Ander - Part 6: Subchapter 168
168
Everything was black. There was no ache in his lungs and no stabbing, throbbing pain in his eye or his ankle. There were no freezing gusts of wind blowing across his body or sickly warm tendrils of blood snaking through his fur. Everything was just gone.
Well, at least until he became aware of it. After that small pieces of the real world started to filter through. A part of him shied away from these sharp, bitter fragments of reality. This weak part of him, this small, scared, hurt part that never wanted to open its eyes again, was perfectly content to just hide here, in this peaceful darkness, forever, until even the awareness of the darkness ceased to exist.
But that was the thing. He was aware, and to be aware was to be ashamed.
The first thing to come back was the pain. It built up gradually, swelling and swelling. Every second that went by he would think to himself that this was it, that the pain could not possibly get any worse than this, but then it would, and it would just keep going from there, building way beyond the levels of his tolerance, and then he'd think again that this was it, that the pain couldn't possibly get any worse, that he would die before it could get any worse, but then it would. The pain was waking him up, which was making the pain even worse, which was making him wake even faster, until the pain was spread throughout his whole body, massive bleeding cuts and gashes across his arms, face, and chest, but the worst by far were his eye and his ankle. Those two spots burned like fire, making everything else seem paltry.
After the pain came the sounds. The roaring wind and the muffled voice up high, trying to call his name. He wanted to answer her, but he wasn't sure if he could.
A second voice, this one much closer. It caressed his face, leaving behind a sickly warm layer of heat like the trail of slime that always follows a slug. It stank of blood and rotting meat, and now a new kind of pain was returning to Ander's body, a pain very different from what he could feel on the surface. This pain was down deep.
"Hey, Ander? Time to wake up, lazy-bones. Seriously, you're holding up the fun. Wake up!"
Something slapped him on the cheek, sending a sharp sting through his broken tooth. He opened his eyes, but everything remained blurry and out of focus. He could see the floor, a greyish blob of half-colour, divided by straight, black lines. He blinked, and although his view became clearer (he could see how the flour and dust had been stomped between the cracks over the years), it was still far too narrow to be normal.
And that was when Banno's face materialized out of the darkness - a disembodied smile of jagged, broken teeth - and everything came rushing back in one terribly painful flash of memory. Every blow and bite and cut and scratch and torturous mutilation stood out in stark contrast against the backdrop of his hazy, half-conscious mind, and he gasped for breath, too hurt to even scream properly.
"Whoa, don't scare me like that!" Banno said and gave his shoulder a playful little punch. "For a minute there I thought you were actually going to die. Talk about selfish!"
Ander tried to lift his head, but he couldn't. Was he really that weak? He tried again, and this time he just barely managed to lift his cheek off the floor with a gritsy, ripping sound, and he realised that the side of his face had been glued to the floor in a puddle of his own blood. Even more came streaming down from his missing eye and across the bridge of his broken nose.
"Now do you understand what I went through, Ander?" Banno asked. "Do you understand what you put me through? Not being able to see, not being able to walk. It makes you feel like you're less than you were before, less than what you're supposed to be. It makes you feel like half a Wolf."
Ander tried to prop himself up on his elbows, but his arms were shaking so badly he could barely get them underneath his body. Every time he moved he would hear a disturbing squelching noise, and he had no way of knowing if that was because of the blood drying on the floor, or because his own ears were filled with blood. He supposed both could be possible.
"All right, Ander, that's enough. Now that you've felt what I've been through, I think you deserve a little reward."
How... How can he still be standing?_Ander thought. _How can he still be so cheerful, so happy, so carefree? Am I just that bad of a fighter? No... no, I know he must be hurt. He was hurt before I even touched him. He's practically dying, so why...?
The answer was obvious, actually. Even in his semi-delirious state, Ander knew exactly why. It was because he was Banno. He was the 'Flavour of Death'. It didn't matter if he was dying or not, because he simply could not feel it, and even if he could, he simply did not care. 'Pain' wasn't even one of the reasons for his revenge. The whole 'eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth' thing centred purely around his loss of vision and mobility, negatives he could actually perceive, things that actually affected him. Probably it never even crossed his mind to get back at Ander for the pain he had caused. It simply did not bother him. Even being buried underneath a mountain of snow was something Banno wasn't seeking vengeance for because it hadn't affected him in any perceivable way, at least not from his twisted point of view.
