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Chapter 22 Jill Then:

Jill walked her bike across the four lanes at South West Allen and Erickson, a Carolina locust snapping black wings as it flew past, The twenty at Momma Russo's will do it, right, how much can scent be?

"Jill, hurry up," Paul called back to her, getting back on his bike near the fire hydrant on the other side of the street, "the lights about to change."

He probably didn't even notice I'm wearing it... maybe I need more, she jogged next to her bike then said, "I'm hurrying. It's not like that driver's going to run me down."

"That guy has cali plates," Timmy said, waiting in the intersection for her, "You never know, you know."

"Are you excited to swim," she asked reaching the other side.

She and Timmy got on their bikes.

"Yeah, just nervous," Timmy said, "Can you fail at learning to swim?"

They rattled over the tree root uneven sidewalk, through shade patches from the Basswoods, Elms, Maples, and Plum trees lining the road.

"You can only fail if you quit," she huffed falling behind, If I switch gears to keep up I'll get sweaty... before swimming, it's swimming I'm ridiculous... ehh, fine whatever. She changed gears and peddled hard to catch up.

"I don't plan to quit," Timmy said slowing down for her, with Paul a block ahead, "That's what mom and dad want me to do, particularly dad, cause then I wouldn't need to shear anymore."

She continued listening huffing to make gains on them.

"He wants me to be more guyish," Timmy said as they turned right onto South West tenth.

"You're a boy," She said, "Why are we going this way?"

Timmy swerved around a mailbox, "Paul found out that that wolf lives on the old route, and I don't feel like I'm much of a guy."

"You're getting handsome, very male," she said, as they caught up to Paul who stopped at the next corner.

"What's up," Timmy asked.

Paul stood frozen on his bike.

A Wolf, Moose and Bison walked down South West Stott toward them.

She said, "Come on Paul, let's just ignore them."

"They're still bigger," Paul said, looking at her nervously.

"Who cares, they always will be," She said peddling left along the sidewalk.

"Jill wait."

She put on as much speed as she could.

Timmy and Paul hurried to catch up.

The bullies waved casually, and she waved back as she passed them.

Paul caught up, "Jill are you crazy?"

"No, it was fine, people grow up," she said, Timmy's ass bobbed as he passed her, Particularly Timmy goodness gracious, I hope he goes out for basketball.

"You didn't know they were different," Paul yelled.

"You didn't know they weren't," she yelled back pausing to cross sixth, "Stop being so, gay."

"Don't say that Jill, its rude," Timmy said.

"Fine, but if the dress fits," she said peddling the last block to the Aquatic center.

Paul and Timmy smelt of peppery anger when she reached them at the bike rack.

"I didn't mean to offend you," she said, "gee wiz guys."

"Thanks," "You didn't," Timmy and Paul said.

While they locked their bikes, she said, "Rule number one, don't be a guppy."

"What's a guppy," Timmy asked.

"Those annoying people at the pool," Paul said, following her along the paving stone path to the large glass doors, "you know, they're loud and cut you off when doing laps."

Salt water tickled her nose when the door slid open, "they splash a lot too."

"Uhm, I don't swim yet," Timmy said shifting nervously, "How could I cut someone off?"

She slipped her helmet onto her wrist, "Well, until you can do a few full laps, you can't swim in the deep end anyway... Come on, go get dressed."

"I'm already wearing my swim shorts," Timmy said following her.

Bridget sat at the front desk when the Beaver normally watched the swimmers.

"Hey Bridget," She said, "I'm signing in my friend Timmy for his first swimming lesson... Well Timmy, loose the shirt and let's go."

"Aren't sheep all like, hydrophobic," Bridget asked, "well anyway, at least he's tall enough to reach the bottom, unlike us."

Paul leaned on the wall waiting to sign in after her, she said, "Who said we need too."

Timmy shifted from paw to paw, "Do I have to take off my shirt?"

"Ah, yeah," she said raising an eye brow at Paul who shrugged, "otherwise what was the point of shearing."

"You're comfortable shirtless at home," Paul said, scooting over to the clipboard, "Anyway my turn."

"Like I said, loose the shirt," she said drumming her nails on the counter.

"I don't want everyone to see," Timmy said avoiding her eyes.

"Fine," she said, "Bridget pass me the step ladder."

"I think it's in the back," Bridget said.

"Still need it," she said arms crossed, "I have to yell in his ear or strip him, not sure yet."

Timmy stepped back kneading his paws, "But, I don't have anywhere to put it."

"My bag," she said glancing down, Oh goddess, where did I put it.

She ran out to her bike the bag leaned against the back tire.

When she got back inside, Timmy stood in a speedo, and Bridget held board shorts, Paul must be in the locker room.

The door flapped shut behind her

"-If you don't want that," Bridget said.

"Where's Paul," she asked, "And why did you strip in the lobby?"

"Paul said to change," Timmy said, "and I had the suit on underneath."

"He doesn't like the suit," Bridget said.

"Let me guess," Jill said holding in a laugh, "Your mom got it without you."

"It wouldn't be weird too," Timmy asked Bridget, "I mean someone else was in them."

"Oh gosh, he is so cute," Bridget said, "just keep on the speedo and remember we wash the lost and found for, you know."

"Get in these," Jill said passing the shorts over, "Meet me in the pool," then she took Timmy shirt and pants then stuffed them in her back pack.

She went to the girl's locker room, Swimming cap or no... Paul would think I'm cuter without it, but I don't want water in my ears.

She locked up her bag stopping briefly at the mirror, No food in my teeth that's good, but should I brush them? Goddess why is my tail so long and my boobs so small... Whatever, work what you got, girl.

She practiced a seductive smile, giggling, Paul, you're so funny, she giggled again then gave up on her grimace heading out to the pool.

Timmy stood shivering by the pool all wet.

"Are you ok," she asked.

"I'm fine," Timmy said teeth chattering in the chilly salty room, "Paul said to go ahead, and that I need to take a cold shower cause it makes you swim better."

"Goddess Paul," she said heading to the boy's locker room door, "Hurry up, Paul."

"Go away," Paul yelled back.

"Whatever," she led Timmy to the built-in steps in the shallow end of the large L-shaped pool, "Normally, I do this part not in the water, because kids get distracted, but your older than the normal learner and you look cold."

"Ok, what do I do," Timmy said shivering nervous scent overpowering the salt.

She stepped down into the warm caress of the water, "Watch your step getting in and follow me."

Timmy stepped down, slipped and splashed to his paws on the shallow end floor, with a big goofy grim, "Wow, its warmer than I thought."

Dripping from ear to tail she glared at Timmy, "For my peace of mind hold the wall till the safety lessons over."

"Will do, coach," Timmy said, "Should we wait?"

"That's sensei to you," She said bouncing off the bottom to keep her head above the four-foot water then balanced on her tail, "Paul already knows how to swim. So, what is the number one thing that you're trying to manage when swimming?"

"Not drowning," Timmy said, grinning more.

"Cute," she said the water shifting her around a little, "I think I prefer teaching five to seven-year old's."

"Sorry, go on master," Timmy bowing till his pink nose hit the water.

"Goof," she said, holding one paw out of the water, "Swimming is about managing resistance to create buoyancy."

Timmy slumped on the shoulder resting along the wall, "Oh, so this is a boring lesson."

She splashed him, "Goddess, just like dance class, the principle behind things are important. Fine will you-"

"Cannon ball," Paul leapt into view. His impact on the water knocked her off her tail.

She treaded to the surface and wiped the water out of her eyes, then she growled, "I hate you both right now."

The water buffeted her around as the two idiotic hooligans wrestled, "Paul, Timmy will have to leave the pool if you don't let him finish his lesson."

"Sorry."

"You need to call her Sensei."

"Boys," she said, balancing on her tail again, "So, like I said, the point is to keep the resistance low above you and high below you."

"Resistance," Paul whispered, nudging Timmy with a shoulder, "If that's the theme, why did she make us stop wrestling."

"Shhhh, she's a mean sensei," Timmy said bowing again, "So sorry master Greyhouse."

A better behaved eight-year old she coached swam past, she clicked her teeth, "Fine, Paul come stand here, you're part of the lesson now so you don't distract anymore."

"What?"

She crossed her arms, "It's that or you both head home."

"Fine, what am I doing," Paul asked moving to where she indicated.

"You're being supportive," she said winking, "hold out your arms."

"Seriously, Jill come on," Paul said but complied.

"Timmy, come lay across Paul's arms," she said bobbing.

"Come on Jill," Paul said, shifting as a kit dove in nearby, "I don't see how this will help."

"Timmy weighs more," she said, "so, you should want him to get it rather quickly."

"How do we do this," Timmy asked pink nose reddening.

"You were just in Paul's arms," she said splashing them.

"That just happened," Paul said.

"Well just happen again," she said while swimming a slow loop around them tail trailing like a streamer.

Paul said to Timmy, "Well, if you-"

She dipped under the water swimming down to touch the bottom then popped up.

Timmy climbed on Paul.

Paul yelled while falling over, "No, don't put your arm around my neck, you're supposed to be face down to the wa-"

Bubbles popped around Paul's submerged muzzle.

"But then I'll breathe it in," Timmy said standing water at shoulder level.

While Paul splashed around.

"Guys," she said swimming back over, "you're drifting to the deep end."

"It's his fault," they both said.

She dove under, how do I describe making the water move past you, in a way they'll understand.

Back at the four-foot depth, "Prime Timmy, stop pulling my fur."

"I'm not trying to," Timmy said splashing and squirming in Paul's arms, "you're crushing me."

"No, I'm not, I'm just... oh."

Timmy and Paul floundered around.

She swam over, "Stop splashing so I can fix this."

They teetered.

She moved Paul's left paw lower on Timmy's hip bone, the right higher on Timmy's chest, "There, much better, now for the lesson."

Paul and Timmy's ears were back, and Timmy's nose went bright red.

"Ok, so I need your focus," she said balancing on her tail, cupping one paw outside of the water, "for everyone that doesn't have webbed paws, you have to cup it like this."

"Stop that tickles," Timmy yelled floundering.

"What, I just cupped my paw," Paul said rebalancing, "I didn't know you were ticklish."

"I'm not, but ... maybe there I-"

"Guy's focus," she said splashing them, "By cupping your paw you make resistance in the water you can pull with."

"Timmy, are you... is that a-"

"Let go, I need to pee," Timmy said trying to elbow away from Paul.

Paul struggled to hold Timmy, "No, dude just chill or people will-"

"You are both the absolute worst," she said, crossing her arms bobbing in their waves as people chattered in the deep end, "I have better eight-year-old students than you."

"Sorry, Jill," Paul said barely keeping Timmy afloat.

"Paul, I have to... pee ahh" Timmy said then splash from a full body spasm as Paul dropped him.

When Timmy surfaced, Paul asked wide eyed, "Timmy did you just-"

"I don't know," Timmy said nose bright red, "I think I peed."

"Everyone pees in the pool," a golden retriever said swimming past.

"You two are ridiculous," she said, slowly moving away from the retriever, "Paul you deserve getting peed on for being a distraction, anyway, maybe now we can focus cause this lesson has been so gay."

"It's not," Timmy said moving to Paul.

"No, you just, you know," Paul said moving away, adjusting his swimsuit and glaring at his paw.

"Goddess Paul," She said swimming further away, "Don't tell me you have to pee too I have to work in here after you leave, this is so gay."

"Stop that Jill," Timmy said, ears down.

"Stop what," she said arms crossed, "because I don't care if you guys are embarrassed, but I don't want to work in a toilet."

"Timmy don't," Paul said moving forward.

"I am embarrassed about that," Timmy said, "but please stop calling everything gay."

"If the dress fits," She said splashing them, "Everyone says it."

Paul stood wide eyed.

"They shouldn't," Timmy said.

"Fine PC police," she said, "Why does it matter anyway?"

She shrugged at Paul who avoided her eyes, What's wrong with Paul.

"Remember how I was never Arthur," Timmy asked nose barely above the water as he crouched.

"No... Yeah, so," She said crossing her arms, "Timmy you're being ga-weird."

"No, I am being gay," Timmy said, "Jill, I think... I'm gay."

Paul stood glancing between them.

Crap how'd I miss that, She bobbed for a moment, "Oh."

Chapter 23 Jill Now:

Jill walked with Tanner from Tougo Coffee to his car, Peanut, giving up Earl Grey for the last seven months might be something I never let you forget.

"How's your herbal tea," Tanner asked, paws in a hoody pocket as their wet steps stereo'ed on the downward sloped walkway.

"Peachy," she said, looking both ways before crossing the street, "I miss caffeine, alcohol and normal ankles."

"Yeah, pregnancy seems so weird," Tanner said, stopping to look at the Host synagogue.

Tanner's Juniper and Fir tree scent soured.

"You ok," she asked smelling but not sipping her peach tea.

"Yeah, I guess," Tanner said, then laughed, "If anyone could relate it's you. I was just thinking about being mixed culture and religion."

"Yeah and sexuality," she said, "It's ok to feel out of place."

"I didn't, I never did," Tanner said stones grinding under a shifting paw, "Till I realized I was bi. I guess the feeling might have been there, but not knowing what I was feeling, and why made it smaller somehow... This is where my mom and grandpa go when there in town, Temple De Hirsch Sinai."

"And do you go," She asked taking his open paw, "or do you want to go?"

"No, I feel weird at both gram's mosque and mom's synagogue."

"I felt weird with church," she said rubbing her belly with the bottom of her cup, "You know because of Paul getting expelled, but when I visited Timmy's that when away."

"That's Paul's old best friend," Tanner asked, squeezing her paw, "Lets head, it's too wet out."

"That works I need to sit," she said as they walk to fifteenth near Oliver's, "Timmy and Paul are my best friends, they always will be, no matter what happens in this life."

"Need me to carry you," Tanner asked.

"And get crushed when you trip," she said sipping her tea, "Oh, Goddess, I sound like one of my dad's patients," she grabbed her tail so it wouldn't drag in a puddle, "I don't make you feel weird you know because you're bi do I?"

"Ah... you didn't till that question," Tanner said getting the blue Mazda's door for her.

"Sorry," she said struggling to get in.

When he came around to the driver side she said, "I was bad at first with Timmy and Paul being LGBTQ, I just hope I'm not like that still."

"When did they come out," Tanner asked turning onto Madison.

"Eleven years ago," she said, Ouch peanut every time I sit, "can we hurry I have to pee, there's not enough room for both peanut and my bladder."

"Yes ma'am, I like the upholstery," Tanner said, shifting low to rev high, "I can't imagine you as a fourteen-year old, you are like perma mom to me."

"Slowdown, there are three here," she said gripping the armrest, "and I am not a perma mom, and quit with the ma'am."

"Yes m'lady," Tanner said, turning left at the convenience store.

"Guinevere is not pleased," she said, "So will you teach our lady of the desert to swim?"

"Guinevere," Tanner asked.

"Never Mind that bit," she said playing with the tip of her tail, "Will you teach Danielle to swim."

"Sure, it might be hard," Tanner said slowing to park, "I mean Danielle is super-hot."

She laughed got the door failed to get up then said, "Well you should talk to Paul about hard swimming lessons."

Tanner helped her out, "Hard lessons?"

"Like I said ask him," she said, the blue house vibrating from loud music.

"Interesting," Tanner said, opening the blue door, her scent along with Mahogany, Fir tree, Juniper and Cinnamon washed out, "Sounds like my WorkBeat, cardio station."

They slipped off shoes at the door.

Tanner stood jaw slightly open at the top of the stairs facing the living room. She rolled her eyes stepping around Tanner.

Danielle's Niqab fit well and flowed like a ribbon dancer with each spin. Eyes closed and invisible bells held in the motion of arched paws above her head. Danielle spun like a leaf in the wind made from the beat. Comfident steps moved around the cleared living room, each move a shy caress of the eyes.

That's so beautiful, she elbowed Tanner gently, nodding her admiration. He nodded back. She tilted her head in exasperation, elbowing Tanner harder and nodding down. His eyes bugged as he adjusted himself moving two steps down the stairs to hide bits.

Danielle startled stepping back when she sniffed, holding her paws in front of her meek form, "I did not hear your return, Jill, Tanner."

"oh no, I'm sorry to interrupt," she said, turning down the hall, "Can you show me that... after I pee, hashtag pregnant lady problems?"

Tanner is so screwed, why does he only like the unavailable ones, she sat down with help from the toilet bowl and counter, shifting on the seat to try and get started, Peanut, sorry I lied, forget ankles, I miss being able to pee freely, I guess this is what old guys deal with.

From the living room Danielle said, "I did not mean to be a disruption to your home."

"No, its fine, your beautiful, Tanner said, "I mean you dance beautiful."

"I will put things to order," Danielle said.

"No, you said you'd show me," she said loudly to make it through the door, washing her paws.

"Yeah, the rooms fine," Tanner said, "I'll just..."

"Tanner are you well," Danielle asked.

"I ah-"

"He is fine," she said closing the bathroom door, "he just has a hard time giving compliments, you dance beautifully and Tanner's ready to give you swimming lessons. Now show me those steps."

Tanner's eyes boggled, then shot down again, as she came down the hall, "Swimming, Jill you'd be way better."

"No, Tanner," She said, "I know you'll be just as excited about swimming lessons as Paul used to be."

Tanner raised an ear, "The hard time?"

She nodded sticking out her tongue, "Danielle please show me that, Tanner go play guitar or something."

"Wait, I can't watch," he asked.

"No, you had that shaken baby joke," she said.

Danielle didn't relax till Tanner started down the hall.

"Ok, he's gone," she said as his door closed, "How are you?"

"I am well," Danielle said paws held together, "I didn't mean to put Mr. Russo out of his bed."

"Oh please, that was me," she said, "You're fine, I hope you're comfortable."

"Yes, I, thank you," Danielle said, wide lightbrown eyes distant, "I don't know if I should be here. I might be defying God, and... I am scared."

She stood heart picking up its pace, "I don't know your faith, but your brother-in-law and sister sent you so someone believes this is right, right?"

Danielle's shoulders rose, "Yes they did, but you are-"

"Perfectly fine," she said, stepping forward and taking Danielle's paw, "Could you please show me those steps," she sighed, "one second."

She stepped to glare down the hall, Tanner meeped disappearing his head into his room.

"Ok, I'm ready now," she said, "I love that there's the right music on WorkBeat."

"My mother has the application," Danielle said, then gestured down, "Are you certain, you want to while."

"Please, swollen ankles and belly," she said, "I'm not dead, but I might want to change one moment."

She waddled to Paul's room, while Danielle started the song again, her suitcase lay by the nightstand, Well, I can't bend down to that.

Sitting on the edge of the bed she barely reached the strap, Goddess girl why did you pack so much, she heaved the luggage onto the bed, then took out expecting mother sweats.

The picture frame she got Paul lay face down and the backing bulged, she reached for it till she heard a creek in the hall.

She rolled her eyes and quickly changed then stepped behind Tanner, "Smitten aren't you."

"Shit, Jill," Tanner said jumping, fur standing while gesturing down her body, "How the hell are you still sneaky like that."

"Dude, I'm sneaky in every state," she said, setting a paw on his wrist, "you'd have starved thousands of years ago... you know she's not old enough."

"I know," Tanner said, dropping his thin gray eyes, "I just love wolves and hyenas too, they smell so good, and she's so delicate but strong at the same time."

"Still really stupid," she said, squeezing his wrist, "Play guitar get your mind on other things, and Goddess stop peaking or I'll make you leave the house, I'm not having my pregnant butt on YouTube."

"I'll get on LGBTQpid," he said, "I haven't gotten any in a month."

"Fine, hun," she said, "you smell like you're in season anyway."

"I'm male," Tanner growled.

"I'm not judging, season's in season," she said waddling to the living room, "go, let us dance."

Tanner chuffed behind her then his door closed.

Danielle again danced with her paws as much as her pads, air and floor intricate mirrors.

She stood till Danielle noticed her, "Can you show me slowly."

"Yes, I will do my best," Danielle said.

"That's all anyone can do," she said stepping up belly tingling.

Chapter 24 Paul then:

Paul sat in a stakehouse folding chair, the powerful Cinnamon and Saffron of the room tickled his nose. Yellow and brown leaves rustled in the wind outside the arched windows.

This week's teacher a twenty something cute Birman stood before the room and said, "Thank you Prime our Father for your Church and everyone with us today, for bringing us all here today to talk about Family, Love, and Purity."

His left paw tingled from the patchy fur remaining from worrying at it. Mom sat in a floral ankle length sun dress with hanging lace shoulders, I'm not normal mom you deserve a normal family... I'm Sorry.

Mom smiled down at him, "Love you Pauliwog."

"Many go and do things," the Birman said golden eyes roaming the room, "just acting on their feelings, not thinking of the damage that they do themselves and others."

Timmy came in the pool, I made him cum, I made both of us sin, he shifted in his seat.

"This week were looking at Joseph," the cute Birman said, tail sweeping from side to side.

Prime, I thought this guy was cute, but I can't think that, a young orange and white Tabby stared at him with green side eye.

"Joseph shows us what purity takes," the Birman's tenor filled the room, "and how it honors, yourself, your eternal partner, and the Prime."

If I care about Jill, I'd invite her to heaven, she's not Pridian, neither is Timmy, his heart tightened, That girls staring at me. He sank a little in his seat.

"Remember you are not your own," the Birman said, "those we love deserve the respect of us all running from temptations."

Prime if you were that tree out there, are we those leaves you let fall away, he felt his worn paw sting while he clicked his claws.

"Shhh, honey pay attention," mom whispered tucking her chin to him.

"Life will send temptations," the Birman said, "You will loose truer love because of immorality."

Prime, I'm sorry please help me I don't know what to do, his claw dug into his pads, she's still looking at me.

Coppery iron filled his nose.

Mom sighed passing a tissue.

"The Prime loves us," the Birman said, "Like Joseph we have the strength even if it hurts to run from temptation, your eternal partner deserves your purity and you deserve theirs. This is why Jacob became Israel, and Joseph was blessed with fortitude, to be the preservation of his family."

How is hurting right, the leaves he watched blew away, I guess mom was trying to do that for me with dad, he reached out for mom's paw.

"I'm glad you're here, honey," mom whispered squeezing.

"Can you imagine," the Birman said, "Even after all the pain his family caused him Joseph forgave, he is an example of a Prime worthy man."

Timmy stood in the mud room, those blue eyes, beautiful blue eyes, after I sheared him he was so spicy, he leaned forward all sage and alfalfa, it's so him, then he kissed me, something tickled in his shorts, No no no, shit everyone will smell.

"We can't accommodate temptation," The Birman said, eyes sweeping the room hitting him deeper into his seat, "these are the things Joseph ran from and so should we."

Jill stood holding me after I learned about dad, familiar Violet eyes that sparkle, why don't they make my heart beat, shouldn't they, I love her, she kissed me after swimming once, his heart warmed as things calmed down, Maybe she'd come with me to service.

"Men, look away from these temptations," the Birman said, "Women, immodest dress makes you ladies the wife of Potiphar and you deserve to be better than that."

