FSE

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Lunchtime in the office. If one listened closely, you could easily hear the collective, contented sigh as the clock mercifully ticked over from 11:59 to noon. On a Monday, the reprieve was especially needed. The endless clacking of keyboards ceased, and for an entire, glorious hour, the employees of the city's Waste Management department could unwind and socialize.

For most of the month, the offices were almost deserted, inhabited only by the permanent office drones and the odd intern. The agents were out in the field all day, filling out their monthly quotas of snuffed females. But being a government agency meant that, eventually, all the bureaucracy would have to catch up with them. The more forward thinking agents stopped by at the end of each day, logging their kills and moving the necessary paperwork a little bit at a time. But for the majority, the last few days of the month were usually spent in a dull, grinding cycle of catching up.

Trevor was one of the latter group. He knew he would be insane to complain about his job; he got to work outdoors, it was both mentally and physically stimulating, the benefits package was killer, and he was very good at it, to boot. But after four solid hours of staring at his computer screen, mindlessly cross checking Social Security numbers, filling in the same, tedious forms, and shuffling back and forth from his desk to the copier, he felt like he was ready to blow his brains out. And he'd barely even made a dent in his list.

Rubbing his eyes tiredly, he glanced at the next name he had to take care of. Kaitlyn Turner. After drawing a blank for a while, he picked up the binder on his desk. Page after page of clear plastic held dozens upon dozens of ID cards, all taken from this month's victims. Ah, there she was. Upon seeing the cute feline's driver's license, the memory came flooding back. He'd been wandering the county fair when he'd seen her. She looked alone, so he'd chatted her up, quickly gaining her trust. They'd spent a fun evening together, and were heading back to her car in the darkened parking lot. He could have easily headed back to her house for a quick fuck, but he was feeling a bit tired from walking all day. So he settled for a satisfying blowjob before pulling her out of the car and slamming the door on her head until she stopped screaming. Then a few more times, until she stopped twitching. He'd jabbed a Waste Management tag through her earlobe, called in a truck to pick up her body, and headed home. Doing stuff like that was challenging, satisfying, even fun. But recording all the information about her death into a dreary form just sucked all the joy out of it.

The sound of several chairs scooting back at once made his ears perk. Trevor glanced at the clock, sighing with relief as he saw the time. The German shepherd eagerly stepped out of his cubicle, joining the flow of workers heading for the exits. Many headed out of the office, but Trevor's wife had packed him some delicious leftovers, and he was looking forward to enjoying them. When he arrived, the break room was already crowded with workers, sitting down at tables and tearing into their meals. Many were absorbed by their phones, but there was a steady drone of friendly conversation, as well. As he stepped in line for the microwave, he felt a light punch on his shoulder.

"Ah, five days before deadline. That's when I expect to see this guy in the office." Called a friendly voice from behind him. Trevor was already grinning widely as he turned, revealing a similarly-grinning hyena.

"Hey Vic." He said, slapping the other canine's offered paw. "Looks like you're here too, so ahh, glass houses?" But Vic only shrugged, his grin turning into a smug smirk.

"I'll be done by the end of the day. Bit of a slow month for me."

"Just hitting quota this month?"

"Just hitting quota." The hyena confirmed. "I'm taking the family out camping for a few days this month, just wanted to be sure I'd have time." Trevor nodded approvingly, guiltily trying to remember the last time he'd taken his family to do anything special. No, they'd gone to that water park barely a month ago. He was good, for now.

"How was your month? Quick, gimmie your best and worst kills." Trevor asked, putting him on the spot. Vic sighed, glancing at the ceiling as he thought. "No time to think, just give me the first ones that pop into your head."

"Fine, fine." He replied, chuckling. "Okay, the best is pretty easy. My wife dragged me to the ballet. It's even more boring than it sounds." He said, as Trevor gave a sympathetic wince. "By the time the intermission happened, I was about ready to jump off the balcony. So I made an excuse and searched the place until I figured out how to get backstage. I bluffed my way through, and found my way to the lead dancer's dressing room. It had a star on it and everything." By this point, a few ears were cocked towards them, some of the other employees watching them with interest. Trevor finally reached the microwave. As he stuck his food in, he said,

"Don't tell me you tried to sweet talk your way in there. You're crap at it."

