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Author's Note: Thanks to all my friends, watchers, and viewers. You guys are great! Greatly inspired by houndlover56's Amazing Race and Gainer's Paradise.

Quest for the Wolf's Ass Episode 2

Previously on Quest for the Wolf's Ass, we introduced our 10 contestants and had our first challenge: a race to a local pizza place followed by an eating contest. Sal won first place, much to Oscar's dismay, while Syke was the first to be sent home. Who will win this week and who will be sent packing? Find out now on...Quest for the Wolf's Ass!

At the house, the unfortunate five (Sal, Mac, Noel, Heissman, and Dieter) gathered together in the living room for a meeting.

"I think all five of us need to form an alliance", Mac said.

"Why? We don't need to work together", Sal said.

"It's what people do on reality shows", Mac said.

Sal just rolled his eyes.

"I think an alliance might be a good thing. Those four lucky bastards upstairs need to be eliminated so we can have actual mattresses to sleep on", Dieter said.

"I will say, I do agree with you that those four assholes need to be sent home", Sal said.

"So are you in Sal?", Mac said.

"Yes", Sal said. He didn't want to work with others, but he knew teaming up was his best bet of getting rid of the guys upstairs.

Mac then called for a group high five. Only problem was that they couldn't decide on a name.

"How about the First Floor Forget Me Nots", Noel said.

"No way, that sounds really girly", Sal said.

"Dude, we're all gay or bi here what does it matter if we pick something 'girly'", Heissman said.

"Well I'm not a stupid, sissy bottom", Sal said.

"What's wrong with being a bottom?", Dieter said, glaring at him.

"Guys cut it out! I'm not letting this alliance fall apart on day freaking one! There's nothing wrong with being a bottom. Now let's calm down and pick a damn name already", Mac said.

"Well, I heard the producers are nicknaming us the Unfortunate Five, so how about we go with that?", Heissman suggested.

"That makes us sound like losers", Sal said.

"No, I think it makes us sound like underdogs. A lot of people love those", Noel said.

"Well let's go with that then. The Unfortunate Five! United by a common goal of getting rid of the furs upstairs", Mac said.

"Yeah!", the other four said, high fiving each other.

Meanwhile, Nick had been secretly listening in on them the whole time from the top of the stairs, hiding behind a curtain as he did. He made his way back to the others to tell them what he heard. They were having their own conversation about the game.

"If I would've ran faster, I would've wiped the floor with Sal. I'm the king of overeating", Oscar proudly announced.

"I almost went home yesterday", Melvin said glumly.

"Cheer up kitty. The important thing to remember is you didn't go home. You survived the challenge", Tommy said.

"I guess you're right", Melvin replied.

Nick then entered the bedroom where the other three were gathered and said, "Um guys...the downstairs furs just formed an alliance with the intention of sending us home."

"Shit! I bet Sal is behind this", Oscar said.

"Well, Mac seems to be the leader of this alliance, but Sal is definitely on board. I think we need to form an alliance against them", Nick said.

"Sounds great, but then the house would be split in two and I don't think Stash planned it this way", Melvin said.

"What makes you say that?", Oscar asked

"Well, it was every man for himself at the last challenge", Melvin said.

"Yes, but Stash divided the house the moment he gave us beds and gave them sleeping bags, so I think he secretly wanted this to happen", Oscar said.

"Okay. I just don't want to get in trouble for messing up the game", Melvin said.

"Awww, don't worry about that kitty. Those people downstairs want us out so we need to get them out. This is how reality shows work. There's alliances, secret plans to eliminate the other contestants, walking around naked, they're all parts of why people watch these shows", Oscar said.

"Alright so, let's form an alliance", Melvin said.

"What should we call ourselves?", Tommy asked

"Well I heard them call us 'those four lucky bastards', so I say we own it and call ourselves The Four Lucky Bastards", Nick said.

"Sounds profane", Melvin said.

"Kitty, we're on a show where the prize is to have sex with the host. I think 'Bastards' is probably the least profane thing that's going to happen on this show", Tommy said.

"True", Melvin said.

"Alright, so we all agree on the name?", Nick said.

"Yes", the other three replied.

"Then let's high five to solidify our alliance", Nick said. The four furs then high fived each other followed by a group hug.

