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We're setting fire to our insides for fun

To distract our hearts from ever missing them

But I'm forever missing him

(Daughter)

---

I didn't know that so much of life could change with a few words. But that all changed when the judge handed down my sentence. I sat numbly on my spot, staring slack-jawed at the crotchety old cougar in her black robe. My eyes traced across the plaza that served as our courtroom, past my attorney to the prosecution, where Roger stood conferring with the lead attorney.

"Per the agreement between the defense and prosecution, Tabitha Crane is hereby sentenced to twenty months of community service and confinement in her quarters. The jury is thanked and excused. Court is adjourned," rasped the cougar.

Well, that was it. I was a convicted criminal.

***********

***********

Once again, Dad had no idea where Ciaran was. I mean, it wasn't like I expected him to glue a GPS tracker to his tail or something. But wasn't it every parent's job to at least kinda stalk their children? Well, their quasi-adopted adult children, in this case, I supposed.

"I'll let him know you were asking about him," Dad offered as I stood back up to my full height, stepping back from the apartment building.

I pursed my lips thinly. I'd been hoping to talk with him. Maybe have sex with him, too, if things went well. I was getting a bit antsy about that sort of thing. But he'd been MIA for the past week or so and I was starting to get worried. Had I done something to piss him off? Was he avoiding me? I needed to know.

As I made my way home through the darkening streets of Capitol Hill, I noticed Ciaran leaving an apartment building just off Broadway. He was smiling to himself, walking briskly with his hands shoved into his pockets.

Surprisingly enough, he didn't seem to notice me until I dropped to one knee and greeted him.

"Oh, hey there!" he said, startled. "How's it going?"

"Pretty alright," I replied, hugging my knee to my chest as I looked down at him. "Actually, I was hoping we could have a little talk. You know, just see where your things are for us,"

Ciaran hesitated, shuffling from one foot to another. "Well... I'm actually in something of a hurry,"

"Really? We don't have to take long. I haven't seen you in ages," I frowned slightly. "Wait a moment. Whose place was that you were coming from?"

Ciaran glanced hurriedly over his shoulder. "That? Nobody's. Nothing. Not important,"

I narrowed my eyes and got back to my feet. "If you're not going to be honest, it isn't going to be worth our time to talk," I sniffed.

The mink protested as I turned tail and strode off down the street towards home. I ignored him; that would teach him.

The ensuing days did nothing for my burgeoning sense of distrust and paranoia. Ciaran continued to avoid me. Roger suddenly decided to reverse earlier position on the infamous Bathing Incident and assigned me punitive measures, forcing me to sit on my ass day in and day out, filling out paperwork. Becca's grubby fingerprints were all over it. I just _knew_it. The puppet master put in an appearance as I finished up another round of forms.

"Hey, congrats," the little ferretess said, her tone chipper.

"Er, what?" I blinked, glancing up at Becca, who was leaning over the rail of the balcony.

I took a sip from the water tank I'd converted into a coffee mug, cringing at the bitterness of the drink. The finer points of my improvised coffee-brewing contraption needed to be ironed out; in the meanwhile, it was at least a source of much-needed caffeine.

"Nasty coffee? You take sweetener?" Becca noticed my expression.

"No,"

"You ought to try this," the ferretess produced a glass bottle of white powder. "It's called Stevia. Non-sugar sweetener type of thing. Really delicious. Only takes a little bit to really enhance the flavor,"

"You in the habit of carrying sweeteners around or something?" I snorted but held out my coffee. Eh, a little sweetener couldn't matter. Becca obliged and I stirred the coffee with my index finger. "What brings you out here? I doubt you just wanted to bring me tidings of great flavor,"

"I ran into Ciaran on my way home yesterday evening," Becca replied, winding a lock of hair around her finger. "He seemed to have a spring in his step. I just assumed you did something to put it there,"

I scratched my head, mumbling a noncommittal response as I took a gulp of coffee (Damn, it actually did taste better. Or at least palatable). It had been some time since I'd last seen Ciaran. Becca's eyes flashed victoriously. Shit. She knew. What the fuck was she playing at?

"I should get back to work," Becca replied, turning around. "I just wanted to say I was glad the guy's doing well. To be honest, I'd been a little concerned about whether you and Ciaran would be able to work things out--stuff had seemed a little tense of late. But I guess I was worrying over nothing,"

"Shut up," I muttered.

"What was that?" Becca turned around.

