Alphys' Modern Life: Camera Shy (Chapter 3)
A FEW SECONDS LATER...
"So, uhh...how do I look now?" Alphys sighed and blushed, crossing her arms behind her back and crossing her legs awkwardly as she nervously awaited Toriel's response; despite everything, her polka-dotted dress was still just that...a goofy polka-dotted dress.
"AWWWWW!" Toriel squeed with childlike joy, coverin her mouth with her paws like a little lop-eared bunny rabbit as she and Alphys walked lovingly out the door together, their excitement officially reaching full throttle while Undyne grabbed Papyrus from the guest bedroom and walked out the front door behind them.
"Oh boy, what's she going to do next?" Papyrus groaned, waking up groggily and rubbing his eyes.
"Oh, you'll see, pal, trust me!" Undyne laughed heartily, slapping Papyrus on the back so hard that he ended up accidentally spitting out his loose tooth.
A FEW MINUTES LATER, AT THE SKI RESORT IN SNOWDIN...
"Alright, so remember, guys, what did we just go over?" Sans asked his new students as they all filed together into a vast formation atop one of the Snowdin wilderness' tallest mountains.
"Rock-a-bye baby, rock-a-bye boo..." Toriel sang softly to Alphys as she comfortingly cradled her thickly bundled-up lizard body in her arms and rocked her gently back and forth, kissing her lovingly on the nose and nuzzling her just like how an actual mother would with her baby.
"MURR..." Papyrus and Undyne huddled together and murred, trying not to throw up from how sickeningly adorable this new Alphys X Toriel shipping was already turning out to be.
"Oh my freaking Christ, would you two PLEASE just PAY ATTENTION for once?!" Sans yelled frustratedly at them in a voice tone that sounded remarkably like Vinny from Vinesauce, pointing squarely at Alphys and Toriel as everyone in the crowd glared angrily at them.
"Oh, uh, sorry, we were just having a little...uhh...m-moment there! Ehehe!" Alphys chuckled and stammered awkwardly as Sans rolled his eyes irritatedly and continued his lecture.
"Okay, so-"
"Um, excuse me?" Alphys asked Sans nervously, raising her hand.
"WHAT?!" Sans yelled exhaustedly at her, beginning to lose his patience with her.
"Can I go to the bathroom, please?" Alphys asked, crossing her legs and squirming as she struggled to hold in her urine.
"YES..." Sans groaned.
"Um...can I...uh...watch her do it? For science?" Toriel giggled and stammered embarrassedly, blushing quite a bit as the crowd shot all kinds of weird and disturbed looks at her.
"FOR GOD'S SAKE, NO!" Sans yelled furiously at her, sticking his tongue out in disgust.
"Alright, look, guys, we've been over this a freaking ZILLION times, so PLEASE don't botch it up this time. When you spread your legs apart from each other, we call it Spread Eagle." Sans reluctantly explained, knowing very well that there were quite a few females in the audience.
"OOH...SPREAD EAGLE...OH BOY, I CAN'T WAIT TO GET ME SOME OF THAT..." Toriel thought hornily to herself as Alphys came back from the bathroom and cocked her eyebrow somewhat offendedly at Sans.
"Oh, and also, get this: when you bring your legs back together, we call it Erect Tower. And if you erect tower when you should spread eagle, you're gonna have a bad time!" Sans chuckled.
"Alright, now he's just f%# ing with us." Papyrus groaned, facepalming himself in second-hand embarrassment.
"Papyrus, for f%# 's sake, watch your goddamned LANGUAGE!" Undyne scolded him, smacking him upside the head with the handle of her ski (the left one, to be exact).
"Alright, so...last but not least, allow me to present the honorary outfits to our special guests; yes, I'm referring to YOU two, Alphys and Toriel!" Sans chuckled as he magically summoned a pair of aerodynamic, skintight ski suits out of thin air and levitated them over to their new owners.
"Wow, this is super-DUPER comfy! Heck, I think I'd even go as far as to say that it feels like I'm wearing NOTHING AT ALL!" Alphys smugly blushed and giggled as she wagged her plump little tail and shook her big fat booty (with the shape of her butt cheeks showing very clearly through the fabric) at Toriel, who reflexively cringed backward and shielded her eyes in response.
