No Fur No Fun PT.12 Film
The life of a lie we tell ourselves is only as long as the pain we wish to dismiss but truth always has power to set us free, that might be one of the few most important things that stuck with me from film class. Some of the greatest films have a protagonist who from the beginning will tell themselves the same lie time and time again so that they might be able to move forward, but its only at the end that they realize the truth would have brought more peace . In truth life acts the same way sometimes , we lie to ourselves so that we might feel better because we don't know what will happen if and or when we embrace the truth.
Winter break was to be four weeks, four weeks back home with my mom and dad and time to see my friends. Its strange how you don't realize how many friends you have until you need them. Nothing against my parents but to come home and only see them would a bit of a wasted opportunity to see people I haven't seen since graduation. But I didn't have many people to call.
Week one of break was slow. With little to no one to visit or hang out with I was forced to stay home. There is nothing worse than having your mother ask you "why don't you go hang out with your friends today" and your only possible response being a sad reply of "I don't have any friends to hang out with".
There was always Brad and Bianca but my parents weren't to comfortable about me seeing them. In high school the most my parents knew about what the three of us had going on was that they were not the best influences on me. I remember feeling my moms eyes burning holes in the back of my head as she watched me walk down the block with Brad and Bianca. But despite everything even I couldn't call them my friends, we were something else entirely. I'm ashamed I went a week without telling them I was back in town. After being split apart for so long I hesitated seeing ether of them because of an almost fear of awkward vibes you get when you see someone for the first time in a long time.
It was almost Christmas and I had spent a week and a half at home. No calls no text not even an email came my direction. I thought for sure my new college roommates would at least text me but it just goes to show how little we had connected during my time at school. I will admit to getting a few texts from Chip. His only concern with seemed to be weather or not I'd seen some viral video of someone from school. It was of someone walking through campus high or drunk beyond their limit rambling about how he hated himself. The video itself was sad but of course the Internet took a lot of things out of context and made it into a catchy song. In the end you couldn't even see who the guy was , and the only thing you remember is the music they played over his rant.
I was even more surprised not to get a text or call from Mason. I thought to myself maybe I waited to long not to answer his calls , especially since they seemed to no longer be coming. I was ready to just put our fight behind us. My thought was that over the break Mason would realize he should come out , but so far I was realizing that coming out wasn't something he could rush. Sure I still wasn't happy with being hidden away like a skeleton in the closet but Mason and I felt like a good match and I didn't want to loose him. I always hated how In movies or TV people fall in love but you never really know why but I new why I loved Mason. It wasn't just because of the sex , which was great, or how good he looked, it went deeper than that. I loved how after we had sex he would hold me and purr in way that made me feel safe. It makes me laugh how even though nine times out of ten his apartment would be a mess he would still be high strung about how things looked to the point of nagging me like my mom. We both love making fun of old cliche movies. The way we can talk about anything for hours without ever being board of one another. And he's half lion half dragon how could that not be a turn on, its terrifying but still.
With only two days left before Christmas Hail Prairie, my neighborhood, was covered in snow and I decided that would be the day to get out of the house. I woke up late in the morning almost afternoon around eleven. I got dressed, and headed down stairs. I could hear my dads workout music coming from the garage and something sweet coming from the kitchen. Sure enough, my dad was doing his usual preChristmas workout and my my mom was baking for the family we would have over for the next few days.
My dad being the fitness fanatic he is has always strive to keep in shape but around the holidays is the only time he isn't on a diet or strict workout plan. To prepare for the days in which he knows he will undoubtedly stuff himself with food he works out almost none stop for up until the point when guests start to arrive. He runs in the snow , lifts weights, and even has an obstacle course set up in our back yard since it extends out into the woods.
My mom on the other hand, even though she tends to keep up with my dad, is the source of all things sweat . She becomes a contestant on a cooking show making dishes for days to feed a small group of people one day. She makes so much food that we started telling the homeless shelter to pick up food the days after major holidays.
But those are just my family's traditions. My dad works out till he cant stand and my mom makes enough food to feed an army of men. I never really stopped to think whats the thing that I do , whats my overly done tradition. But I suppose It be regulating my mom and dad. I keep my mom from making so much food we cant pay the light bill for the month. And as my dad got older I made sure to keep him from working out like he was still in his twenty's, or at the very least I tried to.
I made my way to the kitchen where it was a clear culinary war zone. My mom had 3 cakes in the oven and was whisking batter for what what I assumed would be brownies.
Josh- morning mom
Martha- morning, honey its almost afternoon , I was starting to wonder If you'd ever wake up
Josh- yea I guess I was out for a while , but hey I felt like going out today so...
Martha- well thank heavens, I was beginning to think you were turning into a shut in
Josh- ha , yea well I wanted to go see my ... friend, but I need your car
Martha- who's this friend, is it a girl
Josh- no mom
Martha- so its a boy , that's alright too but, remember honey only one road offers the chance of mama being a grandma
Josh- what , mom no , he's just a friend, that's all
Martha- of course I'm not telling you to go and get any old mule pregnant, a nice girl with a pretty smile
Josh- mom
Martha- or a boy , a boy is fine to , you know I love you no matter which way you go
Josh- mom , please can I just have your car keys so I can go
Martha - afraid not honey, I need my car so I can go get more eggs later, ask your dad if you can take his car
Josh- alright
I left the kitchen and walked to the back yard through the back door in the living room. My dad was in the garage running on a treadmill. He was covered in sweat running strong. He had a chant he would say under his breath "I am the mountain and I am the tide" no one knows where it came from but its like his work out mantra. I tried not to get to close , with how hard he was running his sweat was flying everywhere.
