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Kiss

1.

Against the rule, I'm always here for you

On each other's side, there's so much that we can do

Because no matter where, we are going there together

There's no doubt we will get there in the end

-Basia “Best Friends”

Ezaryn and Darun had slipped into a relationship so naturally that it felt like nothing much had changed, which, technically, was the case… except for the addition of those special, more intimate nights they spent together a few times a week. Even though they shared a dorm, they had had separate bedrooms, but after that wonderful afternoon at Ezaryn’s special spot in the woods, the drake had effectively moved into Darun’s bedroom completely, and while he kept all of his belongings still in his own room (the bedrooms weren’t that big) Ezaryn spent the vast majority of his time in Darun’s room when he wasn’t in class. He would always sit at the desk doing his coursework, or lying in bed holding his new boyfriend either before or after their… closer moments together.

Darun still couldn’t fully believe that this was real, this was his life and not something he had dreamed up or read in some lame story posted on those art sharing websites he liked to visit. However, as real as it felt, he would often find himself second-guessing either his feelings, or Ezaryn’s, and truth be told, something ate away at him, some dark feeling from his past that liked to rear up and bite him directly on the tip of his nose right before he fell asleep some nights, jolting him awake and making him question the things he so desperately didn’t want to question; make him doubt the feelings he so desperately didn’t want to doubt. Although, he thought sadly or perhaps bitterly, his doubts at least made it all seem… fresh, as though it was always the first time, each time Ezaryn held him and reassured him… and that was in some way comforting, at least…

Right?

Right, Darun thought.

To his credit, though, his relationship with Ezaryn had spurred Darun to make a serious effort to cut back on his alcoholism. After all, there was no need to self-medicate and cope so hard and destructively with his loneliness and negative self-image if those feelings weren’t as strong and overwhelming as they used to be, kept at bay by Ezaryn’s love. He still engaged with drinking regularly, as strong as his addiction had become, but every now and then he would wake up refreshed and rested instead of nauseous and hungover.

Ezaryn happily and very eagerly supported this new initiative of Darun’s to try and break free of his drinking. He didn’t want to command or dictate the coyote’s life, and wanted to walk with him through his struggles with addiction, instead of dragging him through them. The drake hated seeing him so drunk and emotional, feeling so powerless to stem those negative feelings that often seemed to fog the coyote’s mind, and the sheer, overwhelming feeling of utter joy and love as he woke up next to a refreshed Darun always made his heart skip a few dozen beats and his breath hitch in his chest.

The pair weren’t really public in their relationship - after all, they figured, who really cared what two fags did in their dorm room together? But they did enjoy walking together, hand in paw, to their lecture halls, departing from one another with a quick, but loving kiss. Darun would always hang back for a long time, watching Ezaryn turn and walk away, feeling an overwhelming urge to chase after him and enter back into his warm presence, but instead he always stood unmoving until the drake had disappeared from sight.

A few months had passed since they had spent their first of many nights together and bore their souls and hearts and bare bodies to one another, and finally, the last few sweltering days of summer had passed into the cooler, shorter ones of autumn. Neither minded this, as it meant their nights spent together were no longer quite as sweaty (not that either of them really minded that, deep down…) but now that those nights were much cooler, the warmth from the other’s body was more than enough to keep them sleeping happily and comfortably. Unfortunately this also meant the semester was coming to an end, and both of them would eventually depart their dorm, and from one another, for an agonizingly long winter break.

“I’ll call you every day, Darun,” Ezaryn said as they lay together one night, with the coyote snuggled into the drake’s side, head on his shoulder. “Fuck it, we could spend all day, every day on the phone for all I care…”

Darun whimpered softly and Ezaryn could feel the coyote’s arm across his chest clutching him tighter. A gentle tremble rippled through Darun’s body, and he shut his eyes tight as the thought of their inevitable separation snaked into his brain, coiling around it and squeezing the happiness outwards through his eyes, which had begun to well up and overflow.

“Hey… hey, Darun,” Ezaryn said softly, turning his head to the coyote, “Darun, look at me…”

The coyote slowly lifted his head, his orange eyes glistening with tears in the moonlight drifting through the window. He didn’t turn his head away and hide his face - he had become a little more comfortable with being vulnerable in front of Ezaryn. He looked up at the drake, his eyes glossy, ears lowered. Ezaryn gently cupped his cheek and leaned in for a tender kiss and then nuzzled against each of his cheeks to wipe away his tears.

“I’ll miss you a lot, too… But we’ll be okay, Darun…I could even come visit after the holidays. Maybe for the final week before we come back for the spring semester? That way we can see each other a week early,” Ezaryn said, his voice soft and gentle.