Mom checked her shoulder lace, nodded then settled again.

Why does mom feel ok, we aren't ok, we don't have a dad, I mean I don't, the Green eye tabby smiled at him then her mother elbowed and frowned at her, I'm making everyone sin.

"Temptation leads to inchastity," the Birman said, "Inchastity is the most abominable sin save that of shedding the blood of the innocent, or denying the Holy Ghost."

Did I, Timmy did we, his bare tree branch stirred, I should have been a girl then things would be right.

"God has a great banquet," the Birman said, "It's available to you on your wedding night, and those of you that don't like the food god prepared, he has service, devotion to the scripture and spreading the word, those are the tables blessed for you."

He tasted sour, Prime, if you made me in my mother's womb, why did you give me these feelings?

The Birman kept talking about love, family, then concubines for some reason, landing on community, I need to talk to Timmy.

Mom squeezed his paw her head bowed.

He tucked his head.

"Thank you," The Birman prayed, "Prime our Father for your Church and everyone with us today, thank you for nourishing and strengthening us with your word and lessons on Love, Family and Purity, in the name of Jesus amen."

After he finished, mom asked, "Honey, I'm going to chat for a little bit with the Petersen's."

"Can't we go home," he asked, not standing, "I have home work."

Mom rubbed his shoulder, "I'll just be a minute or two honey."

He sat alone watching his tree, till a couple of the older kits loomed over him, a Chartreux, Burmese and Bobtail.

"Russo what were you thinking about," the black Burmese asked in a high tenor, "You shouldn't think those things during a sermon of purity."

"I-I wasn't go away," he said shifting in the uncomfortable seat.

"It happens just read the word," the alto Gray Chartreux's calmly purred, "it helps and happens to everyone."

"Thanks, I guess," he said.

"You don't have a dad," the orange and brown Bobtail said, "We are just trying to help. Read Corinthians it helps remembering that your body is not your own."

"Ok... thanks," he said, Go away.

"Hey, Erik," a hearty Soprano said behind him, "I think your mom wants you."

"Thanks Emily," Erik the Bobtail said to the Green eyed Tabby, "See you Paul." The group wandered off. Leaving the Tabby that stared at him all service.

"I didn't need your help," he said, rubbing his worn paw.

"Ignore the Molly Missionary and Peter Pridian's," Emily said sitting down next to him, she wore a green dress and ribbons to match her eyes, "I didn't think you needed help. I just wanted to talk... I lost my dad, well he left us."

They sat silently.

"I know it's not the same," Emily said paws kneading on a thigh, hovering on the edge of the seat, "I just know I felt alone, you're not, you have friends, family and everyone here."

"Why'd he leave?"

"He fell in love," Emily said, clicking her claws, tail twitching, "He left mom and me, your dad would be here, if he could... I just wanted to make sure someone told you that."

"No one has," he said, rubbing his paws on his knees, "I know what you're saying should be true, but it doesn't feel like it sometimes, you know?"

Emily tucked a loose ribbon behind her left ear, "feelings... they're weird."

"Yeah," he said calming, "does he still talk to you, and do you know why he left."

"No, mom has full custody," Emily said, biting the side of her lower lip, "He has a partner... of uhm, inchastity."

"Do you still love him," he asked.

"Of course," Emily said raising an ear, "You can't help who you love."

"Maybe he couldn't either," he said, Like Timmy.

"I feel you're right," Emily said her smile fading, "but, I know the church is true."

"Yeah, thanks again Emily," he said standing.

"You're welcome, see you next Sunday," Emily said muzzle brightening.

She skipped back to her mother.

"Ready honey," Mom asked, slipping past people.

"Yeah, I have that homework," he said.

"So, who's your friend," Mom asked, "she's cute."

"Mom don't say that," he said flushing, "please let's go."

They got into the car then pulled out of the lot. He watched his tree as they got onto the road home.

"What did you think," Mom asked, changing lanes.

"It was... I don't know," he said, I can't tell her.

"Were you listening," she asked, "You smelt anxious."

"I was," he said, Shut up you idiot, he clicked his claws, "I felt bad."

"What about honey," Mom asked.

You're a total idiot, shifting in the seat he said, "I-I'm sorry for being mad that you waited to talk to me about dad."

"Oh... thank you honey," mom said, turning right, "I was worried I was going to have the rutting rooster and Seasons conversation."

"Gross mom," he said, sinking in the seat.

Mom laughed, "Oh, Pauliwog, it has to happen at some point."

"Not after a sermon of purity," he groaned.

"Well, when should it be," mom asked.

"Preferably never," he said, "So what's for lunch?"

"Do you not remember," mom asked smirking, "or are you just changing the subject."

"Maybe," he said, sitting back up, "Fine we can have that talk if you tell me why you never date."

Mom huffed, "Well, someone finally learned to change the game."

His tail whipped, "It's the code."

"Fine deal," mom said pulling into the driveway.

The house smelled of Tofu faux pulled pork, and crockpot soup, "I'll go change-"

"No you don't," mom said, "kitchen deals a deal."

He stepped back down the first flight following mom to the teal tile kitchen counter.

"So," mom said sitting on a stool, "You want to know why I don't date."

"Yeah, I mean he passed," he said leaning but not sitting on another stool, "It's been fifteen years' mom, aren't you lonely."

"Sometimes Pauliwog, and I did try," Mom said, holding out a paw, "It feels... felt like cheating, he's my eternal partner."

"But you two never married," he said, taking her paw, "If you didn't wed before the Prime you're not-"

"I know what they say," mom said, "But your heart's a better guide, it didn't feel right, someday it might, you sometimes want things you shouldn't, well... anyway."

"I want you to be happy," he said, squeezing her paw, "I could never go on mission or to college if I thought you were here alone."

Oh no, I made her cry, I'm such an idiot, he bit his lip, "I'm sorry mom what's wrong, what did I say."

Mom pulled him into a crouched hug, grooming the top of his head, "Mom, gross, stop it."

"I didn't know you felt that," mom said, "I'll pray about it, I love you Paul, I think I needed to hear that, and I'm not alone I have you and the Greyhouses."

"So, you're ok," he asked grimacing as she pinched his cheek.

The front door opened, Timmy said, "Hey is it cool to come in, I couldn't really knock my paws are full?"

"Yes, honey come on in," mom said, "Don't think you are getting out of that talk."

"Fine mom, just let me go," He groaned going boneless.

Mom laughed, "You're too old to keep doing that."

"Hey Momma Russo," Timmy said coming in the kitchen kissing mom on the cheek.

Alfalfa and Sage wafting behind Timmy, warmth tickled down his belly, "Hey, Timmy let's work in my room."

"Timmy, you want a salad," Mom asked, "Paul, I'll bring up your lunch."

Thanks mom," he said dragging Timmy.

"Sure momma," Timmy said, "geez, you'll make me drop everything."

Once inside his room he asked, "So uhm, how was church?" he paced by his desk stopping to casually lean against the side of his chair, No, you shouldn't asked that, he stumbled as the chair slid into his desk.

"Not bad," Timmy said catching his arm dropping the poster and papers on his desk, "We talked about God love and forgiveness and how to Love. How was yours?"

He stepped back fur standing after being brushed by Timmy's breath.

"We talked about purity," he said, nearly falling again leaning on air where his chair previously sat, Don't mention the day dream, he crossed the room jumping on his blue comforter, "I thought about you..." he bit his lip, No, you idiot, "and Jill I thought about Jill too."

"Yeah what about," Timmy asked tilting his head.

His stomach swam with bubbles, "Oh never mind," he clicked his claws, Why, can I never shut up around Timmy.

Timmy sat next to him, pinning a paw over his clicking claws, "You can tell me Paul, anything I promise."

"Did you call the clinic," He asked scooting away.

"Yeah," Timmy said, "They e-mailed a parental permission form. What's wrong Paul?"

"I'm... Timmy, you came out," He said, turning over his paws, "and at the pool you."

"God Paul, your paw, what happened," Timmy said, flipping his left back over.

Pleasant sparks shot up his arm, "nothing I-I just washed... some."

"It's so worn," Timmy said, "You're missing fur."

"You came on it," He said, pulling his paws away.

"I didn't mean too," Timmy said slouching, "I'm sorry, I disgust you."

His heart skipped and ached, "You don't, I disgust me."

"What d'you mean," Timmy asked knitted eye brows above vivid blues.

"I think I... no, I know," he said, hugging a knee, "Timmy I'm attracted to men too."

Timmy's muzzle brightened at him, he doesn't get it.

Timmy scooted closer and said, "That's ok, we could-"

"No, it's not, it's not ok," he said, "I can't be gay." The floor creaked from the hall.

He ran to the door peeking out into the empty hall, It smells like mom, but it always smelts like mom... right?

He backed up closing the door, then turned into Timmy's chest.

Timmy's worried eyes looked down at him, "A hug will fix it Paul."

He gasped when Timmy's nose touched his while Alfalfa and Sage arms encased him, trapping his arms to Timmy's chest, he went boneless when he breathed in Timmy's oaty breath.

He whispered, "I can't think those things, it's-"

Timmy kissed him, the warm tingling covered his every fiber.

A moaned laughter slipped from his throat.

Timmy broke the kiss, "I love you, you're my best friend, I'm always thinking about you."

"I-I love you too." He said wiping his eyes.

"Jill's here," Mom called up the stairs, "and I have the food for you in the kitchen."

Chapter 25 Timmy:

Timmy stood ears and nose on fire, "Are you ok Paul?"

Jill's steps climbed the stairs.

"I'm... I don't know," Paul said.

Paul's claws pricked his chest where they rested.

He said, "I'm sorry I just wanted you-"

Paul pushed him away, "Jill's here," Cinnamon sour.

His nose burned as he moved back to sit on Paul's bed, then Jill rushed through the door.

He tilted his head, but Paul avoided looking at him.

"Hey, guys did you hear," Jill asked, side hugging Paul before moving to the bed, "Timmy are you ok, you smell sad?"

"I'm fine," he said, avoiding Paul's knit brows.

Jill looked between them, "what happened, did you guys have a fight..."

"No... we're fine," Paul said crossing his arms over his chest.

"Timmy do you feel the same," Jill asked.

"I said we're fine," Paul snapped glaring out the window.

He opened his mouth, but Jill said, "Oh, please Paul, if you hurt my GBF's feelings I'm going momma bear on you."

"GBF," he asked, curling his legs up onto the bed, "But Paul's your-"

Tail whipping Paul said, "I am not-"

"Paul's my straight best Friend," Jill said, "Like Brian Regan said, I love Grape and Cherry they're both favorite."

"But... wait Regan," he asked, "Didn't he say grape was a little more favorite?"

"What ev', I love you both," Jill said, "so, fix your shit, I'm the drama queen stop stealing my thunder."

"Yes m'lady," he said, "Your wish is my command."

"So, Jill, what were you saying," Paul asked moving to his desk, leaning a hip against it glaring at the chair.

"The Sadie Hockins dance," Jill said, playing with the tip of her tail, "so, I wanted to know if one of you guys wanted to go."

Paul shuttered hackles raising, "Like a dance with people, but they all will see us?"

"Goddess Paul, I had no idea," Jill said, smirking, "you're shy, anyway I'll just take Timmy then."

"Sure, I love dancing," he said, nose burning, "wait Jill, you're going to invite two guys, don't you think people might think that's weird?"

"Who cares," Jill said, feigning nonchalance, "people call me a slut for being... for having a mixed scent, so it's you know, whatever."

"So you'll make it worse," Paul asked, "by wearing more."

"Yeah, so," Jill said, ears drooping, "I thought that you'd like it."

"Uhm sure, it's good on you," Paul said wilting ears and shoulders.

He raised an eye brow at Paul, "When you don't dump it on."

Paul shook his head at him, then stood alert tail dancing against the desk, "Wait, Jill who's calling you a slut and why didn't you tell us?"

"Because... whatever you know," Jill said, backing to the wall on the bed then leaning to the left against his side, "I'm telling you now, and most of the time I just have to ignore this stuff and it's nice just not thinking about it, I never have to worry with you guys and I love you for it."

He wrapped an arm around Jill's shoulder, then raised an eyebrow at Paul.

Paul said, "I like being a good place for you and I love you too, but that's not ok, who was it?"

"Just some girls," Jill said, "Anyway the dance is it a yes or a no, and what did the clinic say Timmy?"

"You're not going to tell us," Paul asked, "Come on, are you Jill?"

"I said it's whatever," Jill said gripping her tail as Paul sat on her other side, "you guys can't fight my battles or be in the girl's room."

His nose burned again, and he tasted bile, "I need the bathroom."

He closed Paul's door behind him and stood for a moment.

After a while Jill asked, "Paul, I wanted to just ask you but I didn't want to leave Timmy out either. If I just asked you,would you have said yes?"

He ran to the bathroom.

Heart racing, he splashed water on his muzzle, then stood in profile at the mirror, "if you were a girl you could protect Jill... maybe then Paul would want you, instead of pretending he does."

His eyes burned while he choked back the lump in his throat.

After a couple minutes, a tentative knock startled him.

Momma Russo asked, "Hey, Timmy, I know you're indisposed but when you're done, do you have a second?"

He stood for a moment, "Yeah, one sec."

When he opened the door Momma Russo stood about Paul's height clicking her claws together.

"Are you ok," he asked.

"Yes, just understanding things better," Momma said, one ear raised.

"Understanding what," he asked.

"I know better now," Momma said, "how you're family, at I... I don't know if I've told you how happy I am you're in Paul's life and therefore mine."

"No, but thanks..." he said, "I'm glad to know you too, momma."

Momma's eyes brimmed with tears, "you're always welcome here. No matter what."

He flinched when momma swooped in for a hug.

He shifted from paw to paw, "uhm, you and Jill where the same scent."

Momma laughed, "Yes found that out the hard way."

"Huh?"

"Oh, nothing honey," momma said, "but I meant what I said, you're family, always ok, let me know if you need anything."

"Will do..." he said, "uhm, so, we have homework I'm going to get back to it."

"Yes," Momma said stepping back, "I'll let you all know when dinners ready, I'm making a special dish just for you."

His tail flapped, "Thanks, well talk to you soon."

He walked with a skip to his step back to Paul's door. He listened before going in.

Jill said, "So Tuesday after school I can go to the clinic and get the test done."

"Sweet I'm free too," Paul said, "Timmy should be."

He went in.

"So, that was weird," he said, heading into Paul's room, "Paul did you tell your mom I'm you know gay?"

"Timmy, you're out to us," Jill said, "Say it like you mean it, I'M GAY."

"Yeah, Jill inspiring," Paul said, "No, I didn't tell her, why?"

"Jill did you," he asked.

"No, that's for you to share," Jill said, sitting up on the bed, "why?"

Paul's tail whipped back and forth.

"Momma wanted to talk in the hall," he said, laying on the empty side of the bed to Jill's left, "She was all like you're important to me and the family and I'm glad you're part of the family."

"Well," Jill said, "Now that I think about it, I should have known you were gay this whole time."

He leaned up, Paul's wide eyes made him laugh, "well, that might be true."

He flopped back down on the bed.

"I promise, I didn't tell," Paul said.

He wrapped his arm under his head, "I don't think that I'd care if you did."

"What, why, you should," Paul said.

"I want to like being me," he said, "so when are we getting the test done?"

"Tuesday," Jill said, "We can bike there, and so anyway, the dance, I talked Paul into it, you still game Timmy?"

"Yeah," he said, "I think I'd like to go."

"Good, ok," Jill said, "let's do history, I'm glad we have a plan, wait, did you two pick the song for our dance?"

"No," Paul said, "I thought you'd pick."

"I like that DJ remix of Madonna," He said.

"Oooow, perfect," Jill said.

"Please no," Paul said.

"Come on Paul," Jill said, "I'll tell everyone it was my idea... pleeeease?"

"Prime, do we have too," Paul asked.

"It's a perk," he said, "you know of having a GBF."

Paul opened his mouth to speak then paused.

"Please Paul," Jill pleaded, bouncing paws on the bed, "I know you like that song."

"Fine," Paul said, "but liking Madonna doesn't make you gay."

"Well, duh," Jill said, "Liking dudes does. It's like you're clueless."

"Yeah, I get what gay is," Paul said, grabbing his back pack, "Don't we have homework."

He lay watching the ceiling.

"Hey, Timmy," Jill asked, "Are there more gay guy's in any of our classes?"

Neither he or Paul spoke for a bit.

"I-I don't know," he said.

"And even if we," Paul said, "I mean he, knew, probably not his place to tell everyone."

"Good point," Jill said, kicking her pads against the side of the bed frame, "but wouldn't you want a gay friend or boyfriend?"

His nose burned as he sat up, "Well, yeah but I kinda only just figured it out and I haven't been looking for anyone else."

Paul's ears jumped.

"Else, Timmy," Jill asked, "do you have a crush?"

"Maybe... I don't know," he said.

Paul avoided his eyes while going to the door, "bathroom."

"Oh Goddess, that's so cute," Jill said, sniffing, "But let's do homework when he gets back, Paul doesn't seem to like talking about this, you can dish now that he's not in the room."

His nose burned as he rummaged in his bag.

Jill's eyes widened sweeping back to the door, "Timmy you like Paul, does he know?"

"I think so," he murmured.

Jill sat waiting.

"I really like him," he said, "but he likes you and I don't think he can like me the way I like him."

"Sometimes, I feel the same," Jill said, "Not just about Paul but all guys, I hate being a mule."

"Don't say that," he snapped, "you're not a mule, you are a beautiful and wonderful hybrid, if I was a girl I'd kick anyone's butt in the girl's room who bullied you."

Jill's eyes twinkled, "Ah, that's sweet but I just can't picture you as a girl."

"Me neither," He scoffed, "I wish Paul wasn't Pridian."

"Goddess me too," Jill said, nuzzling his shoulder, "He's all mopey and anxious now."

"Yeah, I don't like it," he said, grabbing his note book, "I wish momma hadn't gone back to church again. You didn't have to invite me... to the dance."

"Timmy, I asked you to ask you," Jill said, "I thought you were cute then you came out and it made things easier."

"How," he asked, "How is me being like this easier."

"Well, a couple reasons," Jill said, "I realized I was a barbdick, I get mocked for being a mule and I was being homophobic... it wasn't okay. But other than it made crushing on my besties easier cause now I can move on from you."

"Wait you like liked me," he said ears and nose burning.

"Totally, Timmy you are super cute," Jill said, then laughed, "You smell so good when you're embarrassed."

"So... happy, I can accommodate you," he said, he wrapped his arm back around her, "I wrote a poem want to hear."

"Sure, is it for that Poetry night," Jill asked.

"Sorta," he said, opening to the page he marked.

He read, "My blue eyes see a world brand new. Lights that shine in the dark like a cat. I will be brave, like you were and are still. The mud and curse come like a flood. My blue eyes stand firm holding back tides. Height towers above if only my love were ours."

Jill sat a moment.

"That's about Paul and the bullies," Jill asked.

"Yeah, I was scared frozen," he said, "Then Paul stood up for you and I knew I could too."

"I love and hate that day," Jill said, "I love it more though."

He perked an ear.

"Such a dork," Jill said, "It's cause I met you, I might not have met you if not for those bullies."

"Thanks Jill," he hugged her, "I'm going to check on Paul and print the permission forms."

"Cool, I'll be here," Jill said, "reading through the history essay prompt."

"Sweet, be right back," he said leaving the room.

Paul's claws clicked together from the other side of the bathroom door.

"You ok in there," he asked.

"Go away," Paul said.

"Seriously, that's getting old," he said leaning on the door frame, "We have homework, and you're acting weird."

"No, I'm, being normal," Paul said, shuffling around, "you know, considering everything, I'm trying to be as normal as I can."

"Just open the door," he said.

Paul cracked the door, "I can't be around you, Jill will smell it."

"Really," he asked, "I can't smell it, you're always doing that cat thing where you dampen your scent."

"Jill, has a crazy nose," Paul said, the door opening more.

"What will she smell," he asked.

"Nothing never mind," Paul said, "what are we doing?"

"Permission forms," he said, "are you going to start avoiding me?"

"I don't want too," Paul said, whirling around marching to the shower, "I'm afraid I have too."

"Is that what you want," he asked, "you're my best friend..."

"I love you and Jill," Paul said, "but one is right and one I like."

"You feel right to me," he said.

"I wish I could," Paul said, "I don't know what's right, and Jill needs me, I promised to always be there for her."

"I just want to help," he said.

Momma called from the bottom of the stairs, "Should I bring the snack up or will you all comedown? It's your favorite cucumber sandwiches and cucumber salad."

"Be right down mom," Paul yelled, then pushed past him saying, "Jill can never know it would only hurt her."

Chapter 26 Paul now:

Paul double checked the kitchen orders for the second time muttering to himself, "Fucking Oliver, I was there when your family kicked you to the curb and you fucking do this."

He checked that he remained alone, and wrote a group text, "Dear Mr. and Mrs. Clark, I know it's been a long while, I live in the Seattle area now but I haven't been able to say hello. It's been a long time I want to invite you to Jill's and my baby shower this week. I sent a Muzzlebook invite, I'm sorry about everything that happened with Timmy."

He held the swipe to delete the message then quickly pocketed his phone as footsteps and fir approached the storeroom.

Stacy's long orange and white nose and yellow eyes poked around the door, "I finally tracked you down, are you ok your scents been all over the place today?"

"No, and yes," he said, "Oliver and I, well and Xander and I had a fight, plus Jill's in town."

"Oh My Alpha," Stacy said, alto bouncing, straightening her white blouse and blue necklace, "why are you even at work?"

"Mostly cause of the fights," he said shrinking, "I'm all confused."

"Was it a bad fight," Stacy asked standing in the doorway.

"Yeah, trust breaking," he said, "but I have a ton of old and new emotions boiling up with the baby."

"Do you want to head home," Stacy said, retying her serving apron.

"If you were anyone else," he said, "I'd assume you wanted to be the manager."

"Please," she said, "I've always wanted to be the manager."

Jimmy one of the line cooks, a beaver, ran over, "Stacy, lunch rush is starting, hey Paul."

"I'm fine," he said, "I'll have lunch then take over front of house, you can do the orders if you want Stacy."

"Gross, you can have it," she said, "See you on the floor."

"Uhm, Paul," Jimmy said, "Someone's waiting for you at booth six."

"Who, I wasn't expecting anyone," he asked.

"Don't know," Jimmy said, "Karey asked me to pass that along."

He hung the order-log clipboard back on the wall then headed back into the kitchen, "Erik stop boiling your quills and use tooth picks."

"So close, dude," Jimmy razzed Erik.

"Shut up man, these look better-"

The kitchen door closed behind him, he couldn't see past the booth partition.

He moved parallel to the table to a serving isle, Sean's black, brown and grey profile turned to him as he froze. Damnit, he'll get up if I try and leave. He made his way to the booth where Sean sat paws on the table edge and the partition ready to follow him if he left.

"So, you came to my work," he said.

"Yeah, I wanted to talk," Sean said baritone hesitant, light green eyes searching his, "I'll get you lunch."