Josh- Dad
He didn't hear me so I raised my voice.
Josh- Dad
Again no response. I noticed he had an earpiece in and was listening to something.
I raised my voice one more time.
Josh- Dad
Martha- Joseph
Before I could hear my own voice I heard my mom yell from the kitchen at my dad and off she got his attention. He slowly stopped the treadmill and got off it taking his ear peace out as well.
Joseph- what is it son
Josh- can I use your car to go see a friend
Joseph- a friend, is this a girl friend
Josh- dad please can we not , I just had this conversation with mom
We both laughed.
Joseph- you haven't driven a car in a while
Josh- I know but my friend is just down the street
He gave me grunt and a raised eyebrow as he scratched his chin. I had to look away for a moment as sweat started to drip from his face enough to form a pool of it on the concrete of the garage.
Joseph- alright
He reached into his pocket and tossed me his car keys and along with it a wave of sweat. I caught the keys and felt the sweat hit my face. I clenched up as I felt it role down my face and my dad got back to his work out.
Josh- thanks
After washing my face I left and was on my way to Brad's house. I knew If I'd told my parents where I was going they'd rather me stay home but I need to get out of the house . I needed to see someone other than my mom and dad, someone I could talk to without feeling I need to censor myself.
Back in high school we would all hang out at Bianca's house which was just around the corner from my parent's place. Brads house was a last resort for a hanging out spot. He and his family lives in what some might call the bad part of town. His family had money and their house proved it but Bell Fields is not a nice place. There are two kinds of people who live in Bell Fields, those who want a cheap place to live so they can save their money, and those who need a cheap place to live because they cant save their money. Its still just as nice a place to live as anywhere else in town if you only look at the houses themselves but its the people who make it dangerous.
Pulling into his driveway I felt eyes watching me from people sitting out in front of their houses.
An unknown phenomenon is why you tend to see so many furs that you'd think to be harmless kind people in Bell Fields. You rarely see a wolf , lion, or tiger but there are plenty rabbits and foxes. And no amount of cute cotton tails and whiskers is enough to make the fear of imminent danger go away.
I was sitting in my car waiting for a good moment to get out when out of nowhere Brad taped on my window. I rolled down the window.
Brad- why are you just sitting in my driveway
Josh- I was about to come inside
Brad- I saw you when you pulled up , you've been out here for almost ten minutes
Josh- I was .... putting on my jacket
Brad- it took you ten minutes to put on a jacket.... so that you could get out of your car and walk inside my house
Josh- yea
Brad- whatever man , are you coming inside or not
I got out of my car and followed Brad into his house as quickly as I could while still trying to hide my discomfort. We made our way down stairs to the basement which seemed to be converted into a bedroom.
Brad- they moved me down here so they could use my bed room as a guest room
Josh- yea my mom and dad turned my room into an office when I went to school , I'm sleeping in the guest room of our house
He threw himself onto his bed face up crossing his arms and his legs as he looked up at some poster on the ceiling.
Brad- yea well anyway did you talk to Bianca yet
Josh- I haven't had a chance to
That was a lie , I could have talked to her at anytime but I didn't because I didn't want to be in the middle of their fight.
Brad- come on Josh , I really need your help , your supposed to be my dog
Josh- I thought you were gonna stop calling me that
Brad- I never agreed to that , but Josh don't you want the trio back together
Josh- I do, I just ...
Brad- what is it does it have something to do with the lion guy
I didn't answer.
Brad- that's a yes , what he do
Josh- nothing, he didn't do anything
Brad- he must have done something
Josh- he didn't.... I did
He sat up in his bed and looked at me.
Brad- what you do
Josh- I pressured him to come out , to stop hiding that he was seeing me, but it wasn't for me to try to push him into something like that , I should have been patient, we still had fun without ever having to leave his apartment
Brad- look Josh Ill level with you , I don't give a shit about this guy I really don't , what I do care about is Bianca so I think you should just say fuck him and move on
Josh- how is that leveling with me
Brad- I'm being honest, he's just some guy ,and he's not even human how long did you think things were going to last
Josh - he's not just some guy
Brad- whatever Josh , the important part is that I really need you to get over this guy and talk to Bianca for me , all of this stuff with the lion is just extra, I told you to find someone to occupy your time but you weren't supposed to forget who you belong to
It was then that I realized I really was just a dog to Brad. He only tolerated my being near him so that he could use me to amuse himself and fix his problems. I started to replay every conversation and every moment shared with him. I assumed that because our relationship was special to me it was special to him but time and time again he made it clear he didn't care. I fooled myself into believing there was something there for so long and I guess it took going away and coming back in order for me to realize it.
Josh- I don't belong to you
Brad- I didn't mean it like that
Josh- I think you did
Brad- Josh , your my dog , your supposed to be loyal... to me
Josh- and do what you say?
He waited a moment before he said anything.
Brad- yes