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A New Job

"Wait! ... Why are you giving us jobs? We haven't even said what we specialize in!" Ivan asked the former marine. "Because... I am the last survivor of my squad. About a year ago, we went to an old lab, right in the middle of New mexico, where apparently ALL science facilities that are working on quantum tunneling, wormholes, blackholes and Facehuggers are... Anyways, we accidentally shot a scientist who fell onto a red button, and poof... Into this shithole we go. Anyways, after we woke up, I was one of only two survivors. The rest-" "Had their insides turned into the consistency of chunky salsa." I interrupted. "How'd you know?" He stuttered. "Same thing happened to my squad."

Later that night, STARS Vehicle Depot, Jubilife City:

"Why do you keep me in hat ball all the time, Amy and I can protect ourselves!? It's not like we're going to wander off either! We love you! Both of us!" Janet shouted(A bit quietly though, because we had a tiny room, with particle board walls, right above a vehicle depot, with the only thing separating us from the night shift security was a perforated floor (And we also had around twenty other people sleeping in other rooms, with Aidan and Ivan being one of them (The reason I'm not sleeping, is because the last time I slept in a warehouse, the Sicilian Mafia attacked me, and it's a long story (I wonder if it's going to be Cilan, Chili and Cress who are the mafia bosses here.(I wonder if I could have a last meal if they were to kill me (A one prepared by them.)))), I was snapped out of my thoughts by Francis, the person in the room next to mine: "Shut up Sergei, the readers don't care! This is a bad story after all!" "Shut up Francis! I'm the person supposed to be breaking the fourth wall, not you! This is my story, and I write it! Not you! Not Ivan! Not Aidan! Me!" I shouted back. "Would you two stop yelling at each other! Some people are actually sleeping in the rooms next to us!" Amy scolded. We both reluctantly agreed with each other, because Amy was right. "Remember, Sergei, we both love you, enough that we would both fuck you in a threesome with each other." Amy whispered. "Wait! Are you talking about a 'Canadian' threesome, or a normal threesome?" I asked her. "What's a Canadian Threesome?"Amy and Janet asked simultaneously, along with Francis. "A Canadian threesome, is when three Canadians apologize so hard, that they all climax at the same time... Wait... Francis, Were you exposed to the gas?" I asked Francis. "Yes, now can I get some sleep?" I agreed that we all needed sleep if we were going to be able to work in the morning.

The next morning:

"Wake up idiot! Time for training, ya weak shithead! Tracey, I bet he can't even hit a target with a gun, let alone throw a punch. I think the pathetic loser is going to try and fall back asleep, but that ain't gonna happen! It's got training to do!" He shouldn't have said ANY of that to me. "What did you call me?" I asked as I covertly, and quietly pulled out a hardcover book out from underneath my pillow (Don't ask why I keep books there, I just like to read in my spare time (Funny thing, because it was Sun Tzu's Art of War, which I was going to use as a weapon.)) "I called you an idiot, then a weak shithead, then a pathetic loser so get the-" I threw the book into his gut, and then grabbed onto his shirt and slammed him through the wall. Then another one. And a few more for good measure. He weighed like, two hundred pounds, all muscle, and it was like I was pushing a shopping cart through paper walls. "Pro tip... Don't mess with somebody who's smaller than you, but has superior intellect, muscle, training and the advantage of being an anti-terrorist soldier for a few years. Got it? Oh, and before I forget, I wouldn't recommend messing with the two people who got a job with me... They went through the same training I did, but, most Russian soldiers, even ones serving in the army of another country, don't like to be messed with... And don't make fun of Aidan while he's drunk. He's twice as dangerous that way. Am I clear?" He nodded and said "I guess you three don't need any training if you could do what you just did, and I think you're already deadly enough... Please don't hurt me."