"What would we have to say," he asked, arms crossed, "and my lunches are comped here."

"Well, I do want to talk," Sean said, ears down, "I understand if you don't want too."

"Talk, you want to talk," Paul snapped, people glancing over at him, "you came to my work," he sat dropping his voice, "What the actual fuck do we have to talk about."

"Well, I-"

"I don't know you," he said, "you're Xander's friend, and he's shown he isn't or doesn't know how to be a friend to me."

"I know I don't know you," Sean said, "I avoided meeting you, cause I have issues, not your fault, but I-I'm uncomfortable around-"

"I don't care about knowing you," he said clicking extended claws, maybe this will make him leave, his tail whipped the bench seat, "I get that being raped fucked you up, and you have personal issues, maybe you can keep them at bay long enough not to fuck up other people's relationship's."

Sean choked on air, "you're right I have things to apologize for, and after that comment so do you. I get the feeling that you understand Xander and Oliver's mistake but you're still hurting over it-"

"Hurting over it," he snapped, "No, I'm thankful cause I got to realize the kind of friends I really have."

"You have a friend in Oliver," Sean said, "this isn't about me or Xander, its about Oliver I have my own issues and I'm sorry Xander's and my past caused this... but Oliver isn't in a good place, I'm not in a good place so I can tell."

"Why should I care," he asked ears dropping, don't cry don't show your feelings.

"Come on Paul," Sean said, "What Oliver, Xander and I did wouldn't have hurt if you didn't have feelings for Oliver and at least some for Xander. You know he's zoning out and having flashbacks."

"So, he's remembering," he said pulling in his claws, it's not my problem just cut them out, to feel is just not worth it, his tail froze, "why is it a big deal to remember."

"Well, I guess you don't know," Sean said, "for those that have been through trauma, you don't remember you relive it, the last few times I started having flash backs I nearly killed myself, Xander stopped me each time."

Would you have really done it," he asked softly, unable to look away from Sean's light green eyes.

"Yes," Sean said, "I nearly broke my promise to Xander that I'd never do that to him, I don't know Oliver as well as you, and I wouldn't have come if you hadn't blocked him. He wants to apologize and have dinner. Plus, I think you'll notice what I'm talking about when you see him."

"It's not my job," he said as Sean stood, "I have my own shit to deal with. I didn't need this whole mess y'all caused."

"I know and I'm sorry," Sean said, "I get that you're done talking with me I'll head out eat somewhere else, just know I don't think he has been thinking clearly since that call with his dad let alone starting his meds."

"You think that excuses that shit," he snapped, ears and hackles raising when people looked his way.

"Hey, it's up to you," Sean said, "If you ever considered him a friend, you yourself as much as him deserve to talk it out. I never explained to Xander my shit and he felt strung along. You don't want regrets like this, just think about it."

Sean didn't let him speak turning and a walking out.

Sean's such a fucking know-it-all, look at me I'm super understanding, you should relax and watch in fuck everyone you know, he sat paws rubbing his muzzle, he startled when he uncovered his blurred eyes what had been fluffy white fur and blue eyes resolved into Stacy's orange and yellow.

"Are you ok," Stacy asked.

"Yeah, kinda," he said.

"You know that guy," Stacy asked, "That's the cat hater from the news?"

Ha, I could totally... no, don't be a sheath rinse, he popped his neck, "Not a cat hater, he has, err had a cat allergy, anyway what's up?"

"Oh, you don't smell well," Stacy said glancing at the entry, "that wolf smelled of Oliver, is that the problem."

"Probably part of it," he said, "remember how Max left Jill, Oliver was never with anyone and then he was, just not me. I am jealous but I know I shouldn't be."

"Hey, Max is a selfish shiteater," Stacy said, "I said Jill could do better, Max is so focused on looking like a good guy he never learned to be one. Anyway, it's ok to be jealous it's your feelings."

"Is," he asked eyes wide, "you still talk to him?"

"Alpha no," Stacy said, "but I doubt he could change, I'll get you lunch what do you want."

"A tuna Reuben," he said, "do you think I can change?"

"Isn't that the point of your code," Stacy said, standing, "I wouldn't stick around here if you couldn't."

They side hugged then she checked on the rest of her tables.

He rested his chin on his paws, in chat things were great then he shut down.

Oliver's scent grew more spicy as I snuggled in closer, I wrapped his big arm over my shoulder, while on my living room couch.

He grinned at me, "You're purring."

"I can't help it," I said, nuzzling into his side, "you're so hot and it's not like we haven't talked for the last... ah years."

"Sounded better in your head," he said.

"Shout up, I can't talk around you," I said, vibrating from head to tail.

He placed his other paw over his heart, with mock wide eyes, "You've never been at a loss for words... woah, your pupil can go round."

"For you lots of things dilate," I said.

He laughed at me stifling my arousal.

"Sorry, I haven't been flirted at," he said, "well, not much and you're a tad direct."

"But you like it," I asked, prepped to scoot away.

"I like you," he said, "you're all I have."

"I'm glad you came to visit," I said, I am all he has? My eye brows cramped, "What about you're school friends?"

"No... no one else knows me," he said, "you know me the best out of the people still talking to me."

I snuggled back into his side, "Let me know how to help, you're ok, I have you."

He froze not breathing.

"Oliver, are you ok," I asked, "I think you just need to relax."

"Wh-what did you say," he hissed, amber eyes wide.

"What's wrong," I asked.

"I, you can't say that," he sputtered, pushing me away.

"Say what, what did I say," I asked my phone started buzzing in my pocket.

He got up eyes glassy.

"Oliver what's wrong," I asked.

He didn't answer going into the bathroom.

I answered my phone, "Hey, it's Paul."

"It's Stacy, Jill just showed up," she said.

"Woah, what's wrong," I asked, the shower starting.

I looked back toward the hall way, Tanner peeked out his door eye brow and ear perked, I gave a half shrug.

"Jill just showed up," Stacy said, "Like with everything, you know, everything she had at Max's, Paul she said Max broke off their engagement."

"What the fuck," I said, craws prickling my paw, "is she ok."

"No," she said, "I don't know what to do, I have to go to work, but I can't leave her with my roommates to watch her, she keeps crying about hating being a mule and no one can love her."

"That bastard," I yelled jumping up, "I'll drive right down."

"Okay, I'll call it," she said, "I think it should be fine if I'll just be a couple hours late."

"Thanks Stacy see you soon," I said.

Tanner wandered down the hall, "Hey, Paul what's wrong with your buddy?"

"I have no idea," I said, huffing out a breath, "I have to head down to Portland last minute."

"Is he the potential third," he asked.

"Maybe," I said, "He still wants his own place, so that spare's your music room for now."

"I can pay more," he said, "I mean if he doesn't need the room."

"Please, I know you can't," I said, "It's ok, I don't need the money."

"What should I tell him," he asked.

"Just call or text," I said grabbing my wallet, "you know, whenever he gets out."

"So why the trip," he asked following me while I looked for my keys.

Should I tell him, is it my place, I found them then said, "My bestie's asshole fiancé just left her."

"Oh, Jill, is she ok," he asked.

I headed to the door, "I doubt it, I'm going to be there for my family this time."

"I have your food, Paul," Stacy said, "Yo, wake up space cadet."

"Oh, sorry was thinking," he said.

"Noticed, want a drink," Stacy asked.

"Bourbon, but I'm at work," he said.

"Got it, water on the rocks," Stacy winked, heading over to the bar.

He pulled out his phone while nibbling at his sandwich.

Opening Muzzlebook he looked through his blocked profiles, Timmy, Oliver and Xander.

He selected Oliver's name then hovered over the unblock the selected button, but the unblock all called to him.

The cup landing on the table, as Stacy breezed past startled him.

A new pop up lit his phone, confirm unblock all.

He clicked accept, then messaged Oliver, "dinner at break at seven, we can talk then."

He locked his phone, the screen lit with, "I'll be there."

Chapter 27 Oliver:

Oliver reached the host desk at Purrfection.

"Hey Homewrecker," Stacy said.

"What," he asked, "I, I'm not."

"Ok that joke failed," Stacy said, "Was teasing about your long stay at Paul's. What'd you think I meant?"

"Oh, nothing," he said, "where's Paul?"

"Back in the kitchen," Stacy said, "Do you know why he's being such a space case today?"

"Family drama," he said.

"So you," Stacy asked.

He stood a moment.

"Jill's fine right," Stacy asked.

"As far as I know," he said, while Stacy led him to a table, the club's soft beat buzzed the wall, "she got in, and now is having dance dance Arab Spring in the living room according to Tanner. What ever that means."

"Alpha, I need to smack that guy," Stacy said, "he needs a filter."

"He's half Turkish," he said.

"Is that an explanation of some kind," Stacy asked.

"Yeah," he said, "I think he sees it as ok, because he's part of that culture."

"Please, he's totes American," Stacy said, "and that's mocking Arabs and Turks."

"Well feel free to smack him," he said.

"Oh, I will," Stacy said, "I'll let Paul know you're here."

"Thanks babe," he said winning a smirk.

He pocketed his phone glancing around the room. He shrank in his seat when he spotted Neal's large framed Otter profile at the bar.

"Hey," Paul said appearing next to him.

"Oh hey," he said, do I hug him, I don't know what to do, he stood, "I miss you and I-I'm sorry."

Paul looked like he was eating something sour but hugged him briefly.

They sat.

"Paul, I know I fucked up," he said, "And I'm sorry for what I said on the phone."

"I appreciate the blanket statement," Paul said arms crossed.

"I know," he said, "That's cause I have so much to apologize for. It's like I can't think anymore."

"Well, I wish you would," Paul said, "I have enough to deal with right now without this bullshit."

"It's my fault," he said, "I didn't think... Sean kept pulling away. I thought he didn't want to be with me. I knew he had feelings for Xander, I kinda used that."

"Is that supposed to help," Paul asked, with a sneer, "how is that supposed to make things better?"

"I don't want better," he said, "this is all cause I kept secrets cause I thought I'd loose the only friend I had left. You're the only family I have, I thought if I lied you wouldn't reject me."

"Interesting," Paul said, "It wasn't a secret that slept with Xander."

"No, it was a coward," he said.

Paul opened his mouth but a clatter from the kitchen interrupted, "Be right back."

Paul left the table.

Just slam your head into the table, a concussion would be nice right about now, he played with his new phone for a few moments.

"Oh, Hey handsome," Neal said, taking a seat with the flowing grace of the slightly drunk, "How's my handsome leather cat."

"I'm not into leather Neal," he said, "Fancy seeing you here, and so... lubricated."

"Not lubricated, yet," Neal said, huffing, "Oh, you haven't met my man Fred, I can introduce you two."

"Oh, that's ok," he said, "Another time is-"

"Evening, I'm Luke," a grey bat server said, "can I get you two-"

"I want the salmon croquettes," Neal said, "Xander raved about them and didn't even need, like glow sticks."

"And for you sir," Luke asked.

"Pan seared Cod," he said, "Neal I was-"

"Any drinks," the nervous bat asked.

"Water for me," he said.

"Appletini," Neal said.

The bat headed to the kitchen.

Moments later Paul came back to the table, scrunched eyebrows glaring at Neal's back.

He shrugged helplessly, "Paul this is Neal, Xander and Sean's friend."

Neal stared blearily at Paul for a moment then beamed with a huge smile, "If your Boot's this must be Puss."

"You're deductive reasoning is amazing," Paul said taking his old seat.

Neal swiveled around to the bar.

Paul gestured at him then Neal with, "What the hell."

He shrugged while gesturing that Neal was drunk.

Neal waved at someone.

Paul glared blue daggers at him till Neal's happy face rounded on them.

"Oliver, and... Puss," Neal said, "This is my partner Fred. Isn't he super-hot."

Paul's eyes widened into black and blue saucers, "Oh he-he is."

He chuckled at Paul who kicked him under the table.

"Honey, I was worried," Fred said, "When did you start-"

"Sit honey," Neal said gesturing at the chair across from him, "This is Oliver, Sean's boyfriend and Xander's... Puss."

He laughed earning both another blue-eyed glare and kick.

"Ouch, geez, that was funny."

"Hello Fred, I'm Paul the Manager here."

Fred took the indicated chair.

"Sorry to intrupt your dinner," Fred said.

"It's fine," Neal said, "I've been wan..." Neal hiccuped, "wanting you all too meet them."

"Honey, maybe if they agreed," Fred said.

Paul shrugged at him.

"Yeah, it's fine," he said, "As long as Neal stops calling Paul Puss."

"Ouch," Fred said glancing under the table.

"Shit," Paul said, "I ah... hey, have you eaten here before?"

"Yes, we have," Fred said, "Sean's litterday."

"I had the catfish," Neal said, leering at him and Paul, "Cause I love cats."

"Honey," Fred said sternly then turned back to Paul, "I had the avocado pine-nut salad. It was very good."

"Yeah, it's based on a friend's fav," Paul said, "I had the Chef spruce it up a bit."

"It had spruce in it," Fred asked.

"No... is that even edible," Paul asked.

"He's joking," Neal said.

"Sorry Sarcasm fail," Fred said.

They sat silent for a moment.

Luke came to the table with Neal's Appletini and two waters, "Oh, I'll get more water and are you two ready too... oh, boss it's your table. Wh-what will you have?"

"I'd like the fish Katsu," Paul said, "Fred?"

"Oh the mango plantain seaweed-salad," Fred said, then gestured at Neal, "and can I close his tab please."

"Uhm, yes," Luke said looking at Paul in panic.

"Ask Kevin," Paul said, "he'll show you how to print the ticket."

"Thanks Boss," Luke said running off.

"New guy," Oliver asked.

"His Parent's kicked him out," Paul said.

"Oh," Oliver said taking a deep gulp of water, fuck, he's such a good guy why'd I do this, then wiped his wet eyes.

"Cute and a nice guy," Neal said leaning into Paul's personal space, "You're a keeper," Neal turned cheek near Paul's, "Fred?"

"Neal, no," Fred said.

Paul quirked an eye brow at him.

He said, "I think he want's to keep you."

"Oh no," Paul said, "I'm with Xander."

"Are you," he asked, Paul kicked him.

"Xander's gotten so hot," Neal said, "I love that he grew out that mane, I don't know he could."

"Honey, we're in public," Fred said through gritted teeth, "I wish you would stop doing this."

"I will when I forget," Neal said.

"Schedule an Appointment or I will," Fred said.

"With that idiot the know-nothing," Neal snapped, "I just want to forget and all Johnson wants to do is talk about it."

"Wait," he said, "You're seeing a talk therapist for trauma?"

"Saw, he's a know nothing," Neal said.

Paul and Fred watched him.

"My talk therapist in college," he said shifting in the seat, "told me that the talk was only helpful for coming up with life strategies but I needed EMDR for the actual trauma. I know I need to go in again, my flash backs have started again. I convinced Sean to go, you should too."

"You had it happen," Neal asked.

"Yeah," he said.

"What camp," Neal asked.

"No, the other thing," he said.

"Oh," Neal said, "Sean wear's a mask, I drink."

Everyone sat a moment.

"I work," he said, "And forget."

Luke brought the check for Neal's drinks and the rest of the waters.

Paul stared at Fred.

"You ok Paul," he asked.

"Yeah," Paul said startling at eye contact with Fred, "I think everyone could do with some counseling."

Paul looked away from him and Fred.

Neal's appletini disappeared when he wasn't looking.

Neal said, "I almost want to remember being surrounded by so many hot guys."

"I think if I let him," Fred said, "He'd use sex as a coping strategy."

Paul's cinnamon soured, "What are those camps like."

"Brain wash-e," Neal said.

Their food arrived.

"I would like to know," Paul asked.

"Well, they have you read," Neal said digging into his salmon patties, "The bible, and service work is all you do, then they try and desensitize you, you know, to what you naturally want."

"Xander said they hurt you," he said.

"Yes and no," Neal said, "They do some but they want to get you to the point that you hurt yourself as punishment for your thoughts. It's all about hating yourself... and hanging around."

Fred pounded the table, "Stop it Neal, you only talk like this when you're drunk."

"I'm sorry honey," Neal said, "I don't get why you're with me, I'm so fucked up."

"I love you," Fred said, checking his phone, "Let's get you that counseling after the case..."

He grabbed his new phone, "I can get you-"

"Fuck..." Fred said, "I need to get you a cab, the opposing counsel got an afterhours hearing in the judge's chambers and Ashley's lawyer won't make it there in time."

"I'll call Xander," Neal said.

"He's at my place," he said to Neal, then shriveled under Paul's glare.

"Can that kid re-run my card," Fred asked, "I really have to go sorry about this."

"Don't worry, I have this," Paul said.

"Thanks," Fred said, giving Neal a quick kiss, "Get my number from Neal, I'll cover the next one."

They watched Fred head out the door.

"How much did you drink," Paul asked Neal.

"Enough to not know," Neal said.

"Great," he said tapping the table to get Paul's attention, "Last time Neal was like this around me he tried to go to bed with me."

"Tried," Paul asked, "I didn't realize you had self-control."

"Like I said, Neal," he said shifting to focus away from Paul, "I never went, but neighbors sent their shelter kit. He was a Snowshoe Cat, damn what was his name. Prime time flies."

"Did he come back," Neal asked, wide eyed.

"No," he said, "but I think the family moved, they were Seventh Day Pack, not Witnesses."

Neal's fern scent soured.

"I can't believe that," Paul said, "Shelter Parents can send kits to conversion?"

"Believe it or not, they can," He said.

"I think," Neal gulped, "I'm going to be sick."

"I wasn't in religion very long," Paul said, "but they sure taught me to feel guilty fast."

"At least you got to choose," he said, "I never chose to leave the faith, it forced me out, and it only hit home when my dad called."

Paul's ears dropped, "I didn't think of that, I just thought you were better off now."

"No, I'm a mess," he said, "I don't know what I'm doing most of the-"

"Fuck," Neal bolted from the table.

"Should we go after him," He asked.

"Eventually," Paul said, "Boots I'm a mess too and you really hurt me, I didn't know my dad and you attacked my confidence."

"I know," he said, "I'm sorry for what I said, and what I didn't."

"I'll stop being a barbdick," Paul said, "but stop sleeping with Xander."

"he's at my place," he said, "but nothing sexual... plus I think he's more cat then he lets on, I might be a risk."

"Aww, so Sean was a condom," Paul said, his eyes playful for the first time since he got there.

"I guess... anyway," he said.

Paul laughed, "you embarrass so easy."

He said, "Not everyone had a communal family."

"Don't talk about that," Paul snapped.

"Then what do I say," he said.

"So, Sean said you're mind fucked," Paul said, "How are you really?"

"Pretty bad," he said, "I keep having flashbacks and I can't remember bits of my day I feel like I'm having a nervous breakdown. I'm trying not to have all these secrets anymore."

"I, I think I should..." Paul said, "Where's Neal, I assumed he'd be back by now."

Chapter 28 Timmy:

"Oh, my gosh," she said smoothing Timmy's hair with her spit, "My lamb is a man a big strong man."

"Gross mom," He said, "Just use the styling gel."

His black suit fit snuggly against his sheared body.

"Son," dad said from the bathroom door, "be very careful with your paws you're much bigger than her."

"Yeah dad, I know," he said, "It's not like we haven't danced before, we have a class on it."

"Timothy, that was rude," she said.

"Sorry dad," he said.

"It's ok, you're that age," dad said, "we are bound to bump heads, a little, till you're all grown up."

"Head down and everything," he said grinning at dad.

"Damn straight."

"Lawrence, language," she said, "honey, remember God's watching so be mindful with your paws with Jill."

"Gross mom, I'd never," He said, "Oh no, you are not tag teaming me with the talk are you?"

"Honey, I'm not worried," dad said, grabbing something from out of view, "now I don't think you should but I won't be that parent that doesn't think not having one would be a deterrent."

"It's true honey," she said, "particularly now that you know your compatible with Jill."

"No, please stop talking," he said nose bright red.

Her nose matched his, "Honey, it's part of growing up, and Jill is old and more mature, so I'm not worried, but you should have one."

The gold crinkling small package made him squirm, when dad set it in his paw.

"Thanks, but I won't need it," he said shrinking into his shoulders.

"Good, Jill's not a big girl," dad said, "if you take after the family that would be damaging."

"Lawrence," she said holding her cheeks.

"Mom, dad, Jill she's... you know," he said, "like a big sister, I'm not attracted to her."

"It's ok," she said, "someday you might be, and if you were attracted to her-"

"No mom, I can't be," he said, choking on the lump in his throat.

She knit her eye brows, "What do you mean."

Dad glared from the door.

"I uh..." he said, looking between dad and her, "I wrote it down."

"Wrote what down," she asked.

He pushed past them, they followed to his bedroom.

He grabbed the bigger of his four journals.

"So, you know I like poetry," he said, "I wrote it down as a poem."

He took a deep breath, then read, "When you look at me what do you see? The person I am, Or the person you want me to be. When you look at me what do you do? Accept me for who I am, Or direct me to be someone else. When you look at me what do you know? My hopes and dreams, Or only those you have for me. When you look at me what do you want? I am your son for all time, I am your family for all time, I am your friend for all time, I am also gay for all time."

The room fell silent but for frantic heart beats.

She stared at him them to dad.

"Uh, say something," he said.

"I... honey, I..." She said, "I didn't know you felt that-"

"You're too young to know," dad said.

"No, I'm not," he said, "I looked it up in your dictionary, I know what gay is."

"I-I can't believe that," dad said, "How can you know you like... that, if you've never tried liking a girl?"

"Have you tried," he asked, paws balled, "I know I'm not attracted to Jill even though I think she's pretty."

"I don't think he should go," dad said.

"Honey, no," she said, "You need to cool down and we need to think and pray, what would he do at the dance that would be different then if he hadn't told us."

"He might dance with a boy," dad said.

"Honey, he and Paul have danced," she said, "you are over reacting, and it couldn't have been easy to bring up."

"Thanks mom," he said, eyes joining his burning nose, "I don't like hiding, you're my parents I'll always tell you. I don't want to lie about things."

"Like when," Dad choked then coughed, "Like when you broke my Nicaraguan plate... But It's not safe though."

"It'll will be ok honey," she said.

"I'm going to go pray," dad said.

"Not going to see me off," he asked.

"I, no I can't," dad held out his paw.

He took it, shaking it, then trying to give dad a hug, but dad flinched away, frowning then headed to the office locking the door behind.

She placed a paw on his back, "well, honey we didn't see that coming, give him some time... let's get the corsage and head over."

"Does he hate me," he asked as they walked downstairs to the kitchen. Overdue bills sat on the edge of the counter.

"No honey," she said, opening the fridge, then ran to the counter grabbing the bills tucking them by the fridge, "I love you no matter what. Your father, well... he'll come around. He and I have had an idea of who you are. It just changed... who you'd love, how we will be a family and how we'd have grandlambs."

"I'm the same," he said.

She reached up to cup his muzzle, "Yes you are, we have to change and change is hard... I love you no matter what little ram, and please have fun tonight."

