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'Dear Jude,

_'I hope this letter finds you well. I wanted to apologize for the last time I saw you. I didn't mean to run off like that. Something came up, and I didn't know what to do, so I ran. I miss you. Not a minute goes by when I don't think of you. I want to see your smile again. It's been two weeks. Or, I think it has. It feels like longer. _

_'I'm not very good at writing letters. But, you deserve an explanation. I don't really know where to start. I should probably tell more about my family first. _

_'My family is not healthy. My grandmother got really sick last year, and my mom wasn't able to homeschool me anymore, which is why I ended up going to public school and meeting you. Well, last winter, she died, and my mom took it really, really hard. She stopped eating, and my aunt had to move in to help take care of her. I'm sorry that I never told you. I didn't mean to keep secrets; I just didn't want my burdens to become yours. I guess they sort of did anyway. _

_'Well, my whole family pretty much fell apart at that point. My dad got really mean and distant, and with my mom living as a ghost, I found salvation with you. That's why I wanted to stay over so much. And also why you never got to come over. You would hate it there. It was a prison. There was no joy. I hate it there. I hate my family. _

_'Now comes a secret that I'm most afraid to tell you. My hand is shaking as I write this. I hope you can forgive me, but I will understand if you don't. Two days before your birthday, my mom went missing. My dad and my sister looked everywhere for her. I did a little too. But, as I was driving around, I realized that I just didn't care. All I could think about was being with you. My family would never accept me like you did. I was hunting for the warden of my own prison with the devil to my own hell. And you were my escape. So, I stopped looking. I stopped looking for my mom. And I ran to you. _

'My mom is dead. They found her body in the river. They think she jumped. That call was my dad telling me that. I could have saved her, Jude. I could have stopped her. I hope you can forgive me. I know I cannot forgive myself. I feel like a monster. I don't feel like I deserve to live anymore. I don't know what to do.

_'When I got home, my dad had lost it. He was throwing things in the house, yelling. My sister had barricaded herself in her room. I didn't stand a chance. He beat me when I walked in the door. I'm ok now, but the bruises are still tender. I think my nose might be broken. I'm not really sure. I haven't gotten up the courage to look in a mirror yet. _

'I miss you. I miss your arms around me.

'Everything hurts. Even my thoughts hurt. I want to feel pain. I'm glad I hurt.

'We only stayed in the house for another night. My dad told us to pack up and we were leaving in the morning. We didn't know what he meant, but we did anyway. He took our phones, and ripped apart the computer, so I haven't been able to contact you. I'm so sorry. I didn't even get to say goodbye. Had I known...

_'I don't know where we are now. A town called Vista, I think. We are in a weird motel right now, but my dad said something about finding an apartment that didn't ask questions. I'm really scared, Jude. My dad isn't well. And we don't know how to protect ourselves. My sister tried to run away a few days ago, and he almost broke her arm. _

_'He is beyond reason. He mumbles to himself in his sleep about this being a test. He is always around. I have to write this in the bathroom in little chunks so he doesn't know. _

_'I wish you were here with me. Well, not here. Just with me. Away from all of this. Don't worry about replying to this. He can't know I'm talking to anyone. I'm not sure what would happen if he found out we are more than just friends. Or, we were. If we still are after I told you my secrets. _

_'I miss your kisses. I love you, Jude. I hope you still love me. _

_ _

'Love, always and forever,

'Darrick'

_ _

_ _

My hands shook as I folded the paper and carefully put it in the envelope, trying to not make any noise that could be heard through the bathroom door. I had managed to sequester the paper and envelop away from my dad along with a few other items from the house. It was my one chance at trying to reach Jude. I licked the edge and pressed it flat. I flipped it over and stared at the blank white space. I tapped my pen on my lip, closing my eyes and trying to remember Jude's house number. I know it had a 3 and a 6 in it. 3746? 3756? I had passed by those numbers countless times. It was definitely 37 and ended in a 6. 5? It had to be 5.

I quick wrote it down. I placed the stamp in the upper right corner then stared at the blank left corner. I hadn't addressed an envelope more than a handful of times in my life. Did I need to write a return address? I'm in a motel, but I wouldn't be for long. Do motels even have addresses? What if they don't send it? I have to write something.

I heard a knocking at the door. "Hurry up, we need to get out or they'll charge us for another day."

'Darrick Helm, Vista.' Good enough. I flushed the toilet, and stuffed the letter into my waist band.

We left the small motel room and headed back to the car. We passed by a maid rolling a large cart, and I knocked over a pile of cups.

"Oh! I'm sorry!" I said, squatting down and helping to pick up the cups. As the maid squatted down too, I handed her the letter and two dollars, the only money I had. "Please put this in the mailbox," I whispered. She reluctantly reached out and took it, putting it in an apron pocket. I finished helping her clean up the cups. "Thank you." I hurried to the car and got in.

My dad hadn't seemed to notice my sly move, and we drove off. I said a silent prayer in my head to make sure that letter got to Jude.