Lending A Paw - Part 5
#5 of Lending A Paw
Sitting alone in his small garage, Blaze went through tissue after tissue, crying, his nose running. He hoped that Andy wouldn't come out here looking for him. He still didn't know how he was going to tell the boy that his mother was dead. It tore at him, like a dagger through the heart. Mia had been in a very place for almost half of her life, and Blaze knew that much of problems were self inflicted, but she was still his sister. He could even remember what she was like before all the drugs. Despite the ten year age difference, she'd been a wonderful big sister to him before she went off to college. She'd play with him, watch him when their parents weren't home. She loved him and he loved her. That's how he wanted to remember her, not as a drug addict who died at thirty four. Mustering up all the courage possible, he left the garage and entered the house.
Inside, Andy was busy playing the X-Box, just like he'd been doing before Blaze had left to eat with Sasha. Sitting down on the couch, Blaze saw his nephew turn around, looking at him.
"Hi, Uncle Blaze," said Andy. "Have a nice dinner with Sasha?"
Blaze sighed, his eyes no doubt showing the heartache he felt right now. "Andy, would you turn that off? We need to talk?"
The boy did as he was asked. He sat down next to the older skunk. "Did I do something wrong?" he asked.
"No," said Blaze, patting him on the head. "Of course not."
"But something's wrong," observed Andy. "I can tell by the way you look."
Blaze looked at the floor, then back at his nephew. "Yeah, something is wrong," he said, putting a paw on his nephew's back. "Andy, I've been home for a while now, but when I came back, there was a police officer pulled in right behind me. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me some pretty bad news about your Mom."
"Was Mom in an accident or something?" asked Andy, concerned.
"Andy . . ." said Blaze, trying desperately to fight back the tears. "Andy, I'm so, so sorry, but your Mom died."
"What?" said Andy in shock.
"I . . ." Blaze tried to find the right words. "I'm sorry, Andy. You shouldn't have to go through something like this." He watched as Andy's eyes filled with tears. Grabbing hold of his nephew, he could hear him screaming at crying, devastated by the news that his mother was never coming back for him. Blaze stroked his nephew's head, trying to console him. Andy pulled away, looking up at Blaze.
"Why'd Mom have to die?" asked Andy, upset, angry and wanting answers.
"I don't know," answered Blaze. "I don't know if anyone has the answer to that question."
"But what's going to happen to me now?" asked Andy as Blaze wiped the tears from the boy's face.
"You're going to stay here with me from now on," answered Blaze. "I'll take care of you."
"You promise?" asked Andy, still crying.
"I promise," said Blaze, holding his nephew tight.
The next morning wasn't any easier for Blaze or Andy. The older skunk had to call his employees in for a meeting, explaining to them that he would be out the rest of the week to deal with a death in the family. Blaze had always treated his employees well, and he had good people to deal with all the office responsibilities. He took some comfort in knowing that the place wouldn't fall apart while he was dealing with this sudden tragedy.
The next task wasn't something he was looking forward to at all. The police officer told him last night that he needed a family member to identify his sister's body, and with his parents out of town, that left only him to take care of this. Leaving Andy at home with Sasha, who had agreed to stay with them, he made the trip to the coroner's office, preparing himself the whole way for what he was about to see.
The coroner's office was as he expected; cold, sterile. Blaze could feel the fur on the back of his neck standing straight up from being in the presence of death. Giving his driver's license to an attendant, he signed the forms that stated he was the next of kin coming to identify his sister's body. Sorrow, filled his heart as went went to the window outside of the autopsy. The coroner looked over at Blaze before the curtain was pulled.
"Are you ready for this, Mr. Kivisto?"
"Yes," said Blaze weakly.
The coroner tapped on the window. Blaze watched as the curtain was pulled. There, on a cold metal table laid his sister. It was as if someone had taken her and made her into some sort of prop or doll, like it wasn't even real. Blaze stepped forward, looking at her. Just thirty-four years old, but anyone who didn't know her would probably guess her to be much older. The hard life she'd lived for the past sixteen years had taken it's toll on her body, and now she'd paid the ultimate price for that lifestyle.
"Is that your sister, Mr. Kivisto?" asked the coroner.
"Yes," said Blaze.