He hugged her, "I love you mom, I still wish I could be more like you. Your beautiful inside and out."

She wiped her eyes, "Thank you," she checked her wrist watch, "Oh, we have to get going."

"I can run over," he said.

"Ok honey, Please be safe," she said opening the door, "oh, don't eat the corsage no matter who pressures you, the flowers are dyed it's not good to eat."

"I won't mom," he said, waving from the end of the driveway near the bright amber light of the street lamp.

"I'm proud of you," she called after him.

He trembled, "I told them, what will Paul and Jill say?"

He jogged to Paul's house, then skipped up to the door walking straight in, "Paul I'm here."

"In the kitchen," Momma Russo called back.

He passed down the open hall looking over the living room and the staircase.

Paul stood back to him tail darting back and forth while Momma fussed with his collar.

"Oh, Timmy," Momma said, tearing when she looked up, "Pauliwog and you are so handsome I have to get a picture."

"Prime mom, you're embarrassing," Paul groaned, trying to pull away from momma's fussing.

Momma held his collar till finished then rushed off.

Paul's eyes widened, and ears dropped when first seeing him.

"Paul, are suits match," he said with a laugh.

Paul covered his eyes, "no, no no no."

Cinnamon spiced up then all but vanished from Paul.

Momma came back, "when your mom told me where she got your suit Timmy, I decided to go there too, isn't Timmy handsome Paul?"

"What," Paul asked.

"Oh, honey it's ok," momma said, pinching Paul's cheek, "you're handsome too."

"Gross mom."

"Paul, should we wait for Jill," he asked.

"Oh," momma said, "I'll get some with her too, but I want one of just my boys."

"Mom, come on," Paul said.

"Make me happy," Momma said, "stand closer."

We moved elbow to shoulder.

"Arms across each other's backs," Momma said, gesturing back and forth with the camera lens.

He wrapped an arm around Paul's Shoulders.

Paul stiffened at the touch.

"Relax Paul," he said, licking Paul's ear.

Momma laugh dabbing at her eyes, but Paul elbowed him in the side hissing so Momma couldn't hear, "What the hell dude, not cool."

"Smile," Momma said, then waited, "...I said smile honey, that's a grimace."

The camera still clicked.

"Better," Paul said through gritted teeth.

"No," momma said, "Picture that time Jill hide combs in Timmy's hair... Great."

Momma rushed over to group hug them around the middle.

"Mom stop it," Paul said, "you're messing up my fur."

"You'll be fine," he said, "And did you check your e-mail I got my clinic results?"

"No, be right back," Paul said bowing out of the hug.

When Paul left, Momma stepped up whispering, "I don't mean to make you uncomfortable?"

"What's up," he asked.

"Well... I," Momma said, "You two are being safe, right?"

"Yeah, we are safe," he said eyebrows knit, "Well, Paul does go to fast."

"Oh My," Momma said, wide eyed holding her muzzle. Cinnamon going very spicy.

Momma swallowed slowly, "but you two are safe that's good."

"Yeah, we always have our helmets," he said.

"Oh, you have access," momma gulped, "good."

"Yeah, Jill replaced the broken ones," he said.

Momma's eye grew to the breaking point, "You got them from Jill... your all uhm, playing."

"We've always played," he said.

"I guess, I should be surprised," momma said tail whipping.

His eyes widened, "what are we talking about?"

"Things you may be trying," momma said smelling of cinnamon gone tart.

He stepped back, "Woah, momma we haven't," he sputtered, bumping the wall, "neither of us have nor has Jill... I thought you were talking about bikes and all that."

Momma laughed, "Thank the heavens, I was shocked at what I thought I was hearing. Jill is older but still."

Paul came running down the stairs, happy muzzle shifting to confusion, "what's wrong?"

"Just a miss communication," Momma said.

"Okay..." Paul said when no one added more Paul continued waving the paper he held, "So, I have a low conception score but a fairly high gestation score."

"That's interesting honey," Momma said.

"Yeah, they had notes," he said, reaching for the paper folded in his suit pocket.

Paul read, "Be advised that natural conception will be difficult. Artificial implantation is advised for all conception scores below forty percent. Additionally, a conception score will decrease after consecutive failed attempts... well my gestation scores over seventy isn't that great?"

"Sweet, now we can write it up," he said, unfolding the paper, "I got a seventy-ninety split for my scores."

"Oh... that's higher," Paul said deflating.

"Yeah," He said, "But Jill would still pick you first."

"I guess," Paul said.

The doorbell's chiming tone filled the hall, then the door opened Jill sped in, "Dad, why did you do that I never even knock? Nice suits guys, so what do you think?"

Jill spun showing off her cherry blossom pink maxi dress, Papa and Momma Greyhouse followed her inside.

"It's perfect," he said, "I told you that pink was perfect for you."

"I know," Jill said, filling the room with Nutmeg, Ivy and Catnip mixed Cinnamon, "I didn't think I could pull it off... who knew."

Papa Greyhouse stayed holding the door till Mom stepped in from her walk over.

"Great, everyone ready for photos," Momma Russo asked.

"Mom please no," Paul groaned.

"Oh hush," Momma Russo said, "you'll all thank us someday."

"Where's Lawrence," Papa Greyhouse asked.

"He, uhm something came up," she said.

"Is everything ok," Momma Russo asked.

"Yes, but... uhm," she said floundering.

"I came out," he said, everyone looking at him, "I guess it was a shock."

Everyone's eyes, but Jill's, shifted to a frozen Paul.

Paul dropped his ears, Papa Greyhouse said, "Well, good for you son."

"Oh, yeah Jill," He said, "We got the clinic results, mine are fine, Paul tell her about yours."

"We are compatible," Paul said, shifting, "Mostly, if we can conceive that is."

"Goddess, that's awesome," Jill said jumping, then nearly fell, "Ok, so no jumping in heals."

"Yes," Momma Russo Said, "still snapping pictures, "I can barely walk in them."

"Well, if you need a ride," Momma Greyhouse asked.

"No mom," Jill said, "So lame, we'll walk."

"Ok, then everyone together," Momma Russo ordered.

We stood near the fireplace for the photo.

Jill in the middle holding our paws.

His shoulder jerked as Jill jumped using Paul and his arms as a swing, "Guys, this is going to be the best night ever, ever."

"Let's get to the dance first," he said.

"I get the first dance," Paul said, "Timmy will break your paw if he steps on it,"

"Funny," he said.

"Ok everyone, one more smile," Papa said.

"Cheese."

Chapter 29 Xander:

Xander re-racked the bar, then moved to a machine. Great, I need to get a new spotter, Sean's now lifting with Oliver too.

He set the machine to fit him and started his Chest Flies three by eight sets.

His phone buzzed interrupting a Cheat Code remix during his sixth rep of the set.

He finished his set pulling out his phone to silence it during his forty-five second set break.

Mom texted, "Honey, are we having food after the Arb?"

"Not sure," he texted, "Kinda playing it all by ear."

"Could you ask your man," momma texted.

He ignored the message doing his next set. I'd have to walk over to even ask.

"Could do," he texted, "But Jill's planning it."

"Oh, perfect we're IM'ing on Muzzle," Mom texted.

Am I like this because, of me, or cause of my mix... moving up weight next time, cool I guess, he noted his gains on his phone, then moved to the Lat pull down setting his new weight.

He broke a pant on his second set.

"Ok," Mom texted, "we are having a luncheon after, will you be able to make it or are you going to have to get back to work."

He did his last pull down set, Yeah, I have work and Paul will be glad to see me leave.

He moved to the Olympic curl bar while he texted, "I'll need to get back to work, my lunch is an hour. I guess I could do an hour after end of day, but it be pushing it."

"Does Paul have any food allergies," mom texted.

"I don't know," he texted, did dad always play with the others more than me? He set his weight then adjusted the seat.

His phone buzzed inturupting his song again, Why, even have music playing?

He struggled on the third rep of the set, Shit, I put on the wrong weight.

He changed to the right weight, then sat staring at his phone, Do I ask her, does being a mule make me like this?

"Honey, how do you not know," Mom texted, "are you making him cook for you?"

"No mom," he texted, "he just cooks or we eat out."

"Ok," mom texted, "ask him if he has allergies."

"I can't," he messaged, then redid the set.

He nearly dropped his weight on a downward extension with an inbound call ringing.

Panting he answered, "Hello."

"Honey, is everything ok," mom asked.

"Yeah mom, everything's..." he said, If Papa knows momma, mom and dad will know soon too, he punched the chest support, "No mom it's not, I screwed up."

"Do you need to talk," mom asked.

"Yeah, Sean's not impartial," he said.

"Sean's always impartial that's his job," mom said with a chuckle.

"No, you don't understand," he said.

"Honey, what happened," Mom asked.

"I did something stupid," he said, "now Paul wont talk to me."

"So it finally happened," mom said, "I was wondering when it would."

"Mom, I slept with Sean," he said dropping his voice and tucking his tail.

"I gathered that," mom said slowly, "and I assume Paul knew or I mean found out?"

"Yeah, I didn't mean to," he said, "but I've always wanted too."

"That's why you can't ask Paul," mom asked.

"Yeah mostly why," he said, "but that's not what I need to talk about."

Mom closed a door on the other end then asked, "Will you leave Paul for Sean?"

"I do love him, but no," he said, he left the seat for someone eyeballing it, "would I do all that cause I'm a mule, is it cause I don't know so much of myself?"

"No, being hybrid doesn't cause that," mom said, "loving someone else does."

"I didn't want to hurt Paul," he said, "I was just so worried about Sean and relieved, I didn't think."

"Relieved, honey what else happened," mom asked.

That's his story but I need someone to talk too, he drank from the drinking fountain on the far wall with no mirrors, he said, "Sean's been super depressed, I don't know what to do, he promised to get counseling but... I stopped him from jumping off the Aurora bridge yesterday."

His eyes burned, fuck not here, Alpha damnit.

Mom's breathing quieted, "I had no idea, but you're sure he's ok?"

"No mom," he said, "I nearly had a panic attack when I left for work. Oliver one of our friends is working from home and Sean's doing work over the phone."

"Honey, I'm sorry," mom said, "can you tell me why... is it cause of that camp?"

"Partially, what do I do," he said, walking to the back stairwell exit.

"About Sean or Paul," mom asked, "because i see you have to fix two problems."

"Everything, he's dating someone," he said, "I screwed up mom."

"it will all work out hun," mom said, "So why are you talking to me about this, you've never brought up your... ehm, relationships before?"

"Neal's M.I.A." He said, "Sean's... well fragile, Oliver is too, Paul's hurt, and Papa already figured it out and I go to you for everything else."

"True honey," mom said, "I am a little shocked."

"I'm sorry," he said, "I didn't mean to disappoint you."

"No, honey," mom said, "I'm not disappointed, you aren't malicious."

"Yeah, intent doesn't fix consciences," he said, side eye watching the end of the hallway.

"Well, do your best," mom said, "I'd pick the one you love."

"But he's dating," he said, "And I have feelings for both. It's like that for me, I know my dog loves Sean and always will, My cat side is getting feelings for Paul, but is that bit of me ok, I don't know who to love more."

Mom hummed for a moment, "You keep mentioning your cat side, it's not someone else."

"I guess but I'm different," he said, "you're the most similar to me but not the same, I felt out of place for years."

"Everyone is different honey," mom said.

Could you tell me about my biological dad?"

"Of course, he was like you," mom said, "he always wanted to help everyone, probably why he died."

He asked, "What how, Why would-"

"Honey," mom said, "While on deployment he wasn't on the flight roster but he took the duty flight when someone was too sick to be primary."

"So, it was a mistake," he said, "he shouldn't have died."

"Are you ok," mom asked.

He didn't answer.

Mom said, "in a perfect world no one would need too die."

"Paul's dad died too," he said.

"Yeah, we talked about it," mom said, "Is that the part that you're talking about, you found someone that feels different in the same way?"

"I guess," he said, "I just want everyone to be happy."

"Well that's hard," mom said, "you can't make people happy even if they say you do, you make you happy and they make themselves happy."

"I guess," he said, "That means I'm always looking for something I can't change."

"Yeah everyone is," mom said, "it might be hard but for lunch I do need to know if Paul has any food allergies."

"I'll figure something out," he said, "If nothing else Jill's the go to gal."

"Ah understood," mom said, "well now that we're talking about it, what else would you like to know about Alex?"

"I don't know," he said sinking down to his honches, "I tried not to think about it."

"Why was that," mom asked.

"I wanted dad to... you know," he said, scratching his shin, "I wanted to ignore it cause then dad might not treat me different."

"He, no, we, never... words failing," mom said then breathed deeply, "I'm sorry you felt that way."

"I don't think dad did," he said, "I felt different... wait, mom why weren't you surprised about me and Sean at all."

Who else would it be," mom said.

Half of the profiles on the hill flashed past, "Uhm, yeah, exactly."

"So, after the arb and work," he said, "do you want to get coffee?"

Sure, honey," mom said, then his phone buzzed.

I thought he blocked me, he stood, "Mom I'll talk to you soon Paul's calling."

"Love you, talk to you soon," mom said.

He ended the call and answered the new line, "Hey... I didn't ever expect to hear from you again... ever."

"Yeah, I wasn't sure either," Paul said tone frosty.

"Then why are you calling," he asked heading to his locker.

"We need a Herding dog," Paul said.

"Who's we and why," he asked.

"We may have lost Neal," Paul said.

He grabbed his wallet and key then plugged in his head phones, "Why do you assume I know where he is... and what do you mean you lost an adult."

"So, you can't find him," Paul asked, "anyway he's drunk and Fred asked Oliver to get him to you."

He opened friendtracker on his phone, "your herd-dog assumption is offensive, and I'll get him. Where were you guys?"

"Purrpection," Paul said.

"Ah, well I'm heading to him," he said.

"You track everyone's phone, don't you," Paul asked.

He didn't reply, Paul's probably smirking, he ran down the stairs and jogged down the street ignoring the chill, "Stop that."

"Stop what," Paul asked smugly.

"You know," he said.

"You're such a herd-dog," Paul said, "were you tracking me?"

"No, you blocked me," he said.

Paul only chuckled darkly.

He ran down hill on the rightside of Pine Street for a bit while Paul talked to Oliver.

"So planning to unblock me," he asked.

"Don't know," Paul said, "you cheated with-Oh hey, Oliver he's heading this way."

He hung up while Paul and Oliver crossed the street meeting him on the corner of Pine and eleventh Avenue.

"Cal Anderson," he said pointing north, "looks like he walked to the Park. So, what happened?"

"He was drunk," Paul said, "Oliver got him talking about camp, Fred got annoyed then got called to work, then Neal smelt like he was going to puke and ran to the bathroom...well, so we thought."

"Oh..." He said leading them down the west side of Eleventh, fuck he better behave this time, then he glanced at Paul, "Neal's a bit touchy about camp."

"Yeah Trauma does that," Oliver said.

Paul and Oliver walked with him leading the way along the trees by the diagonal parking.

He spotted the big brown guy sitting against a tree on the near north corner of the park staring at the sky.

Neal didn't move as they got closer, shit, I can smell the booze from here.

"Neal, you ok buddy," he asked crouching down.

Neal said nothing.

Why is he glaring at the power lines, he held out a paw, "Fred wanted me to look after you, come on Neal."

"No one wants me," Neal slurred, glazed brown eyes swiveling his way.

"That's not true," he said, "I want you in my life."

"Family leaves you," Neal slurred, "if friends are family they'll leave too."

"I don't, you're stuck with me," he said.

"Don't, I'm wrong," Neal snapped, wobbling up wrapping himself in his long arms.

"Are you cold," he asked, leading Neal to the sidewalk.

"No, I couldn't get cold," Neal slurred, moving where guided, "I had the wrong fur, Sean got cold."

"Sean has thick fur," he said Neal bumping against him, Sean's ice baths, Alpha damn that place, he held Neal closer, "Sean stays warm now and he's good at it."

"No... Fred shouldn't have the broken," Neal said, starting to cry, "I'm garbage, broken garbage."

"My place is the closest," Oliver said.

"Thanks Oliver," he said.

"I got to go," Paul said eyes wide, "I-I have to get back to work."

"Thanks for calling, I don't deserve it," he said.

Paul nodded then jogged off.

Oliver got under Neal's other shoulder.

Neal kept up a tirade of self-abuse at them, he and Oliver argued with as they stumbled along.

At Oliver's third floor, Sean met them.

Neal rushed Sean for a hug.

Inside Oliver's place he and Sean lead Neal to the master bedroom.

"I'll get water," Oliver said.

He and Sean undressed Neal and tucked him in.

"Why are we still here," Neal said.

"Shhh, it's ok," Sean said, "Neal, you aren't alone."

Oliver passed Neal the Water.

Sean helped Neal drink.

They tucked him in again while Oliver stepped out of the room.

Sean held Neal through the blankets.

Neal mumbled, "Tyler didn't move... he just stopped and I couldn't fix it."

"I know," Sean said, "I'm sorry Neal."

He left Neal to cry with Sean, holy shit, I kicked an ants nest.

Chapter 30 Paul then:

"Jill, don't do that," Paul said.

Timmy swooped in catching her.

"I can't help it, Paul," Jill said, "I'm just so happy I needed to skip."

"More like trip," he muttered.

"Why even wear heels," Timmy asked, "I mean, If you can't use them?"

"You've gotten way to tall," Jill said.

"There's no other option," he said teasing Timmy, "using a hatchet on your legs just isn't an option."

"If I'm too short," Jill said, "you'll have to dance with, Paul."

"What no," he yelled, then lowered his ears.

"Shut up Paul," Jill laughed, "you can't catch gay."

Timmy nudged his shoulder, "You have to have an existing case."

His hackles rose, he nearly hissed at Timmy.

"So ma'lords," Jill said, with a wobbly curtsy, "who shall escort this madden on the dance floor first."

He rolled his eyes, "Jill we don't have an escort service here."

"I'll do it," Timmy said, rubbing Jill's back, "by the way Jill, there's a poetry thing I want ed you and Paul to go too, it's called FLAG Poet Night."

"Kay, what's Flag," Jill asked.

He answered for Timmy, "its friends and family of lesbians and gays."

He froze then Jill and Timmy looked at him, "I looked up stuff, got to be supportive."

Timmy chuffed, "anyway Jill, will you go?"

"I haven't read much poetry," Jill said, while playing with the tip of her long tail, "but yeah, I mean why not it will be new and I might like it."

"Awesome," Timmy said, "the next one is in a month or so from now."

"Yeah, Paul you'll come too right," Jill asked, giving him a you better glare.

"I, well... ok I guess," he said, avoiding Timmy's confused look, "So, we got the results."

"Awesome," Jill said, "this is the best night ever."

"You don't even know the results," he said.

"I don't need too," Jill said, "you both would have avoided the subject if they were a clear negative compatibility."

"No I wouldn't," he said kicking a pebble, I don't do that do I?

"Whatever, you totally would," Jill said, lightly smacking his bicep with the back of her paw, "You'd be worried about me getting hurt about it, and Timmy wouldn't bring it up unless I asked."

"Woah, she's psychic," Timmy said twinkling eyes in the street lights.

"I'm not psychic," Jill said, "don't be jealous cause you're oblivious."

"Run Paul," Timmy said, jogging ahead, "if she's not psychic, she must be a witch."

He rolled his eyes, as Jill kicked off the heels to bare paw after Timmy.

He grabbed Jill's strappy pink heels.

"I told you to stop saying that," Jill said, jumping arms wrapped over Timmy's shoulders, "I'm Nightwatcher not a witch."

"semant- bleh, Ouch," Timmy said, Jill slightly choking Timmy, "jeeze, you're a wicked- bleh."

"Come on Jill," he said to them, "If you choke him out he could fall and ruin your dress."

"Don't worry Paul," Timmy said, wrapping his paws under Jill, "just need to adjust my ratpack straps."

"Horrible pun Timmy," Jill laughed, as they walked through the field, "Oh, put me down, there's Emily I got to go say hi."

Timmy set Jill down and she ran over to Emily who wore a white washed Orange strapless Maxi that blended between her fur tone nicely.

Timmy walked back to him, "You ok?"

"I don't know," He said, tail lashing, "I mean, I'm happy your parents didn't freak-out worse and all... but why did you tell everyone."

"It wasn't about you," Timmy said, "I needed them to know so I could know if I was ok around them. When will 'you' tell them."

"Never why would I," he asked.

"Because its ok," Timmy said, "I think your mom knows."

Fuck, she was on the stairs, he stiffened, "what makes you say that."

"She talked to me," Timmy said, "she told me she's happy I'm in your life, and the way I'm family to you."

"That doesn't mean she knows," he said, clicking the sides of his claws together, "You've always been family"

"Then why was she crying," Timmy asked, "... yeah, she knew, and she's ok with it, she said why I'm family."

"No you have to be wrong," he whimpered clicking the side of his claws together, no, no mom can't think that then she'll find out it'll ruin everything, I have to be there for her, he marched away from Timmy, "it's not ok, it can't be, I'm not, I made a promise, I plan to keep it."

"Paul, what promise," Timmy asked following.

"Stop Timmy, just stop it," he said, climbing the stairs to the gym.

"Stop what, what did I do," Timmy asked following.

"Hey guys, wait up," Jill yelled Emily following, "ditch much, geez."

He swiped a claw in front of his throat.

Timmy choked down, "I don't get what-"

"So," Jill said reaching the top of the stairs, "you guys don't mind if Emily joins us, her date Erik is sick."

"I don't mind," He said, "I know Emily from church, how do you know each other?"

"I just started lifeguard training," Emily said Cinnamon getting spicy.

He avoided making eye contact, "Nice, Jill's teaching the big guy to swim."

"I'm not that bad," Timmy said, "I don't get why everyone says sheep can't swim."

Emily said, "It's a circulation ish-"

"Stop blocking the door." A guy yelled a few steps down.

"Trent learn to chill," Emily said, while everyone moved out of the way of the group of Lions and Panthers coming up the stairs.

Melissa, Trent's date, scoffed when she passed Jill, judgmental barbdick.

"Yeah, its fine," Timmy said, "that'll make four, it's perfect."

"Thanks guys," Emily said, "I thought about staying home. But I got this dress, it would be a shame to waste it."

"Agreed it's a beautiful dress," Timmy said.

He shook his head, "come on, let's go inside already."

"My first dance," Jill said.

"Mine too," Emily said.

Jill and Emily raised their shoulder way to high in one of those girl hugs squealing.

He shook his head walking in ahead of them, holding the door and passing Jill back her heels as she followed.

"Thank Paul," Jill said hugging him normally then they went to check-in.

He searched the dim room lit by diversely colored Noel-Lights scattered on the walls and wrapping the snack tables and stage.

Lavender scented smoke machines filled the room with a haze muffling the density of scents.

"So, you and Erik, huh," he asked Emily.

Tartness came off her, fur raising, "Yeah, apparently he liked that I stood up to him."

He laughed, "Good, keep him on the tips of his pads."

"Thanks," Emily said, "for letting me crash your date."

