Whispering Twins (Part 7)

Story by TheWinterStar on SoFurry

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#7 of Whispering Twins

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Zay woke to a noise. He rubbed his head as he sat up, perking his ears at the sound of moaning. He opened his door and stepped into the hall. The moaning wasn't coming from his parents room. He looked up at Zayras door and pushed it open.

Zayra had her legs in the air, grabbing the sheets as she let out a cry. "Gerald... Ohh god Gerald..."

The brown coyote was slamming his red and pink knot on her purple slit, panting against her mouth. "Yeah, you like this don't you little slut... That damn brother of yours isn't near as good as me is he? Say it bitch. Say your brothers worthless!"

"H-he's worthless... Zays worthless... He's n-not as good as you. God Gerald slow down I'm coming!"

"Come on my cock slut. I'll dump it right in you." He rose a paw and grabbed her neck, her tongue falling from her mouth, "I'll knock you up right now."

"P-please... please G-gerald!"

Pressure formed in his chest, weighing his lungs down like he was about to be crushed. He could feel in the pit of his stomach her pleasure. His mouth hung open, tears pouring down his face. "Z-zayra... Stop..."

Gerald grunted, his knot making a wet pop and he growled. "My little slut aren't you."

She nodded with a happy pant.

Zay threw himself up with a cry. He paused, hands on the bed, gripping the sheet as he started to pull up his knees. The weight of his lungs still there, the aching pain in his heart, the faintest pleasure in his gut that wasn't even his own. His body went weak and he fell back to the bed, unable to find the strength to sit back up.

He couldn't even lift his arms to wipe the tears from his face as they slipped over his fur into his ears. With a cough his door opened.

"Zay," the female's voice asked. It wasn't Zayra.

He tried to stiffen his lip, but he sniffed, his nose trying to run, "M..mom..."

Mary sat on the bed and touched his face, "Honey what's the matter?"

His left arm weakly rose, shaking as he grabbed her sleep shirt and pulled on her, "Mom..."

Mary leaned over and wiped his face with her thumbs, hushing him gently as she laid on her side. Her feet on the bed as she pulled him close, stroking over the fur of his neck and upper back. "It's okay honey. Just relax, you're okay."

His paws wrapped around her, gripping her shirt in his claws as he curled. His face buried into her neck under her head.

"What's the matter with him," Henry asked softly.

Mary shifted to put a hand on the back of Zays head, "I'm not sure..."

There was a moment of quiet and then an irritated growl, "Fifty bucks says he's drunk as a skunk."

She sighed and laid her head above his, "We'll talk about it in the morning."

Zay could feel his body shaking, the images of Gerald and Zayra flashing through his brain like a video on loop. He could hear Geralds voice, the wet sounds of his flesh in his sister. He make ragged attempts to sniff through his now plugged nose, coughing and gasping.

Henry walked out.

However Mary still laid with him, hushing and petting him, letting him cling tighter.

He wasn't sure how long he'd laid there, unable to properly breathe, his face soaked with tears as well as Mary's throat. "Z-Zay-r-ra..."

His bed shifted, a presence of desire fell over him. He could feel her again. Sitting up he grabbed her, yanking her down onto his chest where he could hold her. He pressed his face into her shirt, claws twisting into the fabric on her back. "Zayra...."

Her arms wrapped around his shoulders, one under his neck, holding between his shoulder blades. The other petting from ear base to mane, hushing him along the way. "I'm here Zay. It's okay."

His legs shifted, pulling one of hers to hold between his. His long tail flicking over to find hers and coil around it as best he could. To be close, to feel her around him and against him. Nothing could rip her from his grasp now.

Mary pet at Zays shoulder, "See if you can find out what's wrong Zayra... He talks to you the best."

She nodded a little, "Okay mom..."

Zay heard his door click shut and he closed his eyes, trying to control his breathing. He could feel her heartbeat in her left breast. The rushing sound of air in her lungs. 'My sister... My precious sister... Gerald doesn't deserve her. Maybe he is some nice guy but he doesn't love her like I do, like I could! He doesn't understand her, like I do.' He sniffled and squeezed her closer, claws of his right hand finding fur on the small of her back.

Once he calmed down enough he rose his head, letting his whiskers fall to her cheek as he laid back down. "Sis?"

Her eyes opened tiredly, "Yeah?"

