered her a surprisingly challenging smile.

The older wolf huffed out, her ears perking up at that as she bit her lower lip. “That’s fair…”

“My heat is over, you said we’d talk about it…” Hilde prodded as she quirked a brow. “I’m not a kid anymore, Tracey…”

“You’re not, but… you’re reeling right now too… Validation, comfort, looking for something to patch that tear, right?”

“So what if I am? I love you, Tracey… I’ve loved you for years. Losing my virginity to that dipshit doesn’t change those feelings.”

“Yeah but…” She sighed and pushed her hand through her hair. “First off, I’ve got two partners now, and I’ve not talked to either of them about you. I mean about how you want to get closer to me.” Tracey frowned, not believing she was even having this conversation.

“Must be nice… Having two… I can’t even get one…” Hilde grumbled bitterly.

“Were you even wanting James to be your boyfriend, Hilde?” Tracey sighed.

“No… Yes… I don’t fucking know!? I wanted him to be more than… this!” She barked out, her eyes starting to look wet again.

Tracey shook her head as she whispered, “Look, kid…”

“Stop calling me a fucking kid, Tracey! I’m a fucking grown-ass wolf just like you! look at me as one! Fuck!” Hilde snarled and grabbed Tracey’s shirt, jerking her closer, tears in her eyes but this time they weren’t for James.

Tracey barked at that, blinking at those teary brown eyes, her heart pounding in her ears. “Okay okay! No more kid nickname, I get it!”

“I’m sick of indirect kisses from you, Tracey…” Hilde snarled as she slipped a hand up into the crimson side of her hair, moving it up to rub at one of her ears. Tracey blinked her eyes, the touch delicate but her thumb going right into the thin fur inside her ear that drove her crazy.

“Hilde… look, I don’t think-” Her eyes widened as the younger wolf just pushed her lips to hers to shut her up. Tracey gasped against the kiss but Hilde just took it as an incentive to push her tongue forward.

Tracey’s mind went blank as she snarled and met her tongue, returning the kiss as her fingers moved through the younger wolf’s soft white hair, both their hands now tangled in hair, rubbing ears while they embraced.

Hilde shifted into her lap, straddling her now as their tongues rolled gently together, the kiss deep. They drew it out for several heated moments before Tracey clenched Hilde’s hair and ears gently, pulling her back as the younger wolf withdrew her tongue.

“Hilde… don’t just fucking kiss me out of the blue like that…” She hissed out with a slight glare.

“I’m sorry…” She shifted in the older wolf’s lap awkwardly.

Tracey lifted her chin and settled her hands down on the bed before asking, “Why are you suddenly looking so awkward, Hilde?”

She bit her lower lip as she tugged and fingered at Tracey’s shirt she still had a grip on in a fidget. “I uh… expected it to be…”

Tracey let her trail off before she spoke, “Passionate? Full of energy? Hilde, you fucking forced a kiss on me, and I’m already apprehensive as fuck about all this, what did you expect me to do?”

“I- I don’t know! I just… it felt right? It felt like what I needed to do in order to get through to you!” She barked out with wet eyes.

“You already had gotten through to me, it’s been on my mind for a while now… But look ki- Hilde… I’m not going to sit here and play tonsil hockey with you and say it’s okay, I’m not going to be some … bandage over James!” Tracey showed her teeth as she stared hard into the younger wolf’s eyes.

Hilde sniffled and shook her head. “But… I love you, I-”

“I love you too, but do I have to love you that way just because you feel it? Leo’s fans adore him, some of them obsess over him, that’s why you have your job. Should they get a pass because they love him?” Tracey huffed out in a cool tone, showing her head was clearer now that her heat had tapered off.

“I! Y-You can’t compare me to them!” Hilde fired back, looking hurt by the words.

“Just making a point, Hilde… The kiss sucked because my concern over my relationships outweighs the butterflies you give me. You’re pretty, you’re tough, and you’re everything I’d like in a girl, or at least I think so, but then again so is Trixie, but I’d never want to hook up with her.”

“Tracey…” Hilde sniffled and just slumped into her.

The older wolf gave a little grunt and hugged her tight. “I never gave a shit about falling in love when I was your age. I was already knee-deep in my own PTSD over, Helen. I won’t sit here and lie to you, I won’t tell you I know how you fucking feel, because I don’t, Hilde… I can fucking tell you that you mean the world to me, and I don’t need to be dating you to be there for you.”

“But I want that! I want that more than anything, Tracey! I want to hold your hand, I want to call you my-” She bit off the speech as Tracey pushed fingers to her lips.

“You going to snuggle up with Leo and go on dates with him? You going to ask Flia to be your girlfriend as well, Hilde?”

“I can! And… I will, if it means I can have you!” She barked out, glaring at her with hopeful eyes.

“You’re too damn selfish, kid…” Tracey growled with folded ears.

“Don’t call me a kid!” She gave her own annoyed growl.

“You want me to stop treating you like a kid, start acting like the grown-ass wolf you claim you are. Hop off my lap, dust yourself off, and accept how I feel, how I want this to play out,” Tracey whispered the words, feeling her own heart ache as she said them, knowing how much it’d hurt her protege.