"It's cool, you're an okay person," he said.

Emily chuckled, "I'm okay, with that," she looked between Jill and Timmy, "You have diverse friends, I like them."

"They're not friends, they're family," he said Jill running back.

"Come Paul," Jill said, "Timmy and I have the first dance, cause your taking to long then it's you and me. Emily do you dance?"

"Not really," Emily said as they moved to the dance floor.

"That's ok, Paul's good at leading," Jill said, "even though he has no rhythm."

Jill darted to the other side of Timmy, kicking her heels under a nearby table.

"Don't hide," he said stalking Jill, "I totally have rhythm."

Jill grabbed Timmy's paw, "Oly, oly, Oxen free."

Timmy took her other paw and they danced a few spinning steps away, tail whipping out.

"Brat," he called after them, "watch your tail, there are other people here."

Emily laughed, "So would you lead me through the steps?"

His ears dropped, "uhm... er, yeah."

Emily stepped towards him, how do I dance to Michael Jackson anyway, stupid opening song.

He took her paws stepping back cautiously onto the floor, "its ok if you step on my paws Jill always does, just follow my steps."

Emily watched him following step to slightly delayed step till matching.

"I always feel like- somebodies-"

"Ok, your steps are good," he said, guiding Emily while watching Timmy and Jill, "let's focus on the hips, dancing starts in the hips."

Jill and Timmy danced some sort of 80's flash dance style they were learning in class.

He missed a step when focusing back on Emily, her eyes are so round, why are they round?

"Is this right," Emily asked.

"Yeah that's it," he said, "but make it run through your tail, that insures you're fully engaging your hips."

"You're pretty good," Emily said to his left ear, "not that I have much experience... but you're making it fun, I mean this is nice... ok shutting up."

"Thanks, I'm only ok," he said watching Timmy and Jill.

Timmy used his height to help Jill do ridiculous aerial spins, Jill whooped, and they celebrated each landing.

"I wish I was better," he said, "like Timmy."

"So family," Emily asked following his gaze, "but you also have feelings."

"Feelings what," he asked.

"It's ok," Emily laughed, "she likes you too."

Jill has feelings, fuck I can't hurt her, damnit Timmy.

The music shifted from dance pop to swing, Timmy tapped Emily's shoulder, "can I cut in and have this dance."

"Sure," Emily shrugged.

"Good Paul's a terrible swing coach," Jill said, "You deserve a good swing."

"Such a brat," he said, "I'm not that bad."

Jill nudged his shoulder, "It's the only dance he has a hard time with in class."

Emily moved a few steps off with Timmy.

He stood, Jill side eyed him.

"Do you want to dance," Jill asked.

"Sure," he said, "but I'm terrible."

"You're not bad," Jill said leading, "as long as you relax... which you're not."

"In class it's just small groups," he said ears dropping, "everyone's here, and they can see."

"Babe, if their focusing on you," Jill said, "which they're not come on."

They danced through the song, then through, it's a fine day, Hung up and I'll never let you know.

He and Jill panted by the time a slow song came on.

"So, this is your first dance," Timmy asked off to their right.

"She's pretty don't you think," Jill asked as they took each other paws.

"Yeah, she's pretty," he said, Jill's grip wilting a little, "... But so are you."

Jill beamed up at him, "You're handsome too."

"So, Timmy, how old are you," Emily asked.

"Thanks, Jill, I don't feel handsome," he said, "I just feel short."

Jill squeezed his paw, "can you keep a secret?"

"Fourteen," Timmy said, "How old are you?"

"Yeah, Jill you know I can," he said trying to keep step and listen to Jill, and Timmy and Emily.

"Fifteen same as Paul," Emily said.

"I feel short too," Jill said grinning, "Our little secret."

"You're old enough for a girlfriend," Emily said.

"Jill," he said, "your short on average but tall for a mouse. I'm shorter than Emily."

"I guess," Timmy said, "are you offering?"

"I hope you know," Jill said tail wrapping her hips like a belt, "I like that you're not tall, it makes me feel closer to you."

Woah, Jill's eyes are like Emily's, is that a girl thing.

"Not offering," Emily said laughing to his right, "No offence I'm a cat gal."

"I'll always be close to you," he said, "you're my promise girl."

Jill leaned in up on her pads.

"None taken," Timmy said, "I'm a boy's gal myself."

He stiffened glancing at Timmy.

Jill stepped back, voice breaking, "Bathroom... I'll be right back."

Jill asked Emily, "Join me in the bathroom?"

"Aw man," Timmy said, "what will I do now?"

Emily followed Jill who called back, "Dance with Paul for all I care."

Emily giggled.

He shifted uncomfortably.

Timmy stepped up to dance.

"Dude, what are you doing," he asked.

"Following Jill's instructions," Timmy said reaching for his paws.

"Stop it," he hissed, stepping back, glancing around.

"It's ok, I'm telling people," Timmy said.

"I wish you wouldn't," he said moving off the dance floor.

He grabbed a drink then made a plate of crackers and cheese.

Timmy followed head drooping, Alfalfa sour and Sage bitter, "You don't like who you are, do you?"

He rounded on Timmy, "People won't like who I am, I won't let myself or Jill get bullied for it."

"Is everything ok boys," Mrs. Varava's contralto asked from their left.

"Yeah-no," He and Timmy said together. He glared. Timmy glared back.

"What's wrong," Mrs. Varava asked Civet ears jumping, "This is a dance it's supposed to be fun."

"It would be," Timmy said, "If Paul would lighten up."

"Why can't you just stop," he snapped.

"Stop what," Mrs. Varava asked.

"Jill said, we should dance," Timmy said, "me and Paul that is."

"Oh, that's forward thinking of her," Mrs. Varava said.

"Timmy don't," he growled.

"Paul doesn't Like who I am," Timmy said.

"Because you're gay," Mrs. Varava asked.

She knows... he already told her, he stiffened, what else has he told her.

"Yeah, ever since that kiss," Timmy said, "I thought telling everyone would fix it but it hasn't."

Varava said, "Well, it may make you feel better but you still have to consider-"

"You told," he snapped, paws balled up, "you had no right."

He pushed past Timmy.

"Calm down," Varava said, "maybe we could talk in my office."

"God Paul, you're such a coward," Timmy snapped.

He charged out of the gym, into the hallway lined with lockers.

Why is he ruining everything?

Timmy followed.

"Go away," he snapped, running then turning down a side hall then another one. He slowed near the end of the hall by the covered basketball court.

He told Emily, Prime the church will know, Jill will know.

He stopped then punched his locker, shit I can here?

His eyes burned, his claws popping in and out in rapid succession.

Why do I have to deal with this, I never wanted to be this way.

Leaning against his and Timmy's lockers, he slid down to the floor, suit jacket bunching up along his back.

Elbows on his knees, he covered his muzzle, Prime, what do I do?

Alfalfa and Sage tickled his nose.

"What do you want," he growled.

"I'm sorry," Timmy said sitting to his right, "I thought being open about things would get you to open up about it, it pissed me off that you lie to everyone."

"Lie... what am I lying about," he asked scooting away from Timmy.

"That you're like me," Timmy said.

"I'm not, you live care free," he said, "I can't I have to be the male of the house for mom and protect Jill."

"She's a tough girl," Timmy said, "she doesn't need that anymore."

"You don't get it," He said, elbowing the locker, "do you just abandon a promise."

"No," Timmy said softly, "but you can't be the m-"

"What would you know," he snapped, "You have two parents."

Timmy hung his head.

"I have to help mom," he said standing, "and I promised to protect Jill, I won't be a liar."

"What does that mean," Timmy asked, standing up as well, "what does protecting her have to do with you and me?"

"What do you mean us," he said, pushing out the door to the basketball court.

"I love you Paul," Timmy said, following to stand in the doorway, "every day I think about kissing you again."

"Quiet Timmy, Prime," he snapped, "what's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me," Timmy asked, "what's wrong with you?"

"Nothing, as far as anyone knows," he said, "I'm trying to keep it that way."

"I don't lie like you," Timmy said, "I can't hide like that."

"I'm protecting what's mine," he said.

Timmy let the door close behind him, "I doubt that's how momma meant it."

He paced, "At church I can smell what everyone thinks, no one's ok with it."

"Our whole family is," Timmy said.

He walked with Timmy following to the far pillar of the covered area, "we don't live at home, we live in the world, everyone else will hate us."

"What do you want," Timmy asked.

"I don't know," he groaned.

"I do," Timmy said, "I want to make you happy, I want to see you smile like you did after we kissed again."

"But it's wrong," he said, "We shouldn't like it."

He walked back to the door near their lockers, Timmy following.

"Do you want it," Timmy asked.

"I can't," he said pulling the handle, "Great now we're locked out."

He turned bumping into Timmy, he backed against the door. Timmy stepped forward.

His heart raced, "What are you doing?"

"What do you want Paul," Timmy asked.

"Stop it," he said shoving Timmy, stop pushing me around, his eyes started burning, "move already."

"No, answer me," Timmy said stepping closer, "what do you want?"

Inches from Timmy's chest His nose filled with spicy sage and alfalfa, no it's not supposed to be like this, he started crying, "I liked the kiss, I want you, but we can't, I can't it's wron-"

Timmy's mouth covered his, a shiver ran through him.

He slowly relaxed kissing back.

A loud squeak came from the other side of the glass.

He turned, Jill's open mouthed wide eyes stared back.

"Jill," he shouted.

Jill ran tossing aside her heels.

He pulled on the door, "Jill stop, fucking damn it."

Timmy ran around the left side of the building, while he tried another door.

Chapter 31 Xander:

Xander rode in his moms beat up Ford minivan.

Mom changed lanes to exit interstate five, "I see you're not grooming your mane anymore."

He shifted, "No, I can't always be hiding my scent, plus Paul and apparently, uh, Sean like it."

"Sean like's it, I see," Mom said.

"It's not what you think," he said.

"So what am I thinking," mom asked.

"I don't know," he said knees bouncing, "But you've been quietly judging me the whole drive."

Mom turned onto East Lake Washington Boulevard, "No, I've been thinking about a short cake I want to make quietly."

He leaned against the window, "But you wouldn't talk to me the whole drive."

"You seemed lost in thought," mom said, "I was letting you think."

His head smacked the window at a speed bump, "See, even your driving's punishing me."

Mom giggled, "you can't help being a catnip queen but the drama's optional."

He squawked, "How do you even know that term?"

"I don't live in a cave," mom said.

"Weird," he said, "growing up I felt like I did."

"Yeah, Sean's room," mom said, "Stephanie always says he finds any excuse not to clean."

"Not true," he said, unbuckling when they parked, "it was always cleaner than mine, she's just OCD about cleaning. She sent me a picture of a soda I left on the floor at Sean's with a frowny muzzle."

Mom burst out laughing, "when was this, I need to see that."

He opened his saved photos pulling up a screen shot he made for Sean of the chat, mom took his phone, She could scroll, oh Alpha, don't scroll or swipe.

Mom's breath caught.

Aaah, she's scrolling, Alpha no, he scrambled for his phone.

"So that must be, em... Paul's," mom said.

"Crap mom," he said, "I didn't mean for you to see that."

"See what," mom asked, gesturing at a group on the curb, "Everyone's here."

She saw something, he checked the next photo, Paul's dick pic. Alpha mom's never going to admit if she saw this, and if I asked I might have to show her. He shuttered getting out of the car.

The group stood under the pergola. Paul's mom stood out, her eyes identical to Paul's, he dropped his gaze.

I'm the tallest person, then Jill stepped into view, holy fucking Alpha Jill's pregnant."

He stood.

"Nice to meet you," Jill said.

He stood.

"Anyway, hello Mrs. O'Connel," Jill said, giving mom a hug, "ah, why is he just standing there."

"Don't know," mom said.

... Sorry Alpha.

"Hello, Xander it's nice to meet you," Jill said, "Are you-"

"You're super round," he blurted.

Mom smacked her forehead.

Jill smirked, "Yeah, that's generally how it works, come on."

Most of the parents tilted their heads at him inquisitively.

"I know," he said stumbling forward, "but you're really pregnant."

"Let me guess," Jill asked leading them to the gravel pathway, "Paul never told you I take it?"

"No... wait it's his," he asked.

Jill took a deep breath, "I see why Paul likes you."

"What, does that mean," he asked.

"Oh nothing," Jill said, "Anyway this is Mom and Dad, and here's momma, Paul's mom."

Ms. Russo asked, "did he really never mention it?"

"No, I feel like a jerk."

"Why is that," Jill's mom asked, obsidian eyes boring into him.

Jill gave him a very cattish smile, Great she want's to see how I handle this.

"I don't have a gift," he said, "where's Paul?"

Jill nodded respectfully.

"A young boy at work slipped," Ms Russo said, "Paul's figuring out insurance for the boy."

"Anyway," Jill said taking his paw, "let's go, so mom, dad, isn't my boo's boo handsome he's also a hybrid."

"Figured," Jill's mom said, "Yeah the mane and scents, it's a dead give-a-way. Pleased to meet you call me Gloria or momma."

He shook Gloria's paw, "good to meet you. Why momma."

"It's a family thing," Gloria said, "Paul call's me and Edwin Momma and Papa."

"Oh cool," he said, "That's what I call Sean's parents though."

"Interesting," Edwin said, mouse ears bouncing with energy while making brief eye contact with Jill and Paul's moms, "you must know the family well."

"Want to start the walk," Mom said, "My husband and Sean's dad served at the same mission in Nicaragua."

Paul's mom and mom are the only non-monotones, we're so bland, would anyone else notice or care, or is that just me?

They walked at Jill's pace down the primary gravel pathway.

Gloria said, "Jill and Paul's best friend's dad served for the Flock in Nicaragua."

Jill's step faltered, he grabbed her paw, when stable they continued holding paws as they walked.

Jill said, "He still worries about the families he met there."

He held mom's eye then said, "Papa, Sean's dad, doesn't talk about Nicaragua, I think something happened, or it's a father son thing to avoid bad memories."

"That could be," Edwin said, "learned behaviors and genetics are both factors for correlations in behavioral similarities."

"Honey, you're jargoning," Gloria said, locking elbows with Edwin leaning down to give him a brief kiss.

Mrs. Russo said, "Mrs. O'Connell-"

"Please call me Erin," Mom said.

Mrs. Russo nodded, "I was wondering, and I know it's probably not appropriate, Xander didn't have a mane on Muzzlebook, but his father's a Collie?"

"Goddess, Momma," Jill said, "you're as bad as Paul... ooff."

Jill squeezed his Paw, "What's wrong?"

"I think I had a contraction," Jill said, "eh... it might be psychosomatic."

"Good, when are you due," he asked.

"Not sure, hybrids it varies more," Jill said.

Mrs. Russo stopped making eye contact, hell, I have to tell her, damn you Paul.

"Well, some of the stories mom's," he said, he gripped his elbow, "but my dad isn't my bio dad, Mom and dad's immune systems started conflicting."

"I understand," Mrs. Russo said, "Kind of like Paul and Jill are doing now."

Edwin asked, "Do you know that biological father?"

Gravel crunched.

"No."

We walked in the wet while gravel crunched, mom said, "he passed away... military."

"Like his father," Mrs. Russo said, "Is that why you too bonded so fast."

"I think it's the service orientation," Mom said, "Sean told me that my baby fall's for everyone that likes to help people."

"Everyone likes that feeling," Jill said, squeezing his paw, "So you love everyone."

"No, I don't know," he said, "weird ice breaker by the way... I have my people."

"I do too," Jill said, "So what's you're mix, mom and dad make mine obvious."

"I'm Collie and Lion," he said, "mom's got a more Lion immune system."

"Yeah, a dominant eighth," mom said.

"Oh, dominants have kits more easily," Jill said, "I'm a true blend, that's why I wasn't compatible with my Ex, he was a mouse."

"True blend," He asked, "isn't that the name for..."

"No," Jill said coldly, "The term Mule means infertile, a true blend is barely fertile."

"Sorry, I should know better," he said, "it just something I always pretended I wasn't."

"It's easy to avoid things," Edwin said, "particularly when they're outside our control or make us uncomfortable."

Sean's depression, Neal's drinking, Ken's bottled water thing, Fred's always working, Papa walking on eggshells, Dave might be relapsing, Ashley's family, Dave has Skylar at least, what I did to hurt Paul... Pence's dad, Oliver's dad for that matter, why is it that family that fucks us up so much, Mom and Mrs. Russo talked near Rhododendrons, he and Jill reached the pond.

"Where'd you go," Jill asked still holding his paw.

"I was thinking," he said a light rain rippled sporadically across the pond, "I'm a mule, err, infertile, I always wanted a family, I've just always known it had to be the people around me."

"I'm... I'm sorry," Jill said, free paw rubbing her belly.

"Is what it is," he said bending to grab a couple maple leaves.

"I know why Paul cares," Jill said.

He crumpled up the leaves into a crunchy ball then tossed it into the pond waking up the surface skippers, while he waited.

"I don't know if it's fair," Jill said, "You're very familiar for him, the three-way hurt because it was Oliver and the idea of someone else."

"The idea huh," he said.

"Yeah, you have the same energy," Jill said.

Their families moved around the grass.

He said, "Even if we hadn't stated we were exclusive it was still a shitty thing to do."

"Can we sit down," Jill asked, gesturing at a nearby bench.

He nodded.

"I notice you avoid it," Jill said, "The hybrid thing, so why grow out your mane."

He laughed softly as they sat, "Paul said he liked this guy's mane when we were planning Sean's litterday, I thought Paul was cute, so I grew it out."

Jill sighed rubbing her ankles, "Yeah, Paul's Shearing phase is so done I think."

"Shearing phase," he asked, Jill waved him off.

He said, "Sean seemed to get flirty too, Oliver too actually."

"Maybe you weren't hiding anymore," Jill said, rubbing her belly in a half pet half hug, "I tried burying my scent, for a while... that failed."

"Jill honey, how are you feeling," Gloria asked rushing over.

"I'm fine mom, just thinking," Jill said.

"Ok, you were hunched over," Gloria said, Ebony eyes blazing.

"Goddess mom, I was hugging peanut," Jill said.

"Peanut, please tell me-"

"I will name my child," Jill grumbled, "However I want, thank you, very much."

"Peanut's fine," Gloria said, "If you think sizism won't be a factor."

Jill rolled her eyes.

Mom left Edwin and Mrs. Russo by a Lilac, coming over to the bench.

"I was wondering," he said, "Is Paul a perfect match or something?"

"No, but he promised," Jill said, "I was going to get a donor from Match19, but he wouldn't have it... plus I'm glad it's him."

"You don't feel alone," Mom asked, "with him being Gay and in another city."

"A little," Jill said, "If my bakery wasn't established I'd look to move north. Paul said you wanted kits?"

He didn't speak.

"Pups are never a guaranty," mom said, "I felt guilty about being relieved, when Xander came out, adoption became the assumption."

He mumbled, "Might have been better to be adopted."

"Honey," Mom asked, alarmed.

"Sorry, that came out wrong," he said, "When you're a donor pup, or well, just different from the rest of your family, it just feels like they aren't your family at times, I'd want pups to feel they had a family... it's stupid cause I do, I don't know."

"I never thought about that," Jill said, drawing a figure eight on her stomach absent mindedly, "I could see myself in both my parents."

"I know it's not true," He said, standing, "I had this anxiety that when dad was angry he didn't love me because I wasn't his son."

"Paul and I ran into that," Edwin said, "I had to be so gentle, not being his father and him needing me to be."

The trees rustled above them.

"Ok, I'm getting cold," Jill said, "Lets warm up in the information center. Hey momma after that let's go to the store we can make sandwiches and cucumber salad."

"Oh, great idea," Ms. Russo said.

"I'll be a minute," he said, pulling out his phone and closing his eyes.

Everyone's scent faded but the nutmeg.

He peaked with one eye, Edwin sat on the middle of the bench legs hanging in the air.

He closed his eyes breathing slowly then pocketed his phone, Jill's dad's a counselor, he probably knows I'm a cheater... no, it's not like he's psychic.

Edwin cleared his throat, "So you and Paul have been having a tough time, it's a young relationship correct."

Alpha he knows, hide your scent... daisies, pesto, pesto's green, Sean's eyes are green, Paul's are blue, damn they are both so pretty, he shifted bending to lean onto the arm rest away from Edwin, "yeah, it's gotten, well its..." he sighed, "we're very compatible, but it's complicated too."

"Because you slept with that Sean," Edwin asked.

Holy fuck he is psychic, he stared wide eyed.

"Jill told me," Edwin said, "do you plan to choose?"

Oh, duh... there's no such thing as psychics, It would be creepy rather than cool if there were, don't be stupid, he dropped his ears, "it's not like someone can date both."

"Well, that's not true," Edwin said, kicking his paws in the air, "I work with a lot of non-traditional relationships and families. You can't force relationships you can only deny or end them."

"But what if Paul ends it," he asked.

"Then Paul ends it," Edwin said, "Being loved is passive, it's what we let others do to and for us, it's family, being loving is the choice we then make to continue caring back or even if they don't, being their family."

"I'm not good at juggling," he said, leaning forward elbows on his knees, "I feel like I screwed up and can't ever be there for any of them."

"Them," Edwin asked.

"All my people," he said, "the people I care about."

Edwin asked, "And you're the one that has to be there?"

"I don't know," he said, "doesn't everyone want to help people when they see a need."

"No, many can't see," Edwin said, hopping up, "Let's head back, others just don't care, because of that you are a breath of freshness."

"I don't know how to stop," he said standing, "how do you not help someone."

"It does cost you," Edwin said, "You smell exhausted, when did you last sleep, last night?"

"How much," Edwin asked.

"A few hours," he said, Edwin watched him, "I couldn't get more, Neal had a meltdown, then Dave, needed moral support helping get stuff from his new boyfriend's old apartment. The guy is a street kit I have been trying to help, and the old roommate nearly raped him and after everything with...With... can let that."

His voice failed, then he choked back tears, what the fuck.

Edwin rubbed his lower back, "I'm sorry, its ok, lions protect their Pride and Collies watch over their pack, you seem to do that but there's a lot going on in their world and therefor yours."

"I hurt Paul," he said, "I was trying to help Sean, I love him, I love them, but I don't even know who I am or what I want, and I fuck everything up, Alpha I must sound pathetic."

"No you sound familiar," Edwin said, "You need to get yourself stable before you can be stability for others."

"I don't have time," he said, "they need me now."

"In what way," Edwin asked.

"Everyone needs something right now," he said, looking back at the bench, "Oliver, Neal, and Sean are all having flash backs, and I don't know what to do."

"Is it your job," Edwin asked.

"Shouldn't it be they're family," he asked.

"I didn't ask should," Edwin said, "I asked is it, can you be their counselor or doctor, do you have the time or the skill?"

"No, but I can't do nothing," he said.

"I would like to meet them," Edwin said.

"I can't make them your problem," he said.

"Be a martyr if you want," Edwin said as they continued walking, "tell me what's happening I can make Recommendations, but if it's a true crisis it can't be ignored. You mentioned flashbacks, do you know what started them?"