Darun thought of his horrible family and shut his eyes, shaking his head slowly.

“It… it’s too far,” he began, avoiding the truth, “It’ll… cost too much.”

Ezaryn shook his head, “No way! Besides, it’s not like my family will even notice I’m gone!” he chuckled and rolled his eyes, but quickly sobered up as though something painful had drifted into his mind.

The coyote clung to him a little tighter, but continued to shake his head slowly. He couldn’t expose Ezaryn to that. “I’ll… I’ll be okay without you for a few weeks, Aryn…”

The drake’s shoulders dropped a bit, but he nodded. He smiled softly and patted Darun’s cheek, leaning in and kissing him again, and then sliding his snout past the coyote’s muzzle to whisper in his ear:

“I know you will be, Darun. I love you.”

“I love you…”

2.

As the fall semester of their third year in college drew closer to its end, their load of assignments and projects had begun to build, and the two of them had less time to spend together outside of late evenings and nights holding one another in bed before falling sleep. Darun had decided to major in English Literature as nothing else seemed interesting to him, and he did really love reading and escaping away into the stories in the books he held in front of his muzzle. His free time was spent hunched over a laptop, forming theses statements and attempting to argue them, claws clacking against the keys, with a slowly emptying open bottle of bourbon sitting close by, next to the rapidly filling ashtray, on his desk.

Unlike Darun, Ezaryn had one large project due at the end of his semester. Having picked computer science as his major, he had to work with a team of his classmates to build a chat application and present it at the end of the course. So far, he and his team had a decent - albeit very early 2000s-looking - user interface working, but the server’s networking functionality was giving them trouble. For whatever reason, they were struggling to get the application to maintain the connection to their server, and that, unfortunately, meant for longer afternoons and evenings spent in the computer lab troubleshooting and trying different methods to get it to work. He found himself cursing his lack of attention during lectures on network protocols, but seeing as how the rest of his team were also struggling, perhaps it was something that was just simply beyond their skill level. Nevertheless, it had to be finished, and so those already cold evenings grew colder with continued separation.

Darun sighed and took a shot of bourbon, setting the bottle down with a loud thump. His head swam between his shoulders, his mind foggy and clouded, and he was feeling pretty good all things considered, even though beneath the buzz, there sat that eternal loneliness that - he had begun to think a few weeks ago when the end of semester assignments first drove a wedge between them - might always be there - even whilst together and especially while alone; that deep loneliness ever exacerbated by the storm that always filled his mind and heart. He had finished his essays, thankfully, and so the final couple of weeks would be nothing but waiting to hand them in and studying for his final exams. He’d had plenty of practice arguing his points in his essays by now, being technically one year behind as he had failed out his first year due to missing so many classes near the end because of his depression turning into apathy, (that had been… fun to admit to his parents) and while he hadn’t taken these specific courses, he technically had an extra two semesters under his belt that his classmates did not.

All that to say: Darun was bored now that his mind was no longer occupied by whatever the hell Woolf meant by the line drawn down the middle of Lily’s canvas. He was also very, very lonely, too, sitting by himself in his bedroom that had, until very recently, been a rare source of life and light to him when Ezaryn was there. He knew the drake was working hard, god knows he was, as he would come back to the dorm later and later each week and fall immediately into their bed after undressing. Ezaryn had never been too tired or lost in his thoughts to hold Darun, though… Not until recently, anyway, and Darun wouldn’t discover the reason why until a few days later when he, in his drunken misery, would decide to stumble out of their dorm and go looking for the one guy, the one single person on this entire planet, that he felt the most rarest of his feelings with: happiness.

And that happiness might not weather the next storm within his mind.

3.

It was Friday evening, one week before the end of the semester and exams, when Darun finally made his choice. He was lucid enough to walk mostly straight, and drunk enough to decide, fuck it. He knew Ezaryn lived at the computer lab in the science building these days, having picked cold tile and plastic chairs over a warm bed and his boyfriend, and so the coyote stumbled along under the dark, evening sky. His shaky, uneven breath fluttered in front of his muzzle as he hobbled towards the science building, under street lamps that glowed with ancient orange light, eyes clouded with sadness and loneliness and resentment.