"God DAMN, she's so hot...I don't even know why, but she just is!" Sans and Undyne alike both meekly thought to themselves as the latter's nose began to bleed ever-so-slightly in arousal.
"Alright, everybody, get ready now! Ready...set...GO!" Sans signaled, laughing with delight as everyone took off screaming like a banshee straight down the slope of the mountain.
"Papyrus, do you ever feel like you were born at the wrong time?" Undyne asked Papyrus curiously as the two of them swerved, weaved and bobbed their way past numerous trees and rocks; luckily, the whole event was being recorded on television, so there was no need for a video camera here.
"What exactly do you mean by that statement, pardon my asking?" Papyrus asked her inquisitively as Toriel and Alphys raced their way past nearly every single contestant in the race, with him and Undyne struggling to even keep up as they jumped over several tree roots.
"I mean as in, like, do you ever wish that you were, like, born, like, earlier, when people, like, didn't, like, use Tumblr, like, so, like, much?" Undyne asked Papyrus in a very clearly mocking manner as the two of them ducked underneath several outstretched tree branches.
"I think I kinda sorta get where you're coming from here...so basically, you're saying that you feel like you should have been born earlier, when the Internet was...REAL?" Papyrus asked Undyne curiously as the two of them arranged themselves vertically together and slipped through a very large clearing in between the massive hordes of trees surrounding them.
"Yes...yes, I feel like I should have been born at a time when fandoms didn't freaking constantly sexualize and/or parodize literally every single goddamned thing about their subject matter so bloody much!" Undyne sighed somewhat angrily as she swerved over to the side of her and yanked the dangerously distracted Papyrus narrowly out of the way of yet another tree.
"So, you mean like...the 90s?" Papyrus asked Undyne somewhat puzzledly as the two of them began rapidly sprinting through the vast crowd of fast and furious competition in front of them.
"EARLIER...like...the EARLY 90s." Undyne sighed miserably, trying desperately to erase the results of her recent searches for herself on Google Images from her mind as her and Papyrus finally caught up to Alphys and Toriel, who were both firmly in the lead and neck-and-neck with each other at the moment; surely enough, the race was already rapidly approaching its end.
"Okay, Toriel, don't panic, remember what the INSTRUCTOR said!" Toriel thought nervously to herself as she swerved past several trees in a very shakily snaking motion, almost slipping and falling as she began to remember what Sans had previously warned her about.
"Remember, guys, if you ever get into trouble, all you need to do is-"
"Feels like I'm wearing...nothing at all, nothing at all, NOTHING AT ALL!" Toriel's mental projection of Alphys smugly teased her repeatedly, with her mind's eye zooming in closer and closer on the fat weeaboo lizard's smooth, plump and tender butt cheeks each time.
"GAHH!" Toriel cringed disgustedly in shock, completely oblivious to the fact that Alphys had literally just been thinking the exact same thing about her. "STUPID SEXY ALPHYS!"
"OH, DEAR GOD, MY LEGS! THIS IS THE WORST PAIN EVER!" Alphys and Toriel both screamed in unison as their legs split apart so hard that it actually hurt them, with numerous jagged rocks coming right up for their crotches.
"DOOF! D'OH! OW! OOF! OUCH! OH!" Alphys and Toriel yelled in pain as the rocks completely destroyed their pelvic regions and left the crowd making thousands of spread-eagle jokes behind them as the two of them fell flat on their faces and tumbled together into a massive snowball!
"Oh, geez, I didn't know that Sans was being so goddamned LITERAL when he talked about how our mistakes in this sport could eventually end up SNOWBALLING if we weren't careful enough!" Papyrus gasped in shock, leaping across a precariously large chasm of prickly thorn vines as he and Undyne chased fervently after the incredibly ginormous snowball.
"Well, for crying out loud, what ELSE would you expect from a pun-loving dickhead like him?!" Undyne sighed, facepalming at Papyrus' incredible ignorance and (to an extent) stupidity.
"Alright, I've got one side of this accursed thing, now grab the other!" Papyrus grabbed the left side of the snowball and commanded Undyne, who immediately followed suit and grabbed the right side.