"This is confidential," he asked.

"I give my word," Edwin said.

"Fine, I need to talk to someone," he said, "It started with Sean and Oliver talking about bad shit from their pasts."

Chapter 32 Jill Then:

"You're my promise girl," Paul said.

OMG, he does want me, Jill leaned in eyes closed.

Nothing happened.

She peeked an eye then rolled it, So damn distractible, she stepped back, "Bathroom... I'll be right back."

She grabbed and slipped on her heels, then tapped Emily's shoulder, "Join me in the bathroom?"

Emily nodded.

"Aw man," Timmy said, "what will I do now?"

Emily followed her, she said, "Dance with Paul for all I care."

"LOL girl," Emily said.

"It's like whatever," she said, "just making Paul squirm."

Emily giggled.

They got in line.

Emily gestured for one of her ear, then whispered, "So, Timmy's gay?"

"Yeah, he told you," she asked.

"Yeah, I was like OMP," Emily said, "I'd never have guessed but now that I think about it he's very graceful."

"I know," she said, "and he's the best GBF ever, he like totally found this dress for me."

"Really," Emily said, "he knows a good dress, its perfect for you."

"Thank you," she said, "When I saw you in that dress I was like Jealous but then I was like whatever, I love that girl."

"Aww, thank you," Emily said, "Paul and Timmy are good dancers."

"I made them..." she said, "well, made Paul, take the dance class with me and Timmy."

"So are you and Paul," Emily asked.

"I don't know," she said, "he's like a brother, but I think he was going to kiss me."

"OMP, really so cute," Emily said."

"Yeah, he said something weird," she said, "He called me his promise girl."

"So cute," Emily said, "that's almost like being Pridian married."

"Wow really," she said, flushing, "So, you and Erik, huh."

"I guess," Emily said, "I think he isn't sick but thought my dress was immodest."

"That," She said peeking at Emily's back, "Looks fine to me."

"It violates Goldilocks," Emily said.

She shrugged at Emily.

"You know Goldilocks and the three Bares."

Emily tapped her shoulders, below the collar bone and knees.

"No clue," she said.

Emily said, "I guess it's just a Pridian thing then."

"Still kind of rude of him," she said.

Emily grinned as they stepped into the bathroom, "That's why I'm not with him I guess."

They moved into two empty stalls, she said, "So what are you wanting to do when done with school?"

"I'm thinking something medical, maybe nursing," Emily said, "What about you?"

Toilet paper tore.

Then they moved to the line for the sink.

"I also looked at nursing," she said, "but I don't think it's an option."

"Why," Emily asked.

She gestured down at herself, "Mom can't get work as a fulltime teacher cause parents worry, what hospital would take me."

"That's awful, no fair," Emily said, "the plague is such old news."

A chuff came from Melissa, the Snow Leopard cheer squad captain.

"What," Emily asked.

Melissa turn sniffing in deeply, "Well, the real issue would be..." Melissa's ears dropped, "ooooh, never mind."

"Would be what," She asked, playing with the tip of her tail.

"Nothing, I made a mistake, drop it," Melissa said moving to the next open sink, " Never mind."

"What mistake," she asked.

Melissa gave an exaggerated sigh, "Your scent marked."

Several nearby girls giggled.

"I am not," She said glancing around at smug muzzles.

"OMP, Melissa," Emily snapped.

"Like I said, I was mistaken," Melissa said washing her paws, "I didn't realize you were, a mule."

Several quickly covered laughs echoed around the room.

She paused, if I use the stool it will be like a pedestal, she gulped grabbing the stool anyway, "I'm a hybrid."

"Yes, sorry," Melissa said, "You are so lucky though, if I wore so many scents people would think I was a whore."

More girls giggled.

"Yeah, I'm so lucky," she said.

"You are," Melissa said nodding, "You can where any scent and no one can really judge in the end. That must be awesome."

"Yeah great," she dried her paws, will this barbdick shut up.

She stepped down from the stool, moving to leave the bathroom.

Melissa blocked her way, "So why where a cat scent?"

"Why is it your business," she said trying to step around.

Melissa blocked her again and Emily too.

"It's not like it matters," Melissa said, "No one will care if you were or weren't sleeping with someone... not like you could have kits anyway, come on tell me."

"Back off, Mel," Emily hissed, "Do you realize how big of a spray chaser you're being right now."

"Wow," Melissa shot back, "what a Pridian thing to say."

"Like you should talk," Emily said, "You have no faith, you where religion like scentup, ready to take it off at the end of the day."

She moved to the door, "Emily please drop it, let's just go."

"Fine, I'm coming," Emily said, following her.

"Good, leave," Melissa said, "you and your garish 'little' friend shouldn't even be here."

She grabbed Emily's paw, "Don't let's just go."

She bee lined for a snack table out of view from the bathroom.

"Jill, what she said," Emily said squeezing her paw, "it's not true, you aren't garish."

She looked around the room, "Can you see the guys?"

"No, are you ok," Emily asked.

"Not really," she said, kicking off her heels, "I'm getting some air."

"I'll go with-"

"No, I just need a minute," she said.

Emily grabbed some napkins and a wet wipe packet from the snack table pressing them to her paws, "I'll watch your heels, and I'll look for the guys, what should I tell them?"

"Nothing it's not their problem," she said, "I might need my heels."

"No, about where you are," Emily said.

"Cramps," she shrugged."

"That'll shut any boy up," Emily said, "Quick hug?"

She nodded, Emily side hugged, then swept the room, "Melissa's out of the bathroom."

"Great... see you in five," she said, slipping out into the empty hallway.

Paul, nearly kissed me, he must think I'm attractive, she took off her corsage holding it to her chest with her right paw while running her left along the lockers she walked past.

Garish, mule, little, pathetic, unnatural, she sniffed eyes burning and the tile cold underneath.

Each of these lockers is someone, locked away, hidden from the world, they're so lucky they get to hide those dangerous differences, she grabbed her dresses hem, garish.

Timmy echoed, "Wow Jill, you look amazing."

Emily echoed, "I love your dress its great with your fur."

Daddy echoed, "You liked school when there aren't bullies right?"

"I do," she said, "but, I hate myself when they hate me."

She neared Paul and Timmy's lockers, the shadow through the door silhouetted two people holding each other.

She dropped the corsage, "why-why are they kissing."

Paul and Timmy turn quickly.

Her heart raced, they were kissing.

She ran.

No, no no, I can't, I want to go home, Paul called out to her.

She avoided the gym, exiting a side door onto the soccer fields.

My shoes, she stopped turned shook her head then ran holding her dress away from the wet grass. When Halfway across the field, Paul yelled from the school, "Jill, please?"

She kept running, ignoring the rocks under paw, while houses on Stott Avenue blurred past.

She turned on tenth Paul falling behind.

She pushed hard then slipped on the curb at Erickson.

A white blur gently collided with her, lifting her up before she could hit the ground.

"Jill, why did you run," Timmy asked, "what's wrong."

She was carried across Erickson into Evelyn Schiffler park.

"Everything, why did you kiss him," she said between sobs.

"I-I love him," Timmy said, metal chains creaked as they dropped down then rocked slowly.

"I know," she sobbed, "but I thought he loved me too."

"He does, I know he does," Timmy said, his racing heart beating against her muzzle.

She took a breath, "He can't, he kissed you not me."

"He does," Timmy said, "I love you too, I just can't in that one way."

"It's stupid," she said, "No I'm stupid, I wanted to marry him."

"Listen I can't be that," Timmy said, "Paul, probably can't either. But I'll always be here for you."

She said, "I want to be the same for you."

Timmy rocked them some more, "I've never seen you run like that before."

"I was overwhelmed," she said.

"Melissa mocked how I smell," she said, wiping her eyes on his shoulder, "then that I'm a hybrid."

A tenor growl rumbled from the pine on the left corner of the playground.

"Get out here, Paul," she said, rolling her eyes for Timmy, "such a ferocious hunter."

"What took you Paul," Timmy asked.

"Shin splints and I tripped," Paul said, stepping around the tree, "Dress shoe shoelaces suck."

"Come here," she said, "why are you hiding."

"I hurt your feelings," Paul said, "I never wanted to disappoint you."

"I never wanted to be hybrid," she said, "we can't help somethings."

Timmy squeezed her, "Feeling better."

"A bit you can put me down," she said.

Timmy rocked a little more, "Is it ok if I hold you longer, you had a rough night."

"Yeah," she said nuzzling into the crook of Timmy's arm.

"Do people say that shit often," Paul asked sitting on the swing next to theirs.

"I just ignore them," she said, "sometimes it's not easy."

"That doesn't answer my question," Paul said, chains clinking.

"Why does it matter," she said, "You can't change any of it."

Paul growled, "I have to be there for you."

"You can't," she said while they swung gently, "I can't be yours and you can't be mine."

"I have too," Paul said.

"You can count on me Jill," Timmy said, "If you don't find that guy, I'll help you have a baby."

She shuttered in the silence.

"Jill, what's wrong," Timmy said, "what did I say."

"Nothings, wrong," she said wiping her eyes on his tux, "you can't say that shit and not expect me to be a mess."

A branch snapped.

Emily stood, by the tree Paul came from.

Flinching under their collective glances.

Emily said, "I came to see if you were ok. I grabbed your shoes when you ran off."

"Oh, thanks, I'm... I don't know," she said, "Thanks for grabbing my shoes, how did you know where to find them.

"I followed you in the hall," Emily said, glancing between Paul and Timmy, "I won't tell anyone, it's not my business."

"You know," Paul said slumping against the chain.

"Know what," Emily said stepping forward, "I don't know what you're talking about, I said I won't tell."

"Aren't you supposed too," Paul said, "to be a good Molly Missionary."

"Is that what you want," Emily asked.

"No, none of this is," Paul said, "I want to be normal and here for Jill but I can't."

"It's ok Paul," she said, "I should have noticed sooner, I don't know why I ran."

Paul said, "Because I can't be what I should."

Timmy's arms tightened around her chest softly rumbling.

"We are who we are," Emily said, "I'll still be your friend."

"I don't know who I am," Paul said, shaking his swings chains staring up at the stars.

She looked up where Paul did to find the Pleiades.

"I hate that I'm gay," Paul said.

"I don't," Timmy said.

She elbowed Timmy gently, "I love you for you."

"Yeah, I guess," Paul said.

Emily took the last open swing and asked, "Do you ever wish on the stars?"

"Yeah," she said, "I talk to the moons sisters."

"Emily said, "I'm such a bad Pridian, I think I talk to the stars more than the prime. Wishing dad hadn't left us."

"I wish I wasn't gay," Paul said.

"I wish I wasn't a mule," she said.

Timmy rumbled against her, "I wish I wasn't..."

Timmy's eye scrunched.

"You wish what," she asked.

"Nothing just a silly stray thought," Timmy said resuming rocking her.

"Paul, if your gay," She said, "At least it's for a best friend and he feels the same."

"I guess," Paul said, "want to go back to the dance or we could watch a movie."

"Let's do a movie," she said, "I don't want to deal with Melissa."

"I could take her," Timmy said.

Emily giggled.

"Princess Bride at my place," Paul asked.

"Sure, she and Timmy said.

Timmy set her down.

Emily got up passing her her shoes, "Hope you have fun... I guess I'll go back to the dance."

"You're not coming," she asked.

"I didn't want to assume," Emily said.

"You had my back with Melissa," she said, "we are family now, please come."

Timmy affected a slur, "Mow-age is what brings us together today, and twoo wuv that precious derangement."

They walked to Paul's house laughing.

Chapter 33 Oliver:

"Hey, this is Oliver Cunningham, I need to schedule an appointment, Heather from Bitterroot Counseling ref- and that, was a recording phone tree," he huffed, knees bouncing while watching Sean's find-a-friend hover at Neal's street address.

"Screw it, I'll do it online," he snapped hanging up the call, what if someone had just answered and I cut them off?

I stood with my basket of wet laundry, what do I do now, Virginia would let me in, but that would be a scene in front of the kits... I need to leave.

I turned bumping into a Snowshoe Cat standing behind me, my laundry flew as I startled.

"Oh Prime, I'm so sorry," the Black, white and brown Snowshoe said, he scrambled to grab my scattered laundry. The Kits ears dropped, and eyes widened when he passed a pair of skimpy underwear.

I opened the door to my car and put the laundry in the car.

"Sorry," the Snowshoe said, "uhm... do you have a sec?"

I stared at the kit.

He gulped, "I was looking for my brother his shelter family lived at the house across the street, uhm... so they moved do you know where."

"No... sorry," I said, climbing into my car.

"Oh, ok thanks," he said, "I'm Skylar Fullson, did you grow up here, is this your home."

"Yes, I did," I said, hitting my steering wheel, Skylar flinched, "but it's not my home, was you're brother Tyler?"

"You knew him," Skylar asked stepping forward.

"Stay back," I snapped, "I'm not safe right now."

The kit froze.

"Prime, listen I got to go," I said then pointed down to the street end, "See that Green house with the tacky orange door," the kit nodded, "that's my aunts place, she knew the... Swanson's? Anyway, tell Oliver sent you, Aunt Angie could help if anyone knows where they moved."

The kit moved like he was going to try and shake my paw. I closed my car door and saluted. I jumped when starting my car, mom stood crying at the window watching me.

My jaw trembled, then I gunned the engine pulling out recklessly.

I texted Derek, "So my parents had plumbing issues, could I crash at your place and dry my clothes?"

I filled my tank, at the Cenex on the edge of town.

Should I even go to Derek's, am I a danger, what if I cut myself... they all wish I was dead.

A prowler message from Phantom buzzed.

Phantom, "Hey Sexy, hope your family dinner is going well."

Mountainboots, "Had to head back to school, so it's not going."

Phantom, "Damn dude, that sucks, what came up?"

I looked at the scattered papers on my passenger seat, writing, "Nothing I want to talk about."

Phantom, "you said you've never missed a family dinner?"

Derek texted, "sure dude, I need a wingwolf for call of duty, ETA?"

Wingwolf, such a frat boy, I leaned on my Volvo and texted back, "thanks dude, I'll be about an hour." Then pocketed my phone.

The gas pump clicked.

Prowler buzzed my phone.

I ignored it, got back on the road.

My eyes wouldn't stop burning.

My phone buzzed again and again.

Shut the fuck up Phantom, Virginia will never talk to me again.

The road warped from my watery eyes.

I pulled over, the papers in the passenger seat glaring back at me, Fuck you Jeff, Fuck you.

I sat trying not to cry ear bent against the window. His phone buzzed.

In a flash dad hit uncle Isaac would he have hit me if I didn't leave?

I repeatedly hit my head against the glass till too dizzy to remember dads snarl.

Why didn't you just kill me Jeff.

My stomach and chest spasmed coughing up a sob. Head falling to my arms across the steering wheel.

My phone rang with an unknown number.

I rolled my window down but answered instead, clearing my croaking throat, "Oliver, who's this?"

"It's phantom, err Paul," Paul said in a worried tenor, "I found your number from our chats."

"I'm fine," I said, "I got to go."

"Really, are you," Paul asked.

"What... why would it matter," I said wiping my eyes, "We don't really know each other why would you care?"

"We've been messaging couple times a day," Paul said, "if we were nearer I'm sure we'd have met muzzle to muzzle by now."

I could never be with Phantom... I guess I'm a celibate now.

I gripped the wheel, "I need to get back to campus."

"Tell me are you ok," Paul asked.

"No damnit I'm not," I snapped, "But what does it matter you can't do anything about it and neither can I."

Paul's breathing stopped over the phone.

"Sorry," I said, "My parents, I'm homeless now, they asked me to leave."

"Oh."

I sat in the silence, I should just hang up, what's the point of anything.

"But schools covered," Paul asked breaking the silence.

"Yeah, they are Perfect Prime's Witnesses," I said bitterly, I'm a witness without my light source anymore, I guess I can't date cats anymore.

I leaned on the wheel again.

Should I get de-clawed, fuck I can't be helpless again.

I breathed faster and deeper.

I'll never see, my niece or nephew again.

Things started to go gray.

I can never be with anyone, should I die maybe I should die?

"Oliver, Oliver answer me," Paul yelled, "Breathe slower, just breathe slower."

"Why are you calling," I gulped, "you just want sex right, I'm too fucked up for that."

"I... no, I like you," Paul stammered, "Sex would be hot, but I like you for you."

"You shouldn't, I have nothing," I said, wiping my eyes, "I have to go, I need to get back to driving."

"Seriously, you shouldn't drive," Paul said, "Damnit why do you have to be ten hours away."

"It's eight you're in Seattle now," I said, switching my lights on and the call to speaker phone, I pulled back onto highway 93.

"You know what I mean," Paul said, "you're important to me, even though we haven't met, we chat every day."

"Not every day," I said.

"Most days," Paul said, "Is this you, just super down but you'll get better?"

I didn't answer.

"Seriously, I need to know," Paul said, pitchiness creeping into his tenor, "don't hang up, did you hang up... fuck, answer me, I need to know."

"Demanding aren't you," I snapped.

"I care enough to worry," Paul said, "I'm getting a bad vibe, I need to know you aren't thinking of you know."

"Whatever," I said, "Even if I was you never know or even find out if I did."

"What the fuck," Paul yelled.

"I shouldn't have said that," I said, "I don't know how to think or feel right now."

Paul asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, tell me about the move," I said.

"Really," Paul said, "I just have to drop it."

"Please, anything else, it'll help," I said, "you wanted to help."

"Okay, I can't think," Paul said, static scratched the line, "I... because...got serious with this mouse."

"So, the call is losing reception," I said.

"You won't get rid of..."

The call dropped.

Well Fuck, whatever anyway.

I switched on the radio, Boys 'round here, hummed in the background.

My phone rang.

I picked up on speaker phone, "Hey."

"Don't hang up on me Boots," Paul said.

"I didn't Puss," I said, "lost reception dude."

"Puss," Paul asked, "Anyway, whatever, what did you mean by your parents are good Witnesses?"

"You called me Boots," I said, "You're Puss, from Puss and Boots. Anyway, Witnesses when disfellowshipping are still supposed to provide for you as long as you're a dependent."

"Disfellowshipped, what's that," Paul asked, "It's not Puss and Boots, its Puss in..." Paul coughed, "never mind."

My fur stood, "Oh, I thought it was 'N' for 'and' not 'in' So uhm, anyway, it's when the church stops talking to you till you repent and stop sinning. They do it-"

"You were shunned," Paul blurted.

"I guess, so your move," I said, "tell me about the move."

"Are you going to be ok," Paul asked.

"Tell me about your move," I said.

Paul didn't speak.

I growled, "I don't know if I'll be ok, are you happy."

"No, I wish I could... be," Paul said, "Because you're gay?"

"Close enough," I said, "I don't know what I can do either. I need a distraction."

"Alcohol," Paul asked.

"I don't drink."

"Hell, you are sheltered," Paul said.

"You're so comforting," I said.

"Shit sorry," Paul said, "err, so the move... I moved here, you could move here, I have two spare rooms."

"I'm finishing school," I said glancing at the papers, I could never live with a cat.

"Yeah so," Paul said, "Amazon or Microsoft aren't going to pull you west."

"I guess, we haven't met," I said.

"Then let's meet," Paul said.

"I'm trying not to date," I said.

"Or not. Trying, dude," Paul asked, "Well, anyway I moved here for my career and for my best friend."

The apartment door closed, his computer now in sleep mode.

"Sean," he asked.

"Yeah," Sean said coming into the study, "I was thinking of going to my place, did you make that appointment?"

"I... I'm doing it online," he said, holding out a paw for Sean, "how's Neal?"

"In a rough place," Sean said, taking his paw and sitting on his lap, "Fred and I, had to clean out the house of alcohol."

"So, he's drinking too much," He asked.

"Yeah, I think self-medicating again," Sean said leaning back to nuzzle, "he did after leaving observation and the camp."

"Observation," He asked, trailing his empty paw along Sean's hip, "I hope he's ok."

"Uhm... Something happened... at camp," Sean said muscles contracting under his touch.

"Is he ok," He asked.

"I think... ok bathroom, then bedroom," Sean said, standing, "Actually no, he keeps talking like Fred's going to leave him or reject him."

"Oh, that sucks," he said, Sean left the room.

Henry held my paw while we walked back to my Volvo. I side eyed his cute black spots scattered over his white muzzle.

"No one's here," Henry said winking with suggestive tones to his baritone, "Come on, let's make a quick off trail detour."

"I, I'm not ready for that," I said, "on a first date at least."

"You'd love it," he said Pine scent gone spicy as hell.

"I, I'm sure," I said, "I'm just not ready."

"I get it," he said, "I'm new to the gay thing."

I haven't told you my status, I grabbed my keys, "Yeah, I'm not exactly out."

"Me either," He said.

I got the car door for him. Then got us back on Pattee Canyon Road. His paw trailed slowly up my thigh.

I stiffened down to meet him.

He gripped me, the car swerved.

"Please I need to focus," I said.

"Ever had road head," he asked.

"No, but we can't," I said.

"You mean we shouldn't," he said gripping me again, "I think you're more than capable."

"We can't not yet," I said.

"When, I want you bad," he said, rubbing up to the right side of my chest.

"Well, I, Uhm," I said taking a deep breath, "I have F.I.V."

His eye brows knit as he sat up straight.

Pine soured throughout the car.

"Pull over," he said softly.

"What... why," I asked.

"I said, pull the fuck over," he snapped.

I drifted and slowed onto the shoulder, switching on my hazards.

He unbuckled.

"Wait what are you doing," I asked.

He laughed, "Getting out what does it look like."

"Why," I asked.

"You're diseased, duh," he said opening the door, "Oh and fuck you, acting like such a chased little virgin. You, fucking whore."

He stood.

"But you're a dog," I said, ears drooping, "And I am a virgin."

"Virgin's don't have STD's," Henry snapped then slammed the car door.

I rolled down the window, "Why are you walking?"

Henry sneered, "If you were to crash you could bleed on me, that's not a risk I'm willing to take."

"It's five miles back," I yelled.

He gave me the digit while he walked away.

My phone buzzed, Paul texted, "hey, how was your first date date?"

"Horrible and I feel numb," I texted.

The toilet flushed, he blinked at the black screen of his tablet, what was I doing.

Sean opened the study door.

He stood quickly to meet Sean, paw catching on the desk leg.

"Shit are you ok," Sean said.

"I'm fine why," he asked.

"That didn't hurt," Sean asked gesturing at his paw.

His paw didn't feel normal but didn't hurt, he pulled his paw back from the table leg he kicked, and shrugged at Sean.

"Seriously, how did that not hurt," Sean said stepping forward.

He set his paw down it still didn't hurt but it wouldn't take his weight, like it fell asleep without the pins and needles.

"I need to walk it off," he said.

"Yeah no, I heard a crack," Sean said making him sit. Then looked over his paw.

"I'm fine it doesn't hurt," he said.

"Ah, you must be in shock," Sean said, "I can feel this ones broken."

"I'm fine, it can't be," he said, "I'm not going to the doctor I was planning on seeing Paul tonight."