“Tracey- I…” The anger washed away, and the younger wolf shook her head. “I like it here in your lap, I like…”

“You like me, I know, and I like you, but even if something like that could happen, it’s not going to be forced into existence no matter how much you kiss me. We could rip our clothes off and fuck right now, it won’t fix the problem. And… it won’t fix how you feel about James. You’re not going to sit here and kiss me, tell me how important I am, when it’s all a rebound from getting hurt…”

“It’s not a rebound! I’ve loved you for years!” Hilde growled again, but the heat wasn’t there.

“Hilde, I was spoken for before you set the first foot down this path. Shit, you are probably one of the main reasons I’m an idol now, thrusting me out there to dance and sing that night… I owe you that, but I was already with Leo even then. Do you want Leo to be your boyfriend too over this?” Tracey sighed as she thought back to the other idols, their little group of four, was this how that sort of thing started?

“I- I don’t know… Leo is sexy, he's gorgeous and I’ve uh… well, sure I’ve uhm… done things thinking about him too, but…” The wolf looked away awkwardly with a huff.

“Y-you’ve gotten off to him as well? Geeze you’re just a little ball of sexual frustration, aren’t you, Hilde?” Tracey giggled.

“Ah… I mean…” Hilde grunted and looked away again.

“Hey, I’m not mad, but…” Tracey shook her head and shifted a paw to grip Hilde’s jaw, making her look her in the eyes. “Listen to me, and listen good.”

“O-Okay Tracey…” Hilde blinked at her while biting her lower lip.

“I’m not going to do this, not to you, and not to them. It’s not fair to you to have to juggle me with them, and likewise to them. We didn’t set any of these rules up in advance and…” Tracey trailed off, sighing as she shook her head. “You’ll have to get your head sorted, you’re in zero condition to be making these kinds of calls right now, you know?”

“Well… it sounds like you’ve already shut the door on it, Tracey…” Hilde whispered bitterly as she slowly pulled out of her lap and stood.

“Who knows what the future holds, Hilde? I’m not saying it can’t work, but where it stands now, you’ll need to do some soul-searching on how you feel about all the parties involved, you know?”

“So a packaged deal as it were?” She frowned as Tracey stood up once more.

“Something like that… I think you need to get over this current shit, ki- Hilde… I’m gonna be here, I’ll always be here. I do love you, and I’m gonna take care of you, even if it’s not in the position you wanted me to be in.”

“I- I’m sorry for being selfish, and I’m sorry for just kissing you like that, it was wrong of me…” Hilde looked away and shook her head a few times.

“Apology accepted, Hilde. I’m sorry to have such a dramatic life these days, but it’s what I have and where I am…” Tracey shrugged and then opened her arms, tilting her head. Hilde didn’t hesitate and threw herself into them once again, hugging her tight.

She just held the younger wolf, petting her hair as she whispered down into her ears, “Hey… You won’t believe it now, but it’ll be okay, I promise… One way or another, it’ll work itself out, just remember I’m always here, understand?” Hilde just sniffled and hugged her tighter as she nodded.

—*—

The show went off great with Mocha and Cream. Leo and Tracey introduced them to the whole crew like they’d done the night before to their own crew. The meet and greet lasted a few hours before both groups needed to get moving to ready for their next shows.

There were a few hours after the show to ride to the nearest travel center to clean up, then it’d be a two-day trip to the last city on the east coast before starting towards the west. It’d been about three months now.

James came plodding out of the truck stop after his shower, he was clean but he still felt like he had a layer of grime all over him. He’d managed to power through the show, but it was a struggle, most of the crew glaring daggers at him the whole time.

He made his way to the bus, not even bothering to eat anything, but there she stood, leaning against it, boot planted with a knee bent. With a resigned sigh, he moved forward as if trying to just ignore her and climb aboard.

“If I didn’t say anything, would you just really climb past and ignore me?” Hilde spoke out, not even bothering to look at him.

“Hilde… what do you want? Do you want to cuss me out, or just hit me?” James stood there, just staring at her with tired-looking eyes.

“Where’s your hat? You didn’t wear it at the show either.” Hilde kicked off the bus and turned to face him, both hands on her hips.

“It’s in my bag, didn’t feel like it…” He averted his gaze and closed his eyes. “Hilde…”

“I’m… going to go get something to eat, you wanna talk, I’ll keep a space open at the booth. That’s all.” The wolf turned and calmly walked back towards the truck stop, leaving the corgi standing there in the gravel, staring at his own boots.

A few minutes after she settled into a booth, he pushed into the restaurant. Several crew members glared at him from their tables, and he watched Trixie snarl and start to stand up as he moved toward Hilde, but Tracey grabbed her wrist and shook her head.

He sighed and slid into the seat across from her, just resting his elbows on the table. “What’s up?”

“You want anything to eat? Still owe you one.” Hilde tapped the laminated menu on the table before offering it to him.

“Uh… don’t think I’d hold anything down, honestly.” James just took the menu and put it back in the little holder with the shakers.

“Suit yourself.” Hilde sipped her water.

They sat there for a few minutes before he finally broke the silence, “Surprised you wanted to talk to me.”

