FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Well, I remember when the lights went out

And I was tryin' to make it look like it was never in doubt

She thought that I knew, and I thought that she knew

So both of us were willing, but we didn't know what to do

(Elvis Costello)

---

Ciaran careened through the streets with reckless abandon, weaving wildly between the lanes. It was a good thing it was so late (Early? Did it even matter?), or else he'd have collided with at least a half dozen cars by that point. Not that I was in much better state. A couple of times, I caught myself nearly putting a foot through the front of a house as I passed. Oops. That wouldn't have been the most pleasant wake-up call for the sleeping occupants.

I smirked to myself as the little mink let out a wild whoop, flying over a bump in the pavement. Couldn't say as I blamed him. My body was buzzing. Being at the dance (and downing all that booze) had electrified me. I'd never felt more exhilarated, more alive.

I plopped down cross-legged on an open patch of grass as Ciaran came to a halt in a cul-de-sac, wheeling around to face me. The process of dismounting the bike proved to be a bit challenging and he nearly fell off. I giggled in amusement, propping up my chin on my hand.

"Damn, you're big," Ciaran mumbled, staring up at me.

"Just noticed that?" my brow arched as I smirked.

"Well... it's just... I dunno. You're so powerful. You could do things if you wanted. Take care of my dad," he muttered, more to himself than anything else.

I frowned, unsure whether I liked the darker turn Ciaran was taking. "Er..."

"I bet you couldn't smash that gazebo over there,"

My gaze followed Ciaran's unsteadily pointing finger. Sure enough, there was a rather dilapidated-looking gazebo a dozen feet or so away from my hip.

"I dunno..."

"Wimp,"

"Hey!"

I mean, I probably could. I was pretty strong, and that silly little wooden structure looked pretty flimsy. Guess you could expect that from the local Parks and Rec department. They weren't exactly diligent with the upkeep of their parks.

Almost without thinking, I extended my arm, my hand hovering palm-down over the hapless gazebo. I brought it down hard. Ciaran laughed aloud as the structure crumpled, snapping like matchwood. I found myself smiling a bit--another rush of exhilaration.

"Let's get out of here!" I laughed, getting to my feet.

I almost crouched down and scooped up the mink, bike and all, but the small remaining fraction of Sober Me managed to talk Drunk Me down from that. Little pat on the back there.

"Race you home!" I giggled, taking off down the street.

*****

I sat on the edge of the bed as Ciaran wandered unsteadily around the surface of the nightstand, staring about himself in bewilderment. How much had the little guy had? He was majorly out of it. Granted, I wasn't in much of a better position.

"Everything's so... big," he mumbled.

"That pretty much hits the nail on the head," I grinned.

I swung my legs up onto the bed and reclined so that my face was level with Ciaran, who had sat down on the edge of the nightstand. All of a sudden, Drunk Me got super touchy-feely.

"I really enjoy the time we've been spending together. But, you know... I think we need to talk about what we have together,"

The mink looked confused and a little bit apprehensive. "What do you mean?"

"I mean... well, are we dating?" I asked.

Ciaran gulped visibly. Not exactly the response I'd been hoping for.

"We don't have to if you don't want," I added hastily. "I really value our friendship, if that's what you want,"

Shouldn't have been surprised. I mean, who would really want to date someone who was over a dozen times bigger than him? No relationship should have a liability clause.

Ciaran finally managed to get over his silence. "That's not what I meant...,"

Then I got stupid. Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-a-alcohol, I guess.

"Ciaran?" I mumbled. "Can I... pick you up?"

The mink blinked. "Huh?" he hesitated.

I cringed inwardly. Shit. There went everything.

"Uh, sure," Ciaran nodded.

Sitting up again, I placed my slightly shaking hand palm-up on the nightstand beside Ciaran. He looked at it a moment, then clambered on, grabbing onto the tip of my thumb for support. His feet tickled the surface of my palm a bit. Ciaran sat down cross-legged in the center of my hand, resting in the groove of my palm.