The blinding lights overhead pierced those eyes and the incessant buzzing of the fluorescent bulbs vibrated his brain as he stepped inside the science building. Other than that droning, it was quiet here, and it was a strange one, an uneasy one; that weird, uncanny silence that one felt being in a place that was so full of life and bustling throughout the day, but was empty at night; that gross feeling of being unwanted in a place; not belonging; footpaws touching ground that, itself, seemed to refuse your presence and wanted you gone; hallways that echoed your breathing back at you a thousand fold, until it felt like the building itself was alive and you were vulnerable and exposed inside of its gaping maw; doors that felt closed to you forever, that hated your existence; corridors snaking around, so familiar during the day, but now felt like the twisting intestines of a creature leading you further and further in until you were lost eternally, digested, and ceased to exist. It was then, when he stepped inside and entered into the light, that Darun felt a feeling of true terror, it was the first time and it certainly wouldn’t be the last to come as he crept onwards, each corner so uncomfortable in its revelation of what was beyond it that he could barely force himself to breathe, let alone continue.

He heard the voices up ahead before he saw the pair, and while he couldn’t make out what was being said, he knew the chat was pleasant and jovial and all that bullshit. With one paw on the wall to steady himself, he crept forward, clumsy leg sliding past clumsier leg, his tail low and cowering. Why was he doing this? Was he really prepared to prostrate himself in front of Ezaryn and all of his classmates, their sneers and jests and jokes and insults and pity and disgust all apparent on their fuckin’ faces, eyes cast down on him like the piece of garbage he felt like, and cry and beg for the drake to come home? Was he that desperate, that lonely, that pathetic?

Yes… I am, he thought.

But that persistence vanished like a flame in a tornado the second his muzzle peeked around the corner and saw the two, there, standing in front of the door to the computer lab. Ezaryn and, Darun thought his name was Cephi, a wolf with silvery gray fur. Hanging down in a bushy mess was his auburn hair pulled into a loose ponytail, with fluffy bangs that shaded his icy green eyes. His claws were painted a dark blue, and Darun was pretty sure he could see the ends chipped away, clearly a deterrence of nervous biting that wasn’t quite working out. Darun’s own claws felt uneasy as his tendency reared up within his mind. But the biggest thing, one that made Darun feel even smaller, was how tall the wolf was, standing nearly a foot above Ezaryn.

Cephi pressed a paw onto the wall and leaned against it, smiling down at Ezaryn. Darun could see every single one of Cephi’s sharp teeth and felt them clenching around his neck, tempting his flesh beneath his fur, as if to snap close and end him right there. Darun’s paw crept up to his neck and he rubbed his fingers through his fur to comfort himself and make sure those fangs stayed far away. Those eyes, though, Darun thought, those were the real problem. Openly checking Ezaryn out, Darun hated them and that paw that had begun to rub his neck curled around it and began to squeeze and choke away his voice.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Cephi said, leaning toward Ezaryn, and his voice was just as awfully gorgeous as the rest of him, deep and rough, like a predator’s growl. Darun could feel his own slipping away forever, as if his voice did not deserve to exist on the same planet as Cephi’s.

Ezaryn, not shying away from the wolf’s closer presence, returned a smile of his own, and Darun felt his heart hitch in his throat as the drake said: “Of course! Working with you is always a pleasure.”

And then it happened.

The coyote’s legs started moving before his brain fully comprehended what he had seen, but the pair disappeared behind the corner as he turned and ran, his lucidity returning long enough to carry him away from there, away from what he had just seen; tears trailing behind him; away from his fears made manifest, his doubts crashing down against the ruins of his soul in that moment; that awful moment that… that horrible, heartbreaking moment that… right in front of Darun’s wide, horrified eyes, Cephi and Ezaryn…

Darun didn’t stop until he made it back to the safety of his dark, lonely room. He immediately slammed and locked his bedroom door and threw himself onto his bed. His face hit his pillow and out from the pit of his stomach came that cry, that scream, so utterly painful in its expulsion that he thought his very lungs were going to shred themselves and join the noise in the fabric held against his face. He shook violently, as if something fundamentally within him had just snapped, his eyes darting around against his headboard where the drake had placed his hand to steady himself during their first…

Shut up! Shut the fuck up! Darun screamed into the emptiness of his mind, so small and exposed in that blank, black space where all of the glowing eyes of his fears and terror could look on, glittering with sadistic glee.

He felt it boiling in his stomach suddenly and barely made it to his trashcan. Out it all came, splattering against the insides and oozing down the walls of the bin as he clutched his gut, claws digging into his flesh with each expulsion, ears flat against his head, tail rigid and trembling, knees buckled into one another and somehow managing his weight, even now, even after the worst thing he had ever seen happened right in front of his eyes, now overflowing into that same trashcan, his nose as well.

He wiped his mouth with a few nearby tissues and threw them hatefully into the can. The smell was awful. Smoky and sour. Bourbon and bile. After that he collapsed back onto his bed, his entire body violently shaking like he was naked, soaking wet, and in the middle of winter with the snow piling on him, threatening to bury him for eternity. That would be nice, it would be peaceful to disappear into the white abyss.