His nose twitched, "Would.... Asking you to break up with Gerald make me a bad brother?"

She sighed, gaze shifting away from him. "You can ask, but I'll just say 'no'."

He felt his ears drop back, sighing with a shudder as the waterworks started up again. "I'm scared... I feel like he's going to take you away from me."

She turned her head and licked over his right ear, "I'm your sister, no one can just 'take' me."

A moment of quiet fell between them, and he lowered his nose back to her neck. 'But I love you as more than a sister...' His eyes closing to try and blink away tears.

Friday rolled around, Zayras heat was fading noticeably. Zay relaxing in his chair as he could still feel his hangover. He twisted an ear a bit as someone walked up beside him, an eye opening to look up at Maranda. He sat up and looked at her, "Hey, sorry about yesterday. With-"

"It's fine Zay, it's not your fault. I was actually coming to apologize for it..."

He smiled and stood towering over the shorter parrot and leaning over to peck her cheek, "It's fine Maranda." He gripped her arm as the room spun.

"You okay," she asked softly. "Are you sick?"

"Nah, I uh..." He stood up and rubbed his head, "It's a bit of a hangover, Gerald was over yesterday and I didn't handle it well. Dads still pissed I drank the last of moms whisky."

"Oh wow straight for the hard stuff huh."

"Desperate times call for desperate measures.."

She frowned a little, "All over Gerald? Isn't that the guy dating Kathy?"

His ears rose, "What?"

"I dunno, could be a different Gerald, goodness knows there's a lot of 'em in school. Anyway I gotta get to class Zay." She wove her hand as she walked away.

Zay paused, wondering, curious, and very confused. He sat back at his desk. Pulling out his phone into a group chat, "<I want a list of Geralds. Any Gerald in school. And someone to find out who Kathy is dating!>"

Zayra was again walking with Gerald toward the doors to meet with Zay. She clung to his arm and purred, "Sorry if my dad made dinner awkward or anything."

"Nah, you're fine. He seemed nice. Was kinda glad Zay didn't come down stairs."

She lowered her ears, "Yeah, I don't think he was feeling all that well. He woke up crying last night."

"Zay? Crying? About what?"

She shrugged, "He said he was afraid you were taking me away from him."

He paused and pulled her closer to his side, "Maybe Zays sensing we're getting serious? Worried I'm going to make his sister my forever lover."

She put her paws on her cheeks in a poor attempt to cover her blush, "G-Gerald..."

He pulled her aside, already seeing Zay in the main hall. He pressed her lightly against the wall, "Zayra?"

Her ears were back, heart thundering in her chest as excitement filled her gut. "Y-yeah?"

"Can I kiss you? Here? Now?"

Her ears dipped back, hitting the wall as they shifted. "I erm... I guess." Her heart thundered in her chest, butterflies swirling in her gut as his whiskers neared hers. She could feel his breath against her lips, the heat of his body as her paws shifted to his chest.

"I love you Zayra, I know I haven't said it yet, but I know I should have."

She gripped his shirt and pulled, mashing her nose against his as they kissed. Tingling of tears burned her eyes, 'He's not the first guy to say it. But I bet he's the first guy to mean it.'

"Zayra!"

The two yanked away and turned to who had said her name.

Zay, with his arms crossed, and almost growling. "No PSA in school, morons. Zayra get over here."

She cleared her throat a little and rubbed the back of her neck, "S-sorry Gerald."

He took a step back and scowled at Zay, "The hell is PSA?"

Zay put an arm around Zayra as she approached him, "Public signs of affection... And for you, it's out of school too because you can keep your dirty paws off my sister." He turned, dragging her along.

"Zay, he's my boyfriend... He loves me."

Zay sneered a bit, rolling his eyes, but he didn't say anything. Leading her to the car and closing her door for her.

She kicked her bag by her foot, crossing her arms as she stared out the window. "You can't keep him from me forever..."

He huffed, "Not if I can help it..."

With a humph she turned back out the window, trying to hide her tears as best she could. Her body waves of hot and cold. They were almost home before she spoke again, "I love him..."

His hands gripped the wheel tighter, the scars on his knuckles turning white.

She bit her lip, an odd sense of pain forming in her stomach and chest.

He pulled into the driveway and before he even turned off the car she was out, running up the steps to the door. She kicked over the rug and picked up the spare key.