"I did. I tried, and I did it. I pretended I was a stagehand or something, and I told her the director wanted to talk with her, and she just opened the door for me. After that, well..." Vic shrugged, smirking cockily. "...It was pretty easy. I locked the door, and broke her fucking legs with my bare paws, just 'cause I felt like it. I crushed her throat to finish her off, just left her there to choke. God, you should have seen how pissed off the rest of them were as I got out of there." He chuckled, rubbing the back of his head with a paw. "But yeah, that was the best one, because I got to go home early. She was a snow leopard, absolutely gorgeous. Looked even better up close."

Trevor laughed along with Vic, nodding approvingly. "Nice, nice. Pretty ballsy move. And the worst?" He got his food out of the microwave, waiting for Vic to do his.

"Ugh, that's harder. So many weren't even fun this month, just work. I spent two damned hours getting close to this rabbit in the park, getting her all buttered up and trusting. I finally manage to get her behind some bushes, and she decides she has cold feet right then. I was already hot, sweaty, and bored, so I just got her in a choke hold. But before I had my grip tight, she headbutts me right in the fucking lip. Takes off. Did you know that rabbits are fucking fast?!" he asked furiously, drawing several sympathetic laughs from the listening crowd. "So I had to chase her down. Across the entire. Fucking. Park. She might have even gotten away if she'd stopped trying to scream for help the whole time. Finally runs out of breath, and I tackle her. I was so tired, I didn't even have the strength to break her neck. I just sorta leaned into her neck with my forearm while I caught my breath, choked her out like that. It was terrible." The hyena shook his head ruefully, snorting with laughter along with those who were listening. "All sweaty, with people walking past and screaming. I didn't even look good doing it." The microwave dinged, and the pair headed to a table. "There, those were my best and worst for the month. How 'bout you? What were yours?"

"Well, I'll save you some time. I didn't have any kills as fucking pathetic as that one." They both laughed, Vic grinning ruefully afterwards.

"Hey, that's the worst one I've had in a long while. Come on, do you have one that beats my best?" Trevor arched an eyebrow, grinning slightly as he thought. His eyes drifted across the break room, until they suddenly fixed on a face.

"Yeah, you could say that." He said, smirking. The German shepherd stood up, waving to someone across the room. "Hey! Jared!" On the other side of the room, a weasel glanced up from his phone, looking in the direction of the voice. At the sight of Trevor, an obvious scowl broke out across his face, but Trevor continued to persistently wave, beckoning him until the other male slid out of his seat, stalking toward their table.

"What do you want, Trevor?" he asked sullenly, crossing his arms. The weasel was one of the newest full agents, over a decade younger than the other two. Vic's eyes darted between them, wondering what their beef could be.

"Aw, come on, Jared, don't be like that. Just sit down, I'm telling a story you might be interested in." The young weasel frowned, inspecting the wall for a moment. He looked like he was about to turn and leave, until Trevor added, "Jared, please, I got you your Waste Management internship. The least you can do is play along with me now. Please?" At long last, he plopped down in the seat across from them, propping his chin up with a little fist.

"Well, now I've got to hear what your best kill was." Vic said eagerly. The weasel merely rolled his eyes and grunted. A few other pairs of eyes watched their group attentively, drawn in by the potential drama of the scene.

Feeling quite like the center of attention, Trevor launched into his story with gusto. "All righty, I'll tell you. So, ever since I got little, high-schooler Jared to help me out with a couple of snuffs, we've been close. He's like a son to me." He playfully reached out and tousled the weasel's head fur, drawing an angry slap.

"Do you mind? Just tell the damned story." Jared shot at Trevor, his scowl deepening. The canine gave a satisfied chuckle, before continuing.