“Tracey said I should. Said I should hear you out, decide if you were worth writing off or not.” Hilde clicked her tongue, her brown eyes meeting his as he quickly dropped them back to the table.

“A bit surprising she was the one to say that, given they were having to hold her back from me.”

Hilde sighed and folded her hands, fully focusing on him. “Let's cut the bullshit out and I’ll get right to it. Why?”

James sighed and looked up into her eyes. “I got nothing, Hilde. No ground to stand on. I had some drinks with the guys, and got a little loose… they recommended we hit a few bars. Figured I had time, could be back by ten. Had too much, Neil even tried to talk me into coming back with him, but by then I was already high and had a fox nipping at my ear.”

She grimaced at the story but nodded. “Alright…” She sipped her water and then cleared her throat. “What would you like to see as the outcome of this situation, James? Do you feel I’m being at all unfair? Do you feel like I’m being… selfish?”

“We didn’t agree to anything relationship-wise, but I stood you up and I hurt you. I didn’t plan to, but the guys weren’t forcing drinks down my throat either, I didn’t have a fucking gun to my head. I’ll own what I’ve done.”

“Cool, but that didn’t address any of my questions.” Hilde clicked her tongue and tilted her head, ears folding.

He clenched his teeth and growled, “I think your reactions are more than fair, Hilde. More than I deserve with you even sitting here giving me the time of day right now.”

“Alright, and what you’d like to see out of this?” She prodded further.

“Uh… don’t fucking hate me? I don’t have a right to ask for much, Hilde… but I guess… that’s all I’d hope for right now, just don’t fucking hate me, maybe still talk to me…”

“Why shouldn’t I?” She cocked a brow. “You were my first, and I’m not a romantic, but I was happy, it felt special with you, I felt… safe with you. Even in my drooling slurring heat-induced frenzy… I felt protected, loved…”

“I’m so fucking sorry, Hilde… I felt the same… you were and are so special to me… I was just stupid and-”

“Yeah, you were stupid, James, and I was stupid for opening up that much to you. It was a good time for you, but for me, I was starting to get hearts in my eyes for your tail.”

“You were not just some good time to me, Hilde!” He barked out and grabbed her hand, holding it in both of his. “I really did mean it when I said-”

“Don’t fucking touch me like I belong to you, James!” The wolf snarled and jerked out of his grip, slamming her hands to the table. She saw Tracey rise up from her own table but she gave her a small shake of her head.

The corgi flinched but pulled his hands down into his lap, looking down at the table with clenched teeth. Hilde sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. “Again, we made no promises… I didn’t say I loved you and you didn’t say you loved me. I guess the innocent little girl in me was hoping you might be a guy I could say I loved someday, a guy maybe I could call boyfriend. I guess I was hoping we would eventually be a Leo and Tracey.”

“Hilde… even now, I don’t deserve to even be spat on by you, but I deeply care for you, I felt all that you’re describing right now. I just-”

“In my sadness earlier, I kissed Tracey… I told you how I felt for her.” Her eyes met his as she growled the words out.

“Y-Yeah? How did that go?” He frowned and looked up at her.

“It was intense… in all the wrong ways… it felt forced, mechanical…” Hilde snarled and met his eyes as she hissed out, “Do you know what she fucking did? She grabbed me, pulled me away. She told me to stop. She told me, she had partners to think about, and she had rules she wasn’t fully aware of. She thought about her partners, James. She didn’t just get swept up in a moment. She showed Leo and Flia respect.”

“So… you were cool with that?” He frowned.

“What are you, stupid? Of course, I wasn’t cool with that! I wanted to tear her jeans off and shove my pussy to hers, I wanted to grind on her and cry, fuck her until I was numb!” Hilde slammed her fist to the table with a snarl, her ears perking as she glared at the corgi. “But she fucking cared enough for her fucking lovers to use her gods damned brain, like I fucking did when that hot little piece of ass at the concert wanted my tail, but I came back to YOU!”

James snarled and glared down at the table, shaking his head. “I told you, I got no excuses and I’m sorry, I’m really really sorry, Hilde! Once I realized what happened, I felt my whole world crash, I knew I’d done fucked up the best thing that’d ever happen to me!”

“Yeah! You did, James… you fucked things up real fucking good… and we both have some scars for it.”

He shuddered as he weakly whispered, “I know the answer already, but… Is there… Anything I can do? Anything at all that can even remotely start to fix this?”

She had tears in her eyes now. Even through the fury, she wanted to hug him, wanted to just let him hold her, or hang out and just listen to music, talk on the bus, or trade shy glances during shows. Hilde sighed and pushed her hands against her face, just shaking her head. “James… I don’t want to hate you, okay?”

They settled into silence as she snatched up a napkin to blow her nose, sniffling a little before whispering out, “We can’t go back, I can’t trust you that close again, not anytime soon anyway… James, I’m going to be a prickly bitch to you for a while, but if you can tolerate that, I wouldn’t mind trying to at least salvage our friendship out of this at some point.”

“I- I would like that, I just… your friendship is more than I deserve and-”

“And I’m not even promising you that, James. I’m saying I’ll try… Also… do not touch me, no hand holding, no hugs, not even a pat on the fucking shoulder. You grab my hands like you did earlier or anything else without asking me, I’ll break your fucking nose, are we clear?” The words came out furious and growled.