"How about we pay your girl Kiana a little visit, hmm?" Banno said. "I'm sure she'd like that. Come on, I'll help you." His red smile vanished and Ander could see the ceiling again. There was a shadow there, deformed by the angled walls of the mill.
Kiana...
Ander reached for the shadow. His own hand was little more than a blurry claw, dripping blood, and she seemed so very far away, but still he reached. Her head was bent forward, almost broken by the severe angle, and her shoulders were rising and falling ever so slightly. He couldn't hear very well anymore, but he thought she might be crying... crying because of him.
He had let her down.
Banno grabbed him by the broken ankle and started to drag him along the floor. The pain was excruciating, but there was nothing Ander could do. His face slid through pools of blood, wet and cold. Some of it was Banno's, but mostly it was his own. The dry patches seemed to grab at his cheek, trying to slow him down, and Ander found it kind of pathetic that his blood was fighting harder than him right now.
I'm sorry... Kiana... Ander thought, fighting to stay conscious as Banno dragged him towards the stairs.
"How you doing back there, Ander? Still awake? You better not black out on me. The tough bit's coming up."
With tremendous force of will, Ander managed to roll onto his back. His ankle twisted inside Banno's grip, making the cracked pieces of bone grind against each other, and for a fearful second there the world really did go black. When it swam back into focus, Banno was standing at the foot of the stairs, looking back over his shoulder, smiling his broken smile. "Ready?"
Ander opened his mouth and tried to speak, but produced more blood than words. It bubbled up from inside his throat and dribbled out of the corners of his mouth.
"I'm sorry, come again?" Banno bent down a little and swivelled his ears.
"If you hurt her..." Ander choked out, but Banno simply rolled his eye.
"Yes, yes, you'll kill me, I know."
Banno started to climb the stairs, dragging Ander's battered body up with him. The sharp edges of the steps bit into his back, sliding across every cut and bruise. Even the curve of the stairs seemed to be against him, making it feel like it was the mill itself going through a quarter turn while he stayed in one place. The only thing that kept him from throwing up was the certainty that if he did, it would be more blood than vomit.
He tried to keep his head raised, but by the time they were halfway up his neck gave out and his head lolled back, giving him an upside-down view of the stairs they had already ascended. There was a wide streak of blood following them like a dying snake, tattered and torn, dripping from step to step in an endless series of right angles.
"Here we are!" Banno proclaimed gleefully, and a moment later the back of Ander's head scraped over the last riser and levelled out.
Kiana saw them and went absolutely ballistic, screaming against the gag in her mouth and pulling on her bindings hard enough to draw blood.
It was a whole different world up here, bathed in the faintest candle glow, but after the darkness down below, it stung as bright as the sun.
Banno pulled him along by the foot, and suddenly Ander caught a glimpse of the lantern out of the corner of his eye. It was still in the same spot he had dropped it, burning merrily.
Ander reached for it. His fingertips brushed the warm, metal base, but then Banno took another step, jerking Ander along, and it was forever out of reach again.
Kiana tried to call out to him, but her words simply battered themselves to death against the gag, leaving only haggard cries in the shape of his name.
Ander blinked groggily and lifted his head. The lantern's light was washing all over Banno's back, illuminating it clearly, and when Ander saw what he had done to it, it wasn't so much a sense of disgust that fell over him, or even wonder at how this monster was still standing, but rather one of anger and frustration.
What more... What more do I have to do to put you down!?
His back was a crimson mesh of cuts and scratches, a crisscrossed diamond pattern of cleaved and bleeding flesh. Several arrows were still stuck between his shoulder blades, broken and jagged, as well as the deep, red hole that he had excavated himself, digging into Banno's back with the same arrow that had ended up costing him his eye.
"Hello, ladies," Banno said, sounding quite jovial. "How are you feeling? Oh, hang on a second..." He reached out, hooked a claw underneath the tough strings of twine tied around Kiana's muzzle, and snapped them with one tug.
Kiana spat a crumpled piece of burlap from her mouth, snapped her head up and shrieked, "I hope you drop dead!" her voice dripping with so much hatred and venom that even Ander was surprised.
