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Xander Now

Xander walked in the earthy humidity, the wet mossy tang tickled at his throat.

"If I could fix this what would that even look like," he said to himself shifting his step in the wake of a passing car.

"What was I expecting, how could I date Paul and Sean, then there's Oliver, no one would be ok with that."

Tires kicking up the wet of the busy road made the white noise he needed to think.

"Is this biology? Maybe I need to call mom."

He dialed moms number, walking and waiting the seven rings before her voicemail, "Hey mom, I wanted to call and see how you were... it's been a really rough day. Anyway, I wanted to ask somethings about my biological dad. Talk to you soon mom love you."

He took a right onto Madison after watching the Bellevue skyline across the water, "Why do I even have the Eastside place I'm never there."

His phone buzzed with a call and a new Muzzlebook notification.

"Hello?"

"Hey dog, are you ok? Oliver seems all shaken up after he called Paul," Sean said.

"Yeah that feelings mutual, Sean why is it that I wish that we hadn't had sex and I'm happy that we did."

"Because it's what you wanted but not how you wanted it," Sean said, "I'm sorry that it's all messy."

"Please you loved getting messy... I want to cuddle but I feel that's not fair to Paul because we haven't actually broken up. I don't know how to fix this... what do I do Sean?"

"I don't think you can fix it, I mean now that I'm thinking about it. We were idiots, I mean if you date Paul and he hates me there is conflict with him and Oliver and you might lose me," Sean said, "But if he leaves you he'll still see both of us cause I'm dating Oliver."

"Sean, I love you as a brother and more, but I really like Paul too, and I'm going to hurt one of you guys... I already have."

"You've only been dating a little while and I just met him," Sean said, "I don't want to hurt him but you're still more important to me."

"I know... he's like you, before camp and everything. I-I like him... and there's a tender vulnerability hidden by his wit and sarcasm. I don't want to hurt him... any more than you know."

"So now that I'm 'ok' you need a new project," Sean asked.

"No. Sean even before camp you had a brusk and vulnerable side, I don't know it gets me all loving and protective."

"Such a sheep dog, Xander I don't know if this will work out but I will try." Sean said, "When I thought you were done with me as a friend I felt like the glue holding me together was gone, I might be dating Oliver but I love you."

"I know, I love you too, is it ok if I come over or should I just walk back to our place," he asked warmth filling his shivering center.

"Yeah come over, Oliver expected to see Jill but apparently, that's not happening now," Sean said.

"Ok, I have a few more blocks," he said then his phone buzzed, "Hey, Sean got another call, it's your mom, see you in a sec."

"Okay man, I ordered a couple pizzas, hope you're hungry."

"Hello," he answered the other call.

"Xander thank goodness, Papa has been texting, and asking if I've heard from Sean and it got me worried. Is everything ok," Momma Miller asked.

"Ah so Sean didn't message Papa or you I see, typical," he said, clenching his teeth at Sean's noncommunicative tendencies, "yeah he had a rough day and ran out of a meeting with Papa and his boss. Stuffs been boiling up but I think he's ok right now."

"Oh thank goodness, would you let Papa know," She asked.

"Yeah I can," he said then wiped the phone screen dry quickly with the inside of his jacket.

Jill messaged him on Muzzlebook, "hey don't know if I'll see you at dinner so IM me, I need to get to know you."

"Thanks honey talk to you soon," Mama said ending the call.

Xander dialed Papa Miller who answered on the first ring, "Xander, thank the Alpha, is Sean ok, I have been waiting outside his place it's been hours, is everything ok."

"Yes, sort of," he said.

"Sort of? is Sean hurt?"

"No sorry he's fine, just emotionally burnt out and I don't know confused I guess," he said, Huh I guess that's how I feel too.

"He ran out of work and nearly hit me again," Papa said, "Please explain how that's fine and what happened?"

"He just went for a walk."

"A walk that's it," Papa asked, "How come you sound like I caught you with your paw in the cookie jar?"

"Ok, I'll explain but don't over react," he said then waited for Papa who remained silent, "So Sean has been a tad emotional and exhausted lately and may have been considering suicide but it's all good now."

"It's... all good now... are you with him," Papa asked.

"No but I'm heading back to where I left him," he said.

"Where you left him? How again do you know my potentially suicidal son is ok?"

"Oh, I pacified him before I left," he said, regretting his word choice immediately.

"...I see. Xander please don't explain this to momma, I'm going home now. Tell me if there is anything wrong," Papa said.

"Momma, yes-no I will not tell her," he said muzzle burning.

"Oh is Sean still quitting, if not let Franks know," Papa said.

"No, everything is good if you're still doing the interview."

"Fine... wait a minute, isn't Sean dating that Tiger, how did you pacify... no... never mind." Papa said, "See you soon." Then Papa ended the call.

"Alpha damnit Sean, first you cause me to moon everyone now that," he said making a by passer look back at him.

He wiped the screen dry with the inside of his shirt then called Mr. Franks.

"Hello? Is this O'Connell," Sean's gruff bull dog boss asked.

"Yeah, it's me. So, I think Sean will be willing to do the interview but it will be a good idea to keep his dad in the process as well," He said reaching the entry door to Oliver's building.

"That's a relief he is hard working and passionate about his job, I'd hated to have lost him," Mr. Franks said, "I know I'll hear something from him when he is in... does he need tomorrow off? Sorry back to the point, what can you tell me, what was going on?"