“Loud and clear, I’ll keep my paws to myself, babe.” He raised his hands placatingly.

Hilde slammed her fists to the table, showing her teeth, “Don’t you fucking call me that, either! You use my fucking name or nothing at all! And don’t expect me to call you fucking ‘sweetie’ either!” She barked the words loud enough for the whole diner to hear her.

His ears folded as he clenched his jaw before giving her a nod. “Understood…”

“I’m done talking to you, have a good night, James.” Hilde slid out of the booth.

“Hilde, I’m sorry… and thank you for even considering trying to still be part of my life…” He called out in a weak voice as she looked back at him over her shoulder, but said nothing as she stalked off.

Leo sighed as he watched the scene finish before looking at Maximillian and Trixie. “Hey… I have a request for both of you.”

“What’s up, boss?” Trixie tilted her head.

“Anything, Leo, baby.” Maximilian piped up.

“I want the crew to get off James’ tail about this, no glares, no snarls or bullshit like that. If Hilde is willing to give the two fucks to try to be something civil, they… we can as well. It’s no one's fucking business but theirs, so yeah… tell the crew if I see anyone harassing James, they’ll be talking to me about it.”

“Seems fair…” Trixie grumbled.

“That includes you, Trixie. I get it, I do. I wanna break his fucking jaw for what he did to Hilde… but they’re a couple of grown-ass dogs, we’ll let them sort it out.” Leo frowned as he looked at the llama directly.

Trixie gave a flick of her ear and clicked her tongue, she looked like she wanted to argue the fact but then gave a nod. “Alright, I’ll get off his tail, but I won’t be nice to him.”

“Thank you.” Leo sighed and shifted his eyes to Tracey.

“Don’t look at me, I’m the reason she even came to the table to talk, Leo. I’ll give them their space, but if he digs that knife in deeper, I want him off this fucking tour. If he hurts her more, get his ass on a plane back home or I’ll fucking leave myself. Are we clear?”

Trixie and Maximillian looked shocked at that but Leo just gave a nod. “Deal.”

—*—

Hilde said she didn’t promise anything, and as the weeks went by, it seemed very much she wasn’t interested in anything but doing her job around him. She watched him on stage but didn’t seem to focus on him anymore than she did any other member, except Tracey that is. The younger wolf watched Tracey like a hawk, like a stoic guardian ready to save her. Ironic really, given Tracey was probably the aptest member of the whole crew in self-defense.

Normality eventually started settling. Her disdainful glares softened to just neutral gazes of simply looking at him as one of the guys in the band. She spoke with him, but only in whatever capacity she would any other member, she never gave him that bright-eyed look, showed him that happy little grin that made his heart melt.

What made this all worse, was Tracey did get those looks. He watched Hilde clench her fists and saw the excitement in her tail as it wagged while she spoke with the idol. He watched her eyes shine with adoration for her, as they had always done, but it was a look he once had her give him too, but now whenever her eyes shifted to his, it was neutral, cold, and guarded.

“Great show tonight, James!” Leo slapped him on the shoulder with a wide grin, before moving on to the next performer.

“Impeccable synth as always, James.” Tracey gave him a nod. She had eyes similar to Hilde’s for him these days. They were neutral, not hateful, but he could see the cold fury she bellied for him, knowing she’d not hesitate if he ever hurt her again. He’d been told as such. The wolf told him in no uncertain terms that if he hurt her again, she’d see him fired and make sure his rep was smeared with so much shit, that he’d be lucky if a cover band gave him the time of day.

“Thanks, Tracey, just doing my job.” He nodded as he kept breaking down his kit.

Everyone met for drinks after the show at the lounge of the hotel they had stayed at the night prior. People broke off into their respective clicks as it were. Tracey, Leo, and the managers at one table, Hilde with them.

Neil was with James and that was it. Leo said he’d not tolerate any harassment, but the ram said nothing about being nice to him. Hilde was like the crew's little mascot. The peppy cheerful doggy-guard was beloved by everyone, so when he broke her heart, he earned the ire of the whole family over it. Neil was the only one who hung out with him regularly anymore, maybe because he had been there before himself.

“You okay, J?” The otter asked while sipping on his beer.

“As okay as I can be, Neil… yeah.” He took a pull of his own beer, leaning back with a sigh. He didn’t wear the cap anymore, he’d not put it on since that night. He washed it to get the stink of that fox off it, then he packed it away.

“It’s been like almost a month, man… Civility is probably better than hate, yeah?” He offered the corgi a sympathetic smile.

James sighed as he pushed his fingers through his dark hair and nodded, looking down at his half-drunk beer. “Neil… I can’t keep doing this… every day is like torture looking at her, just reminding myself how fucked up I made everything. I- I don’t think I’ll be signing on for another tour, I think I’m going to just leave the band when this gig is done.”

“C’mon man… if I called it quits every time a bitch broke my heart, I’d have been done thirty years ago!” The otter laughed and clapped his shoulder with a firm paw.

“She’s not a bitch! If anyone is a bitch, it’s me… just a little bitch that couldn’t keep it in my pants…” James hissed aloud as he pushed both hands up into his hair, shaking his head.