4.

The sound of footfalls and claws clicking against the tile echoing away drew Ezaryn’s attention for a second, but he turned back to face Cephi and dropped his smile. He took a step back and shook his head slowly, his hand raising up to touch his cheek where Cephi had kissed him, sharp claws scraping lightly at it as if he wanted the memory of it off his scales.

“Hey, you’re welcome and all, but… I’m taken already.”

Cephi’s shoulders dropped and his demeanor faltered for a second, but he smiled. “Damn. The good ones always are. Sorry about that.”

Ezaryn smiled softly and patted his shoulder. “It’s all right. While flattering, I can’t do that to him… He means too much to me.”

The wolf ran his fingers through his bangs to brush them away from his eyes and shrugged, letting out a soft sigh. “Yeah, I understand.”

Ezaryn shook his head. “No worries, though. I’m glad that we were able to get the problem sorted with the server. It’s a load off my mind, and I’m sure yours and everyone else’s as well. I’m sure that much stress being relieved all at once can lead to some…” He smiled uneasily, his eyes narrowing a bit and his shoulders dropping, “…mistakes happening.”

“Yeah, exactly. Thanks for being cool about it, at least,” Cephi continued as he straightened up and stuffed his paws into his pockets. “I’ll see you in lab tomorrow so we can fill the rest of the team in on what we did, ‘kay?”

The drake nodded and smiled, speaking as he began to walk away, patting Cephi on the shoulder as he went, “Sure thing! Same time, same place. Night, Cephi.”

“Night, Ezaryn.”

Ezaryn slowly shut the door to his and Darun’s dorm and leaned back against it. Even though Darun hadn’t seen what happened, he still felt guilty, as though he had done something wrong.

Did… Did I do something wrong? I didn’t ask for that, and I told him no… why do I feel so bad about it?

The drake shut his eyes and sighed, thumping his head backwards against the door. His horns knocked against it and rattled his skull. He clutched his laptop bag against his chest tightly, like it was Darun and whispered an apology. He let the laptop bag slide from his chest and hang heavily from his hands. It felt normal, that heaviness.

“…Darun? You awake?” Ezaryn asked softly against his boyfriend’s door. He rapped on it lightly with his knuckles and then tried the knob. It wouldn’t open. That was mostly normal, Darun had always locked it during the early days of their rooming together, even though lately it had barely been closed, let alone locked to him. The drake’s shoulders dropped as he turned sadly towards his own bedroom door and knew what that meant. Darun must have just done it on accident, or automatically; a habit picked up early on that, while in the process of being broken, still appeared rarely these days.

Ezaryn fell into his bed and hugged his pillow against his chest, letting out a soft, shaky sigh as that guilt crept back in from under Darun’s door and through the window; tendrils of a black fog snaking its way across his tail, around his legs and thighs; over his crotch and up under his shirt; tickling his stomach and chest; squeezing around his throat that held within it something large and terrible; it wouldn’t go down; it wouldn’t come up and out; it just stayed there; throbbing against his jaw and his heart; clattering his teeth together and pushing that thumping organ down, down, down until it fell into his stomach and began to melt.

Darun sat in his room, transfixed on the door that had just a few moments ago, hidden Ezaryn from him. He was gasping, paw clutching his chest, but the words wouldn’t come out. What would he even say? What could he even say? I saw you kissing that wolf? The coyote’s face twisted up in agony, so sudden was that thought in his mind, so unexpected that it hit him like a brick to the back of his skull, thrown by Cephi himself. The room swam in his vision, and it wasn’t the booze; he wasn’t even sure if he was still drunk or if the horribleness of what he had witnessed had sobered him up forever. He didn’t dare start drinking again, at least not for a few hours - he knew the amount of alcohol needed to make him feel better, if not forget about it completely, would not be an amount that his liver would be able to handle. He still wanted to live, so at least there was that.

Instead he fell over limply, heavily, like a sack of bricks once again thrown by Cephi, falling hard onto his side on the bed, face turned towards the door, eyes hatefully staring at the door knob. His ears were pinned flat against his head and he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to muster the strength or courage to ever raise them again. His tail curled between his legs and he felt like it would remain there forever. His heart beat slowly, like one’s final waltz, and every single one of them ached. When he finally exhaled after what felt like an eternity, such visceral upset came with it that he began to sob violently and silently into his paws. He dared not make a sound. He wouldn’t give Ezaryn the satisfaction.