"He's been telling me everything about his first few months on the job, how much he loves it, asking for tips, just constant communication. You can tell there's real passion there. Anyone can tell this kid's going places in this department, including him. Which is why he's made it a very personal goal of his to beat my record." Trevor took a sip of his drink, not taking his gaze off of the young man. "Practically every time we talked, he'd sign off with 'And don't forget, I'm coming for your record, old man.' And just to be clear," he clarified, glancing around the crowd that had gathered, listening raptly. "I'm fine with someone else beating the record. I'd love for it to be Jared. He's even gotten pretty close already."

"How close?" asked Vic, arching his eyebrow curiously. Trevor sighed, trying to remember.

"It was, uhh..."

"I was 10 short on my third month." Jared interjected, drawing a few shocked murmurs from the audience. For a kid barely on the force, such success was unheard of. Even Trevor had only managed to set his record at the age of 29, after almost a decade of experience.

"Anyway, you can see that he's got talent, so I'd always just be friendly and encouraging when he said things like that. It's adorable, really." He added, earning an exasperated sigh from the weasel. "But lately, for the last couple of months, actually, I've barely heard a thing from him. I know he's doing great work, but I've just noticed that he's barely communicating with me any more. I only saw him a few times in the office, and he was nice to me then, so I really couldn't figure it out. I guessed that he just didn't need a mentor anymore."

"So last Monday, I was sitting at home, and my wife comes in and tells me that she heard one of the new teachers in her school is dating a Waste Management guy, and asks if I knew who it was. Obviously, I had no idea, there's a lot of guys here. My lovely wife, being sly like she is, decides to do some investigating of her own. She's really curious, but she's got to keep her distance, because everyone who works there knows that my wife is married to a WM agent, and they give her a wide berth. So the story goes, she's heading home one night, and she sees the new teacher walking out, right into, and I'll use my wife's words here, 'that big, stupid muscle car that Jared drives.'"

That comment drew plenty of laughter, and forced Jared to sit up straight, his eyes wide with shock and anger. "What?!" he demanded. "What's wrong with my car?"

"Dude, that thing's like what a 50 year old man buys to make himself look cool." replied a buff equine agent behind him. "It's not cool."

"It is cool!" countered Jared defensively. "It's a classic piece of automotive history!"

"No, it's dumb, and it makes you look like you have a tiny penis." Replied Trevor, earning another round of laughter from the crowd and a withering glare from the weasel. "Sell it. Anyway, my wife hears through the grapevine that they're going on a date at that new steakhouse just past the East bridge, and she passes on that information to me. Now, put yourself in my shoes." he requested of the crowd, raising his hands innocently. "I've got a rising star on my hands, who could easily be the best agent we've ever had in this bureau. Ever since I gave him his initial shot, I've felt pretty responsible for him. Could I live with myself if I let some harlot sink her claws into him and drain him of all his potential? Hell no. I had to see her for myself, to see if she's on the up and up." Trevor took a sip of his drink, wondering if his food would be cold before he got to eat it.

"I asked my wife, and she says the girl seems nice enough. Fresh out of college, pursuing her lifelong dream of teaching children and making very little money." The well-compensated WM agents guffawed, and Jared started to look a little more interested. "Says she's cute, but I had to see that for myself. Friday comes along, and I send Jared a couple texts, asking him out to bowl and drink with me, something that we haven't done in a very long time, actually. You free tonight?" Trevor suddenly asked, seriously. Jared groaned.

"Just finish the damned story already." He demanded, making Trevor grin.

"Anyway, I figure out what time their date is, and I get there a little bit after them. I've got hood on, complete with sunglasses, and thankfully, the booth right next to theirs is open. For next time, take her somewhere with a dress code." He added to Jared. "I sit with my back to them, and listen to them while I eat. God, I wish I'd recorded it or something. It was so precious, so sincere and loving. Brought back happy memories of young dating. Lordy, it was nice to listen to. She seemed smart, pretty witty and funny, too. Though it might have been because I had to listen to Jared for half the time." He said, rolling his eyes.