"Shut up, I'm calling Sam," Sean said.

"Fine then, I'm calling Paul," he said grabbing his phone.

Sean shook his head then popped in his ear buds.

He dialed Paul.

"Hey sis," Sean said, "I'm good, but I need your help I think Oliver broke his toe."

"What's up dude," Paul said.

"I'm being bossed around," he said, "why is every short guy in my life bossy?"

"Ah, thanks for the dig," Paul said, "every guy in your life is shorter By the way."

"Sam that's not true," Sean said, "anyway can I muzzletime, I think the digits broken."

"That otters taller," he said.

"Hospitals don't have frequent fliers," Sean snapped, "would you please be serious?"

"Yeah... the thirsty bottom isn't bossy," Paul said, "ok your right, he's more beggy."

"He said he's vers," he said.

Paul laughed, "yeah, I'll believe it when I see it."

The front light of Sean's phone came on, Sam's bored alto said, "yeah that digit is totes, get that idiot to the doctor."

"I'm not an idiot," he said.

"Watch," Sean said angling the camera while pointing his digit.

"What's going on," Paul asked.

"Nothing," he said, shrugging as Sean poked, "I just wanted to see if you want to get dinner this time no otter?"

"Wow, ah yeah get a Doc," Sam said dryly, "Is he a klutz, you said you met when he stepped on glass."

"I don't need a doctor," he said, "it doesn't even hurt."

"Wait what doesn't even hurt," Paul asked.

"I stubbed my paw," he said, "Sean and his sister are over reacting."

"Sean put in your ear buds," Sam said, "I think there might be nerve damage."

"No, I feel it," he said, "it just doesn't hurt."

"Wait, you hurt yourself again," paul asked, "what's with you dude."

"Things don't always hurt," he said, trying to stand.

"Woah, no you don't," Sean snapped.

"Sean, that's not physical," Sam said.

"I'm calling papa," Paul said.

"Geez, you are all over reacting," he said slumping back into the chair, "shit, Paul don't call Edwin."

Sean put earbuds back in, "Sam, what do you make of it?"

He glared at Sean, "Great talking behind my back in front of my muzzle."

"You're going to the doctor," paul said, "or I'm bringing Edwin over."

"you know what," he snapped, "fuck you all, I don't appreciate any of you trying to force me to do anything."

"Sam, I'll call you back," Sean said, then pulled out the ear buds.

"prime, i'm just trying to help," paul said, "you want to do dinner but I don't want to worry."

"Fine, i'll go to the doctor," he said fending off more of Sean's fussing, I wonder if I've reach my deductible.

"Say, see you at seven," paul asked.

"Cool, I'm bringing Sean," he said.

"I can just stay home," Sean said.

Paul remained silent.

"I don't need to come," Sean said.

He said, "neither Xander or I are leaving you alone."

"Fine whatever," paul said, "could you bring a salad before my mom or Jill make something with cucumber in it."

"House, potato, or fruit," he asked.

"Don't care, just no cucumber."

Chapter 34 Jill then:

"Goddess, Emm," Jill said to her phone, laying on her bed staring at the ceiling, pads up on the wall, "I should never have agreed to shop, this spice rack project is so bad."

"Can't be as bad as mine," Emily said, "But Paul was right the guys in class are nice... and cute."

"OMG, dish, you like someone," she said, tail swiping back and forth on the wall.

"Maybe, well I mean he's cute," Emily said, "But, I don't know, I get the feeling he just wants sex, and I don't know if I even want sex?"

"Yeah, that makes sense," she said, "I had a guy ask if I'd blow him cause I'm a mix."

"Jill that's Sexual harassment," Emily said, "You need to report that."

"And what will that do," she said, "Melissa and everyone like that guy don't give two shits about who or what I am, it's best to avoid them. People like them own the world, I'll get what I can."

Emily said, "You won't get what you want, if you think like that."

"You wouldn't get it," she said, "you have a future, options, people will only judge you for being small and a girl. I'm a mix, a girl, small, prey and from the vermin, I will never have the options you do."

"No, you aren't," Emily said, "we applied to be nurses, to go to school together."

"I did," she said, "I already got a rejection letter."

"So soon," Emily said.

"Yeah," she said, "probably didn't pass a computer screener, anyway I'm being all mopey and the guys are coming over."

"Will you be ok," Emily said, "Lets apply somewhere else."

"I'll figure something else out," She said, "I have to have a reasonable dream."

"Nursing is reasonable," Emily said.

"Yeah for you," she said.

"I hate hearing that," Emily said, want to do something fun?"

"Make overs," she asked, "Paul's swinging by with some project stuff but I'm free after."

"Sweet, I'll finish my paper," Emily said, "Then I'll head over, wait are they sticking around, I haven't seen Paul at church."

"I think he's not going now," she said, "The guys are going to Tualatin Hills, Timmy made Paul invite us but Paul sounded like he wanted to be 'alone' with Timmy."

Emily laughed, "what a perv, in the park."

"I can neither confirm or deny," she said.

"Ok, wanna swing by in thirty," Emily said.

"Yeah, but might be more then thirty."

"It's ok when ever," Emily said.

They ended the call.

She checked the clock, I could have a snack.

She headed to the fridge passing dad in the living room.

The fridge needed restocking, she scrounged up some hummus and carrots.

Dad's voice from the living room caught her attention.

"I know you're worried about him," dad said, "honey, it's just a camping trip."

She peeked at him from the dining room, dad sat eyes closed with the contented smile he wore when listening to mom talk.

"Well, Jill's going too," dad said.

Mom and dad are so cute, I'll have that someday.

"No, you and I have work," dad said, "Plus Gloria doesn't want to meddle."

Her ears flew up fur standing on end, she stopped breathing, ok, walk quietly upstairs... is dad seeing someone?

...

Poor mom, how could dad do that too us.

Dad said, "It's not like they can get pregnant."

She crept back through the kitchen freezing when a floor board creaked.

"Just think a few weeks just us," dad said, then he whispered, "I hear Jill, love you honey."

Fuck, shit, Goddess what do I do?

"Hey Princess how are you," dad asked, coming in through the dining room.

You're a liar how can I trust you, she raised her plate, "hey dad, Uhm I, I got a snack, just a snack before Paul comes over."

"Oh, Paul's coming over," dad said, "I thought he and Timmy were going to the park."

"Yeah, he's stopping by with homework," she said, "but then he's going to the park."

"That makes sense," dad said, getting a glass of water, "do you want one, you seem tense everything ok, princess?"

"I'm fine dad," she said, "are you and mom?"

"Never better," dad said.

What a jerk, she shifted tail wrapping her hips, "well, I'm going to head upstairs."

"Ok princess," dad said, "are you still thinking of visiting with friends while Paul and Timmy are out?"

Oh, hell no, he smells eager, she turn to the stairs, "Emily's coming over for make overs."

Dad's tone flattened, "That's great, hope you two have fun."

"Thanks, dad, back to homework," she said fleeing to her room.

She texted Emily, "Hey, could we do makeovers over here, it would be easier with waiting on boy time."

"Ugh, boy time, Eww," Emily texted, "Yeah, want me to head over in that thirty I first mentioned?"

"Sounds great," she sent back.

She texted Paul, "OMG, total crisis mode."

Pacing the room, she checked the window, Damnit Paul where are you, we need to fix this.

She drummed the picture box windowsill by her bed.

"Where are you," she texted Paul.

Paced, checked the window, stomped then texted Timmy, "OMG, total crisis mode."

Timmy texted back, "What's wrong?"

"Dad's acting all weird," she texted, sitting on the bed, at least someone cares.

"In what way," Timmy texted.

Crap, he would talk to his mom about it, she paced checked the window again then texted, "Promise not to ask your mom or dad any questions related to this."

"Uhm, sure, Jill maybe you're being weird," Timmy texted.

She glared at Timmy's text, then called.

"Wow, so you are worried," Timmy said answering.

"Thanks for that, Dad was on the phone being all lovey dovey... and-"

Timmy sighed, "So rude."

"Timmy, you know what I mean," she said resuming pacing, "I don't think it was mom, no it couldn't be mom, who could he be talking to, dad wouldn't cheat on mom would he, am I living a lie of a family."

"Wow, Jill breathe," Timmy said.

"I can't, I mean OMG," she said, checking the window, where are you Paul?

Timmy said, "Your dad doesn't seem like the cheating type."

"What the hell is that type," she snapped.

"Someone unhappy," Timmy asked.

"But he could be happy from..." She checked the window, "you know, all the sex."

"God, you and Paul today," Timmy said.

"What do you mean," she asked.

"Oh nothing," Timmy said, "Paul's freaking out he told momma he was ready for her to date."

"That's awesome, momma needs someone," she said.

"Yeah, but now he's..." Timmy said, the call garbling, "Sorry head phones caught on the cupboard handle, you two are so similar."

"Great, no wonder he's MIA," she said flopping onto her bed.

"You really think I'm over reacting," she asked.

"Like Sodium or Potassium and water," Timmy said.

"Such a dork," she said, "Anyway Emily's coming over maybe you two could come after the park?"

"Momma would like that," Timmy said, "I'll chat with Paul about it."

The door slammed downstairs, "Oh Paul just got here, should I ask him?"

"No worries, I'll ask," Timmy said, "but can't be up that late, school tomorrow."

"It's a late start," she said, "remember the junior highers are doing the tour."

"Oh yeah, sweet, I ask mom," Timmy said.

"Tootles," she said ending the call, I don't want to get up.

She padded to the door while Paul's loping stride approached up the stairs.

She opened the door as Paul reached it breezing in.

"Hey, Jill, Prime moms being weird," Paul said.

"So is dad," Jill said, glaring back at the door heading to her bed, "Wait what's up with momma?"

"She is having a date tonight," Paul said scandalized.

"Yeah, what's the problem," she asked hopping up next to Paul on her bed.

"Well," Paul said, batting at his own dancing tail, "I didn't think it would be so soon."

"It'll make her happy," she said.

"I know," Paul snapped, "I know what's right, I just feel weird."

"Relax Rambo," she said, "So where's the home work?"

"In my bag," Paul said, "just a sec."

Paul pulled a binder from the bag with is came a piece of notebook paper that fluttered to the bed.

She read over it.

"I look to you and wish I could be

More of the guy I think that you see

I listen to you and I wish I could hear

The music my voice brings to your ear

I look to you and I wish I could feel

The faith you have me as strong as steel

When I listen to you I wish I could smell

The safety you give me knowing all is well

When I look to you I wish I could taste

The times we have together they're never a waste."

"Paul what's this," she asked.

Paul's tail curled, "where did you get that."

Paul's scent went spicy and sour at the same time.

"It fell out of your bag," she said, "Sensitive much?"

Paul snatched the paper, "It's for Timmy."

"Awe that's cute," she said, "trying to get his strong as steel?" then waggled her eye brows.

"Gross, I'm not talking about that," Paul said, fur standing, "No, but I want to try, he hates undressing."

"Yeah, he doesn't like his body," she said, "Makes no sense he's hot... you're hot."

"Jill," Paul said ears flattening.

"Not even a little bi," she asked.

"No, gross," Paul said, "err, sorry, you're not gross just... whatever."

"Well, worth a shot," she said.

"You never talk like that," Paul said, repacking his bag, "what's up?"

"Just a mule thing," she said taking the manila envelope to her desk, "people around assume I'm a whore so why not."

"Seriously Jill, that's total shit," Paul said tail lashing.

"I don't know," she said, "dad has me questioning things, wouldn't it be easier to meet everyone's expectations, so they can't dismiss how I'm different?"

"By that logic," Paul snapped, "I should go back into the closet."

She leaned on her desk, looking at her plastic star strewn ceiling.

"This is cause of the dance," Paul asked slowly walking to her, "Because of Melissa?"

"No, that was one bully," she said, "it was everyone else that laughed."

Paul pulled her into a hug, "I hate how people treat you, you're amazing."

"You never answered," she said wiping her eyes, "Have you and Timmy you know?"

"Just jacking," Paul said ears flattening, "I wanted to do more but Timmy's... uhm, big."

"Yet he hates his body," she said, "I don't get him at all."

"I know," Paul said, "Thankfully I like his body enough for the two of us."

She chuckled, "I bet, God the Idea of you two together makes me shiver."

"Wow Jill," Paul said raising an eye brow.

"Goddess, I'm not going to lie," she said, "it's a pretty picture."

"Ok, uhm anyway," Paul said, "Since it's for school the clinic offered to let us tour the facility, oh and I got that pricing info, freezing the guy stuff is like one to two hundred dollars and maybe twenty a year for storage."

"And for women," she asked, jabbing Paul to let her go.

"From ten to twenty thousand," Paul said, "it's more involved than cup, magazine, and a freezer."

"Goddess, Guysplaning," she said rolling her eyes.

"What, that's how it works," Paul said.

"So, somehow, I'm gross," Jill asked, "But that isn't."

"Fine, I said I'm sorry," Paul said, then dropped his ears.

"What," she asked.

Paul asked, "It's wrong for a guy to jack isn't it."

"No, it's hot," she said, "well at the right time, anyway total double standard, you can't assume me and your mom aren't sexual because we're girls."

"I know, it makes me uncomfortable," Paul said.

"Not my fault or hers," she said, then rifled through the folder Paul gave her.

"I'm not ready to be out," Paul said, then checked his phone, "I got to get going."

"No you don't," She snapped, "You don't drop shit like that and run off."

"But Timmy's waiting," Paul said.

"Yeah so am I," Jill said, "There's nothing wrong with it, you think the Goddess is sitting up there going, 'he touched himself time for him to burn.' Please Paul."

"I don't know," Paul said, "I just want to feel ok, that I'm not... you know."

"You're fine," She said, standing, "hugz then get some Dee."

"Prime, Jill," Paul said, standing, "don't say things like that. Plus, we can't if Timmy's dad knew he'd freak out."

She squeezed Paul, "Come over for the movie and make overs later."

"Movie yes, makeovers no," Paul said.

"Well you're the worst GBF ever," she said, switching on her radio, "Anyway Mr. Clark will have to get used to it. Also, it would just be a little geisha for you."

"No, means no," Paul said, putting on his bag, swaying to love don't let me go, "I think Mr. Clark knows we're together, but he wants us in different tents for the Oregon trip."

"Lame," She said, matching Paul's movements, "Uhg, fine I'll be your beard one last summer I love that trip."

"You were never my beard," he said, as they danced, "I only just came out."

"I know," she said, "first and last time."

Paul kissed her ear, "I got to go, you know I love you right."

"Yeah, I'm amazing," she said, "come after the park. I love you too"

Paul waved, "If Timmy wants too." Then closed the door.

Paul has Timmy, even Momma has someone, who do I have?

She rifled through her dresser, for a tail sock, gross why can't these be cute.

Madonna's Sorry came on the radio.

No, mom might not have dad, and momma's date doesn't mean she has someone, can I fix this.

She walked to the stairs and listen to dad again on the phone in the living room.

"It's ok right," Dad said, "Well, I got last time, now you two can have fun."

If dad cheats does everyone?

She went to her desk and worked on her essay.

...

"Hey girl," Emily said startling her, "Sorry that took way longer mom wanted me to free up the washer and dryer first."

"What time is it," she asked.

"Quarter after seven," Emily said, "Paul texted they're on their way back over. Get much done?"

"No, I completely zoned out," she said.

"Is that due tomorrow," Emily asked.

"Thankfully no," she said, "I wanted to get ahead."

"If it's not due its whatever," Emily said, "So you know about Britney and K-Fed right?"

"Honey, that was like months ago," she said, putting her things in her bag.

"Yeah," Emily said, playing with a silver Charm bracelet, "I'm so bad at this gossip thing."

"You're new to it," she said, "you only knew church gossip for like ever, you know."

"Well, anyway," Emily said, "is divorce going to happen to everyone famous?"

Her fur stood, maybe mom and dad too.

"Earth to Jill," Emily said, "no zoning out, we're painting our nails, look I got the scent mixing kind."

"Awesome, it's so chemical otherwise," she said.

"Jill lets match our dresses," Emily said.

She plopped down on the floor, "Is there enough to mix one for each, I loved your dress color too."

"Well, I have enough color," Emily said, "Not sure about scent mix."

"Cinnamons fine for just you," she said playing with the tip of her tail, "It's better if you don't wear ivy or nutmeg, you want to be a nurse."

"Fine," Emily glared, "I'm putting some Ivy in all of them."

"You don't have the scent," she said, tail curling, why would she do that.

Emily dropped some Ivy in each base bottle.

"I... uhm you," she said, eyes burning, "I'll be right back."

She ran to the bathroom, Why am I crying, it was nice.

A loping stride and slower ones came up the stairs, Goddess when it rains it pours.

Paul, Timmy, and Emily's voices hummed through the door.

They'll know I'm crying, Goddess damnit.

Dad's quiet steps approached the bathroom door.

"Honey, mom's ordering pizza," Dad said, "Is everyone staying over?"

"Yeah dad, duh," she said, running water in the sink, go away, damnit Paul I'm thinking like you now.

"Are you ok honey," dad asked.

"I'm ok," she said washing her face.

"You sure," dad asked, "I'm here if you need to talk."

"Is there something else you want," she snapped.

"Did you all want a movie," dad asked.

"We're fine," she said wiping dry her muzzle, "Will just watch Memoirs of a Geisha, Emily hasn't seen it."

"No, Jill, not that," Paul groaned from the hall, "Are you done in there yet?"

"I brought a DvD," Timmy said, "Dad thought we might like End of the Spear."

"I hear its good," Emily said, "But kind of religious. I brought Hitchhikers Guide."

"See dad we're fine," she said, pacing, why is everyone talking to me right now.

Dad said, "ok honey, mom said she could pick up goblet of fire with the pizza."

"I haven't seen it," Emily said, "cause it's witchcraft."

"Me either," Timmy said.

"That'll work," she said, "so can we all not talk while I'm in the bathroom."

"Gurl, I know you don't care," Emily said.

"Did you just gurl me," she asked.

"What I'm trying it out," Emily said everyone steps moving off but Emily's, "can I come in."

"No, I'm using the bathroom," she said.

"Come on," Emily said, "it's just me."

"Fine," she said opening the door.

"Knew it," Emily said, moving inside, "I'm sorry I made you sad, what did I do?"

"You didn't make me sad," she said, shutting and locking the door, "I just got over whelmed."

"In a bad way," Emily asked.

"I don't know," she said, "no one's ever said something like that... or done, I..." She gulped back more tears, damnit stupid eyes.

"You don't deserve all that shit," Emily said leaning down for a hug.

She squeezed Emily's shoulders and wiped her eyes again, "Let's get back to the boys before they do something stupid."

"Deal, you good now," Emily asked.

"Yeah," she said leading them back to her room.

Paul and Timmy lay kissing on her bed, the room thick with spicy cinnamon and sagie alfalfa.

"Eww, get another room," she said smacking them with a plushy before jumping up to sit on Timmy's back crushing him down onto Paul.

"Jill, what the heck," Paul squawked, "Timmy's heavy enough."

"Oh you can handle it," she said, patting the small of Timmy's back, "hop up Emm, it super fluffy."

"Thanks Ja-ill," Timmy said, voice cracking, "Paul hasn't wanted to help me shear."

Before Emily could climb up, Timmy rolled, "hey will you all finally go to the FLAG poetry night?"

She settled by the end of the bed while Paul and Timmy detangled themselves.

"When is it," Emily asked.

"Two weeks, on Thursday at seven," Timmy said.

"Yeah, I'll come," Emily said.

"Me too," She said.

"Do we have to share," Paul asked, "I'm not very good at poetry."

"They have a sign-up list," Timmy said, shifting to sit hugging his knees, "So it's like Karaoke."

"Ok, yeah I'll come," Paul said.

"Great the boys and fruit flies," she said.

Paul rolled his eyes.

"Anyway," she said hopping down from the bed, "I'm going to check on the Pizza, I heard mom pull up."

Mom and dad talked in the kitchen, their hushed tones prompted stealth.

"I know their teenagers," dad said, "but we shouldn't leave the house unattended."

"So you're telling me to stay," mom said angrily.

"No, honey I got last time," dad said, "It's your turn, just stay in the mood for me when you come home."

"Absolutely, she gets me going," mom said.

What are they talking about, she stepped on the squeaky stair.

Dad loudly said, "I got a new client honey."

Mom answered just as loud, "That's great, another crush case?"

She shook her head, skirting down the rest of the stairs.

"Hey mom, thanks for the pizza," she said bounding into the kitchen, Goddess, I wish I could scent mask like Paul.

"Oh its fine honey," mom said ivy scent hinting at spicy, "I'm making a cucumber salad for Paul and Timmy."

"You're awesome," she said, "you know, we could watch ourselves, you and Dad should go on a date." she gently gnawed on her tongue, Why did I say that?

Dad said, "The Clarks trust us not to leave you all alone and we are respecting that."

"I'm going to Bunko," Mom said, then passed a plastic bag, "I got the Goblet of Fire lets get the family room set up.

"I'll be in the study," Dad said, "err... reading, knock if you need anything."

Dad's spicy nutmeg wafted after him.

Oh Goddess, that smell is... eww, gross.

Jill set up the TV, So mom knows, she has too, right, that's how it sounded, but she doesn't care, why.

"Mom, wasn't Bunko last week," she asked poking into the kitchen from the dining room.

"Oh, yes it would have been," Mom said, ears dropping and tail curling, "Two ladies were sick so we chatted and and and rescheduled."

"Oh ok," She said then went back to the family room adjusting the seats.

Mom's totally lying, why are mom and dad lying, I mean if they both know they're not cheating and it's moms turn... OMG they're Swingers... mommy and daddy are fucking swingers.

"Ok honey," mom said startling her, "Pizza's ready and I made the cucumber salads go get your friends. I'm heading out Edwin."

Dad met mom at the door as she ran upstairs opened her door, leaned in, "One sec you all."

Shut the door and listened from the top of the stairs.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," Dad said.

"Babe," Mom said in a sultry tone, "I only do things you wouldn't do."

She darted back into her room away from the kissing sounds and spicy scents.

"Hey, Jill," Emily said, "you look like you saw a ghost. You ok?"

"Yeah fine, foods ready," she said, opening the door for everyone, Oh my goddess, Oh my Goddess, Oh MY GODDESS.

Chapter 35 Timmy:

Timmy's knees bounced while mom parked in the Rock Creek Campus western lot.

"Honey, are you ok," mom asked.

"I'm nervous," he said, "I'm thinking of putting my name down on the list again but everyone will be there."

"I can stay if that'd help," she said, squeezing his knee.

"No, I'm fine," he said, "err, you're welcome but if you want I think I'd be ok without the support though."

"Your poetry is amazing honey," she said kissing his cheek.

"Mom, stop it," he said wiping, "so I'll see you here or should I text thirty minutes before we're ready."

"Thirty minutes that works," she said while he got out of the car.

He waved.

She blew a kiss then pulled out of the loading and unloading area.

He gripped his back-pack straps tight and trotted in to the community college.

His cell buzzed.