I was shocked to see Lt.Wade enter the room and tell me the best news I've gotten in the past few days: "You and your friends are going to be stationed at our newest place of interest... Iron island. For some reason, all people on the island, as well as most non-native pokemon, vanished without a trace. Due to our status as a civilian/government co-operative organization, the government quarantined the island, only allowing our ships, as well as government ships access to it. What the scientists saw there... " I wanted to know more, I couldn't stand his dramatic pause, "Is classified. Several ships in the area also went missing, which is why we're sending you in by air. You and your friends will find out the classified information once you get there. But first, pack your bags, and get onto the convoy of our trucks in the loading bay area... And don't fuck up, don't let your guard down, don't think with your brain in between your legs, but instead your actual brain, don't piss off the government agents, don't trust the only human survivors, they've went insane, and lastly, don't go into danger without thinking for a second of what the consequences could be... Find what happened to the bodies. And ships. Am I clear?" After his lecture, I knew my experience from my old job as a counter-intelligence operative would come in handy... We (As in Ivan and I) were like detectives... But ones who kick ass, instead of the bucket, once they find trouble.

That night, En-route to Iron island via helicopter:

"Alright squad. Here are maps of Iron island, as well as out intel reports on the island. We will expect hostile forces, or a hostage situation once we get there, because-" I interrupted "Ooh, Two things I was trained for, I'm gonna kick ass like it's-" "SERGEI! Do you have something to say, because as I was saying, Iron island went dark an hour ago, just after they sent out an emergency code, dubbed 'Code: Impending Doom', which means that, either A, they are being invaded, B, the disaster is striking again, or lastly, and most horrifying, C, they are going on vacation... TO HELL!!! Any questions?" I had one so I shouted over the roar of the engines, "There might be another reason, and it's very grim... What if the missing came back, but even more insane then the remaining survivors! We might be unprepared, but I dealt with shit like that since I was a child! I should lead if that's the case!" Lt.Wade asked "What do you mean you dealt with stuff like that? Us Americans deal with shit even crazier than that!" I knew the, that it was time for me to explain what happened before the Japan incident: "Around three years ago, I was on an island in Japan, an island called Nagashima island, beautiful place, but it holds a dark secret-"

Three years ago, 33°47'33.3"N 132°02'35.0"E Nagashima island, Japanese military outpost:

"Ah don't think they even Can be killed, brotha'!" Shaun shouted at me, talking about what my Texan brother called "Shamblahs", "Aim for the head of the shamblers! They WERE human once, after all." Then my radio blurted out (In reality it was Sarge over at the beach) "We have secured the Whiskey Tango, I repeat, We have secured the Whiskey Tango, We are pulling out, anyone who is late will be left behind, I repeat, anyone who is late will be left behind, Rendezvous at the Ace of Spades, and await transport to the King of Hearts. Over." I couldn't believe it. We found the cure outside the lab. They said it was booze that gave certain people resistance to the virus, so I think Shaun and I will be completely IMMUNE to the infection. I had to respond to Sarge though. "This is Delta team, we are awaiting extraction at the Two of Clubs. We need fire support, I repeat, we need fire support. Over." Hopefully they would come... Then I saw our doom. We didn't know what was under the tarps until now... It was massive. It WAS death... It was pink, and had claws, with each nail as long as I am tall. It came charging at us. All I could think to say was "Human! My ass."

Half a minute later, the cavalry arrived, just in time to dodge a main battle tank that was thrown at them. "What the hell was that! Was that a fucking... TANK!!!" sadly it was. But thankfully, as luck would have it, the main ride out of here was en-route to 'The Ace of Spades', and our attack helicopter was packing serious heat (Unlike the transport helicopter, which only had two machine guns, instead of Two rocket salvos on the landing legs, a minigun, and another two rocket pods beside the salvos (There is a big difference between a rocket salvo and a rocket pod)) I shouted over the radio to "Kill all sons-a-bitches, but first, empty your load into that massive phallic abomination." Hey, It did look like a dick... Don't judge, Mr/Mrs reader.

End flashback:

"Nagashima, that sounds like two nuclear attacks turned into one big shitload of death." Lt.Wade stated. "Sorry, but it wasn't nuclear... It was biological. We ended up gassing the island... With drugs, not cyanide gas, just because I know you're wondering that Ivan." I shouted.