But still, even through its fundamental brokenness, his heart still ached for Ezaryn, his body still yearned to be close to the drake and to hold him and kiss him. Why? Why would it do this to him? Why would it simply pile onto his misery tonight? Weren’t things bad enough?

By the time Darun had drifted off, the sun had begun to rise and drift in through his window, shattering the darkness within his room but not his heart, and finally granting him the peace he needed to shut his eyes and try to sleep. He didn’t dream, so exhausted and drained his brain had been that night, and besides: no nightmare it could ever hope to come up with would be worse than what he had witnessed… and thankfully, his brain had decided to mercifully not replay it within his slumbering mind.

When Darun next awoke, it was some time in the afternoon, and he had missed several classes, though at this point in the semester they were really free time periods where students could ask questions of their professors or simply sit in silence and do whatever as long as it didn’t disrupt the rest. Some chose to just not show up to these lectures if they still had any available absences, and instead used these periods to finish any outstanding assignments or polish off the last bits and pieces of the ones yet to turn in.

All that to say, no one - not a single person, Darun thought - had even noticed he wasn’t there.

The coyote sat up in bed and rubbed his aching and burning eyes. He stared blankly at his locked door and considered at the very least unlocking it, but as his eyes fell to his keys sitting on his desk, the thought made him sick. Instead, he lit up a smoke and cracked his window. Cold air flowed over the edge and pooled around his ankles, tickling his footpaws and slowly numbing them. He considered lying down on the floor to see if that coldness would numb his heart, too, but the thought was so ridiculous that he couldn’t help but smile at it. He could still smile at least… or maybe that was the headrush from the first cigarette of the day as it burned inside his lungs before being expelled through his nose.

He heard nothing from the common area behind his door, or from Ezaryn’s room, and was fine with that. He wasn’t even sure he could face Ezaryn right now, the drake looking down on him with disgust, surely. The cigarette quivered between his lips as he looked down at his paws, turning them over and then balling them into fists that he slammed down on his knees.

The bottle of bourbon began to quickly empty itself inside of him, and soon he was feeling pretty great once again. He stood up and stumbled out of his bedroom, then out of their dorm, and finally out of the building entirely. The sun overhead was agonizing and so he slipped his sunglasses on, stuffed his paws into his pockets, and began walking. His footpaws were leading him to a place his brain had no knowledge of, but he didn’t stop himself, his tail wildly swinging behind him with each step, limp and heavy. Soon, he was off campus and stumbling along the side of the road. If he had been just a little more sober, he would have realized he was heading in the direction of that special spot by the river. The one where he and Ezaryn-

Darun wasn’t sure when he had fallen over, face first, into the grassy curb, but he lay there for a while, rolling over onto his back and staring blankly up at the sky. His face showed nothing, eyes behind the sunglasses glossy and hollow, and his arms outstretched with fingers curling into the now dry and brittle blades of grass, sharp claws testing the hard dirt beneath. He felt itchy and uncomfortable, but he didn’t move.

When the stranger stood over him, looming above him with paws on his hips and gently lifted him as though he was nothing and set him inside his truck, Darun didn’t even flinch. Was he being kidnapped? Can you get kidnapped at 21? Or was he about to be spirited away into some underground trafficking ring? His head lay limp against the passenger window, eyes turned upwards to gaze at the clouds above, and it took a few tries for the stranger driving to finally get his attention.

“Hey, you there?” the man said for the third time.

The voice shattered his mind and clobbered his heart as he recognized it immediately. Why, out of all the fuckin’ people on the planet had it been this one? What sick, twisted game of Sims was this? Darun slowly turned his gaze towards the wolf with the silvery gray fur and auburn hair and felt such a sudden, violent urge to grab the steering wheel and yank them both into oblivion that his paws shook.

“Darun?”

“What.”

“Oh, good, I had begun to think I needed to take you to the ER!”

“Where am I?”

“You’re in my truck, I’m head-”

“Why am I in your truck?”

“…You were blacked out on the side of the road, I - I found you while on my way back from dinner.”

“Oh.”

“Oh?”

“What.”

“Nothing, just… you… okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“Right… you’re… welcome, then?”

Darun scowled and turned once more to face out the window. How dare Cephi expect gratitude, fuckin’ asshole.

“I didn’t ask for your help, Cephi.”

“Are you always this hostile to people who help you?”

“Do you always presume the people you meet need your fuckin’ help?”

“Would you rather be left lying on the side of the road, Darun?”

“I’d rather be dead on the side of the fuckin’ road, Cephi.”

“Don’t say that, dude. Whatever’s going on, it isn’t worth that.”

