Chapter 5. We All Wear Masks...Metaphorically Speaking. -Dr. Arthur Neuman

Bryan held the coffee cup in both of his paws, enjoying its spiced scent as he searched for the right words to say.

Jason was the first to speak.

“I put an end to your rumor problems I think," the wolf said," or at least slowed them down."

“How?" Bryan replied, still fidgeting with the cup in his paws.

Jason shrugged, “started telling people your last roommate made the stuff up, and that I couldn't sleep because you spent all night talking on the phone to your girlfriend."

“Huh," Bryan said," and that worked?"

Jason shrugged again," seemed to."

There was a pause as neither of them knew what to say next.

"You didn't have to do that," Bryan finally said, his ears drooping slightly. "I'm not ashamed of who I am."

Jason shifted on his bed rolling over so that he was facing Bryan.

The wolf looked tired and a bit ragged around the edges.

"Yeah, well... seemed like it would make both our lives easier. Anyways those guys were being dicks. Maybe now they'll find someone else to gossip about."

Another moment of silence passed between them, heavy with unspoken thoughts.

Bryan took a small sip of his lukewarm coffee, happy that he had it to occupy his paws.

"About this morning..." Bryan started his voice barely above a whisper.

"Look," Jason interrupted, his face taking on an uneasy appearance. "Can we just... I don't know, start over again? Pretend none of today happened?"

Bryan's nose twitched as he mulled over Jason's words, memories of the morning incident flooding back. "I don't think it works like that," the rabbit said softly. "We can't just pretend…neither of us didn't, you know..."

"I know," Jason sighed, running a paw through his headfur. "But I meant what I said earlier about wanting us to be cool. What happened this morning, it wasn't what you think… And I really don't want to spend the whole semester walking around on pins and needles."

Bryan replayed the events in his mind. Maybe he had misheard Jason this morning?

“I wasn't thinking anything," Bryan lied.

“Good." Jason huffed.

Both guys looked at each other from across the room. Bryan's ears twitched slightly. "So... what do we do?"

The two of them continued to stare back and forth between one another.

"Guess we figure it out," Jason said, sitting up on his bed. "Set some boundaries maybe. Like... knocking first. And maybe a schedule for... you know."

Bryan's pulse quickened slightly at the implication, but he nodded. "Yeah, that... that would probably help."

The rabbit paused, uncertain of what else to say. “Thanks for grabbing my coffee, by the way."

"Don't mention it," Jason replied, lying back down on his back as he readjusted his headphones.

“Yeah but," Bryan started.

"Seriously, don't. I have a reputation to maintain."

Bryan rolled his eyes but couldn't help smiling broader. Maybe they could make this work after all, the rabbit thought.

Bryan sat his coffee cup down on his desk and turned back to face Jason.

“Can I ask you a question?" Bryan asked.

Jason lazily raised his paw in the air and let it drop back down on top of his chest.

“Do you even listen to anything on those?" Bryan said as he gestured to his ears.

“Normally no. They are just for sound cancelation. They're supposed to help me sleep." Jason said.

“Supposed to?"

Jason pointed to the underside of his left headphone. “Can't find the charger."

“Oh, so that's why, you woke up when I was. Well, you know."

Jason glanced over at Bryan. “Yeah, that and this nose isn't just for show. Can't hide that smell…"

“Like your one to talk, I could smell you all day." Bryan defensively shot back.

“Yeah well, I'm a timberwolf. Comes with the package. We can't all walk around like fresh cotton and carrots."

Bryan rolled his eyes but the jabs didn't affect him as much as he thought they would. He could tell that Jason was only lightly teasing him.

There was another pause as the two looked across the room at one another.

“Alright, my turn," Jason said.

Bryan held his paw up and then let it drop back into his lap. Imitating Jason's earlier motion for, go on then.

“Why were you following me today?"

Bryan squinted his eyes," excuse me, following you?"

