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Spring has always been a strange time for me. It seems like if something is going to change, it starts to do so in the spring. I hadn't been growing antlers for too many years, but the sudden appearance of fuzzy lumps on the top of my head never really helped the feeling.

Mom was having more good days; sometimes two or three in a row. It was nice during those days because life seemed at least a little normal. Dad wasn't as angry and there was more light in the house with the drapes pulled open. I even spent a hand full of days at home instead of with Jude because it was such a nice feeling being in the house with everyone again. I considered having Jude come visit, if only for a few hours, just so he could meet my family when they were the family I knew way back when. I think they would have liked him. Maybe even accepted him. Accepted us.

But, I'm getting ahead of myself. At the end of May, after a streak of several good days, my aunt decided that it was time for her to go back to her own home, and that my mom was doing well enough that we would be able to take care of her. I was kind of glad to have her gone. I didn't really interact with her very much, but having her around the house constantly when I had a big secret I was trying to keep, always put me a little on edge; one less person snooping around was a good thing. So, with all the hugs and goodbyes of an estranged family trying to pretend they were normal, she drove off into the distance with her car packed up with everything she had brought all those months ago.

I could sense the unease in the entire family as we stood in the driveway. She wouldn't have left us if she didn't think we could handle it, right? As we all quietly returned back to the house, I stopped and looked at the little clump of muddy ice that had once been a rather large pile of snow off of our driveway. My antlers hurt. They always hurt when they were about to have a growth spurt. It wasn't a sharp pain, but more like a dull roaring headache, just enough to distract me. My dad always said I was just whining, but I thought it was a warning sign of bad things happening. I shook my head and walked back into the house.

The next week passed, and my mom had some bad days, but nothing too dramatic. She had started cooking again, and a hollow sense of normalcy spread into my life again. She seemed quieter, even on her good days. I always thought it was because she didn't know what to do now that she wasn't homeschooling us anymore. She had asked if we wanted to leave the school, but my sister had made a new set of friends, and I had Jude, so we both lied and said we'd think about it over the summer.

With summer finally here, and no school to worry about, I was able to spend a lot of time with Jude. I fell more in love with him every day. When I wasn't around him, he was constantly on my mind. When I was with him, he was all I could think about.

We had gotten good at keeping our closeness hidden. In school it was easy since we didn't have any classes, so it made sense that we hung out a lot at home. But, seeing each other every day, all day would send up some red flags. So, we came up with projects and things that would explain why we would be around each other so much (particularly for sleep overs). Lots of dumb things, like making rafts to float on the lake that never stood the chance of staying above the water, or making funny videos with sock puppets for online. We even wrote a play and rehearsed it for days (The secret kissing scenes at night were my favorite). But, we managed to be together without any suspicion from anyone.

That didn't mean that I didn't have my moments when I thought we'd be found out. When you're hiding something like that, you get a little jumpy.

I unlocked the door and closed it behind me. I stood there, listening to the house to see where everyone was, and to judge if it was a good day or a bad day. The hallway was silent. Not a good day.

I tip toed through the hall and up the stairs, listening for any clues to where anyone was. I made it to my room, and still nothing. I closed my door and tossed my backpack on the bed. I unzipped it and pulled out my clothes from the day before. I held them to my nose and gave a sniff. They smelled like Jude.

I stood there for I don't know how long, missing my fox, before opening my eyes and realizing that I still hadn't heard anyone in the house, which, even on a bad day, was unusual. I placed the clothes in my hamper and peeked my head out the door.

My parents' bedroom was open, and so were my sister's and the guest room. I crept down the stairs, and peered into the living room. No one. Then the dining room, and kitchen. Still empty. I looked outside, but both yards were still. My antlers pulsed in pain.

"Dad?" I yelled out, my voice cracking. "Mom?"

I started poking my head into rooms again, feeling my heartbeat quicken. Where was everyone? I checked my phone. No calls or messages. I checked the basement, and the closets, wondering if they were playing a prank on me.

"This isn't funny," I said, nervously laughing as I quickly walked through the house again. The lights were still on, so they hadn't left. Or had they? I ran to the garage; Dad's car was gone.

My head started spinning. Where could they have gone? A thousand horrible situations flashed through my mind, as I tried to calm myself down.

"Darrick, you're overreaching," I said out loud to myself as I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. "They probably just went out for lunch and forgot to tell you. You didn't tell them you'd be home early. That's all."

My shaking hand betrayed my calm words. I took a deep breath and pulled out my phone again. I thumbed through my contacts and clicked on my dad. As it rang, I tried to remember the last time I talked to my dad on the phone. I remembered yelling.

I heard something upstairs and I bolted. His cellphone was ringing in the bedroom; he was just taking a nap or something. I looked in the room. The phones screen glowed in the darkness, sitting on an undisturbed bed.

"Fuck." I said, hanging up the call. "Calm down," I told myself again, turning around and walking down the stairs with shaking legs. What if they had found out about me and Jude, and had left me? Would they do that? What if they were getting someone to come and take me away? Does that even happen? Dad said "Poof". What does that mean? Is this the "Poof"?

I tried my sister next. The rings seemed very long.

"You've reached the voice mail box of-" I hung up and clicked on my mom's name.

"You've reached the-" I hung up again, no longer able to hide my fear. I sat down at the dining room table.

My thumb flicked to Jude's name. I stared at it until my phone screen went black. I wanted him by my side. But then he'd know about my family; about my unhappy life. I felt trapped.