Darun huffed and fell silent, continuing to stare out of the passenger side window. He shut his eyes and tuned the wolf out. He wasn’t about to be lectured by the fucker his soon-to-be-ex had kissed. When they arrived back at campus, Darun hopped out the second Cephi came to a stop, regardless of where ever it had been. He flung the door open and threw himself out, then slammed it shut and began stumbling along once again. He could hear Cephi calling out behind him, but he ignored the wolf’s lies and lowered his head, refusing to let that asshole see him cry.

When he arrived back at his dorm, he entered his bedroom and toppled over onto the floor. His paw pads burned as they shot down to catch himself against the carpet and he winced as he gently rubbed them together, rolling over onto his side. He curled up and covered his head with his arm, devolving into another sobbing mess, lying in the middle of his room with nothing but the silence of the dorm to accompany and amplify his bellyaching back at him. He slipped his arm under his bed where he kept his stash and pulled out another bottle. Off the lid flew and down his throat it poured, burning him clean and warming his bones.

He sat up and reclined against the side of his bed, shutting his eyes as he downed another swig, sucking in a sharp breath through his fangs. Jim Beam, that could be his new boyfriend - he always knew how to treat Darun just right and make him feel good. He smiled at the absurdity of the notion and drank again, tilting his head back and sighing as he shut his eyes. Through his eyelids he could see the day slowly ending as sunlight left his window and sweet, deep night overtook it, shrouding him in the darkness and silence that he so desperately wanted to disappear into forever.

When he heard the teeth of Ezaryn’s keys sliding over the tumblers in the lock, he whipped his head around and tried to will his bedroom door shut, but it wouldn’t move. And soon, there the drake would be, standing in his bedroom doorway, shoulders dropping and eyes glittering with more than their usual, normal shimmer, looking down upon him with what was certainly disgust and hatred.

5.

“…Darun?” the drake began as his eyes fell onto the coyote in the back of their dorm. The laptop bag and his paper cup of coffee fell from his hands and scattered across the ground. He flew forward and fell to his knees next to Darun. “Oh my god, Darun!?” his voice was desperate and tortured. It was a good act.

The drake ran his hands over Darun’s chest and stomach, patting him, looking for any sign of an injury. The coyote lay there, staring upwards at the ceiling, his body limp but his mind racing, his heart pounding so hard he was sure it would explode.

“…Darun… please be okay…” Ezaryn pleaded, the desperation and torture crumbling into despair and horror as he drew the coyote against his chest and rocked him back and forth. “Please, say something, anything…”

The words came out of Darun’s mouth dry and unintelligible and Ezaryn held him close. He shook his head and begged Darun to speak again, but the coyote fell silent. Ezaryn shuddered violently and gently tugged at his shirt, over and over and over, trying to rock life back into Darun’s body. The coyote’s head tilted to the side and faced Ezaryn, his eyes hollow but still alive.

“…Leave me alone, Aryn. Go back to Cephi. I saw you two together. Go take him to your special fuckin’ spot and lie to him about how much you love him. We’ll both be happier, then.”

Ezaryn recoiled at those words and shook his head wildly. He clutched the front of Darun’s shirt and sobbed loudly as his words fell away to gasps and whimpers.

Darun shoved the drake away and fell over at the force he had used. His head knocked against the ground and he grunted as he forced himself back upright and wrapped his arms around himself, his tail curling around his waist partway. He shook violently as he covered his eyes with his paw and began to sob, too.

“Darun… whatever you saw was not what you think it is…” the drake began, his voice shaking between sobs, “Please, Darun… listen to me…”

The coyote scowled and turned his head away, staring out of the window where things were dark and quiet and no one was here to bother him. Ezaryn gaped at him helplessly, his breath haggard and rattling around his lungs. His tears traced down the grooves between his scales. He reached out and tugged at Darun’s shirt, hanging his head and sobbing. Soft footfalls in the room behind them announced his arrival, but neither the coyote nor the drake noticed at first. The wolf hovered behind the pair, a paw drifting up to cover his mouth. He caught a little bit of what had been said so far, and it dawned on him what had happened - that Darun had been there last night and saw it.

“Darun… it was a mistake…”

“You’re right. Believing you when you said you loved me? That I was worthy enough? That all of these thoughts were just inside my head? A mistake. Just go the fuck away and let me finish myself off, alone, like I should be, Aryn.”

Ezaryn’s eyes shot open and he gasped. He covered his mouth and shook his head, tears flinging off to the sides. “Darun… Darun, please, you don’t mean that… Please… don’t…” he paused, his breath choking him, clogging his throat and strangling his voice. When he was able to speak again, he could only sputter out, “Darun, I love you…”

“Well, I don’t fuckin’ love you anymore, Aryn. Why should I?”