"I said 'shut up'," I snapped in reply, slamming my now-empty coffee tank onto the roof of a building. "But maybe I should have said 'shut up, bitch'. I know you've got some sort of bug up your ass about you feeling slighted and all that shit, but you need to stop. Now. This is your warning,"

"And what exactly is that supposed to mean?" Becca retorted.

I shrugged. "Just back off,"

With a final little smarmy smile, the ferretess disappeared into the building. I growled softly, scowling sidelong at the door she'd entered.

That bitch knew damn well what was going on. She had to be behind--whatever it was she was behind. Still needed to piece all of that together. Ciaran would know. Right? I could talk to him. But could I trust him? If whatever Becca said was true, maybe he didn't care about me anymore. Maybe he didn't want me anymore. I would be alone again. I didn't want to be alone. More than anything, I didn't want to be alone.

The caffeine must have suddenly kicked in, because I was struck with the desire to get up and do something. I needed to take a walk. Turning my back on MACRO, I made my way down the street, stewing in my thoughts as I stretched my legs. Becca's words percolated through my mind. I needed to talk with Ciaran right then. Figure out what the fuck was going on. Set the record straight.

I came to a sudden halt as I rounded a bend. My eyes narrowed. Speak of the devil. Ciaran was traipsing down the street, arm in arm with some floozy_I had never seen before. My eyes flashed. Was _this what Becca had been talking about?

Neither of the pair seemed to have noticed me, too absorbed in one another to pay much heed to the world around them. I narrowed my eyes, following after them as quietly and discreetly as possible. I needed to get to the bottom of this.

*****

The door on the other side of the barrier buzzed loudly before opening and two armed guards entered the room, escorting between them a chained and cuffed vulpine.

My blood ran cold as my eyes fell on Todd for the first time in months. He was much smaller than last I'd seen him, but somehow he still managed to exude the same air of calculated menace that he had when he was over a hundred feet tall. I almost shouted for the guards to stop as they unlocked his handcuffs for him to sit down, but knew that I couldn't give Todd the upper hand in any way.

I stiffened slightly in my seat as Todd sat, fixing me with his piercing gaze. He slouched back casually in his folding chair, picking up the phone to talk. His russet fur clashed horribly with the orange of his jumpsuit (probably a major reason why I never plan on going to jail), which was unbuttoned at the top, letting a tuft of dense white chest-fur poke through. Incarceration sometimes caused people to waste away, broken down by the confined quarters and challenges of jail, but Todd's lithe frame still reeked of power; he could probably smash through the glass separating me from him and break my neck if he really wanted. Worse still, he seemed to know that just as well as me.

"Come to give a bored inmate someone to talk with?" Todd asked, his tone smooth. "I'm going to be totally honest--prison sucks. Nothing to do. Most of the idiots here are completely worthless. And the cafeteria doesn't serve nearly enough tiny little people,"

The fox grinned ferally, snapping his teeth for effect. My stomach tied in a knot and I fought to hide my revulsion.

"You know why I'm here," I snarled, my tone almost guttural.

Todd waited a minute before choosing to remember. "Ah, yes. You must have gotten my letter,"

"So enlighten me. Why in the fuck am I sitting here looking at you?"

"Well, hmm. It's been a little while since I sent the letter. Prison mail takes a while. All that processing and whatnot. Gotta jog my memory,"

"Well, remember faster," I snarled, pounding my fist on the table.

"I'm getting there," Todd shifted back in his chair, fiddling with the phone cord nonchalantly. "Ah, yes. It's all coming back now.

"See, I am going to end you. I was perfectly happy as the god of Saaduuts--"

"--Right. Don't flatter yourself," I muttered to myself.

Todd's eyes flashed at my interruption, but he pushed forward. "But you had to go and ruin that. This whole prison thing? Really not my style.

"So here's how it's going to go down. I will spring loose of this miserable little hellhole. And I will kill every single person you love. Every last one of them. And then I'll kill you,"

My eyes narrowed. "You dragged me here just for that nonsense?"

"Were you expecting a fruit basket?"

I wouldn't have minded one. "Just piss off,"

"Would if I could. Last I checked, I don't have all that many options as far as 'places to go' is considered,"

Hanging the phone up, I pushed back from the counter as Todd stared at me, the unnerving grin never leaving his lips.

"Take him away!" I snapped at the prison guards, gesturing wildly. Okay, I'd always wanted to say that.

*****

It wasn't until Brie squeezed my fingers that I realized we'd been holding hands for the past few minutes. As we came to the front of her apartment building, the dovess smiled a little as she wheeled around to face me, grabbing my other hand in hers.