"Zayra what are you doing?"

She opened the door and slammed it, dropping herself in front of it and putting her hands on her face.

She reached up and slipped the padlock on, knowing Zay didn't have that key handy. She dropped back down and sniffled, rubbing her paws on her face to wipe the tears away.

The door handle jiggled, "Zayra? Open the door."

She stuck her face in her legs and sobbed. Coughing a little. "Lemme alone..."

There was quiet, and she lifted her head. 'Is he still waiting?'

There was a click in the house, and she rose her ears, leaving her bag as she rose curiously.

The back door slammed shut.

She looked around and bounced over the couch, slipping over the carpet and behind the recliner in the corner, ducking down in the shadow and curling her tail over her head, the ashy black fur covering her rather bright clothes. Hidden, but not completely.

Zay stepped from the kitchen, red eyes looking around, "Lock me out of the house... We've done this before Zayra. You know how this is going to end..."

A lump formed in her throat.

His eyes turned and he ducked under the other recliner, crawling toward her on all fours.

She screamed and backed up, throwing her head up and bouncing over the chair, skittering up the steps and slamming their parents bedroom door. She ducked into their closet, only a moment before Zay opened the door. His eyes shifted around, sniffing the air and pittering around to the bed, he looked under it and behind it before standing and walking over to the door, looking back.

'Good he'll check elsewhere...'

He smiled and kept his feet planted on their parents carpet, shutting the door.

'Uh oh...' Her fur raised on end.

He dropped to all fours and started right for the closet. "You always were crappy at hide and seek."

'Oh no... he's not playing...' She shuffled around, trying to find freedom among the fallen clothes.

Zays head dives in by her tail, teeth snapping as she squeals and stumbles free, an odd shirt tangled around her legs that she kicks free of. Bounding onto the bed to get over it and finding herself pinned. Her claws dig into the sheets, pulling them free of the bed and squealing.

He rolled her over, pinning her hands above her head.

She panted, grimacing as she expected her punishment of a wet sloppy lick, or maybe yelled at. Her ears were plastered back, shaking in fear. Over her own breathing she couldn't hear him.

An eye opened, looking up at him as he stared down at her. Slowly she turned her head to face him. Their red eyes meeting and holding.

His gaze sent a shudder through her, straight to her folds that twitched with slight arousal.

She could feel his knees by her thighs, trapping her legs, his tail dangling down by hers. Her wrists firmly trapped in his far larger paws, pressed to the bed. Her eyes searched his face, trying to figure out his next move.

Zay was blanking. Staring at Zayras slightly baggy black tee that seemed grey compared to her ashy fur. The swirling blue design on it, as if caressing the two lumps on her chest that made her breasts. He couldn't rip his eyes from hers.

The sweet dark red cherry color of her irises, gleaming in the poor lighting of the room. Curtains drawn before the window. Just past the end of his nose was hers. The dark purple wetness of flesh. Just below it her soft dark lips, the faintest color of skin. Her mouth gaped slightly as her weak lungs attempted to catch up with the demand of her running.

Feeling her warm breath against his whiskers.

His heart was beating faster, a sense of fear and pleasure. He wanted to speak but it was like a barrier stood between his brain and tongue. 'She's beautiful... Why can't I say it? Zayra I love you. I love you in ways I don't think even I fully understand.'

She squirmed a little, her mouth moving but he couldn't hear her properly. The sound of her voice drowned with the beating of his heart.

A voice that may have been his own spoke in his mind, a simple few words.

'Kiss her idiot.'

His head tilted and he pressed his lips to hers, sighing through his nose as his eyes closed.

She squirmed, whimpering under him, pulling at her wrists.

His thumbs shifted onto her paw pads, tongue finding hers. His fangs clacked with hers, hips shifting and squirming as his tail found hers.

Through the kiss she relaxed, her body sinking into the bed as she squirmed anew. Her once avoiding tongue coiled and slipped around his.

He moaned into her mouth, feeling her tail shift around his, curling like their tongues. Slowly his paws opened, slipping his hands up and lacing his fingers between her.

Her fingers gripped back, her legs gently lifting up between his legs, knees to her chest.

His hips dipped as her ankles pulled at him, grinding his bulging zipper against her jeans. Breaking the kiss for only a moment, a sense of victory in his chest among the hurricane of fluttering.

