FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

The walk home was everything but pleasant. Because while the rain had stopped, the wind still pressed on, chilling the damp fox to his tiny bones. He was so angry that he had forgotten his sweater at home. Which was unusual, seeing as how the thing hardly ever left his body. It was only on days like today that he forgot such important items. Felix shrugged off the intrusive thoughts. He was done crying, and most of all, done with the day. Luckily, a distraction quickly emerged as the sun began to break through the clouds just as it started its descent. The fox couldn't help but stare off into the horizon, cherishing the pinkish tinge to the sky. There were very few things that Felix enjoyed in the world, but anything that had to do with art, natural, or artificial, he couldn't help gawking, and gawk he did, all the way to his doorstep..

Creaking was the door as the fox pushed it open, bringing to life the dark and once quiet apartment. Squish, squish, went his hind-paws on the worn wooden floors. The fox sighed and shut the door promptly behind him, flicking up the light switch to illuminate the space and complete the resurrection. He then stood there for a moment, spacing out once again, examining the area around him. His apartment really wasn't all that bad. He had a nice living area just off to his left with a couch and a flat screen television that hardly ever was used. A small dining area diagonal to that, and a kitchen just beyond the table and chairs. You know, the ones with nice tile floors, which were cold to the fox's feet as he dripped his way over to the fridge and propped it open staring into the almost barren shelves. He really should eat.. But he wont.

Clunk went the fridge door, and away went the fox, towards his den. The one place he felt safe, and secure. Down the hall, and to the left, just past the thermostat. Which he absolutely had to stop at, setting the temperature to a much cozier number. Almost perfect. Now to get rid of the clothes..

One by one, each article came off, leaving a nice trail to his bedroom door, y'know, in case he got lost. First was the shirt. Splat. Right on the floor. Next were the jeans, and panties, which he wiggled himself out of and kicked at the wall with a thud. He began to hum to himself now, dancing about and having a very sudden change in mood. His tail swayed to the beat he created. A very innocent, adorable sight. As he entered his dark bedroom he frowned a bit, looking over to his desk where the computer sat. It was the only source of light he allowed in. What a mess.. There were sketches and half finished drawings all over the place, books stacked almost to the ceiling, and green tea cans galore. That would need to get cleaned up.. But first, he needed to get cleaned up.

Felix made his way over to the closet beyond his bed and quickly snatched out something much more comfortable, and drier to wear. Then it was off to the shower, towel in paw. Click. Door locked. Hiss. Shower on. Lovely.

As he waited for the water to warm up now, the fox glanced over at himself in the mirror, examining his body thoroughly. He was so skinny. Way under weight for his height of five foot three. His fur was damp, but still just as beautiful as ever. Such warm waves of gold, kissed with white, glowing so bright within the light. With a long, full head of hair, the purest of black. Absolutely flawless.

...Truly, a beautiful creature...

To Felix however, he was anything but desirable. He shrugged it off and looked away, pushing attention towards the shower as he stepped in and let the water wash over his fur, encompassing him in a blanket of warmth. He closed his eyes and murred, standing there and letting himself slip off into his over active imagination. It was only there that he ever felt truly at ease.

There he stood, bathing in the rain of a stormy sky. Only this time, there was no wind, it wasn't cold, and he wasn't crying. He was smiling, staring up and watching as the slithering snakes of light made their way along the clouds. No thunder. Just a beautiful light show. He began to think back about his younger days, much happier days, filled with joy and make believe. If anything ever were to explain this fox's creativity, it would most definitely be his imagination. He began to hear his friend's laughs, see their faces, it was so refreshing. He could smell the aroma of a freshly cooked meal his mother whipped up. It tantalized him, carried him up, up and away. Life was good again.

...Until it wasn't...

Comfort was something that Felix loved, and hated. It was a complicated relationship. Because as he allowed himself to relax further, it only allowed his defensive wall to fall over. He began to think back now about the day's previous events. His reason for crying.. Most people think that bullying stops when you leave high school, but it's such a common misconception. It only gets worse. Much worse. Felix was a very geeky, feminine, free spirited individual. Unfortunately, because of his homosexuality, he ran into some not so pleasant people. It was something he struggled with from high school on, and Felix wasn't the type of guy to fight back. He never yelled or even argued. He just ran away. Refusing to ever stand up for himself. Fearful of conflict.