I didn't even realize that I had gotten into my car. I shook my head and realized that I was driving. Where was I driving? I didn't recognize the road. I slammed on the breaks and pulled off onto the side. My heart was racing. I didn't know where I was or where anyone was. I didn't know where to even start. I started cycling through the call list again, getting nothing but voice mail.

"Hey, can you call me back? Where are you guys?" I left on my sister's phone.

I sat in the car, feeling broken and lost. Tears started pouring from my eyes. I turned off the car and thought about curling up in the back seat, but I knew it wouldn't do anything to help. So I closed my eyes and felt the tears drip down my fur.

It was so quiet in the car. There was no wind that day, and the strange neighborhood was eerily still. I wanted to be with Jude. He would make me feel better. If I could just figure out where I was, I could find my way to his house. I opened my eyes and turned the car back on. I wiped my face with my hand, and started to turn back into the road, just as a big black SUV swerved around me. It slammed on its breaks, and the passenger door opened. A young deer's head popped out. It was my sister.

I threw my car in park, grabbed my keys, and jumped out of my door running up to my dad's car.

"Darrick? What are you doing out here?" she asked, more alarm in her voice than I was expecting.

"Me? What are you doing out here? No one was home. I tried calling all of you!"

"You did?" she said, pulling her phone out of her pocket and seeing several call notifications. "Opps. Well, get in; mom's missing."

"What?" I said, feeling my stomach sink like a rock.

"Just get in, I'll explain as we drive." Hey eyes looked tired. "I'm really scared."

"Ok," I said, opening the door and getting in. We were driving before I even had the door shut.

"What happened?" I asked.

My sister looked at my dad, then turned to look at me. "We don't really know. Mom said she was going for a walk, and just left and never came back."

"When?" I asked.

"This morning. A few hours ago. We've been driving around hoping to find her."

"Did you call the cops?"

My sister glanced at my dad again. "Yes. But they said we'd have to wait twenty-four hours until she was considered a missing person. And Dad sort of yelled at them. A lot."

"Well, did you tell them she's depressed?" I asked my sister, getting more frustrated.

"We don't talk about those things." My dad said coldly. His eyes never broke from the road.

"But, if they knew she-"

"No. Those are private issues that don't need to be told to the entire world." His voice rose in anger.

"But it would help!" My voice rose too.

"DO NOT ARGUE WITH ME ON THIS," he yelled, making my sister and I flinch. "We will find her, and we will bring her home, even if it takes all night."

"Or all week, right Daddy?" my sister asked.

I saw his eyes flick to the young deer in the seat next to him. He gave a quick, stiff nod.

My stomach tensed up as I realized that Jude's birthday was in two days. We needed to find my mom before then. I wasn't going to miss it.

I rolled down the tinted window and scanned every yard and alley we passed, looking for her. The car was silent.

Hours passed, and still no sign of her. As my dad pulled up to a gas station to fill up our almost empty tank, he finally spoke. "It's going to be dark soon. We've been all around town twice now, and we haven't seen her. I think we need to head home, get some rest, and start looking again in the morning."

He filled up the tank, we went home to an empty house, and we went to our rooms.

'I love you' I texted Jude. I waited for a response. He never was quick to respond. 'I can't wait to see you tomorrow.'

I laid on my bed in the darkness of my room, and felt the world crash on top of me. I felt my phone slip out of my hand, and then the darkness turned to sleep.

The next morning was just as quiet. Dad made us some eggs quick, and we got in his car.

"Dad?" I asked.

He looked up into the rear view window.

"Can you drop me off by my car? Maybe if we split up, we'd have a better chance of finding her."

He flicked on his blinker and made a turn at the next intersection.

As I watched the SUV drive off from my cold, dew covered car, I tried to keep my breakfast down. I wanted to find my mom, but I wanted to be with Jude more. The split feeling made me sick. I drove off, and started meandering through the maze of streets. It was a little past 7am. I had plans to be with Jude at noon, before his parents got home. I needed my mom to turn up before then. But what if she didn't?

My antlers pulsed again, and I shook my head. 'We will find her,' I told myself.

My eyes were constantly scanning to anything moving or tan colored. The hours ticked passed, and still no sign of her.

At 11am, my phone rang. I picked up. It was my sister telling me that Dad and she were at the police station putting in the missing person's report. They had stopped by home, but they could tell my mom hadn't been there. She said they'd be at the station for a while.

"Ok. I'll just keep driving around. Keep me updated." I hung up the phone. There was a lump in my throat as I turned and started driving to Jude's house.

My body was numb. I couldn't believe that I was picking Jude over my own mother. But, she didn't feel like my mother anymore. My mother had left a long time ago when my grandmother died. She had been replaced with something else; a shell. My eyes welled up as I thought about it. I just needed Jude. I needed to be in his arms at that moment. I needed to see a happy life. I needed to leave this one behind.

I parked a block away from Jude's house and turned off my car. I began bawling. I couldn't control myself anymore. All of the emotion for the last 24 hours just shot out of my face. My head rested on the steering wheel as the tears fell into my lap. I was betraying my family. But my family had betrayed me. It was their fault that I had to keep Jude a secret. It was their fault I was too embarrassed to bring him home; the one person in the world that made me love life. I never wanted to see them again. I just wanted to move into Jude's room and be truly happy forever.

I sniffled and looked up at the clock. 11:47. I tried to dry the fur on my face, and gripped the steering wheel. I yelled the loudest 'FUCK' I could muster at the top of my lungs, started up the car, and pulled up to Jude's house.

I walked up to the door, and was instantly met by a smiling fox and a sweet kiss on the lips. Everything melted away as my hands slid around his sides and pulled his body close. I was home.