"Now, here's where it gets good. Jared gets up to use the bathroom, thanks to some liquid laxatives and a hundred bucks slipped to his waiter." The German shepherd allowed himself to grin widely as a look of shocked realization spread across Jared's face. The agents roared with laugher, slapping the table as Jared sputtered.

"Y-You what?!" he stammered, looking at Trevor in disbelief. Trevor nodded, giving him a slight shrug.

"Works every time. By the way, that's my patented restaurant trick. Nobody else is allowed to copy that. While the kid's in the bathroom having a great time, I lose the hood and shades and slip right into the seat next to her. She's a little shocked, to be sure, but I assure her that I just can't stand to see a pretty woman sitting alone. And I promise you guys, she was gorgeous. She's a weasel too, but an actually good looking one, unlike ours. She's got perfect fur, a great smile, a pretty decent body for a weasel, and her face, oh." Trevor closed his eyes, as if to imagine it one more time. "Eleven out of ten. Beyond beautiful."

"She tells me she's here with someone, but I promise I'll leave her alone when he gets back. She eventually starts opening up to me, first about just the usual things: job, school, family, so on. But after a while, when Jared's probably starting to really feel it," he continued, relishing the anguished look on the weasel's face, "she starts to really tell me about herself. Her hopes, dreams, little cute things that just make you want to love a person. I swear to God, I thought she was gonna start hitting on me, but she didn't, she's just that nice. But I couldn't do this forever, so I started to put the moves on her. Now, everyone who's heard one of my stories knows that I know how to seduce." Several heads nodded in agreement. "I've got it down to a fucking science, how to get into a girl's pants. After all, what better way is there to get them out of a public area?"

"So, I start making little moves, and she's resisting. She's not completely shutting me down, probably because she's just being polite. I hit her from every angle I could think of, but no luck. She's not going to slap me away, because I'm not coming at her like that, but she's still not letting me in, even with the amount of time Jared was away. I'm getting desperate here, because my time has to be running short by now, desperate to just prove to myself that this girl can't possibly be perfect. I rest an arm on her shoulders," Trevor mirrored the motion on Vic, causing him to break into hyena giggles, "lean in real close," he continued, slowly leaning in until his forehead was pressed against his friend's, "and just whisper, 'Come with me, now. He's gone. I saw him get into his car and drive away. I'm ready to build a life with you, just tell me yes.' And then, I raised a finger to her jaw..." The room looked on with bated breath as Trevor brushed his finger along Vic's muzzle, gently guiding the hyena's lips closer to his. Jared looked on with wide eyes, and a heated blush rose to Vic's cheeks. The hyena looked confused as he continued to play along, shuddering slightly as Trevor's hot breath washed across his lips and neck. But just before their lips met, Trevor pulled back, leaving Vic still leaning in, a very confused erection tenting his pants. The German shepherd turned smoothly back to Jared, who was as silent as the rest of the room.

"And?" he asked, wringing his hands nervously. Trevor kept his face neutral, letting the tension build even more for a moment.

"She said no." he finally said, shrugging. "Guess she actually saw something in you that was special. And in that moment, I knew. She was perfect, wonderful in every way. Just being with her would be enough to make the most miserable day more bearable. A true catch, one in

a million." A tiny smirk grew across his muzzle as he continued, watching Jared. "In short, far, far too good to be dating Jared. So, I did what had to be done." Trevor sat back with his drink, enjoying the huge surge of confused noise that exploded in the room.

"WHAT?!" Jared cried, tearing at his head fur in anguish. "TH-THAT'S YOUR REASON?!" Trevor nodded, his smirk growing into a sly grin.

"Finish the story!" Vic demanded, a sentiment that set off a surge of agreement among the listeners.