At dinner that night, the nine contestants sat down at a picnic table in Stash's backyard with The Unfortunate Five sitting on one side and The Four Lucky Bastards on the other. Both sides eagerly awaited for Stash to come home with dinner. He arrived a couple minutes later with some food from KFC. The nine contestants dug in and when they finished Stash called for their attention to make an announcement.

"So it has come to my attention that the house has been divided into two alliances, The Unfortunate Five and The Four Lucky Bastards. I did not anticipate this, I must admit, but it's fine. I decided that, for as long as these alliances last, to make future challenges team ones. This will change the game a bit. Is everyone okay with that?", Stash said.

Everyone nodded their head in agreement.

"Good", Stash said, "You'll get your next challenge tomorrow. Until then I suggest you become friends with your fellow teammates. You'll need them."

After the dinner, the contestants returned to their rooms and began speculating what tomorrow might bring.

"Think tomorrow will be another eating challenge", Melvin asked, hoping to not have to do one of those again.

"I wish, but I don't think Stash will repeat himself. Not this early in the show at any rate", Oscar said.

Meanwhile, The Unfortunate Five had their own ideas about what tomorrow would bring.

"It's summer time, so maybe it'll be a swimming challenge or something", Mac said.

"Who knows", Sal said, "Stash is being really vague on the details."

"Kinda like Toner", Noel said.

"Nah, Toner would've dropped a hint at least", Sal said.

"I don't think he'd ever host a show like this", Dieter said.

"True", Noel said.

"*cough* Gainer's Paradise *cough*", Heissman said.

"No, that show is about gaining weight. The sex parts just sort of happen", Mac said.

"Oh", Heissman said.

Back upstairs, Nick was on his way to the bathroom when he heard the sound of a TV coming from the end of the hallway. He followed the sound and found Stash sitting down on his bed watching the Amazing Race on TV with a notepad and a pencil in paw, taking notes as he watched. Not wanting to be seen, Nick tip toed to the left and went into the bathroom. After he finished, he tip toed back to his shared bedroom and whispered to Tommy, "I saw Stash watching the Amazing Race and taking notes."

"For real", Tommy said, chuckling.

"Yep", Nick said, chuckling too. He then told Oscar and Melvin what he saw.

"No wonder this show reminds me of the race so much", Oscar said.

The next morning, the contestants gathered around Stash eager to hear the next challenge.

"Good morning you handsome furs. It's time for your next challenge. Since Sal won the last challenge, he gets to read today's letter", Stash said. Stash then hands a letter to Sal who opens it up and reads it aloud.

"'The Boat Times: Each team must take Stash on a boating date and the team who impresses him the most will win the challenge'", Sal read.

"That's correct. Now if you guys want to buy flowers or candy or whatever for our date, I'm giving you an hour to shop at the local CVS where a bus will be waiting to take you to the boating dock at Frances Slocum State Park. Your time starts...now", Stash said, starting a timer. All nine contestants went out onto the streets of Plymouth to the local CVS where they scrambled to buy the best candy and flowers they could find.

"The prize of this show is a hook-up, so why are we buying freaking flowers and candy? I'm not wasting money on that", Sal said.

"Don't you want to win?", Mac said.

"Yes", Sal said.

"Then pony up that dough and buy some flowers. Who knows, maybe things will become more serious if he likes you enough", Mac said.

"Fine", Sal said.

Once the contestants finished their shopping, they got on the bus and headed to the park. Once they arrived, they saw a rowboat with Stash sitting in the front, facing them.

"Welcome to Frances Slocum State Park. The first team to try to win me over will be...The Four Lucky Bastards", Stash said.

The Bastards smiled happily while Sal gave them all dirty looks.

"I think fat ass Oscar is going to sink the boat", Sal whispered to Mac.

"You think so?", Mac replied

Oscar was nervous about fitting in the boat, especially considering there was to be four other furs on board too and the boat barely fit them all. He decided to sit in the middle while Nick sat next to him and Tommy and Melvin sat behind him. Stash then starting rowing and once he felt they were far enough away he stopped and said, "now it's just us...and the camera guy too of course. So here's your chance guys, impress me."

"Well, I bought you some flowers", Nick said, handing him a bouquet of yellow tulips.

"My favorite. How did you know?", Stash asked.

"I followed you on Twitter", Nick replied.