"That was a lot of fun," Brie smiled, massaging the backs of my hands with her thumbs. "I really like spending this time with you, you know. Especially when it gets me out of work for an afternoon. Why more people don't do lunch dates is beyond me,"

My cheeks flushed briefly. "Me too. I like seeing you,"

"Do you want to come up?" Brie asked softly.

I hesitated,

"I mean, you've always said no," the dovess hastily added. "And it's totally up to you. But I figured I'd ask. We wouldn't have to do anything," she laughed shortly. "We could just talk some more,"

Involuntarily, I sank to the ground in front of Brie, burying my face in the fabric of her shirt. The late autumn sun had put in a rare appearance, but I suddenly felt chilled to the bone. Brie crouched down next to me so that we were sitting against the wall of the apartment building.

"I really like you," I confessed thickly. "A lot. But I love Tabitha. I don't understand what's been going on with her of late, but I really do,"

Brie smiled wanly. "I... understand. I'll just... I'm going to go home now,"

"I really like being your friend," I blurted, cringing as I realized how stupid that sounded.

The dovess leaned over and gave me a gentle peck on the cheek as she got back to her feet. "Maybe give me a call sometime," she said, a thin smile playing at the corners of her mouth as she took a few steps backward. "If you want to talk or something,"

Brie disappeared underneath a massive hand. There was a sickening crunch as Tabitha flattened her under an open palm, twisting a little and pressing into the asphalt.

"Bitch," Tabitha muttered in disgust.

I sat pressed against the building, frozen in shock and fear as the ferretess wiped the mess off her hand onto the side of the building. Brie's broken, lifeless body lay in a crumpled pile half a dozen feet away from me. I threw up in my mouth, my vision going a little blurry around the periphery.

Tab's bloodstained hand encircled me, lifting me roughly off the ground as she got to her feet. She knew how to hold me without causing me any discomfort, but presently, either she was too distracted or she didn't care. I yelped, hitting her knuckle with my fist to let her know I was in pain, but she just squeezed tighter, smirking darkly.

"W-why?" I pleaded softly, unable to muster anything more.

Tabitha didn't reply and instead sat on the rooftop of the apartment building. I heard the complaint of brick and wood under her incalculable weight. Sometimes, I almost forgot that she was a giantess. But whenever she was angry, it became all to clear just how big she was and just how utterly powerless I was. But this was something that transcended anger. I squirmed fearfully in her grip, which only tightened.

"Stop," she breathed venomously.

I whimpered my response, complying quickly in the hopes that it would make her slacken her grip. It didn't.

"You--you_killed_ her," I stated the obvious through ragged gasps.

My brain was still trying to process the horrific event that had just occurred. It didn't make any sense. Tabitha had anger issues, that was true. Sometimes, she scared me. But this was out of character to say the very least. Tab wouldn't just up and kill someone out of the blue. No, something must have pushed her. Oh, gods. Was it me? I should have talked to her more, not avoided her like I had.

"I have to pay a little visit to someone. And you're coming with," Tabitha flashed a feral little smile.

"Wait--you aren't going to Becca, are you? That doesn't sound like a good idea,"

"You_cheating_ on me didn't sound like a good idea, either," Tabitha shot back. "We both saw how that ended up,"

"I wasn't," I growled. "We were ironing out the fact that I was with you when you decided to fucking murder her,"

"And that's why we're going to have a little chat with Becca. She's behind all of this. She's _got_to be. Fucking psycho bitch," Tab's eyes were wild.

I protested loudly as the ferretess stuffed me haphazardly into the breast pocket of her polo. She slid off the rooftop and began to stride purposefully down the street. Fuck. She was heading in the direction of MACRO. I had to talk some sense into her.

"Tab. What are you doing? You need to turn yourself in,"

"You don't understand. This is what needs to happen. Becca thinks she can get away with whatever she wants. Well guess what? I'm a motherfucking giantess. I get my_way. I get what _I want,"

"Tab... but what about Becca? What if she... you know, gets big? I don't want you getting hurt," I switched tactics.