Having just finished one of his most taxing exams; English Literature. Felix was so relieved. Finally, a break. He exited the classroom, shoulders back, snout up, feeling accomplished. Life was great. He was sure he'd get an A. Hell, he studied all week for it. Down the hall he went, headphones in, music blaring. This was his time now. He made his way around the hallway bend, exiting into the courtyard and towards the front. Almost free. Winter break, here I come. He was like a missile, gliding off to its pre-determined destination. That destination being home. Unfortunately he was so caught up in his trajectory, that he failed to see rather large individual right before him.

OOF!

Felix and the immovable object collided, sending the fox back a few steps. He quickly popped out his ear buds and smiled awkwardly. "So sorry. I didn't me-" Unfortunately, before he could finish, the large object, which just so happened to be a very angry lion, lost his mind. "Watch where the fuck you're going fag!" Felix squeaked, and his heart sank. No matter how used to that word he got, it always hurt just as bad. He tried to speak with a shaky voice. "I-I'm sorry I-" But the lion would have none of it. "What? Were you trying to cop a feel?"

...As if...

"N-No, I swear. I was just in a hurry. I'm sorry." Felix croaked out, fighting back the inevitable waterworks. The lion then did something truly terrible. He shoved Felix back, and right onto the ground. "Keep the fuck away from me, you disgusting freak." The last statement he heard, which echoed in his head, louder than ever before as he tumbled back down to earth. When he came to, once again, he was bawling his eyes out, leaning up against the shower wall, heaving. It wasn't fair. It really wasn't. Why was he such a horrible person for loving a male? Was he really a disgusting freak?.. He began to consider ending it all.. What was the point? But just then, like an angel in disguise, Felix heard a sound he'd never heard from within his own apartment before.

...The door bell...

He squeaked, slowly peeking out of the curtain, investigating the strange noise. Was someone really at his door? Sure enough, there it went again, the faint ring heard from over the roaring sound of his shower. He quickly slapped off the water and stepped out of the tub, grabbing hold of his towel and wrapping it around himself. Someone was at his door.. A visitor.. There to see him. There was no way. It had to be a prank. In fact, he was so confident that it were a prank, that he went right to the door, in nothing but a towel, and flung it open.

"Hey Felix." Said a voice he swore he had heard before. To his surprise, it wasn't a prank. Oh no. There he was standing, practically naked in front of a guy he barely knew. In a split second decision, Felix squealed and threw shut the door, right in the dog's face. Kaiser chuckled to himself and sighed afterwards, talking to the fox who had gone from a nice toasty gold, to a tomato red in a matter of seconds. "I'm guessing you don't always answer the door like that?" Felix growled under his breath, for once letting the sarcasm fly right over his head. He was so embarrassed. Who just shows up unannounced like that?.. More importantly.. Why did he? How did he?...

Whatever, all he knew is there was a guy standing at his door and he was indecent. "Just a moment please!" The fox said before running off to slip on some clothes.

Kaiser just stood there patiently, looking up at the starry night sky. The walk there took much longer than he anticipated. Practice was surely over by now, and he was in for it come next week.. Beyond the door, the canine's ears picked up on all of the little noises. Some stumbling and fumbling. A few obscenities. He smirked. He really caught this guy off guard.. Not that it was a big deal to him. He'd seen plenty of naked males before.

Finally, the door swung open, and there stood Felix. This time, not as wet, and much more comfortable looking. He had on a pair of black athletic shorts, and a baggy dark grey hoody. Kaiser never really saw it before, but wow he was tiny! The poor fox was practically consumed by his own clothes. He quickly commented. "Y'know I coulda' swore there was a fox here a second ago.. Now all I see is a pile of laundry!"

Felix felt his cheeks burning, but he couldn't help from breaking out into a smile. This dog knew just how to do that to him..

...How unusual...

"Call me crazy, but I'd say you're either really good at playing the guessing game, or you followed me home.. How on earth did you find my apartment?" He said with light concern. He really didn't mind the company.

Kaiser then pulled out something from his pocket that looked seemingly familiar. His wallet.. "Call it a hunch." The shepherd said with a grin as he tapped it against the fox's chest. Felix's eyes widened. How in the world did he lose that? Kaiser must've read his mind though, because before he could ask, the dog spoke up. "I'm guessing it fell out of your pocket when you took your tumble. Thankfully, your knight in shining armor was there." He said this last part with such confidence, his paws on his hips. It was so adorable. Felix just stood there in the doorway clutching the leather wallet to his chest. "Thank you so much.. Did you walk all this way? You must be parched. Please, come inside." There it was.. The sensitive, caring heart.

...My one true weakness...