Zay lowered his right hand and gripped her tight, feeling the jean fabric under his paw pads. "Zayra..." His mouth met hers again, resting his body on her lightly. 'I love you. I want you.'

She broke the kiss, writhing under him as she panted, "Zay..."

His nose fell and he licked up her neck, sighing heavily and inhaling through his nose. Her heavenly scent of arousal burning his body for more.

Her hand lifted, gripping his upper arm. "Zay... S-slow down."

He panted and ground his jeans harder against her, feeling the fabric of his boxers against his ever tender cock as it abandoned his sheath.

She squirmed, shifting her paw with his and putting him off balance. Shoving him to her side.

He landed on the bed gently, looking up and watching her open the bedroom door and step out and around the corner down the hall. The victory in his chest started to fade into defeat. Laying out across the bed, his right paw distractingly stroking the sheet where she had laid, the gentle scent of her.

After a few minutes he got up, shoulders slumped as he stepped into the hall, rubbing his mane. His ears perked, eyes lifting as she stepped from her room.

She was holding her clothes in hand, shying from him as she started for the bathroom.

He neared her, reaching out to her, "Zayra I-"

She stopped, backing herself against the wall as she looked away, "You're just a brother Zay... Quit acting like more than that..."

He felt the weight in his chest form, knees threatening to collapse as he watched her walk into the bathroom. He sluggishly stepped into his room, pushing the door shut and sinking in front of it. He leaned back, resting his head against the wood of the door, tears dripping down his face, biting his lip to keep himself in control.

'Why do I hope so much for her to just... love me. Like in every book and fairy tail just one kiss and they're off getting married. Why is real life so much god damn harder?' He sniffled, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. 'She's not even in heat anymore but all the feeling is still there.' His ears twitched, hearing the shower running. 'What am I missing? Why is my sister so hard to get to like me?'

He went to stand but his legs refused to properly move. Crawling along the floor and slipping under his bed. Laying on his side in the darkness he allowed himself to cry, the wrenching pain in his chest choking sobs from him.

While he laid there a soft scent passed his nose, one that caught his interest and he looked up. Her grey underwear that he had stolen some time ago. Stashed and forgotten about. Using a shaky paw he pulled them towards him, touching them gently. He sighed heavily, tossing them away toward the foot of his bed. The sickeningly heavenly scent of her fertility was physically arousing, but wiggled the dagger of guilt that was firmly planted in his chest.

While he laid there and sniffed he felt himself feel heavier, eyes drifting close. 'I remember when we use to chase eachother around the house and yard. Back when we were a near inseparable pair. Like the time Zayra decided to play hide and seek at the church... And no one could find her, but me.'

Zay squirmed around, having been forced into a small tuxedo, "Mom! Why do I have to wear this I look like a penguin!"

Mary was on her knees in front of him, fixing his little tie, "It's for pictures. You know Mamaw and Papaw are going to be here. They haven't seen you since you were two."

Zay pushed her paws away, "Mom cut it out, it's tight enough isn't it I'm chokin!"

"Now don't be ridiculous Zay, hold still," Mary pulled him back to face her, wearing a simple dark blue dress. "You only get to have a sixth birthday once." She then lifted her hand and pet over his short tuft. "There you look fine."

He pouted, eyes rolling as his four just under four feet tall body turned, "Where's ZeeZee?"

"Dads helping her go potty, since she didn't go before we got her in her dress."

Zay huffed, crossing his arms, "Why do girls take so long?"

Mary giggled and pet his ears, "You just stay out of the way while we finish getting all the decorations around."

"Yes mom."

Mary walked off to help with some of the table decorations.

Zay wondered around, looking at the large gathering room of the second floor of the church. The brownish blue carpet, the row after row of plastic tables and metal fold up chairs. Bored he put his head on the plastic table cloth.

The tables were covered in decorative plastic table clothes, with silver, blue, and purple shiny ribbon curled into makeshift sparklers. Against the far side of the room was a table that only had a handful of presents. Next to it a round table with a big cake and a smaller cake beside it with a table full of cupcakes.

He perked his ears as voices came from upstairs, people walking down the steps. He smiled as he saw a pair of jeans and a button up shirt. The ashy black tail was all he needed to see. "Damion!"