"Wow, rude!" Banno said with a click of his tongue. "And after all the trouble I went through to reunite you with your mate? Such hostility!" He looked down at Ander. "You know, I'm not entirely sure what you see in this Foxy, Ander. I mean, sure, she's cute, but that mouth of hers, by the Cora! Maybe you and I should just head on home, huh? Get you a nice she-wolf instead, hmm?"
"Banno..." Ander breathed, struggling for every syllable. "Let them -"
Banno burst out laughing. "Ha! I'm just kidding, little brother! There's no way I'd be that cruel. You want to talk to her for a bit? Here, let me help you."
Banno grabbed him by both hands and jerked him to his feet like he weighed nothing at all. A brilliant flash of pain tore through Ander's ankle the moment he put weight on it, but before he could even cry out in pain, he felt a thick, muscular arm wrap around his neck, forcing him down into in inescapable headlock.
"Comfy?" Banno dragged him along, and Ander had no choice but to follow, limping severely. "Here you go, brother. Take your time."
Ander could see her legs, tied together at the ankles with thick lines of rope, and her shoes, crusted with mud. Drops of blood appeared on the floorboards, materializing from out of nowhere as if by magic, probably dripping from his eye.
"Ander?"
He started to raise his head, two opposite emotions vying for control of his heart and mind. On one side, there was unbridled hope, shining as bright as the sun, desperate to see her face again. On the other, there was an overwhelming sense of dread. He had only glimpsed her from a distance before, but all that blood...
His gaze was up to her knees now, following the familiar woven pattern of her dress. His head felt like it weighed more than his entire body.
I have to see her... I have to make sure she's all right...
Her dress was ripped wide open through the middle, revealing the fine, white fur of her belly, bordered on either side by bright, flaming orange. The slanted candlelight threw a crescent of shadow across her body, making the subtle bulge of her pregnancy stand out like he had never seen it before.
Unable to control himself any longer, unable to deny the yearning in his heart, he raised his head fully, and the breath caught in his throat as his eye fell upon her face. Instantly he was overcome with relief that the damage wasn't any more severe than it was, but at the same time, he was outraged that there was any damage at all.
There were two long, thick cuts in her face, starting just below her eyes and traveling down her cheeks, making it look like she was crying blood.
Her lip trembled, and real tears began to leak from her eyes, traveling through the shallow trenches Banno had carved into her flesh, going from clear, to pink, to a pale, rose red. "Oh, Ander..." she moaned. "Ander!"
In his concern, he did not stop to consider his own appearance. He did not stop to think that the gaping wound in his face might hurt her more than a hundred wounds of her own.
Never in all his life had Ander wanted to hold her as much as he did in that moment.
Ander strained against Banno's grip, but that only made the arm tighten around his throat, locking him in place.
Kiana struggled against her bindings, too, but it was no use. Her hands were tied above her head, attached to a rack that, in saner times, might once have contained tools. "What have you done to him!?" she screamed, straining so hard that the tendons stood out in stark relief in her wrists and neck. "What have you done to him, you bastard!?"
"We were just playing a little," Banno said in an offhanded way and gave Ander's head a little tug. "Is there anything you want to say to your little Foxy? Better do it now, before the fun really begins."
Ander swallowed, and the grip around his neck was so tight he could actually feel the lump struggling to get past the crook of Banno's elbow. He couldn't even reposition himself for more leverage without putting weight on his broken ankle.
"Kiana..." he said, trying desperately to keep her in focus. "I promise I'll get you out of this."
"Ander..."
"I never break my promises, you know that! So if I promise you this, there's no way I can fail! I promise I'll get you out of this, Kiana! I swear it!"
Unable to contain himself any longer, Banno burst out laughing. Ander felt his chest rising and falling against his ear with every guffaw, making his view bob up and down.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Banno said, wiping a tear away. "Please go on, just pretend I'm not here. Seriously, this is great."
Blood dribbled from Ander's mouth and nose. Every breath was a challenge. But this was something he had to say, no matter what. "Kiana... I love you so, so much..."
"Ander!" The ropes were cutting into her wrists, sawing back and forth, slowly taking on a deep shade of red.