Curling my fingers inward a little, I lifted him gingerly off the surface of the nightstand. I focused as best I could on being careful and gentle. The last time I'd tried to pick someone up, my poor mom (the unintended victim) had gotten motion sickness. The fact that I was more than a little unsteady at the moment only made matters that much more difficult.

I smiled warmly as I held Ciaran at face-level. I couldn't believe it. I was holding his tiny little life in the palm of my hand. He was so warm. I could feel his body on my hand. I could really feel him.

"I think I'm in love with you," Ciaran blurted suddenly.

My heart was racing a million miles an hour. I opened my mouth, but only a couple of nonsense sounds came out.

Ciaran's eyes were downcast. "I understand. I'm sorry I--"

"I want to kiss you so bad," I gasped.

Ciaran fell quiet. He shifted onto his knees, leaning toward me. "Just do it, then,"

I couldn't help but smile. Bringing the mink closer to my face, I closed my eyes. I brushed my lips gently against Ciaran. I could feel the contours of his body, smell the subtle cinnamon-y scent of his fur. Ciaran did his best to kiss me back, resting his hand against my lower lip.

It was all a bit awkward, to be perfectly honest. But it was nice. Very nice. That was an understatement. Extending the tip of my tongue a little, I caressed his body.

"I love you, Ciaran. I love you so much," I murmured. I paused a moment, staring at Ciaran. "I want you so badly,"

I found myself lying back on the bed, practically dangling Ciaran over my face. Giggling uncontrollably, I tore his shirt away with my teeth. Ciaran gasped in surprise and pleasure, groping my upper lip.

Dropping the mink onto my pillow, I fumbled with my own top. I rolled onto my stomach, trying to simultaneously unclasp the hooks that closed my silken blouse and make out with Ciaran.

"You smell like beer," Ciaran giggled, unbuckling his pants.

"You do too," I retorted.

"Well, you're a lot bigger than me. So the magnitude..."

"Touché," I rolled my eyes.

I closed my eyes in ecstasy, dragging my tongue along the mink's body. When I opened them again, Ciaran was sprawled on his stomach on my pillow, down to his boxers.

Oh, shit. Ciaran behaved like he was some sort of 9-on-the-Richter-Scale social disaster. But at no point had he informed his body to comply with his rigorous standards. His svelte figure was absolutely impeccable, with sleek fur and finely toned slim musculature.

"Gods, you're amazing," I gasped. Then I balked. "But we probably shouldn't. Don't want to do anything we'll regret,"

Even as I spoke, my hands busied themselves peeling off my jeans and tossing them aside. I just needed to take more clothes off.

Ciaran reached out to brush a hand against the tip of my nose. "Why not? I think we both want this,"

"I don't want to hurt you," I whispered. Much as I wanted it, I was scared.

"We kissed and you didn't accidentally swallow me or something, right? Tab, I _love_you,"

"But I'm... you know... gigantic. I might crush you when I, er, come," I blushed deeply, the tips of my ears turning bright red. "Besides. I haven't ever... been with a boy. Ever. I'm... self-conscious,"

You know, considering how inebriated I was at the time, Drunk Me was exerting a surprising amount of self-control. Damn. Pat on the back right there.

Ciaran blushed almost as violently as I. "You're beautiful, Tab. Take off your clothes,"

Self-control gone.

I wasn't used to Ciaran being so assertive. But being bossed around by someone a fraction my size was kinda sexy, for some reason. I found myself unwrapping the strips of cloth that composed my bra and boyshorts, grinning seductively down at Ciaran. Really needed to figure out a better underwear situation. Ciaran grinned eagerly, pulling off his own underwear. I giggled, caressing his nude body with my tongue.

Cupping the mink gently in my palm, I shifted around on the bed. I lay out fully on my back, my breathing shallow. I couldn't believe this was happening. Then again, I wasn't even sure how this was going to be happening.