Neil looked over at the other table, seeing Tracey, Hilde, and even Leo noting the corgi’s obvious distress. Hilde had a deep frown on her face, her eyes looking sad, but as soon as James lifted his head, they snapped out of focus and she turned away.

The otter sighed and pushed a paw down to rub at his ears. “James…”

The corgi grunted, flicking his ears against his heavy paw before sniffling and looking up at him, tears showing. “What?”

The oldest member of the group leaned down huffing into his ears quietly. “You do the only fucking thing you got left, man…”

James snarled and shook his head before wiping his face of the tears, glaring at the otter. “Neil, what the fuck can I even do at this point? I got nothing, man.”

“You write that bitch a love song, that’s what you do!” He said with a matter-of-fact look.

“What are you, fucking stupid?!” James slammed his hands to the table, knocking his own half-drank beer over as he growled at the otter, his ears and tail fluffed up. Everyone jerked their gazes at him as Neil sighed and grabbed the beer, wiping the spill up.

“I think you’re the stupid one, James. Use that brain… We’re a music family, words don’t fucking vibe with us… look at Leo and Flia. What did he do? What did YOU tell him to do? He wrote that bitch a love song, she wrote his bastard ass a love song too, even though they were on the rocks and fucked seven ways from Sunday!”

“Hilde isn’t a musician, Neil!” He spat out.

“She’s a road bitch, just like you and me. She lives and breathes the life, James. She doesn’t have to sing or play an instrument. Everyone that rides on that bus is part of the life, man.”

The corgi drooped his ears and just snarled as he glared at the table, tears showing in his eyes again. Neil moved in and put a paw on his shoulder. “You can’t move her with words, but you can tell her how you feel with a song… let’s jam, with Leo… pour it all out man, if for no reason than to get it out of your soul. Leo had to do it, I’ve had to do it a few times, and if she feels it, she might realize-”

“I- I can’t do that to her, Neil! Write her a fucking song? What if it just makes her feel more like shit, huh?! Makes her feel fucking guilty over my bullshit, the bullshit I threw out and stomped in my fucking self!” He slammed his hands to the table again as the otter casually caught the beer bottle this time before it toppled over.

Leo sighed and stood from his own table, stomping over before grabbing another chair and sitting down. “James… what the fuck man? Are you having a moment or something?”

The corgi glared at the ram, tears showing as he growled, “Yeah I fucking am, I’ve been having a moment for a gods damned month, you gonna fire me, EB?”

The ram pursed his lips and snorted before he took a pull from his own beer he’d brought along. “You wanna talk about it?”

James wiped his eyes and then just put his hands over his face, rubbing it a few times before glaring at the ram again through cracked fingers. “Will… I- Leo… Leonard, I want to write Hilde a song…”

Leo lifted his ears at that, parting his lips to speak before taking another pull of his beer and standing up once more. James winced as the idol moved away, his brown eyes just glaring at the table as his vision blurred again.

Leo moved around to him and slapped a hand on his back as he leaned down, his other hand on Neil's shoulder. “Alright… I’ll bite… you two on my bus with me and Tracey, one hour. Bring that beat-up deck.”

“Dude! She’ll fucking kill me!” James yipped out as he jerked his gaze up to him.

“Guess you need to decide what risks you’re willing to take for Hilde, huh? No skin off my horns if you don’t show up, I’ll be on my bus either way.” Leo straightened, flipping his dyed blue tail before returning to his table.

—*—

“I’m dead… I’m so fucking dead…” James stood outside of the bus clutching his old keyboard rig.

“I’ve lived a long full life, we’ll go down together, buddy!” Neil threw an arm around his shoulder with a grin.

“Well, I’ve not! Gods what if-”

“I can smell you fuckfaces out there, just get the fuck in here already!” The wolf inside the bus barked out.

“Let’s go, J. Time to man up as they say.” Neil pushed the doors open as he trotted into the bus with the corgi in tow.

The whole floor space was cleared as it typically was for a jam session. There were already a few beers and bottles of water in a small basket to the side. Tracey and Leo were there in jeans and t-shirts, barefoot.

“Sup, boys?” Tracey growled as she padded over to the basket to grab a bottle of water, taking a few gulps of it.

“Thanks for uh…” James snapped his teeth together as the wolf glared at him.

“Let’s be clear on something James…” Tracey said as she sauntered towards him. “Neil! Go stand over there with, Leo!”

“Aye aye, Captain!” He offered a quick salute and scurried to the other side of the bus.

Tracey slammed her hand to the wall as James bit his lower lip and looked up at her as she bared her teeth in a snarl, “You hurt her, you fucking tore her heart out… that’s my fucking wolf, she was under my fucking care and still is…”

“Tracey… I’ve apologized so much, what more-”

“Do I look like I give a shit about your apologies, James? Did Hilde? I used to like you, now I tolerate you… But!” She clicked her tongue as she looked back at Leo.

She turned and smacked James in the face with her tail before stepping back a few paces. “I’ve seen the power of a song, I’ve felt things from a song, words can’t convey alone.”

“What are you saying, Tracey?” James straightened himself up as he frowned, seeing Neil and Leo weren’t going to say shit to her.