"Hey what room," Jill texted.

"I'm coming in the west door," he texted, "It's in the common area near one twenty-one."

Paul called.

"Hey Paul," he answered.

"Sweet... what building," Jill texted.

"This is stupid," Paul grumbled, "why is it that Jill can't ask for directions."

He texted, "building five."

"I'm almost to the quad," He said, "where are you? I also think she hate showing any extra weakness as a small lady."

"Wow harsh dude," he said.

"oh, I think I see you," Paul said, "can you see me, I'm waving?"

"Sweet, be right there," he said, "I think I'm right he said."

"Well don't let her hear that," Paul said.

"Hear what," Jill asked in the back ground.

"Probably not worth finding out," Emily said from further away.

"The peanut gallery is in force," he said, "they won't do that the whole night, right?"

"Wrong, you've met them," Paul said, echoing over the quad and the phone, "anyway hanging up."

"Hey lady's," he said, "Ready for an evening of well written yet angsty verse?"

"OMP, like twilight," Emily said hopping.

"I hope to hell not," Paul grumbled.

"Wait Paul, you read it," Jill asked smacking his arm, "You told me you didn't."

"I don't describe everything I do," Paul said.

He led Paul, Emily and Jill into the building.

"But you said you didn't read it," Jill said.

"I also pretend I don't fart," Paul said, "I think you do that too."

"Prime guysplaning," Emily said, pricking up the pace to walk even with him.

Jill and Paul bickering behind them.

"Are they always like that," Emily asked.

"Pretty much," he said, "the way they talk is pretty cute, but far from pretty."

"So, I don't know anything," Emily said.

"That's awful," he said, turning down a hall with voices ahead, "i'm sure you know something. That was very self-deprecating."

Emily's ears twitched, "I see... your just like them only quieter."

"Like who?"

"Oh nothing," Emily said, "I meant I don't know anything about gay people."

"Funny thing," he said, "Neither do I."

"But you are one," Emily said incredulously.

"I know, tough rub right," He said.

"I guess it is a community," Emily said, reaching the group of people milling around an open sitting area, "What do I do if a girl wants to flirt with me or kiss me."

"Uhm, it's up to you," he said with a shrug, "flirt and kiss back if you want to and don't if you don't want too. There people not attackers in a dark alley."

"Oh, sorry," Emily said fur standing, "I must sound stupid."

"No, just unsure," he said, "I'm the young guy here shouldn't you be giving me advise."

"uhm, play safe," Emily said.

Jill cackled next to them making Emily jump.

"Oh, shut up Jill," Paul growled.

"Please, that was awesome," Jill said, snagging an open couch.

"Why did you invite her," Paul grumped.

"Because you wouldn't have come," he said joining them on the couch.

Emily's ears jumped green eyes wide as she sat, whispering, "So many mixed scents, piercings and dyed fur."

Jill leaned over Paul, "It's a community of people that care about you being yourself."

"How do they know," Emily asked, leaning over him, "I mean the church always told me."

"I don't know," Jill said, "But I have to be a fruit fly that's what they call me, because in their community straight friends don't get to pick their own label."

"Prime Jill, I said sorry," Paul said slouching into the back rest.

Jill winked at him, he chuckled at Paul's discomfort.

"Prime," Emily hissed softly, "is that Siamese a male or female, the scents so... androgynous."

"Get their number and find out," Jill said grinning evilly.

"Oh my," Emily said.

Earning several George Takei impressions around them.

"Their listening to us," Emily hissed.

"Ah yeah," he said, "you two aren't subtle."

"What does that mean," Jill said quirking an eye brow.

"You're straight," a grey squirrel said, "Hey Timmy, glad you have friends joining you, do you want on the list."

"I don't know, Kye," he said, hunching his shoulders, "I've never shared for family like this."

"Oh," Paul said cinnamon tasting tangy while hiding a back pack.

"The rest of you are welcome," Kye said waving a clipboard.

"What is the theme," Emily asked.

"Sex and Love," Kye said.

Jill giggled, "Paul you and Timmy should share."

"No... maybe," Paul said.

"Paul, you wrote something," he asked.

"It's embarrassing." Paul dropped his ears, "It's for you."

"I'll keep a couple maybe slots," Kye said, "Just in case, the list is pretty full." Then the squirrel moved on through the room.

Jill asked, "We aren't making that big of a scene, are we?"

"Not anymore," he said, glancing at everyone around them getting back to their own conversations.

"Wait is that Ms. Varava," Paul asked. Pointing at a Red Panda, Civet and Badger standing near the wall of windows.

"Yeah," he said, "she is one of the teacher sponsors. That reminds me Jill, Mrs. Ashwood friend said that if we can get parent permission we could get Paul and my samples frozen."

"That's overkill for the project," Paul said.

"No," Jill said, "Overkill would be ten thousand dollars or more, for an egg freezing and harvesting."

"Wow, are all of them gay," Emily asked.

"Could be a lot of things," Paul said rifling through his bag again.

"Ok," Emily said, "I feel so out of place."

"Welcome to the minority," Jill said, "Well in this room at least."

"Timmy, I wrote one," Paul said, waving a paper at him avoiding eye contact, "I think you should read it it's not good enough to share."

"Come on Paul," He said, "If it's worth me reading, it's worth everyone hearing."

"Jill read an early idea," Paul said waving the paper again.

"Share it I'd rather hear it," he said.

"I'll read it," Emily said grabbing the page.

He flagged Kye down.

"I'll share mine," he said, "It's embarrassing cause the research came out of romance novels."

Jill cackled again.

"Stop being a witch Jill," Paul said.

He and Jill chorused, "I'm not a witch I'm your wife."

"Why'd we even watch that," Paul said, "you make so many quotes it's ridiculous."

"You mean it," he asked.

"Anybody want a peanut," Jill said.

"That's it-"

"Oh Paul, this is so cute," Emily said, "I'm not this good with words, you should definitely share."

Emily passed the paper over while Paul chatted with Jill.

Emily nudged his shoulder, "It's about you and him."

His nose reddened, then he took the clipboard from Kye.

The separation between the two spots would have to do. He passed Paul the clip board.

Paul passed back the clip board after signing, "Great, now I'm nervous as hell."

"Don't be, you'll be great," Jill said.

"Hey, can I have everyone's attention," an alto voiced Panda from the group with Ms. Varava said moving to the stage along the wall of windows, "Thank you, everyone for coming, we here at Rock Creek are so happy to host the Words of FLAG night. Four years and running and they have all been amazing. Up first is Kye."

"So how does it work," Emily hissed.

"They read, then we talk briefly," Timmy said holding out a paw for Paul to take.

Paul glanced around the room fur standing, then slumped taking his paw.

Kye read, "Freely I stand trapped in a life I did not choose. Openly I choose to walk in hopes of another. Whispering I ask who am I."

Paul leaned in, "I'm sorry I got embarrassed."

"It's ok Paul," he said squeezing Paul's paw, "it makes me nervous too, but I like it anyway."

"I'll do better," Paul said, "Kye is cute for a rodent- ooff."

Jill shushed them.

Paul whispered at Jill, "what was that for?"

"The rodent comment, now shut up," Jill hissed with another elbow.

Everyone clapped, he joined in.

Emily leaned in, "is that common?"

"Is what common," he asked.

"Feeling you don't belong," Emily asked.

A hedgehog got up to read, "So mines on Polyamory... here goes. You and I seek moments together. Hopes that this heart is one to tether. But you pushed asking me to give up my art. Knowing my other love right from the start."

"We're teens," Jill said, "the adults all say we should feel like that, but I think their full of shit-umething, hey Ms. Varava... Shut it Paul."

Paul, Jill cackled next to him, then said, "Jill stop it with those dagger elbows."

"Hello my talkative students," Ms. Varava said brown eyes twinkling.

"Sorry Mrs. Varava," Emily said, "that one that was about not feeling like you belong, is that normal?"

"It just Ms," Ms. Varava said, "Yes, most LGBTQ persons live with constant social pressure to be something they aren't. Now, gang lets whisper more softly."

The hedgehog said, "I wish you hadn't gone on that stupid date. If you haven't noticed it is a tad late."

Jill whispered, "That could never work, it just ends in sadness."

"What does," Paul asked.

"Nothing," Jill said, then sprang up from the couch, "I'm going to the bathroom."

"Down the hall on the left," he whispered, as Jill rushed off, "Hey Paul what's up with Jill?"

"I'll find out," Emily said getting up.

Everyone clapped for the hedgehog.

Paul whispered, "that was like a switch, has she talk to you, did I do something wrong?"

"No, I think we're fine," He said.

"Well, you're fine," Paul said checking him out.

"You're an idiot," he said pulling Paul into his side, "I don't know, that came out of nowhere."

Paul's spicy cinnamon and exploratory paws excited things.

"Paul stop," he said, ears dropping, "I can't scent mask like you."

People smirked at them.

They moved to sit an appropriate distance when Jill and Emily returned, toilet tissue in paw.

"You ok Jill," he asked.

"Ah yeah," Jill said dabbing at her eyes, "uhm, just my time of the month. What did we miss?"

Emily rolled her eyes behind Jill.

"Nothing, the next is a couple," he said, "they needed a second mic so you didn't miss much."

A Chow in red flannel, and a pixey furred Wolf adjusted their mics.

"OMP, that mane is sexy," Paul groaned.

"I could grow one," he said, "but I think I'd end up looking like a cotton wood seed... plus I couldn't swim anymore."

Paul nudged his shoulder, "You're perfect as you are."

"No, no I'm not," he said.

One of the mics made a feedback squeal. The room erupted in protests.

"Sorry," the sound gal called from the side of the room.

Flannel's baritone got everyone's attention, "He kisses her, enjoy." Flannel cleared his throat, "Honey are you ok?"

Pixey's contralto read, "How do I tell him I'm unhappy, but I love him? His hairy arm wraps the body that disgusts me."

"I love you babe," Flannel said.

"Tickling warmth presses close," Pixey said, "as his masculine traits tease the backs of my knees and buttocks. Why why is he so beautiful handsome and he's- Oh, kissing my neck. Those lips those whiskers the contrasting coarseness. His want is hard against my thigh."

Flannel asked, "What are you thinking?"

"I want him," Pixey said, "it's the closest I can be, please if only. Grinding back against him in unspoken terms he accepts."

"Okay babe I will," Flannel said.

"He wets his paw," Pixey said, "and is in me. I can't help melting into him. Take me now, please. He moves, his hardness that I love and want, deep. While he cups the meat of my chest."

"I can't last tonight," Flannel groans.

Pixey makes a moan then said, "His urgent thrusts are traced with anticipatory shutters. Then roars in my ear his thankfulness."

"I love you're my wife," Flannel grunts.

Pixey drops the paper eyes scanning the room, "But... I'm really his husband."

The room sat silent till claps started from the corners.

"OMG, that Wolf is trans," Jill said, "Wow."

"Trans as in was a lady," Emily asked.

"Yeah," Jill said over him.

"Ouch Timmy," Paul said pulling his paw away, "you were crushing my paw."

"Oh, was I," he said.

"Yeah, be right back," Paul said, Wish me luck."

Emily leaned in, "So, that's why she had a deeper voice."

"He," Jill said, "probably in transition."

"Transition," he asked.

"Yeah, like the hormones or surgery," Jill said.

"Hi all I'm Paul, I wrote this for my boyfriend, so here it goes, it's called, You make me want more"

He watched the dyed pixey haired wolf.

"I look to you and wish I could be."

...

...

People clapped around him.

Paul tucked his chin embarrassed heading back to the couch.

A Duck moved up to the mic, "mines called Mommies. Mommy when did you know you wanted to be my mommy."

Paul bounced in the seat next to him, "what did you think?"

He knit his brows, "it was... good."

Paul breathed deep, "Timmy, you're totally lying."

"Sorry, I feel bad but..." He looked over at the snuggling chow wolf couple.

"Well, you're a jerk," Paul said, "but that chow is super-hot."

He kept his eyes on the Wolf, till the wolf turned noticing him.

He shifted quickly to whisper to Paul, smacking their heads together, "dang it."

"Ouch, I'm not a Ram," Paul grumbled.

He kissed Paul's head, "All better?"

Paul's tail lashed against Jill who huffed, "Seriously, you two are embarrassing."

Jill trapped Paul's tail under a thigh.

The wolf still watched him while his nose reddened.

Paul talked with Jill, "... I mean I couldn't. I like my body how it is."

Jill glanced at him making him shift in his seat.

"I like myself as I am," Jill said, "but for some it's not the same."

Emily leaned in tapping his shoulder, "if someone is trans do they need to have the surgery?"

"Why are you asking me," he said ears dropping, "why would you assume I'd know that?"

"Just a general question," Emily said, sniffing his scent, "Are you ok?"

"Yeah fine just nervous," he said, patting his knees, then standing, the wolf still watched, "I'm- I'm up next."

He started moving but Paul caught his elbow, "aren't you forgetting something."

"Am I... Oh," he said, leaning in to give Paul a kiss.

"Ah thanks," Paul said, Cinnamon going tart and spicy, "I meant your poem."

Paul pressed the paper he left on the couch into his paw.

"Oh, Thanks," he said heading to the stage, he tracked the wolf in the corner of his eye.

Reaching to the mic he gave a sunrise wave, glanced at his paw then put it in his pocket.

"So, this one needed research," he said.

"Romance novels," Kye fake coughed next to the stage.

He laughed, "maybe, anyway it's called wants."

He cleared his throat, "What is sex, Is it the touch of what you're owed to feel loved? How to love, Is it the Sight of lips coming together? What is sex, Is it the taste of worlds you've always been promised? How to love, Is it the sound of hearts beating together? What is sex, Is it the smell of all the heat you must feel? How to love, Is it the smell of fur in your brushing paw? What is sex, Is it the sound of platitudes it's the best? How to love, Is it the taste of lips after a long walk? What is sex, Is it the sight of perfect bodies tangled? How to love, Is it the touch of toes warming in the night? What is sex, When it terrifies you, but you want it anyway? How to love, When it terrifies you, but you want to anyway?"

He shifted, they hate it, I'm awful.

Everyone clapped, he tucked his head ears down. Then moved back to his seat.

The wolf still watched him.

Paul hugged him when he sat, "maybe we should finally get you some personal experience."

"Paul, you don't have any either," Jill said.

"I've kissed a lot," Paul said, crossing his arms, slumping into the couch.

"Me and Timmy don't count," Jill said.

"Wait you two kissed," Emily asked bouncing in her seat.

"Yeah so," Paul asked.

"Uhm, we were you know," he said.

Paul said, "I needed-"

"He was confirming team assignments," Jill said, shrugging, "Only a half chub, which hurt my ego terribly."

"OMP, Jill that was a secret," Paul snapped.

"Oh, well not anymore," Jill said, waving her arms wide, "Be free truth. Be free."

Emily snickered.

"Are you mad Timmy," Paul asked.

"No, but I should test things," he said, leaning over Paul to kiss Jill on the muzzle.

Jill squeaked into his mouth then pulled away, "talk about aggressive, straight to tongue?"

"That's how Paul likes it," he said.

"Really," Jill and Emily chorused.

Cedar and Pine wafted by as the Chow and Wolf passed the couch.

He blurted, "I liked your Poem."

The wolf's eyes brightened, "I liked yours as well, want to trade copies."

"Erin," the chow groaned, "he's underage."

Erin elbowed, his... her, they're, Chow, "Hush Walter, it's just the paper, no e-mail or number on it."

"Thanks," he said trading papers, "sorry, mines crinkled."

"No worries sugar," the contralto said, "have a great night you all."

As they walked away Walter asked, "do you want to be on, to catch a predator?"

"Honey we are predators," Erin said.

"You know want I meant," Walter said as they left ear shot.

"So, you liked that one," Emily said, "It's kinda sexual."

"Yeah," he said, putting the paper in his bag, "I don't know I never heard anything like it."

"I just don't get it," Paul said, "I could never do the to myself."

"You just like dick too much," Jill said.

"Maybe, don't actually know yet," Paul said nudging his shoulder.

"Dicks are gross," he said.

"I'm ambivalent," Emily said, "But I try not to think about sex."

"Not ever," Jill asked, "or just till you're eighteen?"

"Not ever I guess," Emily said checking her phone, "Mom's here."

"Ok, let's head out," Paul said standing, "I'll see when mom's getting here."

Paul walked off pulling out his phone.

He text mom, "Paul's mom can give me a ride home."

Jill stepped up next to him as Paul and Emily moved ahead in the hall, she whispered, "Timmy, are you ok, you've seemed distracted?"

"I'm fine," he said, slowing his steps while Paul and Emily got further ahead.

Jill sniffed, "Yeah, completely fine. Come on what's wrong?"

"I really don't know," he said, stopping at a drinking fountain dropping his bag to the side.

Jill stood waiting for him to go on.

He stood water dripping from his chin fur, "I feel wrong all the time."

"Like how," Jill asked glancing back at Paul.

"No not like him," he said, wiping his chin, "I love Paul and being with him, and I'm fine being attracted to him."

"Ok, vague," Jill said, "Babe, you're my gay best- fuck it no. You are my best friend you have a third of my heart. I know somethings up, tell me so I can know us better."

"I can't," He said leaning back to the cool wall, "I don't know me."

"You don't know you," Jill asked, leaning on the wall next to him, "But you know you love Paul and that you're gay."

"Do I know that I'm gay," he asked.

"Ah..." Jill said snugging his hip with her shoulder, "if kissing me triggered bi urges I wouldn't blame you."

He laughed, "I wish it was that easy."

"I am not easy," Jill said in a mock pout, "stop slut shaming."

"I. I think might," he said, grabbing his bag.

Jill watched and waited.

He pulled out Erin's poem, "I don't know but what if he's kissing him."

Jill quirked an eyebrow, "no, Paul's a gay guy... oh."

"Jill I think I'm-"

"Hey," Paul shouted down the hall, "moms here already what's the holdup."

"Be right there," Jill yelled.

"Don't tell Paul," he said.

"Will you," Jill asked.

He grabbed his bag and started done the hall.

"Timmy, will you tell him," Jill asked jogging to keep up.

"I-I don't know," he said, "What if I'm wrong, or being stupid... he want wants me."

"You don't know that," Jill said.

He pushed through the doors, "He didn't want you because you're a girl."

"Well, thanks for that- hey Paul," Jill said glaring daggers at him, "where's momma parked?"

"This way," Paul said, "she parked by Emily's mom. So Emm, you think you could, do it?"

"Don't know, you did fine," Emily said, "but you're LGBTQ, I'm not."

"The theme was love and sex," Paul said.

"Well, I've only had love," Emily said, while they walked through the wind to the cars, "but nothing other than family or friends."

"Yeah, Timmy sounded like an expert," Paul said, ears down tail lashing, "our poet master, so skilled."

"I'm not that good," he said.

"Yeah," Paul said, "and apparently, neither am I."

"But people seemed to like it," he said.

"People liked it... but not you," Paul said, hugging Emily, "see you tomorrow."

He hugged Emily, "Paul, I didn't..."

Jill gently smacked her head on the door then got into the back seat.

"Bye guys," Emily said rushing to her mom's car.

"Just admit it," Paul growled.

"Admit what," he said, trying to move past Paul into the car.

"Stop it," Paul said, "what do you think I can't know, that I'm too fragile or something."

"What," he stammered, walking to the far side of the car, "why would I think you're fragile?"

Jill sat by the door he walked to and locked it, Jill jerked her head that he needed to go sit by Paul.

"You don't like my writing," Paul said.

"I never said that," he said walking to Paul's side of the car, "I said it was good."

"Yeah," Paul said pulling the front door open, "but not in a way that you meant it."

"Wait you're not sitting with us," he said climbing into the back.

"No, I'm good here," Paul said, avoiding his eyes in the mirror, "Let's go mom."

"Come on," he said, "now you're saying good without meaning it."

"Fine, what was good about it," Paul asked.

"I..." he said then dropped his ears grabbing Jill's paw, "I can't say I got distracted."

Jill took it but rolled her eyes at him.

"Distracted... you didn't even listen," Paul said whipping around, "what got you distracted?"

Momma drove south towards the Sunset Highway.

"I can't say," he whispered.

"What? couldn't hear you," Paul snapped.

"Go on," Jill said squeezing his paw.

He shook his head at her.

"Fine maybe I should," Jill said leaning forward towards momma's seat freezing.

Jill sniffed mouth dropping open.

Momma avoided looking in the mirrors.

"Great, everyone knew but me," Paul said crossing his arms, "Thanks Timmy."

"No, I don't think that," he said leaning forward to rub Paul's shoulder.

Paul leaned forward away from his touch.

"I said I was distracted," he said, shaking Paul's seat, "I'm sorry I didn't hear."

"You didn't even listen," Paul said switching from angry to hurt.

"No, it was that couple," he said, reaching and brushing Paul's shoulder with the back of his paw, "I'm really sorry."

Paul leaned back gently pressing into his paw, "I guess I understand, that Chow was super-hot, and in flannel. So Jill, what were you going to say?"

"Nothing, it's not my secret," Jill said glaring daggers through momma's seat.

"Vague," Paul said, "Mom can we drop off Timmy and then I can walk home I want to read him my poem."

"That works honey," Momma said, "Jill should I drop you off?"

"Sure, whatever," Jill growled.

"Jill is it the time," he asked, "you know of the month or something?"

"No... just, whatever," Jill said, "I don't want to talk."

They slowed outside the terraces of his yard.

Paul hopped out and got his door.

"Want to sit up front," Momma said.

"No," Jill said, "I want to hangout for a sec thin I'll walk home too."

"Ok," momma said.

Paul opened his mouth, his paw squeeze relaxed Paul.

Jill clambered out to join them on the curl.

"See you later honey," momma said ears remained down watching Jill.

Momma drove off.

"What was that about," he asked.

"Nothing, you guys have your fight," Jill said walking across the street to the park.

"What was it about that couple," Paul asked.

"Which couple," he asked checking the windows, moving to the driveway.

"Subtle Timmy," Paul said, "Fine what don't you want your parents to hear."

"What nothing," he said, shifting from paw to paw, "I just got nervous, I mean, what makes someone do that, you know become something else?"

"You mean that wolf," Paul asked, leaning against the frame of the garage door, "Major body image issues. That got you distracted?"

"Yeah, maybe," he said, "I just played dress up and I don't know, what if that means I'm like that."

Paul laughed, "you'd know if you were. Come here, you big goof."

He stepped into Paul's hug, "I'm sorry I missed your poem."

"Is what it is," Paul said, "any idea what's up with Jill?"

"No, she seemed spooked," he said nuzzling the top of Paul's head, "maybe we should go talk to her."

Paul purred, "Or we could finally see what your dick's for?"

"I'd like to play with yours," he said.

"You always play with mine," Paul said, "I what to have sex."

"Are we even ready," he asked.

Spicy cinnamon filled his nose as Paul pulled him down for a kiss.

He jumped as the electric garage door rose rolling into the ceiling.

Paul pushed off the wall grumbling.

Mom stood with a weird expression, "Millet you're home."