Out of the Frying pan, and into the Quicksand
#2 of Snuff
Out of the Frying Pan, and Into the Quicksand by: BerserkerB
"How do I get myself into these situations?" Berserker grumbled to himself as the jungle natives led him out of his holding hut. The generic looking natives, with their nakedness barely covered by clothes made of leaves and tall grass, and the bones pierced through their ears and noses, pushed him along with the generic jungle chant, played on generic jungle drums. "Why do I feel like I've stumbled into some horrible old movie from the nineteen-forties?"
The savage natives, as defined by European terms, poked and prodded the naked hyon with their generic looking spears. They led him to the center of the village, where a generic setup of a large boiling pot, steam just billowing from the top, awaited him.
"Oh come on!" he shouted in frustration. "I'm going to be stew for a bunch of generic looking jungle natives? What kind of plot is that?" He crossed his arms and refused to move. "I refuse to move! I am not going to take part in a plot that has absolutely no creativity to it." He looked beyond the fourth-wall, staring at the reader. "Seriously, would you want to read something this unoriginal? What's next, some giant jungle creature bursts through the thicket, scaring away the villagers and causing me to have to run for my life?"
In the next moment, a giant beast crashed through the thicket. It looked like the cross between a panther and a spider, but five times the size of a panther. It let out a thunderous, screeching roar, and the frightened jungle natives scurried away in sheer terror.
Berserker smacked his face with his palm, and let it slowly rub down his face. "Seriously? Is this what we've been reduced to now?" The ghastly beast spotted him, but he just sighed. "Oh fine, I'll run away from the terrifying creature." He waved his arms around lazily, letting out a mocking "Aaaaaah" while he hurried away to the jungle.
It was not long before the hyon was far away from the village, moving ever deeper into the jungle. "Is this story even supposed to have a plot?" he questioned his Author (who would answer his question in due time). He pressed on, determined to find some sort of plot in this obviously messed up story.
Suddenly, a long vine swung at him, wrapping around his ankle before hoisting him into the air. The bud of a giant carnivorous plant opened wide, showing rows of sharp, pointy teeth.
"Oh okay, so it's plant vore," he said in a surprised, yet oddly comfortable tone. "At least it will end soon enough, and I can get out of this stupid, generic jungle." Just before the plant could lower him into its mighty "mouth," a giant, winged creature came swooping out of nowhere, and snatched him from the jaws of the plant. The hyon looked up at the avian creature, and then sighed. "Okay...so I'm going to be eaten by this bird." He sounded more annoyed than scared.
Just then, an arrow shot forth from the dark jungle, hitting the giant bird in the leg. It let out a shrill squawk, and released its hold on Berserker. The hyon fell through the air, not really caring that he was plummeting to his doom. With a nonchalant yawn, he reached out his paw, and grasped at a conveniently placed vine. The vine swung him forward, preventing him from going splat on the ground.
"You know, I'm starting to think that I'm not supposed to die in this story." Then, to no one's surprise, the vine broke, and he dropped down once again. He hit the ground with a sickening splat; however, it was not his body that had gone splat. Berserker looked down at his legs, and found they had sunk halfway through the ground. When he tried to move them, the ground beneath him shifted, becoming viscous, and his body sank down a bit further. "Quicksand? Again with the clichéd jungle death scene." He crossed his arms and snorted. "Just have to wait for another conveniently placed plot device to come along."
And so he waited. As he waited, his body sank deeper and deeper into the mucky combination of mud, sand, and water. It glorped and blurped as it sucked his furry body down, 'devouring' his hips in no time.
"You know, I never understood why they called it quicksand," he said to the reader. "I mean, I've been here for a while, and the stuff is just getting passed my belly." Indeed, Berserker's descent into the wet, muggy substance was far from quick. The viscous mud continued to do what it did best, and as Berserker continued to wait for his plot device, the more the quicksand claimed his body.
After what had felt like thirty minutes, the quicksand had finally reached his shoulders, forcing him to hold his arms up to keep them from being sucked in. "Come on now... Let's see a plot device." He titled his head back when the top of the muddy substance reached his chin. It then dawned on the hyon what the plot of the story was. "Son of a bitch! You mean I have to die in quicksand!? Worst-story-ev..."
His words were suddenly cut off as the quicksand conveniently slurped his head down before he had a chance to finish. His words became bubbles of air, "glub glub." His arms started swinging wildly, but it only served to quicken his descent into the normally slow quicksand. "Glub glub." His paws stretched out as far as they could, and grasped at the murky air in a final, veil attempt at life. "Glub glub." The murky substance swallowed the furry paws down at last. The surface of the quicksand slowly began to grow denser, looking ever more like a solid; seemingly harmless. A few, final bubbles rose to the surface, issuing Berserker's final words. "Glub glub." Silence.
The End