"Well, that Hastles guy ran or runs a super conservative pack camp, Sean went to it and I guess it was scarring," He said paging Oliver's apartment.

"Oh, I know Sean's gay and I read up on the conversion camp... so I understand," Mr. Franks said.

"Read up on it, I've been looking but not getting very far," He said heading into the elevator.

"Amy and Vivian from channel five sent over a more detailed background on Hastles. The guy has a savior complex," Mr. Franks said.

"Did I get co-copied in on that," He asked stepping off the elevator.

"Yeah they sent it at three-ish," Franks said.

"Ok I'll read it, and I'll be in tomorrow," Xander said.

"See you then," Franks said then ended the call.

He messaged Jill on Muzzlebook, "hey Jill I doubt you'll really need to know me."

Opening his e-mail and reading distracted him for several minutes standing in the hall. Hastles had a mix of faith based ministries and predator rights groups. He started with a witnessing group in high school colorfully called 'Before You Burn' then he was in a predator advocacy group founded by a Tiger before he founded the camp, Xander made a too due reminder to look up that Tiger and 'Before You Burn'.

Sean said, "Hey man that was a long walk."

He closed the door behind himself, "Yeah, I had several extra calls to make. Have you been ignoring Momma and Papa?"

"Kinda, mom called right after we had sex," Sean said, "it would have been weird... to talk to her, you know right after that, why what's up?"

"Oh, Papa's been freaking out waiting at our place and getting Momma worried texting her asking if you had messaged her or knew where you were," He said heading into the postmodern apartment with designer neutral colored furnishings.

Oliver and Sean were snuggling on the couch.

"Hey Oliver are you ok... what happened to the throw pillows," he asked picking up a piece of white fluff off the back of the couch.

"It's been a long week," Oliver said.

"Plus, he needs to cut his nails," Sean said.

"I'm not cutting my nails, I don't want to become a city boy, gross," Oliver said.

"There's always Kevlar covers."

"Prime, that's what Sean said, what are you guy's clones," Oliver asked.

"Yes, we are clones that look and smell nothing alike," Sean said, "Xander, how's Paul?"

"I think he feels betrayed, it happened with Jill visiting and with Oliver," He said sitting on the couch next to Sean, "What were we thinking?"

"I wasn't... I'm all loopy from my meds, but that's still no excuse" Oliver said leaning into the couch corner Sean against him.

"If someone else was here I doubt I could have stayed... functional," Sean said, "That was the first time being hard near Xander in a decade."

"Not true, but you weren't conscious the other time," He said, "and what are we?"

"Dirty mistresses," Sean said, "And unconscious?"

"No, I mean apart from having sex what did we even expect," He said leaning his chin on a paw with an elbow on his knee, "So you got hard at the hospital with just me in the room I closed the blinds, but not before mooning everyone."

"I don't know, I like you and Sean, and Paul too, I had a stupid idea that we could all be together," Oliver said.

"Me too, now I think he hates me."

"How do you accidentally moon people, and why were you undressed in my room," Sean asked, "I had no expectations, but I never thought about monogamy or non-monogamy."

"Paul wants to be a dad, so do I, how could we have a multi-relationship with that, it's not fair to the pups."

Sean pulled him into the cuddle with Oliver, "Yeah and our family, I doubt they would be ok with the sexual dynamic."

"Papa might know what we did, or at least what you and I did."

"Xander, what do you mean dad might know," Sean asked wide eyed.

"Well he wanted to know if you were ok and I kinda explained about the bridge and everything and that just made him more worried, so I said I pacified you and I think he put two and two together."

He and Sean shook with Oliver's laughter.

"Alpha Xander, it just fucking happened, who doesn't know," Sean asked throwing his head back onto Oliver's shoulder.

"My parents and Momma."

"Probably Jill and Tanner," Oliver said.

"Tanner the fox from the Carrot store," Sean said in surprise.

"Yeah that's Paul's roommate," Oliver said.

"Great did you hear about him coming over," Sean asked Oliver, "Super awkward, that guy might be bi but he has horrible gaydar, well I'd call it flirtdar since he knew I was gay."

"Sean's phone was 'personally' dropped off by Tanner," He told Oliver.

"Wait how personally," Oliver asked.

"Shut up Xander" Sean said, "nothing happened I didn't realize he was flirting till he was in the apartment and hugging me."

"So if your dad knows about us and Xander, why not try being a quadruple," Oliver said.

"Because Paul is done with me." He said, "still need that fourth part to be quad."

"Seriously Oliver," Sean asked, "how could any of us have a family like that?"

"It's just another untraditional family," Oliver said, "Paul had one, and I had a quote normal family and that fuck me up. I want to talk about it, Xander do you want to choose Sean or Paul? "No I don't, I just can't see it working," he said paws interlaced with Sean and Oliver's, "What would the commitment be, I mean monogamy?"

"Well it never could if we don't try at all. How about I try talking to Paul next," Sean said.

"I would say it couldn't hurt but Paul's a spit fire," Oliver said, "I think Xander, might explain things to Jill she knows Paul better than anyone."

"Why me, she and I are messaging some but I don't know her?"

"You're with Paul," Oliver said, "and you know everything about Sean and have a habit of saying to much which will get her on your side."

"Great, Xander, don't scare her," Sean said.

"Yeah thanks guys. Your lack of confidence confidence is so reassuring," He said.

Oliver hugged him through and into Sean.