"How does this even work?" I asked.

Ciaran arched a brow. "You've been a giantess for months now, and you haven't given any thought to how you'd, you know, do it?"

I shrugged. "I didn't think anyone would want to associate with me, much less sleep with me,"

"Got that wrong, didn't you?"

"I guess so,"

"Umm... Put me on your--your stomach, I guess," Ciaran mumbled. He was incredibly fidgety, shifting nervously on my hand.

"We don't have to do this," I said for probably the billionth time that evening.

"I want to. You want to. Gods. Let's not debate it any more,"

I laid Ciaran on my stomach, feeling his warmth against mine. I closed my eyes gently, sensing his every movement. He moved slowly through the dense fur of my stomach.

Part of me was absolutely petrified--what if I crushed Ciaran in the throes of my passion? Shaking my head, I refused to think about that or let it happen. I wanted this. I wanted to feel happy. Shuddering in anticipation, I bucked as he slipped into me feet-first.

My breathing grew ragged as I felt Ciaran fumbling around inside me. He made the best decision possible and grabbed onto my mound for support, drawing a small shriek from me. Cupping my breast, I arched my back, relishing Ciaran's every movement. As the sensations heightened to the bursting point, I reached over my head with my arms, gripping the headboard with my hands. A long, slow moan escaped through my lips.

I couldn't handle it anymore I reached down, caressing Ciaran with my fingertips. I guided his movements gently, closing my eyes.

Still reeling in pleasure, I took Ciaran in my hand, bearing my miniature lover to my face. I had to reciprocate, didn't I? Holding Ciaran up to my lips, I extended my tongue, dragging it along his body, slowly at first, but with ever-increasing intensity. Ciaran let out a little squeak as I began to focus on his waist region. He braced his hands against my upper lip, struggling against my assaults. Feeling devious, I gripped him a bit more firmly, not letting him escape. It only took him a couple minutes to come. Boys are so easy.

Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I strode towards the cabinet on the other side of the room. Still making out furiously with Ciaran, I reached up and pulled out my vat of Nutella with my free hand.

Dipping a startled Ciaran up to the midriff in the chocolaty, hazelnutty deliciousness, I licked it all off him.

"What's going on?" Ciaran gasped as I went in for seconds.

"A girl gets hungry after sex," I commented through a mouthful of chocolate-coated Ciaran. "I'm just glad I have a guy who can double as a dipping stick,"

"Glad I could be of service," the mink snorted as he found himself dragged through the Nutella once again. "Nutella. Sexy,"

"Sex?"

I couldn't get back to the bed fast enough.

*****

Afterwards, Tabitha lay sprawled on the bed, breathing deeply. Draped across her breast, I lay buried in her warm cream fur. I ran my hand absentmindedly through her dense fur, drawing an appreciative rumble from the giantess.

It was all so overwhelming. I'd been around Tabitha a lot the past weeks. But I hadn't ever thought I'd be on her, and I certainly hadn't thought I'd ever be in_her. It had all been so intense--the scent of her arousal, the sensations of her fur, the force of her contractions. The ferretess' orgasm was a godsdamn hurricane, and that was _before her fingers had rescued me. And her tongue. Holy mother of fuck.

To be perfectly honest, I was stunned it had turned out so well. I was playing it totally by ear. They hadn't ever taught us much about actually having sex to begin with back in sex ed classes, much less sex with a girl who could probably swallow you whole if she really wanted to. Fortunately, she seemed to have been satisfied by all of my random fumbling and flailing, and her reciprocal fumbling had been pretty damn enjoyable, too.

Shifting slightly, I drew my legs up to my chest. Tabitha's hand cupped gently over me, rubbing me gently on the back with a fingertip.

"Does this mean we're officially dating?" I murmured.