The wolf boy was half a year older, smiling brightly, brown eyes lighting up, "Zay!"

"You boys stay out of trouble now," the brown wolf female said softly, holding a baby in pink in her arms.

"Yes mom," Damion said and bound away toward Zay, grabbing his paw and dragging him along, "Let's go poke presents!"

Zay followed, "Okay!"

They wandered around playfully annoying the parents, more kids joining in their antics before Zay found himself pulled aside by his mother.

"Come here honey, Mamaw and Papaw are here."

"Wheres ZeeZee?"

"I'm not sure honey, she may still be going potty."

Zay put his paws out, "Why? Doesn't she just... go? Is she goin' number two too?" He found himself pulled over to one of the tables. Tall elderly foxes reaching for him. The female looked a lot like Mary, with a lighter grey coloration of main fur, and white around her nose.

"Oh my goodness look at how big you've gotten," she was sitting in one of the chairs.

Zay then found himself turning to the male, he was sitting, with a large belly contained in white shirt with small yellowish brown plaid like lines.

"Well hey there little champ, you were a lot smaller last time we saw you. Wheres that sister of yours?"

"Where is little Zayra," Mamaw asked Mary.

"She's over here," Henry said, from the other end of the table, "Go on honey."

Zay perked his ears, trying to find her, only seeing her ears over the table, "ZeeZee?"

"Zway," a small voice asked, rounding the table and smiling brightly.

Zayra had small studs in her ears, her fur brushed perfectly. She wore a small light purple dress. The outer skirt was glittering netting that gave her extra poof. With a dark purple ribbon around her stomach, making a big bow in the back that was held in place with wire because of how big it was. "Zway!"

"ZeeZee," he opened his arms and felt hers wrap around his sides, rubbing her face against his jacket and tie.

"Awwe aren't they just the cutest little pair," Mamaw said.

Zayra shied and broke away from the hug, slipping behind him, peeking past his shoulder.

With Zayra around Zay refused to let her out of his sight. Playing away from her but always keeping an ear out for her. The crowd forming of family, friends, and people the twins didn't know of.

Once everyone was pretty much settled Henry stood, wearing an off grey button up with a blue tie. He shifted his tie a little as everyone quieted. "Well.. Thank you everyone for coming. It's quite crowded down here. We welcome everyone for our twins sixth birthday, and every Reynolds and Kert for the yearly reunion."

Mary giggled beside him, "That we've missed since the birth of our twins."

Henry rubbed his mane, "Well twenty hours in labor sure didn't help."

The gathered laughed quietly.

Mary smiled, and the two parents parted.

As planned, and well practiced the twins came together at the steps from separate sides. Zay bowing as Zayra curtsied to each other. Zay standing and offering his arm, Zayra slipping her arm up under his, resting her hand over his and they two stepped down the small isle.

There was a few flashes of cameras.

Mary and Henry stepped up behind them, "These little two have been nothing but bundles of surprises from the moment they were born."

Zay yawned and smacked his lips.

"These precious two are In-between twins. They are half fraternal, and half identical. Giving them exact colorations, but blessing us with a boy and a girl," Mary rubbed Zayras ear gently.

Zay lifted his head, "Mom I'm hungry, are we gonna eat soon?"

The group laughed softly.

"You had your breakfast, you can wait a few more minutes."

"But that was hours ago," he whined. "My stomachs trying to eat itself!"

She huffed, "Alright fine... Had a whole speach to do."

Zay turned and smiled up at her, "Mom, it's a birthday, not one of dads meetings."

The excitement filled the room as everyone was fed a fitting lunch of chicken, ham, and potatoes and green beans. Zay quickly emptying his plate and giggling with Damion who sat beside him at the kids table. Most of the children present were Zays friends, but all of them knew Zayra as well.

After the main food the twins were set aside for pictures and presents. Then told to go play to give the adults a little time to let lunch settle before cake and ice cream. The children deciding on hide and seek. Zay of course was it first.

He sat in the middle of the room among their new toys and put his hands over his eyes. "One, two, three..."

Zayra bolted off and watched the rest of the children take all the good hiding spots. She looked around and noticed a vanilla cupcake with a tiny plastic tiara ring on it. Looking around she swiped it and started for a hiding spot, figuring she'd get caught by Zay regardless.