“Yeah," Jason flexed his paws in the air above his chest. “Everywhere I went- there you were and don't act like you didn't see me because I saw you ducking me."

“First of all," Bryan responded with an air of accusation in his voice," I was not following you. If anything you were stalking me."

Jason scoffed, “Yeah okay Bunny Boy. Then how about the hallway this morning?"

“The Ramthorn building?"

“Yeah."

“I was getting out of Chem 201. What about you?"

“Business Analytics." Jason's nose wrinkled. “Fine, what about the cafeteria?"

“There's only one cafeteria and I was there first." Bryan shot back.

“And the library? What, you work there or something? Or just magically appeared where I was trying to study." Jason replied, as he turned back onto his side towards the rabbit, both eyes now open and his headphones slipping down around his neck.

“As a matter of fact, I do!" Bryan said, also getting worked up. 'Some of us have to actually pay to go here and I'm a student worker."

“Ah ha! So you admit it." Jason said, pointing a clawed finger at the rabbit.

Bryan's eyes narrowed, “Admit what? That I have a job? Yeah."

Jason faltered his mouth moving slightly but no sounds came out. The wolf dropped his paw back down and Jason let out a huff of air as he laid back down on his side. Jason's eyes unfocused and moved slightly from side to side as he replayed his encounters with the rabbit from his memories.

Bryan waited for something else but the wind seemed to have gone out of Jason's sails.

“So you weren't stalking me in the library?" Bryan asked softly.

Jason groaned," No, I was trying to get away from you."

Bryan couldn't help but softly laugh at the wolf's admission. It was way too ironic.

Jason glared over at Bryan and that made the rabbit laugh even louder.

“I can't, ha, believe, ha, you were running from me. Ha, of all people."

Jason rolled his eyes, unable to stop a smile from spreading across his muzzle as he chuckled as well.

“Yeah well, it's been one of those days," Jason said.

“Oh Gods, it really has, hasn't it," Bryan responded as the rabbit lay down on his own bed. Both of them on their backs.

Jason nodded.

There was another lull in the conversation but this time it didn't seem as awkward and the two of them let the silence draw out for several long minutes.

"So... Accounting? Business major?" Bryan ventured cautiously. "That's a pretty tough program."

Jason lets out a soft huff. "Yeah. Not exactly what I planned on doing, but Mom," Jason said pointedly," and the councilors insisted I pick something practical."

"Your mom sounds... intense," Bryan said, the rabbit noting how Jason's tail twitched at the mention of her.

"She had to be," Jason responded as he stared up at the ceiling. "Raising two cubs on her own wasn't easy. Me and my brother..." Jason trailed off, his expression darkening slightly.

Bryan's ears perked up with interest, but he caught the tension in Jason's voice. "You guys.."

"We're not on speaking terms anymore," Jason interjected flatly, clearly indicating that particular topic was off-limits. "Mom wanted better for us than what she had. Tim had his own plans. That left me and hence," he gestured vaguely at their dorm room, "college."

"And the football scholarship?" Bryan asked, trying to steer the conversation back to safer ground.

"That was my ticket in," Jason admitted, rolling onto his back. "Not all of us can be academic superstars like you, Bunny Boy."

Bryan shook his head at the nickname, but there was no real annoyance in it anymore. "I could... help you study if you need a tutor you know. Business major isn't that different from Applied Mathematics, really."

Jason's ears perked up and when next he spoke it was with a mixture of surprise and something else the rabbit couldn't quite read. "Yeah? You'd do that?"

"Well, we are roommates," Bryan said with a small smile. "Besides, I need someone to keep the football team from using me as practice equipment."

Jason relaxed slightly on his bed. The wolf turned his head and stared back over at the rabbit.

"What about you? What made you pick this place?" Jason asked, trying to keep his tone casual despite his renewed interest.