“We’ll see… You craft something for her on the same level as Glitter in my tears, and I’ll stop calling bullshit on your words, but if I feel you’re just throwing some cookie-cutter bullshit at her. You get the fuck out of this band.”

“Tracey, now hang on a sec!” Neil called out with a frown.

“No! She’s right, I- I accept your terms, Tracey… if you feel what I make for Hilde is insufficient and unworthy of her, I will be gone as soon as you have a new keyboardist!” James snarled, shoving his hand out.

Tracey grunted down at him before shoving her own hand into his grip as they gave a firm final shake on it. “I don’t bluff, James.”

“Neither do I, Tracey.” James glared up into her blue eyes as they pulled from one another’s grasp.

“Let’s do this loverboy, I’ve got a new keyboard guy to look for.” The wolf barked out as she moved back toward Leo.

James growled and stomped further into the bus, setting up his deck. “We’ll see about that!”

“Yeah, music is all about emotion, ironic I’m now in the reverse situation, helping you power through making a song for someone like you did for me, James.” Leo nodded as he stepped forward. “Alright, let's start from the ground up, this isn’t going to be a one-night thing, so we’ll get a good foundation here.”

And so the next few hours went. There was lots of cursing, snarling, and growling. Repetitive notes played, proposed lyrics, hummed tunes, and plenty of synth. There had to be plenty of that, it was his song to her, and it had to be his style, not EB or RT’s.

James realized for all her snarling, Tracey was right there, pushing him, threatening him yes, but pushing him, maybe in her own way trying to help him. He didn’t deserve another chance, and he was sure all of them believed that as well, yet here they were, trying to help their estranged brother, help him fix his own fuck ups.

They called it quits for the night, then got back to it the following day. It started to come together by the third day, but they kept refining it, kept honing the synthetic drip, and cleaning the vocals between shows.

It took over a full week of work and Leo even had the band set up a few hours early at the next show to fully practice the song. Everyone loved it, everyone felt it. This wasn’t some ramshackle half-baked bullshit scrawled together on a napkin after getting caught with your paw in the cookie jar. This was emotion, it was remorse and hope, acceptance but resistance to a future that seemed already set.

For Hilde, it was just another show. She’d hit her stride, it was normal now like it had been for Tracey. She was far from being a pro, but she did her job and she did it well. Tracey constantly praised her and it made her heart sing each time she did. Still, this was hers now and she did things her way too.

However, things felt different, but she couldn’t put her finger on it, the energy of the band, or maybe, it was the side glances from James. He was looking at her a lot more tonight while he played, looking scared, nervous, or perhaps worried. It was hard for her to keep that neutral gaze on him tonight.

“Phew… what a show! You’re doing great out there, not tired yet are you?!” Tracey barked out as she pointed to the audience, the whole building roaring with adoration to keep going, the wolf panting, sweat glistening off her cleavage and face. Hilde bit her lower lip staring at her in the lights, she was always so stunning like this. She used to love how matted James’ locks would get, sometimes he’d have to take his cap off and she loved seeing him just pouring his soul out under the hot lights.

“We have got a little surprise for all of you tonight, a world premiere song!” Leo called out as the audience screamed out in a roar as Tracey sauntered right over to James and grabbed his wrist, pulling him from his rig. The corgi didn’t look like he wanted to go, giving a bark as he was pulled along. Hilde huffed at that and her tail fluffed out, she was always told when there were special events, so she could be prepared.

Leo threw an arm around the corgi as he leaned down. “Loves… I don’t need to introduce you to James, our synth master, right? He’s been here for two albums now.”

He heard the crowd roar for him as his cheeks darkened, even hearing a few girls eagerly scream “I love you, James!” to him.

Leo huffed out, “James wrote this song, and… please bear with me loves, I’ll be taking five, need a drink of water anyway, ya know?” He sang out as the audience cheered and laughed, and then they heard the sharp little scared bark from the corgi as Leo put the mic piece right onto him.

“Come on, James, say hi to your fans, you got plenty out there!” Tracey showed him a grin as she waved a hand toward the audience.

“Uh… H-hey!” They just screamed and roared for him, the corgi hearing more ‘I love you’s’ and the like from them. Hilde pushed a hand to her mouth, just staring at the whole scene, her stomach twisting as if she already knew this had something to do with her.

“Tracey! I- I can’t do this! I’m no singer!” James barked out, his voice echoing through the concert hall as the audience cheers tapered off.

“You can do this, James! You have to do this… if you run away now, you’ll never forgive yourself, you’ll carry it with you until your last breath, and… so will she!” The idol gripped his shoulders hard, growling the words for all to hear as she stared hard into his eyes.

Neil stood up from his drum kit as he shouted out, “James, you got this man!”

His eyes shuddered as he looked to his best friend who had stood by him, then back to Tracey who gave him a nod, then they jerked to the side of the stage, seeing her standing there, her hand over her mouth. Her eyes weren’t hard, they weren’t soft either, they were open, curious, worried, and nervous as if they could go any direction at this moment but he had to choose, he had to choose how this wolf would look at him going forward.

A fan screamed out in the audience, “You can do this!” then another, and before long he had dozens, then hundreds cheering for him before the whole place was feeding off the moment and encouraging him.