"Before I met you. Kiana, I was so miserable. I knew it, I felt it, but because it was all around me my whole life, I never knew just how bad it was until you saved me. Every day was just a struggle to get from sunrise to sundown, all so I could go through the whole thing again, every day, being hated for who I was, for being me, for being different... every day, slowly drowning me, gouging me, crushing me... every day. I never looked forward because there was nothing to look forward to. I had no future, none at all. Just more 'every days', an endless stream of them leading to my pyre. It was something I didn't even want to think about. But with you... 'every day' suddenly becomes a good thing, a wonderful thing. I can't wait to see your face every day. I can't wait to hold you every day, kiss you every day, tell you how much I love you every day. And even more, you brought a 'tomorrow' into my life. You gave me a future and raised my head so I could look at it and see what lies ahead for us. Do you know what I see, when I look into our tomorrow, Kiana?"
She slowly shook her head, tears welling in her eyes. "What?"
"I see you... sitting outside our house, up on our little hill. The campfire is lit, and there's a teapot spitting steam into the air. It's a bright, spring day, and there's grass everywhere, covered in dew. Bethany and Sarah are there, too, sitting right beside you. All three of you are enjoying cups of tea, and you're sort of balancing yours on top of your tummy because you're showing so much..."
Kiana laughed. It was only a weak chortle, barely a single breath long, but it lit up the whole mill, giving Ander the strength to continue.
"I'm up on the roof with Rufio and Michael, adding on to the house. Occasionally you womenfolk bark out orders and criticisms, and we pretend to be offended. Bethany yells at Rufio to put out his damn pipe before he burns the house down, and Sarah yells at Micheal to stop goofing off before he breaks his neck."
Kiana smiled, tears streaming down her face, and said, "I bet Layla's there, too. She packed a lunch for all you burly menfolk, some sandwiches for the heat of the day. And once you start eating, she'll hover over your shoulders like an oversized dragonfly, making sure you finish every last crumb."
Ander returned her smile. "And further down... past tomorrow's tomorrow, I see the two of us together, living in our brand new house, all tired and cranky, with bags underneath our eyes because the baby has taken after Uncle Hezzi and won't stay asleep for more than five minutes at a time..."
"Oh gods, please no!" Kiana chuckled.
"And I see Nilia, watching our baby with this weird look in her eye, as if to say, 'What do you want me to do with this strange thing?' and then backing away with her hands in the air when we suggest she hold them."
"Shaking her head, saying: 'No, no, no, I'll just break it,' but it's painfully obvious to everyone that she'd actually love to hold them, and then, when she finally caves, she makes a big huff and pretends like we forced it on her, but on the inside she's already making googly faces and teaching the little one to call her 'Aunty Nilia'."
"And then, at the end of the day, when the sun's gone down and everyone's said their goodbyes, and it's just the three of us together, sitting by the fire, me with my arm around your shoulders, and you with the little one sleeping in your lap, I'll kiss you on the cheek..."
"And I'll kiss you back..."
"And we'll look forward to tomorrow. We'll look forward to every day. And that's how I'll keep my promise, Kiana. No matter how bad things get, no matter how bad they seem, just remember that I made this promise, and that I will keep my promise, and that all our tomorrows will come, even better than we could possibly imagine."
"I love you, Ander. I love you so much."
"I love you, too."
For a moment there was silence. Paradoxically, it was similar to the moment just before he had blacked out. It was as if the whole world was fading away, but instead of leaving only darkness, all that was left for Ander right then was Kiana's smiling face, and an overwhelming desire to protect her, no matter what.
But a moment was all it was, and every moment, no matter how sweet, must come to an end.
"Oh!" Banno sniffed, making a theatrical show of wiping his eye. "Oh my word! Ander, that was... that was beautiful! Such emotion! Especially the part about tomorrow, and the idyllic little picture you painted with you and your Foxy and the wee little baby, aww... I thought my heart would melt right there! It was perfect! Thank you so much! This is exactly what I wanted!"
Ander grabbed hold of Banno's arm, sinking his claws into his flesh, and in a low growl he said: "Those words were not for you."
"I know, but that doesn't matter. All your love and hope and other flowery feelings will serve as the perfect spice for the main course. Are you ready, Ander? Are you ready to feeeeeel it!?"
Kiana began to squirm and thrash, her momentary happiness completely shattered, replaced by blind, animalistic panic. "Oh gods, you have to stop him, Ander!" And then, with a scream that echoed through the mill, shriller than the shrieking winds outside, she said something so terrible, so unfathomable, that he simply could not take it in. Perhaps because, to take it in, to understand the depths of those words, would be to invite madness into his very soul. "He wants to eat the baby!"
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