"I could tell that our little Jared would doom her to a life of disappointment and regret, as would pretty much every man on this planet. So, I did the only sensible thing I could. I told her to look out the window, pulled out my trusty garrote wire, and looped it around her neck." Shocked cries rose through the room, as Jared covered his face with his hands. "She fought hard, I'll give her that. She was kicking so hard, she damn near broke my shin before I caught her legs with mine. She was still squirming and thrashing around, so I leaned back and really gave her the squeeze. The wire dug in deeper and deeper, far too tight for her to even get a finger under. Once she slowed down a little, I tightened it even more, until I could feel her trachea crunching under the wire. She gave a little shudder at that, her little paws patting at my face like that would stop me. Once her throat was crushed, all I had to do was twist the handles together and hold her there with one hand. A few people had noticed me, but not enough to make as scene. I held her close, slowly rocking her back and forth while she died. She was starting to go still, so I leaned in close to her and whispered, 'Jared didn't abandon you, if it makes you feel any better. I'm sure he loves you very much.' I was just taking her pulse when Jared finally arrived."

"You son of a bitch, Trevor!" Jared sputtered, looking for a moment like he was about to leap across the table. Some of the nearby agents tensed, but Trevor just smiled.

"Yep, that's about how you reacted then, too. I really wish I had my hands free to take a picture, because your expression? Fucking priceless. I don't think I'll ever see anything like it again. Kids don't even look like that when you're snuffing their mom."

"Did he do anything?" Vic asked, his eyes still wide.

"Oh yeah, he went fucking ballistic." Trevor said, making Jared blush. "He was ranting and raving like a lunatic, swearing that he'd do this and that to me, yadda yadda yadda. What made me really crack up was when the manager came running over and saw the body. She started shrieking, and Jared turned right on her. Pulled a knife out of somewhere, it was too fast for me to see. I could see that he was about to get himself in trouble, so I had to drop the girl and get him out of there pretty quick. We talked it out in the parking lot, though, so we're cool, right Jared?"

"T-Talked it out?! You just stood there and laughed at me!" Trevor couldn't stop the grin on his face from widening, unsuccessfully trying to stop a snort of laughter from escaping his nose. "For five solid minutes, this guy stood there and laughed in my face." the laughter spread among the crowd, which was starting to disperse. Jared sighed, looking down at the table despondently.

Trevor's grin faded. "Hey." he said, getting the weasel to look up. "I warned you when you signed up, it's a cruel, cutthroat business. Sometimes literally. You have to believe that I did this for your own good." he lowered his voice confidentially. "I saw your record over the last

two months. Barely broke quota last month, just hit it this month. That's beneath you. You can soar in this organization, but only if you push yourself every day. That girl, as nice as she was, was holding you back." Trevor didn't flinch his gaze from Jared's glare. "Be mad at me if you want. Use that anger to motivate yourself. Trust me, you'll find it even easier to find a girl after you've got a few years of advancement under your belt. But that's not going to happen if you blow all your time chasing tail. Believe me, there's plenty more women out there. You should know, you spend all day snuffing them, and they're still almost overrunning us."

Jared's angry expression slowly simmered away, leaving him looking defeated and miserable. "I should get back to work..." he mumbled, standing up. He pushed his hands in his pockets, heading for the door.

"Jared!" Trevor called after him. The weasel took another step, but hesitated before he left the room. Finally, he turned around, looking at Trevor expectantly.

"Bowling and drinks tonight? On me." Jared frowned briefly, but gave an ambivalent grunt. He spun on his heel, quickly walking out of the room. "I'll take that as a maybe!" he called after him.

"So, yeah. That was my best kill of the month." Trevor said, finishing off his drink to quench his dry throat.

"Holy moly..." Vic said, shaking his head slowly. "I'm gonna need a minute to process that one." He got up, too, tossing his empty plate into the trash. As he headed back to his desk, he looked like he was going to say something to Trevor, but he seemed to change his mind.

That left Trevor alone in the break room, with just a few minutes left to eat his meal. He sighed quietly, spearing one of his wife's ravioli and popping it into his mouth.

It was ice cold.