Some can handle the spotlight, and some run in fear of it. Not everyone is cut out to be a frontman or idol. He was one of those dogs. He didn’t have the style or presence they had, he was happy to play his music and be on the fringe of it all. This wasn’t him, but, that night wasn’t him either, or maybe it was? It was time to put up or shut up and he knew it.

James clenched his eyes shut, feeling them burn as tears rolled down his cheeks. It didn’t matter, it never would matter unless she heard how he felt. He opened his brown eyes, staring hard at her on the side of the stage, tears on his face before he whirled around putting a hand to his earpiece as he spoke out, “Thank you… Thank you everyone for the support. I’m no idol, I just cut my synth and keep my head down...”

Tracey stepped back, letting him have his moment as her tail slowly wagged. James sighed as he wiped his face. “This…” The mic picked up the loud snarling growl from him as he clenched a fist. “This is a song for someone I hurt… I’ve never been in love, but it’s a song for someone I wanted to be in love with, but I fucked it up… Now, all there is… is this song!” He barked the words as he moved back to his deck, a silence settling on the concert hall at the origins of the song.

James opened with a heavy infusion of electronic harmony. Synthetic music blossomed in a heart-wrenching whine of strained chords before lasers shined down on his keys, illuminating them in chromatic rainbows, his vision blurry as he cut through the opening. Neil brought in his drums as the rest of the band synced up.

The beat quickly shifted to heavy thumping bass, electric guitars blending to make an amalgamation of pop, rock, and trance. This wasn’t a rock ballad, this was an electronic love song, it was like Glitter in my Tears. You didn’t drink and cry to this song, you danced with tears in your eyes.

The opening was nearly a minute and a half long, James just glaring at his keys, tears rolling down his cheeks as he just poured it out into the song. Finally Ruby broke out with her lyrics, a simple line as she just sang out almost sorrowfully, “Baby, can you see through those tears?”

“My vision blurs, but I feel your hand in mine!” James sang out, his voice not nearly on the same level, but it was melodic enough with the heavy synthetic music cutting through the song.

“Baby, can you see through those tears? Can you see me at all anymore?”

“I’ll wipe my eyes, pick myself up!”

“I’ll die for you baby, but I won’t die over you!”

“I’ll bear that for you, I’ll bear anything for you!”

“You bared my heart and where did it get me?”

“Fuck it! I’ll burn the world for you, babe!” As he snarled the lyrics he pushed a heavy wave of electronic bass out, backed up by the rest of the band, a deep heavy thrum of synth cutting repeatedly through the air as if the audience were at a rave.

“Will I ever see the light? Not without you at my side!” They sang the chorus in time together now, as if a duet blending with the heavy beat of the electronic music.

The violent thrashing beat of synth stayed heavy for several heated moments before he brought the octane down notch by notch, barely noticeable as the fans danced, but within minutes, it was a quiet strained hum of whined chords. Nothing was going now but the faint beat of electronic music and Neil’s drums, as if a fading heartbeat of the song flaring brightly before dying.

“Burn the world… Ha… I can’t even wipe your tears…” He hissed the words out in the void of silence as the final strain of synth dripped out of existence. The audience stood there introspectively, the whole thing having been a wave of pure adrenaline that crashed down upon them before washing away into a melancholic climax. After several moments, reality came back as the applause started followed by cheering.

James leaned back, pushing his hands over his face, wiping it as he shuddered, feeling like he’d just run five miles, his whole body weak and shaking from the adrenaline clearing his system. He was terrified to do it, but he glanced back to see Hilde standing there. Her lower lip was bit, tears showing, her eyes looking sorrowful from the song.

“Uh… Thank you for listening to my song… I hope it was alright!” He climbed back to the stage, his knees shaking a little as Blue strutted out clapping with the rest of the audience. He didn’t expect any cheers, it wasn’t a style of music he figured they came to hear, but their cheers and adoration felt real. He widened his eyes as he looked to the side once more, seeing Hilde also clapping her hands together, a conflicted-looking smile on her face.

James passed the earpiece back to blue as the audience cheered their approval while he moved back to his deck with a sigh. “You sounded great, love!” He called out to Tracey with a grin.

She huffed out and pushed her braid off her shoulder. “Humph… was there ever a doubt?” She grinned out towards the audience as they cheered for her. She followed up as she put her hands on her hips. “James’ music was the star of that show, not my lyrics, Blue!”

“Hell yeah it was, can I hear it one more time for our synth master?!” Blue and Ruby both parted to push their hands out toward James as the crowd erupted in cheers once more. The corgi gave an awkward grin and waved a few times before looking like he wanted to hide behind his deck.

The show wrapped up and she came to the stage while he was breaking down his rig. He swallowed hard as he just stood there before her, both of them looking at one another. His ears folded as she glanced away, both of them calling out at the same time, “Hey… uh…”

James waved a hand, “You first…”

“So… that was… I never expected you to write a song about me…” She frowned and put a hand to her chest.

“Hilde, I-”

“Hilde!” Both their ears perked as Neil stepped forward. “He wanted to write you a song from the get-go.”

“What?” The wolf frowned and tilted her head. James jerked his gaze away, his cheeks dark.