"This oughta LIFT their spirits!" Papyrus chuckled sarcastically in rather mocking homage to his beloved brother Sans as he and Undyne worked together to lift the gigantic ball of snow up into the air...which, unfortunately enough for them, merely resulted in them being helplessly crushed underneath its sheer weight and effectively added onto its body count!
"Well, what can I say? Looks like this is just how those four ROLL...hehe..." Sans chuckled grimly as one of the local Snowdin interviewers asked him what he thought about the current disastrous situation that our so-called heroes had just recklessly gotten themselves into.
"WAAAUUUGGGHHH!" all four of them screamed for dear life as they finally reached the bottom of the mountain and hit a massive tree, breaking the snowball apart and sending them forcefully flying out in multiple directions while the competition shortly arrived behind them.
"What do you say about us NEVER doing that again?" Alphys asked Toriel dizzily and rather groggily, readjusting her glasses as she drunkenly (yes, drunkenly) stumbled back and forth.
"I assume that by that statement, you mean as in us never WINNING the annual skiing race again?" Toriel teased her as the awards manager handed her and Alphys (and Papyrus and Undyne) one golden, shining first-place trophy filled with $1,000 worth of gold each.
SHORTLY LATER, IN THE LODGE'S LOCKER ROOM, AFTER EVERYONE ELSE HAD LEFT...
"OHH, HONEY..." Alphys moaned with delight as she licked the thick, gooey layers of oozing, dripping honey off of Toriel's nasty, putrid, sweaty soles (yes, literally right after the goatmom had JUST removed her ski boots and poured almost half a cup of honey from her purse all over her feet).
"OOH, BABY..." Toriel moaned with pleasure as Alphys curled up into her loving arms and began loyally, unyieldingly drinking and slurping the delicious milk from each of her precious teats.
"Um, I have SEVERAL questions about the current predicament that these two are in right now...ahem...first of all, why are they both totally NAKED?" Papyrus asked Undyne curiously as the two of them shamelessly spied on Alphys' and Toriel's private sexual acts through the nearest window.
"Personally, I think a better question is why WOULDN'T they be?" Undyne snickered, patting Papyrus on the back reassuringly as her video camera recorded it all in glorious real-time.
A FEW HOURS LATER, AT THE LOCAL MTT AMUSEMENT PARK IN HOTLAND...
"Oh god, oh god, oh god, this was a really bad idea, THIS WAS A REALLY FREAKING BAD IDEA! How do I get out of this thing, HOW DO I GET OUT?! HELP ME! SOMEBODY, PLEASE HELP ME! ANYBODY! I'M FREAKING BEGGING YOU! LET ME OUT OF HERE! PLEASE!" Alphys stammered and shrieked in terror, squirming helplessly and trembling frantically in her seat as the roller coaster that she and Toriel were currently riding (which was titled as none other than the Aerostratus Freaking Skysmasher) went all the way up out of Mount Ebbott and even literally into outer space; so far, it was most definitely living up to its ridiculous name if anything.
"AND this is pretty much exactly how my marriage with Asgore went DOWN!" Toriel screamed for dear life at the top of her lungs, wanting to hug the just-as-loudly-screaming-and-terrified Alphys for comfort but sadly being unable to due to her incredibly airtight safety restraints as the cars of the coaster (that the two of them had foolishly chosen to take the front seats of) plummeted downward at maximum, spiraling, and did I forget to mention, terminal velocity!
"So, is that basically your method of describing EVERY incredibly disastrous and frakked-up thing that happens to you or something like that?" Alphys sighed and shrugged meekly, her skin and Toriel's alike already struggling to keep itself on their faces as the ride sent all of its passengers directly through upside-down loops, inversions, horizontal loops, upside-down hills, vertical and upside down bank turns, corkscrew loops, puberty, you name it...
until finally, over two whole minutes later, it FINALLY came to a stop.
"Pretty much!" Toriel chuckled as she scooped up the unconscious Alphys into her arms, smooched her lovingly on the cheek, and carried her off. "Aww, look at you, you love me so much that it literally caused you to black out!"