My entire body shook as Tabitha laughed. "I'd guess so. Gimme another kiss, boyfriend,"

Grumbling theatrically, I began my lazy way up towards the ferretess' face, dragging my way through the jungle of her fur. Her fingertips hurried me onward as she giggled.

"Try not to make it seem like such a chore," she teased.

"Hey, I hope you appreciate how much I do for you. Most boys don't have a girlfriend whose body is a fucking landscape," I snarked good-naturedly.

"I'd prefer 'wonderland' to 'landscape', thank you very much," Tabitha snorted.

"Well, I figured you'd eat me if I used shitty song lyrics to describe you," I replied, stroking her collarbone.

The giantess' final prod sent me toppling against her waiting lips, which attacked me voraciously. I cried out in pleasure, though I have to say there might have been a bit of fear in there too.

"Careful!" I cautioned. "You're so strong!"

We got back to making out, but an insistent murmur at the back of my mind kept me from fully enjoying myself. I'd had a lot of fun, and I really did love Tabitha. But why did she have to be so big? It was dangerous, what I was doing.

Oh, shut up, I chided myself, stroking Tabitha's upper lip. Just go with it.

My heart skipped a beat as Tabitha's mouth suddenly opened widely and she let out a jaw-cracking yawn. I fell down against her neck as beer=laden breath washed over me.

"Someone's sleepy," I commented, following up my statement with an involuntary yawn.

"Let's call it a night, okay, little guy?" Tabitha smiled, allowing me to clamber to a more comfortable portion of her body. The gentle rise and fall of the ferretess' chest lulled me off to a peaceful sleep.

*****

The next morning, Ciaran was sitting on the edge of my pillow. I grinned as I turned over to face him, giving him a good-morning peck on the... well, body. I'm not exactly one for finesse.

"Fuck, you're hot," Ciaran murmured, brushing his hand against the tip of my nose. "Just in case I haven't emphasized that enough yet,"

Blushing violently, I laughed softly. "Let's not do anything today. No schedule, no worries, no clothes," I replied. "Let's just be you and me. Together. All day,"

I rolled out of bed--or, rather, I tried to. As soon as my feet hit the ground, a powerful wave of nausea sent me toppling back onto the bed. Ciaran squeaked loudly in surprise, barely getting out of the way in time.

"Oop! Steady goes it, not so much, I guess," I said. Why'd I have so much to drink last night?

"You nearly squished me!" Ciaran squawked.

"Sorry, Ciaran. I owe you one," I breathed.

"I want you to kiss me again, then," he replied petulantly.

Who was I to deny that?

My second attempt at a cross-room journey was much more successful, if a bit wobbly. I made a stop at the sink, sticking my head under the stream of water and drinking deeply from the water. Switching the faucet off, I wandered unevenly towards the cupboard.

"Choco Puffs?" I asked, pulling out the huge burlap sack of cereal and a bowl as I looked over my shoulder towards the bed.

Ciaran nodded his agreement, and I poured a little extra into my hand for him. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, I set the mink on my leg and offered him the cereal.

"I hope you don't mind it dry," I said. I kinda hated cereal. I couldn't afford to have milk with it, and now it basically had the consistency of couscous. So tiny. Besides, I was a bit too queasy to try eating anything much.

I glanced down at the mink on my thigh, who was eating out of my hand. Infuriatingly, he appeared to be nowhere near as hung-over as I was feeling at the moment.

"Want anything more?" I asked.

"Well, you..."

The cereal bowl clattered to the floor and I was clutching Ciaran to my face, kissing him passionately. There was always time for round two. Well, three, technically. For those keeping score at home. Fucking creepers.

A knock at the door startled me out of my ecstasy. Blind panic gripping me, I plucked my new boyfriend off my stomach and swiftly hid him under my pillow, apologizing fervently under my breath. Pulling on my pajamas, I groaned loudly, letting the knocker know I'd heard.