Bryan's nose twitched as he considered his response. "Well, it was either here or community college back home. I didn't have a lot of choices and Hightail has a lot of scholarship outreach programs. My parents..." he paused, as he tugged on one of his ears, "they run a small vegetable farm. Not exactly rolling in tuition money."

"A farm bunny, huh?" Jason cringed slightly, remembering his lie to Jessica. "That's a bit cliché."

"Says the big bad wolf motif," Bryan shot back with a hint of his usual sass. "But yeah, I got an academic scholarship. Almost a full ride if I maintain my GPA and do some student worker hours."

Jason nodded, the wolf noting how Bryan seemed to perk up when he talked about academics. "And Applied Mathematics? That's like... what exactly?"

"It's..." Bryan's eyes lit up with enthusiasm, "basically using math to solve real-world problems like engineering, economics, and even some biology stuff. I'm going to use it for architecture and design all sorts of buildings. The likes of which no one has ever seen before." Bryan caught himself getting excited and ducked his head, embarrassed. "Sorry, I know it sounds nerdy."

"Nah, it's cool," Jason said, surprising even himself with how much he meant it. Both of them looked the other in the eyes. Jason hadn't realized before that Bryan's eyes were green with streaks of blue and orange. The wolf cleared his throat and looked away. "Must be nice, knowing exactly what you want to do."

Bryan shrugged, his paws fidgeting with one another. "My sister's the same way. She's still in high school but already planning her horticultural degree. Mom jokes that she got all the practical genes."

“Horto-cultural?" Jason repeated, the word sounding wrong in his muzzle.

“Oh um," Bryan replied," plant scientist."

“Ah," Jason said, feeling slightly embarrassed at his ignorance. " So, Just the two of you then?"

"Yeah. Sarah's sixteen, total overachiever," Bryan said with obvious affection. "She's the one who convinced me to apply here. Said I needed to," Bryan made air quotes, "'spread my wings and fly.'"

"Sounds like a smart kid," Jason said, thinking about his own complicated family situation.

“Yeah", Bryan sighed," I suppose."

Their conversation seemed to be dying down and Bryan was starting to feel more relaxed than he had in the last week. It felt nice to be able to talk with someone again.

“Hey, umm, Bryan," Jason said, hesitantly breaking the silence as the wolf glanced back and forth from the floor to Bryan's face.

“Hmm?"

"So, umm, what's it like?"

Bryan tilted his head, his ears perking up with curiosity. "What's what like?"

Please don't ask what I think you're asking, Bryan thought to himself, the rabbit's nose twitching nervously as he watched the wolf sprawled casually across his bed across the room.

Jason seemed almost perfectly still beside the rise and fall of his chest.

" you know, being...." Jason raised and rolled his paw in the air. " different..."

Bryan raised an eyebrow at Jason's unfinished question. He understood the wolf's implication.

The rabbit didn't speak for a long while as he considered how to best reply to this unexpectedly personal topic.

"Being gay, you mean?" Bryan asked, adjusting his glasses nervously. He looked over at Jason who merely nodded

"It's... complicated. Especially when you're a prey species." Bryan paused, watching Jason carefully. "Most pred families expect their kids to be these big tough leaders, and most prey families expect their kids to be... well, straight and settling down to make lots of baby rabbits."

Why am I even telling him all this? Bryan wondered, his ears twitching slightly.

"But sometimes you just can't help who you're attracted to," Bryan added quietly, trying not to make the conversation awkward.

"I get that, I think. Some people are born… different." Jason said.

“Yeah, exactly," Bryan replied, eagerly agreeing.

There was a lul in the conversation before Jason spoke next, his voice came out barely above a whisper.

"My brother's that way. Gay I mean. Guess that's also why I freaked out a little. It was kind of a big falling out with the family. I mean one moment he's my big brother and the next he's your way and then he's gone and..." Jason trailed off.

Bryan's ears perked up with the unexpected revelation. The rabbit was taken by surprise but he recognized the pain in Jason's voice.