“It’s true… he talked about writing you a song after that first night for you guys, said he really did think he might have been in love…”

“Dude! Shut up!” James snarled at him as his fists clenched.

“Fuck you, J. She needs to fucking know. It’s all or nothing now! Either way, Hilde… Yeah, I’ll mind my own now, just wanted you to know.” Neil trotted off, leaving the two dogs alone once more.

“James… is that true?” She met his eyes, putting her hands before her, folding them.

“Yeah… it is…” He sighed and rubbed his own arm.

“I never wanted you to suffer or be miserable, James…”

“And I never wanted to make you cry! Make you feel like you weren’t enough!”

Hilde flinched, pushing a hand to her chest, shuddering as she felt her eyes burn. He already had tears in his own. “James… What did you hope to get out of this?”

“Just, to let you know how I felt, let you know I was sorry… let you know I… I-” He shuddered and pushed a hand to his face, clenching his teeth.

She growled and looked away. “Did you knot her?”

“No… knots are dangerous if you’re using protection.”

She sighed and lowered her ears. “So you actually had something, you went out with intent to-”

“It was hers, she was hunting, not me. I was just being drunk and stupid.”

Hilde set him with a hard glare, her teeth showing as she snarled. “This isn’t a happily-ever-after love story James… You fucking hurt me, and… a song doesn’t fix that!”

“I didn’t expect it to! But! It was the only way I could push my feelings out there, okay?! I did it so I… so WE could have closure! I didn’t want you clinging to your hate and I didn’t want me clinging to my own stupidity!”

Hilde took a deep breath and stared hard into his eyes. “What do you want, James?”

“You. I want you in my life, in whatever capacity you see fit.” He gave her a hard look, clenching his fists.

Hilde showed her teeth in a snarl, grabbing the front of his shirt, jerking him to her, barking down into his face, “You don’t deserve me after what you did to me!”

“I fucking know that, HIlde! I didn’t deserve you to begin with!” He fired back, showing his own teeth in a snarl.

She gave a ragged sigh as she stared into his eyes and cocked her head with a snarl. “If… James, I swear to the fucking gods… if you make me regret what I’m about to say…” His eyes widened, blinking several times, his vision blurring.

With a grunt, she pushed her forehead to his own, giving a tired sigh. “I… hate how much I missed you… I hated how much you still meant to me…”

“Hilde… I…” He met her eyes and snarled as he gripped her own shirt. “I’m so sorry, babe… I’ll never fucking do that kind of shit to you again…” He swallowed hard, knowing he was probably about to have a broken nose.

She growled and threw her arms around him, her fingers tangling into his dark locks. “Stupid…I’m so fucking stupid… trusting you like this… but… I’ve cried at night missing your fucking arms and how you smelled…”

He barked out a sob and pushed his fingers into her hair, pulling close to her as their foreheads pushed together. “Hilde… babe, I… hurting you was the biggest mistake of my life! I’ve cried every night over you, over hurting you!”

Hilde shuddered and shoved her mouth hard to his. The corgi widened his eyes as she kissed him again. He wrote the song to close things, at best he thought maybe they’d be able to talk or be friends again, this was not how he expected things to go, but his heart was happy to have it.

James snarled and returned the kiss, his fingertips moving up to those gorgeous ears, rubbing them gently, taking in a deep breath of her. Their tongues met and slid along one another, sharp teeth showing as they took little huffing gasps of breath as if forgetting to breathe through their noses before locking into the deep kiss once more.

They finally parted, their tongues lolled slightly a strand of their mingled saliva hanging between them. He offered her a loving smile, his eyes looking wet before he moved in and kissed along her cheek, then down her throat, huffing against her skin, trying to take in her scent. “Gods… let me just kiss you, smell you… I want to drink this moment in… lock it away.”

Hilde growled and tilted her head, rubbing his ears with a happy sigh while he kissed her throat. “James… you bastard… if you hurt me again…”

“I swear to the gods, Hilde!” He barked out and grabbed her hands, staring into her eyes, tears in them as he snarled, “The gods and on my dead mother… I’ll talk to you, I’ll find out what’s okay, what’s not. I will never ever betray your trust again!”

She clenched his hands in her own, nodding a few times, tears showing in her own eyes. “O-okay James… I’ll… give it another shot… but we’re going to sit down and talk about this, you understand? I want clear rules on what we are and are not, what’s okay… what isn’t, you know? We air it all out, then we decide if it’s what we want. Deal?”

James shuddered and nodded several times, squeezing her hands and stealing another kiss. “Yes… deal! Gods yes… Thank you, thank you… I… Hilde fuck it, fuck it! If the song didn’t say it enough, I’ll say it here as loud and clear as I can. I lo-”

She pushed her hand to his mouth and shook her head. “No, James. You hear what I have to say first… we’ll sit down and go over all this… we’re in a hotel tonight. You come to my room, but you come ready to talk, not ready for my tail.”

He swallowed hard and gave a small nod, his ears drooped but his tail wagging slightly. Hilde showed him that grin, that fucking beautiful grin he never thought he’d ever see again but in his dreams, then she leaned down and kissed his forehead. “Good dog… Now pack it in, we have to make the bus.”

---

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