*****

Tabitha's hand withdrew, leaving me alone in a warm, soft, dark cave of sorts between her pillow and the surface of the bed. It was spacious enough; all I could do was sit tight and hope she didn't mash herself against the pillow or something like that. Being crushed to death was not on my agenda for the day.

Leaning against the headboard with my legs hugged to my chest and tail curled around my feet, I tried to listen in on what was happening in the rest of the room. No dice. Aside from some muffled phrases and Tabitha's louder rumblings, it all just sounded like a convention of trombone-parents from one of those Charlie Brown Bear holiday specials.

With nothing else to do, I tried to sort through the whirlwind of activity that had comprised the previous evening in a slightly more conscious and much more sober light. It had all been so fun, so invigorating. Tabitha had been a really good friend, and now I had so much more with her. We'd shared things that I'd never shared with anybody else before, and it really meant something. It had been so long since I'd just been happy like that. The drinking hadn't been too bad, either.

Hold the phone. Our night of fun had been tainted, and tainted mostly by me. Why the fuck had I encouraged her to smash that gazebo? I'd been all systems go with all of that alcohol coursing through me, and it just seemed like something fun to do. But that was no excuse to be stupid and irresponsible and destructive.

I'd nearly gotten myself killed, too! Tabitha had put me in her mouth and I hadn't said a thing--what if she'd accidentally bitten me in half? And the stupid had just gone on from there. I'd spent the night sleeping on her godsdamn boob, for fuck's sake. What would have happened if she'd rolled over in her sleep? The ferretess was so interesting and fun and sexy, but I couldn't be so complacent. She was over a dozen times my size; it wasn't some sort of game.

*****

Just as I finished dressing and slumped on the bed, the small door at the base of my own opened and my father walked in, followed by a rather attractive red fox dressed in a dark suit. I really hoped they couldn't smell all the sex that had been going on. Or see how fucking hung-over I was, for that matter. Awkward.

"Tab, This is Mr. Smith, and he's here to talk with you," Dad said. He turned to the fox on his way out. "If you need anything, just let me know,"

Mr. Smith? Who the fuck was that? I leaned down over the edge of the bed, staring hazily at the little fox. He looked up at me for a moment before stiffening oddly.

"What?" I asked, arching an eyebrow. "Never seen a 90-foot ferretess?"

"Quite the contrary. You're downright short compared to what I usually deal with. I was just anticipating you reaching down and grabbing me up like some sort of ragdoll," the fox replied a bit snappily.

My brow arched further. "Don't you think that would be a bit rude? I mean, I could if you want," I dropped my arm over the side of the bed, my hand landing a few feet away from the fox. "But there's a ladder up to the nightstand over there. That's what people usually use,"

The fox relaxed visibly, smiling a bit. "Let me tell you, that is a sentence I don't hear often. Thank the gods. You could teach a lesson or two to the folks I, er... work with,"

"What do you even want?" I asked as the fox made his way up the ladder.

All of the implication and attitude was making my head spin. Or was that the hangover? I summoned up the energy to prop my cheek up on my hand to look blearily at the nightstand, getting a better look at my guest. The fox had a slim frame and sharp facial features. Deep green eyes peered intently at me from under a mop of silvery-white hair.

"Hey, you're kinda cute," I giggled.

"Come back when you're a boy and about six years older, and then we might chat," he replied flatly.

"I'll get working on it,"

"Almost forgot to introduce myself! Now I'm the rude one. I'm Roger Smith with MACRO," the fox said, standing on the surface of the nightstand.

Wait, was he implying that I had ever been the rude one in this situation? What was going on? Who _was_this Roger character?

"MACRO? Is that some sort of tax firm or something?" I snorted.

"Government agency, actually," Roger clarified, adjusting his tie knot. "I don't know how up with current events or whatever you are, but we have a bit of a deal with folks such as yourself back in Saaduuts. I'm a field agent, something of a specialist in those sorts of relations,"

"I'm big," I shrugged. "What's there to be a specialist about?"