"Family stuff can be complicated," Bryan said softly. "Especially for wolves. I hear pack bonds run deep. When someone leaves or gets pushed out..."

Bryan considered his next words carefully. "Is that why you reacted so strongly today? Because it, because I… reminded you of your brother?"

The analytic portion of Bryan's brain went into overdrive. That might explain the mixed signals, Bryan thought. Wolves were known for their intense family bonds and pack dynamics. A disruption in those bonds could be devastating to the entire pack structure and potentially be scarring for the entire group let alone an individual family member.

“I dunno. I don't think so. Maybe…" Jason replied but trailed off. He didn't continue his sentence, he just lay there with his eyes staring intently at the rabbit's face.

"You know," Bryan added gently, "being gay doesn't change who your brother is. Just like it doesn't change who I am. We're still the same people."

No one spoke for a while until Jason finally replied, still in a whisper. "yeah?...I guess that makes sense... kinda"

Jason rubbed his face with his paw. "But, what turned you g.. how did you know?"

Bryan let out a small, exasperated sigh, but there was no hint of amusement in his voice.

"Nothing 'turned' me gay," Bryan said as he shifted on his bed. "I just... am. Same way you're just straight. As for how I knew..."

Bryan's ears flushed slightly as he continued, "Well, while other bucks were checking out the does in high school, I was... noticing different things. Like how good the basketball team looked in their uniforms."

He paused, watching Jason's reaction carefully. "It's not something that happens overnight. You just eventually realize that what everyone else is feeling for the opposite sex, you're feeling for the same sex."

Like how I'm definitely trying to not notice how good you look right now, Bryan thought but didn't dare say aloud.

"Though I have to say, having a massive wolf asking me about my sexuality while lying in bed is not how I expected this conversation, let alone this day to go," Bryan added with a hint of his usual sarcasm, trying to lighten the mood.

Jason's ears flattened slightly as he turned to face the wall again.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to make it weird," Jason said, his tail twitching uncomfortably. "I just... I guess I never really talked about this stuff with anyone. After my brother left..."

Bryan's expression softened. He thought about reaching out and putting a paw on Jason's shoulder. Bryan wanted to comfort the wolf, but he knew better than to risk the little headway they had made so far in repairing their.. roommate-ship? Is that what this was? Bryan shook the thoughts from his mind.

"Hey, at least you're asking instead of assuming. That's more than most people do."

"Yeah, well..." Jason rubbed the back of his neck, "I was kind of an ass this morning. And maybe I've been carrying some stuff about my brother that I shouldn't have taken out on you."

Bryan nodded in understanding. "Family stuff is complicated. Trust me, when I came out to my parents..." he trailed off. "Let's just say the farm got really quiet for a while."

"But they came around?" Jason asked genuine curiosity in his voice.

"Eventually. Mom still asks if I've met any nice does every time I call home," Bryan said with a small laugh. "But they're trying. That's something, right?"

Jason's tone darkened slightly. "Yeah. Trying is something."

Jason was quiet for a moment before adding, "I haven't talked to my brother in two years."

Bryan froze, surprised, but he didn't push. Instead, he said softly, "You know, it's never too late to try."

Jason lets out a heavy sigh. "Maybe. But for now, can we just... I don't know, go to bed? All this serious talk is making my head hurt."

"Sure," Bryan said, understanding the need to get away from a sore topic. "Though fair warning - if you snore again, I'm filing for a room transfer."

“I don't snore," Jason mumbled as he let out an amused huff of air and put his headphones back on.

“Oh yes you do," Bryan said as he leaned up and turned off his bedside lamp. The room fell into a comfortable darkness as Bryan settled back into his bed.

"And Bryan?" Jason said just as Bryan closed his eyes, his voice a whisper. "I'm sorry about this morning. All of it. The yelling, the library... everything."

Bryan didn't know what to say. So with a small smile spreading across his lips, his only reply was, "Yeah, don't worry about it. "