"Why can't we just install a toilet on this helicopter!" Amy shouted, after she spent ten minutes on the outside of the helicopter trying to answer the call of nature. "Because, more shit to carry. That's why we don't have a toilet." I shouted.

We were about to land when I noticed something was off. Not only was there only a single person outside, but that person was stumbling towards a building, and covered in blood, most likely because he had several gunshot wounds to the chest... 'He used to be a STARS member, but now he's a shambler.'I thought "Aim for the head, drink lots of booze, and don't, under any circumstances, get bit by anything! Or else I might have to shoot you." I told everybody. "This reminds me of Resident Evil, where at the end of all of the games, there's a helicopter, but this time we're flying in with the helicopter." Lt.Wade muttered loud enough for me t barely hear it.

The 'Shambler' noticed us, and it started waving it's arms as if to signal for our help, and I realized why he was stumbling in the general direction of the building: he was a human who was shot. "Nevermind! Look out for terrorists, or whatever the fuck we're dealing with, we're going to ask our 'mutual friend' down there what the hell happened! Still though, stay on high alert!" I shouted to my squad.

Two minutes later:

Once we got the soldier(Or as the government called us, special operations police/advanced operations unit) all bandaged and healed, he told us his story, although I had a few suspicions as to what (and who) the canid was, I needed more proof, if I could confirm it was Sasha (It's a mans name).

Iron island, one hour ago:

"What the hell is happening! It's like we're at the center of a space-time anomaly! And what the hell is that thing, I've never seen a pokemon like that before!" It was true as to what the scientist said: NOBODY saw a pokemon like that before. Or at least, nobody survived to tell of it: It was an alien, a pokemon not of this world, or potentially, not even this universe, It looked as if it was made up of swords, but it was very thin, and sharper than Falco, when he has taken an epi-pen to the heart... He can turn around a full one eighty degrees, and shoot something two and a half miles away, with deadly accuracy. It cut the tank in half, just by bumping into it. Nobody survived. "At least the other one seems friendly." It was a canid, with gray fur on the top half, and white fur on it's bottom half. It had a fluffy tail, and what looked like a collar with the Acronym JTF2 on it. It also had pale blue eyes, like an aquamarine color, but not quite aquamarine. I paid more attention to the canid, when I should have been paying attention to the "swordsman", as the scientists called it."Shit, it's coming for us! Run!" The scientist yelled... He yelled. Bad decision it started swinging it's blades in his general direction, and then charged him. It sliced through him, literally, it went through him. His body stayed intact, but for only a second before clean cut pieces of him started falling. "Light em up!"another soldier yelled, who was killed almost instantly (All bullets missed, it was that thin). The engineer fared better, he used his blowtorch on it, and it burned to death in less than a second.

"Glad that's over. At least there was only one!" the engineer said. He was VERY wrong, so I gently, pushed his cheek, so that his head was facing the swarm of them. "I suggest we run." I said to the engineer. He agreed, but only on the condition that I don't go back for him if he falls behind. His reasoning was that only he could kill them, and I didn't have a blowtorch like him, so I couldn't kill them.

Twelve minutes later, I found out why we had landmine handling courses. I couldn't disarm one properly, but I did manage to direct most of the shrapnel at one of the "Swordsman",as everybody seemed to call them now. I needed medical treatment fast. I was walking (More like stumbling), towards a hut that held first aid equipment, when I heard a helicopter. I was saved.

End flashback.