The coroner tapped on the window again, and the curtain was pulled back, obscuring Blaze's view of his sister's corpse. Blaze did an about face, walking out of the place. He had more arrangements to make to deal with this. His parents wouldn't be back until Friday, but he wasn't about to ruin their anniversary, even though their only daughter was dead. What could they do about it? Nothing. It was up to him to handle this. He had to keep it together, not just for himself but for Andy's sake, but it was so hard. The sheer anguish he felt last night upon hearing of his death was quickly turning to anger. How could she do this to his family? Sixteen years. Sixteen fucking years she'd been a complete mess. Sixteen years out of a mere thirty four year existence. He didn't know why, but his brain did the math. Forty seven percent of her life was spent like this. It was such a waste.
"God damn you, Mia," he said, hitting the steering wheel of his car as he drove to the funeral home. "You selfish, selfish bitch. Now your son doesn't have a mother. I hope you're happy." As he parked, he felt himself burst into tears again. It just hurt too much. Waiting until he had stopped crying, he went inside the funeral home to deal with the funeral and burial arrangements of his sister.
The funeral home director, a soft spoken white rabbit showed him around the casket inventory. It was so surreal to Blaze; picking out a coffin for his older sister. A white casket caught his eye. Going over it, he tried to picture his sister lying in there, lifeless, never to see him or his family again. Blaze thought about all the things she would miss; seeing Andy learn to drive a car, graduate high school, graduate college, have a family of his own.
"Do you like this one, Mr. Kivisto?" asked the rabbit.
"Yes," said Blaze. "Strange as it might sound to say that about a coffin. It would look nice for her funeral."
"Very well," said the rabbit, writing something down on a notepad. "Would you care to look at our monuments?"
"Monuments?" said Blaze, puzzled.
"I'm sorry," said the rabbit. "That's what we call tombstones here. We find that giving words more comforting names might help the living better deal with their dearly departed relatives."
"I see," said Blaze, finding the word to simply be a euphemism. "I'm not sure about monuments at the moment. My parents will be coming home later in the week and I'll need to talk with them about what they want done with my sister's remains."
"Do you know if your sister wanted to be buried or cremated?" asked the rabbit.
"No idea," said Blaze. "I just saw her a few days ago for the first time in three years. She . . . she lived a very troubled life and we hadn't really been close in the last several years. Again, Blaze's mind did the math. She'd left for college when he was eight, and that was really the end of their close relationship. He was twenty four now. Two thirds of his life he had spent having little contact with his sister, and what contact they had wasn't exactly the warmest. He recalled yelling and screaming at her three years ago, calling her a junky and a terrible mother. Contemplating what had transpired, it was so uncanny that she came back to him just a few days ago. He chalked it up to her being out of options.
"Please, feel free to take your time in making your choice," said the funeral home director. "We want everyone to be completely satisfied with their experience here."
Inwardly, Blaze wished he could just leave right now. He didn't want to be here dealing with this. Feeling another bout of tears coming on, he thanked the rabbit for his time and headed out to his car. With his head on the steering wheel, the male skunk wept for his dead sister, but he was still angry at her too. Composing himself, he drove off, not wanting to see the funeral home at the moment.
Blaze drove around for a while, not wanting to be with anyone at the moment. Dealing with grief in his own way, he went over to the lake where Mia had taught him to swim. He was only a little cub at the time, and scared of the water, but Mia made him feel so safe and secure that by the end of the day, he was crying when his parents told them it was time to leave. They'd spent so much time there, swimming and just playing around in the water. Looking back he would have never known that his sister would have ended up like she did, dying of what was most likely a drug overdose. Sighing, he left the lake to drive around town; going past the places that they'd spent together. There was the park, the ice cream shop, though it had been closed for years and boarded up. He looked down at the clock radio, it was late afternoon now and he knew that he needed to get home to stay with Andy, regardless of how he was feeling right now.
Sasha was sitting in the living room watching television when he got home. Looking around, he didn't see his nephew.
"Where's Andy?" he asked.
"Sleeping," said Sasha, turning the television volume down. "Poor guy was so tired I told him to go to bed. He needed it."
"I'm sure he did," said Blaze, sitting down beside her. "Neither one of us got much sleep last night."
"So how are you feeling?" asked Sasha, immediately recoiling at the question. "I'm sorry, that was a stupid thing to ask right now, Blaze."
"It's alright," he said, sinking into the couch. "I'm fighting a whole bunch of emotions right now, Sasha, and honestly, I think I might go insane."
"Why?" she asked.