Tabitha's laugh was cold and harsh. "Not worried about that. I've been keeping track and her last, ah, episode was yesterday evening. By my count, it takes at least a day to recharge her batteries, if you will. Besides. Even if something does happen, I wouldn't mind getting the chance to beat the living daylights out of her. She couldn't put up much of a fight as is,"

"Don't do this," I pleaded softly. "Stop now. Please,"

"Just shut up, Ciaran," Tabitha snarled, not changing course. "Be glad you're in my pocket and not under my foot,"

I fell silent, taken aback by Tabitha's blatant threat. What had I done to make her so angry? Curling up in the ferretess' breast pocket, I hugged my knees to my chest and sniffled softly, jostled by her every movement.

*****

I had no clue what the hell I was really doing as I arrived at MACRO Headquarters. Staring beadily at the building with arms folded across my chest, I tried to center myself. What a laughable prospect. My mind had been a muddled flurry ever since I'd followed Ciaran and that _slut_from the movie theatre to her apartment.

The tower was only slightly taller than I; maybe I could knock the whole thing down with a good tackle. I scowled. No dice. Even though Ciaran was a cheating piece of shit, I didn't really want to run the risk of hurting him. And there would be more collateral damage than I really cared to deal with. No, I just wanted Becca.

"Give me Becca," I snarled, my voice ringing. I gripped the sides of the building, crushing the entrance to smithereens with the toe of my shoe. "Give me Becca and I won't have to kill anyone else,"

The command drew a loud squeak from Ciaran, but I ignored him. I had a vendetta to settle. A thin smile flickered across my face as a door on one of the upper-floor balconies opened. It was replaced just as quickly by a scowl as I saw that the person who walked out of the building was not my target.

"Roger. Are you capable of listening? I want Becca, not you,"

"What the hell is going on?" the fox exclaimed. "I leave the office to go see--to take care of something--and suddenly everything goes to shit? I mean, the break room runs out of coffee, none of my reports are completed on time, and you decide you want to go on some sort of godsdamn rampage!"

"I'm not going on a fucking rampage," I muttered defensively. I refocused. "I just want Becca. That's it,"

"That isn't going to happen," Roger replied matter-of-factly. "What the hell do you think you're playing at? We aren't going to make some sort of godsdamn sacrifice or whatever the fuck you think you're getting,"

"I'll ask nicely one more time,"

"You're not going to hurt anyone," Roger replied. "Not going to happen. That's not something you get to do,"

"You wanna bet?" I snarled.

Roger let out a pained grunt as I pinned him by the chest against the wall by my fingertip. He struggled, grappling with the immense digit, but to no avail. I smirked wryly.

"I could press you through the wall if I really wanted to. But I won't. Because I like you, for some reason," I said. "But the more and more you hold out on me, the less and less I like you,"

"Well, tough shit," Roger croaked. "I'm not going to let you do this,"

I scowled again. Roger had that tone again. Whenever I got angry for whatever reason, that damned fox took on the most insufferable condescending tone.

All the same, I grumbled and let Roger go. He slumped down, massaging his chest. Fucking pussy.

My ears perked up as I heard a loud beep down near my ankle. I glanced down.

"Roger, doesn't your boyfriend drive one of those stupid Smartcars?"

"Fiancé," Roger corrected. "And yeah. He does. But it isn't stupid. It's an efficient and eco-friendly way of getting around,"

"Okay, are you like some sort of fucking car salesman now? What the fuck is he here for?"

*****

Roger either owed me a 17-course dinner or some _really_amazing sex after I did this for him. I had no problems whatsoever with doing favors for the guy. But 'favors' did not include driving halfway across the state to pick up some random crazy drunk person and ferrying him back to Saaduuts in my tiny little Smartcar, all for some sort of meeting my fiancé had put together. Why couldn't Davies just drive his own tail over here? I wasn't some damned taxi driver.

I had quickly given up any pretext of attempting polite conversation after my first attempt was answered with a series of bizarre guttural noises. Apparently, Ciaran's father wasn't one for chit-chat. Suit yourself, I snorted inwardly as I turned on the radio. Whatever was on, I hoped he hated it.

I pulled up to MACRO headquarters, just thankful that the trip was over. It would take me tons of aerating to get his distinct smell out of the upholstery.

"Alright, dude. This is your stop. If you go into the lobby and ask the lady at reception for Roger, she'll get to the right..."

I trailed off as I actually looked at the building. Tabitha was standing just outside, nothing unusual about that, really. But the front entrance was completely smashed to smithereens. The enormous ferretess bent over, reaching down for the car.

Acting instinctively, I shifted the Smartcar into reverse, slamming on the gas pedal. The giantess was too fast and my wheels spun uselessly as she lifted the vehicle into the air. Her fingers dented the metal of the body of the car and the windshield cracked under the pressure of her grip. My heart was racing--last I checked, Tabitha wasn't normally in the habit of just picking up people' cars, much less without permission.