"I see", Stash said.

"I bought you a lemonade", Oscar said, giving him a bottle of lemonade.

"Thanks Oscar, I needed a drink", Stash said, opening up the bottle and taking a sip.

"I bought you some Yu-Gi-Oh! Cards", Melvin said, passing down a deck of cards to Stash.

"Um...thanks", Stash said, unsure of what to say. Melvin grew worried.

"I got you some Tic-Tacs", Tommy said, passing the mints down to Stash.

"Uh...thanks Tommy", Stash said, unsure of how to react.

Tommy pinned his ears down and became worried too.

"Thank you gentlemen, now I'll row us back to shore and let the other team have their turn", Stash said. The wolf then rowed back to shore and dropped off The Bastards and picked up The Unfortunate Five. As with The Bastards, Stash rowed away from shore so the other team couldn't see them.

"Okay guys, impress me", Stash said.

"I got you some flowers and candy", Sal said, handing Stash a Kit Kat bar and a couple of red roses. Sal took off his shirt too, revealing his bare chest and stomach fur.

"Oh! Thanks Sal", Stash said, getting turned on.

"I got you a magazine", Heissman said. He handed Stash a nude magazine called "Gay Furs Weekly."

"As if I wasn't horny already, now you've made me even hornier. Thanks Heissman", Stash said.

"We're totally gonna win", Sal thinks, until Mac's gift comes up.

"I got you a gift card to Burger King", Mac said.

"Okay...thanks", Stash said, starting to lose his horniness. He then turned to the camera and whispered, "I freaking hate Burger King."

"I got you a Toblerone bar", Dieter said.

"Thanks Dieter", Stash said.

"I got you an Almond Joy and Transformers on DVD", Noel said.

"Thank you Noel", Stash said. He turned to the camera yet again and whispered, "I hate Almond Joys and Michael Bay movies too."

After he received Noel's gift, Stash rowed back to shore and had the contestants wait while he contemplated how they did. Everyone was nervous.

"I think the Yu-Gi-Oh! Cards were a bad idea", Melvin said.

"It's okay Melvin, he probably just doesn't play the game", Oscar said.

"Well, he wasn't impressed. I bought them because I love that game and I know I would be impressed if someone bought Yu-Gi-Oh! cards for me", Melvin said.

"I think he was less impressed with my Tic-Tacs than your cards. I hope he doesn't think I'm trying to say he has bad breath. I just bought them because I think they're great.", Tommy said.

"Don't worry about it Tommy", Nick said.

Meanwhile, The Unfortunate Five were even more on edge.

"Heissman and I had this challenge won and then you blew it Mac! I could see by the look on his face that he didn't like your stupid gift card", Sal said.

"Who said I blew anything? We won't know what he thinks until we hear his decision", Mac said.

A few minutes later Stash came back to announce who won.

"Okay contestants, I've made my decision. The team who impressed me the most is...The Four Lucky Bastards", Stash said.

"Yes!", Nick shouted.

"Fuck!", Sal shouted.

"That means that someone will be eliminated from the losing team", Stash said. He then turned to the losing team and looked them over.

"Sal...you're safe, you can return to the bus", Stash said.

Sal walked away to the bus, giving Nick a mean look along the way.

"Heissman...you're safe, you can get on the bus", Stash said.

Heissman walked away to the bus with a smile.

"Dieter...you're safe, you can get on the bus too", Stash said.

The German wolf returned to the bus, relieved he was still in the competition.

"That leaves Mac and Noel. One of you is going home. Mac, you're handsome, but I personally think Burger King has the worst food ever. I would hate to go on a dinner date there. Noel, you're good looking, but I don't like Almond Joys at all and I would also hate a movie night with Michael Bay films. Choosing who is going home tonight is not an easy decision, but it must be done. Noel...you're eliminated from the competition. Goodbye!", Stash said.

Noel pinned his ears down and walked away. When interviewed by the camera guy, this is what Noel had to say: "It was an interesting time, but I feel like I got kicked out too early. How was I supposed to know he didn't like Michael Bay movies. It sucks to be eliminated this early. I guess I'll just go home and eat a Klondike bar or something."

And so concludes another episode. Who will get to pound Stash's ass and who will be sent home? There's only one way to find out, keep on watching...Quest for the Wolf's Ass!