"I don't know," he said, shaking his head. "Maybe it's because Andy doesn't have a mother anymore; terrible as she was. Maybe it's because for two thirds of my life the girl who was my sister was controlled by some sort of demon. Maybe it's because I didn't help her like I should have."
"You can't help and addict unless they want help," said Sasha, holding his paw.
A tear ran down Blaze's face. "You know what's really killing me right now? Before she left, she asked me for a hundred bucks. Why did I give it to her? How do I know that wasn't the hundred bucks she used to buy the drugs that killed her? What if this is all my fault?"
"It's not your fault," said Sasha. "You were just trying to be a good brother to your sister. You can't put this on yourself."
Blaze sniffled, wiping at his eyes. "You know I still haven't told my parents? That's gonna be real fun when they get back. 'Hey Mom, hey Dad, how was your trip? Oh, by the way, Mia's died of a drug overdose.' God, I don't want to deal with this right now!"
Sasha took hold of Blaze as he broke down crying, overwhelmed by everything that had happened. "I'm going to help you deal with it, Blaze," she said. "I'm here for you and Andy, I promise you that."
The male skunk looked at Sasha. He could tell she was being sincere. Sure, she could joke around a lot of the time, but this was not one of them. Drying his eyes, he went to the bathroom to wash his face off. He heard a knock on the door. Opening it, he saw Andy standing there, looking askance.
"Hey, kiddo," said Blaze, wiping his face off with a towel.
"Hi, Uncle Blaze," said the younger male skunk. "Were you planning Mom's funeral?"
"Yeah," whispered Blaze. "Come on, let's go out to the living room."
The two males joined Sasha. Blaze sat next to her while Andy sat on the recliner. Both adults skunks could tell that Andy was still deeply hurt by what had happened and that he'd have lots of questions.
"Uncle Blaze, did . . . did my Mom die from drugs?"
He thought about how to answer that question. Blaze didn't want his nephew to have a bad impression of his own mother, but the boy had probably seen quite a lot being around Mia. He wasn't going to sugarcoat the truth.
"It looks like it," answered Blaze.
"Why'd she keep having to do drugs anyway?" asked Andy, almost in an angry tone.
"Andy," said Sasha. "People who do drugs, they don't realize all the harm that they're doing to themselves and everyone around them. It's . . . it's a sickness."
"You don't hate your mother, do you, Andy?" asked Blaze.
"No," he replied. "I'm just kind of mad at her right now."
"Oh," said Blaze, going over and hugging his nephew. "I think I've been mad at her for a long time now--sure wish I hadn't been though."
"Why were you mad at her?" asked Blaze. "You didn't have to live with her for the past ten years."
"No, I didn't," said Blaze, sitting on the arm of the recliner. "But I remember what your Mom was like before the drugs. She was the best big sister a little brother could ever have." Blaze smiled for the first time in almost a day. "You should have seen her back then, Andy. She was the sweetest, loveliest creature in the world. I don't know what it was that caused her to do the things she did when she left home. Maybe we'll never know, but I'd like to remember her as my loving, big sister."
"Sure wish I had a Mom like that," said Andy, hanging his head low.
"How about I show you some pictures from back then? I've got them in a closet somewhere around here."
Blaze went to one of the hall closets, digging around in it. Finding an olod shoebox, he opened the torn, worn lid. There were dozens and dozens of pictures inside that he hadn't seen for years. He brought them out to the living room, dumping them on the coffee table, he spread them around, showing Andy pictures of his Mom from a happier time.
"Is that you in the lake with Mom?" asked Andy, pointing at a photo.
"Yeah," said Blaze, laughing. "Boy, I was so scared that day I went swimming for the first time! But your Mom, she was wonderful. She staid close to me, taught me how to kick and use my arms, showed me how to go underwater without getting get water up my nose. She was so patient, so caring."
"You think we can put these up at Mom's funeral?" asked Andy.
"I think she'd like that," said Blaze.
"Uncle Blaze?" asked Andy.
"Yes?"
"Would . . . would you teach me how to swim? I've never tried it before."
Blaze hugged his little nephew tightly. "I'm certain your mother would have loved to see you learn how to swim."
"Can we go to that lake tomorrow?" asked Andy.
"Sure," said Blaze. "Sasha, will you come with us? I'd like to add some more photos to the collection here."
She agreed. They would all help each other get through this.