Kaiser shrugged the gratitude off, but happily obliged the fox's invitation, following him inside promptly and shut the door. "It was nothing really.. I got the exercise I needed.. Without practice." At this point the fox was already in the kitchen, pouring Kaiser a glass of water. Upon hearing the statement, he felt his heart skip a beat. Did he just say he skipped practice?.. For him? "Kaiser.. Please tell me you didn't just put off practice to bring me my wallet." The dog shrugged again and smirked. "Okay, I wont." Felix grumbled. He finally knew what sarcasm felt like on the receiving end. Kaiser could clearly see the fox's upset, and followed his statement with reassurance. "Hey, look, it's not a big deal. One day isn't going to kill me, and I think you having your money, ID, and other personal information is kinda more important.."

Felix was stunned. It wasn't so much by the dog's words, but more so by the feeling he got.. Was someone else actually being nice to him? Considering him? This is way too crazy to be true...

Felix quickly made his way over to his guest, handing over one of the glasses of water and sitting down beside him at the dining table. "I really can't thank you enough Kaiser.. I just hope you don't get into too much trouble over it."

The dog was indeed parched, because before he said another word, he made sure to chug down the water, firmly setting it to the table with a thunk. "Aw c'mon, you kidding? Coach Vernon loves me. I can't get into trouble." He said this confidently, so he obviously knew what he was talking about. Felix really didn't press the issue too much further. Instead, he took a sip of water, and changed the subject.

For a good while they just shot the breeze, getting to know each other, discussing classes and hobbies.. Then Felix finally decided to take the conversation in a new direction. "So tell me something Kaiser.. What's a guy like you doing playing for a school like CCU?" Kaiser almost immediately broke eye contact. There it was, that touchy subject that caused the shepherd to get all flustered. "This was the only school my parents would pay for.. If I had it my way I'd be going to a much larger name.. But my dad just doesn't seem to have confidence I'll make it far." Felix knew he hit a nerve. He could hear it in Kaiser's voice. It was familiar..

...It was sadness...

Felix felt the dog's pain, much more than he knew. He frowned, feeling the thoughts crawling out of the abyss that was the back of his mind. "I know what that feels like you know.. When someone doesn't believe in you. It hurts. Because deep down you know you can do so much more than what they give you credit for, but without them giving you a chance to prove it, how can you?" That was deep.. Hopefully not too deep. Kaiser seemed to agree however. He nodded his head quietly, just pondering the words for a moment before speaking up. "Sometimes you just gotta keep pushing through the bad though. You know? You just gotta find the good out there and hold onto it for as long as you can." Wow.. This conversation was actually going in a direction Felix never imagined. His realm. He felt comfortable.

"I can appreciate that outlook.. I just wonder.. What happens when you keep pushing and pushing, and nothing good ever comes?" The dog pondered the question for a moment, leaning back in the wooden chair that creaked slightly. He was surprisingly intelligent for a guy who looked like his entire life consisted of athleticism.. After awhile, the silence once again broke. "You push harder." Those three words were all he said, but the seemingly simple statement was actually very powerful. Kaiser was such a positive individual. It was nice to be around positivity for a change. More than anything, it was nice to talk to someone.. Felix couldn't help it. His emotions suddenly boiled up inside him, and before he could catch it, his eyes welled up with tears.

"Shit. Don't let him see!" He thought to himself as he sniffled and stood up, grabbing the empty glass from before Kaiser and rushing off to the kitchen fighting it off. "Here let me get you some more." He said with a shaky voice. Kaiser wasn't buying it. He frowned and stood up, following the fox and standing in the doorway of the kitchen, propping one arm up on the wall. Felix just stood there at the sink with his back to the shepherd, fighting hard to keep himself from losing control. "Hey.. You're crying again.. What's wrong?" Again?.. But how did he..?

Felix turned around slowly, staring right up into those deep blue eyes as a tear escaped and ran down his face. No. Not now. "I didn't wanna say anything earlier because I felt like I'd embarrass you or something.. But.. I kinda could tell you had been upset over something.." He was right. Felix hated that. He just continued to stand there, lip trembling. He felt so stupid. He barely even knew this guy, yet here he was, like an emotional train wreck, struggling not to let him see.. Unfortunately, the next question he received completely broke him. "Do you want a hug?"

It was then that Felix finally let go.. He walked right over to that big German shepherd and squeezed him so tight it hurt. He squeezed with all his might. And as the warm embrace of another being took him in, soothing him to his core, the defensive walls once again fell down..

...And he cried...