Cephi began to shake and couldn’t stop himself from stepping forward, lips pulled back into a snarl, the words spilling out of his muzzle, sloppy but well meaning, at least:

“Because why would he be here cradling you in his arms and begging you if he didn’t truly love you!? Fucking look at you! Lying there in your own mess, saying those hateful things to him! The second, the fuckin’ second, he saw you, he flew to your side, didn’t he!? The very moment I called him and told him about picking you up off the side of the fuckin’ road today, he almost blew out my ear asking me a thousand questions! If you were okay, where you went, where you were, what you said, how you looked, where you were going, if you were hurt!”

Darun scoffed and rolled his eyes. Cephi snarled and stepped forward, grabbing the coyote’s muzzle and jerking his face to look at Ezaryn, claws digging into the coyote’s fur and flesh, making him wince and yelp in pain.

“Look at him, Darun!”

Ezaryn swiped at Cephi’s arm and pulled Darun’s head against his chest as he screamed, “Don’t you dare touch him!” His chest heaved, mouth hanging open, baring sharp teeth glittering in the moonlight as he protected his most prized treasure. He took a deep breath to calm himself as he continued, “…Cephi. Leave. Now.”

The wolf sighed and ran his fingers through his hair but he nodded. He realized he had overstepped when he grabbed Darun, and while he regretted his roughness, he didn’t regret that small flicker he now saw in the coyote’s eyes.

“I’ll see you in the lab, tomorrow. Later.”

And he was gone. Ezaryn turned back to Darun and looked at him, desperation in his eyes. His mouth quivered and he swallowed hard. His heart felt like it was going to bottom out and explode out of his back, shredding through his spine and scales and splaying his torment onto the walls of Darun’s bedroom. He hung his head and sobbed, his tears splattering down onto the floor between his knees.

“D-Darun… Please…”

“Aryn…”

Ezaryn jerked his head up as he felt the coyote’s paw curling around his hand, his eyes wide and glittering in the moonlight. The coyote looked at him hard, his face twisting up into absolute disgust at himself and into horror at the pain so apparent on Ezaryn’s face, that he had caused, that Darun wasn’t sure it would ever disappear.

But it did. Immediately, Ezaryn smiled and began to laugh softly. He covered his eyes with his forearm and sobbed and laughed at the same time, alternating between the two, the noises coming from him so stark in their opposition that Darun was sure the drake would split evenly down the middle, face divided into two sides of those weird drama masks he saw hanging in the theater on campus. A shaky paw drifted upwards and gently tugged at Ezaryn’s elbow, silently begging to allow the coyote to see those beautiful eyes once more. The drake drew him close and kissed him tenderly, the first time in weeks, it felt like.

Ezaryn fell over with a sigh and sat next to Darun, reclining against the bed along with him. He put his arm across the coyote’s shoulders and tucked him into his side, turning his head to nuzzle into Darun’s hair, the scent so familiar and welcome that he couldn’t stop himself from sniffing again, and then again. The coyote’s ears twitched in response, and their cuteness only made Ezaryn keep sniffing, the smile across his snout growing wider.

“Aryn… are we okay? I… I really fucked up and said some hateful things, not just to you but also to… to Cephi.”

Ezaryn shook his head and softly hushed Darun, kissing the top of his head. He rocked the coyote against him and shut his eyes, lowering his chin to rest atop Darun’s head, buried in his messy hair.

“There’s nothing that would make us not okay. These are the types of things that love endures… It doesn’t falter, and it doesn’t stop. And my love for you has only grown since that day by the river.”

The coyote’s face scrunched up, he sniffed, and then he flung himself against Ezaryns’ chest, sobbing loudly and drunkenly into his shirt. The drake held him close, stroking the back of his head and rocking him back and forth. Ezaryn smiled and began to weep softly again, shutting his eyes. Darun reached up and clutched at the collar of the drake’s shirt, tugging himself upwards to shove his maw against the drake’s into another kiss. After a few minutes, they had retired once more, after what felt like an eternity, to Darun’s bed, holding one another tightly.

6.

After asking a few people (which was itself a terrifying task), Darun had been directed to the proper place, and now there he stood, in front of the door belonging to the wolf that he had hated with his entire being just twelve hours prior. His head hung between his shoulders as he fumbled with his paws. He was shaking, his ears hidden flat in his hair, tail quivering between his legs, but he took a deep breath and knocked on Cephi’s door. Utter terror filled him in that dreadful moment of anticipation, but he knew what had to be done, even if he was terrified or embarrassed, perhaps even especially so.