Seeing this silly little serious fox pacing back and forth so earnestly on my nightstand made me snort in derision. I mean, he was barely as tall as my alarm clock, for fuck's sake. Had I forgotten to put him back with the rest of my action figures?

"Could you... stop moving so much?" I rubbed my eyes. He was making me dizzy again.

The fox scowled, but stopped, sitting down on the edge of the nightstand, legs dangling over the side.

"Well, you see, you're something of an enigma," Roger fixed me with his piercing emerald gaze. "How long have you been that large? A few months, right?"

I shrugged again.

"Exactly. See, back in the Saad', we get giants. Which is weird. But we only get 'em for about a day at a time, tops. Then they shrink back down to normal. That clearly isn't the case here," he gestured at me.

I shrugged slightly. "Yeah, you're telling me. Look. Are you here to fix me or what?"

The fox looked downcast. "I wish I was. I really do. But no. We have no idea how to do that sort of thing. Believe me. It's the subject of intense research, but we have nothing right now,"

I rolled so I was facing away from Roger, expelling my breath forcefully as I stared at the ceiling. "Well, that's just fucking great. More useless bullshit,"

"Trust me. We want to help you, and we're doing everything we can. In fact, one of the researchers working on it is sort of like you. Every time she gets too pissed or... you know, gets intimate with her boyfriend, she suddenly shoots up to ten stories tall for the span of a few hours. All tied to emotions, far as we can tell. Ferretess, too, now that I think about it. What is it with you guys?" Roger asked as I turned back to face him.

"Well, at least she can be the same size as everyone else most of the time. I met an amazing guy who I love so much. But I can't be with him in the same way as everyone else. I want to be normal. I want things to be normal for Ciaran," I glanced toward the pillow. "You can come out now. Roger won't say anything to my dad," I shot the fox a look as I finished.

"Where the fuck are my clothes?" came Ciaran's muffled reply.

The tips of my ears turned pink and Roger rolled his eyes at me. I fumbled with the sheets, but couldn't find anything. I apologetically shoved a bit of tissue under the pillow with which Ciaran could improvise. Several moments later, a sullen mink slunk out from under the pillow, draped in a makeshift toga-type thing. I noticed Roger smirk slightly and shot him a dirty look.

"What are you doing here, then? Just come to crush my hopes?" I sighed.

"Well, I need a blood sample for research to try and help you. Oh. And I'm mostly here about your... activities last night,"

Ciaran and I quickly turned every possible shade of red in unison. Roger covered his face in exasperation.

"Not those activities. Gods. MACRO isn't some sort of Prudery Board. I meant what went on beforehand. The property damage and public inebriation," he added, noticing my blank stare.

I shrugged slightly. "I was having fun. You gonna slap me on the wrist or something?"

The fox looked irritably up at me. He really had quite the repertoire of those snippy expressions.

"You don't get it, do you?" he snapped. "You could have_killed_ someone. And you nearly did several times,"

"But I didn't, did I? All fine," all this sternness was making my headache worse.

"You can't be so careless. You're a godsdamn giantess. You can't just 'oops' your way through life. It sucks, but that's how it goes,"

I sat up stiffly, arms folded across my chest and tapping my toe. My demeanor towards the little twerp was quickly becoming quite chilly. Not taking the hint, he continued to pontificate.

"Someday, if you aren't careful, someone you care about is going to be hurt by you. Or worse,"

"Look, if you're just here to lecture me, I get plenty enough of that from my dad. Sorry you wasted a trip all the way out here,"

"I'm not going to be pushed out by a teenage _girl. _You need to take this more seriously. This isn't all some godsdamn joke," Roger snapped.

"If you can't find the door, I'm about to 'pick you up like a ragdoll' and 'push you out' myself. See how you like that,"

"Tab," Ciaran interjected, patting my shoulder. "Just agree to be more careful. He has a point,"

"What do you mean?" I narrowed my eyes, craning my neck to look at the mink, perched on my shoulder like some sort of godsdamn Jiminy Cricket.