"Hey there, Reynard," the giantess murmured.

I lowered the window, leaning out the side of the car. "Hey there, Tab. Would you mind putting us down? Mr. Davies can find his way up alone,"

Tabitha smiled again. It wasn't a normal smile. No, there was something... off-balance about her expression. "Ah, Mr. Davies. You know, I've been meaning to meet him. Glad you could bring him right to me,"

"Tab... what are you talking about? What's going on?"

The ferretess didn't reply. Instead, she matter-of-factly tore off the passenger side door and plucked the protesting person out of the car. He let out an uncharacteristically sissy yelp as Tabitha dangled him in front of her leering face.

"Well, hello there," she said. "My name's Tabitha. I'm your son's girlfriend. But I'm sure he mentioned me at some point. Well, before he did the smart thing and got his tail out of your house. Because you know what? You're a terrible father,"

I cleared my throat. Tabitha's eyes flicked towards me for a moment. "He's here to talk with Ciaran. So why don't you put him and me down?" I insisted.

The ferretess' eyes flashed. "I don't think Ciaran wants to talk with his scumbag of a father," she said flatly. I suddenly noticed the mink, who was stuffed rather unceremoniously into Tabitha's pocket. "Nah, we'll pass on that,"

Tabitha sat down in the street as she set the car and me down on the pavement. She was too big to sit cross-legged and her knees brushed up against the buildings on either side of the street. She stared almost hungrily at the person clutched in her hand.

"You know, I could really do some good for Ciaran, too, while I'm at it," she grinned ferally. "Yeah. I really could,"

*****

Ciaran had been in my mouth a few times before. He'd been a little freaked out at first by the prospect, but it turned out to be kinda fun. But this was the first time someone went into my mouth unwillingly.

It was kind of aggravating, to be perfectly honest. Davies flailed around, all arms and legs everywhere in a vain attempt not to end up where we both knew he would. I tried to swallow, throat muscles working furiously, but he was a bit too big.

Oh, gods. I was going to half to chew.

Frustrated by the never-ending flailing, I bit down, snapping his legs like twigs. A much higher-pitched yip punctuated the stream of shouts and expletives coming from the little twerp.

I became aware of another, even louder, source of complaints coming from my breast pocket. Ciaran. I plucked the mink out of my pocket, holding him in front of my face.

"What is it?" I asked Ciaran through a mouthful of his father. "I'm trying to do something for you,"

"Stop! Don't! Please! Don't do this," he blubbered.

I glowered at Ciaran. Here I was, trying to help him, and he went all soft on me.

Taking advantage of my silence, Ciaran persisted. "Tabitha, I don't know what's gotten into you. Why are you doing this? Don't eat Dad. Please. He's a terrible person. But you don't need to kill him. I don't want that. It won't make me happy, if that's what you're trying to accomplish.

"But that's not even the worst. You--you murdered Brie. I wasn't cheating on you with her. I swear. I thought she was cute, sure. But that's no crime. I loved you. In fact, I was explaining that exact thing to her when you crushed her. She was my friend. Nothing more.

"You need to calm down. Just take a step back and _breathe. _Please. Take a breath and slow down for a moment. You aren't thinking. You're just angry. Anger is okay. But hurting other people just because you're angry isn't right,"

I spat Ciaran's father indignantly into my palm. I glowered at Ciaran before glancing down at the broken body sprawled in my hand.

Any resolve I thought I'd had vanished in an instant. Shit. The little person looked like he was in serious pain. Pain that I had caused him. As if for the first time, I saw that the fur of my hand was matted with Brie's blood. Oh, shit. It was like I was coming out of a haze.

Ciaran and his father slipped through my fingers onto the ground as I leaned back against the side of MACRO. A soft sound escaped my lips. It had happened again. After I'd escaped from Todd's Warehouse of Nightmares and killed most of his cronies in cold blood, I'd made a promise to myself never to do anything as terrible as that again. But I had.

Ciaran had me fooled. He made me think I wasn't a monster. But I had been wrong. I was broken. I resolved every problem with murder and destruction.

I sniffled as I watched Ciaran kneeling next to his dad, cradling the alcoholic's head in his lap and staring into the middle-distance, glassy-eyed. The mink called out to me as I stumbled to me feet and took off running down the street, tears blurring my vision. I had to leave. Becca had won.