The wolf appeared after a minute, clearly having just woken up, standing there in lounge pants and rubbing his eyes. His auburn hair was frazzled and it looked like he had been rubbing a balloon against his head. He blinked a few times, yawned and then looked down at the coyote. He smiled and stepped aside, letting Darun in.

“Hey, Darun,” Cephi said as he lead the coyote into the common area. He lived alone and his dorm was messy, but he kept that area at least presentable.

“H-hi…”

The wolf leaned back against the table, crossing his legs at the ankles and resting his paws flat against its surface. His tail swished back and forth slowly across it, the gentle whispering rhythm of fur brushing across wood filling the room. His eyes glittered in the dim lighting, having left the light off and relying on the sun through the windows, and matched Darun’s bright orange orbs.

The coyote took a deep breath. Early that morning, he had slipped out of bed and quickly dressed himself before leaving to head to Cephi’s dorm. It had been his idea - he hadn’t been asked or forced to do this - and even though he felt terrified and wanted nothing more than to flee and hide, he couldn’t live with himself if he didn’t say what needed to be said. The coyote stepped forward and fumbled with his paws. His gaze focused hard on the floor, his head between his shoulders.

“C-Cephi… I’m s-sorry. I’m sorry about w-what I said… I’m sorry a-about how I acted when you p-picked me up in your t-truck… I’m just - I’m sorry…”

The wolf stepped forward, his impossibly tall form looming over the coyote. His eyes glittered as he brought his paw up, nearly twice the size of one of Darun’s. The coyote flinched and expected what he deserved, hard and painful against the side of his face, but instead, warmth flowed over the top of his head, filtering down through his messy hair to his scalp and soothing his ears. Cephi petted him gently and ruffled his hair, smiling down at him.

“I’m glad you two are going to be okay… You are going to be okay, right?”

The coyote looked up at Cephi, his eyes wide but hopeful. He nodded slowly, one of his rare smiles appearing. Cephi returned one of his own, and once again ruffled his hair.

“Good. Y’all are too cute not to end up together… I’m… sorry I kissed him,” the wolf paused as he rubbed the back of his head, shutting his eyes and frizzling up his hair, “It was just so spontaneous - we had been working hard to get this stupid ass project done, and I was just so fuckin’ relieved, and… well, that’s no excuse.”

Darun shook his head, the smile still present as he responded, “No, I-I understand… he has a very kissable face…”

The wolf laughed loudly at that, and smiled as he pat Darun’s head a few times. He bent over to come to eye level with Darun and winked at him. Darun could see himself cowering in the reflection of Cephi’s green eyes, and his eyes darted down to the wolf’s maw, full of sharp teeth that he was sure were about to tear directly into him. Instead, over and past those sharp teeth flowed the words:

“You really love him, huh?”

Darun nodded eagerly, the sudden sign of life and enthusiasm from what had appeared until now to be a half-asleep or detached coyote causing Cephi to blush softly. The wolf smiled and grabbed Darun, spinning the coyote around and shifting his muzzle to whisper into Darun’s ear as he squeezed the coyote’s shoulders.

“Then what are you doing here? Go get him, Darun,” he said, and gently pushed Darun forward.

The coyote turned to look at him over his shoulder and nodded as he began running, flying out of Cephi’s dorm, the wolf’s green eyes hovering in the darkness the coyote left behind and disappearing around the corner. He ran the entire way, footpaw flying past footpaw until he had returned to the safety and sanctuary of his own little space. He panted softly as he shut the door and leaned back against it. Ahead of him, through his open bedroom door, lay Ezaryn, splayed out across the bed and snoring.

Darun stepped into his bedroom, their bedroom, and quietly undressed once more. He sat down on the edge of the bed and drew a paw upwards across Ezaryn’s chest, the pads on his fingers and palm sliding over Ezaryn’s smooth scales. He smiled softly as he saw Ezaryn stirring, and blushed as he looked up to the drake’s face to see those golden eyes staring up at him, blinking slowly as they tried to focus.

“D-Darun? What are you doing up? It’s… so early…” Ezaryn slurred and then yawned.

Darun ventured another rare smile and slowly shook his head. “Move over, you bed hog,” he said softly, and stuffed himself back into bed and against the drake, laying his head on Ezaryn’s shoulder.

Ezaryn shut his eyes and smiled as he drew Darun close to him, his head falling to the side to rest against Darun’s. He yawned again and groped around for Darun’s paw, and upon finding it, held it gently. The coyote laced his fingers into Ezaryn’s, and then let out a soft sigh as his eyelids slowly drooped, and then eventually shut, too.