She pushed open a door and looked around in the coat area, which didn't have that many coats. She carefully crawled under the coats, protecting her contraband and nestling down. Once the ring was licked clean she slipped it on her finger and ate her cupcake.

Zay was sat in his chair eating cake, stuffing his face happily. Some of the people had already left, mostly family friends.

He was almost finished with his cake when Mary pulled one of her own friends aside, an ear perking to attention and twisting.

"Have you seen Zayra?"

"No, I haven't, she can't be too far," the friend said.

His paw dropped his fork, "We forgot to find Zayra!"

Damion paused and looked at him, everyone a little confused as the kids rather suddenly scrambled around, calling for 'ZeeZee'.

Zay bound around looking under tables, behind the stairs, and in the bathroom. A panic running through his parents, and he knew it, but he was panicking himself. He'd let her out of her sight for only fifty seconds and now he couldn't find her at all. His nose lowered to the ground, sniffing for her trail. He found a door and sniffed, lifting himself up and finding her scent on the handle. The adults distracted in their search.

He pushed open the door and walked in, looking around and looking under the partially empty coat rack.

Zayra was asleep, cheek on the metal bar of the wheeled coat rack. She had a little icing on her whiskers and a paw with a tiara ring on her finger. The paper wrapper on the floor beside her.

Zay sighed and got to his knees, stroking her face, "What is it with you and closets..."

Her eyes opened, "Zway? ... You found me."

He giggled, "You won ZeeZee. We couldn't find you. Let's go get mom, she's worried about you."

Zay woke gently, body sore and stiff. He pulled himself from under his bed and stretched out on the floor. Rubbing at his eyes tiredly. The house was quiet, distant snoring. Finding his feet he stood, wobbling over to his door and opening it. He found himself walking into Zayras room, seeing her fast asleep in her bed.

She was breathing quietly, her little mouth gaping. On her back, a paw on her chest, the other by her head, wearing her black band tee and pair of small orange shorts.

He sat on her bed gently, looking at her. He lifted a paw, petting his scarred knuckles against her cheek. 'My precious sister. I love you so much, but I just can't seem to say it. I can't... explain it.' He put his hand on her shoulder, leaning over a little and pressing his lips to her cheek.

Her eyes opened a little, "Zay?"

"Yeah?"

"There's a toadstool in the car. And Dads got a cork..." Her head fell back to the pillow, eyes closing as she breathed.

His ears were lifted, eyes blinking as he tried to understand what she'd said. Then he shook his head, 'Sleep talker. It never makes any sense.' He kissed her again and stood, returning to his room and stripping his clothes and tossing them in the hamper. He was pulling on his sleep shorts when he remembered her old used underwear.

Snatching them up he returned to her room, tossing them in her hamper, and left again.

Once back in his room he sighed, shutting his door gently. He laid on his bed and pawed around for his phone. "Oh... it's still in my pants... Ugh..." He got up and shuffled around his pants till his phone fell to the carpet. Picking it up he looked at the small flashing light. He sat on his bed side and started scrolling.

A wave of emotion fell over him, his body shaking with it all.

He took a deep breath. 'Gerald's been seen with only Zayra while at school, but this... changes everything...'

He put his hand to his mouth, setting his phone down and stepping away from his bed. Like it was suddenly diseased. 'Holy shit...' His paws rose to his head, brushing his mohawk back a bit, "Oh my god, I was right... I was right..." He picked up his phone and looked at it again.

Gerald, wearing fridays school clothes, holding hands with a pink dressed golden retriever with floppy ears. Kissing at her softly while they walked around the mall.

Zay could feel his heartbeat rising, the mix of fear, joy, and amazement making him pant. 'The whore... I knew it... I knew she was a slut!' He tossed his phone down, walking around his room as he tried to calm down. 'Gerald's dating Kathy... She can't deny this!' His paws running over his face as the emotions made his chest feel full. Not heavy, but full, like he was about to explode from the inside.

'How should I tell Zayra? There has to be something, anything I can tell her... Maybe I should just send the picture? No, I wanna work her into it... I need to convince her...'

He was about to text for advice from his contacts when a message popped up on his phone. "What! Practice at six!"

"Zay go to bed," Henry hallard.

"Oops..." He sheepishly smiled to himself, and lowered his ears. "Sorry Dad." Zay flopped face first on his bed, 'God damn it...'