"So that's what happened to you! Where are they? I'm gonna kill all of them!" I yelled. "Except for the Husky, he's part of my old unit most likely." I said as I adjusted my rucksacks straps. "Sorry sir, but, we need to get to the main lab if we're going to have any hope of killing those things." The injured soldier said in a pained voice. "Why? Is there a certain thing we can kill them with?" I asked. He nodded slowly, underneath his gas mask, and said weakly "I-I'm n-not g-going t-to m-make it. T-there's a fl-flamethrower, a-as w-well as a pr-proto t-type g-gun, dubbed t-the Sha-Shadowstalker. The g-gun l-launches t-these f-foot long p-pieces of reba-" He started coughing, and I yanked his gas mask off to reveal a gruesome sight: He was coughing up BLOOD! He stuttered out what sounded like "Don't prolong my suffering. My son was on the Los Coast. I might see him, unless he survived." I followed his wishes and asked Lt.Wade what the Los Coast was. "The SS Los Coast was a sea disaster, that is one of the most deadliest ones here, in all of recent history. Due to it being cold and windy, nobody escaped. Or so we think, all but one of the lifeboats were still attached, the one that is missing, it's lines were cut. The only reason we know of this, is because only one rescue ship made it back. Only the Pokemon survived... The humans, they went into a coma, and... I don't want to say it, but they didn't have the equipment to save them, t-they ended their suffering in a humane way. The soldier's son was on that ship. I was his godfather. I-I can't talk about this."

We walked for two miles, in silence, and then we heard a loud bark come from behind our group. "Sasha!?" Ivan, Aidan and I shouted in unison. "What the hell is that thing!" A soldier shouted, while another one shouted "Whatever that is, I'm gonna kill it!" I called Sasha (Our "Mascot" of our squad (I wonder how he got here)) over to us, and he came running, and sat at my feet, on the dirt path, rolled onto his back, and stared at me, wanting a belly rub. "Hey there handsome." Janet said to him in a seductive tone. The funny part came next: I could understand him. "Hi there beautiful, is Sergei bothering you? Because we can talk about it without him even knowing! You're sexy, you do know that, right? I could fuck you all day if you allowed me to." I just stared at Sasha and whispered into his ear "You do know I can understand every word you said. I'll say it word for word. Hi there beautiful, is Sergei bothering you? Because we can talk about it without him even knowing! You're sexy, you do know that, right? I could fuck you all day if you allowed me to. I think with my dick instead of my head... Sorry, the last one was a joke, but I want you to know, that if you want her in bed with you, I can help. I did that with her once.", "Ok... WAIT H-HOW!!!" Sasha barked. "And who is that beautiful blue woman hiding behind you... Don't worry, I don't bite. Actually, I do, but, that was because I was trained to. Oh! Before I forget, How do you like my collar. Sergei, do you still have my armour vest?" I nodded, and took out one of my memories of home... A dog armour vest, made specifically for him, out of kevlar, carbon fiber and carbon nanotube. It had pockets, containing a first aid kit, emergency flares, emergency flare gun, emergency ammo, emergency rations, and a few dog treats. "Sergei? Was I always supposed to be like this? I'm the only one of my species here. It doesn't seem natural." I had a few questions to ask Sasha, since I could understand him (he might actually be a Pokemon in disguise.) "Sasha, could I talk to you in private?"

One minute later:

"Sasha, who exactly are you? I know you aren't the real Sasha, because I wouldn't be able to understand you because dogs aren't Pokemon. Why are you here?" I said to "Sasha". "I'm sorry, but, well, I just saw how caring you were to your other Pokemon, at the canyon, and I wanted to be a part of it. You'll be surprised as to how many opportunities I let pass by, at having an adventure, an actual adventure. And as to answer your first question, I am Mew. Can I travel with you? It would mean a lot to me. Please?" I couldn't resist the look on his/her/attack helicopter/hermaphrodite (because many people sexually identify as an attack helicopter) face. "Fine, but only if you stay in that form. I really liked Sasha. And Janet really likes you. But don't you have to follow Arceus' orders? And won't you still be immortal?" I asked. "If you catch me, I will become mortal, like you, which I really want. I can't have kids who I will outlive, it would just be unfair!" Mew stated. At that point, I never could have refused. So I grabbed an empty pokeball, and tapped it against Mew's head. It didn't even shake once, after I tapped it against her head, so I quickly released her.

"One last thing Mew... Are you a boy or a girl?" I asked Mew. Mew's answer was like that of a determined kid, whose parents told them they couldn't get their desired career: "I can be whatever the hell I want to be." Mew was definitely a boy.