"Well... you're great. You know I love you. But you're... really big. You're a lot stronger than you think you are. And sometimes, when you get pissed, it's kind of... scary," Ciaran finished, barely audible.

It surprised me how much the words stung. I pursed my lips, but nodded tersely at Roger. "Okay. Sure, fine, whatever. Door's over there,"

"I'll just discuss payment of the fine with your parents, then,"

I balked. "Waitwaitwait. What's that about?"

Roger appeared smug. "Well, your 'fun' wasn't cheap. Unless you have a spare gazebo just sitting around,"

"Don't talk to them about it," I dropped my face down to the level of the nightstand, worried. They would kill em. Moreover, they would kill themselves over it. I couldn't make them work even harder because of me. "I--I can find the money somewhere,"

Roger was smirking broadly. He had me wrapped around his pinkie. I wanted to literally do that to him. Might teach the little shit something.

"How about this," he said. "You swear you're going to be more careful from now on, we'll forget about the whole incident. Just this once,"

"I'll be a good little ferretess. Promise," I intoned, just eager to get him out of here. Maybe Ciaran would be game for more. Fuck, I was so horny.

Roger nodded vaguely in understanding. Pulling out a kit of some sort from his bag, he pricked my fingertip and procured the blood sample he'd been looking for and headed out the door.

As Roger left, I rolled back onto my stomach, resting my chin on my hands as I grinned down at my boyfriend on my bedspread. "Whaddaya say? Up for some more?"

Ciaran seemed a bit hesitant, focusing instead on searching for his clothes. "You know... I should probably get home. My parents are probably freaking out right now,"

"Aw, really?" I pouted, starting to unhook my blouse. "Fuck that. Let's be a bit reckless,"

"That was last night," Ciaran replied shortly, an edge creeping into his voice. "Did you hear nothing that guy just said? I love you, but you need to be more careful. You can't just do things like that,"

Way to be a buzz-kill, Ciaran. "Thanks, Mom. Hey. At least let me carry you home,"

"I--I--don't want to be an inconvenience. Besides, I've got my bike," Ciaran had managed to find his clothes by then and dressed himself quickly. He slid down the edge of the blanket and hurried toward the door.

I tried to muster a response, but couldn't think of anything that didn't seem bitchy. "Is it true, what you said? Am I scary?"

Ciaran froze. Fuck. Not a good sign. "Well... well, to be honest, yeah. Sometimes. It's just... you're so big. And if you got really angry and snapped or something some day... I have to go,"

I was crushed. I stared blankly at the back of Ciaran's head as he walked hurriedly toward the little door.

Rolling off the bed, I beat him to the door, stooping to find his bike. I made to move it over to him, but was so worried about how things stood with Ciaran that I forgot to be careful. The metal frame of the bicycle bent in my hand.

Crying out in frustrated anguish, I sat down heavily on the floor, trying to bend it back into shape. The effort quickly proved useless.

"Oh, gods. I'm so sorry," I moaned, dropping the twisted frame beside me. "So, so sorry,"

Ciaran barely reacted, expression mercurial. How could he maintain that façade? It was always there--almost. Except for last night. Things had been so perfect last night. I'd seen Ciaran without any sort of guard up, and I'd loved that. Where was the life remote rewind button when you really needed it?

"I'm so sorry," I mumbled again dejectedly.

Ciaran nodded, turning to leave. "Uh huh. I know,"

"I'll see you at school Monday, okay?" he said over his shoulder as he exited the door.

As my boyfriend headed home, I curled up on my bed, staring at the wall. Way to fuck a perfectly good thing up. Was I capable of doing anything without just turning everything into a huge mess? And what was all that about me snapping? I intimidated everyone, even my own boyfriend. Fuck.